[Pokémon] Pokémon: Wing of Zapdos

The lake's ripples flickered in the dark night waters, as the surrounding bushes stood aglow with the illumise and volbeat that resided within. Glancing down at the pokétch on his wrist, Grey tapped the screen with the back of his finger to illuminate it. It was twelve past midnight. Tawny was late, and though Grey had promised himself that he wouldn't be kept waiting this time, and knowing he ought to turn, head back to route 201 and reschedule this battle, his anticipation for this was too strong to let such a menial matter keep him from gauging his skills and the skills of his pokémon. The opportunities for true challenges were becoming very rare lately and in all honesty Grey knew the success had gone to his head a little. He needed this battle more than he cared to admit, and taking a pokéball from his waist, began to roll it in his hand. He had already made his mind up of what his opening play would be.
He couldn't leave even if he wanted to.

The air was getting cold and thick, and though it was late Grey wasn't tired, he was geared up. He turned, hearing footsteps approaching through the dim moonlight and moments later a fresh faced young trainer of about seventeen emerged from the wooded path to the lake. With her dark red hair semi-hidden under a baseball cap, her attire was, as always, mostly loose-fitting and scruffy, her glasses slipping down her pretty but modest face, and a coffee stained chequered shirt blew about her fitted black T in the night breeze.

"I know, I know and I'm really sorry but-" she began, but was interrupted by Grey.

"Were you trying to psyche me out, Tawny?" He joked.
Even though she was only twelve minutes late it had seemed like much longer due to the anticipation of the match and of seeing her in the flesh after such a long time.

"Wow," she sighed "You look different." Grey gave her a bemused look, and she laughed. "More confident, I mean."

"Oh…I see." He grinned. "Well, truth be told I'm a little nervous"

"Well Grey, I tend to have that affect on guys," she said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
The pair laughed for a moment as Tawny walked closer to the lake's edge, placing her self in position, leaving a sizable space between her and Grey.

"Let's begin," She said smiling, and the laughter was broken.

A moment's silence and then within an instant Grey slipped his finger over the centre button of the pokéball and it expanded in his hand. Tawny seemed to mirror his actions perfectly as both pokéballs were thrown, spinning into the space between them. Two great flashes of light filled the surrounding lakeside and in an instant were gone leaving in their places two pokémon.

With that the battle had begun and both trainers began to incite their commands.

"Fearow – drill peck!" urged Grey over Tawny's shout for her Bellossom to use sunny day.

The bird flew, turning to face its trainer and then in a gracious swooping arc back toward the bellossom, spinning its entire body in a vicious attack. The impact sent the bellossom skidding backward as Fearow made another arc turn away and flew higher into the air. As the Bellossom picked itself up, it raised its arms to the sky and light surrounded the pokémon. Rising up, the light seemed to banish the sky of all the clouds above it. It was almost as if the light of the moon had intensified around the area where they stood, making it nearly as bright as day!


"Don't let it throw you off, Fearow; one more drill peck should finish it off!" Grey yelled up.

As the Fearow spun through into another arcing attack, Tawny gave a command for her bellossom to use synthesis, and to Grey's surprise the Bellossom managed to execute the maneuver before Fearow could land the hit! Fearow once again rammed into the tiny Grass pokémon with a super effective hit, but it still was not enough to knock it out.

"Chlorophyll! Of course," cursed Grey, as he watched a proud smile spread across Tawny's face.

"That makes the speed of our pokémon about even," she declared triumphantly.

Grey realised he'd need at least two consecutive hits to take down the bellossom and ordered his fearow to strike again, as Tawny issued a command for sleep powder. Once more the nimble Bellossom was too quick and Fearow could not land the attack before flying straight into the cloud of blue spores. "No…" Grey muttered as his Fearow fell sleeping on the ground.

"And another synthesis, Bellossom!" cheered Tawny.

Grey began to see that Tawny wasn't going to be as easy to beat as he had expected; even against a type advantage she was still managing to come out on top.

As Grey's Fearow lay sleeping on the ground he realised, while sunny day was in effect, brute force alone wasn't going to do the trick. He had an idea but he couldn't give the game away until he was certain it would work, so he remained silent, issuing no commands.

"Solar beam!" Tawny yelled out to her Bellossom as it diligently obeyed, letting rip with a gushing arc of yellow and green light, which blasted the sleeping Fearow from above!

Although not very effective, the beam seemed to do a decent amount of damage and was enough wake the Fearow from its slumber.

"Perfect!" Grey uttered to himself. The timing for his plan could not have been better, and despite the risk, Grey had a feeling that this would work.

"Sleep powder again, Bellossom!" cried Tawny, surprised that the Fearow had awakened so soon.

"Let's do it, Fearow!" yelled Grey to his pokémon as it took flight. "Mirror move!"

And all in one moment, the small Bellossom set loose its cloud of sleep inducing spores toward the great bird pokémon, as the Fearow made another spinning arc motion around the blue dust cloud, dodging it all together. The Fearow then stopped sharply in the air batting its wings open into full span, then rapidly slapping them together, forcing the dust cloud back upon Tawny's Bellossom, engulfing it in a shroud of its own sleep powder!

A look of shock swept across Tawny's face as the Grass pokémon fell victim to the Fearow's mirror move.

"Now, drill peck!" cheered Grey, as the Fearow executed another super effective attack on the unconscious Bellossom.

"Come on Bellossom!" cried Tawny determinedly "You can do it. Wake up!" But much to her dismay the little pokémon remained snoozing on the grass, as the bright light of "Sunny day" faded away, leaving only the pale moonlight once more.

"One last time!" howled Grey excitedly as the Fearow began to repeat its attack!

"Bellossom!" shouted Tawny as her pokémon awoke!

It was too late however, as the Fearow drove its beak into the grass pokémon, just as it rose to its feet, knocking it out completely!

Tawny recalled her Bellossom as it collapsed, fainted. She smiled down at the pokéball in her hand, whispered something inaudible to Grey, and returned the ball to her belt.

"Always a trick up your sleeve, huh Grey?" remarked Tawny half-joking, as Grey grinned in silent celebration. "Well it's not over yet" she announced stubbornly. "Go Mismagius!"

As the ghost burst forth from the pokéball, Tawny issued a command for a confuse ray and Grey knew this round had the potential to get much harder again as Mismagius' shot a beam of eerie light that landed squarely on it's target, plunging it into confusion.

"Mirror move again, Fearow," And the Fearow using all its effort to obey, landed a confuse ray square on its opponent.

"Seems we're in the same boat this time, Grey," smirked Tawny, proud that she'd effected his fearow once again. "Mismagius – Thunderbolt!" she yelled, but it was no good. The mismagius simply flailed about injuring itself.

"Perfect," said Grey as he looked toward his Fearow perched on the ground "You know what to do, Fearow!" but as the Fearow tried to fly it only tripped injuring its beak in its confusion.

"One more time, Mismagius! I know you can do it!" cheered Tawny, pushing up her glasses. But once again the Mismagius couldn't summon enough focus to break free from its ailment and took confusion damage once more from its own strikes.

"Come on, Fearow, shake it off! Faint Attack!" Grey urged, and the Fearow rose into the air and vanished from sight, only to re-appear a moment later behind the mismagius, striking it hard with the dark type attack!

The Mismagius was badly hurt from the super effective blow but had managed to hang on.

"Last chance, Mismagius" pressed Tawny "Thunderbolt", and before Grey could issue his command, theMismagius returned to its senses, and cast a mighty thunderbolt attack square onto the airborne Fearow!

"Good shot," Grey commended.

Knocked out, his Fearow began to fall to the ground and Grey sent out a beam of red light from his pokéball, recalling it just before it landed on the grass beneath it. "Well done, Fearow" he said, stashing the pokéball away once more.

"Even," stated Tawny simply.

"Don't count on it," retorted Grey with a cool smile, as he reached for his second pokéball, and sent in his next pokémon: Muk.

The sludge pokémon appeared with an abrupt flash on oozed out onto the moonlight grass.

Tawny flashed Grey a puzzled look, and he could see she didn't know what to expect. But that look quickly vanished into one of determination as she incited her instruction to her pokémon.

"Mismagius, pain split-"

"Nice try, but not so fast!" Grey said calmly, cutting her off. "Muk, Shadow Sneak!"

"What?!" Cried Tawny in dismay, as the Muk melted into an almost invisibly thin layer of slime that shot across the ground at lightning speed and struck the Mismagius down before it could make a move!

"Super effective." Grey grinned, as his muk returned to his side of the field.

"But, how?" Tawny frowned, "Muk can't-"

"I bred this Muk especially," Grey said cutting her off again. "Its shadow sneak is a move it inherited from Dusclops.

"I didn't know," sighed Tawny, as she recalled her fainted Mismagius to its pokéball.

She briskly shook her head to snap herself out of her daze, as she prepared her final pokéball of the match.


"Last one, Tawny," said Grey triumphantly

"You don't want to extend the match to six each do you?" she joked "but then I suppose rules are rules."

Grey nodded as Tawny threw in her final pokéball and in a flash of light, there stood a great Typhlosion.

"I was saving him till last." She smiled, but then broke into another command, "Fire Blast Typhlosion – take no prisoners!"

Faced with the immense flames the Muk stood its ground!

"You can take it, Muk" cheered Grey as the five pointed blast engulfed the sludge like monster.

"Sorry Tawny." Grey smiled quietly before he cried out the final command "MUK - EXPLOSION!"

An intense glow of yellow and white filled the area and moments later a colossal blast blew air and smoke outward in a fierce current.

When the smoke cleared both pokémon lay fainted on the scorched grass.

There was a long and silent pause between the two trainers, for what felt like an eternity. Grey looked to Tawny who only stared at the ground, appearing crushed. Was that last move too cheap, thought Grey as he gazed back down to his K.O.'d Muk. He prayed he hadn't gone too far and that she would understand. He never meant to hurt her. He would never…"

The silence was broken abruptly by Tawny whose expression flickered instantly to a large smile as she looked towards Grey from behind her glasses.

"That's that then," she said cheerily recalling her Typhlosion, "Well played, and good job to you too, Typhlosion!"

"Tawny I-" began Grey but was interrupted by Tawny's merry tones,

"And since you still have one pokémon left in reserve, that means you win!"

"But that was-" He tried to explain but couldn't fin the words.

"Brilliant strategy," Tawny said completing the sentence for him. "Grey." she continued, "Don't worry, I'm a big girl, I can take it. Besides it just shows how strong you've gotten!"

Grey didn't say anything, he felt so guilty. How could he have been so rough with her? Was he really that desperate to stay on top? How ruthless.

"Come on champ, lets go to the P.C." Tawny Grinned

Grey had finally summoned the words and began;

"Tawny…you were awesome, and if it wasn't for how lucky I got with Fearow and the sleep powder and the confusion…well you probably would have had me in a corner. Your strategy was great too, and I was worried to death through half of that battle." He paused "You're much stronger now too."

It was emotional but Tawny managed to take Grey by the arm and shaking her head in happiness simply said:

"Come on you!"

Thanks very much for reading! I'm glad you liked the battle! I'm trying to keep them as accurate as possible, lol!

There's another five chapters already written but I'll probably have to break it up to make it more reader friendly! I'll post them at intervals, lol!

The lights in the Pokémon centre were dim in the late night as Tawny and Grey stepped gingerly through the sliding door which glided closed behind them with a faint hum. Heavy rain had set in just before they had entered Sandgem town and the pair were soaked through despite only having walked through the downpour for five minutes or so. Grey silently approached the deserted front desk and pushed a small white button that sounded a dull electric chime. Moments later a nurse appeared from the door behind the counter to greet them.

"Hello," she said serenely "Are you looking for beds for the night or is it just the restoration service you'll be needing?"

"Both would be great," answered Grey with a shiver

"Very good. The dorms are just down the hall to the right whenever you're ready, and if you'd like to give me your pokéballs for a moment I'll pop them on the restorator for you." She spoke in a very quick and well rehearsed manner but even so it was clear that the nurse was tired from the late night shift.

"Thanks." Tawny smiled handing over the pokéballs as the nurse gave her a polite nod.

"So it looks like you got caught in the rain you poor things," the nurse said chattily as she placed the pokéballs on the restorator "Oh and it must be so cold out at this time of night too. You know it's funny we've been having these odd spells of heavy rain lately and-"

"Do you know if there's a coffee machine in here?" Grey cut her off mid sentence.

"Oh yes," she replied sweetly "Just by that potted palm in the corner."

"Thanks," said Grey strolling over to the machine, well concealed behind the green of the palm tree.

"If you want to take a seat I'll call you over when we're all done," the nurse said, looking to Tawny, before disappearing dreamily into the back room.

Tawny sat in the circular couch in the centre of the lobby as Grey brought over two hot coffees. The two hadn't really spoken much, and Grey was looking forward to a nice long catch up for once. The two put their feet up on the low table and relaxed in their wet apparel.

"I still can't get over-" Tawny began, but was interrupted by the nurse who had entered silently and called over to them quietly from the counter.

"I'm so sorry I forgot to ask," she began "do you know professor Rowan?"

"We've heard of him…" replied Grey looking slightly confused as he turned around on the couch to face her.

"It's just he was in here earlier tonight asking for two trainers named Davys Grey and Tawny Brown," she continued, looking over pleadingly.

"Yes that's us," Tawny said slightly louder that the quiet level of the night conversation.

"Very good, well he said to see him in his laboratory as soon as you can and that it was very important," she said, adding "I'm very sorry I didn't mention it sooner. It completely slipped my mind."

"Did he say to wait till morning?" Grey asked her wearily.

"I'm sorry that's all I know, I'm afraid. Oh-" She looked over the restorator noticing the pokéballs had stopped flashing and proceeded to return them to Tawny over the counter.

"There's a videophone over there if you need it, and the dorms are just down the hall to the right. There are plenty of free beds, just try and be as quiet as you can as some travelers are already asleep in there," she added with a smile as she slid off once more through the door beyond the front desk.

"I wonder what that Rowan business is all about," remarked Tawny after the nurse had left.

"Surely it can wait till morning," said Grey "It is quite late"

"I know but if it wasn't really important he wouldn't have come looking for us in particular…and in person too"

"What do you mean?" Grey murmured tiredly

"If it could have waited he would have just phoned instead of coming all the way out to find us himself," she reasoned to Grey as he squinted tiredly to her. "We should at least call his lab to see what it is."

"Are you kidding?" Grey grinned. "The man's probably in bed, and besides I'm really tired. Anyway we may have been here sooner to see him in person if you weren't late as usual."

Tawny shot Grey a frown. "Well you can go to bed if you want," she told him adamantly "but I'm going to call the lab."

"Well I suppose it won't hurt." Grey submitted, as Tawny walked over to the video phone stall and began to dial the number from the directory.

Within an instant of ringing the phone was answered and a very disheveled professor Rowan appeared on the screen, the image his sombre face frowning into the dimly lit room.

"Miss Brown." He began with a ring of urgency to his voice, "It's a good job you've called. I need all able trainers in the area to come to my labs immediately. It's of the utmost importance."

"Professor what's going-" she started to ask but was cut off by a very apprehensive sounding Rowan

"I'll explain all of this when you get here, but first let me ask you, is your friend Davys with you?"

"Yes he's right here," she said as Grey leaned into the camera's view saying:

"Hello Professor."

Rowan ignored him and continued. "It's important you both come immediately. I have an urgent assignment. A handful of other trainers are already here but I need you two here before anything can be done. This is an urgent matter," he said soberly but with much anxiety.

"Wait" began Grey "Assignm-?"

"Please hurry!" Rowan stressed cutting off Grey before hanging up abruptly.

"Well?" said Grey looking to Tawny as if for answers.

"Gosh," she said and sat still for a moment looking at the blank screen until resolving:
"Come on then we have to get over there. Now."

"Hang on," started Grey "We don't even know what this is about and it may not be any of our-"

Tawny shot him a shocked glare.

"Grey, didn't you hear how worried he sounded?! If he says it's important and he needs our help, we have to go!" she reproached him. "Besides, Elm always spoke highly of Rowan and I don't think he's the kind of man to waste time unnecessarily do you?"

"No...Sorry," Grey said looking regretful and apologetic. Then looking up at Tawny resolutely said "Let's go." And the pair hurried out into the night rain once more.




Rowan stood in the darkened storage room with his back against the door, his eyes shut in contemplation of the events that had already passed in one short and stormy night. The chattering voices of the young trainers whom had already arrived at the labs, at his request, could only be heard as a faint hum to him. It wouldn't be long now till Tawny and Grey arrived. Rowan had never met the two, but had heard great things about each of them, had seen their battles, and had spoken to Elm about them, and had heard how far they had come. He had faith that they could help the most. As soon as they would arrive Rowan could begin, but in this small window of time he began to collect his thoughts and compose himself into his usual state of ever reserved calm.

His clothes were completely soaked and his trusty brown trench coat had been thrown carelessly on the floor forming a small puddle on the tiles. He shivered and took of his drenched waist-coat too, then slid the thermostat dial upward. Walking over to a high set bench he gave a long sigh and rested his hands upon a large, cylindrical, black, wooden box.

Thunder began to roll in the distance and the sound of the rain intensified. Unsurprised by this, Rowan once more shut his eyes in meditation, remembering the dangerous lengths he had gone to in procuring the contents of this very box.

Not four and a half hours ago Veilstone had been a scene of total pandemonium. People were running away in fear, fighting to escape the city, whilst others had been fiercely rushing toward the department store area, in anticipation and frenzied excitement, hoping to catch a glimpse of the monster.

The entire scene had been set beneath a grave canopy of vicious thunder and lightning as thick torrents of rain coursed down from the black heavens, making the already intense riot seem virtually apocalyptic.

It was by chance that Rowan had been on the scene, retuning late form his studies at Lake Valour. Those studies seemed so trivial now, in comparison to all that had transpired…in comparison to all that he knew was yet to come.

Images of his night flashed in his mind. The department store rooftop, and how he had been the first to go there. The tank of collected rainwater in which he had had to hide from the mob that came afterward, getting soaked to the bone to remain concealed. How he had to fight his way off that rooftop and even then only just managing an escape with the well timed rescue by a Kanto Silph field operative and a stranger. But most of all, he remembered that mighty bird perched there, its eyes tired and confused but also filled with power, almost evil, as it fled. He shuddered at the thought. Did it know what it had left behind on that same rooftop? More importantly though, thought Rowan, did anyone else know that the very same thing now lay in the box before him.

Snapping back into reality, Rowan heard the front door to the lab open to the fierce storm to let in more trainers. He knew it would be Grey and Tawny, and that it was time to begin. Slipping on a dry lab-coat over his wet shirt, Rowan took the box under his arm and with one last slow sigh, made his way into the lab to address those who had come to his aid.

Opening the door, Rowan paced slowly out into the lab where small group expectant young trainers stood, and without looking at any of them, placed the box on the table as all in the room fell silent. He turned to face them, Grey and Tawny standing at the back of the small group not saying a word, but looking at each other worriedly. Rowan knew that his current appearance gave away his struggle earlier that night and didn't have the time to beautify himself in this dire situation. He knew that nobody was used to seeing a regarded professor of pokémon in such a dishevelled state. Still nobody said a word.

"Thank you for coming." He began in a low and resonating voice, "I must tell you know that what you are about to hear is highly sensitive- no…" he paused for a moment and corrected himself. "Highly dangerous information."

Some of the younger trainers began to look worriedly to each other but the more experienced of the group listened intently, unflinching.

"What I am about to ask you to do is also dangerous," he addressed the whole room as he said this, but made a point of looking toward Tawny, who's eyes did not stir, but remained fixed on Rowan. "So if any of you here, especially the less experienced of you, wish to leave, then now is the time." There was a short pause, but nobody moved. "Very well," said Rowan, "then we'll begin." He moved over to the table with the box on it and leaned back against it. He spoke once again in a very calm and controlled manner, despite the shocking information that he was about to reveal.

"If any of you have seen the news in the past five hours ago you will know what this is concerning" some of the group nodded at this, but Grey looked bemused and nervous at the back. "This evening in Veilstone city, the legendary Pokémon Zapdos appeared in the midst of the public." There was surprise at this statement among the party but nobody spoke. "As you know pokémon such as Zapdos, are known as legendary because most people dispute that they even exist, but for a pokémon of this nature to appear this close to humans is almost unheard of. The sheer power that these legendary pokémon posses is unfathomable." He looked toward his gravely attentive audience and with no questions he continued:

"The Zapdos, which flew in plain sight above Veilstone and eventually landed on top of the department store tower building, caused enormous unsettlement to the populous, and as you will find out Veilstone has been in a state of emergency due to the riots that ensued. As you can imagine most people were extremely afraid of such a powerful force of nature being so near. However there were others who having seen the Zapdos, were driven to ensure its capture, and so were equally as frantic. Disconcerting though this may be, it is not the problem. The Zapdos only stayed roosted for a short while before returning in flight back to the cover of the clouds."

Rowan looked out once more and couldn't help but notice Grey's shocked appearance. He looked full of questions and disbelief. Most of the trainers present looked taken aback by the information too, as if they couldn't believe what they were hearing.

"I assure you this is all true." Rowan continued, "But the reason I have asked you hear on such urgent premises is a matter of different proportions, though of the utmost relevance to what I have just told you." Rowan turned to the box on the table and lifted the lid, placing it beside the box. He carefully inserted both hands and slowly removed a large egg with a black stone-like shell.

Shocked gasps came from the group and everyone in the room looked instantly alert.

"I believe this is the reason that Zapdos descended to Veilstone and the reason it needed to roost on top the store building." There was silence in the room for a long moment and the sound of the heavy rain on the rooftop seemed louder than ever before. "Luckily I was the first to venture up the Zapdos' roosting place and through even greater luck managed to secure this egg and keep it hidden from the rioters." Looking at the trainers before him he spoke with more severity than before, "I also believe we are the only people who currently know that Zapdos appeared for the purpose of laying its young, and that we are the only ones who are aware of this egg's existence." He paused again, and spoke ever more gravely. "However I am also sure that it is only a matter of time before someone who has knowledge of pokémon birthing habits also notices this and realises that an egg ought to have been, and come looking for it. So time is of the essence."

"Professor," Grey finally spoke up in the confused tone Rowan had expected him to adopt. "I'm sure this is very important, I mean it'd have to be but…" he paused for a moment and tried to think of how to phrase his next words. "What are we actually here to do?"

"Good question," replied Rowan calmly and sombrely. "You live up to your reputation Mr. Grey. What I have called all of you here for is to undertake a dangerous and important task." He looked once more on the confused group. "We must see that this egg gets to its home…to its mother."

Thanks Krys!! That's kind of you! I'll probably be posting the second half of chapter two on Friday!
:D

this story really interesting so far. neat story line

Nice! This was an unexpected thing to happen! I never thought about a legendary pokemon laying an egg... anyway, I am hooked to this story! I will keep reading!

Thanks for the awesome comments guys! I hope you all like what's to come! Thanks so much for reading!

this is getting very excitning! you have talent which i dont... :(

Maylon Hotaru awoke to grey skies that morning as he looked out from the stone window that overlooked the sea, not so far away. It was late springtime and the empty streets of the small sea-front town were covered in falling cherry blossoms. The town was almost empty as it was still early morning, though the signs of the day's beginning were evident: The muffled sound of the blacksmith's workshop and the chatter of returning fishermen with their morning haul of magikarp, floating up over the bells chiming and morning song from the town's grand shrine, while the melodies of hoothoot and noctowl returning to their nests from the night, were beginning to fade. Usually Cherrygrove was much busier, but this early morning scene was perfect for Hotaru to begin his journey un-noticed.

He moved from the window to the foot of the bed in which he had slept that night and reached for the bag that he had placed there. From it he took his robes which he gently put on. These robes were not the usual long and flowing, ornate red, gold and green robes that he would usually wear day to day. This time the people of his land could not know where he was going and so, for now, he wore his simple brown traveling robes and a long brown, hooded cloak over them. He then took from the bag six small red crystals, each one on a thin loop of silver chain, and put them all around his neck, tucking them beneath the cloak.

Putting on an old pair of spectacles he made his way quietly down the stone steps, into the hall and through the front door of the inn, in which he had stayed for the night. Closing the door softly behind him, he looked toward the ocean and began down the wide green streets, making sure all the time to keep his face concealed behind his hood. He began to reflect on his situation.

When he had called the order council to discuss the venture on which he was now about to embark upon almost all of the elder members had been disapproving. Messages from the land beyond the mountains had come asking for help. Great sky beasts had wrought havoc upon their land, and supernatural storms had occurred across the region. Even tails of fire raining from the skies had come over; Tales that spoke of evil bird-like pokémon. These messages had scared the people of even this land, Johto, and the neighbouring land of Kanto had become a place where none dare venture or even speak of.

Kanto had dispatched their own high sorcerer, Phaste Endargo, to tame the sky titans but he had disappeared some time ago. It was then that they turned to Johto and pleaded for Hotaru to come to their aid.

The people of Johto were very fond of Hotaru. He had been exalted as the most powerful high sorcerer in over two hundred years. For this reason, the council's consensus to ask Hotaru not to assist the neighbouring land had been twofold. The nation had been worried about these stories of dangerous sky-beasts, and feared that if their treasured grand-high sorcerer went there, that he would not return. The second reason however was born of a deeper concern.

One of the reasons Hotaru was renowned as such a great sorcerer was his ability to understand and quell pokémon. The pokémon he himself utilized, he shared a profound bond with and the council, though they would not admit it, were afraid that if Hotaru were to try to tame these beasts, he would end up invoking them to himself and would become infected by their evil.

Hotaru however knew better. He knew that no pokémon could be evil, and it was his duty as grand-high sorcerer to help those in need. Even so, he did not wish to let the sorcerer's order, or the people of the land, know that he was going on this journey. It would cause too much of a stir, and incite more rows within the order council. He had made up his mind, no matter what.

In all of his musings Hotaru had eventually made his way down through the blossom covered streets, to the shore, where a number of piers stretched a short way out in to the water. Fishermen were returning from their boats and a group of young men were stood near-by fixing a broken wheel on their stantler-drawn cart. Nobody noticed Hotaru as he walked peacefully to the shore.

When he reached the sea Hotaru gently placed one hand into his cloak and removed from his neck one of the small-red crystals that hung there. Looking out toward the grey horizon he held the crystal out in-front of him.

Just as he was about to speak he heard a child's voice

"Master Hotaru?"

Hotaru dropped his arm and turned to face the little girl.

"So you recognised me even so." He began serenely. "But please young one, call me brother Maylon"

"Are you leaving?" she said sadly, "To the land beyond the mountains?"

"Yes," he replied with a soft nod.

"My mother says it's too dangerous even for you." She looked up at him with adoring and worried eyes, "And that you may not return if you leave." She paused and gave a little sob. "Will you return?"

"What is your name young one," asked Hotaru gently.

"Meya," she replied as a tear ran down her cheek.

"When I return, Meya, all will be well in both lands, and I will return to this very shore to come and see you…" He dug deep in his pockets and produced a large seed which he handed to the little girl closing it in her small palm, and continued in his ever calm tone "…and by the time I get back this seed will have grown into a beautiful rose bush. Take care of it and grow a pretty rose for me for when I return."

She held the seed close to her and dried her tears on her sleeve.

"Thank you. I know whatever you do master Hotaru, it will help everyone. Good luck," she said, sobbing quietly

"Thank you young Meya." Hotaru smiled. "That means more to me than you will know." And with that he turned back to the ocean and once again held the red crystal out before him and said the words:

"I call upon Gyarados!"

And with a flash of light the mighty water pokémon appeared in the ocean before him and bowed its head so that its master may climb up onto its back.

Hotaru stowed the crystal, which had now turned clear, back under his cloak, and climbed aboard the Gyarados' back.

As Meya waved a silent goodbye, Hotaru whispered that Gyarados begin their voyage and depart to the land beyond the mountains.

This is awesome! I especially like how you describe it all and how pokeballs are replaced by crystals. Ill keep reading!

Porygon-Z said:

if you're happy with how it's going people can read and give you pointers! :D​

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i did, its called "dragons winter". So far the only one who has commented is Krystallyn

Hello! I've only recently joined this forum and wanted to get some reviewing done. I saw your fanfic and just had to give it a read. ;)

Tawny was late, and though Grey had promised himself that he wouldn't be kept waiting this time, and knowing he ought to turn, head back to route 201 and reschedule this battle, his anticipation for this was too strong to let such a menial matter keep him from gauging his skills and the skills of his pokémon.

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There is nothing necessarily wrong with this sentence, but I think it's unnecessarily cluttered. By changing some minor things you could have a sentence that flows better and doesn't use repetition. For example, like this:

Tawny was late and though Grey had promised himself that he wouldn't be kept waiting this time – and knowing he ought to head back to route 201 and reschedule his battle – his anticipation for it was too strong to let such a menial matter keep him from gauging his skills and those of his pokémon.

You could easily replace the dashes by commas, but I'm overly fond of the things, hence their inclusion. I also tried to work around the repition of 'this' and 'skills', but I could understand you using the last one twice. I wasn't sure if emphasis was needed there.

He needed this battle more than he cared to admit, and taking a pokéball from his waist, began to roll it in his hand.

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I would change the commas here. If using commas the way you are, you should be able to remove the information between them and still have a functioning sentence. Here that is not the case. They could stand as separate sentences, really, so maybe cut them into two?

He needed this battle more than he cared to admit. Taking a pokéball from his waist, he began to roll it in his hand.

I don't know, really. Maybe rewrite that altogether, or something. It just doesn't read right when left the way you had it. To me, at least.

"Were you trying to psyche me out, Tawny?" he joked.

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This is a case of direct address and thus needs a comma. Direct address occurs when you're directly addressing someone or something. Most often this happens when, like you're doing here, using someone's name.

Other examples include:

"Wait for me, Anna!"

"I don't care, kid."

You're directly addressing someone and using some form of 'name' for them.

"Wow," she sighed. "You look different." Grey gave her a bemused look, and she laughed. "Moreconfident, I mean."

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Punctuation really is tricky, isn't it? *grin* Don't worry, it's easy to get a hang off once you know the rules. It took me quite a while to get the hang of it, too.

First I'll explain a basic sentence, then go into what you're doing here.

When deciding what punctuation to use it's very important to find out what kind of verb you're using. Is it a speech verb – a verb that is able to bring forth speech, such as 'whispered', 'asked', 'yelled', etc. – or a regular verb? When it's a speech verb, you get the following:

"Hello," she said.

Notice the comma and the lowercased word following it. She is saying that sentence, so they're directly connected.

"Wait!" she yelled.

In this case the exclamation mark overrules the comma, but the word following it still remains lowercased. (Yelled is, after all, a speech verb.) Same goes for question marks.

"I don't know." The boy shrugged.

You can't 'shrug' a sentence, so it's clearly not a speech verb. That means they aren't directly connected and so you get a period/full-stop and a capitalized word following. Does that make sense?

You've made your sentence a bit trickier, because it's cut into several parts. Let's have a look at it.

"Wow," she sighed. "You look different." Grey gave her a bemused look, and she laughed. "More confident, I mean."

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Another tricky part about this is that 'sighed' is a very difficult verb. Some people say it's a speech verb and others say it isn't. In this case I'm assuming you meant to have her sighing that sentence and not sighing inbetween, so I used it as a speech verb.

Another difficult thing about your sentence is that you can either read this as 'Wow, you look different.' or 'Wow. You look different.' Either way works. I chose to punctuate it as if it was the second one. They're two separate sentences now and I punctuated it accordingly. You get a comma, just like the regular ones, and end the speech verb with a period/full-stop. Then the new sentence begins and you end that one too.

I sincerely hope that makes sense, heh. This stuff is mighty tricky, so if you have further questions, please don't hesitate to ask.

"Oh, I see." He grinned. "Well, truth be told, I'm a little nervous."

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This is how I would punctuate this sentence. You can't grin a sentence, so it's not a speech verb. There is a pause after 'Oh' and 'Well', so you get a comma, and 'truth be told' is additional information that could be left out. (And is thus between commas.)

The pair laughed for a moment as Tawny walked closer to the lake's edge, placing herself in position, and left about eight metres or so between her and Grey.

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The original sentence felt a bit awkward, especially because 'placing herself in position' feels like additional information, but couldn't be left out. Now it could be, making it sound much better to me.

Two great flashes of light filled the surrounding lakeside and in an instant were gone leaving in their places two pokémon.

Hmm, sounds a bit off to me. Maybe shuffle things around a bit?

Two great flashes of light filled the surrounding lakeside and were gone in an instant, leaving two pokémon in their place.

Just a suggestion. XD I wanted to say 'but were gone', but that would make it sound off again. Maybe rewrite it entirely?

The impact sent the bellossom skidding backward as Fearow turned away again and flew higher into the air.

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Merely a suggestion, because you used 'turning' and 'arc' in the sentence before it. Repetition and all.

As the Bellossom picked itself up, it raised its arms to the sky as light surrounded the pokémon.

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Same here. Maybe replace the second 'as' with 'and' or 'while'?

~
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That's it for now. I've read through the rest of the chapter and while there are some minor errors here and there, it's mostly things I've already explained. (Such as direct address and punctuating speech.) These are things you could easily remedy yourself. ^^

The only thing I'm left wondering about is why you started your story the way you did. You have set up your characters, yes, but only minimally so and you've left Grey with nothing but victories. It's always much more entertaining to follow someone we can relate to, than someone who has everything handed to them on a silver platter.

However, all in all, this really wasn't bad. I especially enjoyed your opening paragraphs and the interesting moves you had the pokémon perform.

I hope this helped and if there's anything else I can do, don't hesitate to contact me! ^^

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Thanks for reading and thanks your advice! I'll fix those points as soon as I get the time!

About Grey though, I don't want to give too much away, but things aren't exactly going to be plain sailing in his future, lol!

Thanks for your help!