Review time! First off, regular mistakes are corrected in red highlight and things I found weird in bright green.
"Run," the cloaked Elder simply stated. His voice showed no sorrow or anger. No happiness or excitement. The Elder's voice was in fact a complete nihilism of emotions.
"Yes, Master! Yes, right away!" Sinclair said with a grandiose amount of anticipation in his voice. It was his turn to be the Bell Keeper! Finally, after all these months of rigorous training, he would be able to ring the bell. The young apprentice grabbed a walnut-like device on the table. He ran outside of Sprout Tower, past the several Bellsprout statues, which seemed to glare at everybody judgingly.
The young man's grandfather said that it was just because of a small stand that sold violets from Cherrygrove Village, a small community of twenty-three people. Then a stand next to it sold fresh sweet potatoes and berry juice for people who wanted something to eat and drink from the long trip to see Sprout Tower. Then when the clothes got stained from the potatoes and the juice, they opened up a clothing store. This continued into the market it was.
I'm confused on this paragraph. The way it's written suggests that those stalls were the reason that the Bellsprout statues glare, and that makes no sense. Not only that, but I have no clue what's going on in the paragraph. It just seems rather random. One more thing, when writing, write numbers as words, not numerals. It gives the writing a more professional look.
Sinclair stopped and quickly realized he needed to get to the Tin Tower as quickly as possible. He ran faster than a human being should. He was fast, faster than fast. That was why he once wanted to be a messenger. Ever since he could walk, he could run. His body was perfect for it too. Tall and lean. At the age of thirteen he had a bet made on him by a visitor from the east. After Sinclair went running to the small market of Ecruteak for some milk, the foreign man bet a local that Sinclair couldn't run faster than his Ponyta. Sinclair raced the creature through the plains west of Ecruteak, and beat the Ponyta with 20 seconds to spare. The foreign man was surprised that just a boy could defeat his Ponyta in a race.
Yeah, I'm not buying it. Ponyta are horses and there's no way a human could outrun them, no matter how fast they were.
Sinclair had just turned into a man in the past year. He always thought it was odd how somebody is a boy one day, and a man the next. He didn't argue though. After all, a man got privileges that a boy didn't. A man could have a wife, and a job. Sinclair wanted one job more than any other. The Bell Keeper. In the grand City of Ecruteak, there were several other jobs. With good training you could be a martial artist, or a farmer, or an Elder. You could become a recorder under the right circumstances, and observe every kind of Pokemon, plant, and person. But in Sinclair's eyes, the best job there could possibly be was the Bell Keeper.
How is being a martial artist a job? That's a skill and in the olden days, I can't see much it would be used for, except for perhaps a guard of some sort.
All the other jobs revolved around the Bell Keeper. He would ring for them to go to work, ring for them to take their breaks, ring for them to go home, and ring for momentous occasions. If war was about to break, or a disaster was to strike, he would ring to let people know. It was without a doubt, the single most important job.
Them? You mean all the jobs listed in the previous paragraph? All those jobs are very different and random, so they don't keep the same hours. Also, there are hundred of jobs, why would a single bell ring for all of them? The only things a bell could be used for is signifying the times of day, or the other stuff you listed, like wars and disasters.
Sinclair had been training in Sprout Tower as an apprentice. They decided who was the Bell Keeper, even though they were nowhere near Ecruteak. Some of the traditions were silly, but you NEVER doubted an Elder. They were the true rulers of Johto. After all, they predicted the rise of Kanto.
-
Sinclair kept running toward Ecruteak. The forest here was thick with branches and leaves, not to mention the occasional Carnivine or Sudowoodo. He was sick of getting hit in the face by branches. It hurts even more when you're fast. The teen stopped at a clearing and panted. He reached into his leather bag that his mother gave him, and pulled out a small Apricorn Ball. He pressed down on the "button" made of the bark of an Elm Tree, and out came a Scyther who was curious where he was.
He sniffed around the forest a good moment before Sinclair said, "Scyther, over here!"
These three looks better as separate paragraphs. In general, it's neater if you separate actions and thoughts to different paragraphs when you get something big like this. Also, Carnivine doesn't live in Johto.
Violet and Ecruteak are two different cities and I can't see them being so close that Sinclair could run to another just like that.
The green insectoid turned his head towards his owner.
'Insectoid' isn't a word. I'm not sure what else you could be going for. Maybe 'humanoid'?
Scyther nodded his head with a goofy grin and yelled "Scyther!"
Scyther are animals, I don't think their mouths can make grins.
He used his machete-like blades to cut the path towards Ecruteak. Sinclair was worried sick. He had already taken enough time as it was. What if he didn't get there in time? Would he get in trouble, or get fired?! He pushed these thoughts out of his mind. He suddenly realized his dark blue robe had been torn. It was a small tear, and nobody would notice, but it did make Sinclair upset.
When you have something with the word like in it (example: 'machete-like'), put a hyphen (-) between them.
A dialogue tag would be nice here as I wasn't sure who was talking.
Sinclair had been told by everybody to be careful around all Pokemon, trained or not. To most people, Pokemon were like magic creatures that should be feared and therefore respected. Of course they were magic, Sinclair thought, but they shouldn't be feared. They seem just like people, as if they know their power is great. They only use it in self-defense and helping others. Why should they be feared? If all things with power were feared, then we would fear the Elders as well.
Sinclair was finally outside of the forest, and saw the giant towers. They were beautiful, and had a mystic quality about them. These towers were not just giant pillars of wood, they were pedestals for the Gods that ruled the Sun and the Moon. To the east of the city, Sinclair could see the martial artists practicing with other Scyther. They were doing the "Dance of the Scyther", which was considered to be the most powerful arrangement of moves. They practiced to be like Scyther: deadly and quick. That was how Sinclair got his. His friend who turned into a man before him received one and gave it's egg to Sinclair. He had raised it like a little brother, and took it everywhere with him. Then there was the "Dance of the Feraligatr", a powerful arrangement for Warriors, and the "Dance of the Kingdra" for those who wish to be graceful when they fight. Of course, they weren't actually dances, just martial arts styles. Sinclair tried becoming a fighter, but he wasn't strong enough. He had a small obsession with time, though.
His first Pokemon was Hoothoot, given to him by his grandfather. His Hoothoot really got him inspired to become a Bell Keeper. He thought it was neat how Hoothoot could always tell what time it was, and dutifully did it by rocking back and forth going
"Hoot... Hoot... Hoot... Hoot..."
She is just like a Bell Keeper!he thought to himself when he first saw her. It seems like she has to keep on doing that, like it's important. But why is it important?
Sinclair was finally there. He walked onto the path made of amber leaves which had fallen over time. The tower was three hundred years old at this point. It seemed so old, he wondered how it could get any older without falling apart. He put Scyther back into the ball, and walked onto the sacred ground of the tower. Oh, the beauty of it. He knew that at sunset, Ho-oh would perch at the top. It would sit there for only a moment, and then fly off into the horizon.
"STOP!" said a monk in front of him. He was at the door of the Tower. A painting of Ho-oh making its world journey was arched over the double doors of the building, giving the entrance the feeling that it lead to a grander world.
The man scoffed "I doubt it. Nice try,kid. Just go home."
This is olden times, so I can't see anyone using the word 'kid', especially since Sinclair's thoughts have been rather formal.
Sinclair was shocked that the man didn't believe him. He knew he didn't look like much, but at least he had manners. The monk stepped outside.
A bit more description of the monk going inside would be helpful. I wasn't even aware he left until he came back.
"Yeah, you're allowed to go through," he grumbled.
Alright, I think this is a good time to give a dialogue lesson. Using grammar with dialogue can be tricky at the start, but practice with it enough and it'll become automatic.
First, there's the regular sentence.
"Wow, I'm tired," he said, wiping his brow.
Notice that before the second quotation mark, there's a comma. That's because the dialogue is part of the sentence, which is also why the part after it, 'he said', is called a dialogue tag. Because they're the same sentence, 'he' isn't capitalized.
Same sort of goes for the reverse. I'm not quite sure of the reason (I need to look it up one day), but dialogue after the dialogue tag is capitalized, like a regular start of a sentence.
Wiping his brow, he said, "Wow, I'm tired."
These rules of dialogue also apply to exclamation points and question marks.
"Are you?" she asked, staring at him. "I'm not."
"That's because you're riding a Ponyta and I'm walking!" he complained.
If you don't have a dialogue tag, but just action, then you use a period instead of a comma since the dialogue is a separate sentence.
She smirked, patting the Ponyta. "Oh, right. I completely forgot."
That's basically it for dialogue. If you have any questions about it, feel free to PM me.
Sinclair raced through into the ancient halls. The inside was almost as beautiful as the outside. A pillar stood in the center of the amazing room, where paintings of Ho-oh were. There were gold plated artifacts, and statues. Sinclair was amazed. An Elder was in the back of the room.
You can only choose one of those. 'Through' is probably the best choice. Also, this is a good example of a problem I've noticed. You tend to write your sentences very short and it can be jarring at times. Don't be afraid to join sentences using commas or other joining words like 'and'. It'll make sentences much smoother, especially during action scenes. As an example, here's what this paragraph looks like using commas:
Sinclair raced through the ancient halls, the inside being almost as beautiful as the outside. A pillar stood in the center of the amazing room, where paintings of Ho-oh were. There were gold plated artifacts, and statues. Sinclair was amazed. An Elder was in the back of the room.
Okay, maybe that wasn't the best example. Either way, I've highlighted the things I've changed, and it reads a bit smoother now.
"Oh! Ho-ho-ho! You made it,young one!" the Elder said. He seemed very jolly and optimistic, much unlike Elder Li.
Here's something else to work on. When you have a sentence like 'You made it, young one!', a comma should be placed before 'young one', since they're not the same sentence (the first part could be read without the second, but not the reverse, which is why comma is used). I'm not sure if I can explain this very well, but I'll try.
Here are some other example sentences:
"Hey, over here!"
"Man, I'm hungry!"
"Look at that, Michelle!"
"Wow, so pretty!"
See the commas? The sentences don't make sense when they're taken out and definitely don't look very neat. The commas symbolize pauses, I suppose you could say. Say those sentences out loud and notice that whenever there's a comma, you take a breath (well, sometimes, it depends on how long the sentence is). Also, this doesn't just extend to dialogue, but all forms of writing. It helps to read novels and just look at the formatting and grammar of the paragraphs to gain tips on where to put commas. Though, it sometimes depends on the author.
"Yes, Master! I have made it! Am I too late?"
"Not at all dear boy! (or should I say man!) You are here just in time! The sun has not yet risen over the northern mountains, so there is plenty of time! I have a scroll here which will help you. All of your food will be brought up, and if you need to relieve yourself, we have a pot ready."
"It is a great view, isn't it?" the Elder said.
"Yes, Master. It is a wonderful view! I have never seen anything this magnificent."
"Well, I'm glad you aren't afraid of heights! You'll be here for a while, so that wouldn't be good!"
There were four balconies with a room containing the bell in the middle. The Elder opened a door on the balcony which led to the Bell. It was a strange looking at the bell. It was large and made of ancient metal, perhaps older than the city itself. The inside contained a stone ringer.
"You ring it once for regular work schedule. You ring it twice for war or emergency. You ring three times for Ho-oh's arrival." The Elder paused "I am sorry to have gotten angry at you earlier. You will see the bird come in from the east. When you see it flying this way, ring the bell thrice. Now if it is an emergency, remember to only ring it twice. You can't ring it anymore after that. Most importantly, do not leave under any circumstance. Now with those instructions, and that scroll, I am off. It was a pleasure meeting you, Bell Keeper." The Elder exited through the trapdoor.
Sinclair was so excited. He had waited for this moment for years and here it was: he was the Bell Keeper! He took out Hoothoot to show her. She had been aware of his dream for years, too. The bird was very happy when she found out he wanted to be like her. He grabbed the Apricorn Ball and released her.
Didn't he already do that in the previous green highlight?
The bell was louder than loud. It was so immensely loud that Sinclair thought that the world had suddenly become nothing but sound. It was painfully loud, ear splittingly loud. So loud that they needed sixty more adjectives for how absolutely loud it was. Sinclair stood back, his vision gone blurry. How was he supposed to get used to this!? Hoothoot was scared so much that it's feathers almost came off. It took a good five minutes before his ears were able of hearing again. He stood over the balcony to watch the people scurry from place to place. After reading the instructions, he spent most of the day making up stories for what the people were doing.
Nothing wrong here, but I just like how realistic it is. Ringing a giant bell up close must be pretty painful!
"KREAA!" it roared. It gave a quick look to the town, and flew off.
"Oh no! Have I been asleep?"
-
He got up off of the wooden floor. The air was cold and sharp, and the whistling of the wind could be heard. Sinclair shook his head and looked at the horizon for any signs of danger. Below the city was sleeping, and the only signs of movement were in the Violet Market. In the south the small town of Azalea was seen. Sinclair's grandfather told him many stories, but perhaps the best was about Azalea Town. It was a small town where people believed a green creature that looked like a fairy lived in the giant forest nearby. They said the creature could move through time. It could be at today one second and tomorrow the next. The reason this town caught his attention was because a few lights in the town were still on. He heard faint screaming in the distance. A large group of leaves were shooting into the air.
Even from high up, I doubt Sinclair could see Azalea Town (or even Violet), not to mention the lights.
Nothing. He heard a gleaming sound, like air going through a tunnel, or putting your ear in a seashell. He ever so slightly opened his eyes. The green light was in front of him, and suddenly turned into the green creature his grandfather described. Sinclair scurried to the wall.
"What is it, Bell Keeper?!"
-
But no answer came.
The woman seemed irritated by his comment "This is a standard outfit for the people who treat Pokemon. Why are your clothes odd? Are you supposed to be a monk or something?"
"Are you trying to mock me, young one!?" The monk said glaring at his robes.
"No,sir. It's just that I-"
"Leave now!"
Sinclair left the building, and went to Brass Tower instead. It was suddenly night. He had no idea what time period he was in. It was obvious enough that the Forest Guardian teleported him through time. So the question wasn't where was he, it was when was he. When Sinclair stepped
to Brass Tower he saw a young couple on a bench with their Pokemon loose. A Growlithe pup and a young Jolteon were pouncing and playing with each other in a pretend battle. The couple laughed at their happy Pokemon. They were the only people around so Sinclair walked up to them.
No clue what word you're going for here.
"Um, excuse me... what year is it?"
They laughed. "It's eighteen-fifty-seven!"
Sinclair stood frozen in his tracks. Three-hundred and fifty years. He had been thrown Three-hundred and fifty years into the future, by the Forest Guardian. How was he going to get back!? What was he going to do? He suddenly couldn't breathe, but started to get some air in.
"Hey, are you ok?"
He walked into the Brass Tower. The couple followed him, and so did their Pokemon.
"Hey, what's wrong kid?"
He just sat down on the chair. He didn't know what to do. Perhaps if he went back to Ilex forest he could get the Forest Guardian to take him back. He looked around and realized that Brass Tower had been made into a gallery of some sort.
"Look, if there's something wrong you can let us know, but we're gonna go to the second floor. You can come if you want too. I hear they have a great section on the martial artists who lived here." The boyfriend said.
"That's a really neat stick you have there, sir!" Sinclair said "Can you breathe fire with it?"
The man just looked at him and grumbled, "Idiot." He threw the stick into a wooden bucket which was filled with paper and bits of food and left. Sinclair walked over to it, and the stick was burning ever so slightly at the tip. Ashes were coming out of it. He noticed some of those ashes were on the floor, and one of them was still glowing red.
"Hiiick!"
I think you need a better sound effect. It sounds like someone did a half-hiccup.
"Are you okay?" the young man yelled.
What was the point? He thought. There was no other place for him in this world anymore. He was always the silent boy/man whose only talents were perfect timing and running. And how could he even run anymore, or stand, with this broken leg? What purpose did he have anymore? There was no purpose. He was better off dead.
-
These were his last thoughts.
It's less confusing as two paragraphs.
"Arise, my child," said a voice out of the darkness. It was neither angry nor sad nor apathetic. Just powerful, like a grand storyteller.
"Yes, and you died doing a beautiful deed. Giving up your life for others. The young ones will also get a new body. They are going to be your only friends in this world."
"Well what body are you giving me?"
"I am giving you the body of a leopard, with the face of a lion. Your eyes will be diamonds, and your breath will be the northern wind. Most importantly I will give you a cloak made the water of the rivers. You will be the fastest creature in all the land, and you will have a task unlike any other. You shall be the cleaner of the waters of Johto and Kanto for all eternity."
Alright, final thoughts: you have really neat ideas, but your execution needs work, especially your description. You didn't describe much. I don't know what Sinclair looks like or any of the Pokemon, and your description concerning Sinclair's emotions were weak (except for the loud bells scene). He just seems to drift through without much personality. When he's transported to the future, he only feels confusion. No grief that his beloved Pokemon were left behind or anger at Celebi for teleporting him.
Also, I noticed you had lots of grammar errors, like random capitalization and sometimes periods were missing. Before posting, always do a close read through of your story to catch all those pesky errors. Another thing I noticed is that this story contains three chapters. That's nice, but I don't see why it can't just be a one-shot, especially since you didn't separate the chapters, only putting them in one post.
But, as said, you ideas are really interesting. I don't see many people write about the old Pokemon days or about the legendary beasts. Your idea of Suicune once being human is a cool concept, especially how he got in that position.
Well, that's about all the advice I have to give. If you have any questions regarding things I tried to explain (dialogue, punctuation), feel free to PM me.
