Fire Red | Pokemon Illusioned Vision

Project Name: Pokemon Illusioned Vision
Engine / ROM Base: Pokemon Fire Red
History:

Your story begins any day, the sky turns black as if a storm is coming. Boring to keep an eye on the house while your parents are away, you decide to go out and play outside with the other kids in the neighborhood.

At two o'clock, your parents arrive, angry people watching you play outside. But they do not add importance to the matter and they enter the house, you frightened by the anger that you can take you enter behind links with the face of good boy. But what was waiting for you was not a scolding ... suddenly a white light immobilizes you and suffocates you, when you finally get rid of this distressing situation you see your parents on the ground without any signs of life.

Your only idea is to go to the neighbor's house, who astonished by what you tell him decides to go inveestigar. You stay in his house expectant of his return, but the truth is that he does not return alone. Some men unknown to you get you into their van without even telling you their names and take you to a government institution where homeless children are trained to serve in the war.

At the age of 20, you become one of the regiment's most honored soldiers and you can choose to stay
Training or going out and begin your adventure. Do not hesitate for a moment.

You are already settled in a house and have a stable job, but one day a package arrives at your house. In it is a letter that says:

Dear [Player]:

We are the government of the Heiwa Region inform you that you have been selected to do a mission entrusted to the best of the regiment, you will have all the information on a chip that we have sent them.
Att: G.R.H.

[Player]: Well, I'll have to start this, but first I'll see what's on the chip.

Chip: Well Agent [Player] your mission is to locate and extract the documents named "Project N" that have been stolen by the "Squad Mystic" this is your mission, because you have been chosen? You will know very soon.

[Player]: One moment but the "Squad Mystic" is not supposed to protect people, I do not understand how they can steal, well I'll have to do it.

Thank you for your attention, I hope you like it ... Any suggestions are appreciated.

Keep in mind that in a hack, there usually will not be paragraphs upon paragraphs of text. Consider how you will actually convey this /in the hack/, and if a shorter explanation would suffice:

'One day a white light swept over your family, killing your parents. You run for help, but when the authorities arrive they kidnap you into their van. You are trained to serve for war against your will, and at age 20, are given your first mission.'

Honestly, it makes no sense the government would kidnap you, forcibly train you, then just let you go / give you the option of taking the mission or not. If they've gone through the bother of trying to brainwash you to be a good soldier (Why else kidnap a kid?) they will take any sign of defection as a serious threat, since having soldiers angry at being kidnapped leave the army is a good way to get taken over. You have, after all, just trained them how to use weapons that they can now turn on you, and they have plenty of reasons to want to rebel. Such individuals would have to be watched constantly.

Don't do ideas half way. Think through the implications.

You also have several ideas that don't seem immediately connected: white light of doom, stolen packages, army kidnapping. I suggest tying those together somehow. Perhaps you should consider making the thief / supposedly evil team the good guys, who try to break your brainwashing?