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The Lonely Lump

Klippy

Klippy

L E G E N D of
    • 16,390
    Posts
    19
    Years
    Beaten, battered
    Worn and tattered,
    Sits the lonely lump

    His fur abraded
    Colors faded,
    Sits the lonely lump

    His cotton gushing
    Cheeks still blushing,
    Sits the lonely lump

    His boys run by
    With planes that fly,
    And ignore the lonely lump

    These new toys
    Distract the boys,
    From the lonely lump

    They used to play
    with him all day,
    remembers the lonely lump

    He watched their knowledge
    send them to college,
    goodbye to the lonely lump

    And so their mother,
    With a flutter,
    Picked up the lonely lump

    A screaming girl
    With yellow curls
    Grabbed hold of our lonely lump

    She hugged and squeezed him,
    How it appeased him,
    Where are you taking our lump?

    She named him Peter,
    A new love to feed her,
    Please don't take our lump!

    Her father stitched him
    And he fixed him,
    A brand new lonely lump

    No rip, no tear
    A happy bear
    No longer a lonely lump.

    --

    Yeah so, this is my first poem in awhile. XD;

    Some constructive C/C would be nice.
     
    Last edited:
    ^w^ Lump's a cute word~
    A Lonely Lump's an even cuter word. xD

    <3 hehe, it was darling, and just made me feel all warm and fuzzly~ ^-^
    I loved the description and the repetition. Also your style for sure.
    It was such a pretty piece of writing. n_n All of your writing's gorgeous though~

    I really wanted to give you something constructive, or else my reply's pointless, but... I can't think of anything D8 it was too cute~

    I'll just point out what I liked alots. x3

    I really liked the intro and the ending. With the "Lonely Lump"
    I like how you still referred to him as being lonely, even after it was fixed. Because even the kiddos here, turn their cheek after about five minutes of playing with their brand new toy! They never even seem to remember it's there until it's gone~ So, in the end, it was still lonesome. Heh, I don't know if you meant anything like that, but that's the meaning I got from it. And I liked it. And it was true.

    The "Cotton gushing,
    Cheeks still blushing"
    part was my favorite, because... it started to sound like a stuffed toy~

    Awwe, I liked the rhyming too, and the mystery of the lump until it reached the end. It was a very cute way to introduce it~
    Wonderfully cute piece.

    I always like to read your stuff <3
    even if you haven't heard from me til now. D:
     
    Midori Chi said:
    It was very well written and very cute. : 3 I was very connected with it.
    Click to expand...

    Thank you very much! :D

    MiSs~KoN said:
    ^w^ Lump's a cute word~
    A Lonely Lump's an even cuter word. xD
    Click to expand...

    I don't even know how I came up with that. XD; I was reading a war poem and I got the "Beaten, battered" from it and it just clicked in my head.

    <3 hehe, it was darling, and just made me feel all warm and fuzzly~ ^-^
    I loved the description and the repetition. Also your style for sure.
    It was such a pretty piece of writing. n_n All of your writing's gorgeous though~
    Click to expand...

    I'm glad. XD; Thanks, I wasn't sure if it would sound good with the "lonely lump" at the end of each stanza.

    That makes me feel awfully good. XD; Thank you~

    I really wanted to give you something constructive, or else my reply's pointless, but... I can't think of anything D8 it was too cute~
    Click to expand...

    That's alright, all these nice comments make up for it. XD

    I'll just point out what I liked alots. x3

    I really liked the intro and the ending. With the "Lonely Lump"
    I like how you still referred to him as being lonely, even after it was fixed. Because even the kiddos here, turn their cheek after about five minutes of playing with their brand new toy! They never even seem to remember it's there until it's gone~ So, in the end, it was still lonesome. Heh, I don't know if you meant anything like that, but that's the meaning I got from it. And I liked it. And it was true.
    Click to expand...

    Yes~ I'm glad you got the meaning behind it. <3 Except, in the end, he was happy to have a new owner. :x

    The "Cotton gushing,
    Cheeks still blushing"
    part was my favorite, because... it started to sound like a stuffed toy~
    Click to expand...

    XD; I wasn't sure if people would get it was a toy until the "Boys/planes" part.

    Awwe, I liked the rhyming too, and the mystery of the lump until it reached the end. It was a very cute way to introduce it~
    Wonderfully cute piece.

    I always like to read your stuff <3
    even if you haven't heard from me til now. D:[/QUOTE]

    Thank you. :DDD

    And, thank you, I'm glad someone enjoys what I write. XD I'll be sure to post more!
     
    My childhood bear was named Peter. I've been neglecting him so long. ;__; Hah, so yeah, I had an immediate connection to this poem. The assonance managed to work, without becoming repetitive. Well done~ :'D
     
    Wow, i like this. I like the ambiguity of the lonely lump, I for one dont know what to interperate it as. I think that maintaining the lonely lump up until the end stanza arther than reverting to lump halfway through would have had a bit more impact, but thats a petty criticism. This reminds me of my childhood, all those clouded memories you cant quite grasp. Very very good :)
     
    I love the poem, Klippy <3 It actually brought back some nostalgia from when I was younger and I had a doll I cherished~

    It's adorable. :3
     
    Itsuki said:
    My childhood bear was named Peter. I've been neglecting him so long. ;__; Hah, so yeah, I had an immediate connection to this poem. The assonance managed to work, without becoming repetitive. Well done~ :'D
    Click to expand...

    Hurry and hug him before you go to college and lose him...forever. :D

    Gofre said:
    Wow, i like this. I like the ambiguity of the lonely lump, I for one dont know what to interperate it as. I think that maintaining the lonely lump up until the end stanza arther than reverting to lump halfway through would have had a bit more impact, but thats a petty criticism. This reminds me of my childhood, all those clouded memories you cant quite grasp. Very very good :)
    Click to expand...

    Thanks Gofre. Glad you..liked it. XD

    Scarlet Lynn said:
    I love the poem, Klippy <3 It actually brought back some nostalgia from when I was younger and I had a doll I cherished~

    It's adorable. :3
    Click to expand...

    Thank you very much, Starship~

    Go hug your doll now, please. :D



    Uh, also... I've never had a bear or any sort of comfort toy. This was... an odd poem for me to write. >__>
     
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