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Kingdom Hearts 2: The Other Way (PG-10+; Re-posted NOT Re-written)

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The Mega Champion

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  • Note: Don't worry. I wasn't lying. I'm still considering ending the fanfiction. 2 more chapters before the possible fanfiction "series finale."


    Chapter 143: Complete Darkness
    -------------------

    Rufus was the mayor of Twilight Town. Basically, Rufus was not only the mayor, the leader, of Twilight Town; he was the leader of the world in general. So, because of that, Rufus felt he had a responsibility to protect the world and prevent harm from affecting it. So, that's why Rufus was challenging the darkness, world destructive, obsessed, insane nut Nero. Rufus was also determined to prove that he was strong by defeating Nero. But, would Rufus' determination really allow him to defeat Nero? We may find out... right now...

    Que: "Messenger of the Dark" (Dirge of Cerberus: Final Fantasy 7)

    Nero disappeared then reappeared in front of Rufus. This made Rufus tense, because he couldn't believe it. But, he quickly shook it off. Nero then tried to attack Rufus with physical attacks!! Nero tried punches and kicks against Rufus. Rufus, though, was able to just move out of the way to dodge. But, Rufus had to do this for awhile, because Nero wouldn't quit. Rufus started backing up, but, still dodged the attacks. This also lasted for quite awhile. Eventually, Rufus got annoyed, and finally tried to attack Nero. Rufus attempted to attack Nero with a harsh smack from his EMB. But, Nero jumped back and was able to dodge it. Rufus became tense again, but, he was also angry and frustrated. Let's just hope Rufus wouldn't allow his emotion to get the better of him.

    Nero now started truly using his guns. Nero pointed both guns at Rufus, took aim, and fired!! But, Rufus wasn't a fool, so, he started running. Specifically, Rufus started running in counterclockwise circles, but, it worked, because Rufus was dodging Nero's shots!! Unfortunately, Rufus, once again, had to do this for quite a long time, because Nero wasn't stopping. Once again, eventually, Rufus got annoyed, so, he tried something. Rufus dashed toward Nero in a zigzag pattern to dodge the shots which worked. When Rufus was right in front of Nero, Rufus tried to attack Nero with a ground smacking combo with his EMB!! But, Nero easily dodged the attacks by moving out of the way!! This also lasted awhile, but, Nero kept dodging. Eventually, Nero jumped into the air and stopped!! Nero was levitating in the air!! This made Rufus tense again.

    Now, Nero started shooting at Rufus again!! It was aerial shooting!! But, Rufus was able to dodge it again by running in his counterclockwise circles again. But, once again, Rufus had to run in his circles for quite awhile, because Nero wouldn't quit. After awhile, Rufus tried dashing towards Nero again in a zigzag, but this time, once Rufus got close enough, Rufus tried jumped and doing aerial smacking attacks with his EMB. Unfortunately, Nero was able to easily dodge them again by moving out of the way of the attacks. But, Rufus couldn't do the aerial attacks forever, and eventually, Rufus landed back on the ground. Nero laughed and smirked evilly. What was he going to do now?!

    Nero was still levitating in the air, but now, Nero was disappearing and reappearing in random places, shooting at Rufus!! Rufus was obviously shocked at this as he was tense again, but, Rufus couldn't do anything. Rufus couldn't predict where Nero was going to appear, Rufus tried his best to dodge a few shots, and, although he did dodge a few shots, Rufus was now being hit by the shots!! Even worse, this also lasted for quite some time, which meant Rufus was getting hit by several shots. Eventually, Rufus fell to the ground on his right knee. His right knee was on the ground, while his left knee was in front of him. Nero landed in front of Rufus. Now what?!

    End Music

    "Give up. You can't win. There's no way you can defeat me" suggested Nero.

    Rufus looked at Nero very angrily, but then, all of a sudden, Rufus looked down at the ground with a no emotion look. Then, without looking at Nero, Rufus spoke to him.

    "No. I'm the leader of this world. I WILL protect it from harm" declared Rufus.

    Then, before Nero could say anything in response, Rufus struck Nero with a horizontal left to right smack with his EMB that sent Nero sliding backward and sent a really intense shock throughout Nero's body. This only angered Nero, but, Nero was also tense and couldn't believe what happened!!

    Rufus wasn't done yet. In fact, Rufus was far from done. Rufus' determination also seemed to increase, somehow making him stronger. Rufus was determined, very persistent, and wouldn't give up until he defeated Nero. Would Rufus be able to defeat Nero now? Only time will tell...

    P.S.: Hmm...............................................
     

    The Mega Champion

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  • Note: Well... the fight between Rufus and Nero ends today. Who will win? Read and find out. ^_^'


    Chapter 144: Shocking Ending!!
    -------------------

    Rufus was being very persistent. He already struck Nero, forcing him to slide backward, and sending a massive electric shock throughout his entire body. This made Nero tense, as he couldn't believe what just occurred, but, it also made him angry. Rufus refused to quit, he refused to give up. Rufus wouldn't stop until he found a way to defeat Nero. Rufus would act like the leader of the world, Twilight Town, and protect it from harm. With Rufus' increased persistency and determination, could he finally defeat Nero? We'll see...

    Que: "Deep Anxiety" (Kingdom Hearts 2: Final Mix +)

    Once again, Nero immediately dashed toward Rufus. But, Rufus seemed unaffected, he had the most serious expression on his face that he's ever had. Nero started the same way as the beginning of the fight, with physical combos, as he tried to punch and kick Rufus. But, Rufus dodged the attacks easily!! Rufus moved backwards, but also moved out of the way of the attacks. Nero couldn't believe it as he was tense. Eventually, Rufus sidestepped another attack, leaving Nero wide open for attack, and also making Nero tense. Rufus then started a combo against Nero! Finally!! Rufus attacked Nero with harsh ground whacking combos that were made more intense by the electric shocks from Rufus' EMB. Rufus kept the ground combos going for quite awhile, until, Rufus forced Nero into the air with an underhand backward slash. Rufus followed Nero into the air and continued the combos with harsh aerial slashing combos that were also made more intense with the electric shocks. Eventually, Rufus ended the combos with an overhand forward slash that forced Nero to hit the ground and he hit it hard.

    Nero jumped up and was tense again. Nero pointed both guns at Rufus again and tried to shoot him, but, Rufus just ran in counterclockwise circles again to dodge the shots easily. Rufus ran in these circles for awhile as Nero kept shooting at him, but eventually, Rufus quickly zigzag dashed toward Nero, and before Nero knew it, Rufus was right in front of him, making Nero tense again. Rufus then did the same combos he did before for the same amount of time. The combos also ended the same, which forced Nero to hit the ground hard again.

    Nero jumped up, then, jumped into the air and levitated. Rufus became more serious now. Nero shot at Rufus again, but again, Rufus just ran in counterclockwise circles to dodge it. Rufus, once again, ran in the circles for awhile. Eventually, Rufus quickly zigzag dashed toward Nero, then, he quickly jumped into the air, surprising Nero. Rufus did his same aerial combos, but, Rufus had them last as long as his other combos. But, Rufus still ended the combos the same way he did before, forcing Nero to hit the ground hard again.

    Nero quickly jumped up and jumped into the air again and levitated. Rufus knew what was coming next, and it wasn't good. Nero smirked evilly. Nero disappeared and reappeared throughout the area, shooting at Rufus. Somehow, Nero seemed to be going faster, making the attack more intense; not good. Rufus truly tried to dodge the shots, but, only dodged a few, as several more shots him, hurting him badly. This was a bad attack, Rufus had to think of a way to stop the attack, or it would be over for him. Rufus wasn't sure what to do at first, but then, realized something. Rufus seemed to realize that even though Nero seemed to reappear in random locations, he had to reappear in front of Rufus eventually, so, Rufus prepared for something and just waited. Eventually, Rufus was right. Nero reappeared in front of Rufus, and, before Nero knew it, Rufus threw his EMB at Nero, and it hit him! When it did, a massive shock was sent throughout Nero's body again, hurting him badly. It forced Nero to land on the ground, where he was met with Rufus, who already picked up his EMB again. Rufus didn't let up, and gave no mercy, as he attacked Nero with his same combos, for the same amount of time, ending the same as well. This, of course, forced Nero to hit the ground hard again. Then, Rufus simply touched Nero with the tip of his EMB and hit a red button on the bottom of the handle of the EMB. This sent a massive electric shock throughout Nero. Nero even screamed out in pain!! Eventually, Rufus stopped and Nero fell face first onto the ground, unconscious. Nero was then engulfed in darkness and disappeared, for good this time. Rufus had a satisfied look on his face. Rufus just defeated Nero!!

    End Music

    The mayor's aid then ran into Sunset Hill, the stopped, the mayor's aid saw what happened at the end of the fight, which made him tense.

    "Wh... What happened?!" gasped the mayor's aid.

    Rufus did not turn around to look at his aid and respond. Rufus just smiled and responded.

    "I acted like a leader for once, and protected this world from harm. That's what happened" answered Rufus.

    The mayor's aid just then looked at Rufus nonchalantly, but, he was still tense.

    A shocking ending, literally, as Rufus defeated Nero. But, was it truly over? Was Twilight Town safe? Are all of the incidents finally over? Or was there still more to come? One thing's for sure. Everyone's hoping that everything is finallyover and that Twilight Town was now safe. At least for the time being. But, is it? Is everything finally over? Only time will tell...

    P.S.: One more chapter possibly left of this fanfiction.... but.... I really won't tell you if I'm ending the fanfiction or not until next week. ^_^'
     

    The Mega Champion

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  • Note: Yup. No lies. Fanfiction series finale. The last chapter. I can't believe it's ending..................


    Chapter 145: Tranquility
    -------------------

    It's only been two days since Rufus defeated Nero, but, everything in Twilight Town seemed tranquil, calm, serene, and undisturbed. Even Hayner, the strongest person in Twilight Town, felt that Twilight Town was now truly peaceful for good. At least until the next "Kingdom Hearts" incident that is. Which is why Hayner, Pence, and Olette were just relaxing in the usual spot with no care in the world. But, of course, they were conversing as well, reflecting on everything that has happened and looking forward to the peaceful future.

    "So... Hayner... what do you think? Is it over? Is everything finally over? Is Twilight Town finally at peace?" asked Pence

    "Well... I haven't been getting any weird feelings, so, yeah, I think it is, at last" replied Hayner

    "Good!! That means we can finally relax!!" exclaimed Olette.

    Pence turned and looked toward Olette.

    "Not necessarily, Olette. You're forgetting something" informed Pence

    "Huh? What? What did I forget?" asked Olette

    "School! It'll start back up again soon, I'm sure" answered Pence

    Olette just glared at Pence and sweatdropped

    "Oh" remarked Olette.

    Hayner and Pence just laughed.

    Seifer, Rai, and Fuu were in the sandlot, talking about everything as well.

    "Hayner, Hayner, Hayner!! It's always about Hayner!! Why does he get to do everything?! He should let everyone else get their chance to shine, too!!" declared Seifer, but, before Rai and Fuu could say anything, Seifer became more serious and continued.

    "But, then again, Hayner is the strongest person in Twilight Town. Oh well. It doesn't matter. What matters is that all of this crap is over. I'm sure it's only over for the moment, though. So, whenever the next incident occurs, we'll finally get our chance to shine" realized Seifer

    "Yeah! We'll prove ourselves next time, ya know?" remarked Rai

    "Underestimation!!" stated Fuu

    "Right. We won't allow ourselves to be underestimated any longer!! We'll get rid of our underestimation!! Just like Tails will, eventually" declared Seifer

    Zell, Cait, and Vivi were together as well, conversing about everything, too.

    "Finally!! All of these incidents are over!! We can finally relax for once!!" shouted Zell

    "True. It's good tha' it's finally over, but, unfortunately, I think it's only temporary" informed Cait.

    Zell and Vivi looked over at Cait seriously.

    "What?! You've got to be kidding me!! Man!!" complained Zell.

    Vivi ignored Zell.

    "What do you mean Cait?" asked Vivi

    "Well... every time peace occurs, it's only temporary" started Cait "But, what I mean is, it'll be peaceful again until the next incident occurs. Whether it be the next Kingdom Hearts incident, or somethin' else"

    "I see, well, we should just enjoy it while it lasts, but, I feel as though it'll last quite awhile" informed Vivi

    "Yeah, I was about to say that" remarked Cait.

    Zell sighed.

    "Yeah well, school will probably start back up soon as well, so, that'll probably tide us over until the next incident" informed Zell

    "Yeah, probably" remarked Vivi.

    Setzer was on top of Sunset Hill at the guardrail looking over the railroad tracks. A train passed by underneath the bridge, uneffecting Setzer. He was deep in thought.

    "Well, it finally seems like Twilight Town is at permanent peace again, once again thanks to Hayner. But, it's probably only temporary until the next incident occurs. But, whatever, we'll handle it when they time comes. This world will always have incidents, but, as long as we have strong people here, like Hayner, it'll never be destroyed. This world will NEVER fall to the darkness. We'll make sure of that" thought Setzer

    Speaking of the teacher, Cecil, Quistis, Amarant, and the other Twilight Town school teachers we're in their meeting room. Cecil stood up and began the meeting with an announcement.

    "It's over. At last, all of these incidents are over. I know because I haven't sensed anything." announced Cecil.

    The rest of the teachers, including Quistis and Amarant, gave a unanimous sight of relief.

    "Finally!!" yelled Amarant

    "Yes, this is good news" remarked Quistis.

    "Okay, so, Principal Cecil, does this mean that..." started another teacher, but, Cecil interrupted them

    "Yes, it means we can finally start school again soon" announced Cecil

    "It was unfortunate, but, we didn't want to put the students into any danger" reminded Amarant

    "Right. School was supposed to start back up right around when we received those weird creature reports. But, once we received those reports, we postponed the start of school because, like Amarant said, we did not want to put the students into any danger" remarked Quistis

    "Correct. But, the question now is, when do we start school?" informed Amarant

    Cecil just smiled.

    "Easy. We'll give them one more week of rest, then, start school again" suggested Cecil.

    It was unanimous. All the teachers nodded in agreement. The students would receive one more week of rest, then, school would finally start again.

    Vincent and Freya were in the alleyway of the Northern Area. They were conversing about everything as well.

    "Finally, this place is peaceful again" remarked Freya

    "Yeah, thanks to Hayner again" replied Vincent

    Freya chuckled.

    "That guy never ceases to surprise me" informed Freya

    "True, but no one can help but like him" remarked Vincent.

    Freya laughed

    "Ha! I guess that's true!!" replied Freya

    "I guess that means we're no longer needed her since this world is finally peaceful again" realized Vincent.

    Freya became serious, but, said nothing, so Vincent continued

    "By the way, Freya, didn't you come here looking for a friend?" asked Vincent

    "Maybe. Didn't you come here to destroy a monster?" asked Freya.

    Vincent did not respond, became serious, and changed the subject.

    "I think I know why this world is effected by so many incidents" informed Vincent.

    Freya smirked.

    "Yeah, it's obvious. This is an in-between world. Twilight Town is smack dab in between light and darkness" remarked Freya.

    Vincent smirked now as well.

    "I see. So you've realized it, too" realized Vincent

    "Of course" remarked Freya, but then, she continued. "I don't know where my friend it, but, I can't just leave this place knowing it's an in between world. A world falling to darkness... it's a horrible sight. I won't let it happen to this world. I'll protect it. I won't allow Twilight Town to fall to darkness" declared Freya.

    Vincent looked downward, but then, smiled!!

    "I see, well, don't worry. I feel the same way" announced Vincent.

    This made Freya tense, for a moment, but then, smiled as well. No way... Vincent and Freya have decided to stay in Twilight Town?! That... may actually... not be a bad thing...

    Rufus was sitting at his desk in his office with his aid standing in front of him and in front of his desk. They were conversing as well.

    "Everything's over... isn't it air?" asked the mayor's aid

    "What do you think?" asked Rufus

    "Of course..." started the mayor's aid "But... what about the school?"

    "What about it? Don't worry about them. I trust the teacher's to make a good decision as to when to start school. Cecil knows what he's doing. Why do you think he was hired as the principal?" asked Rufus

    "Okay, but, Vincent and Freya haven't left yet" informed the mayor's aid

    "If they want to stay, let them stay" replied Rufus

    "But sir--!" started the mayor's aid, but Rufus interrupted him.

    "No buts!! Besides, that means more help whenever the next incident occurs" informed Rufus.

    The mayor's aid sighed

    "I guess that's true" remarked the mayor's aid.

    Twilight Town tranquility. Everything was finally at peace. Who knows when the next incident will occur? But, everyone will be ready for it. With Vincent and Freya staying in Twilight Town, though, they'll get more help in getting rid of the incident. But, if nothing happens until the next "Kingdom Hearts" incident, fine by them, it just meant more rest. It wouldn't matter who, or what, it was. No one in Twilight Town will allow anyone or anything effect it, destroy it, or make it fall to the darkness. The Other Way of destroying Heartless and Nobodies is simple. With determination, persistency, and teamwork. Plus, getting weapons like the Dream Weapons doesn't hurt either. But, what matters, is that Twilight Town is finally at peace. That is... until the next incident occurs. But when that incident occurs, Twilight Town will be ready for it, no matter what the incident is. They'll be ready to protect their home world, once again.

    The End... (?)

    P.S.: I'll be honest with you... I, originally, did plan on a Part 4 of this fanfiction. But, well, it was a two-fanfiction crossover with one of my other fanfictions. Let's just say... that I realized that was a stupid idea. I may keep the idea of part 4, though, and just implement it KH3: The Other Way when I write it. Yes... I'm making a sequel, but don't worry, from the title, I bet you can guess I won't write it until AFTER Kingdom Hearts 3 comes out, I play it, and I beat it. But... until then... that's it for this fanfiction. I knew my original Part 4 idea was stupid, so, that's why I ended it here. I guess that's a good thing..........

    P.P.S: So? What did you think? Overall... was it at least an okay/decent fanfic?

    Attention PokeCommunity mods: I know you're licking your lips to close this thread for "not applying to the rules." Well... go ahead. It doesn't matter. Why? Because I just completed the fanfiction, that's why.
     

    Ninja Caterpie

    AAAAAAAAAAAAA
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  • Attention PokeCommunity mods: I know you're licking your lips to close this thread for "not applying to the rules." Well... go ahead. It doesn't matter. Why? Because I just completed the fanfiction, that's why.
    That was just dumb. If they've left it open here for this long, then it's not going to get closed without something like that. :\

    And you didn't fix up what I told you last time. You still haven't used pronouns much!
     

    Alter Ego

    that evil mod from hell
    5,751
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    Years
  • Note: Yup. No lies. Fanfiction series finale. The last chapter. I can't believe it's ending..................

    Que: 'Bing bong the witch is dead'

    P.P.S: So? What did you think? Overall... was it at least an okay/decent fanfic?

    I'm going to make my answer to this one short and sweet.

    No.

    If there is one thing that I can safely say about all of this it's that it's not good fanfiction, decent fanfiction, or even passable fanfiction. You've been at this for 145 chapters and there is no sign of improvement in your writing ability anywhere. Your battle scenes are similar to the point where they could be generated by a simple randomizer algorithm, an honorary mention going to the legendary sidestep that is apparently a sure-fire way of avoiding anything and everything coming your way. Maybe if Cecil had sidestepped a bit more, Shadow wouldn't have kicked his butt so badly. Running around in a circle is also a great opening move apparently. Your characters are also largely out of character with their official representations, including - but not restricted to - a Vincent who actually gives compliments, a whooping-with-joy Amarant, and a Hayner who may as well be a God incarnate for all practical purposes and has apparently developed the ability to pull out a sword from a plothole. With the exception of Hayner and your basic, black and white good guy/bad guy division (with its own WTF moments like Sonic), most of them are also completely interchangable with each other because characterization is basically non-existent and what little dialog you have provided is highly generic and impersonal. Comparative power levels are also happily ignored to hand Hayner a certified victory each and every time and pretty much remove any traces of excitement that might have been left behind in the battles.

    And speaking of plotholes...I wish I could say that you have them, because that would indicate the presence of a coherent plotline. But alas, your 'story' is nothing more than a chain of nonsensical conflicts involving characters who are lumped together in the same place and decide to hold a struggle tournament out of all things for no adequately explored reason. Your description comes in ridiculous chunks in some places and is horribly inadequate in others, and you do a ridiculous amount of the tell over the show, which is a big fanfiction no-no.

    Also, I'm not sure what punctuation system you apply for your writing, but it's most certainly not the English one. Your use of commas and full stops is highly resemblant of your battle scenes - ergo, what you'd expect to see if a randomizing algorithm was assigned to distribute them - and your abuse of exclamation marks is downright painful at times, making this story as horrible linguistically as it is narratively.

    All of this, however, is overshadowed by the most blatant flaw in this entire enterprise: your attitude. Throughout this entire fic (and indeed, every writing-related endeavor here on PC) you have plowed through with the default assumption that you are a writing god and that your work is flawless and beyond criticism. Every piece of criticism and improvement suggestion, no matter how kindly and constructively phrased, you have blatantly ignored, heaping flame and crap on the people who tried to help you turn this syntactic swill into decent fanfiction. As long as you maintain that ridiculous shell of self-contentment, you will never improve as a writer and your writing will never be used as anything but a frightening example of fanfiction gone horribly wrong (which, incidentally, is where most of your thread views come from, the ones you didn't generate by frequently clicking over to the thread yourself). This entire fanfic is my evidence for this, and that is sad. I would say I pity you (which I'm pretty sure my fellow staffers do as they actually left this open), but your infantile attitude, complete disrespect for reviewers and the certain knowledge I have that you are going to add me to your list of 'complainers' after reading this (if you even bothered to read this far) pretty much shut that option out. And no, I did not go through the trouble of amassing the helpful advice that a good review would entail as there is plentiful evidence that you do not care for such things and so I do not see wasting hours of my life as worth it. You have been given plenty to work with but chose not to work with any of it.

    All I can say is that I hope you grow up soon.
     
    Last edited:

    The Mega Champion

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  • ^^^I'd LOVE to get into a flame war with you... but... I don't have the time. It's OVER. So...... PLEASE LEAVE MY FANFICTION ALONE.

    You have no idea how immature you are acting by responding to my fanfiction with the way you just responded.

    Or........ do you?

    Nevermind. If I offended you, I'm sorry. I don't have time to be banned, either.
     
    17,600
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    • Seen Apr 21, 2024
    ^^^ I didn't prove ****.

    JUST LEAVE IT ALONE. Please?

    You're asking people to leave this fic alone, yet... in your last post in this series of walls of text, you say:

    P.P.S: So? What did you think? Overall... was it at least an okay/decent fanfic?

    Which asks us, the Community, what we think of this fanfiction of Pokémon meet Kingdom Hearts and I have to say, you're being extremely obnoxious by ignoring every tip thrown at you and continuing your behemoth rampage of senseless anger. You know by posting this publicly you're going to get feedback of people who both dislike your fiction and who like it. That's just the way it is. Nobody is going to leave that fact alone and asking them to is just a mistake on your part. And I can only assume your response will be full of caps and possibly another curse word thrown in there asking me to leave it alone as well, stating that you don't want to cause a flame war when you've already done just that all on your own. Seems more like just a burning of this section than one with others, though. So,.. yeah.

    How did I feel about this? I was only pointed out to this fanfiction by some of my friends and I've only read a few chapters of it, and I must say... wow. It's certainly interesting. But I have to say, I stopped about... 1/4th of the way in every post I read being unable to bear any longer. I've read through the majority of this thread and noticed others have offered their suggestions as well, yet you ignored them. There is a reason they are offering their criticism to your fanfiction and it's a shame you don't realize that they are trying to help you. I'm sorry to tell you this, but nobody is going to, nor can they, hold your hand online. Especially when you're posting your own content for the world to see. Like I said, that's just not how it works.

    I strongly recommend you review what everyone has told you and attempt a new fanfiction doing what people suggest. Review your own work before you post it to the public. Ask friends of yours to read it. Ask a few people you haven't spoken to on a friendly basis (those are the most likely to tell you the truth of your content). You have to be able to respect their views on it, reflect on their words, and take action. Writers don't get famous for ignoring the public demands. The majority of them depend on the public in order to be successful and that's what you have to do. Though you may argue with my responding, it was an important point that I personally wanted to get across since many others have tried. Though I'm sure this will be a failed attempt, it was worth it. Just don't be so headstrong and re-read this post, as well as the others, at a future date and do that with an open mind.

    Bottom line: We aren't here to trash your fanfiction. We're here to help you. It's as simple as that. If you are too ignorant (that means not knowing, in case you don't know) to realize that, you need to grow up and act your age.
     

    Zet

    7,690
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  • I gotta say, that mixing both kingdom hearts and nintendo wasn't the best of ideas, more importantly if this is a re-post of your fanfic, what happened to chapters 1-27? you kinda just left this hole to the start as in whats happening and your chapters were short and to the point. Usually it's good to leave cliff hangers in some chapters to keep the readers on the edge waiting to see the next chapter. I do admit this has potential, but you need to ask yourself "how can I make this better?" and at times I just found it a chore to read some of your chapters so I had to start speed reading until I couldn't be bothered any more to read.

    You do have room to increase your writing skills but personally I think it's best if it isn't game related stuff since then you'll be getting no where with just to the point chapters which will be short. Take a long look at other peoples fanfics that aren't so short when it comes to chapters, see how they made them longer but adding more detail and making the quality better for readers to stay reading and can't wait for the next chapter to be released.

    As for seeing the fighting you tried to start with Alter Ego, that was just childish that you couldn't accept the c&c, people need criticism to go further and advance their skills(as well as comments of course)
     

    Alter Ego

    that evil mod from hell
    5,751
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  • Because when I originally posted it, it was closed for stupid reasons.

    Well, if you had actually read what you were linked to back then instead of disregarding it:

    Your thread might result closed if it doesn't meet at least these 4 basic factors!
    Plot
    You've got to have a good plot. The plot is basically the story of your fic; a formation of incidents that gradually take shape throughout the write. Your plot should not be predictable. Deviate from the norm, because otherwise you won't progress. A predictable plot can result in something boring and monotone. It's always good to innovate; as long as you don't do it blatantly and recklessly. Nevertheless, if you try to be too unpredictable it might result confusing. It's always recommended to keep realism.
    Your plotline is vague and confusing to say the least. A lot of the time, it's just battle scenes that don't actually create any development in plot or characters and even in the end it just feels like nothing was really ever explained.

    Flow
    Your story has to flow. This is crucial if you want people to wholly understand your plot. Chapters should not be too irregular. Try not to make them sloppy or short; elaborate on the dialogues and descriptions. The reader should understand both of these if you keep them clear and evenly paced. Keep a coherent continuity on the plot, and don't succumb to the desire of rushing an event. In fan fictions, characters should stay similar to their established behavior and their attitudes should not be drastically twisted.
    This encloses dialogue too.

    A lot of your chapters look hastily written (lack of description, glaring grammatical errors, copy-paste like approaches in the battle chapters etc.), and plot continuity is weak at best. You were also posting several chapters a day at times, unless I'm much mistaken, and that's just not enough time spent on the individual chapters, no matter how you slice it.
    Mechanics (grammar, spelling, etc.)
    Your story should be readable. The reader has to be presented with a clean array of words and proper punctuation. Otherwise, the meaning of words can be misunderstood or completely disregarded by the reader. You have to keep proper grammar in a good story to formulate ideas. Verb agreement is required for this, as well as proper tense use. You can really confuse readers if you wander away from a continuing verb tense.
    Bad spelling may interfere with the desired meaning of a word, and thus create confusion on interpretation.

    You have grammar and spelling errors all over the place. Misuse of commas, full stops, and particularly ellipsis and exclamation marks, a lot of typos scattered throughout etc. This, alongside the lack of description and glaring similarities, is a major contributing factor to why your chapters look rushed. A simple spelling check and some elementary-level grammar would already have done this a world of good, which - again - leads me to believe that you didn't even re-read your chapters before posting.

    Description
    Your story has to have good description. You want people to picture its events as clearly as possible! Elaborate on details, mention characteristics of the environment; describe factions, faces, looks; compare reactions, portray the panorama with as much detailing as possible to achieve good imagery.

    You have next to no description in your fanfic. 95% is pure telling and about 5 showing something; it should be closer to the opposite.


    Again, the rules warn you, in eye-catching red text, that failing to meet even one of these criteria may result in your thread being locked. Your fic has some serious shortcomings on all four points. You were told, in some detail, that this level of writing was not up to standard in thread for your pokémon crossover fic prior to it getting locked, but you chose to disregard these comments and just plow on with the exact same style. I should think that a thread lock is the obvious consequence. :\
     
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    Oh dear gods.

    I'm not going to say anymore. I'm just going to close the fic ('bout time I did so, as well) for the reasons Alter Ego stated in the post above mine, and move on.
     
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