A Lesson in Kindness

So, I'm not exactly an expert on being kind [I'm only currently being so nice because I've started believing in karma XD] but I think a few people on the internets could use a bit of a lesson. ;D I mean, we all can once in awhile, ne? These are basically all things that I try to abide by when talking to people on the internet [in forums or on IM or in any other form] and so far it has kept me out of too much trouble XD

-First of all, you have to remember it's the internet. You only get text and emoticons [if you choose to use those], and what you say has a good chance of being misinterpreted. Like if you are being sarcastic, someone might take you literally, and that can do some damage. There isn't much you can do about this, except be careful of what you say. And also, remember that someone else might appear to be saying something with a different infliction than they intended.

-Also, remember that these are real people you are talking to! You can't see their body language, and you can't make eye contact with them, and you can't hear their voice, but they are real people with real feelings, and those feelings can get hurt. And some of you may think it's silly to have your feelings hurt just because of something that is said over the internet, but it does happen. [especially to sensitive people like me…] Basically, if you wouldn't say it to someone in real life, why say it online?

-The Golden Rule, treat others the way you would like to be treated. If you are sick of people always arguing with you, try not starting arguments with others. And don't bring others down just because of a stupid post, because you wouldn't like that much yourself.

Helpful Hints from Other Do-Gooders!:

Neko64 said:

Another thing to remember is to be patient. If someone tries to start an argument with you, or if you think a convo with someone is leading down that path, then the best thing the do is to stay calm and think out what you are going to say BEFORE actually sending the message. Being patient also works very well if you have someone who bugs you or whatever, doesn't stop asking questions, etc. It pays off to be patient; you're calmer and happier in the end then you would've been if you just bashed someone for what they said/did/whatever. x__x;;;


-Neko

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txteclipse said:

A calm person is also more effective in an argument. If you don't lose your cool, you can think straighter and actually address the problem itself. Not to mention that the other person is going to be freaking out because you aren't escalating your anger along with them. It will make them look like a fool when they're being aggressive and you're taking it in your stride.

I actually have something I try to say to myself if I become engaged in a dispute: "you aren't fighting the person, you're fighting the argument." That means you need to stay focused on the actual problem, and not on whatever the other person may be doing to provoke you. It also means you shouldn't do something you'll regret later: harming another person's ego or feelings is not necessary for winning an argument. All the people involved can come out with their pride intact if they respect each other.

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Neko64 said:

I know it's no different how people will treat you, whether offline of on I agree it's not all sunshine and rainbows, but it's how you deal and react with people like that determine how you feel in the end I think. o__O

Like say if you let every little thing every jerk says to you bother you or make you mad, yeah you're not going to be very happy. But if you are more laid back and calm and think out your comebacks and think to yourself "They're just jerks, they don't bug me." Then you'd prolly be a lot happier. But that's what I think. o.o;; *dies*

Remember, only you as a person can determine how you feel about a situation and what you make them out to be. Also, other peeps can try to make you feel happy if your down or something, but really it's your own self that decides whether you truly are or not.

So in reality you can be happy almost all the time if you choose to be optimistic about things more and er..stuff. DX (Sorry, my friend is iming me and getting me kinda distracted here. o-x)


-Neko

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Another thing to remember is to be patient. If someone tries to start an argument with you, or if you think a convo with someone is leading down that path, then the best thing the do is to stay calm and think out what you are going to say BEFORE actually sending the message. Being patient also works very well if you have someone who bugs you or whatever, doesn't stop asking questions, etc. It pays off to be patient; you're calmer and happier in the end then you would've been if you just bashed someone for what they said/did/whatever. x__x;;;


-Neko

thnx for the lesson!
cuz sumtimes i don't think when i type sumthin to sum1, and i end up explaining what i really meant. sumtimes, everything i say to ppl end up being offensive when i don't mean it.

This has been something I've advocated for a long time. Unless someone understands you well enough to know when you're joking or not, use common sense. Be polite. That doesn't translate to pushover. But courtesy is important both online and off.

Hmm... a very well-writen post! :D
Come to think of it, I could probably use a lesson in kindness right about now...
(Seeing as I am starting to cuss more and more...)
So...are you planning to add more?
(Oh, and by the way, that being patient rule really helps me a Lot! :) )
You're absolutely right when it comes to the 'net.
You really can't see the other person.

(Seriously, it may not look like it...but I seem to cuss some...)

Neko64 said:

Another thing to remember is to be patient. If someone tries to start an argument with you, or if you think a convo with someone is leading down that path, then the best thing the do is to stay calm and think out what you are going to say BEFORE actually sending the message. Being patient also works very well if you have someone who bugs you or whatever, doesn't stop asking questions, etc. It pays off to be patient; you're calmer and happier in the end then you would've been if you just bashed someone for what they said/did/whatever. x__x;;;


-Neko

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A calm person is also more effective in an argument. If you don't lose your cool, you can think straighter and actually address the problem itself. Not to mention that the other person is going to be freaking out because you aren't escalating your anger along with them. It will make them look like a fool when they're being aggressive and you're taking it in your stride.

I actually have something I try to say to myself if I become engaged in a dispute: "you aren't fighting the person, you're fighting the argument." That means you need to stay focused on the actual problem, and not on whatever the other person may be doing to provoke you. It also means you shouldn't do something you'll regret later: harming another person's ego or feelings is not necessary for winning an argument. All the people involved can come out with their pride intact if they respect each other.

The golden rule, you say?
Oh, sweet, ima go make some new inappropriate language removed.
Remember people, there are people like me who hate you until you prove your worth~

Good...

This is a good reminder...If more people followed this the Internet would be more peaceful...Trolling extinct and Flaming smoldered to ash...

txteclipse said:

A calm person is also more effective in an argument. If you don't lose your cool, you can think straighter and actually address the problem itself. Not to mention that the other person is going to be freaking out because you aren't escalating your anger along with them. It will make them look like a fool when they're being aggressive and you're taking it in your stride.

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Exactly what I've learned with my disputes with the various Athiests who roam Serebiiforums. As long as you keep your head cool and point out the flaws in their argument, they almost always lost their cool and starting cussing me out.
One of the signs that you've won an argument is when they start attacking you directly ;)

Kenshin said:

The golden rule, you say?
Oh, sweet, ima go make some new a**holes.
Remember people, there are people like me who hate you until you prove your worth~

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Sorry to say, but that sounds a little immature. ^^"

You see, in my opinion you have to have a REASON to truly HATE someone. A very good reason, and to hate someone you don't even know, well.. I'd find it impossible. o__O;;
Plus err..the cursing thing. Don't think it's allowed.^^" *sweatdrop*

Originally posted by txteclipse
A calm person is also more effective in an argument. If you don't lose your cool, you can think straighter and actually address the problem itself. Not to mention that the other person is going to be freaking out because you aren't escalating your anger along with them. It will make them look like a fool when they're being aggressive and you're taking it in your stride.

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You've got a very good point right there! It's true, if you keep your cool you can clear your mind. See, if you allow yourself to get angry you let your emotions take the best of you it clouds your mind and your thinking process, so it's much more difficult to sound logical when you are screaming your head off at someone (not to mention you have a good possibility of getting banned). o__O;;


-Neko

Yeah, Neko. I agree with you there. But also, couldn't people just think what you posted Kitty-Kat, even in real life I 'spose.

I agree guys. Getting into an argument on the internet is serious business.

Lucy54 said:

Yeah, Neko. I agree with you there. But also, couldn't people just think what you posted Kitty-Kat, even in real life I 'spose.

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Yes, I think these techniques can be used in real life, although it would probably be much harder because you are next to the person and you can't really just sit there and think out a calm response like you can online. You have to respond sooner, taking lesss time to think things out and therefor easier to screw up somewhere. I mean, you can still just as easily be calm, but your responses to the argument may be a bit off, if y'know what I mean~


-Neko

I dunno. The world isn't all smiles, sunshine and rainbows you know. Why should it be any different online?

Even to your face people will still be jerks.

Amachi said:

I dunno. The world isn't all smiles, sunshine and rainbows you know. Why should it be any different online?

Even to your face people will still be jerks.

Click to expand...

I know it's no different how people will treat you, whether offline of on I agree it's not all sunshine and rainbows, but it's how you deal and react with people like that determine how you feel in the end I think. o__O

Like say if you let every little thing every jerk says to you bother you or make you mad, yeah you're not going to be very happy. But if you are more laid back and calm and think out your comebacks and think to yourself "They're just jerks, they don't bug me." Then you'd prolly be a lot happier. But that's what I think. o.o;; *dies*

Remember, only you as a person can determine how you feel about a situation and what you make them out to be. Also, other peeps can try to make you feel happy if your down or something, but really it's your own self that decides whether you truly are or not.

So in reality you can be happy almost all the time if you choose to be optimistic about things more and er..stuff. DX (Sorry, my friend is iming me and getting me kinda distracted here. o-x)


-Neko

Amachi said:

I dunno. The world isn't all smiles, sunshine and rainbows you know. Why should it be any different online?

Even to your face people will still be jerks.

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Exactly.

And plus, like people said here, it's the frikkin' internet. Nobody cares if you're a total douche.

I'm only nice to the people who deserve it. If I feel that somebody's bothering me, I'll do my best to crush the living being out of them.

Amachi said:

I dunno. The world isn't all smiles, sunshine and rainbows you know. Why should it be any different online?

Even to your face people will still be jerks.

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Agreed.

I hate to say it, but although some good points were made in this thread, not everyone's gonna follow them and you're still going to have your jerks, whether it be irl or on the internet. And I suppose people act more like jerks on the Internet because they figure no one's going to know who they are, anyway. The anonymity of the Internet makes people feel... for the lack of a better word, "tougher."

I'm not saying that the points made in here weren't good ones, because they are. I'm just saying that the world isn't sunshine and daisies, and as much as we would love everyone to follow Netiquette rules, it's most likely not going to happen. :<

Amachi said:

I dunno. The world isn't all smiles, sunshine and rainbows you know. Why should it be any different online?

Even to your face people will still be jerks.

Click to expand...

People still will, agreed. But it's all in how you respond to them, reacting negatively exacerbates the problem as well as pushing the mindset of the average person into a more negative state.

being un nice, and immature back to another person who is being like that, you are not helping the problem much, people tend to be less likely to get your point if you're agressive, I think both in and out of the internet, you should be mature, and kind if the situation allows^^

If you aren't nice you will kill an emo kitty! Think of the kitties!