Growing up with no Dad is not a life an aspiring pokemon trainer should have to face.
Dad shouldn't be capitalized as it's not a proper name.
building aircraft's and battleships.There were rumours
Make sure to add a space between that period and "There".
a Pokemon more powerful than any other They invaded.
I get that the speaker is telling us that Unova invaded, but invaded what? A little more detail would be nice. Also, I think you're missing a period after "other".
Is this the beginning of a chapter? I ask because there's no space or anything around it. This is what I would do:
[Enter prologue or whatever here]
Chapter 1
[Enter chapter 1 here]
It just helps organize the story and makes it friendlier to look at. Remember to hit that "enter" button
twice though, so there's a space instead of a new line.
Sure, i had a couple badges, and i had a few pokemon, but i was by no means anywhere near a master.
Whenever I is by itself, it gets capitalized. So all of these i's would have to get changed to I.
This right here doesn't stand as a sentence. You have a subject in Matt, but no verb. This would be used as a phrase to start a sentence rather than stand by itself.
He always boased about this fact,
I think you meant boasted here.
"Well, go on then."` Matt said, pointing to the sign,
There is a stray apostrophe right after Matt's dialogue. I would get rid of it.
Matt then walked straight forward through a door, in which the sign was placed next too.
You used the wrong form of to/too/two. Too is used to say something in excess or someone wants to do something also such as, "I want to go too!" or, "There's too much noise!" The form you're looking for is to.
"Umm...Umm..." I hesitated
You're missing a period at the end of this sentence.
This is going to sound blunt, but there isn't really a way to word this differently. There are a lot of mistakes here. No one is expecting a perfect story, and no one can catch all of their mistakes, but be sure to let your chapter sit for a day before you go back and proofread for mistakes. It will help a lot.
Okay, one thing I noticed is that you're not spacing out your story. Whenever you start a new section or line of dialogue, you start a new line. Once again, that means hitting that "enter" button
twice. Since I learn best by example, this section:
"Well, go on then."` Matt said, pointing to the sign, "You said you would do it!" "Umm... Yeah, i will, OK?" I replied back to him, in a shaky voice " Well do it then! Look, i'll go first, then you do it, ok?" Matt then walked straight forward through a door, in which the sign was placed next too.
Would turn into this:
"Well, go on then." Matt said, pointing to the sign, "You said you would do it!"
"Umm... Yeah, I will, OK?" I replied back to him, in a shaky voice.
"Well do it then! Look, I'll go first, then you do it, ok?" Matt then walked straight forward through a door, in which the sign was placed next to.
Okay, as far as the story itself goes, there isn't much to critique because nothing really happens. You set up the plot well, but there's nothing really happens to advance the story.
This may sound a little mean, but before you post your second chapter, I would like you to put more into this chapter. This chapter is just a little too short for my tastes.
If you're concerned about adding more, try adding more description, spacing it out, and if all else fails, add more to the plot. You're not giving us much to go off of as of right now. You're telling us everything rather than showing. here's what I mean:
It was a small pub, with a wooden bar, tables and chairs in, and a couple of people behind a desk in the middle.
You're telling us the setting rather than showing us. Instead of listing off what's in the room, try having the characters interacting with what's where and showing us what's there. It will most likely help with the length as well. A word of warning though, showing v telling is arguably the hardest thing about writing stories, so don't expect it to come easily. I struggle with it every time I write.
You'll notice that everything I mentioned were cosmetic changes. The story so far, although there isn't much, is really good. It flows, it's easily understandable, and it sets us up for a really good story. You're withholding information from us at a very healthy rate. We're not exactly sure why Unova attacked, so we're going to keep on reading to find out. A mistake made by a lot of writers is giving off too much information too early, but I feel like you're managing the information very well.
Overall, not a bad start. I would like this chapter to be a little longer before you post your second chapter since this is a little too short for me. You definitely have the idea here, you just need a little work on the execution. Keep it up and you'll find your writing reaching new levels in no time. :D
