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[Pokémon] Anima Ex Machina: Redux [R]

JX Valentine

Your aquatic overlord
3,277
Posts
20
Years
  • Referring to me breaking my own personal promise to not post until I'd finished my work. Which is why I haven't been around as much as of late; only replying to VMs and such.

    *pats* Good luck with that, dear.


    Oh yes. I'm surprised this doesn't happen in canon. (Oh, like the anime never tried.)

    While the overall pace and dialogue was handled quite well, I'm apprehensive when it comes to the levels of respect the two have for each other. I'm sure a Rocket Scientist wouldn't dare oppose an officer, no less an elite one, but here we see Nettle, who may be a senior scientist, openly attacking 009. Granted, Nettle reall could be that *****y as to forget her place.

    Also, given the fact that Nettle was being a bit out of place, I'm not sure why 009 would want to prove herself to a scientist instead of just reprimanding her there and then. Unless it's an egotistical kind of thing. As far as I know about military politics, the lower you are down in the chain of command, the less you're to know and the less the officer's will tell you. A scientist, is usually quite far down there. Seeing as it is relevant to Nettle's work, I'm wondering why she wasn't informed of this beforehand though. She's quite big-headed so I assumed that she'd be at least a notch above other Rocket Scientists, instead of just being a regular one in an incognito and high position.

    You actually have a very good point here, and part of the problem is I haven't entirely worked out where Nettle stands. Originally, I had Domino and Nettle be sort of equals: Domino took care of Team Rocket's movements within the complex, whereas Nettle maintained the front, oversaw Team Rocket's scientific operations, and controlled intel. As in, ordinarily, she's the head of the Rocket science division, with scientists like Namba answering to her in the same way agents like Butch and Cassidy would answer to Domino. So, it's sort of like they had the same rank but in completely different departments (which is why I thought there might be an informational divide), so they're forced to work on the same level because their operations intertwine. (To be more specific, they're actually working on two different missions. Nettle's mission, which isn't named, is to run a team that's stealing information from Project Stardust. Domino's mission, Operation Polaris, is to lead a team to steal actual subjects.) Hence, yeah, they're actually not really subordinate and officer but rather officers of equivalent ranks.

    On the other hand, it is weird that Nettle wasn't told about Domino's mission. I really can't think of any way that would happen except if there was a communication breakdown between Giovanni and Nettle (which actually isn't that out-of-the-question for her character).

    Despite it being explicity stated that the subject had pale-coloured hair, I can't stop imagining her with pinkish hair. Probably because of Elfen Lied and how much this scene reminds me of the Diclonius. The reference to horns didn't make it much easier to not remember Elfen Lied.

    I'm not actually sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. XD XP-494B is partially based on the Diclonius (with Xenomorph elements thrown in), so it's actually easier for me if you automatically think of them (as in, I don't have to clarify that the horns aren't demon horns). On the other hand, I really hope you don't think every infected character looks like Lucy 'cause that'd be awkward, what with the main character being male and all.

    I love it when fics try to integrate our world with the Pokemon world realistically. I've bee doing this a lot with my fic.

    Thank you. (And this reminds me that I need to go and actually comment on your fic.)

    In order to not spoil it for new readers, I won't mention it, but I hope that that one thing that happens happens to Oak like in the previous version. I may, or may not be making much sense here...

    You are, but unfortunately, I'm going to have to say I've yet to find a way to work it in. ;_; Maybe, but if not, I'm hoping the other things I've got planned will make up for it.

    All in all, great chapter; I will be looking forward to more.

    Thanks!

    EDIT: You seriously just ninja'd me with a new chapter while I was typing up my review... Shame on you, Jax. XD

    I'm just that talented. XD
     
    Last edited:

    Ruin Maniac

    Booshka
    161
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    13
    Years
  • Very good chapter, especially the part about Bill, and his "dream".

    Something I'd like to point out

    The last sensation he had before he completely blacked out was the feeling of something biting him hard

    I think the last line of the paragraph should always be the most powerful, and for me, it wasn't. What I was thinking of was

    "The last sensation he had before he completely blacked out was the feeling of something biting him... hard"

    I dont know if you think it makes any difference but to me it feels more powerful than before, like the Janitor had a real problem going on for him. The way you wrote it, the language sounded like he'd been bit by a rat or a snake, not a space travelling mutant! XD

    I'm not critisizing the way you write, as you do a much better job than me, but i think that sounds a lot better

    p.s: Can't wait to see what happens to good ol' bill
     

    JX Valentine

    Your aquatic overlord
    3,277
    Posts
    20
    Years
  • Thanks. I'll think about it.

    The ellipsis right there feels like it'd indicate how hard the thing was biting. As in, it's saying, "No, really, this thing was biting hard." (Ellipsis between two words of a sentence usually emphasize whatever comes after it. While the alien's pretty terrifying, we're not really talking about taking a bear trap to the chest, so "hard" probably isn't the best word to emphasize.) You have an interesting point about emphasis, though, but I'll have to think about how to do it.
     

    JX Valentine

    Your aquatic overlord
    3,277
    Posts
    20
    Years
  • Y halo thar, new chapter.


    Anima Ex Machina: Five
    Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams.


    When the dream receded and Bill felt his body for the first time in days, he awoke with a start. Immediately after that, he shut his eyes and groaned. Although he wasn't the kind of person who had a particular appreciation for alcohol, he imagined that this was exactly what a hangover was like: waking up to nothing but blinding whiteness that only fed a pounding headache. He twisted where he lay and tried to swallow to keep himself from throwing up, and right about then, he realized something was wrong. For one, he couldn't actually move his arms or legs. For another, his chest was pinned to what felt like a mattress, too.

    And for a third, a pair of voices floated into his ears, and what they were saying didn't exactly comfort him.

    "Professor, it's awake."

    "He, Sienna. He's a male."

    Much to his relief, one of those voices was Professor Oak. The other sounded strangely familiar to him, but he couldn't place where he might have heard it. Slowly, he opened his eyes into a squint and tried to look for the source of the sounds. His vision slowly resolved, allowing his world to transform from an amorphous, white blob to the edge of a bed and a metal rail. Several feet beyond the rail was a white wall, but other than that, there were no signs of people yet. Another groan rumbled in his throat as he pressed his eyes closed tightly and turned over. Blinking, he opened his eyes wider this time and found himself staring at another white wall, but in this one, he could see a window.

    Beyond that window stood Professor Oak, staring at him with concern. On the left side of the researcher sat a blonde intern who moved her head back and forth to read something below the window. As soon as he glanced at her, it occurred to Bill that this girl looked familiar too, but no matter how hard he tried to focus, he couldn't remember where he met her. It wasn't just the memory of her that he couldn't quite grasp, either: all of his thoughts seemed hazy. Resting his head back, he stared at the ceiling and tried to think through his headache to what happened before he passed out. It felt to him like a safe place to start, and anyway, he had a nagging feeling this girl had something to do with the events leading up to that point.

    "Sir, this isn't like the other times," the girl – Sienna – told Oak. "It, er, he's not reacting violently."

    Oak nodded. "Yes. I wonder…" Clearing his throat, he rolled himself onto the balls of his feet. "Bill? I don't suppose you can hear us, can you?"

    Bill blinked in confusion and looked back to his superior. "I can hear you just fine, Professor."

    Immediately, Sienna looked up, and Oak raised his eyebrows. Bill shifted uncomfortably as his insides started to twist with worry. He couldn't imagine why he was there, why he was feeling so confined, and most of all, why Professor Oak was on the other side of that pane of glass. Gradually, his head began to clear. The pain was still wrenching his insides, but at least he was starting to think straight enough to realize there was something very, very wrong about all of this.

    "What's going on?" he asked quietly.

    Oak stared at him in response to his question. Then, after a long pause, he turned to Sienna.

    "Unlock the cuffs," he said.

    Sienna gave him a wide-eyed glance. "But sir—!"

    "Please."

    Frowning, she turned back to the console in front of her and tapped a few keys. Then, she withdrew her hands as if every button in front of her was wired to give her electric shocks. She stared downward, but Oak looked through the window to study Bill.

    As soon as Sienna was done typing, Bill felt something slide away from his arms, legs, and chest, and right then, the feeling of being pinned down disappeared. His arms fell onto the bed with a pair of thumps, and he arched his back to take pleasure in his sudden freedom.

    "Wait, Bill, there's something you should know before you get up," Oak said. "If you're conscious, that is."

    With more effort than he expected, Bill forced himself to sit up. "Conscious? Of course I am."

    "Well, it's not that easy to tell," Oak replied. "We're hoping you're still the same person in mindset, but—wait! Don't!"

    Before he could continue, Bill brought his hands up to rub his wrists. He couldn't imagine why this would be such a bad idea until one hand actually touched the other. As soon as he did, he heard a clack and felt something that couldn't have been right.

    Looking down sharply, he examined his fingers. Somehow, while he was asleep, his skin had turned into metal plates, overlapping each other at the joints like the limbs of a suit of armor. His fingertips were no longer the round, fleshy things he remembered. They were now sharp, curved claws. Turning one of his hands over, he found the round hemisphere of a garnet embedded in his palm. In it, he caught sight of his reflection: a gaunt face, fangs just visible in his open mouth, short, bristly hair, and horns – a pair of rounded horns shaped like cat ears on either side of his skull.

    Now, Bill had always felt that he was a decently rational person. He would get excited about a success or a recent discovery or a new pokémon in the index, but he wasn't the kind of person to be jumping and shouting over it. Likewise, although he had seen quite a lot of things that would have shocked a normal person – such as, for example, the complete destruction of his lighthouse's beacon by a giant pokémon – he wasn't the kind of person to experience a total meltdown.

    Of course, waking up to discover that his hands were made of metal was an unusual circumstance, and as such, it deserved an unusual response. With a cry, Bill jolted backwards, scrambling in an effort to get away from his own hand. In doing so, he could feel his feet and torso dig into the mattress and the foam stuffing flowing out against his metal skin. Looking down, he caught another glimpse of something that caused his voice to catch in his throat. His entire torso was made of overlapping plates of metal, and beyond that, his feet no longer looked remotely human. Inhaling shakily, Bill extended one of his legs and examined it carefully. It looked somewhat normal, although the calf stopped a few inches shorter. Right after where it ended, another joint led into a broad, reptilian foot. Swallowing, he tried to move his toes, only to see the three claws on the appendage flex.

    It was at that point that he realized Oak was talking to him.

    "—to stay calm," Oak said.

    "W-what?" Bill croaked, suddenly finding his throat very dry.

    "I understand all of this is startling," Oak continued. "We weren't exactly expecting any of this."

    It was, of course, a half-truth. Oak did his best not to betray what he was thinking at that moment. It had been roughly two weeks since Bill had been brought to the operating room in an attempt to detach the parasite from his body, but when he cut off the hand of the surgeon – with what, even Oak didn't know by then – it was decided that there would be no further attempts. Oak knew it was too dangerous; Bill, of all people, attacked without much provocation. The elder researcher didn't want to think Bill was completely lost the way Pandora had been, but all he could do for the past two weeks was stand by and watch carefully behind a thick window.

    There were, of course, two things that made this moment not exactly what Oak was expecting. First, the files the Committee gave him stated that Pandora was an ice-type, but as far as he could tell, Bill was a steel-type. Meanwhile, the other XP-650B, the one that had been created (as far as he knew) when a curious janitor interfered with the transfer of a test specimen, was an electric-type. None of it made sense. If XP-650B was an alternate form, did it somehow have alternate forms itself?

    Aside from that, Oak didn't entirely expect to be speaking to Bill instead of a thrashing, screaming, extremely angry beast. He had hoped he would, of course, but he didn't really consider it a serious possibility. Yet, there he was, standing on the other side of the window to a room containing what appeared to be a responsive, albeit panicking, human.

    "Bill?" Oak asked.

    Unfortunately, his subordinate was a bit busy exploring more of his new form. Squirming, Bill realized he was sitting on something, and with that, he reached behind him.

    "What is this?" he rasped.

    Grabbing it, he froze. A cold, electric sensation ran up his spine and made him grimace. Whatever it was, it was definitely part of him. Carefully, he lifted himself and pulled the object out from underneath his body to let it rest beside him. His fingers ran along the length as far as he could follow it without bending over. Claws clacked along segment after segment along the thick, reptilian appendage, stopping a couple feet short of the sharp arrowhead at its tip. Closing his mouth, Bill experimentally focused on moving it, and on command, the arrowhead rose and fell in time with the tune his mind was playing to keep him from screaming until his lungs exploded.

    "I... I have a tail," he murmured.

    "Bill, can you hear me?" Oak asked.

    He shut his eyes tightly and breathed deeply. His hands reached up to grasp the sides of his head, lacing through the stiff, wire hair on his scalp. Clenching his teeth, he swallowed and tried desperately to sort through his racing thoughts.

    This can't be happening, he thought.

    At that point, his mind felt like it stopped. He wrapped his arms around himself and curled himself so that his forehead rested on his knees. With a whimper, he shut his eyes and tried his best to ignore what he was feeling. It wasn't real to him. His skin wasn't metal. His fingers weren't claws. That wasn't a tail trying to wrap itself around his ankles. It was all just a mistake. He was still asleep. A thousand different things ran through his mind, but the longer he went, the more he realized that the plate he was feeling against his forehead wasn't going away.

    Something warm hit his leg. Opening his eyes, he looked down to see a droplet of water run across his armor. Another one fell from his face, and he realized what he was doing.

    It was strange to him. He felt detached from himself. On the one hand, he could feel himself shaking, and he could feel the tears run across his skin and hit his armor. On the other, he couldn't explain why he was doing it or why he could feel the tears running along the metal of his leg. All of these things were foreign to him. They weren't his emotions or sensations, but he felt them. He wanted to say he was scared, but at the same time, he wasn't so much scared as...

    Confused. He felt confused. Very, very confused. Lost? Worried, of course, and why wouldn't he be? Mostly, numb. It was like his entire body was doing whatever it liked. Somehow, it didn't scream or thrash. It simply sat there, unable to do anything but shiver. His mind, meanwhile... for the first time in his life, Bill realized he couldn't think straight. He just couldn't force himself to grasp any particular thought.

    Oak stood silently. Asking anything else seemed inappropriate, and he wasn't sure if Bill was already gone.

    "Sir?" Sienna asked.

    "Give him a moment," he replied as he looked at her. "In the meantime, go get him something to eat. It's been awhile."

    "Yes, sir," she answered, and with that, she stood and started for the lab door.

    Turning back to the window, Oak was just in time to see the victim lift his head. Bill's thoughts were still stumbling across each other in a mess, and he was barely aware that he had moved himself.

    "Professor, I…" Bill's voice trailed off. He wasn't even sure what he was supposed to say. His mind was filled with beginnings of sentences and ends of others, but he couldn't for the life of him bridge one broken thought to another to form something coherent.

    "You have a lot of questions," Oak said casually. "I would too if I were you. I'll do my best to answer all the ones I can, but Bill, you've got to promise me one thing."

    Bill gave him an uneasy glance. "What?"

    "No matter what you do, you've got to control yourself. Okay?"

    Although Bill certainly didn't like the sound of the request – because there had to be a reason why it needed to be said – he nodded slowly. "Okay."

    Oak stood a little straighter. "Well, let's see. Which one should we answer first? Ah. I guess we should try tackling the question of what happened, shouldn't we?"

    Bill could only nod. His mouth was slightly open, but he found he couldn't speak.

    "Right. Well, after you were brought to the medical wing two weeks ago—"

    Bill jumped. His thoughts narrowed down to that one point, and he felt like he was abruptly being jerked closer to reality. Both of his hands clattered onto the rail on the side of his bed and gripped it with the same amount of tension that would have, if he still had human hands, turned his knuckles bone-white. He gave Oak a startled expression as he stared through the window.

    "Two weeks?" he gasped. "I was inactive for two weeks?"

    Oak, who had frozen at the suddenness of Bill's reaction, relaxed into a smile. This was definitely the Bill he remembered.

    "I'm afraid so," he said. Then, he raised a hand and waved it in the air. "But don't worry about that. It'd be completely unreasonable for any of us to refuse forgiving you for not working with the psychology team for that long. Besides, you're still making a valuable contribution to the project, even if it's not exactly in the way any of us would have wanted."

    "Contribution?" Bill whispered.

    "Yes," Oak replied. "After you were brought to the medical wing, XP-650A began altering your body. It's a process the Committee has only one record of; they were hoping to use your transformation to fill in any gaps in data."

    Right about then, several more questions finally crawled their way out of Bill's mental train-wreck. He shook his head, trying to clear his mind enough to grasp at least one of them, but only three words came out of his mouth.

    "I don't understand."

    Oak shrugged. "Honestly, Bill, I don't expect you to after hearing only that much. We don't fully understand it either, but let me try to explain it this way. XP-650A, what we were studying before your accident, is actually a predator only to pokémon. We're coming up with theories as to why it treats us differently, but we know that when it comes in contact with a human, it becomes a parasite. It latches onto the human host and transforms it into… well, something like you."

    Inhaling shakily, Bill slowly slipped his hands from the rail and raised them to examine them carefully. Gradually, something was beginning to click in his head.

    "Do you…" He swallowed in an effort to find his voice. "Do you mean to say… to say that I… I'm…"

    "That you're not fully human anymore?" Oak replied. It was obvious, but he felt laying the facts in front of his colleague might help him climb back to sanity. "Yes. Currently, the Committee is calling pokémon like you XP-650B, the second form of the pokémon species XP-650. They say it's because the parasite is still technically unchanged, but the designation's still up for debate."

    Bill shook his head and went back to holding it in both hands. "I'm a pokémon…?"

    Oak nodded. "Yes. No one's sure how it happens. That's what we hope you'll help us find out."

    Taking another shaky breath, Bill looked down, intending on gazing at his lap. That's when he caught sight of the other occupant of his body, the small glint of red right over his heart. Carefully, he brought a hand over it and touched it with a fingertip. It came as a surprise to him that he was able to feel his claw on it, as if it was just another part of his body.

    "Is this…" He looked at Oak. "Is this it?"

    Oak leaned towards the window to see what Bill was talking about. "Oh! Yes, that's the parasite."

    Frowning, Bill turned back to it and tried to dig his claws into his metal skin around it. At once, Oak darted towards the door to the other room.

    "Bill, don't!"

    Skidding to a halt in front of the door, Oak whipped out his ID. Quickly, he swiped it and pressed a thumb against the pad to force the lock to open. When it clicked, he threw open the door and dashed inside.

    At the same time, Bill was finding out why what he just did was a bad idea. Suddenly, he felt like something under the skin all over his body constrict, but the feeling was especially strong in his chest. He tried to scream but could only manage a loud croak; something gripped his lungs to make it difficult to breathe. His vision went blurry as he pressed his forehead against the mattress. In his head, he heard his own voice hiss.

    You will not.

    Before he could make sense of the message, he felt a pair of hands force him to unfold himself. The feeling of all his organs being clenched subsided, and he let himself be coaxed into lying flat on his back. He was still panting. The pain had only diminished from blinding to dull but still irritating.

    "Bill, are you all right?!" Oak asked.

    Eventually, Bill's vision returned, and he stared at Oak's face. The elder was standing over him. His large hands held Bill down, and his face was full of worry. When the question finally registered in Bill's mind, the patient nodded.

    Oak sighed and pulled his hands away. "I know this is all overwhelming for you. I can't really blame you if you feel like you don't want any part of this. However, until we figure out just what happened, please don't try to remove it yourself. It's hard to say what it'll do to you."

    Releasing him, Oak backed away. Blinking, Bill slowly sat up and stared at his superior. Eventually, after a long while, he began to feel his thoughts settle down a little. He realized then that he was going to have to deal with his situation somehow.

    "I'm sorry, Professor," Bill said quietly. "I don't know what to do."

    Oak nodded. "I'd be worried if you didn't panic. I'm glad to hear you're calming down."

    "Of course I would. However it happened... it feels like it might not be that easy to undo. I just have to accept that for now."

    At that, Oak relaxed. Bill was sounding more and more like his usual self, and for that, Oak was grateful. After all, it not only meant that Bill wasn't about to rip him limb from limb, but it also meant he might be a little more willing to help after all.

    "No, it might not be," Oak replied, "but everyone here will do everything they can to figure out what happened and how to reverse it. In the meantime, will you let us study you?"

    Bill shrugged. "I don't have much of a choice."

    "Of course you do. You know how the ethical codes work these days. If you said you'd be uncomfortable with it, we wouldn't be able to conduct anything on you, not even an interrogation. You'll always have a say, Bill."

    Turning his head, Bill eyed Oak carefully. "No, I really don't, and it has nothing to do with what the ethical codes state. Professor, as a researcher, it's my duty to do everything in my power to help this project. While I don't know if you'll let me resume my place on the staff, I can't say no to allowing you to get as much information as possible from me."

    Oak grinned. "You're really starting to sound like your old self now."

    Bill shook his head. "Actually… I'm simply talking because I feel like my sanity is very close to being compromised."

    "Compromised? Bill, you don't mean…"

    He looked at his elder from out of the corner of his eye. "Professor... I thought I had a dream while I was unconscious. Could you tell me if I happened across a surgeon in the past two weeks?"

    Oak didn't know what to say. He only clenched his jaw shut and stared at Bill with a blank expression. Noticing the silence, Bill looked up and studied the professor's face. When Bill spoke next, his voice was barely audible.

    "I cut off his hand, didn't I?"

    "You didn't mean to," Oak answered quickly. "It was a defense mechanism. He was trying to separate the parasite from you. We should've known it'd try anything to keep you two together."

    That didn't seem to be what Bill was hoping he would say. Instead, Bill pulled both knees to his chest and buried his face in them again.

    "Oh no."

    "I'm sorry, Bill," Oak said. "You've got to listen to me when I say it wa—"

    Before he could finish, he was interrupted by a loud bang. Oak looked up, glancing over his shoulder at the door. Sienna slammed the one to the hallway open and rushed forward until she stood behind her chair. Her face, which was pale on its own, took on the hue of a sheet of paper.

    "What happened?" Oak asked.

    Sienna motioned behind her. Curiously, Oak moved to the door and looked across the lab. All of the interns and scientists that were lined up at the computers paused to watch people storming down the hall. One of them stopped, clinging to both sides of the doorway.

    "Professor Oak, sir!" the scientist screamed. "It's Abel!"

    Oak headed for the door. "What about Abel?"

    The scientist looked over his shoulder as he stumbled into the lab. "He knows Discharge, sir!"

    "Discharge?"

    Nodding, he continued, "He short-circuited the cuff system, and now he's attacking the door with Thunder! He's more powerful than we thought he'd be! The security system can't handle him much longer!"

    "What?!"

    Rushing towards the door, Oak could see a flash of light. The sound of thunder reverberated off the walls of the hallway, and the smell of fire grew more intense. Glancing outside, he could see scientists streaming out of the lab down the hall; the door lay in a twisted mess beneath their scrambling feet. Light bounced off the walls, and the sound of screaming echoed through the open doorway. Without hesitation, Oak moved back into the room and darted to a corner. There, on the wall, a phone hung. He quickly removed the receiver and pressed a key, and he only had to wait a couple of seconds before someone answered.

    "Officer Jenny, sound the alarm," he ordered. "Abel's trying to escape from Laboratory V."

    Before she could reply, he placed the receiver back into its carriage and scrambled to close the door to the hallway. All of the scientists backed away from the computers and into the middle of the room.

    "Stay calm, everyone!" he ordered as he made his way to the other door. "Abel might be breaking out, but security will be here to subdue him soon. Get ready in case he tries to break down the door. Professor Rosewood, I know you have a bellossom with you. We'll need its Sleep Powder. Professors Maple, Apple, and Cedar, unlock the cabinets and distribute tranquilizer guns to everyone who can aim. Don't shoot until it's clear Sleep Powder won't have any effect!"

    With that, he approached the other doorway and leaned inside to look at Bill. Staring back in fear, Bill sat straight with his claws digging into the mattress.

    "What is it?" he asked.

    Frowning, Oak hesitated in sharing what he knew, but eventually, he gave in. "Bill, you're not the only person who was infected two weeks ago. Shortly after you were brought to the medical wing, a janitor got into the holding lab while a few interns were preparing another XP-650A for observations. It attached to him, and we've been struggling with containing him ever since."

    "Abel," Bill whispered.

    Oak nodded. "Bill, I'd like to tell you more, but I need for you to do something."

    "What?"

    "Stay here. We'll be protecting you in the observation room."

    With that, Oak closed the door. Bill tried to stand up and protest, but then, the alarms sounded. This time, unlike two weeks ago when he last heard the beginning of them, it felt like it was several decibels louder than normal. He screamed and bent over, holding his aching ears as the sound continued to blast into his head. After a few seconds, he tried to calm himself just enough to lift his head from the mattress.

    Pulling his legs over the edge of the bed, he tried to stand and immediately crashed to one knee. Pain shot through him, but he forced himself to remove his hands and grit his teeth against the blaring noise. Then, he planted his hands on the edge of the bed and struggled against gravity one more time. It took him a few seconds to realize why he fell in the first place: he wasn't used to the way his legs worked. With that in mind, he shifted his weight, placing all of it on the balls of his feet. When he was sure he wasn't about to collapse again, he took his first stiff steps towards the window, just as light illuminated the other room. Resolving himself, he tried to pick up the pace, walking awkwardly to the window to peer beyond it.

    In the doorway to the hall, he saw the creature he assumed was Abel. Electricity sparked off the yellow spikes that jutted from the creature's skull, arms, and limbs, and a tail studded with golden barbs flicked behind him. The only things that weren't yellow were his face and the glistening, red parasite on his chest.

    Then, Bill noticed the people in the room. Two of the interns were already electrocuted and on the floor. Everyone else was backed against the sides and corners of the room. Shots rang out as darts flew towards Abel, but before any of them could hit, he shielded his face with his arms and surrounded himself with a field of blue electricity. In the next instant, the field expanded, sending the darts flying away from his body.

    That wasn't the only thing it did. Blue lightning struck everything around it, leaving scorch marks on the floor and ceiling, blasting a row of computers, and striking three of the scientists and interns who happened to be in the way. With a crack, the bellossom, who was standing in the middle of the room, was thrown against the wall, hitting it with a thump before crashing onto a console.

    Bill yelped in response and took a step backwards. As soon as he did, his tail tangled around his feet and sent him crashing to the floor once again. Another grimace twisted his face, and he looked up to see blue light flash through the window.

    Inside his head, he heard his voice speak again.

    Will you simply stand by and watch?

    "I don't know what to do," he whispered.

    What else is there to do? the voice asked.

    Bill paused and thought about the question. He could hear screaming from the other side. The sound mingled with the roar from the creature and the boom of thunder. In response, he stood.

    "I don't want to do this," he muttered to himself.

    Yet, despite acknowledging that part, he made his way towards the door.
     
    Last edited:

    Delusions of Originality

    good night, sleep tight
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    Two more chapters, hurrhurr. Les go.

    Chapter Four looked quite clean; the only thing I can think to point out is something minor.

    He felt her strong grip clamp down on his jaw, and as she forced him to turn his head, he winced as pain stabbed at his neck.

    The "as... as" structure you've got right now is slightly repetitive and a little awkward. Or maybe it just is to me, I dunno; I have trouble with repeating stuff like that all the time and have been trying to get better about it, so it tends to stick out to me. I'd have worded it something like "...and as she forced him to turn his head, pain stabbed at his neck and he winced." I don't think it's technically wrong, though, so feel free to ignore me. :p

    The second part, with Bill, was gorgeous. (You know, in a flesh-tearing carnivorous parasitic alien sort of way.) I loved the way it flowed, the fragmented "dream" description even though it's still clear that it's what's for dinner actually happening... it was just so sad. The poor guy is still too delirious to understand just how royally screwed he is, and that came across really well.

    The other, however, sounded strangely familiar to him, but he couldn't place where he might have heard it.

    I don't know about using those two conjunctions in the same sentence.

    Somehow, while he was asleep, his skin turned into metal plates,

    Shouldn't that be past perfect tense ("his skin had turned")?

    Likewise, although he had seen quite a lot of things that would have shocked a normal person – such as, for example, the complete destruction of his lighthouse's beacon by a giant pokémon – he wasn't the kind of person to experience a total meltdown.

    Of course, waking up to discover that his hands were made of metal was an unusual circumstance, and as such, it deserved an unusual response.

    I'm not 100% sure why, but I really like this passage here. I guess it's the understatement--I'm a sucker for that stuff when it's done well.

    His entire torso was made of overlapping plates of metal like the shell of an armadillo, but beyond that, his feet no longer looked remotely human.

    Dunno about this wording here... I mean, obviously his torso doesn't look remotely human either given the way you described it, so saying "but" there makes it... odd.

    Closing his mouth, Bill experimentally focused on moving it, and on command, the arrowhead rose and fell in time with the tune his mind was playing to keep him from screaming until his lungs exploded.

    Again, I like this.

    His hands reached up to grasp the sides of his head, lacing through the stiff, wire hair to his scalp.

    "On his scalp"? Something else?

    XP-494A, what we've been studying before your accident,

    I think you mean either "what we were studying..." or "what we've been studying since...".

    Ooh, the next chapter should be awesome. I know we're dealing with two scary-looking, carnivorous and incredibly powerful aliens, but the thought of "Bill vs. Janitor" is still making me giggle.

    I do have a question, though. Since it uses a human host, does XP-494B still heave human or humanoid vocal chords? Given its physiology after the transformation, I'm wondering whether its throat would be capable of sounding normal (which I'm assuming it does, since no comments have been made by Bill, Oak or anyone else about him not sounding like himself). Then again, this is animé canon and I guess Meowth and the few other talking pokémon speak with average human voices... eh, maybe I'm just overthinking it.
     

    JX Valentine

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  • The "as... as" structure you've got right now is slightly repetitive and a little awkward. Or maybe it just is to me, I dunno;

    No, you're right. It also sounds awkward to me now that I think about it. This is actually another problem I've been trying to solve: abuse of "as" statements. It's just that I never really got all of them, and in some cases (like this one, which was actually new material inserted into the fic), I ended up adding more because I'm ridiculous like that. Maybe I could split this into a couple of sentences, like so:

    He felt her strong grip clamp down on his jaw, and she forced him to turn his head. Pain stabbed at his neck as he winced.

    Mmm. Actually, still feels a little off. I'll play around with it a bit more to see what happens.

    The second part, with Bill, was gorgeous. (You know, in a flesh-tearing carnivorous parasitic alien sort of way.) I loved the way it flowed, the fragmented "dream" description even though it's still clear that it's what's for dinner actually happening... it was just so sad. The poor guy is still too delirious to understand just how royally screwed he is, and that came across really well.

    Thank you. It's one of those parts from the original that I actually liked enough to carry over. I had a lot of fun writing it, and it actually addresses one of a few problems I have with a lot of transformation fics. (Seriously, guys. If your main character is undergoing a full-body transformation from human to Pokémon, how do they stay sane and aware through the parts where their bodies are losing/gaining mass or growing things they really shouldn't have? I mean, if you think about it, those kinds of scenes really should be body horror either way. Unless you're doing it by magic or something.)

    'Course, I could have just left that issue unaddressed and went with the hand-waiving kind of transformation fic where it goes, "Oh, he woke up as this." But that's not nearly as fun. ;D

    I don't know about using those two conjunctions in the same sentence.

    No problem. I'll try taking out the "however" to see how it works.

    Shouldn't that be past perfect tense ("his skin had turned")?

    Ah, pluperfect. My old arch-nemesis, we meet again. *fistshake*

    I'm not 100% sure why, but I really like this passage here. I guess it's the understatement--I'm a sucker for that stuff when it's done well.

    Thanks again. It was an attempt to capture Bill's sense of humor -- or, um, lack thereof.

    Dunno about this wording here... I mean, obviously his torso doesn't look remotely human either given the way you described it, so saying "but" there makes it... odd.

    You know, I could've sworn I had written "and" there, and if I find out that the original actually had it worded with "and," I'm going to laugh.

    Long story short, you're right; "but" would be a contradiction. "And" might not be that great of a word choice, either, but I think I'd originally intended on having that be a compound sentence. (I could try it as separate sentences. I'm just not sure how that would flow.)

    "On his scalp"? Something else?

    Yeah, "on his scalp." I'm not sure why there's "at" there, actually.

    I think you mean either "what we were studying..." or "what we've been studying since...".

    Thanks. The first one was what I meant there. I'll fix it up when I go through on an edit spree. (You can tell I'm intensely lazy just by this, but in my defense, I was actually waiting to get feedback on this chapter so I could just go through and edit the stuff on my website all at once as well.)

    Ooh, the next chapter should be awesome. I know we're dealing with two scary-looking, carnivorous and incredibly powerful aliens, but the thought of "Bill vs. Janitor" is still making me giggle.

    Oh yes. Especially since Bill doesn't actually know how to use his powers yet. (Seriously, this entire fic is just one massive excuse to abuse Bill as much as possible for the lulz. I like to think that the in-universe explanation for this is that he's how the gods of that world entertain themselves. Sure, they gave him intelligence and the ability to make a difference in the world and all kinds of things like that, but really, that just makes all the luckscrew they do to him hilariously ironic to them. 'Course, because this is a sci-fi fic, this will never be mentioned within the fic, but it'll certainly look like the universe is going out of its way to screw him over.)

    Although I'll admit right here that the next chapter is probably not going to play with expectations. Anyone who's read version 2 on Serebii knows what I mean.

    I do have a question, though. Since it uses a human host, does XP-494B still heave human or humanoid vocal chords?

    The short answer is yes. It's weird and difficult to describe, but while there's a lot of elements to XP-494B's body that are alien, there's also a number of things that are still human. One of these is a human face, and another is the fact that the throat is largely untouched. There's an adaptive reason for this, too. Imagine fighting for survival in a place infested with zombies, and all of a sudden, a zombie whose face you can definitely recognize pops the hell out of nowhere and goes, "Heya, Tom! It's Bob, your best friend from work!"

    Same deal here, only instead of zombies, it's lightning-fast, bloodthirsty aliens who at least know how to take advantage of a distraction.

    Yeah.
     

    Delusions of Originality

    good night, sleep tight
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    JX Valentine

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  • I was picturing more xenomorph-esque faces even though I wasn't really sure.

    Now I kinda wish I did this because that would make for incredibly epic And I Must Scream moments.

    Anyway, as a side note, I rewrote the beginning of chapter three (transplanting the part about XP-494's name to the scene where it actually came from) to hopefully work out a plot hole. It's getting a test audience here before I start cross-posting it elsewhere, so feel free to go at it.

    Also, I'll take care of the minor edits (read: anything that doesn't need me to do major chapter revision) eventually, but in the meantime...


    Anima Ex Machina: Six
    What are you doing?


    There were a variety of things that made Bill McKenzie famous. First was the fact that his inventions, while stubbornly defiant of the laws of physics, made life immensely easier for the average trainer. Second was, naturally, the fact that he was simultaneously the youngest and possibly most eccentric inductee into the Pokémon Symposium, what with the whole host of rumors about what went on while he was locked away in his monastery-like lighthouse.

    Third was his uncanny ability to figure out what a pokémon was trying to say.

    It should be noted that this ability was by no means psychic. At its heart, it wasn't particularly extraordinary either. Bill simply liked to make it seem like it was an incredible talent by withholding the fact that what he was doing was one part paying meticulous attention to minute details, one part analysis through inductive reasoning, and two parts making a bunch of really lucky guesses. And as anyone in Goldenrod City could attest, if there was one thing a McKenzie was other than a clever bastard, it was lucky.

    Unfortunately, luck always came in two varieties: good and bad. For example, Bill's father, who made his fortune from the card flipping machines (and, for that matter, conning trainers out of coins by offering to teach their pokémon perfectly ordinary moves), usually had good luck. Meanwhile, Bill's luck liked to fluctuate wildly. Normally, his guesses were good. The rest of his luck, however, was bad. That should have been obvious enough to him with the fact that he woke up as something definitely not fully human, but for reasons he couldn't possibly begin to define, he found himself wobbling into the laboratory past his room. At once, Professor Oak turned his eyes on him.

    "Bill, what are you doing?" he asked. "Take cover!"

    He shook his head. "No, I can do this."

    Pressing forward, he stared at the other alien. As soon as both of them were in the room, the electric-type stopped and crouched. Abel crept closer to the steel-type, studying him with steady eyes.

    Bill swallowed and cleared his mind. He watched Abel's movements, taking note of how low the electric-type held himself and how slowly he walked. He observed the way Abel's face looked and how hard his expression was. His ears strained to listen to the creature's low growl. Finally, when he gathered enough information, he ran through everything he knew about body language to match what he was seeing to similar expressions he had seen on the field. After only a couple of minutes, a conclusion entered his mind.

    "You're scared," he murmured.

    Abel whined, the sound hitting a series of low, long notes. When he was in range, he stopped, staring at Bill like a kicked puppy.

    "Is that all?" Bill grinned. "You don't have to worry. You're safe now."

    Abel looked down. "Mmm… mmmaaaa… mmmooooh…"

    Bill raised his eyebrows. It was obvious to him that the creature was trying to communicate, but he couldn't imagine what he was trying to say or why he couldn't simply speak. After all, Bill had no trouble in that department. Still, considering all the other signs he'd seen so far, he decided to take it to be a sign of worry. With this in mind, he extended a hand and placed it lightly on Abel's shoulder.

    "I know all of this is disorienting, but it's okay. We can get through this."

    Blinking, Abel grasped Bill's wrist and pulled his hand into his field of vision. Bill smiled and turned his arm to let Abel look at the palm.

    "See?" he said. "I'm just like you."

    Abel looked up, eying Bill's face for a while. "Maaaasssss…"

    The electric-type released Bill's hand and looked towards the groups of people gathered in the corners of the room. His face distorted into a scowl as he brought his sparking hands up in front of him. Roaring, he fired a bolt of electricity towards one of them. Bill stumbled backwards at the boom of the attack while the group surrounding Abel's victim screamed and scrambled to get out of the way. The victim himself froze, his body completely rigid. Electricity coursed through him before he finally dropped to the floor.

    "What are you doing?!" Bill demanded.

    Ah, that is a rather interesting question, the voice in his head drawled. What is he doing? Could it be, perhaps, that you misinterpreted his intentions?

    Abel turned to the other group. Oak flung a hand upwards, and the group surrounding him immediately pulled the triggers on their tranquilizer guns. Darts flew towards Abel, but before they could hit their mark, the alien surrounded himself with a field of blue electricity. Seconds later, lightning bolts went in every direction, leaving dark patches where they landed. An intern who couldn't move out of the way quickly enough froze as blue light surrounded him, and the room quickly filled with the smell of metal and cooked flesh.

    "What?" Bill whispered.

    Is it that difficult to see? the voice continued. The creature you call Abel is not reacting in fear. Rather, I would say bravery. You see, he is not attacking out of self-defense. He is attacking... The voice paused just long enough to let Bill hear another crack of electricity. ...to free you.

    More shots rang out, and once again, Abel deflected them with his field of blue electricity. Bill stared in the meantime. His thoughts were on the voice, and slowly, he began to realize that it wasn't actually him. Glancing downward at the red jewel in his chest, he trembled.

    "You!"

    The jewel flashed once in response. Me. You were not my first choice for a host, but you will do. Now, do you wish to protect your friends?

    Although Bill shrank at the idea of getting help from, of all things, an alien in his head, his answer was quick. "Yes, of course!"

    Then, do as I say, and trust me. Stand.

    Shakily, he pushed himself against the side of the console and onto his feet. Abel glanced backwards just as he fired off another round of electricity. The electric-type grunted and waited.

    When you said, "I'm just like you," the voice told him, Abel mistook that as a sign that you feel as if you are being held prisoner as well. So, the solution is clearly to help him escape.

    "Why would I do that?!" Bill whispered.

    Would you rather fight him?

    Bill clenched his teeth. He didn't even have to vocalize an answer to the parasite. Walking forward, he let his actions answer for him.

    "Stop!"

    Around him, the scientists and interns had raised their guns again. Abel surrounded himself with electricity and, without even waiting for them to shoot, blasted bolts in every direction. Bill gasped and yanked one of the chairs away from the console before ducking behind it. A tendril of electricity hit it, and he held his ears over the sound of the resulting bang. The smell of something burning filled his nostrils. Glancing at the crowd in one of the corners, he watched three more of his colleagues straighten and clench their mouths shut when their bodies became engulfed in blue electricity. Seconds later, all three fell to the ground and didn't stir.

    The sound of another roar directed his attention back to Abel. Without any other warning, the creature turned and darted for the door. Bill, realizing that it would be a bad idea to lose the electric-type, stood and walked as quickly as he could after him.

    Oak turned his attention away from the door as soon as the XP-650B disappeared into the hallway. With several electrocuted team members and only a handful of tranquilizer darts left, he had to rethink his strategy. He could only wonder where the guard growlithe were, but a cold feeling in his chest told him to expect the worst. Taking note of what he had left to defend the institute, he was about to direct the remaining scientists and interns into regrouping and heading towards the hall. However, he stopped when he noticed that Bill had already reached the threshold and was hobbling quickly out of the room.

    "Bill, where are you going?" he asked.

    Oblivious to Oak's question, Bill focused completely on getting out of the room and into the hallway. Because of this, he didn't absorb the sound of the tranquilizer guns firing, and he certainly didn't notice Oak falling to his knees. The only thing he sensed was whatever lay in that corridor.

    Outside, the smell of something burning grew stronger, and it didn't take long for Bill to figure out why. Abel left a path of destruction both up and down the hall. To the left, in front of the laboratory that formerly held the electric-type, the door lay with one side blackened around the edges. Part of it tilted upwards with a white-clad arm poking out from beneath it. A spot of blood stained the wall, and from that, Bill could only guess how Abel's victim ended up under the door. Around it, the bodies of both humans and several growlithe lay, all of them with red blisters on whatever parts of their bodies charred clothing or fur didn't cover.

    To the right was a somewhat less violent scene. His interaction with Abel at least bought most personnel time to escape. What was left behind was a handful of security personnel. Some of them were humans. Their suits, once completely blue, now bore scorch marks, and the rest of each officer looked no better. Many of them had mouths clenched shut and eyes permanently widened. Their bodies were red with burns and blisters, and they lay limp on both sides of the hall. The growlithe near them were slumped in a similar fashion, with their forms motionless but their wide eyes fixed on the ceiling.

    Bill didn't have time to check to see if any of them were alive. He could hear the crack of electricity and the howl of growlithe further down the hall. Inside his chest, he felt something warm.

    For the sake of preparation, what techniques can you normally use?

    He furrowed his eyebrows, trying to focus on remaining upright as he passed another door. "Techniques?"

    Yes. What attacks. What moves. How does your kind engage in battle?

    Bill would have stopped and stared, had he not been concentrating on his own movements. Instead, he frowned.

    "I was human."

    And?

    An uncomfortable feeling crawled across Bill. It wasn't that he was starting to get a bad feeling about all of this. It was that the bad feeling that was already there was getting more urgent. Nonetheless, with Abel on the loose, he had a feeling he didn't have much of a choice but to cooperate with the parasite. After all, it was a parasite. It had to keep him alive at whatever cost because it needed him to survive.

    ...Right?

    Bill?

    "Humans don't fight pokémon directly," he finally said. "They have other pokémon fight for them."

    Is that so? Interesting.

    He felt as if something cold slithered into his head, and only then did he stop. With a yelp, he grabbed his head and closed his eyes.

    "What are you doing?!" he hissed.

    Teaching you. You are far too slow, and you will need a way to defend yourself.

    Cringing, Bill tried to resist, but he felt the cold object push into his mind. He couldn't even scream; his mouth clenched shut against his will. Turning, he put his hands on the wall and smacked his forehead against the white plaster.

    Get out of my head! he thought.

    In Bill's opinion, it was bad enough that the parasite was inside his mind, speaking to him with his own voice. This situation was a step beyond that. Now, the parasite held his brain, and there was nothing Bill could do to force it out. Instead, he stood there with his forehead pressed against the wall. Eventually, he could feel something warm pass from it to him – something that felt like a small amount of electricity. He could swear he heard a hum in his ears, like someone was whispering to him too low and too quickly for him to understand. After a few moments, the parasite withdrew, and Bill was left with every part of him feeling clammy and dirty.

    That is all I can give you.

    Bill opened his eyes. His mouth was released, and as soon as it was, he gasped.

    "What did you do to me?"

    I told you. I taught you something. Now, walk.

    Pushing away from the wall, Bill stumbled backwards a few steps and came to a stop. He blinked and looked down at his feet. Something felt different about them. Turning, he tested his step and found that it felt natural now. He no longer felt like he was going to pitch forward or backwards with each step. Instead, his feet spread easily and accepted his weight. Pushing off the ground, he launched himself into a short run.

    "I can walk," he whispered.

    Yes. The subconscious part of your mind simply needed to be taught how to use your feet. Now, what else did I teach you?

    Pausing at the question, Bill searched his mind for any new information. For a second time, something clicked. With a blink, he held up one of his hands and stared at it.

    Very good. You will need to know that later, I can assure you.

    Before he could ask what the parasite meant, a flash of light appeared near him. Yelping, Bill stumbled to avoid Abel. The creature sped past and stopped to crouch in front of him and stare at him inquisitively.

    "Abel!" Bill exclaimed.

    "Maaaasss?" he hissed.

    Forcing a smile, Bill replied, "Sorry. I'm following you. Don't worry."

    He turned to walk further down the hall, but there stood a jynx. Stopping short, he raised his eyebrows.

    "Where did you come from?" he asked. "Abel, were you running from this?"

    The jynx moaned as her lips began to glow. Puckering her lips, she launched herself forward. As Bill stepped backwards, Abel didn't hesitate to react. He balled one of his hands into a fist and pulled it back. Sparks flew from his knuckles as he lunged and swung his arm into an arc. The jynx had no time to dodge; before she realized she was being attacked, the punch connected with her stomach and lit up the hall. Howling, she flew backwards to land with a heavy thud several feet away.

    There was no time to celebrate. Behind them, Bill could hear several pairs of feet running towards him. Turning, he saw Professor Nettle, the girl he knew as Sienna, and several large interns surrounding them. The small army stopped a short distance away from Abel and Bill. As soon as she stopped, Sienna casually held up a tranquilizer gun and put her free hand on her hip. Her purple eyes fell on the jynx, and she responded with a smirk.

    "Well, Professor Nettle, so much for your plan," Sienna drawled.

    With a flick of her wrist, she let a black tulip slide from under the sleeve of her free arm. Bill eyed it warily as she brought it to her lips and slipped her gun in a holster beneath her lab coat.

    "Wait," he said. "Just let us go. Professor, he can kill us all, but he won't if—"

    Nettle raised an eyebrow. "He's intelligent."

    "Mm-hmm," Sienna replied. "Not at all like Pandora or Abel. Giovanni will adore this."

    "Giovanni?" Bill whispered. "Who…?"

    Sienna glanced at him with a childlike smile. "Did you already forget? I told you all about him two weeks ago."

    Bill stopped. He thought back to that haze of a memory just before he slipped into unconsciousness. That girl looked familiar to him, and the more he thought about it, the clearer her face became.

    The lab. The Plexiglas tube. The black-petaled flower in her hand. Her laugh. While he could only remember bits and pieces, he recalled enough to know exactly who she was. Scowling, he took a step back and extended his claws to his sides.

    "You!"

    Sienna laughed. "Wow, you really are as smart as they say you are! Now, why don't you come quietly? I promise Giovanni will give you the treatment you deserve!"

    Hearing Abel's growl next to him, Bill shook his head. "I wouldn't even if I could. Now, please, stand aside! Abel will kill all of you if we don't let him go!"

    "Is that so?" Nettle asked. "And what are you planning on doing as soon as you escape with a sociopathic pokémon, Bill?"

    He backed away. "I… I hadn't really…"

    "Hadn't really thought things through?" Nettle replied with a frown. "Once again, no less. Professor Oak commended you for your intelligence, and when it comes to your observations, I can't disagree. However, when it comes to strategy—"

    "Are you done?" Sienna asked as she crossed her arms.

    Nettle turned her head. "Hmm? Oh yes. Go ahead."

    "Right."

    Sienna grinned and extended her arm to point the tulip towards them.

    "Agents," she said, "attack!"

    Each member of the army flicked their lab coats back to reveal gas masks hooked to one side of their belts and vials of blue liquid resting in holsters on the other. Grabbing both at the same time, the army held the masks to their mouths and noses and threw the vials onto the ground. Abel darted forward with a screech, careening into the crowd as the bottles hit the tiled floor and shattered. As soon as the blue liquid within them touched air, it turned into a thick, white cloud of smoke.

    In the meantime, Bill wasn't so quick to react. He was already caught off-guard by the ambush, but on top of that, he didn't know what to expect from the liquid within the bottles. So, he found himself coughing and sputtering in a botched attempt to avoid breathing in the cloud. His eyes watered, and he stared through the mist at the silhouettes of the interns. Something was emitting bright light and sparks. People were screaming. He could hear Sienna bark muffled orders, but he suddenly found that he couldn't make sense of what she was saying.

    To his alarm, he realized he couldn't make sense of much of anything at all. His body suddenly felt extremely heavy, and the world was beginning to spin. Dropping to his knees, he held his head.

    Bill? the parasite asked. What is this?

    He didn't respond at first. He could only stare through the fog at the light that Abel was emitting. Something exploded, but he couldn't tell what it was. All he could tell was that a hole suddenly appeared in the ceiling, and rain was falling through it.

    It sounded like thousands of tiny explosions to him.

    Bill?

    He felt very tired. That was when he knew what he was breathing in.

    "Issleeping… sleeping gaah," he murmured.

    Sleeping gas? What is that? Bill?

    He couldn't respond. His eyelids felt heavy, and he found that he couldn't even kneel anymore. Noticing that the ground looked oddly comfortable to him, he slipped to the floor and curled up on his side. Above him, a bright light appeared.

    An angel? he thought.

    As he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, he could feel pairs of hands grabbing him, both inside his mind and outside his body.
     
    Last edited:

    Delusions of Originality

    good night, sleep tight
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    (and, for that matter, conning trainers out of coins by offering to teach their pokémon perfectly ordinary moves)

    Ahaha, the move tutor. Nice.

    "Well, Professor Nettle, so much for your plan," Sienna drawled.

    Good lord, woman. Is everyone in Team Rocket? :p

    ...All right, reading further I can see she's just Domino, but... okay, revised question. Is everyone Domino?

    Silly questions aside, though, more and more crazy stuff keeps happening and more and more of these Evil Interns start showing up. I can't help but get the feeling that they can only keep this damage control going for so long, and they'll have to abort the whole act eventually.

    Nettle quirked an eyebrow. "He's intelligent."

    Quirked an eyebrow? Not entirely sure what that's supposed to mean. I mean, I get what you're saying, I just wasn't aware that "quirk" was a verb that could apply to eyebrows. Hm.

    Can't really think of much else to say, so... more please?
     

    JX Valentine

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  • Ahaha, the move tutor. Nice.

    *bows* And despite this, every single one of us probably fell for him. (But he's teaching Ice Beam/Flamethrower/Thunderbolt, man!)

    ...All right, reading further I can see she's just Domino, but... okay, revised question. Is everyone Domino?

    The answer to this question is yes. Without exception. Even Professor Oak.

    I can't help but get the feeling that they can only keep this damage control going for so long, and they'll have to abort the whole act eventually.

    Pretty much. XD

    Quirked an eyebrow? Not entirely sure what that's supposed to mean. I mean, I get what you're saying, I just wasn't aware that "quirk" was a verb that could apply to eyebrows. Hm.

    Huh. Evidently, it's not a common expression. (Thanks, Google!) It actually means to suddenly raise it, but maybe it's just slang.

    Can't really think of much else to say, so... more please?

    Okay! ;D
     

    Giratina ♀

    what's your sign?
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    Just read the latest two chapters. I gotta say, I'm a sucker for transformation fics in quite a lot of their forms, and half-human hybrids are one of the best when done right. That said, this looks an awful lot like a half-human hybrid fic - except the other half is, you know, an elemental parasite - and this is making me wish I had read it sooner. The whole type-varies-from-person-to-person deal reminds me a lot of Hidden Power. Perhaps that move and all its super math has something to do with it? :o (Also, just throwing this out, but for some reason I keep expecting the burly interns to be sacrificed to the various XP breeds, not unlike the red-shirt interns in Total Drama Island. Yeah, I'm comparing this to TDI. Shoot me now.)
     

    JX Valentine

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  • Just read the latest two chapters. I gotta say, I'm a sucker for transformation fics in quite a lot of their forms, and half-human hybrids are one of the best when done right.

    Amen there. There's just something about how it goes that's both freaky but intriguing at the same time. Like, even if it's science-induced, there's just a sort of magic about it.

    As for this, thanks. XD I tried to get that kind of feel because it's supposed to be a sort of 'morph fic. Only, you know, if the Pokémon in question was a fakemon. A fakemon based on xenomorphs.

    The whole type-varies-from-person-to-person deal reminds me a lot of Hidden Power. Perhaps that move and all its super math has something to do with it? :o

    Pretty much, yeah. While I admit I haven't entirely worked out how their types are chosen in an out-of-game scenario, I figured that if XP-494 was actually included in a game (pfft, hack at the very most), its type would be determined by the same formula as Hidden Power. So, I guess this would mean you'd always get HP that coincides with XP-494's type. Which would probably be a headache for the competitive battlers, but hey!

    And now, I'm thinking of ways to incorporate this into the fic. I'm sure Bill would have a blast (no pun intended) figuring out fun things to do with the glowy spheres that pop up as part of the attack.

    (Also, just throwing this out, but for some reason I keep expecting the burly interns to be sacrificed to the various XP breeds,

    Maybe. ;D

    not unlike the red-shirt interns in Total Drama Island. Yeah, I'm comparing this to TDI. Shoot me now.)

    Don't worry. It's a guilty pleasure of mine, too. ;_; (It's like watching Fear Factor, only it doesn't adhere to the laws of science or ethical codes!)

    That being said, I swear, the next chapter will be coming soon, along with all those edits. (I even decided to take out the part where people thought it was a bit narmy. Turns out, I really can't write Bill as that kind of psychotic anyway, so it's better that it's out. He's still psychotic. It's just a special kind of psychotic.)
     

    Citrinin

    Nephrotoxic.
    2,778
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  • As I'm coming a bit late to the party, my comments will be fairly generalised. I did notice a few things, though.

    Chapter Two:

    JX Valentine said:
    At just the foot stomp, Bill gritted his teeth, bent over, and let loose a straining cry.
    You gave the impression that Bill was being held tightly enough to be kept still, yet he was still able to bend over here. This leaves room for a few possibilities, like the agents releasing his arm enough to allow him to do so, or his bending over just constituting a weak lean forward. Either way, I think it should be elaborated upon.

    Chapter Three:

    JX Valentine said:
    Slowly, she stood straight.
    There should be an "up" between "stood" and "straight". (Not entirely sure if this is a grammatical rule or not, but in any case, it doesn't sound very natural.)

    JX Valentine said:
    "Giovanni must not trust you that much." Turning, 009 slipped a hand into the envelope and pulled from it a photo. "The Stardust Operation is for gathering intelligence, but my mission, the Polaris Operation, is a bit different. I was sent here to collect this."
    It seems a bit strange that she'd hand over mission details to Professor Nettle that Giovanni specifically didn't trust her with.

    JX Valentine said:
    "By the way, for the sake of curiosity, who did you choose to become XP-494's host?"
    "[W]ho" should be "whom", as it is the object. Although the distinction often isn't recognised in everyday speech, it seems odd that such a pedantic and intelligent person as Professor Nettle would miss it.

    Overall, this is a spectacular piece of work. The writing style is intelligent, the characters are captivating, and the plot had no trouble keeping my attention. I simply adore the pure viciousness of XP-494 (even if I do have to suspend a little disbelief that something from outer space is a uniquely human parasite, but we'll see where that leads). I look forward to reading more. :)
     

    Luphinid Silnaek

    MAGNEMITE.
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  • Yeah, I don't think there's so much harm in coming here all the times SPPF bores me with inactivity. Really, has it been three-quarters of a year since I read the older version? I remember glimmering intimations of sci-fi awesomeness among my bad mood of those weeks.

    Since I have nothing useful to say, I'll compare versions (not likely discussing story points, those are too meta for my mind right now). The clearest trend I picked up from the portions where you weren't totally reupholstering the plot details: directness. Clear statement over introspection. Blunt action over summaries. I'm almost sure you intended it. Did you intend it? You probably did. Did you intend it? Uh, it does help with the genre of this fic: science has technicalities (and why can't these technicalities be left alone to imply more drippy stuff?); action thrives in direct statements.

    I like that, if you intended it (and even if you didn't). I picked up like two bits that could be changed in service of this:

    Before he could finish, something outside the lab exploded. Oak looked up, glancing over his shoulder at the door. Sienna slammed the door to the hallway open and rushed forward until she stood behind her chair. Her face, which was pale on its own, took on the hue of a sheet of paper.

    Unusually this sentence seems to have less force when it's just up and stated like that. The characters would be more likely to register a loud explodey noise or bright light or rubble before they inferred that an explosion had happened, especially if the building is so solidly made that it might not be apparent from inside the lab. Besides that, uncertainty words (I forget what they're called) like 'something' dissipate the force of the sentence by themselves. The indirectness of this sentence could have something to do with some apparent reverie Bill may have, but then it would take a few more moments for him to realize it was an explosion, wouldn't it?

    Wincing, he pulled his legs over the edge of the bed and tried to stand, but thanks to the fact that he wasn't remotely used to the shape of his feet, he immediately crashed to one knee.

    A quick motion and fall (and if I wasn't sure about that, you say 'immediately'). Why the long phrase in between his trying to stand and his falling? The reason he fell is important to state, yeah, but it belongs just afterwards, when his brain rationalizes what his body went through.

    Unless I'm remembering wrong, the dream sequence is a good bit shorter now. I rather liked the whole stream-of-consciousness thing from the original write, but this length services the pacing, you saved the best part of the body horror, and, besides, you give us a gorgeous post-metamorphosis breakdown conversation instead. It flows even better than last time, and the dialogue is perfect (as far as I'm a judge).

    Marvel at my long-term memory: I'm relearning most of the alien basics in this reading. One thing that occurs to me is why the parasites should transform their hosts according to terrestrial types: do they have exactly the same conventions of water/fire/grass/electric/whatever-type over there? Or are they so adaptable they conform to the thirteen Earth types just by coming here? Certainly humans aren't a part of these thirteen, and besides, the transformation isn't so much on the basis of different pokémon physiologies as it is on the basis of their types specifically. Could this be *gasp* a rare slip of anthropocentricity (or maybe pokécentricity) in your imagination?

    Yeah, I had fun with the new plot developments. I loved this part:

    Oblivious to Oak's question, Bill focused completely on getting out of the room and into the hallway. So, he didn't absorb the sound of the tranquilizer guns firing, and he certainly didn't seem to notice Oak falling to his knees. The only thing he sensed was whatever lay in that corridor.

    Moment I read it, I thought: double-oh-nine, you ingenious *****. Nettle need have no doubts about her.

    Oh, and I love the new banner. It's so apocalyptically understated.
     

    JX Valentine

    Your aquatic overlord
    3,277
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  • Blargh. Why is PC slow just when I wanted to reply? :(

    You gave the impression that Bill was being held tightly enough to be kept still, yet he was still able to bend over here. This leaves room for a few possibilities, like the agents releasing his arm enough to allow him to do so, or his bending over just constituting a weak lean forward. Either way, I think it should be elaborated upon.

    Good point. I'll have to fix that one up.

    There should be an "up" between "stood" and "straight". (Not entirely sure if this is a grammatical rule or not, but in any case, it doesn't sound very natural.)

    You know, it's really weird, but this isn't the only time I've skipped entire words in my writing. I don't even know how I manage to do that, not only while writing the thing but also during either of the two proofreading phases. (Hilariously, I proofread every chapter once before I send it to a friend and former beta-reader of mine, and then after I hear her reaction, I proofread the chapter again before posting it. And I still don't catch everything. Yay for being human!)

    It seems a bit strange that she'd hand over mission details to Professor Nettle that Giovanni specifically didn't trust her with.

    Keep in mind that the person who said that Giovanni didn't trust Nettle was Domino, and Domino was mocking Nettle at the time. The real reason why she never received word that a major operation was taking place in her area was never actually mentioned, partially because she got ticked off at Domino right there. Let's just say that she actually was sent the orders that she was supposed to help Domino and her team on their mission in any way she could. She just never received them thanks to a minor communication error on her part.

    "[W]ho" should be "whom", as it is the object. Although the distinction often isn't recognised in everyday speech, it seems odd that such a pedantic and intelligent person as Professor Nettle would miss it.

    Thanks! I'll get that worked out. Yeah, that's part of my own speech habits bleeding onto the characters' right there. XD;

    Overall, this is a spectacular piece of work. The writing style is intelligent, the characters are captivating, and the plot had no trouble keeping my attention. I simply adore the pure viciousness of XP-494 (even if I do have to suspend a little disbelief that something from outer space is a uniquely human parasite, but we'll see where that leads). I look forward to reading more. :)

    Thanks so much! I really appreciate it, and I hope I don't disappoint you with what I've got planned concerning the aliens.

    Yeah, I don't think there's so much harm in coming here all the times SPPF bores me with inactivity.

    It's inactive? XD Man, last time I managed to get in, it looked like it was jumping.

    Although if anything, I blame the loading times. It wasn't this bad before Gen V was announced, wasn't it?

    Anyway...

    The clearest trend I picked up from the portions where you weren't totally reupholstering the plot details: directness. Clear statement over introspection. Blunt action over summaries. I'm almost sure you intended it. Did you intend it?

    Yep. I did. I felt like the first version was incredibly slow -- and not just because the chapters were over ten pages long each. A lot of the original stuff was mostly psychological drama, which might've been fine for The Fly but definitely wasn't for something that's supposed to be closer to Alien or Resident Evil (the games, not the movies).

    Unusually this sentence seems to have less force when it's just up and stated like that. The characters would be more likely to register a loud explodey noise or bright light or rubble before they inferred that an explosion had happened, especially if the building is so solidly made that it might not be apparent from inside the lab. Besides that, uncertainty words (I forget what they're called) like 'something' dissipate the force of the sentence by themselves. The indirectness of this sentence could have something to do with some apparent reverie Bill may have, but then it would take a few more moments for him to realize it was an explosion, wouldn't it?

    This is a good point, and what you say is absolutely true. I'll have to go and check that out a bit more to see how it can be fixed up.

    A quick motion and fall (and if I wasn't sure about that, you say 'immediately'). Why the long phrase in between his trying to stand and his falling? The reason he fell is important to state, yeah, but it belongs just afterwards, when his brain rationalizes what his body went through.

    Also a good point, and it really wouldn't hurt to put it in its own sentence, either. I'll try that and see what happens.

    Unless I'm remembering wrong, the dream sequence is a good bit shorter now.

    Thanks for the compliment, but believe it or not, it's exactly the same as it was back in the first version. XD; I think it might be the only part that actually is other than half the prologue, just because I liked the wording that much. It's possible that the reason why you think it's shorter is because the rest of the chapter is only a fraction of what the original was.

    But the conversation after he woke up is definitely new, and I really appreciate your feedback for that. I was afraid it sounded forced, especially since Bill got over his shock pretty quickly.

    One thing that occurs to me is why the parasites should transform their hosts according to terrestrial types: do they have exactly the same conventions of water/fire/grass/electric/whatever-type over there? Or are they so adaptable they conform to the thirteen Earth types just by coming here? Certainly humans aren't a part of these thirteen, and besides, the transformation isn't so much on the basis of different pokémon physiologies as it is on the basis of their types specifically. Could this be *gasp* a rare slip of anthropocentricity (or maybe pokécentricity) in your imagination?

    You pose a lot of interesting questions. While I haven't worked out a lot of the details concerning the transformation yet, there's a few factors I have worked out that can answer your question:

    Spoiler:


    tl;dr, you pretty much guessed it with every question you asked.

    Moment I read it, I thought: double-oh-nine, you ingenious *****. Nettle need have no doubts about her.

    This is why you never give someone a gun and turn your back on them. ;D

    Oh, and I love the new banner. It's so apocalyptically understated.

    Thank you! It's the closest thing I could get to viral marketing. XD ("This banner doesn't tell me anything about what it links to. Maybe I should click it because I'm curious. Oh hey! It's a fanf-- OH GOD, WHAT'S HAPPENING TO THAT ABSOL?")


    Anyway, I know this is the third time I'm saying this, but I'll get the weird bits fixed up tonight and post the next chapter soon. Sorry about the inexplicable absence. I decided to take a couple days away from PC to finish chapter ten. And, um, apply for jobs. And I live in the States, so this actually is its own shenanigans-filled adventure that required its own day away from PC.
     

    Citrinin

    Nephrotoxic.
    2,778
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    Years
  • JX Valentine said:
    (Hilariously, I proofread every chapter once before I send it to a friend and former beta-reader of mine, and then after I hear her reaction, I proofread the chapter again before posting it. And I still don't catch everything. Yay for being human!)
    The world needs an MS Word with a flawless grammar checker, methinks. :3 Until then, our humanity will continue to interfere with the creative process. ;D

    JX Valentine said:
    Keep in mind that the person who said that Giovanni didn't trust Nettle was Domino, and Domino was mocking Nettle at the time. The real reason why she never received word that a major operation was taking place in her area was never actually mentioned, partially because she got ticked off at Domino right there. Let's just say that she actually was sent the orders that she was supposed to help Domino and her team on their mission in any way she could. She just never received them thanks to a minor communication error on her part.
    Ah, yes, I see. ^^; My bad.

    JX Valentine said:
    Thanks so much! I really appreciate it, and I hope I don't disappoint you with what I've got planned concerning the aliens.
    You're most welcome. One thing that struck me more than anything was the simple holding of my attention for a long period of time. Like with writing, I almost always have to read in short bursts. I didn't need to do that with AEM, which is very rare.

    And I look forward to reading about your explanation of XP-494 when it comes. ^_^
     

    JX Valentine

    Your aquatic overlord
    3,277
    Posts
    20
    Years
  • Wow, the revision took longer than it really should have. However, I think I got everything. If I missed something, feel free to drop me a note somehow.

    Also, yes to the flawless grammar checker. Seriously. (It's like a case of "why do we even have that lever," only instead of levers, it's inaccurate built-in writing tools.)

    Anyway, I'll get back into reviewing tomorrow, just 'cause it's a bit late here for me. In the meantime, have a new chapter? :D



    Anima Ex Machina: Seven
    Never make a deal with the devil.


    Bill opened his eyes to find himself in a place that was definitely not Polaris Institute. Turning his head, he pushed himself onto his knees to examine his surroundings. Above him, what he could see of the sky was gray, but much of it was obscured by the bare, black branches of the trees all around him. The earth and the dead leaves that littered it were shades of dark gray. For as far as he could see, the forest stretched in all directions with no end in sight. Yet, despite how cold and grayscale the place was, he couldn't help but feel as if he had been there once.

    "You have," a voice said. "This is the forest around your home, is it not? The forest that surrounds the place you call Route 25. To the east, it will end, giving way abruptly to a beach, and one could follow that beach to a lighthouse upon a cliff – the one you call the Sea Cottage. However, for our purposes, no matter how far you walk, you will never get there. I tell you this now so you can feel comfortable but focus completely on me."

    Sitting back, he listened carefully to the voice. It definitely sounded like his. He knew all too well it wasn't.

    "You!" he yelled. "Where are you?"

    There was only a short beat of hesitation before it answered, "Find me."

    Bill pressed his hands into the ground and prepared to spring onto his feet, but before he moved, he noticed something about his body. Looking at his hands, he discovered that his armor had been replaced by soft, pink flesh, and all of his sharpened claws were gone.

    Something in his brain jolted. Suddenly, a rush of memories hit him: waking up to find that his body was covered in metal, encountering a man who could produce electricity, breathing in a white cloud that put him to sleep. With each short recollection, he tried to calm himself with rapid gulps of air.

    "Take as long as you need. Time is irrelevant here," the voice told him.

    This time, he didn't attempt to jump up, opting instead for rising slowly to his feet. He realized that they felt strange under him, although they were definitely the feet he was born with. Step by step, he crept in the direction of the voice until he passed the first tree. Behind it, a flash of silver caught his eye. He turned his head to see himself leaning against it, but this self wasn't human. He assumed it had to have been what he looked like as an XP-650B: the face was his own (albeit paler than what he was used to seeing in the mirror), while the metal-armored body looked more like what happened if a raptor mated with a human. Its claws glinted in the gray sunlight, its legs were bent into the ankle of a long foot, and its tail curled around one set of three broad toes. Yet, as strange as it looked to Bill, the creature stared at him with dark, human eyes – his dark eyes. Before long, Bill realized it wanted him to speak.

    "Am I dreaming?" he whispered.

    "Yes," the creature told him. Then, it looked away. "Electric-types are the fastest among my kind, but they cannot carry weight well. Therefore, you must be kept asleep and still so that Abel may carry us to where we need to be. Otherwise, I am afraid of what may happen if he drops us. I can smell water outside."

    Bill took several steps backwards until his back smacked against a tree. "What?"

    The creature turned back towards him. Right then, Bill noticed that its expression was completely unreadable. Its mouth was a straight line, and its eyes were blank. A shudder went down the human's spine.

    "I was worried that I would have to emerge in order to free us," the parasite continued. "Luckily, Abel is here. After all, if I were to dominate our body for too long, then…"

    Its voice trailed off at that point, and it looked down at its feet. Bill could feel himself sliding down the trunk. He felt numb, and none of what the alien had just told him sank into his mind.

    "What are you?" Bill whispered. "What… what do you want?"

    The creature lifted its chin slightly. "My kind do not have names for ourselves or for each other. I cannot, therefore, tell you what I am. As for what I want, we are going to a place you know as Hoenn."

    Suddenly, Bill's entire body felt cold. "You're going to take me to your kind, aren't you? You want me to…"

    Bill sensed that the creature was amused. Considering the look on its face never changed, he couldn't figure out how he knew that. He just looked at it and knew it would be chuckling if it could.

    "There are few like me on this planet," it said, "and none of them would accept your human mind. I, on the other hand, have no intention of forcing myself on you."

    It strode forward. Bill watched it carefully until it stared down at him. With a flash, one of its metal hands lashed outward and grabbed him by the neck. Gasping, he felt its grip tighten and lift him into the air. His windpipe contracted, and he felt his lungs strain for oxygen. Frantically, he grabbed and pulled the creature's arm.

    "Humans are so fragile," it told him calmly. "A few breaths of a poison, and you wither and die. A few wounds, and you bleed to death. I do not know how strong the others of your kind are compared to you, but you seem laughably weak compared to my last host. If I push you too hard and too quickly, you would break."

    It released him, causing him to drop to the soft ground. He grabbed his throat and spasmed with a coughing fit. His body bent in half, and he pressed his forehead to the ground. The air felt like it was on fire as it ripped down his throat. As he lay gasping and shaking, the parasite stood over him and spoke to him tonelessly.

    "If you are wondering, our relationship is not unique. There are others of my species who, either by force or by choice, have relinquished control over their bodies to their hosts. This has always been true. Therefore, it is my choice to give you as much freedom and guidance as I can, but there is something I must ask you to do in return."

    The coughing began to subside. Bill lifted his head to look at his companion. He said nothing, but the parasite knew what question was on his mind.

    "You must learn to survive," it told him. "I can teach you all I can, but you must hone those skills on your own. You must learn how to control the gifts I have given you, and you must become strong. This will need to happen quickly. There is something else I will ask you to do soon, but you would not be able to do it until you have adapted to the form I gave you. However, if we waste too much time, we will lose any chance of completing what we must do, and if that occurs, your species will be doomed."

    Bill pulled himself back to his feet using the tree. His knees felt shaky, and his vision was still blurred by his tears. Squinting, he rubbed his throat.

    "I… I don't…" he rasped.

    The creature tilted its head slightly. "Do you find it that difficult to understand? I am proposing to you a contract. Control, in exchange for a very simple favor. Do we have a deal?"

    It extended a hand. Bill stared at the metal and pressed his back to the tree trunk behind him. Right then, it all hit him. If he took that hand, he'd be bound by contract to do exactly the kinds of things he wanted to avoid. Fighting? Gifts? He didn't even know what favor the thing wanted or what he was getting himself into. Trembling, he shook his head.

    The creature knelt in front of him. "No?"

    "Please… please leave me alone," Bill whispered.

    "Have I really failed to make myself clear with my last example?"

    It placed a hand on his shoulder. At first, it was just a light touch, but as seconds passed, the hand grew heavier. The grip tightened until Bill could feel the claws pierce through his skin and dig deep into the muscle of his shoulder. He cried out and gripped the monster's arm. Hot pain laced from where the fingers were burrowing deep into his flesh, and he shut his eyes tightly.

    "Oh gods!" he cried. "Let go!"

    The hand squeezed harder. Bill could almost feel its fingers brushing his bone. The creature leaned close and whispered into Bill's ear. Its breath was cold and smelled like the sea.

    "I am inside you," the creature hissed. "To reject me will be suicide. You will either be killed by my brethren, or I will kill you to find a new host. The truth is, Bill, that the only painless alternative you have is to surrender. To go deep down inside yourself – so deep that your mind will drown in my consciousness, and you will cease to exist. I could do that to you in an instant, but because you are useful to me, I give you a choice. I offer you peace and a chance to live with me, but it must be on my terms. Do you understand?"

    Shakily, he nodded. His mind was focused on the pain, and he felt his limbs wobble and his body grow weaker. Both of his hands slipped off the creature's arm and hung at his sides. As his vision began to grow dark, he forced himself to think about the words it said.

    "Good."

    The creature presented its free hand. Bill stared at it. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want any of this. He wanted to be back in Polaris with his own body and his own thoughts, but he suspected both were just beyond his reach for the time being.

    Weakly, he wrapped his hand around his partner's. The metal fingers nearly crushed his, but luckily, the contact lasted for only a second. As soon as it happened, the monster pulled away from him, drawing its fingers out of Bill's shoulder. He screamed for a second time as blinding pain ripped through him, but as soon as he reached up to grab his shoulder, he stopped. Panting, he looked down to see that the bare, white skin of his shoulder was just that: bare and white, with not even a scar to tell him that five needles had been jammed deep into it just a moment ago. Even the pain was almost completely gone.

    Completely indifferent to Bill's curiosity, the creature stood and turned. "Now that formalities are out of the way, there is one other order of business I believe we must attend to before you awaken. Because you humans have difficulties comprehending anything without giving it a name, I suppose I should choose one for myself before you take to calling me by that ridiculous designation you gave my species."

    Breathing shallowly, Bill struggled to stand, using the tree as support. He felt light-headed, as if at any second, he would drop face-first into the ground again. It felt like a miracle to him that he could remain standing long enough to stare at his companion.

    "They gave me a name, you know," it said. "Your colleagues, I mean. They gave me one like they did for Abel." It looked over its shoulder. "Adam. It is not quite the name I would have chosen for myself, but it will do."

    At that point, Bill's mouth moved, although he wasn't entirely conscious of the fact that he was speaking.

    "Adam…"

    It clasped its claws behind its back. "I read your memory to understand your kind better. Adam was the first man." It looked forward. "Ironic, is it not?"

    Exhaling, Bill once again whispered, "Adam…"

    Adam straightened its back. "Something is happening outside. Wake up."

    Before Bill could reply, the forest and Adam vanished.

    ---​

    When Bill awoke for a second time, he opened his eyes to a cold world of color. Below him, he saw a blur of brown and green, and above him, there was a stretch of blue and white. A streak of yellow and red passed over him, screaming, as he was sent careening towards a patch of green. The journey towards the patch was short; he hit it with a bang seconds after he was dropped. He squinted, and the blurs of color around him morphed into the wobbling vision of a field fringed by trees. Gunshots and cracks of thunder filled his ears, and the bitter smells of metal and gunpowder flooded his nostrils.

    With some effort, he turned over and lifted his head. Bill squinted and tried to will the world to stay still just enough for him to see. Several feet in front of him, he caught sight of a group of people – ten in all – in various civilian clothes. All of them had guns in their hands and electrike around their feet, and in one large hunting party, they almost completely surrounded Abel.

    The electric-type looked, in Bill's opinion, absolutely terrible. Blood ran out of a red wound in his shoulder, and from the other shoulder, his arm hung limply with a bone jutting out of its side. Half the hand on the broken arm was missing; it stopped at a ragged line – the edge of a hole left by a point-blank gunshot wound, no doubt. His tail looked just as incomplete.

    Roaring, Abel surrounded himself with blue light and released another volley of electrical bolts. The electrike barked and pounced forward, into the attack. Before a single bolt could strike their human companions, the pack absorbed the electricity and dropped to the ground. None of them had so much as a burn on them. Each electrike simply stood on all fours, teeth bared and growls rumbling in a chorus.

    Another gunshot rang out, and Abel reeled forward. Blood spurted from the back of his skull as another one of the civilians placed a gun barrel against the jewel in Abel's chest. The trigger was pulled, and one last shot boomed. Abel fell backwards, green gel and red blood flying as he fell to the red-slicked grass. He didn't get up again.

    The civilians hesitated, waiting for Abel to move. One even lowered her rifle and nudged his body with the barrel. When he didn't stir, the group looked at Bill.

    "Now the other one," one of the civilians said.

    With a shuddering cry, Bill realized what they were about to do. As they moved towards him, he sat up and scrambled backwards. His eyes widened, and he felt his breath quicken. Placing a hand over his chest, he trembled and forced himself to speak.

    "W-wait!" he cried.

    They stopped and looked at each other.

    "It spoke," a woman in the group whispered.

    "Can it understand us?" a man muttered.

    The group turned towards someone in the middle of their formation. They parted to allow her to walk through.

    Normally, Bill would be comforted by the sight of an Officer Jenny. Her blue police officer's uniform represented justice and safety to the majority of his world. No matter where she went, there would be order. However, there was a glint in her coffee-colored eyes that made him uneasy, and the way her glossy lips pursed made him think of a judge about to sentence a convict. Of course, the latter notion might have come from the fact that she was holding a black handgun that was pointed directly at him, and although Bill knew very little about weapons, he thought it looked powerful enough to put a hole right through him.

    There was a long moment of silence. Officer Jenny kept her hand steady as she looked at him with a critical eye. Tilting her head, she finally found something to say.

    "Do you have a name?" she asked.

    He sat up, blinking. His mind scrambled to grasp her question. It seemed so casual and out-of-place that he couldn't even understand it at first. Then, his mouth pushed to speak.

    "Bill," he murmured.

    Jenny nodded, her eyes settling on the hand on his chest. Behind her, a member of the hunting party stepped forward.

    "Should we kill it?" he asked.

    Jenny shook her head. "I've got a better idea."

    She swung her arm. The barrel of her gun cracked against the side of Bill's head, sending him sprawling into the ground. Once again, his vision darkened, and he found himself quickly slipping into unconsciousness.
     
    Last edited:

    Luphinid Silnaek

    MAGNEMITE.
    100
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    16
    Years
  • This is proceeding quickly and snappily. What is up with that lever, indeed. Grammar checking can't be a very high-level thought process, can it? We see a shoddy sentence, our hand goes immediately to editing, unless it's our own fic,which is where everything breaks down. Pity all of that presupposes the ability to understand the structure of basically every kind of legitimate sentence in possible existence.

    Something in his brain jolted. Suddenly, a rush of memories hit him: waking up to find that his body covered in metal, encountering a man who could produce electricity, breathing in a white cloud that put him to sleep. His chest heaved in an effort to calm himself.

    You could either remove that or add a 'was' in the appropriate place, hmm?

    Its voice trailed off at that point, and it looked down at its feet. Bill could feel himself sliding down the trunk. He felt numb, and none of what the alien had just told him sank into his mind.

    The 'had' is missing from your text. Your nemesis strikes again!

    "Humans are so fragile," it told him calmly. "A few breaths of a poison, and you whither and die. A few wounds, and you bleed to death. I do not know how strong the others of your kind are compared to you, but you seem laughably weak compared to my last host. If I pushed you too hard and too quickly, you will break."

    One 'h' in wither; you're writing the archaic term adjacent to 'where' in meaning. Also since the last sentence is hypothetical, it should technically be 'you would break', but the fact that it's dialogue gives you leeway. 'Will break' sounds more ominous, but it makes the sentence sound a little off, which might not suit the absoluteness of what he's saying so calmly.

    "Yes," the creature told him. Then, it looked away. "Electric-types are the fastest among my kind, but they cannot carry weight well. Therefore, you must be kept asleep and still so that Abel may carry us to where we need to be. Otherwise, I am afraid of what may happen if he drops us. I can smell water outside."

    Hee. I caught that nod to Bill's limitations this time around.

    So much of what goes on between Adam and Bill runs on the basis that Bill is too tired and traumatized to resist, doesn't it? Adam's kind seems to be a little smarter than humans with all the stamina of a decent pokémon, while Bill never gets a break. Happy to see his malicious awesomeness has debuted already, and I notice how carefully calculated his interactions are with Bill. He betrays no annoyance or frustration or any conversational emotion except where it makes an impression on Bill. He takes information, processes it utterly silently, and is acclimatised to it in hours. Look how fast he figured out communication! (If it's direct telepathy, are their minds really so compatible that their thought patterns would be immediately familiar to each other; and if they do use words, that would mean Adam has already learned English.) He's just pretending to be unfamiliar with Bill's capacity for understand to be condescending, the bastard. A little evidence of firefights and he's already making 'humans are fragile' speeches.

    Abel 'splodey! Bill actually tried to communicate with the thing a while ago, didn't he? I wonder if he's going to register how violently Abel died, and if he has a little residual pity from their first 'conversation'. He is Abel's maaaasssss... after all.
     

    JX Valentine

    Your aquatic overlord
    3,277
    Posts
    20
    Years
  • Sorry it's taken me so long to respond. I've been caught up in real life for awhile.

    And by that, I mean World of Warcraft.

    You could either remove that or add a 'was' in the appropriate place, hmm?

    Thanks. That probably deserves a "was."

    Also, thanks for the pluperfect help. XD

    One 'h' in wither; you're writing the archaic term adjacent to 'where' in meaning.

    I'm not sure why I did that, strangely enough. I guess it's too many years of studying Shakespeare.

    Also since the last sentence is hypothetical, it should technically be 'you would break', but the fact that it's dialogue gives you leeway. 'Will break' sounds more ominous, but it makes the sentence sound a little off, which might not suit the absoluteness of what he's saying so calmly.

    I'll have to think about this one. On the one hand, Adam's calculated enough not to slip up often, but on the other, it makes for rather nice foreshadowing.

    ...Yeah, on second thought, I'll change it to would.

    Hee. I caught that nod to Bill's limitations this time around.

    I'm glad you did. It'll definitely be abused later.

    So much of what goes on between Adam and Bill runs on the basis that Bill is too tired and traumatized to resist, doesn't it?

    Pretty much. XD

    Also, I love how detailed your speculation is. It's always interesting to hear what you have to say about what the characters reveal about themselves and what this might mean for the future.

    I can safely say that the question about communication will definitely be addressed multiple times in the future (because it's actually going to be a pretty major plot point), and yep, Adam is a condescending bastard.

    I wonder if he's going to register how violently Abel died, and if he has a little residual pity from their first 'conversation'.

    Oh yeah. He will. ;D

    The next chapter will be up soon. Maybe tomorrow. Depends on how distracted by shiny objects I end up being again.
     
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