[Pokémon] He who is Merely a Rumour

Sgt Shock · Sep 25, 2009

Citrinin said:
^^ That's good to hear.

Heh. Part III's a bit of a risky manoeuvre on my part. It could go off like fireworks; it could fall flat on its face. But it'll tie the budding plotlines from Part II together. With a twist. >:D

Would you like to hazard a guess at that twist will be? ;D

Oh I don't know. What could be risky enough? You have me thinking. I'll have an idea just let me think on it a bit more.

Citrinin · Sep 25, 2009

Hahaha~ Sorry. I like to get my reviewers thinking. ;3 It gives me more of an insight into how the story affects you. :P Occasionally, one of you guys will guess a future plotline correctly, and I just want to scream "YES! HI-FIVE!" XD;

Sgt Shock · Sep 25, 2009

Citrinin said:
Hahaha~ Sorry. I like to get my reviewers thinking. ;3 It gives me more of an insight into how the story affects you. :P Occasionally, one of you guys will guess a future plotline correctly, and I just want to scream "YES! HI-FIVE!" XD;

If that was possible, your storyline is so uniquely twisting, I don't know what to expect. I commend the person that can even get close.

Citrinin · Sep 25, 2009

Sgt Shock said:
If that was possible, your storyline is so uniquely twisting, I don't know what to expect.

It's kind of hard now. :P Over the next three chapters, you'll receive a few more clues. :3 You'll also find quite a few clues in my posts in this thread, VMs, PMs, MSN conversations, etc. XD;

Sgt Shock said:
I commend the person that can even get close.

Several have. :3 Nobody's nailed it exactly yet, though. ;P

Ah well, if you ever come up with any theories as to the direction of the story, I'll be happy to discuss them with you. ^^

Feign · Sep 26, 2009

Citrinin said:
We can't all be people with divine connections and ridiculously high IQs. ;D But did you still think the points of the scene were effectively conveyed?

Sorry, that is what I mean to lead on to (just didn't know how to word it, and was busy with school XD >.>

Anyway, was going to say that they still seemed to be a bit "experienced" in terms of logic, philosophy and life (as a generality to what they mentioned). While like the anime, it is infrequent that we get to see the views of Pokemon, the majority of the time, they merely obey their pokemon. However, as you have already demonstrated, Pokemon can be just as "human" as any other, so it could work. And actually since the beginning of your chapter, your pokemon have been more rounded and explicably rational about it too. Perhaps we can ask the question then, would there be a backstory (if any and if relevant) to the pokemon themselves?

It brought up two obvious ones: "what relevance will Liam have?" and "who is he?" There are several subtle ones, however. ;] Did you catch any of those? :o

What side will Bevan's pokemon take (among other ones).

Citrinin · Sep 26, 2009

Feign said:
Anyway, was going to say that they still seemed to be a bit "experienced" in terms of logic, philosophy and life (as a generality to what they mentioned). While like the anime, it is infrequent that we get to see the views of Pokemon, the majority of the time, they merely obey their pokemon.

Because of this infrequency of seeing their views, I felt I had a bit more leeway here. My "fan's interpretation" of Pokémon is that they are reasonably intelligent, and they derive most of this knowledge from experience with humans. Also, their evolution cycle has always impressed on me that if they grow up physically in stages, rather than a smooth, gradual increase, a similar thing might apply with their mental capacity.

Take Bevan's Gliscor. It started out as a fun-loving Gligar. He took in the world around himself, but never really had the mental maturity to process what it all meant. When he evolved, this sudden increase in mental capacity allowed him to analyse the raw data that he'd took in more, and it caused him to become depressed.

Does that make sense?

Feign said:
Perhaps we can ask the question then, would there be a backstory (if any and if relevant) to the pokemon themselves?

That, I honestly haven't decided on yet.

Feign said:
What side will Bevan's pokemon take (among other ones)

You sir, are correct. ;D

Feign · Sep 26, 2009

Citrinin said:
Because of this infrequency of seeing their views, I felt I had a bit more leeway here. My "fan's interpretation" of Pokémon is that they are reasonably intelligent, and they derive most of this knowledge from experience with humans. Also, their evolution cycle has always impressed on me that if they grow up physically in stages, rather than a smooth, gradual increase, a similar thing might apply with their mental capacity.

Take Bevan's Gliscor. It started out as a fun-loving Gligar. He took in the world around himself, but never really had the mental maturity to process what it all meant. When he evolved, this sudden increase in mental capacity allowed him to analyse the raw data that he'd took in more, and it caused him to become depressed.

Does that make sense?

That, I honestly haven't decided on yet.

You sir, are correct. ;D

Yeah, it makes sense, you're confirming what I had thought anyway. ;) Just thought I'd point it out as while it can be assumed, it also can be questioned.

I think that can be the hardest thing for authors though, is how much we can give our reader credit. Sure if we started off a book talking about something like: aghufs and saying how powerful they are, and the whole chapter continuing on through the plot... people would be lost at the beginning as to what they were. Basically it's the author knows-reader doesn't syndrome.

Citrinin · Sep 26, 2009

Feign said:
Just thought I'd point it out as while it can be assumed, it also can be questioned.

Oh, I definitely agree. ^^ It's good to be sure that you've got it right. :]

Feign said:
Sure if we started off a book talking about something like: aghufs and saying how powerful they are, and the whole chapter continuing on through the plot... people would be lost at the beginning as to what they were. Basically it's the author knows-reader doesn't syndrome.

Haha, true. I try my best to avoid this. You've probably noticed that I only give brief descriptions of already-existing Pokémon but dedicate up to a paragraph of description when a Torcran native Pokémon is released. Do you think I should perhaps add an explanatory paragraph?

Feign · Sep 26, 2009

Citrinin said:
Haha, true. I try my best to avoid this. You've probably noticed that I only give brief descriptions of already-existing Pokémon but dedicate up to a paragraph of description when a Torcran native Pokémon is released. Do you think I should perhaps add an explanatory paragraph?

Not really, we know that pokemon exist in your fic (not just for the fact that it is in this forum), so as long as you have pokemon and fakemon's name in the same sentence, it should be no problem to see the connection between the both of them. Even your mention of the pokemon being native in Torcra is enough I'd think.

Citrinin · Sep 26, 2009

Oh no, that's not what I meant. I know I don't need to explain what Pokémon are - but I mean an explanatory paragraph for my interpretation of their brain capacity. I'd probably have to tuck it back in the paragraph where Gliscor evolves, though. XD;

Feign · Sep 26, 2009

Citrinin said:
Oh no, that's not what I meant. I know I don't need to explain what Pokémon are - but I mean an explanatory paragraph for my interpretation of their brain capacity. I'd probably have to tuck it back in the paragraph where Gliscor evolves, though. XD;

Oh, well you've already sort of mentioned it (if anything indirectly, which is fine). Like when Gliscor had his epiphany. (lol I should find out why that first p is silent in my history class XD). You could however expand on it or something and make gliscor say that he suddenly feels smarter or something (not saying that that one would work though).

EDIT: lol I must be tired... epif... yeah... >.>

Citrinin · Sep 26, 2009

Feign said:
You could however expand on it or something and make gliscor say that he suddenly feels smarter or something (not saying that that one would work though).

Hmm, I think that was done implicitly through Gliscor questioning his own evolution... :s

Btw, I've created a PM list. VM/PM me, or post here if you want to be added. :D

Citrinin · Sep 28, 2009

Chapter Twenty-Three: Pulling the Pin
Charlotte, Bevan, Dagger, and two other members of the Knife were travelling by truck to Knife Base 4. It was outside Sectra Town, an emerging industrial hub in Torcra. But, most importantly, they were travelling to an adventure. A mission.

"So, what exactly is happening?" Bevan was riding in the back of the truck with several other members.

"We've discovered that The Eyes will be travelling there, for an important Unit 6 operation," answered Dagger. "Unit 6 has set up there in order to maintain a coordination of the new martial law."

"Why not set it up in Ozoldra?"

"Because that would put the operation in view of the other Oligarchs, and us. The capital is the first place of suspicion – most new operations of interest happen outside it. Sectra City is close, industrial, and well-monitored."

"And what are we planning to do?"

"Nip it in the bud. If we can slow down martial law, we can buy ourselves some more time. And, if we can kill The Eyes in the process…"

"By the way, I've been meaning to ask… why 6? What were Units 1 to 5?"

Dagger sighed to himself. "Up until sixty years ago, the secret police was not an umbrella term of agencies controlled by The Eyes, but a single organisation. They were far less pervasive, then. Unit 1 of the Secret Police was Counterterrorism and Organised Crime, Unit 2 was Suppression of Counterrevolutionaries, Unit 3 was Espionage, Unit 4 was Military Counterintelligence, and Unit 5 consisted of Guards, who would protect people of interest to the Oligarchy.

"Of course, sixty years ago, there was the split, that marked the single secret police agency becoming three. Still under the control of The Eyes, of course, but the split meant that each one became bigger and far more powerful. The State Security Bureau took on the more minor duties of Units 1 and 2. The Cloaks took on the major duties of Units 1, 2, and 5. The TIA took on the duties of Units 3 and 4. At every level, big and small, the secret police became present."

"And Unit 6?"

"Before the split, it was rumoured that there was a Unit 6, a small, flexible, and highly trained and equipped force. The rumours persisted, rising independently, and often in fictional books. Of course, the books above ground always depicted such a force as having heavenly powers, but you catch my drift. There is some evidence to suggest the existence of a Unit 6, but even now, we don't know for sure.

"Eight years ago, the Eyes created Unit 6, at Augury's request, according to our sources. This may indicate that there is truth to the original 'Unit 6', but the point stands that Augury wanted a highly trained, flexible force that worked with the highest levels of government to achieve difficult objectives. It was a more Oligarch-friendly version of his Moonlight Squad."

"Our history is quite unsavoury, isn't it?"

"Hell yes," replied Dagger grimly.

*

"You!"

Susan Adams, accompanied by a huddle of four cloaks, was confronted by a fifth cloak. She was irritated and leaving her secretive chambers, when she was confronted by a familiar and unwelcome face.

"What are you doing here?"

"You remind me of one of my school chums - Hortense," answered Rex. It was a secret code between Susan and Augury that her life was in serious danger. He had told her that in that event, it would be a member of the Moonlight Squad. Evidently, it was more serious than a simple feeling.

Susan's Cloaks looked at each other, confused. They were not familiar with what had just happened, but Susan waved her hand dismissively.

"So you'll be accompanying me?"

Rex nodded. "For the entire time."

The six walked up to the roof of the building, in deafening silence, where a helicopter was waiting. A Cloak was piloting it, and Susan's four Cloaks stepped back as she entered it. Rex entered the helicopter behind her.

They sat in silence, before Susan spoke up. "What does Augury plan to do?"

"You know."

"I know how he'll become the autocrat of Torcra, but what does he plan to do when he gets there?"

Rex smiled asymmetrically. "You're not to know that."

"I'm still an Oligarch, and you will answer my question!" Susan was seething. After saying this, she felt a closing, psychic grip around her pale, Botox-ridden throat.

Without even looking at her, Rex said, "Augury has been the autocrat for far longer than you've realised. It is only now becoming official. You've always been subordinate to me." He released his grip. "And if you don't like it, Adams, then I'll gladly throw you out the window. There are plenty of other capable candidates, eager to fill your shoes."

*

Cicero was in his laboratory, and a Manfred on crutches hobbled in.

"What are you doing now?"

Cicero smiled. "A shell protects a lot, but a Shuckle's shell protects perhaps too much."

Manfred raised an eyebrow. "For someone who likes people around him to speak bluntly, your words are surprisingly unhelpful."

"A Shuckle actually occupies little space inside its shell. The rest is occupied by a concoction of chemicals. It tends to be determined by the Shuckle's mood – when the Shuckle is happy, the concoction has a medicinal effect. When it is terrified, it is a lethal poison. In the Neolithic era, a sick caveman would entertain a Shuckle, while his friend would sneak up behind it and crack its shell open.

"In the medieval times, they learned they could dose Shuckle with strong Sleep Powder and make tiny cracks and suck it out, without killing the Shuckle. Then, when syringes were developed, we realised we could stick it into the legs where they were really close to the shell, and retrieve the concoction all the same.

"And we've been separating the chemicals and finding new ones ever since we've been able to take chemicals out without cracking the shell."

"And I take it that rack of vials is all taken from a Shuckle?"

Cicero nodded.

"So, what are you doing with them?"

"Finely mixing the chemicals across various moods."

"For…?"

"Well, Shuckle produces several interesting chemicals, which I thought about as I was lying in bed a few nights ago. They all have interesting effects, but if I were to mix them in with each other, tweaking with proportions and other catalysts, reagents, and auxiliary compounds, something incredible could happen. Imagine a chemical that could sever allegiances and make people turn to our side."

"You… you vowed never to open up the Red Files. This is brainwashing!"

Cicero shook his head. "No. The brainwashing from the Red Files was always permanent, and usually painful, debilitating. It would strip someone of their personality and creativity. But worst of all, it would be irreversible.

"The White Files, however, had 'soft brainwashing' components. If I'm right, we could inject it into someone. It would put them into a two-day coma, and their brain would become highly receptive to messages we placed in their head. Then, as they woke up, they would get endorphin releases from obeying these messages, and their other primal instincts, like eating. Then, other parts of the concoction would inhibit ceratonin release when they went against these messages, or did other things at the expense of it."

Essentially, it would make the subjects want to do what the Knife told them to, and make it difficult for them to experience any fulfilment from doing anything else.

"In other words, brainwashing while keeping their personality?"

"The wash isn't permanent, though. Every two weeks, they'd have to take a pill of another set of a lighter dose. Not enough to open their brain up to becoming totally receptive, or to induce another coma, but enough to keep them going. Impossible to administer on a large and dangerous scale, but useful with captured and intelligent prisoners."

"The way I see it, you're still stripping people of who you are." The usually light-hearted Manfred was stern.

"A part is not the whole, Manfred. If you replace the stereo in a car, it's still the same car."

Manfred shook his head. "P is not equal to P minus a very small amount."

"By that logic, people change who they are every day. We're just making them do it… faster. And in a new direction."

"And if the Oligarchy did that?"

"To make people agents of tyranny? Of course that would be bad."

Manfred shook his head. "Cicero, you're so arbitrary. Why should we get to decide what the right direction is for a person?"

"People should be free to be agents of the Oligarchy?"

"And we should be free to kill them. It's a form of self-defence, really. They push us, we push back. But to brainwash them…"

"Is a more clever form of self-defence. Rather than just outright kill them, we're putting them to good use. And then setting them free."

"You're taking their free will. Capturing them is self-defence. Brainwashing them is…"

"…Intelligent. Ultimately, we do more good than harm."

Manfred smirked. "You're a utilitarian, aren't you? You believe that the happiness of people can be added, subtracted, and multiplied across a population, so you can come to an objective conclusion of what path to pursue?"

"Of course. It might be nice to fluff around with arbitrary morals, but it's all about making the right decision."

"Based on what? Utilitarianism unravels itself here. Not only is it impossible to objectively quantify morality or 'happiness', your entire philosophy is built on achieving goals. Whence cometh these goals? Your objective methodology is still based on your subjective desires."

"Here I am, being lectured on what is right by a former cult leader who knelt to Augury."

"The alternative was death."

"You could have fled. I did."

"Because you were smart enough to."

"And you weren't?"

"No. You may be morally bankrupt and have only an elementary grasp of philosophy, but you know how to manipulate others and manipulate systems. I might have been able to wriggle out for a while, but I couldn't have survived."

"In that case," mused Cicero darkly, "perhaps it would have been better if you had tried."

*

Three days later, a seven-man squad of The Knife was undergoing a mission. Dagger, Bevan, Charlotte, and three other members of the Knife (two from the base near Ruraya, one from the base near Sectra), were preparing for their mission to disrupt the establishment of martial law. It was nighttime, and The Eyes was already in the building. All of the members were dressed like Dagger – covered in dark Pokémon fur, to protect from identification and psychic powers.

One member, squeezing silently through the ventilation shaft, aimed his gun, equipped with a silencer, at the two security guards below. He fired two clean shots, knocking them both to the floor, dead. The guard in the room next to them, viewing the security camera footage, would then send a distress call. Unfortunately, the signal was blocked by his glove – hackers back at Knife Base 4 were sending waves through his gloves to counter these waves.

The man dropped to the floor, silently. These guards would soon go cold, and their heat sensors underneath their armpits would set off a rather unwanted alarm, if that were to happen. Ripping open their shirts (and recoiling from the stench), he placed heat-generating patches where the sensors were. Still kneeling, he lifted one of their heads up to the iris scanner at the door. The scanner beeped in acceptance, and the moment the door swung open, it was a matter of who could shoot faster: the guard inside or the professional terrorist.

Two silent shots, and one man fell. The member of The Knife casually stepped over the dead guard's body, and shut the door behind him. It was time to get to work.

Eliminator Jr. · Sep 28, 2009

This is one of the best fan fictions I've ever read, if not the best. You should be proud of yourself. I'm glad I stumbled upon it. From any summary it would seem as if it's a bland story - what with a group of people against a tyranny and they have to be evil for the greater good and all that, but your character development and how far you've gone to foreshadow in your story is just terrific. Well done.

I've read this all over the past five or six days. I only spotted two mistakes. One was Charlotte's speech not having a quotation mark, but I can't remember where that one is. The other is at the beginning of chapter 20 you call Venomoth Venonat by mistake.

But yeah, well done. If you could add me to the PM List it would be greatly appreciated. Nice work.

Citrinin · Sep 28, 2009

Eliminator Jr. said:
This is one of the best fan fictions I've ever read, if not the best. You should be proud of yourself.

Thank you so much. ^___^

Eliminator Jr. said:
From any summary it would seem as if it's a bland story - what with a group of people against a tyranny and they have to be evil for the greater good and all that, but your character development and how far you've gone to foreshadow in your story is just terrific. Well done.

Thank you. :3 Those are two features I've tried to focus on, so it's good to see that they worked well. XD;

Eliminator Jr. said:
One was Charlotte's speech not having a quotation mark, but I can't remember where that one is. The other is at the beginning of chapter 20 you call Venomoth Venonat by mistake.

*Goes off to fix that* :P

Eliminator Jr. said:
If you could add me to the PM List it would be greatly appreciated.

Sure thing. :D

Feign · Sep 28, 2009

"TSP396H,"

While the code thing does work, it does make it highly suspicious (perhaps that is the point too, oh silly Augury XD), anyway, if it were something stranger and yet more "English" it could seem like it was something totally random. Like if Rex had said, "A school partakes in the misadventure of spelling", while the Cloaks may be confused, at least the sentence sounds like a fact, or some random rambling. I suppose though, that the Cloaks would be trained in a bit of cryptology as well.(just a thought anyway)

After saying this, she felt a closing, invisible grip around her pale, Botox-ridden throat.

I didn't realize it was psychic, until afterwards, as I had thought it was simply metaphorical or just the narratoration of her at the time; if anything, did you want to expand on that?

I'll have to agree with Cicero on this argument. XD

Nice sciencey (and to some extent jargonic) inclusions :P

Botox-ridden throat.

Haha, I had to laugh at that. XD

The man dropped to the floor, silently, and attached heat patches to the heat sensors on the guards' bodies that would go off if they detected the coldness of death.

I assume the man is part of the team? And you might want to expand on the explanation of the implications of the guard's body going cold, in one sentence it seems a bit fast.

Anyway, nice chapter :) Things are indeed getting underway. Lol, if Cicero and Manfred were a comedy duo, I'd pay to see them. XD

I'm just waiting for the moment when it get's accidently leaked that Bevan got his psychic powers as a result of an experiment. XD :P

Sgt Shock · Sep 28, 2009

Your explanation towards things are splendid. I might need to work on that myself. Your mind is logically creative. You explain things in a way that I didn't even think about doing. Especially with the Dark Pokemon Fur as well as the Shuckle explanation. I was like woah. I should really sit down and write ideas about my own story.

Love the chapter. :P

Citrinin · Sep 28, 2009

Feign said:
While the code thing does work, it does make it highly suspicious (perhaps that is the point too, oh silly Augury XD), anyway, if it were something stranger and yet more "English" it could seem like it was something totally random. Like if Rex had said, "A school partakes in the misadventure of spelling", while the Cloaks may be confused, at least the sentence sounds like a fact, or some random rambling. I suppose though, that the Cloaks would be trained in a bit of cryptology as well.(just a thought anyway)

Hmmm... that sounds like a good idea. Thanks. :D

Feign said:
I'll have to agree with Cicero on this argument. XD

The idea is that people make up their own minds with that, so it's perfectly fine. c:

Feign said:
I didn't realize it was psychic, until afterwards, as I had thought it was simply metaphorical or just the narratoration of her at the time; if anything, did you want to expand on that?

OK - I'll make that more clear. ^^

Feign said:
Nice sciencey (and to some extent jargonic) inclusions :P

Thanks. However, I wasn't meaning for it to be full of jargon - was the jargon confusing? :s

Feign said:
I assume the man is part of the team? And you might want to expand on the explanation of the implications of the guard's body going cold, in one sentence it seems a bit fast.

OK. :)

Feign said:
Anyway, nice chapter :) Things are indeed getting underway. Lol, if Cicero and Manfred were a comedy duo, I'd pay to see them. XD

Interesting how they give that impression even when talking about the most serious of matters, isn't it? ;D

Feign said:
I'm just waiting for the moment when it get's accidently leaked that Bevan got his psychic powers as a result of an experiment. XD

heh, I've written that moment, but it's probably going to need a rewrite. XD;

Sgt Shock said:
Your explanation towards things are splendid.

Thank you. ^^

Sgt Shock said:
You explain things in a way that I didn't even think about doing. Especially with the Dark Pokemon Fur as well as the Shuckle explanation. I was like woah.

^^; Thanks so much. These sorts of things just pop to mind a lot of the time. XD;;

Btw, I think you're being too hard on your own fic. I'm reading it (in my usual fashion - slowly XD). Grammatically, it could use some work, but it's a very solid concept, at least this far. ^^ But, as they say, we are our own harshest critics. :P

Feign · Sep 28, 2009

Citrinin said:
Thanks. However, I wasn't meaning for it to be full of jargon - was the jargon confusing? :s

Interesting how they give that impression even when talking about the most serious of matters, isn't it? ;D

Nah, it should be fine, I mention the "jargon" only because you are trying to explain it (a bit) through Pokemon, which does and doesn't work (not your fault though).

Yes indeed it is. XD

Citrinin · Sep 28, 2009

Feign said:
Nah, it should be fine, I mention the "jargon" only because you are trying to explain it (a bit) through Pokemon, which does and doesn't work (not your fault though).

Could you give a few examples? I'd like to fix it if I can. :P

Feign said:
Yes indeed it is. XD

Especially since I removed (most of) the comedy from that could have been in that scene. XD;

[Pokémon] He who is Merely a Rumour

Goldsmith

Nephrotoxic.

Goldsmith

Nephrotoxic.

Clain

Nephrotoxic.

Clain

Nephrotoxic.

Clain

Nephrotoxic.

Clain

Nephrotoxic.

Nephrotoxic.

Nephrotoxic.

Clain

Goldsmith

Nephrotoxic.

Clain

Nephrotoxic.