Elite Overlord LeSabre™
On that 'Non stop road'
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- Age 98
- Shimoda City
- Seen today
A/N: My 2015 Get-Together entry, which got third place. It's not a "story" in the traditional sense, more like a fictional how-to guide that also points out some of the more ridiculous aspect of the games.
Only minor edits have been made to the original entry.
So You Want to Be a Team Leader
Greetings! This publication is for anyone who has dreams and aspirations of creating their own malevolent Pokemon organization but wishes to avoid the pitfalls of the failed teams of the past. We have carefully examined those groups and analyzed the errors they have made, as well as the good decisions they made in spite of their ultimate downfall. Hopefully, these tips will help you create an organization that will succeed in your nefarious goals.
BASICS
Don't call your organization a "Team"
The Pokemon world has seen enough evil groups called "Team Whatever" that they are now instantly wary of any group whose name begins with "Team." To avoid suspicions instantly being cast upon your group, we suggest alternate names. For example, instead of "Team Nighthound," call yourself "The Nighthound Brotherhood," or "The Nighthound Clan," or "The Nighthound Society." Such names are less suspicious than the oft-copied "Team" names, and will grant more credibility to your organization.
RECRUITMENT AND RETENTION
Your group is (likely) a cult – use their recruitment and retention tactics!
You may be considering forming a group in the vein of Team Rocket – an outright criminal organization. If so, you can move on to the next step. However, if you want to shield your group's true intentions behind a facade of respectability, you will want to take cues from groups like Team Plasma and Team Flare – as well as other cult leaders like Jim Jones and David Koresh. Don't be put off by the label of "cult" - embrace it. We will not go into details here (see our publication, "So You Want to Be a Cult Leader" for those) but in brief:
Utilize "love bombing" – make potential recruits feel welcomed and part of the "family." Make them feel as if your organization truly cares for their well-being, and that your group is a place where they can be comfortable and enjoy fellowship.
Profess a noble cause – Outwardly, your group has a grand plan that will benefit the common good. Only you and any top lieutenants you have should know the true nature of the group. Hide your own greedy and nefarious goals. Don't slip up and blurt them out in public – that is what ultimately exposed Ghetsis of Team Plasma.
Assert that only your group can achieve your noble cause – Stress that your goal is so revolutionary, only your group can accomplish it, and that it will require teamwork and for all members to be on board for your vision and the team's mission. This will instill your membership with a sense of pride and make them feel like they are part of something big, and will help to discourage desertion. Remember, desertion often leads to betrayal so you want to avoid having members leave the group.
Other ways to discourage desertion – Claim that any who leave will be punished once your group achieves its goals. Make members feel guilty that they are abandoning a worthy cause. Send loyal members to harass and intimidate those who do leave and make it clear that your organization is like the Hotel California: "You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave."
Ensure that your top lieutenants are loyal to the cause
Choose your friends wisely. Do the same for the people immediately underneath you on the team hierarchy. People you have known for much of your life are good candidates. People highly motivated by greed or a lust for power are also good choices. Be wary of people who are loyal to the fake "noble" cause your group outwardly projects, or who seem to have a curious mind. They are liable to turn on you if they should gain more information about the group or matters that they are curious about. We point to the examples on "N" and Colress from Team Plasma as examples of high-level members who went on to betray the leader. Keep a tight rein on those in your inner circle, and arm them with full parties of powerful Pokemon to minimize the chances of defeat. Keep them satisfied and content with the group, especially if they are aware of your secret ambitions.
Try to avoid hiring incompetent members if possible
We understand the concept of "strength in numbers." However, you are not doing your group a favor if many among those numbers are incapable or unwilling to properly do their jobs. You should have minimum requirements and an "interview/training" process designed to weed out those not qualified to handle tasks required by the team. If you must recruit large numbers of members regardless of skill level, at least don't entrust critical roles to those who have not proven themselves capable. There is nothing more frustrating than having important missions thwarted because of the incompetence of your own team members. Be selective in the recruitment process if your organization can afford it.
POKEMON USAGE
Think outside the box – use Pokemon that aren't usually associated with "evil teams" but do so with discretion
It's too easy to go with Pokemon like Raticate, Golbat, and Koffing – they are staples of the evil teams of the past, and seem perfectly suited to being included on your members' rosters. But remember the basic piece of advice given to all trainers when they start out – training a variety of Pokemon types gives your team diversity and allows you to address a variety of threats. If an adversary comes at you with a Kadabra or Meowstic and all you have are two Golbats and a Muk, how do you think things will turn out? Why not throw in an Umbreon or Mismagius? Many teams are reluctant to use certain Pokemon because they don't look "tough" enough – don't be that team.
But don't think that any old Pokemon is eligible. Tiny, cute, unevolved Pokemon with little attack power have no place on your team members' rosters. They are detrimental to your team's image and reputation, and a hindrance in battle as they are easily defeated and will inflict little damage on your opponent's Pokemon. If you wish to use "cute" Pokemon as "curveballs," use ones that have the power and strength to do significant damage against foes.
On a similar topic, you want larger, more powerful Pokemon sooner rather than later. Unless there is a particularly devastating attack that you must have on a particular Pokemon, evolve it at the earliest opportunity. This not only gives your members a greater chance of defeating adversaries, it also lends your team an extra bit of intimidation and respect from the populace.
Trainers can carry up to six Pokemon – this includes your team members!
It constantly amazes us how many members of the failed teams of the past only had two or three Pokemon in their possession – some even had only a single Pokemon! Why do teams do this? This had been especially problematic in Team Plasma and Team Flare, where virtually every member except for the leader had at most three Pokemon – even higher-ups in the organization. Your grunt members can carry up to six Pokemon – take full advantage of it. Remember that your adversary will likely be carrying close to six Pokemon. Don't be outnumbered.
Teamwork pays off – but only if you approach it the right way
Recently, Teams Aqua and Magma had an excellent idea, but executed it very poorly. The idea – attack the opponent in groups of five. The problem? Each of their five grunt members only used one Pokemon, and they were significantly weaker than their peers who used more normal battle tactics. The five vs. one idea works, but don't be stupid about it. Arm each of the five with six Pokemon each, and make sure they are at the same level as the rest of your grunt members. The result? You now have a significant numbers advantage (thirty to six), five of your Pokemon are attacking at once, and you are on equal footing as far as strength is concerned. Using this strategy, victory can be all but assured. Remember, you are a TEAM. Your chief adversary is likely a lone wolf who doesn't battle or cooperate alongside others. Which brings us to our next point.
Take advantage of the "annoying friend who runs interference"
The trend of "one singularly powerful trainer wipes out entire team" is nothing new, dating back to the girl who decimated Team Rocket. However, we have observed a new trend with Team Flare which gives future teams hope in combating these powerful trainers – the girl who defeated Team Flare reportedly had an unidentified male come running in and force his way into battle several times. Former Flare members that we interviewed recall the powerful female adversary being noticeably frustrated at the other trainer's interference, and on several occasions she made a concerted effort to defeat his Pokemon prior to attacking the Pokemon used by the team members. It was also noted that his Pokemon were significantly weaker and he would frequently use ineffective attacks and proved to be more of a hindrance than an assistance in the battle. In the future, you can use this to your advantage. Your primary adversary will likely grow frustrated and distracted by this unwanted interference and may not battle at their peak. We suggest ignoring the unwanted help and attacking the Pokemon belonging to the primary adversary, as the other trainer will likely contribute little to the battle and you can attack the real threat 2-on-1. If you are lucky, your foe will be so intent on defeating the nuisance trainer's Pokemon out of spite that they will completely ignore your team's Pokemon for several turns, enabling you to inflict serious damage to the Pokemon that you truly need to worry about.
Think carefully before utilizing legendary Pokemon as part of your grand scheme
Teams Aqua and Magma perfectly demonstrated the pitfalls of using such Pokemon. Yes, they are insanely powerful, with the ability to change the landscape of the wold to suit your team's goals. But because of the great amount of power they possess, their actions can be unpredictable, and they can turn on you. Don't think that you have the power to control them – the colored orbs possessed by Maxie and Archie were purported to be able to control Groudon and Kyogre, but the orbs did not, in actuality, have that ability. Likewise, don't assume technology can control legendary Pokemon either. You may underestimate the Pokemon's ability, or your adversaries may disable and destroy the equipment built to control the Pokemon, or there may be flaws and glitches in the equipment. Don't risk it. The consequences may be far greater than you and your team could have ever anticipated.
SECURITY
Passwords for your doors should be as strong as passwords for your online bank account
"Open Sesame." We still can't wrap our minds around why Team Flare would use such a terrible password for their laboratory. Online experts suggest utilizing a combination of numbers, upper- and lower-case letters, and symbols for online account passwords. We suggest the same for passwords to your facilities; after all, securing these locations is absolutely vital to the success of your organization. Use long passwords, and give brief segments of them to trustworthy members, ones who have proven both their loyalty and competence. This does require all the members assigned the password segments to assemble together to access the password-protected area, but it is an extra measure of security that could end up paying dividends.
Use lanyards, chains, or other methods to properly secure keys and swipe cards to the body
"Oh no! I dropped the Lift Key!" These now-infamous words reflect the need for this piece of advice. Don't be that Grunt. Members who are entrusted with keys should wear them attached to a lanyard that they wear around their neck, or to a chain that is in turn attached to their belt. Make sure the lanyard/chain is long enough so that they can use the key/card without detaching it, and instruct them not to detach it under any circumstances. And like with the passwords, give these out only to members who have proven themselves worthy and capable.
Utilize disguises
When every member of your group wears the standard "team" uniform, it allows identification of allies in the field easily. However, it is like placing a huge target on their backs – opponents will simply go after everyone dressed in that uniform. Mix things up, but don't be overly flamboyant or your "disguised" members will end up drawing attention to themselves for a different reason. Keep disguises simple and so that they blend in with the populace – T-shirts, shorts or pants, ball caps, and sneakers or sandals. Give them a small identifying accessory – a necklace, button, or bracelet – that team members can use to identify their undercover teammates, but make sure that these accessories bear no marks relating to the team. With this, you now have the element of surprise on your side. Your undercover members can sneak up on your opponent posing as an ordinary citizen, and take them by complete surprise.
Don't spill secrets, even upon defeat
One more thing that has perplexed us is the number of times a defeated team member will divulge secrets, or even hand over vital keys or passwords, once they are defeated. Instruct your team members not to do so, under any circumstances. Require them to take a vow of silence, even if defeated in battle.
ONE FINAL TIP
Your members can fire a gun faster than your opponent can pull out a Pokeball
Your group is already likely committing crimes. Just abandon any preconceived notions of "honor" and go for the AR-15 assault rifles. If you can eliminate your primary adversary in a secluded location (like one of your hideouts or laboratories) you don't have to worry about things like security breaches or having grunts be outnumbered. The primary threat is now gone. It is surprising to us why more teams do not heed this advice. The tactic of sticking purely to Pokemon battles has proven to be ineffective. The use of weapons has only caught on within the past few years in the Pokemon world, and relatively few groups employ them. This is an excellent opportunity to take your foes by surprise. They're expecting a Pokemon battle. They're probably not expecting guns, knives, Molotov cocktails, or hand-to-hand combat.
But be cautioned – the authorities are aware of this strategy. With increasing frequency, they are sending in agents who are specially trained in non-Pokemon skills like firearms, hand-to-hand combat, and extreme driving. One female agent hired by the Pokemon League should be of great concern, as she has had extensive training in all of these skills and has taken down a number of organizations who indeed do use non-Pokemon methods of combat. Still, weapons are an excellent tool to use against the stereotypical "powerful young trainer" who threatens to thwart your plans. But they are no longer a "magic" solution that can deal with all threats.
CONCLUSION
We hope this advice has been helpful. As has often been said, it is important to learn from the mistakes of the past to avoid repeating them in the future. Many mistakes have been made by the teams of the past. By presenting you with this information, it is our desire that you will use their misfortune to ensure that your organization does not end up facing a similar fate. Much of the advice here is basic common sense, and it is surprising that previous groups threw caution to the wind in the manner that they did. Please use our advice herein to create a stronger organization that is operated in a more intelligent fashion than the teams that have preceded yours.
We wish you luck in your endeavor to create an organization that will succeed in achieving your goals, however lofty they may be.
Only minor edits have been made to the original entry.
So You Want to Be a Team Leader
Greetings! This publication is for anyone who has dreams and aspirations of creating their own malevolent Pokemon organization but wishes to avoid the pitfalls of the failed teams of the past. We have carefully examined those groups and analyzed the errors they have made, as well as the good decisions they made in spite of their ultimate downfall. Hopefully, these tips will help you create an organization that will succeed in your nefarious goals.
BASICS
Don't call your organization a "Team"
The Pokemon world has seen enough evil groups called "Team Whatever" that they are now instantly wary of any group whose name begins with "Team." To avoid suspicions instantly being cast upon your group, we suggest alternate names. For example, instead of "Team Nighthound," call yourself "The Nighthound Brotherhood," or "The Nighthound Clan," or "The Nighthound Society." Such names are less suspicious than the oft-copied "Team" names, and will grant more credibility to your organization.
RECRUITMENT AND RETENTION
Your group is (likely) a cult – use their recruitment and retention tactics!
You may be considering forming a group in the vein of Team Rocket – an outright criminal organization. If so, you can move on to the next step. However, if you want to shield your group's true intentions behind a facade of respectability, you will want to take cues from groups like Team Plasma and Team Flare – as well as other cult leaders like Jim Jones and David Koresh. Don't be put off by the label of "cult" - embrace it. We will not go into details here (see our publication, "So You Want to Be a Cult Leader" for those) but in brief:
Utilize "love bombing" – make potential recruits feel welcomed and part of the "family." Make them feel as if your organization truly cares for their well-being, and that your group is a place where they can be comfortable and enjoy fellowship.
Profess a noble cause – Outwardly, your group has a grand plan that will benefit the common good. Only you and any top lieutenants you have should know the true nature of the group. Hide your own greedy and nefarious goals. Don't slip up and blurt them out in public – that is what ultimately exposed Ghetsis of Team Plasma.
Assert that only your group can achieve your noble cause – Stress that your goal is so revolutionary, only your group can accomplish it, and that it will require teamwork and for all members to be on board for your vision and the team's mission. This will instill your membership with a sense of pride and make them feel like they are part of something big, and will help to discourage desertion. Remember, desertion often leads to betrayal so you want to avoid having members leave the group.
Other ways to discourage desertion – Claim that any who leave will be punished once your group achieves its goals. Make members feel guilty that they are abandoning a worthy cause. Send loyal members to harass and intimidate those who do leave and make it clear that your organization is like the Hotel California: "You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave."
Ensure that your top lieutenants are loyal to the cause
Choose your friends wisely. Do the same for the people immediately underneath you on the team hierarchy. People you have known for much of your life are good candidates. People highly motivated by greed or a lust for power are also good choices. Be wary of people who are loyal to the fake "noble" cause your group outwardly projects, or who seem to have a curious mind. They are liable to turn on you if they should gain more information about the group or matters that they are curious about. We point to the examples on "N" and Colress from Team Plasma as examples of high-level members who went on to betray the leader. Keep a tight rein on those in your inner circle, and arm them with full parties of powerful Pokemon to minimize the chances of defeat. Keep them satisfied and content with the group, especially if they are aware of your secret ambitions.
Try to avoid hiring incompetent members if possible
We understand the concept of "strength in numbers." However, you are not doing your group a favor if many among those numbers are incapable or unwilling to properly do their jobs. You should have minimum requirements and an "interview/training" process designed to weed out those not qualified to handle tasks required by the team. If you must recruit large numbers of members regardless of skill level, at least don't entrust critical roles to those who have not proven themselves capable. There is nothing more frustrating than having important missions thwarted because of the incompetence of your own team members. Be selective in the recruitment process if your organization can afford it.
POKEMON USAGE
Think outside the box – use Pokemon that aren't usually associated with "evil teams" but do so with discretion
It's too easy to go with Pokemon like Raticate, Golbat, and Koffing – they are staples of the evil teams of the past, and seem perfectly suited to being included on your members' rosters. But remember the basic piece of advice given to all trainers when they start out – training a variety of Pokemon types gives your team diversity and allows you to address a variety of threats. If an adversary comes at you with a Kadabra or Meowstic and all you have are two Golbats and a Muk, how do you think things will turn out? Why not throw in an Umbreon or Mismagius? Many teams are reluctant to use certain Pokemon because they don't look "tough" enough – don't be that team.
But don't think that any old Pokemon is eligible. Tiny, cute, unevolved Pokemon with little attack power have no place on your team members' rosters. They are detrimental to your team's image and reputation, and a hindrance in battle as they are easily defeated and will inflict little damage on your opponent's Pokemon. If you wish to use "cute" Pokemon as "curveballs," use ones that have the power and strength to do significant damage against foes.
On a similar topic, you want larger, more powerful Pokemon sooner rather than later. Unless there is a particularly devastating attack that you must have on a particular Pokemon, evolve it at the earliest opportunity. This not only gives your members a greater chance of defeating adversaries, it also lends your team an extra bit of intimidation and respect from the populace.
Trainers can carry up to six Pokemon – this includes your team members!
It constantly amazes us how many members of the failed teams of the past only had two or three Pokemon in their possession – some even had only a single Pokemon! Why do teams do this? This had been especially problematic in Team Plasma and Team Flare, where virtually every member except for the leader had at most three Pokemon – even higher-ups in the organization. Your grunt members can carry up to six Pokemon – take full advantage of it. Remember that your adversary will likely be carrying close to six Pokemon. Don't be outnumbered.
Teamwork pays off – but only if you approach it the right way
Recently, Teams Aqua and Magma had an excellent idea, but executed it very poorly. The idea – attack the opponent in groups of five. The problem? Each of their five grunt members only used one Pokemon, and they were significantly weaker than their peers who used more normal battle tactics. The five vs. one idea works, but don't be stupid about it. Arm each of the five with six Pokemon each, and make sure they are at the same level as the rest of your grunt members. The result? You now have a significant numbers advantage (thirty to six), five of your Pokemon are attacking at once, and you are on equal footing as far as strength is concerned. Using this strategy, victory can be all but assured. Remember, you are a TEAM. Your chief adversary is likely a lone wolf who doesn't battle or cooperate alongside others. Which brings us to our next point.
Take advantage of the "annoying friend who runs interference"
The trend of "one singularly powerful trainer wipes out entire team" is nothing new, dating back to the girl who decimated Team Rocket. However, we have observed a new trend with Team Flare which gives future teams hope in combating these powerful trainers – the girl who defeated Team Flare reportedly had an unidentified male come running in and force his way into battle several times. Former Flare members that we interviewed recall the powerful female adversary being noticeably frustrated at the other trainer's interference, and on several occasions she made a concerted effort to defeat his Pokemon prior to attacking the Pokemon used by the team members. It was also noted that his Pokemon were significantly weaker and he would frequently use ineffective attacks and proved to be more of a hindrance than an assistance in the battle. In the future, you can use this to your advantage. Your primary adversary will likely grow frustrated and distracted by this unwanted interference and may not battle at their peak. We suggest ignoring the unwanted help and attacking the Pokemon belonging to the primary adversary, as the other trainer will likely contribute little to the battle and you can attack the real threat 2-on-1. If you are lucky, your foe will be so intent on defeating the nuisance trainer's Pokemon out of spite that they will completely ignore your team's Pokemon for several turns, enabling you to inflict serious damage to the Pokemon that you truly need to worry about.
Think carefully before utilizing legendary Pokemon as part of your grand scheme
Teams Aqua and Magma perfectly demonstrated the pitfalls of using such Pokemon. Yes, they are insanely powerful, with the ability to change the landscape of the wold to suit your team's goals. But because of the great amount of power they possess, their actions can be unpredictable, and they can turn on you. Don't think that you have the power to control them – the colored orbs possessed by Maxie and Archie were purported to be able to control Groudon and Kyogre, but the orbs did not, in actuality, have that ability. Likewise, don't assume technology can control legendary Pokemon either. You may underestimate the Pokemon's ability, or your adversaries may disable and destroy the equipment built to control the Pokemon, or there may be flaws and glitches in the equipment. Don't risk it. The consequences may be far greater than you and your team could have ever anticipated.
SECURITY
Passwords for your doors should be as strong as passwords for your online bank account
"Open Sesame." We still can't wrap our minds around why Team Flare would use such a terrible password for their laboratory. Online experts suggest utilizing a combination of numbers, upper- and lower-case letters, and symbols for online account passwords. We suggest the same for passwords to your facilities; after all, securing these locations is absolutely vital to the success of your organization. Use long passwords, and give brief segments of them to trustworthy members, ones who have proven both their loyalty and competence. This does require all the members assigned the password segments to assemble together to access the password-protected area, but it is an extra measure of security that could end up paying dividends.
Use lanyards, chains, or other methods to properly secure keys and swipe cards to the body
"Oh no! I dropped the Lift Key!" These now-infamous words reflect the need for this piece of advice. Don't be that Grunt. Members who are entrusted with keys should wear them attached to a lanyard that they wear around their neck, or to a chain that is in turn attached to their belt. Make sure the lanyard/chain is long enough so that they can use the key/card without detaching it, and instruct them not to detach it under any circumstances. And like with the passwords, give these out only to members who have proven themselves worthy and capable.
Utilize disguises
When every member of your group wears the standard "team" uniform, it allows identification of allies in the field easily. However, it is like placing a huge target on their backs – opponents will simply go after everyone dressed in that uniform. Mix things up, but don't be overly flamboyant or your "disguised" members will end up drawing attention to themselves for a different reason. Keep disguises simple and so that they blend in with the populace – T-shirts, shorts or pants, ball caps, and sneakers or sandals. Give them a small identifying accessory – a necklace, button, or bracelet – that team members can use to identify their undercover teammates, but make sure that these accessories bear no marks relating to the team. With this, you now have the element of surprise on your side. Your undercover members can sneak up on your opponent posing as an ordinary citizen, and take them by complete surprise.
Don't spill secrets, even upon defeat
One more thing that has perplexed us is the number of times a defeated team member will divulge secrets, or even hand over vital keys or passwords, once they are defeated. Instruct your team members not to do so, under any circumstances. Require them to take a vow of silence, even if defeated in battle.
ONE FINAL TIP
Your members can fire a gun faster than your opponent can pull out a Pokeball
Your group is already likely committing crimes. Just abandon any preconceived notions of "honor" and go for the AR-15 assault rifles. If you can eliminate your primary adversary in a secluded location (like one of your hideouts or laboratories) you don't have to worry about things like security breaches or having grunts be outnumbered. The primary threat is now gone. It is surprising to us why more teams do not heed this advice. The tactic of sticking purely to Pokemon battles has proven to be ineffective. The use of weapons has only caught on within the past few years in the Pokemon world, and relatively few groups employ them. This is an excellent opportunity to take your foes by surprise. They're expecting a Pokemon battle. They're probably not expecting guns, knives, Molotov cocktails, or hand-to-hand combat.
But be cautioned – the authorities are aware of this strategy. With increasing frequency, they are sending in agents who are specially trained in non-Pokemon skills like firearms, hand-to-hand combat, and extreme driving. One female agent hired by the Pokemon League should be of great concern, as she has had extensive training in all of these skills and has taken down a number of organizations who indeed do use non-Pokemon methods of combat. Still, weapons are an excellent tool to use against the stereotypical "powerful young trainer" who threatens to thwart your plans. But they are no longer a "magic" solution that can deal with all threats.
CONCLUSION
We hope this advice has been helpful. As has often been said, it is important to learn from the mistakes of the past to avoid repeating them in the future. Many mistakes have been made by the teams of the past. By presenting you with this information, it is our desire that you will use their misfortune to ensure that your organization does not end up facing a similar fate. Much of the advice here is basic common sense, and it is surprising that previous groups threw caution to the wind in the manner that they did. Please use our advice herein to create a stronger organization that is operated in a more intelligent fashion than the teams that have preceded yours.
We wish you luck in your endeavor to create an organization that will succeed in achieving your goals, however lofty they may be.
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