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[Pokémon] Ballad of a Renegade: A Platinum Story

5
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7
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  • Giratina.full.1010057.jpg

    Ballad of a Renegade
    A Platinum Story

    Prologue

    For a while all I could see was black. My eyes weren't closed, but I couldn't see anything. There was no sound. The air was frigid, that much I knew. Slowly, my vision would clear up, although my confusion did not. It seemed like I was in another world. Massive rocks and small land masses floated around me, dipping up and down in their suspended states. Other than that, there was just this vast emptiness that seemed to go on forever and ever. I wasn't quite sure what to make of it all.

    I tried to move forward but couldn't. I couldn't even look down. It took me a moment, but I realized that I wasn't even controlling myself. If this was a dream like it appeared to be, why couldn't I control myself? I only got more confused. As I tried to make sense of what was going on, I heard a loud cry. A powerful roar that was somehow shrill and guttural at the same time. Not only that, but it seemed to be emanating from… me.

    GRIYAAAAA

    ***

    BRRRMMMM

    I jolted awake to the sound of the S.S. Sinnoh's horn. I groaned, but this was just what I'd wanted. I looked at my watch to find that it was around the arrival time to Canalave City. Fatigue had overcome me the night before, and all I could hope was that the horn would wake me up when we arrived. Not only had that worked out, but I hadn't been caught during my rest. Things were going smoothly so far. Although that dream had me feeling all kinds of weird. Not only had the sensations felt so real, but the memory was still vivid in my mind. By now I would have forgotten most details of a dream, like most people. But I still remember the environment in full detail. The floating earth… All that emptiness… That roar... What did it mean?

    I tried to not let it get to me right now. There were more important things to worry about, like making sure I got off this boat before it took off again. I picked up my little knapsack of things and creaked open the rusted door of the abandoned broom closet I had holed up in during my little stay. Seeing no one in the hallway the closet opened to, I made a break for the stairs. I clammered my way up until I was on the main deck and sighed in relief. None of the staff had seen me. Excellent. All I had to do now was blend in with the departing crowd. I tipped my cap down and kept my head low, becoming one with the wave of bodies.
    This would've been the perfect time to snag some crap off the people brushing past me, but I decided against it. If something went wrong, it wouldn't be fun trying to get through all these people. If I got made as a thief, it wouldn't take long to figure out I was a stowaway too. I couldn't blow it all now. Not this close to the finish line.

    Sneaking onto the boat was tough, but getting off of it was a piece of cake. There was much less security here than there was for boarding, and the officer barely glanced at my fake pass before waving me on to Canalave City. I continued on the dock until I made it to a stone walkway. Damn it felt good to be back on land. I mentally pumped my fist in the air in victory.

    I'd made it to Sinnoh.

    ---

    Author's Note: Hey there guys! This is my first published writing project, so I could really use some feedback! Please don't hold back, but be constructive! Anyways, this is Ballad of a Renegade. Thanks for reading :)
     
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  • Just want to say that a ballad is a song and not a story. Other than that, the first couple of paragraphs did pique my interest. Take this digital cookie as a sign of my appreciation of your good syntax and imagery :D Can't say much else though because the narrator's only stepping off of a boat, but you can't always expect a huge splash in a prologue. I liked the little details like the narrator hiding in a broom closet and flashing a fake pass - a stowaway, I'm assuming.
     
    5
    Posts
    7
    Years
  • Just want to say that a ballad is a song and not a story. Other than that, the first couple of paragraphs did pique my interest. Take this digital cookie as a sign of my appreciation of your good syntax and imagery :D Can't say much else though because the narrator's only stepping off of a boat, but you can't always expect a huge splash in a prologue. I liked the little details like the narrator hiding in a broom closet and flashing a fake pass - a stowaway, I'm assuming.

    Don't worry I know what ballad means :P

    But thank you! I know it's not a lot just yet, but that will change! I kinda just wanted to get a read on my pacing, grammar, etc.

    I really appreciate the kind words :)
     
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