pastelspectre
Memento Mori★
- 2,167
- Posts
- 14
- Years
- Age 26
- he/him
- The Pacific Northwest
- Seen Feb 6, 2024
AN (Author's Note): I wrote this like 2 years ago when I was really obsessed with Game Grumps, more specifically Daniel Avidan. I was given a writing prompt or something for my creative writing class in 12th grade and I wrote this, so..yeah. I figured I might as well post it here. Feel free to give criticism. Just don't be too harsh. I know I'm not the absolute best writer. Warning: there are small mentions of drugs and implied hints of sexual things. You have been warned. Now, onto the story!
I slide my back down the wall, my black leather jacket halfway past my shoulders. I wore a short sleeve gray shirt with a skull on it, leggings, and nice black combat boots. What little of my arms showed revealed many scars and burn marks on it, some new and some old. I feel my hand shaking, aching to hear his smooth, velvety voice. His name was Leigh Daniel Avidan. He typically went by Dan or Danny, though. I had a soft spot for his first name though; it trickled so smoothly off the tip of my tongue. We had met through having the same high school classes together. I had accidentally bumped into him, and it just..came together from there. From then on, we sort of..had a thing going, I'd guess. He'd help me out with whatever problems I had, and I would help him through...other ways. With other needs he had.
I held a lit cigarette in my hand, moving it to my mouth. I inhaled the smoke and exhaled it, loving the burn it gave my lungs. It made me feel alive. Just the littlest bit alive, but it helped. I hadn't talked to him in weeks now, mainly because I was too much of a coward to call him, and he hadn't tried to contact me at all for one reason or another. So much for being there when I needed him. I guess I was just being a bit sensitive though most likely, as usual. I just hated feeling so lonely and hating myself all the time. It was partially my fault though for being a big baby about it.
"Screw it," I mutter, finally deciding to call him as I throw my cigarette on the ground. It was practically a nub by now anyways. I put it out with my boot and pull out my phone, dialing his number as I press the phone to my ear, hearing the other side ring for a few moments before I finally heard a deep, groggy voice but smooth like honey answer.
"Hello?" He mumbles groggily into the receiver. I felt my heart skip a few beats as I heard it, feeling butterflies in my stomach like a little schoolgirl. I bit my lip nervously, feeling like I had bothered him at the wrong time. I debated just hanging up and leaving him to go back to sleep, but it was too late now. The deed was done. I ached for his warm body around me. I couldn't get enough of it.
"Leigh? I need to see you..please," I whimpered into the phone. I hated how I sounded. I sounded so desperate, so needy. Which I mean, I guess technically I was. However, I also wasn't having the best of days and the only person who could ever seem to cheer me up lately was Leigh. I didn't want to admit that to him though; I knew I would just scare him off. He'd think I was being too codependent. I heard him chuckle and breathe a sleepy sigh on the other line, sending a shudder down my spine as I was somewhat familiar with that sound by now.
"You just can't get enough of me now, can you baby girl?" He responded back, his deep, sleepy voice combined with that petname he gave me sending another shudder down my spine, making me gulp. I could practically see him grinning through the phone, knowing he was probably happy I even admitted this much to him. I hardly ever opened up about my feelings unless they were negative. Like I said, he helped me with my needs and I helped him with his. "But yeah, I'll be right over. Where do you want to meet? The usual place?"
I nod and then remember he can't see me so I respond with a quick yes. You see, me and him usually met up at the bridge nearby my house. There was a small forest area under it that had moss and graffiti everywhere, as well as a large rock you could sit on and rid all your troubles away if you wanted, which was what we usually did when we went down there. Whether it was through talking, smoking weed, or other various ways that were.. not the best, we got rid of our troubles. Even it was temporary, it still got rid of the pain for a little while.
"Okay, I'll see you then doll," Leigh responds, snapping me out of my thoughts. I hear the line go dead and sit with my thoughts for a few minutes before finally starting to walk to our usual place under the bridge. I was thankful it wasn't too far from where I was now; probably only a five or ten minute walk depending on your speed. I stuffed my phone in my pocket and continued walking as my thoughts swarmed around my head. I thought about how we usually got high as hell and fooled around, feeling my face heat up. I had romantic feelings for him, but the thought of relationships and labels gave him anxiety. I could understand, I was also the same way.
There was just something about him though that was different. Maybe it was the fact that he was the only man that give me his undivided attention and listened to everything I had to say, no matter how silly it seemed might've seemed to anyone else. Perhaps it was the fact that he's the only man that I've ever been close with. I sigh and feel myself shudder in the cold breeze that passed me by. Soon I was at the bridge and I felt my heartbeat speed up at the thought of seeing him again. I could hear his snorts and giggles and felt myself smile softly, knowing he was either high or looking at the newest stoner post from a friend on Facebook. I slowly walked around the bridge and through the small gap of the trees, seeing Leigh sat on the rock and laughing softly as I saw he was indeed on his phone.
The crunch of the leaves as I walked towards him made Leigh look up and I saw him smile widely. He got up and we met halfway as he pulled me in for a bear hug. He wore a Rush shirt as usual, his favorite band, with black ripped jeans and converse. I blushed and smiled widely as I could smell his cologne. He was about 6 ft, a tall, lanky bean pole basically. I only came up to..about his collar bones. He kissed the top of my head and I felt my face heat up even more, not used to such affection from him when it wasn't..sexual. I tried to push that thought out of my head and hesitantly pulled away from his hug after a few moments. I looked up at him and smiled sheepishly. His dyed cotton candy blue hair slightly in his face as he looked down at me, his septum piercing shining slightly in the moonlight.
"I knew you couldn't get enough of me baby girl," He grinned, ruffling my hair. I felt myself blush again, knowing he was right. I merely nodded though, not wanting to admit it. I was sure that he knew he was right though; he just liked to see me blush and fumble across my words. I desperately wanted to kiss him but I didn't want to seem clingy or needy by making the first move. Luckily, he made the first move. He grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the rock and sat me on his lap, leaning in to kiss me softly at first, and then more rough as the minutes passed, slipping his tongue in my mouth. I feel my breath hitch as I entangle my hand in his large mass of blue curls, feeling his own breath do the same as I tug on his hair just ever so slightly. I pull away hesitantly after a few minutes and knew my whole face was probably as red as a tomato, looking up at him, seeing smile a toothy grin. I sit next to him and take his hands in mine, looking down as I tried to compose my thoughts. I feel a finger pull my chin back up and I smile sheepishly.
"Sorry, Leigh..I'm just..trying to compose my thoughts," I respond, "I'm trying to figure out how to say the right words and not..fuck up," I sigh and he nods in understanding, keeping quiet as he lets me think, which I was grateful for. After a few minutes of staring at his Rush shirt he was wearing I finally speak up, inhaling a deep breath and then exhaling. "I'm having family issues..what a surprise huh?" I knew it wasn't a surprise to him, obviously. I complained about my family issues all the time. It was awful at home. My parents constantly argued and screamed at each other, threw things at each other without caring how I felt when this went on. They insulted each other and would even resort to physically hurting each other if it ever got that bad, which sometimes, it did. Sometimes my father would even hurt me.
"My father is moving away. Thank the Lord.. I never thought the day would come," I continued, taking another deep breath before continuing again, "It's nothing sad, really, considering all he and my mom did to each other and to me. He mentally scarred me and physically hurt me sometimes, especially when he got drunk off his fucking ass and couldn't think properly. He hurt both me and my mom for years, pushing our buttons until we snapped. Mostly my mom.. He says he's a domestic abuse survivor but I know that's a load of shit. It was almost always my dad hurting my mom and making her feel like she didn't matter, like she was just a speck of dirt on this fucking Earth."
"My mom was infuriated when she learned he was saying that to his friends.. lying to make himself look better, like he usually does." I sighed again and looked up at Leigh finally, feeling my eyes tear up as the weight of the situation finally crashed down onto me. He kissed my forehead and took a hand away to rub my back as I leaned into him, my hands trembling.
"It'll be okay, I promise," he finally responds, "It may not seem like it now, baby girl.. but it will be eventually. This situation is only temporary." He took his hand off my back and the warmth that was once there was now vacant. He placed me on his lap again with ease and played with my hair. We sat there in silence for a while comfortably until my voice finally broke it.
"I'm sure you're right, Leigh," I reply, "But.. my dad can be..very frightening a lot of the time. He doesn't know how to control his anger and respect other people's thoughts or opinions. He wants to take my mom to court for custody for me, for some god knows why reason. He's a weird one...he hurts me a lot of the time and yet wants me to live with him? Who the hell does he think he his? Some fucking god who I'll magically forgive after everything he's done to me?" I feel my anger bubbling up to the surface, my words spewing out like venom, my hands shaking. Oh, if only my father was here now and could hear all I was saying about him. He'd be infuriated, but also shocked most likely as I've never really stood up for myself. I feel my anger subside as Leigh puts his hands on mine, wiping the tears I didn't know I had falling down my face away.
"I understand," He replies, "Families can be tough; trust me, I have first hand experience with a shitty family. But hopefully your father comes to your senses and moves far, far away, leaving you two alone in peace. But even if he does decide to still take your mother to court, I'll be with you every step of the way. Even if I'm not here physically, I'll still be with you. I'm only a call or text away if you need me. I won't leave for extended periods of time again like I did before..I'm so sorry I ever did that. I'm just.. what we were..well, are, developing into...it scared me. It still does."
"But..whatever we have, it doesn't matter if we have a label or not. What we have may be complicated and a little bit confusing at times, but as long as we both put in the effort, it should be worth it right?" I nod and smile, looking up at him and kissing him deeply. I knew he was right. I just wanted him to feel my commitment through the kiss, through the strange bond we shared. I knew in this moment, we would be okay. We are okay. I feel the gentle wind breeze past me and his hair brushed against my face, feeling his hand squeeze mine in comfort.
In this moment, we were okay.
AN: I hope this is okay! I'm just a little bit unsatisfied with the ending, but.. I added and changed a lot more to this than what it was two years ago. I changed so much of the dialogue and added a lot more details into it. Feel free to leave feedback! I apologize if some of the paragraph stuff is funny..I tried my best to fix it but I'm sort of bad at that stuff.
I slide my back down the wall, my black leather jacket halfway past my shoulders. I wore a short sleeve gray shirt with a skull on it, leggings, and nice black combat boots. What little of my arms showed revealed many scars and burn marks on it, some new and some old. I feel my hand shaking, aching to hear his smooth, velvety voice. His name was Leigh Daniel Avidan. He typically went by Dan or Danny, though. I had a soft spot for his first name though; it trickled so smoothly off the tip of my tongue. We had met through having the same high school classes together. I had accidentally bumped into him, and it just..came together from there. From then on, we sort of..had a thing going, I'd guess. He'd help me out with whatever problems I had, and I would help him through...other ways. With other needs he had.
I held a lit cigarette in my hand, moving it to my mouth. I inhaled the smoke and exhaled it, loving the burn it gave my lungs. It made me feel alive. Just the littlest bit alive, but it helped. I hadn't talked to him in weeks now, mainly because I was too much of a coward to call him, and he hadn't tried to contact me at all for one reason or another. So much for being there when I needed him. I guess I was just being a bit sensitive though most likely, as usual. I just hated feeling so lonely and hating myself all the time. It was partially my fault though for being a big baby about it.
"Screw it," I mutter, finally deciding to call him as I throw my cigarette on the ground. It was practically a nub by now anyways. I put it out with my boot and pull out my phone, dialing his number as I press the phone to my ear, hearing the other side ring for a few moments before I finally heard a deep, groggy voice but smooth like honey answer.
"Hello?" He mumbles groggily into the receiver. I felt my heart skip a few beats as I heard it, feeling butterflies in my stomach like a little schoolgirl. I bit my lip nervously, feeling like I had bothered him at the wrong time. I debated just hanging up and leaving him to go back to sleep, but it was too late now. The deed was done. I ached for his warm body around me. I couldn't get enough of it.
"Leigh? I need to see you..please," I whimpered into the phone. I hated how I sounded. I sounded so desperate, so needy. Which I mean, I guess technically I was. However, I also wasn't having the best of days and the only person who could ever seem to cheer me up lately was Leigh. I didn't want to admit that to him though; I knew I would just scare him off. He'd think I was being too codependent. I heard him chuckle and breathe a sleepy sigh on the other line, sending a shudder down my spine as I was somewhat familiar with that sound by now.
"You just can't get enough of me now, can you baby girl?" He responded back, his deep, sleepy voice combined with that petname he gave me sending another shudder down my spine, making me gulp. I could practically see him grinning through the phone, knowing he was probably happy I even admitted this much to him. I hardly ever opened up about my feelings unless they were negative. Like I said, he helped me with my needs and I helped him with his. "But yeah, I'll be right over. Where do you want to meet? The usual place?"
I nod and then remember he can't see me so I respond with a quick yes. You see, me and him usually met up at the bridge nearby my house. There was a small forest area under it that had moss and graffiti everywhere, as well as a large rock you could sit on and rid all your troubles away if you wanted, which was what we usually did when we went down there. Whether it was through talking, smoking weed, or other various ways that were.. not the best, we got rid of our troubles. Even it was temporary, it still got rid of the pain for a little while.
"Okay, I'll see you then doll," Leigh responds, snapping me out of my thoughts. I hear the line go dead and sit with my thoughts for a few minutes before finally starting to walk to our usual place under the bridge. I was thankful it wasn't too far from where I was now; probably only a five or ten minute walk depending on your speed. I stuffed my phone in my pocket and continued walking as my thoughts swarmed around my head. I thought about how we usually got high as hell and fooled around, feeling my face heat up. I had romantic feelings for him, but the thought of relationships and labels gave him anxiety. I could understand, I was also the same way.
There was just something about him though that was different. Maybe it was the fact that he was the only man that give me his undivided attention and listened to everything I had to say, no matter how silly it seemed might've seemed to anyone else. Perhaps it was the fact that he's the only man that I've ever been close with. I sigh and feel myself shudder in the cold breeze that passed me by. Soon I was at the bridge and I felt my heartbeat speed up at the thought of seeing him again. I could hear his snorts and giggles and felt myself smile softly, knowing he was either high or looking at the newest stoner post from a friend on Facebook. I slowly walked around the bridge and through the small gap of the trees, seeing Leigh sat on the rock and laughing softly as I saw he was indeed on his phone.
The crunch of the leaves as I walked towards him made Leigh look up and I saw him smile widely. He got up and we met halfway as he pulled me in for a bear hug. He wore a Rush shirt as usual, his favorite band, with black ripped jeans and converse. I blushed and smiled widely as I could smell his cologne. He was about 6 ft, a tall, lanky bean pole basically. I only came up to..about his collar bones. He kissed the top of my head and I felt my face heat up even more, not used to such affection from him when it wasn't..sexual. I tried to push that thought out of my head and hesitantly pulled away from his hug after a few moments. I looked up at him and smiled sheepishly. His dyed cotton candy blue hair slightly in his face as he looked down at me, his septum piercing shining slightly in the moonlight.
"I knew you couldn't get enough of me baby girl," He grinned, ruffling my hair. I felt myself blush again, knowing he was right. I merely nodded though, not wanting to admit it. I was sure that he knew he was right though; he just liked to see me blush and fumble across my words. I desperately wanted to kiss him but I didn't want to seem clingy or needy by making the first move. Luckily, he made the first move. He grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the rock and sat me on his lap, leaning in to kiss me softly at first, and then more rough as the minutes passed, slipping his tongue in my mouth. I feel my breath hitch as I entangle my hand in his large mass of blue curls, feeling his own breath do the same as I tug on his hair just ever so slightly. I pull away hesitantly after a few minutes and knew my whole face was probably as red as a tomato, looking up at him, seeing smile a toothy grin. I sit next to him and take his hands in mine, looking down as I tried to compose my thoughts. I feel a finger pull my chin back up and I smile sheepishly.
"Sorry, Leigh..I'm just..trying to compose my thoughts," I respond, "I'm trying to figure out how to say the right words and not..fuck up," I sigh and he nods in understanding, keeping quiet as he lets me think, which I was grateful for. After a few minutes of staring at his Rush shirt he was wearing I finally speak up, inhaling a deep breath and then exhaling. "I'm having family issues..what a surprise huh?" I knew it wasn't a surprise to him, obviously. I complained about my family issues all the time. It was awful at home. My parents constantly argued and screamed at each other, threw things at each other without caring how I felt when this went on. They insulted each other and would even resort to physically hurting each other if it ever got that bad, which sometimes, it did. Sometimes my father would even hurt me.
"My father is moving away. Thank the Lord.. I never thought the day would come," I continued, taking another deep breath before continuing again, "It's nothing sad, really, considering all he and my mom did to each other and to me. He mentally scarred me and physically hurt me sometimes, especially when he got drunk off his fucking ass and couldn't think properly. He hurt both me and my mom for years, pushing our buttons until we snapped. Mostly my mom.. He says he's a domestic abuse survivor but I know that's a load of shit. It was almost always my dad hurting my mom and making her feel like she didn't matter, like she was just a speck of dirt on this fucking Earth."
"My mom was infuriated when she learned he was saying that to his friends.. lying to make himself look better, like he usually does." I sighed again and looked up at Leigh finally, feeling my eyes tear up as the weight of the situation finally crashed down onto me. He kissed my forehead and took a hand away to rub my back as I leaned into him, my hands trembling.
"It'll be okay, I promise," he finally responds, "It may not seem like it now, baby girl.. but it will be eventually. This situation is only temporary." He took his hand off my back and the warmth that was once there was now vacant. He placed me on his lap again with ease and played with my hair. We sat there in silence for a while comfortably until my voice finally broke it.
"I'm sure you're right, Leigh," I reply, "But.. my dad can be..very frightening a lot of the time. He doesn't know how to control his anger and respect other people's thoughts or opinions. He wants to take my mom to court for custody for me, for some god knows why reason. He's a weird one...he hurts me a lot of the time and yet wants me to live with him? Who the hell does he think he his? Some fucking god who I'll magically forgive after everything he's done to me?" I feel my anger bubbling up to the surface, my words spewing out like venom, my hands shaking. Oh, if only my father was here now and could hear all I was saying about him. He'd be infuriated, but also shocked most likely as I've never really stood up for myself. I feel my anger subside as Leigh puts his hands on mine, wiping the tears I didn't know I had falling down my face away.
"I understand," He replies, "Families can be tough; trust me, I have first hand experience with a shitty family. But hopefully your father comes to your senses and moves far, far away, leaving you two alone in peace. But even if he does decide to still take your mother to court, I'll be with you every step of the way. Even if I'm not here physically, I'll still be with you. I'm only a call or text away if you need me. I won't leave for extended periods of time again like I did before..I'm so sorry I ever did that. I'm just.. what we were..well, are, developing into...it scared me. It still does."
"But..whatever we have, it doesn't matter if we have a label or not. What we have may be complicated and a little bit confusing at times, but as long as we both put in the effort, it should be worth it right?" I nod and smile, looking up at him and kissing him deeply. I knew he was right. I just wanted him to feel my commitment through the kiss, through the strange bond we shared. I knew in this moment, we would be okay. We are okay. I feel the gentle wind breeze past me and his hair brushed against my face, feeling his hand squeeze mine in comfort.
In this moment, we were okay.
AN: I hope this is okay! I'm just a little bit unsatisfied with the ending, but.. I added and changed a lot more to this than what it was two years ago. I changed so much of the dialogue and added a lot more details into it. Feel free to leave feedback! I apologize if some of the paragraph stuff is funny..I tried my best to fix it but I'm sort of bad at that stuff.