• Our software update is now concluded. You will need to reset your password to log in. In order to do this, you will have to click "Log in" in the top right corner and then "Forgot your password?".
  • Welcome to PokéCommunity! Register now and join one of the best fan communities on the 'net to talk Pokémon and more! We are not affiliated with The Pokémon Company or Nintendo.

[Pokémon] Go! Hikkikomori

Rune Alchemist

Magical Evil Role Player
349
Posts
12
Years
  • Disclaimer: Uena (and in this case, Rune Alchemist) does not own Pokemon, nor Pokemon Go.

    I do, however, own an English Shining Mewtwo Trading Card.


    Prologue: The Hikkikomori​


    Hikkikomori – A Japanese term used to refer to a reclusive person, a shut-in, a modern hermit, and is often associated with the term "NEET" (Not in Education, Employment, or Training)

    Hikkikomori isolate themselves from the harsh and demanding expectations of the outside world, shying away from social interactions and secluding themselves in their room/home, often 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

    This fits Akemi Hotaru, or better known as Velvet (ベッルベット ) in the internet, to a T. A Hikkikomori for two years and running, the 17 year old girl has pale skin that hasn't touched sunlight for more than an hour a month, dark eyebags from staring at a monitor all day in a dark room, and dull, apathetic eyes on where her bright, expressive eyes used to be.

    Five or so years ago, there used to be an energetic girl with waist-long violet hair, and ember-like eyes. The girl loved to run around and play with her friends, broke up fights between the children, and reached out to the shy kids for friendship. She was smart enough, always having a score above the class average, and though she isn't that athletic, she helped out the adults when she could.

    During her middle school years, she actively participated in the school activities, became the Vice-president of the student council, and was nominated for scholarship because of her dedication to studying. She was one of those people that any person wouldn't forget, because she would barge into your life and drag you kicking and screaming into her circle of friends.

    So it was with mix feelings did her friends and acquaintances bid her farewell as she left her hometown for her scholarship. Most, like her friends, are sad to see the girl that reached out to them leave, while others, like the adults, anticipated for the day when she returns to see the young girl become a successful woman with her life ahead of her.

    The girl smiled, waving her hand as she stood on the doors of the train, her reddish-brown eyes scanned the crowd and trying to memorize each and every face, making them almost dance like her namesake in the effort to keep tears from leaking.

    Even when the doors closed, even when the train rolled away, and even when her hometown vanished from her view, Akemi Hotaru didn't cry a single tear.

    It was the last day anyone from her hometown saw of the happy, friendly girl.

    Six months later, during a cold autumn night, Akemi Hana, Hotaru's mother and a baker, jolted awake when she heard the front doors of her house open. Rushing out of bed, she went down the stairs, ready to give the intruder a piece of her mind when she noticed who it is.

    It was her daughter, her once-long violet hair uneven, as if someone grabbed a handful of her hair and ran scissors through it. Her high school uniform looked dishevelled and the school emblem torn off her blazer. But what scared her the most, are the empty, almost-dead eyes of her daughter staring at the floor.

    Hesitantly, she approached her daughter, unsure if this was a hallucination of her loneliness, or if this is real.

    She didn't want this. Sure, it was lonely with both of her loved ones away from home, but if her daughter came home with this defeated look, she'd prefer her not seeing her, to witnessing the resigned and weary figure of her daughter.

    And that was the day that Hotaru became a Hikkikomori.

    Two years have passed since Hotaru returned home, her hair having grown back after all this time. It has lost its luster after having been mistreated, not that Hotaru would care. It's not like she would be going out in public.

    It's rare for her to come out of her room, and even rarer to step foot outside her house. So her interactions with her fellow human beings are limited to her mother, and through the bright screen of her laptop.

    Ding Dong

    Hotaru twitched, burying further into her sheets. It's still 2:00 PM, too early for anyone to be up and about. So with that, she tried to go back to sleep.

    It was not to be.

    Ding Dong

    "Mom!" Her voice, squeaky from disuse, came from her sheets. Content that her mother will answer the door, she drifted back into the warmth of her sheets. Only to be jerked awake by the insistent ringing of their doorbell.

    Ding Dong

    "Ugh…" The Hikkikomori moaned, shucking out of her bed. She picked up a black hoodie from the table, which was buried under empty ramen cups and snack wrappers. Putting it on, she trudged down the stairs, her heavy footsteps echoing around the empty house.

    She opened the door, shielding her eyes when the bright sunlight hit her face. She retreated back into the safety of the shade, taking time for her eyes to adjust, and looked out.

    At the gates, a young man in uniform and cap waved at her, holding a package and a clipboard. It seems like another delivery.

    When she orders stuff on the net, it's often her mother that accepts the packages for her, but having looked around the house when nobody answered the door, she's guessing that her mother left for work or an errand.

    What's strange though is that she doesn't remember buying anything that would arrive this week. So she was especially cautious around the delivery man.

    "Akemi residence?" He asked.

    She nodded, before answering. "Y-Yes."

    "You have a delivery from a…" He read the file. "A Mr. Akemi from Queens, America."

    "Ah, that's my father." She confirmed.

    "Good, I'll just have you sign this form here." He said, waving the clipboard.

    "Ah, um…" She hesitated. "C-Could you come closer?"

    "Eh? Well…" The man looked conflicted. He looked around, at the package, and finally at the girl. "If you insist."

    He opened the gate, carrying the package towards her. When he was in arm's reach, he handed the clipboard to the girl, whose arm snaked out of the door and snatched up the clipboard. After quickly signing it, she handed it back to the delivery man.

    "Okay… Ms. Akemi. Everything seems to be in order…" He read the file, before passing the package. "Oh, and Happy Birthday."

    Confused, she took the package and looked at it. Unlike the normal brown packaging, this one had a colorful label in the front, and written in large words is "Happy Birthday Homura"

    She returned to her room, staring at the package-gift from her father.

    It was… odd, to say the least. Her memories of her father were few and far in-between; he was always too busy working overseas, and the few times he did manage to go home, she was too busy with her studies when she… you know, still cared about them.

    Sighing, she opened it up to find a letter inside.

    "Dear Princess." She sighed, remembering the nickname her father gave her. 'Hotaru-hime'

    "You're turning 17 this year, and I'm sorry for not being there on this special day." She read. "Things have been busy in my work, but hopefully by next year, your mom and you can move to America with me, or I'll be able to go home for your 18th birthday. I'm proud of you for being a strong and smart girl." Hotaru nearly scoffed. "I bought something that would hopefully be helpful to you. It's really popular with the teens here, so I'm hoping you'd like it."

    She put down the letter, turning the package around in her hands, trying to guess what it is.

    "It's rectangular… Maybe a Figma?" She asked, before shaking her head. "No… If it's American Teens, it's probably make up." She remarked, remembering that one American movie she watched.

    She ripped it open, her brow raising as she saw what it was.

    "A… Phone?" She asked to herself, opening up the box. "No, a Smart Phone." She hummed, turning it on. The phone jingled a merry tune, displaying its makers logo and booting up. "Well, it's not like it'll see much use. I'm here all the time."

    Curious, she browsed the phone, noting that it already has applications installed, as well as already had the language set to both Japanese and English. Deciding that it wouldn't hurt, she decided to personalize it, changing the wallpaper, screen savers, and other settings.

    When she got to the contacts section of the phone, she sighed, dropping it into the bed.

    "Right… a phone." With the initial rush of having a new gadget gone, she remembered exactly what phones are. It's a means of remaining in contact with other people. But being a Hikkikomori, she has little use for it. Her own old phone was lost two years ago, and she didn't see the point of buying a new one. Besides, the Internet is a good way as any to keep in contact with others. The only people she'd even associate lately is the people in the forums she frequents.

    Standing up and deciding she won't be getting sleep any time soon, she turned on her PC, not seeing that the phone lighted up in response to having updated an application.

    "Pokemon Go! Has been updated."


    To be continued...

    Post Notes:

    I normally add Japanese honorifics to my story, especially if it's a dialogue that was meant to be between two people speaking in Japanese. I didn't in this case though.

    I've got a problem though. I know where this story starts and ends, but I don't know what to place in between. I'm torn between two ideas, either to let Hotaru journey with an OC, or with the Anime Cast. I could also think about writing it with the Game cast, but... I'm not sure.

    Any input or criticism is welcome, as long as they are creative.
     

    Miz en Scène

    Everybody's connected
    1,645
    Posts
    15
    Years
  • Maybe it's my inherent bias towards hikkikomori stories, but I think this has loads of potential to be something really interesting. For one thing, I quite like the mystery behind HomuraHotaru suddenly turning up out of the blue like that and the contrast between her middle-school and high-school self. It really sets up some very nice conflict for you to explore as you write further along the road, which is always interesting. The way you write her character is also quite spot on as to how a recluse might act, so I think you've got that down pat.

    On the other hand, if I may offer some critique, I think you could definitely improve your backstory for Hotaru. I'm going to go on a tangent to explain myself, but hopefully it'll be worth it:

    Hikkikomori syndrome (from what I understand) usually starts as a gradual descent into seclusion that originates from the extreme social expectations Japanese society places upon its youth in their transition to adulthood. One portrayal of this type of hikkikomori can be seen in Welcome to the NHK (written by an actual hikkikomori) and I think this is one of the more interesting portrayals. Another interesting portrayal of a hikkikomori, I think, is in AnoHana, where the retreat to isolation is caused by emotional trauma rather than the more subtle one of Welcome to the NHK.

    Anyway, sorry if I'm rambling, but the point I want to make is that your character, at a glance, seems to me to be a mix of these two types where I think you should pick with one type and stick with it. Why I think this is that your character has a backstory which makes me think she's very well-adjusted to life and society, her being VP and all, and that the reason she's become a hikki is because of some traumatic event that happened to her. The fact that she appears like she's been messed up physically pretty badly seems to support this. At the same time though, her appearance may very well be self-inflicted, which makes me think that she's the first type of hikki. She doesn't seem to be scared of people as much as she should be, if it were because of a traumatic event happening directly to her. I think this type of hikki wouldn't even bother to get the package because, well, they didn't order anything so it's not important to them.

    That said, I think perhaps you might want to revisit some of your backstory and general description regarding the type of hikki you might want. The slow-descent-into-seclusion hikki (the archetypical hikkikomori that is), generally doesn't have that type of backstory. On the other hand, the trauma hikki (especially trauma relating to the self) would be a bit more hesitant to approach people I think.

    Anyway, either way you decide to spin it, I have to say I do like the way the story's headed, so good luck with that, and I do hope to see more of this!

    And before I forget, some comments:
    "Happy Birthday Homura"
    Heh.
    I've got a problem though. I know where this story starts and ends, but I don't know what to place in between. I'm torn between two ideas, either to let Hotaru journey with an OC, or with the Anime Cast. I could also think about writing it with the Game cast, but... I'm not sure.
    I'm confused. Are you writing an OT fic (Original Trainer fic, meaning that your main character's going on a standard Pokémon journey) or a fic about Pokémon Go set in the human world? It seems like you were leaning more towards the latter from what I read of your fic, but I could be wrong.
    I normally add Japanese honorifics to my story, especially if it's a dialogue that was meant to be between two people speaking in Japanese. I didn't in this case though.
    This is my opinion, but I think you shouldn't. Honorifics add nuance to people well-versed in Japanese culture and social hierarchies, but they do nothing for people who aren't. In fact, I'd argue they're harmful for these latter groups because you might depend too much on honorifics to establish relationships and you might ignore more conventional ways of doing it—like through description. And if you do both ways, the writing just ends up feeling clunky and verbose.
     

    Rune Alchemist

    Magical Evil Role Player
    349
    Posts
    12
    Years
  • First, thank you for your input. I'll use them to improve this story.

    -Hikki Talk-

    Ah, that's my fault. I tried to show, not tell. But I keep forgetting that a Good Reader, does not make a Good Writer. So I keep forgetting that, just because I understood what happened behind Hotaru, that doesn't mean that the readers do too.

    I'll also blame my writing ability. Ah, well, I hope I don't make the same mistake.

    You're right though, Hotaru is what you call a Trauma Hikki. But I sometimes wonder if the backstory is enough justification for the breaking of such a strong character that Hotaru used to have.

    If it shows in my writing, then I guess I should strengthen Hotaru's Backstory, not only for the reader's sake, but for mine as well...


    There is a perfectly good explanation for this. Hotaru is Homura. I ran out of surnames to use after creating dozens of characters in my Girls und Panzer fanfic. Hotaru is a template character without a name, and I decided to use her in this story because it would be really interesting to see a Hikkikomori playing a "Get-out-and-Play" game.

    I got so backed up with characters, that I named one of the Chuuni characters Guan Yue.

    I don't want to use my family's or an acquaintance's family name.

    I'm confused. Are you writing an OT fic (Original Trainer fic, meaning that your main character's going on a standard Pokémon journey) or a fic about Pokémon Go set in the human world? It seems like you were leaning more towards the latter from what I read of your fic, but I could be wrong.
    It's supposed to be both.

    i.e. Going on a journey, as well as fighting against other Pokemon Go users over landmarks with real Pokemon.

    I... Can't write about Pokemon Go only about the real world... Because I'm really bad at Geography. (I used to think East was West, and that the Caribbean was somewhere in the Pacific.)

    If I were to go on a real Pokemon Journey, I'll get lost. (I almost got lost playing Pokemon Go)

    This is my opinion, but I think you shouldn't. Honorifics add nuance to people well-versed in Japanese culture and social hierarchies, but they do nothing for people who aren't. In fact, I'd argue they're harmful for these latter groups because you might depend too much on honorifics to establish relationships and you might ignore more conventional ways of doing it—like through description. And if you do both ways, the writing just ends up feeling clunky and verbose.
    And publishers share your opinion.

    Since this isn't professional, nor is it related to this story, I'll just say that it's my writing-style.
     
    Back
    Top