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[Pokémon] Pokémon: Champion of the Shadows

DarkestMidnight

[color=black][b][font=Shadows Into Light]Demon Sla
412
Posts
8
Years
  • Hey everyone, Midnight here! This is the first chapter of a new story I started working on, I wanted to see what kind of feedback I can get. Hope you enjoy! :)

    _____________________________________________________________________________________

    Chapter 1: Cursed Child​

    Somewhere in the Skystreak Mountains of the Orroko Region, a hooded young boy sat with his back against a tree. In his right hand sat a Pokéball containing his favorite Pokémon and lifetime partner. In the right hand was a completed Pokédex. His name is Noah Nightshade, eighteen-year-old boy and champion of the Orroko Region. He had black hair, dark eyes, and dark clothes. The only spot of color on his body was a silver streak in his hair. Even in his young age, he had managed to travel to every region and beat every champion from each one. Trainers worldwide considered him to be the world's best Pokémon trainer and went crazy over him in the media. Noah never paid attention to his fans, he was more interested in being alone.

    Ever since Noah was little, he had constant nightmares of his family on the night they all died. Once night when he was six years old, his house burned down killing everyone he knew. Since that day, he traveled alone, only ever able to befriend Pokémon. There are some rumors that say he was the cause of his family's death, although Noah firmly denies this whenever the subject comes up. Since he can't seem to connect to people, his bond with his Pokémon is extremely powerful. Some say that's the reason why he's so successful.

    Noah lifted his head slightly, waking from a short nap. He weakly tossed his Pokéball forward and out came a shiny Gengar, his trusted partner. This Gengar in particular once belonged to Noah's father, so he held it dear to his heart. Since Noah also had the ability to speak to ghosts and Gengar was constantly at his side, ghost-types had become his favorite.

    Noah's lips curled into a slight smile as he sat up slowly and stared at Gengar. "Hey Iota, I think he'll be here soon. Can't you feel it?"

    Iota, his Gengar, grinned at Noah and snickered softly. It poked at the ground with its feet, extremely anxious and impatient.

    "Sorry pal," Noah chuckled quietly,"I know you don't like to sit around and wait like this. He'll be here soon, I promise. Once we see what he wanted to show us, we'll go home and relax." Noah stood and stretched, yawning out of tiredness and boredom.

    Twenty feet in front of them, the bushes rustled and a tall man stepped through. He wore a black leather jacket, black sunglasses and faded jeans. He had a smile as if he knew more than he let on. In his hands was a large briefcase. Inside, presumably, were Pokéballs.

    "Stan, what took so long?" Noah paced forward impatiently. Despite being in a hurry, he stayed calm and polite, waiting to see what Stan brought him.

    "Take a look for yourself," said Stan. When he opened the briefcase, a single Pokéball tumbled forward and stopped at Noah's feet. It was a genuine Master Ball.

    "Why do you have a Pokémon here in a Master Ball?" Noah picked it up suspiciously and stopped to think. His eyes widened and he quickly threw the ball back at Stan, a look of horror on his face. "H-how dare you bring such a horrid thing to me?! You know I can't be anything near that without terrible things happening to me!"

    Stan's smile had taken on a darker shade and become an evil mask of cruel amusement. "Precisely, Noah. By bringing Giratina before you, I've already completed my task. I'm afraid I'm not actually the friend you call Stan."

    Noah gritted his teeth and glared at Stan and balled his fists. "If you're not Stan, then who are you? You have something to do with my curse, don't you?!"

    Iota snickered nervously, a frown appearing on his face. He melted into a puddle of shadows, hiding in terror, as if he could sense an oncoming catastrophe. The sky above them turned pitch black and the a hollow voice resonated from all around Noah.

    "Noah. I don't have time for introductions or pointless conversation, it is time for your death. You shall finally be free of your curse, but at the cost of your life."

    Noah backed up against the tree, searching the skies for the source of the voice. "Show yourself, you coward!" When he looked to Stan for the meaning of the situation, he found a blank space where he was once standing. From the empty space, a being of darkness emerged grinning humorously at him. Noah's eyes widened once again in terror. "D-Darkrai?!"

    "Yes, stupid boy, I am Darkrai. I, along with Giratina, am the cause of your misery. Now, I have special orders to kill you. Be grateful, Noah, your days of suffering are over now. Give up and fall into eternal sleep."

    Noah's eyelids grew heavy and he slumped against the tree slightly. "No...I...I won't die like this. I'll beat you and escape from here!" Even as he spoke, he knew his words held no meaning. Darkrai could absorb his body into shadow and easily kill him. This was the end.

    Suddenly in the skies above, Giratina flew overhead. His terrible roar filled the skies and every tree around Noah, besides the one he sat against, melted into shadows.

    Darkrai grinned approvingly towards Giratina. "Good, that's the signal. Prepare yourself for endless sleep!"

    The world around Noah seemed to implode on him, his mind and body slowly fading. In his last few moments of consciousness, he caught a glimpse of something bright approaching from the distance. He closed his eyes and his mind went completely blank. The world around him faded into nothingness. The last thing he heard was a painful ringing in his ears, and when that too faded out, he met his end. Noah Nightshade ceased to exist.

    ____________________________________________________________________________________

    Hey everyone! I know that was a cliffhanger and everything, it kinda created more questions than answers. Sorry, but not really, because Chapter 1 needed to end this way in order for Chapter 2 to make sense.

    I'll have Chapter 2 up soon, hope you enjoyed this! Please leave me some feedback, I'm anxious to see what you think.

    Thanks Again,
    Midnight
     
    1,863
    Posts
    12
    Years
  • Hello to you and Zeref in your signature! lol I used to love Fairy Tail. But uh anyway, here are some thoughts I had on your story here:

    Somewhere in the Skystreak Mountains of the Orroko Region, a hooded young boy sat with his back against a tree. In his right hand sat a Pokéball containing his favorite Pokémon and lifetime partner. In the right hand was a completed Pokédex. His name is Noah Nightshade, eighteen-year-old boy and champion of the Orroko Region. He had black hair, dark eyes, and dark clothes. The only spot of color on his body was a silver streak in his hair. Even in his young age, he had managed to travel to every region and beat every champion from each one. Trainers worldwide considered him to be the world's best Pokémon trainer and went crazy over him in the media. Noah never paid attention to his fans, he was more interested in being alone.

    Warning: you switched to present tense really briefly there in the last sentence. Also, I think that you could've conveyed his identity with dialogue/thought/action or something rather than straightforwardly telling us, the readers. Also, considering Ash, eighteen is not that young at all.

    Ever since Noah was little, he had constant nightmares of his family on the night they all died. Once night when he was six years old, his house burned down killing everyone he knew. Since that day, he traveled alone, only ever able to befriend Pokémon. There are some rumors that say he was the cause of his family's death, although Noah firmly denies this whenever the subject comes up. Since he can't seem to connect to people, his bond with his Pokémon is extremely powerful. Some say that's the reason why he's so successful.

    Similar problem here. It's too easy to just tell us this information right off the bat.

    Noah backed up against the tree, searching the skies for the source of the voice. "Show yourself, you coward!" When he looked to Stan for the meaning of the situation, he found a blank space where he was once standing. From the empty space, a being of darkness emerged grinning humorously at him. Noah's eyes widened once again in terror. "D-Darkrai?!"

    Hm... I'm curious to know how Noah has relations like this with Legendary Pokemon

    Darkrai grinned approvingly towards Giratina. "Good, that's the signal. Prepare yourself for endless sleep!"

    But Darkrai doesn't have a mouth?
     

    DarkestMidnight

    [color=black][b][font=Shadows Into Light]Demon Sla
    412
    Posts
    8
    Years
  • Hello to you and Zeref in your signature! lol I used to love Fairy Tail. But uh anyway, here are some thoughts I had on your story here:



    Warning: you switched to present tense really briefly there in the last sentence. Also, I think that you could've conveyed his identity with dialogue/thought/action or something rather than straightforwardly telling us, the readers. Also, considering Ash, eighteen is not that young at all.



    Similar problem here. It's too easy to just tell us this information right off the bat.



    Hm... I'm curious to know how Noah has relations like this with Legendary Pokemon



    But Darkrai doesn't have a mouth?

    Ah, I see what you mean. Thanks for taking the time to help me out! Although, I will say you're not supposed to know Noah's relationship with Darkrai or Giratina yet, but that will be revealed soon. Chapter 2 will be up soon, so keep a lookout for that :)

    -Midnight
     

    DarkestMidnight

    [color=black][b][font=Shadows Into Light]Demon Sla
    412
    Posts
    8
    Years
  • Hey guys, sorry for the long wait. After all this time, I finally bring you chapter 2. Hope you enjoy!

    _____________________________________________________________________________________
    Chapter 2: Apprentice of Darkness​

    Somehow Noah was still alive. Every inch of his body was covered in pain, but he was certainly still alive. He opened his eyes to find himself staring up at a clear afternoon sky. About twenty feet away from him stood a small, scrawny young boy who curiously observed Noah.

    "Where's Iota?!" Noah frantically checked his pockets and found Iota's Pokéball. His beloved partner had somehow returned to it, possibly when Nate was unconscious. This brought up another question in his mind; how long had he been out for? Where did Darkrai and Giratina go?

    With much difficulty, he rose to his feet and limped over to the young boy, who stepped back cautiously, his face turning from an expression of curiosity to a mask of horror. The boy was clearly afraid of Noah.

    "Hey kid, don't worry," Noah said reassuringly, "I don't want to hurt you." He put his right hand on the boy's shoulder weakly, causing him to flinch. "As a matter of fact, I need your help."

    The boy lowered his head momentarily, his mop of brown hair covering his stormy eyes. "Well, I guess I could try to help you. Do you need to go to a hospital?"

    Noah considered this and decided there was no other choice. "Yeah sure, but that's not the only thing. I have some questions for you. Were you around here when the sky turned black in the middle of the day?"

    The boy's eyes widened, as if remembering something horrifying. "Yes, I did see that," he whispered. "You know that was almost two months ago, right? You talk about it as if it were something recent that happened."

    Noah felt like he was going to pass out. How had two months gone by? That seemed impossible, but it did explain why he felt so weak and hungry. "I see..." Before the boy could ask him any questions, he patted him on the shoulder and stood up straight. "Alright, well I'd really appreciate it if you could help me find a hospital, if you don't mind."

    "Yeah definitely, you're in no shape to go walking off on your own," he replied. Slowly but surely, the boy dragged Nate along through the forest.

    -//-

    After nearly an hour of trudging through bushes and undergrowth, Noah arrived at the hospital in Gemdawn Town, his home town. After more hours of sleeping and receiving medical care, Nate and the boy that helped him earlier sat alone in his hospital room.

    Noah sat up carefully and nodded at his rescuer. "Hey, I really owe you one for helping me out. I'm Noah, by the way. What's your name?"

    "Oh, silly me!" the boy scolded himself. "I forgot to introduce myself earlier. I'm Tristan Fernandez, a boring old school-kid and wannabe trainer." He brought out a Pokéball of his own and opened it. On the floor in front of him, a small Riolu appeared. It wandered around the room aimlessly, clearly bored from being trapped in it's Pokéball.

    Noah smiled, remembering his early trainer years when his Pokémon were still young. "Hey, trust me, Tristan, you'll go a long way as a trainer. I can feel your energy and motivation, you're a lot like me. I'm guessing you had some falling out with your family and maybe ran away from home? You can also relate to Pokémon more than humans. Am I right?"

    Tristan's eyes widened in surprise, then he looked down at the floor again, frowning deeply. "Yeah, you're right. Did you have something like that happen to you."

    "I did. My family died in a fire one night, and I've lived with my Pokémon since then." Suddenly, a strange idea popped into Noah's head. "Do you know who I am, Tristan?"

    "You look familiar to me for some reason, yeah," Tristan replied suspiciously. "Why do you care?"

    "Well, I'm Noah Nightshade, champion of the Orroko Region. I wanted to see if you wanted to become my apprentice, Tristan. I can teach you how to battle and build strong bonds with each of your Pokémon."

    "You're THE Noah?!" Tristan looked like he might pass out from a brain overload. "I've always wanted to meet you, and I'm grateful you're offering that, but why me?"

    "I see something in you that you probably can't. I've learned to read people and their character over the years, and I'll admit I'm impressed by who you'll become. You have a strong heart, Tristan, so with proper training, you'll easily be able to surpass even me."

    "Alright, if you're really serious, I'll do it!" Tristan jumped up from his seat and smiled hugely. "When do we start, Noah?"

    Noah stood and stretched, already feeling better. "How about right now. You'll need some more Pokémon before we start training. Come on, I'll teach you how to catch them, it's not too hard."

    Tristan ran after Noah as they bolted out of the hospital and into the forest, laughing the whole way.

    Truthfully, Noah saw more in Tristan than he let on. Something about him was different, unnatural even. He didn't take their meeting as some sort of coincidence, something strange was going on here. Tristan was destined to play a bigger role than Noah, but he couldn't figure out what it was quite yet. The boy was also the key to ridding Noah of the curse.

    ____________________________________________________________________________________

    I hope you guys enjoyed Chapter 2! Keep a look out for Chapter 3, I'll have it up soon.

    Thanks,
    Midnight
     

    DarkestMidnight

    [color=black][b][font=Shadows Into Light]Demon Sla
    412
    Posts
    8
    Years
  • Hey everyone, I have an announcement regarding this series. My storyline I had written out didn't really appeal to me much after a couple weeks of writing, so I'm dropping this series. Sorry about that, but I am currently writing a new original series and I promise to have it up soon. Thanks for your understanding, I'm sorry about this.

    -Midnight
     
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