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Plea for the Reaper

716
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16
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  • Plea for the Reaper

    A/N: Plea for the Reaper is influenced by my interest in supernatural shifters. A very big thankies goes out to Fuyu for providing the title of my fic and to PostOfficeBuddy and Valentine for their helpful reviews of the original which helped me change this version. And to be brutally honest, I've combined the original PftR with the new one; which means it'll have the plotline of the original, and the ideas of the newer version.

    Disclaimer: This original story, "Plea for the Reaper", is rated M for mild language, violence/deaths and vague nudity when shifting.

    *****

    PLEA FOR THE REAPER​

    A/N: A very BIG thankies goes out to Sgt Shock for providing the name for the enemy and the vague description of Sobar.

    Prologue: Seeking Revenge

    For most pure-blood shifters, it was a genetic condition passed down throughout the generations. The ancestors of one shifter family, the Windclaw werecheetahs, were stunning wereleopards. This proved that a shifter could choose, at will, what animal they wanted to be. When the Windclaws were attacked at different times, the enemies made themselves known — albeit unwittingly — to their opposition. The Windclaws' only child, a she-cat, was left for dead after the brutal beheading of her father. Luckily for her, however, she was found and brought to safety.

    Waking from her unnatural sleep, she found herself in a medical wing. There was only the one bed and that was the one she was currently sitting in. It had a steel base, with a thick, heavy mattress situated on top. The sheets and doona were white, as well as the pillows. A door opened and light seemed to pour from every crack that it could get through. A silhouette appeared in the doorway and the teenaged werecheetah instantly tensed. Am I dead? Am I? What is that? Is that an angel? Where is this place? I can't be in heaven, surely? What if I am?

    He entered the room, almost like some sort of seraph. His keen azure eyes seemed to glow with this mysticism, his grace unparalleled to anything that she had ever seen before, as he showed her his shifted form's wings. Then he completed the shift back to his normal self. With him being a human, white hair was the first thing that caught her attention. Compared to his tan-coloured skin, the monk's hair naturally stood out. Dressed in a brown robe, he seemed to fit quite well into the room's surrounding vibe. The monk's sandalled feet scraped the ground as he walked, causing her ears to fold back in annoyance for the first steps. After a while, it became something of a soothing melody. That was when she knew he was her saviour.

    "You have awakened, my child." He folded his arms. "I thought my spell wouldn't be enough." His voice was soft, but still caring.

    "Who are you? And where am I?" Her tone, on the other hand, was a rasping growl. The female warrior's gaze shifted to her right where her swords still lay. Her amber eyes returned their glare to the monk as muscles rippled beneath her spotted yellow-furred pelt. She did not appreciate being brought here, and she bared her fangs instinctively. Her whole feline self was screaming to escape, but something stayed the overwhelming desire to flee. Maybe this monk could tell her what had happened. With that thought in her mind, she got out of bed. She then picked up and sheathed her swords before focusing on the monk again.

    "I am Elder Pere, and you currently reside in my specialized martial arts centre. It doubles as a medical wing," Pere answered.

    "Medical wing...? What? How did you...?" The warrior cat questioned with a surprised expression on her face. Her black-ringed tail twitched nervously as she asked this, and her breath quickened.

    Pere placed one hand on his patient's shoulder, and looked at her with eyes that seemed to smile. "My dear Kina, you wouldn't remember that your mother was killed by an enemy's ice whip when you were five."

    The werecheetah's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "How do you know that?"

    "On the day your mother died, my party wasn't given enough warning in order to protect her. She perished before our very eyes," the werefalcon answered calmly.

    There was a prolonged silence as Kina absorbed this information. "I do vaguely remember that, actually. It was twelve years ago. Why didn't your party get there sooner?" She asked, as her voice broke and tears started streaming down her furry face.

    "We had little chance of saving her. Moonlight Circle had her surrounded," Pere responded.

    Curiosity got the better of the werecheetah. Despite the tears still running down her face, she managed to phrase her question how she wanted it. "Moonlight Circle? Who are they?"

    Pere hesitated, wondering if he should tell Kina about her enemies. After more indecision, he relented. "Their leader is a shifter known as Sobar. I understand that you witnessed your father's untimely passing, as first he and then you were struck down by Sobar's arrows."

    "Were you able to save my father?"

    "I was not. You sustained a mortal wound. However, my abilities were able to bring you back. What will you do now?"

    Another moment of long silence came when the werecheetah heard of her father's death. She was devastated by the passing of both of her parents. It had happened all within her seventeen years of life, too.

    Kina closed her eyes, trying to remember a glimpse of her father's murderer since her mother's was out of reach. Green eyes, almost like a predator's, were the only thing that came to mind. They were like none that she had ever seen before, mixed with some sort of brown that was in his pupils. Other than that, she couldn't remember what fur he had, or what species he was. All she now knew was his name. "Sobar…" she muttered to herself. For some reason, darkness came to mind when she heard his name.

    A fire suddenly ignited in the warrior feline's amber eyes. "I will be ready. I will fight harder. I have been wronged. I couldn't do anything to defend my parents. I will have vengeance on all of those who commit wrongs in this world. From now on, I live for death and will be known as Kina Swordfate!"
     
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    The Last One

    Stalking Your Conversations
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  • Bravo.. I have found no mistakes.. Unless this is a typo centre.
    I hope to see more in the future
     
    Last edited:
    10,175
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    Bravo.. I have found no mistakes.. Unless this is a typo centre.
    I hope to see more in the future
    That's the British English spelling, actually.

    To help out people, here's a link to differences between British and American English spellings.
     
    716
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  • A/N: Credit goes to SS for Relena's description.

    Chapter 1: Shattered Peace

    The members of Moonlight Circle were engaged in combat with each other. There were two individuals, however, who stood apart from their malevolent comrades. Those two were Sobar, the tribal leader of panther origin, and Thorn — a mercenary. Sobar's muscles rippled as he tested his bow, before lowering his clawed hands and turning to Thorn. Thorn and Sobar often talked about the past, and today was no exception.

    "How powerful was that whip of yours twelve years ago?" Sobar snarled, noting with dissatisfaction the sluggish movements of one of his soldiers. The panther's small, rounded ears flattened angrily as his raised his bow once again and shot a warning arrow in the Komodo dragon's direction. Zechs, the red-scaled Komodo, merely turned his reptilian head and leered sardonically at his leader, flicking his tongue out at the same time.

    A snort of what seemed like amusement was exhaled swiftly from Thorn's nostrils. "Don't act like you've forgotten. You were there, remember? I have always specialized in that icy whip and freezing magic. That cheetah's mother had not a chance in hell." Thorn was a wildcat, but he didn't stick to the species' nature. Yes, he was a mercenary, but a quietly spoken one at that. His body had black and grey striped fur covering it from the top of his head to the tip of his tail. The wildcat's other weapon was his single-bladed war axe that he only used when situations got out of hand.

    "Bloody hell!" Sobar snapped, as he lunged forward and corrected Zechs' battle stance. "Not like that, like this! How many times do I have to show you?!" He tapped the lizard's head hard. "Are there any brains up there at all?!"

    Zechs had had enough. He drew his sword, which immediately ignited with flames, and pointed it at Sobar's throat. "You talk big for a panther, but you're forgetting I'm the tallessst here! I would have left you a long time ago, if you hadn't of ressscued me!" Knowing Zechs' temper, Sobar kept dodging from side to side. "Ssstay ssstill, damn it!"

    Mere moments later, Thorn's trademark ice whip cracked the air. "Alright, you two. The both of you need to calm down. Sobar, you know Zechs has a short fuse, so don't provoke him. Zechs, just pay attention to what Sobar shows you, okay?" The wildcat spoke quietly, whilst ready to crack his whip again if either of his work-mates ignored his command.

    Sobar growled disagreement, but backed off. Thorn waited, watching while Zechs sheathed his now flameless weapon. Even as that had occurred, the other members of Moonlight Circle witnessed the whole incident. When Sobar noticed the silence, he whirled around and snarled at them: "What are you weaklings just standing there like fish for?! Get back to your training!" They hastily complied, with the memory still etched in their minds for many a day to come.

    Thorn faced Sobar after Zechs had returned to his sparring and spoke softly. "Do you think she's gone?"

    The panther turned to the wildcat mercenary and simply shook his head. "Something tells me she's alive," he muttered in a likewise manner.

    "Then you didn't succeed?"

    "I succeeded, alright. But someone brought her back."

    *****

    "Relena, I'd like you to please look over Kina, if you don't mind." Pere called out. The martial arts centre had glass windows with timber blinds. These blinds were closed, but the sun's rays were still attempting to peek through.

    Being the cousin of the rabbit, a tall, longer-eared creature came over from what she had been doing. Her eyes couldn't be explained in words, they felt as though they were a lost paradox of time and space. They were searching, without her seeing at all. They looked as fragile as glass; she looked as fragile as glass. A smile graced her face that would have looked rather cute if her appearance did not exude a mysterious aura. The hare was a very interesting individual indeed. Silver fur covered her body, her eyes were glazed in a silver shine and her body was built as though she had never set foot on a battlefield; which, of course, was untrue. This was Relena, personal advisor to Pere.

    "What is it you want me to do, Pere?" the hare asked calmly. Relena had been blind from birth, yet she used the air currents to see locations and other beings. Her left ear half flopped; the muscles in it had been damaged many years ago.

    "Just check over Kina. She insists she wants to train today, but I don't think she's recovered fully." Pere answered.

    "As you wish, Pere," Relena responded. She made her way over to Kina, who was already practicing her agility and sword-fighting techniques. "Kina, please desist while I check you for any remaining injuries."

    The female warrior ignored Relena and only reacted when Relena stood in front of Kina's sword that she was about to slash the air with. "I'm perfectly fine!" the cheetah snapped after stopping her sword's action just in time. "I'm physically, emotionally, spiritually and whatever else ready. Get your paws off me! I said I'm fine!"

    "Kina, some words of advice," Relena began after nodding at Pere. "Being ready in body, emotion and spirit is not always enough. You must remember that these are highly skilled assassins. You've already died once at their hands; Pere and I are just trying to make sure that it doesn't happen again. To that end, Pere called on one of his former students to be your agent. Ramirez, you may come forward."

    A male entered the room dressed entirely in a plain black cape. He had a scarf, jet black like the fall of darkness, wrapped around his neck and flowed to the length of his arms. The white tiger seemed out of place in the brightly lit room, with the massive weights and a medical wing off to one side. His icy blue eyes flashed mysteriously within his black-striped head, before he shifted to his human form, with a matching outfit of a blue shirt and trousers enigmatically appearing on his body.

    "Ramirez," Pere welcomed the graduate with a smile. "You aren't normally here this early."

    Ramirez bowed regally, flourishing his right hand in the air, before straightening up. "I would not ignore a summons from my former teacher," he replied smoothly. "But we can not dally here much longer. The crow ripped the sun to pieces." An air of tension was felt throughout the room as Pere and Relena looked at each other, before they both stared at Kina.

    "Kina, pack your things. We need to move out now." Pere commanded, keeping his voice level, but strict enough that the cheetah understood the order.

    Sensing that something was wrong, Kina dared not disobey the monk's instructions. She immediately packed up her belongings and prepared to move out with the others. "What sort of being is Ramirez?" she asked Relena quietly.

    "He's a white tiger earth elementalist," the hare answered. Suddenly, Relena jerked her head upwards and stared sightlessly at the sky. She had heard a flock of common swallows fly off in a panic, and this disturbance worried her. I think... they've found us, she thought. "Ramirez," she called softly. Like freely flowing water, the white tiger was at the hare's side in no time. A split-second later, he was back beside Pere.

    "Pere, they're here," he muttered.

    "What? How? Were you followed?" The peregrine shifter almost hissed in response.

    "I may have been, but I don't know. I wasn't keeping an eye on my surroundings," Ramirez admitted.

    "You fool. You know that's the most important law of all. Your lack of attention will be the end of one of us," Pere snapped.

    Ramirez could vaguely remember the feeling of being watched, but he paid it no heed on his way here. It was more of a cold chill that he felt in the middle of the spring afternoon that caught his attention. He almost loathed the fact that he never properly assessed the situation.

    "You have definitely been followed, Ramirez," Relena crossed her arms. "Our enemy is present."

    A dagger made of pure ice flew through the air and only barely missed Kina by inches. If it wasn't for Relena's sudden grabbing of her arm, she would have been dead... again. She cringed at the thought.

    "You just don't like dying now, do you?" A soft voice snarled.

    "That was sloppy, Thorn," Sobar grunted. "Now our cover is blown."

    Up until that point, Thorn had used his mastery of ice to reflect the sun's rays in a way to make them almost invisible. Now, since the pre-emptive attack was gone, they were forced to make a move more carefully. Zechs had to admit, he liked that idea more so than the assassination attempt.

    "That girl," Zechs' tongue flicked in and out wildly as he spoke, "mussst die."

    "The hare pulled her out of the way! Don't blame me!" Thorn spat.

    "Your excuses never cease to amaze me, Thorn. But we don't have time for bickering," Sobar drew his bow from his back. "The reaper wants a soul back."

    "Who are you lot? Why are you here?" Kina growled, drawing her swords.

    "Pere, Relena — stand aside!" Ramirez commanded, as he appeared by Kina's side. He crouched down, shifted and thrust one clawed hand into the ground.

    "I'll take that one," Zechs remarked as he pointed to Ramirez. He looked like too much fun to pass up.

    "I want the hare," Thorn growled throatily, crossing his arms. He hated it when his plans were ruined, especially by someone who wasn't even involved.

    "I guess that girl is mine then," Sobar licked his lips.

    As Ramirez's hand made contact with the ground, dangerously sharp spires of clay shot up out of nowhere, heading straight for the evil trio.

    "You think that will work, kid?" Zechs sighed.

    The three sprung away in different directions to avoid the spires from coming into contact with their flesh. Thorn countered with a spire of ice to deflect the attack completely. "Child's play..." He said as he threw several daggers towards the opposing party.

    "Don't underestimate me!" Ramirez snarled. Almost instinctively, the white tiger stretched his arms, sending an earthen tsunami towards the three enemies. It served two purposes; as a clean defence and as a counterattack.

    This time, the trio were hit by the sudden retaliation. Thorn and Sobar managed to land on their feet after the blow, while Zechs crashed on his back. Simultaneously, they wiped the blood from their mouths.

    "Interesting. Why don't you let the girl fight on her own, tiger...?" Sobar's fangs glistened as he smiled.

    "You'll regret having said that," Kina sneered as she blocked one of the panther's arrows with her swords. She then lunged forward, arcing her right sword down towards the panther's arm.

    "Ah... that is what I'm looking for," Sobar said, pushing her away with the bow. "But you are out of your league..." Unlike the last few times, it hardly appeared he was drawing an arrow at all. Within seconds, Kina found herself knocking away waves of arrows. They were like wooden strikes of lightning attacking her all at once. Before long, her back was against the wall.

    Finally, the barrage of arrows ceased and Kina glanced quickly over at Ramirez and Relena. Relena seemed to be holding her own as she continually dodged from side to side, her actions only serving to infuriate Thorn. Ramirez seemed to be fairing well against Zechs, too. They were surprisingly equally matched. But, that wasn't the focus right now. Kina had to know why the barrage of arrows had stopped. Her eyes searched the area as calmly as she could. Where did he go?

    "Up here," Sobar spoke from the roof. He had dug his claws into the surface allowing him to have his hands free to shoot an arrow that couldn't be blocked so easily. As a precaution, he shot three arrows towards where Kina was, though he was sure two was overkill.

    Kina's head shot up, her eyes widening as she saw the arrows rapidly approach her. She knew her swords would be only able to block two of them, but what about the third? She hurriedly raised her swords and deflected the first two and then, on impulse, rolled to avoid the last arrow.

    "That was a pretty innovative move, honey." Sobar drew another one of his arrows, yet his attention was diverted when Zechs yelped in pain.

    Zechs put as much pressure as he could on the profusely bleeding arm now. Ramirez had ripped open a gash on the Komodo's arm with his claws, which had drawn an enormous amount of blood. Zechs looked as though he was trying to tough it out; but he knew that the blood lost would kill him if he didn't retreat. His teeth almost looked as though they were going to crack with the amount of pressure he was putting upon them.

    "Zechs," Sobar released his claws from the roof to land on the ground.

    "Looks like someone can't take a hit," Thorn smirked as he jumped back from Relena.

    "Ssshut up!" the Komodo hissed, in a lot of pain. "Sssobar, give the damn order!"

    Kina, Ramirez and Relena stood protectively by each other as they watched the evil trio flee from Pere's base. When they couldn't be seen anymore, Kina and her companions turned and congratulated one another on the victory. As far as Pere was concerned, however, the happiness would be short-lived. "Since they followed you, Ramirez, we have no choice but to leave here at once."
     
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  • A/N: I'd like to thank Fuyu for the name of the Borzoi, Baikai, and SS for Baikai's description. Oh, and Albin and Garland's descriptions, too.

    Chapter 2: New Day, Old Wounds

    "That tiger will die! I ssswear it upon my allegiance to Moonlight Circle!" Zechs hissed the next day as the medic, a battle-scarred stoat, did his best to put a bandage on the wound. "Nobody ssscarsss me and getsss away with it!"

    "Put him to sleep, I grow tired of listening to him complain." A new, unknown voice stated.

    Surprised, the medic glanced up and saw one of the group's best warriors standing nearby fitted in his trademark battle armour. Of the soldiers, Zechs was indeed the tallest. But this new warrior was no ordinary solider; he was, in fact, Sobar's second-in-command. With bear blood running through his veins, he towered over even Zechs.

    The stoat fumbled with the anaesthetic-filled syringe when he remembered the warrior's position and hastily jabbed the Komodo who was still ranting and cursing the tiger who had wounded him.

    "What brings you to this area, Sunstrike?" the stoat lowered his head in respect, before questioning his leader's commanding officer.

    Silence fell upon the woodland as Zechs succumbed to the effects of the anaesthetic. A few more moments passed before Sunstrike answered the medic. "Sobar suggested I do the rounds before seeking out the opposition. What was the lizard going on about, anyway?" It was only known by Sobar, but Sunstrike preferred to keep his status as a pure-blood lightning user, that he really disliked mixing with the inferior breeds.

    "A white tiger earth elementalist wounded him," the medic replied. "But don't worry too much. Zechs is always out for revenge when he gets injured; it doesn't matter whether it is a team-mate or an enemy."

    Sunstrike sniffed haughtily. "I see," was all that he said. The red-furred polar bear made as if to leave, but stopped and half-turned to face the stoat. "Has Sobar informed you that Baren hasn't been seen for a number of months?"

    "Baren?" the stoat's expression was of confusion as he scratched his head, trying to remember.

    "Doberman Pinscher, trained assassin; Baren mysteriously disappeared after his brother was killed." The bear, with a white patch of fur on his head, replied. "No? I guess Sobar didn't think too highly of Baren, then, if you don't know."

    "... Doberman? Oh, I remember now!" the medic exclaimed. "The last I heard of him he was heading north."

    "North, huh?" Sunstrike rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Thanks for the information." I'll be sure to pass that onto Sobar. Heading north meant he was seeking shelter with Argent Unit... Sobar will be pleased to sink his fangs into this piece of juicy information.

    *****

    Since Sobar, Thorn and Zechs had fled Pere's martial arts centre the day before, it had taken Kina and her companions the whole time to reach the headquarters of Argent Unit. The soldiers stood for justice and harmony and were prepared to fight to the death with Moonlight Circle.

    Argent's leader was Major Albin. There was a certain oddity about the first time you met with Major Albin. A flowing white mane trailed his every step and covered his eyes entirely. The hair on his skin was a light cream colour — a well kept coat that he proudly stated to anyone that gave him a compliment. Behind the veil of his mane were those aquamarine eyes which seemed to take in light and make it increasingly beautiful.

    Any light that didn't have a chance to touch those irises would envy the rays that did. He wasn't the largest of shifters despite his other form being a horse, yet he could be considered tall. He towered above almost anyone that he had met in his life, but no one could say that they were intimidated by him. Albin possessed a serene detachment. He would drop his thoughts in mid-conversation from time to time just to absorb his own thoughts. He could carry full conversations without a single soul in sight. Probably the most noticeable trait of his was the unbreakable day-dreaming. Once he started, it was like prying a shark away from its meal.

    "Ramirez..." he spoke wonderingly. "Who is that with you? I don't recognize that face..."

    Having not had the chance to shift back to his human form, the white tiger took one step forward in the surveillance room and bowed in respect. "Major Albin, this is Kina. She is a warrior cheetah who is being targeted by Moonlight Circle, having already died once at their paws. It was Pere who brought her back and who suggested we make for your stronghold."

    There was dead silence, enough to consume a conversation and shred it within its teeth, as a new figure looked up from some CC TV footage. Speaking of shredding, the commanding officer's teeth seemed like they were made to do that exact job. His claws were surprisingly long for a dog, yet they seemed to fit him quite nicely. Rugged for his breed, the German Shepherd's dark brown fur appeared to be ruffled with the grey and white of his stomach. Fear would instil itself in anyone's heart that had to come in contact with those sunset-like gold eyes. His name was Garland, a fitting name for a warrior such as himself.

    "Who are you?" Garland barked, turning his head. Kina couldn't help but notice his right ear. The end of the brown ear was torn completely off. It appeared to have been that way for some time. She gulped a bit. "If you don't tell me who you are, I'm going to hurt you..." He was large and slightly intimidating. Did he honestly expect people to say something to him when he could fit many of those people in his jaws? She needed to muster up courage for this discussion... a lot of it.

    "Did you not just hear me, Garland? I said..." Ramirez began, but trailed off when Garland's canine face shoved itself at Ramirez's feline one and the German Shepherd growled.

    "One thing you need to learn, laddie, is that I don't tolerate back-chatting."

    "Leave him alone." Kina spat, as her tail twitched angrily.

    Garland glared at the female cheetah that had disrespected him, as he pulled away from the white tiger's face. I'm a commanding officer; I shouldn't have to put up with lowly-ranked cats disrespecting me. He narrowed his eyes and bared his teeth as his top lip curled.

    It took Ramirez only a couple of seconds to realize what Garland intended to do. As the Shepherd's glistening fangs neared Kina, Ramirez put his life on the line and jumped in front of her. The tiger and Shepherd struggled momentarily, but Garland only backed away when he was called to check on Lucia who was resting in the medical wing.

    "Ramirez!" Kina cried. She hurried forward and crouched beside the wounded agent.

    There was a piercing silence as the white tiger closed his eyes and got his breath back. Opening his eyes, he told Kina that he would be fine, as he rose to his clawed feet. He swayed briefly and Kina supported him quickly. As the warrior cheetah looked up into Ramirez's icy blue eyes, the heart that she had hardened due to the deaths of her parents shattered and her own eyes showed a concerned expression. "Garland gave you a pretty nasty bite to the neck. Maybe you should go to Argent's medical wing yourself?" she questioned, stroking the other side of Ramirez's neck.

    "... I'll... be... fine..." Ramirez's laboured breathing stopped, as he blacked out and collapsed to the ground.

    When two Argent Unit lynx came to take the wounded tiger away, Kina seemed to be struggling with her emotions as she touched Ramirez one last time before he was whisked off. "Ramirez," she whispered longingly.

    Kina felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked over to see yet another dog commander standing proudly beside her. Much calmer than the first one that she had met, this dog seemed to be almost royalty. Long white fur fell from his body like still-lying curtains over a window. Blue eyes shone from underneath his sunglasses as he gave a smile towards the cheetah. Unlike Garland, when he showed his teeth, it was in a smile... not a fear-inducing intention. She could feel herself almost calming down to his level.

    "Ah... you must be a new recruit," the dog took her hand suddenly. He kissed it calmly. "I'm Baikai, one of the Canine Commanders."

    "Pleased to meet you," Kina gave a half smile. Did it suddenly get hotter?

    "Enjoy your stay, my dear," Baikai said as he swept his fur back smoothly. "I see talent in you. I feel like we are going to be meeting in the future. So I suppose this is a see you later, instead of a goodbye."

    As quickly as he came, the white prince-like commander disappeared into the distance. Before she knew it, all she could see was the white trench-coat and the back of the Borzoi's wide brim hat.

    *****

    Baikai, now in an "all rounder" type trench-coat with a white shirt underneath and white trousers, stood in front of his leader and went through the report he was preparing to give. He had been doing a patrol of Argent's territory, when Lucia came rushing up to him. She insisted that they both head back to the castle-like fortress immediately as one of Moonlight Circle's elite was coming.

    But as they hurried back, a giant bear — red in colour with a white patch of fur on his head — appeared and sent a lightning bolt straight at Lucia. Baikai managed to get Lucia away, but not before her blood-curdling scream entered his ears.

    "This bear..." Albin spoke softly. He, too, had shifted and was now dressed in a maroon shirt and denim trousers. "I suppose that he has some mysterious agenda planned for us. No?"

    "The bear can be a problematic one," Baikai tapped the side of his forehead. "By the control of his element and raw battle aptitude, he's a pretty high member. We will need to tread with caution, sir."

    "A high ranked member?" Albin played with his fringe a bit. "Would he be more dangerous than those other three?"

    An Argent soldier had stood near the leader since entering Albin's private room with Baikai. Of the Saluki breed, the dark-furred male whispered a string of words in Albin's ear before leaving.

    "I believe he is far stronger than they that you speak of, sir." Baikai half-lowered his head in a mark of respect. Raising it, he saw that Albin had gestured with his hand, indicating he was dismissed.

    The Argent soldier of Saluki origin had informed Major Albin of Garland's attack on Ramirez. Subsequent to receiving the information, Albin had dismissed Baikai in order to plan an appropriate punishment for the German Shepherd. While all of this was happening, Sunstrike had been watching the events unfold from afar. What did he have planned for Argent Unit?
     
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  • Chapter 3: Faded White Sunset

    The mid-afternoon sun sent its hottest rays down on the fortress headquarters of Argent Unit. Shifters with feline forms, especially those who could tolerate water, went and played in the built in pool; while canine-based shifters relaxed on fold-out chairs. Pere and Relena sat with a group of Argent soldiers whom the dogs and cats had rejected; specifically, they were a fox with computer skills, a tiger swordsman, a flying squirrel ninja and a bighorn ram telepathist.

    Pere was talking to the ram about his concern for Kina after the monk had seen the warrior cheetah together with Baikai. "I don't think it's right that he should be targeting Kina, not after she witnessed Ramirez be attacked." The monk's expression was of seemingly genuine worry.

    As he had done for the last half an hour, prior to answering a statement or putting forward a comment of his own, the ram bleated. "Elder Pere, you forget I'm a telepathist. Baikai has no intentions of hurting Kina. If he did, he surely would have carried out the deed already, yes? Besides, he has two powers, which makes him a very highly regarded member of Argent Unit. Everyone else either has none or only one."

    "Shoda has a valid point, Elder Pere," the tiger cut in. The double-edged sword gleamed in the light of the sun as the tiger examined it carefully. Nikkai was the tiger's name. He was a standard-coloured Bengal. Since joining Argent and being rejected at the same time, he, Shoda, Maxwell and Bridget had formed their own gang within the unit.

    "Why so quiet, Nikkai?" Relena asked softly.

    Bridget's hooded face stared at the monk and blind hare. Wrapped up tightly in her ninja garb, the flying squirrel looked sinister. "Because we're outcasts," she replied, equally as quiet.

    "Bridget's right," Maxwell growled. "It's like Albin's prejudiced. The only two species that stupid day-dreamer has accepted officially are cats and dogs. Nikkai's a cat, so why didn't he accept him properly?" The fox's voice was starting to rise, so Relena gently touched the troubled vulpine on the hand.

    Startled, Maxwell glanced up into the hare's sightless eyes. Relena inclined her head in Pere's direction, motioning for the fox to look at the monk. "In the beginning, Maxwell, Argent's leader was Corporal Rayleigh; she accepted all kinds of warriors. She accepted Relena and I and we were trained to be battle-ready. It was after we left Argent Unit that I set up my martial arts centre. With Relena guiding the young warriors, I trained them to be prepared for anything.

    A couple of months after that, I learned of Moonlight Circle's attack on a male cheetah — Kina's father. I grabbed her lifeless body and went straight back to my centre where I hoped my abilities would bring her back. Her memory is still clouded by the fog of death, but sooner or later she will remember that Moonlight Circle was responsible for the deaths of her parents. I fear she will become lost in a bloodlust if that happens.

    The only reason Albin accepts cats and dogs now is so what happened in my time doesn't happen again." Pere bowed his head.

    "What happened in your time?" Bridget queried.

    "Not now, Bridget," Shoda answered, after bleating again. The flying squirrel glared angrily at her companion, but her gaze softened when she saw his strained expression. Her eyes widened as she realized what Shoda was keeping hidden.

    "Later?" she insisted.

    There was silence as the ram nodded.

    *****

    Meanwhile, Kina was pacing up and down a section of the medical wing. Beneath half-lidded eyes, Lucia watched the anxious cheetah. A burst of laughter escaped her mouth and Kina whirled around defensively. The still-injured Russian Blue eased herself into a sitting position, muffling a pained gasp as she did so. "So, you're Baikai's new girl, eh?"

    "What are you on about?" Kina asked.

    "I didn't think he would find anyone again, after what happened... last time." Lucia continued.

    "Last time?" The warrior cheetah clearly still didn't understand.

    Lucia nodded briskly. "He'd been in love with a Siamese runner. An Argent patrol was coming back from a successful "elimination party" in Moonlight territory. Baikai and Florence had been staying in a wooden hut just outside Argent land. In retaliation for Argent killing some of their members, Moonlight Circle torched the hut. Baikai made it out, but clearly wanted to go back in and save Florence. He had to be pinned to the ground by a solidly built Argent lion. Florence's dying yowl echoed in Baikai's mind for many a year. His distress was that great; Albin forced the lion off Baikai and let the Borzoi howl his grief."

    Kina's expression showed shock. "Oh, I didn't know," she whispered. "I'm sorry I made him..."

    "You should be grateful," Lucia interrupted. "He sensed romantic potential in you from the moment he first touched your hand. You have the chance to make Baikai happy again."

    Emotions still circled in Kina's mind, making her hesitate. Eventually, she narrowed her eyes and nodded. "I'll do it," she replied resolutely.

    Bridget entered the medical wing at that point. "I hope your recovery goes well, Lucia. Kina, I was instructed to find you. My companions and Baikai are waiting outside at the helicopter. We must leave now." The flying squirrel turned and waited at the door.

    "Good bye, Lucia." Kina smiled faintly at the Russian Blue. Lucia simply nodded in response, before settling back to sleep.

    As the cheetah followed Bridget out of the building to the helicopter, which was waiting with whirring blades in a large meadow, Kina wondered what would happen with the rest of her time here at Argent Unit.

    *****

    Sunstrike's reported that they're heading to your location. Bayou, don't let me down. Sobar directed his thoughts straight to his best officer, who was also a Moonlight spy.

    Message received, Leader. What do you want me to do when they get here? The officer thought back.

    Do? Normally, I would say do as you please. This time, however, I'm going to say do everything you can to befriend them. Make it look as though you're an Argent soldier who has been forgotten. Understood?

    Yes, sir! Bayou, out.

    Blackness, could fur actually be that black? It was like smouldering coals from a dead fire. There was something about him that just made him look heartless or sly. Was it the way that his fangs were kept so fastidiously sharpened? Or the way his black nose seemed to twitch as though it was searching for blood? No. It couldn't be those things. They were common with canine shifters. It was his scar that made his expression full of deceit.

    A red scar trailed the right side of his face like running blood from a cut. His eye had lost all of it colourization, causing it to look like frosted glass. The left eye was the same. Both eyes held a silver fade to them due to his blindness. For a blind canine, it wasn't hard to think of him as harmless from time to time. Yet, he was far from it. He was dangerous, he was Bayou Larklight.

    Because humans thought experimenting on his eyes would be funny, the animalistic Bayou had loathed his other form ever since. The upside, however, was that his other senses had significantly increased. He could direct his thoughts to any of his fellow allies in Moonlight Circle, and they could likewise respond in the same manner.

    His mission today was to deceive the Argent group. He already knew that a telepathist was with them, so his act had to be concrete solid. If it wasn't, he would be found out. Bayou sighed and got to work on solidifying his false intentions.

    *****

    "Lady Kina," Baikai began, turning his blue eyes to the cheetah's face and smiling warmly. "It is time you learned more about Argent... as well as a bit of history about myself."

    "I learned a little bit about you already from Lucia," Kina responded.

    "Florence is no longer part of this world," Baikai answered swiftly, his tone out of character. When he started speaking again, his voice became the captivating flute it normally was. "I am Baikai Stover and my shifted form is that of a Borzoi. Though I am now a commanding officer, I wasn't always in the limelight... My brothers and I worked for a rogue gang until our youth.

    I drifted away from my brothers; my heart lay with something that could create a future, our future. I searched for my passion, my true meaning in this chaotic world. I found that passion, I found order... I found Argent Unit. My loyalty towards Argent Unit was solidified when Kai and Dorian were killed by the gang as payment for my change of heart... From there, I protected Albin's organization to work off the pain of my loss.

    Two years ago was when he saw fit for me to be promoted. I still felt empty, yet I have chosen to accept this rank. If I learned one thing, Garland isn't the best dog to work with, but I have found a kindred spirit within these walls. Baren — he set a path around the hurdle that Garland's personality placed before me."

    "Baren?" The female cheetah questioned.

    "Ah that's right, you haven't met Baren or Libra yet? If Garland hadn't of attacked Ramirez, he would've been able to introduce them to you. Baren is a fine shifter with a Doberman form. Libra, the only female commander, has the shifted form of a Chocolate Labrador," Baikai replied.

    "Commander Baikai, sir?" Bridget called back to the passenger seats where Kina and Baikai were seated.

    "Yes?"

    "We've arrived in the town of Banla and will await your return."
     
    716
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  • Chapter 4: Darker Side of an Abyss

    "Bring him in..." Albin spoke, picking up his mug of coffee. It was about time Garland knew that his actions had reached Albin's ears. It was about time he knew that this was not acceptable.

    Beaumont and Carna, two Argent officers with lynx forms, entered Albin's private room with Garland in between them. "What is the meaning of this?!" the one-eared Shepherd snapped, growling. Unlike the other Argent Unit shifters, Garland actually chose to remain in his shifted form. There was no specific reason as to why he did this, but he knew it made him more intimidating.

    "Do not raise your voice at me," Albin said calmly. "Do I have to remind you that your livelihood is based off my desires? I could be rid of you in a whim. Sit down..." Keep this up, Garland, and I'll reveal the secret even you don't know.

    "Get your filthy paws off me!" Garland snarled as Beaumont and Carna forced him into a chair. They remained by either side of him, wanting to see punishment carried out on the dog who had attacked one of their own.

    "You know exactly why you are here. Or do I have to reiterate the severity of the situation?" Albin finally turned to face Garland to stare into those empty eyes. "You attacked one of us without any right to do so. I could have you removed from your position or worse, I could have you put into a jail where you never see the light of day again." Albin appeared much more serious tha anyone had seen him before. The once calm blue eyes were aflame with authority. He did not approve of anyone believing that they were above him. Garland was nothing more than a soldier in his eyes. He would have to learn his place or lose that place, it was that simple.

    "Oh? You're talking about my attack on that tiger?" Garland feigned ignorance. "I was provoked!"

    "How were you provoked? Enlighten me on that, Garland." Albin unintentionally slammed the coffee mug on his table.

    "It is true that cats and dogs have had an inbred hatred of each other," Beaumont spoke up in a raspy tone. Even as a human, he retained the grating voice from his lynx form. "But Argent Unit is about fostering peace, harmony and justice. For a dog like you to attack one of our own could very well break the truce."

    "You are aware of this, are you not, Garland? Your heart harbours hatred, and if you keep giving it blood you will turn into a savage monster. Peace must be upheld and I will punish you accordingly. Do you understand? Speak..." Albin snatched the cup from the table.

    As Garland was about to reply, an Argent runner with a shifted Saluki form burst into the room. "Commander Garland, sir!" the shifter cried. It was obvious that the runner was in a panicked state. "That bear has entered the fortress!"

    Garland stood up immediately, glaring at Beaumont and Carna who clearly wanted to stop him. "You, hit the lockdown switch!" he ordered Beaumont. "Do it now! That bear is not getting out alive!"

    "This takes priority... however, do not think I am done with this yet, Garland. Get everyone that is able to stop that bear from escaping..." Albin waved his hand in a commanding fashion.

    The runner rushed out to get every able-bodied warrior, with Beaumont and Carna following closely. Garland made for the door, but just before exiting his leader's room, his dark eyes met with those of Albin's.

    "Garland, learn your heart before you act upon it... just remember that..." Albin turned away from the door.

    The door closed with a clicking sound. Albin looked up at the ceiling. There were many things that were running through his head — Garland, as well as the threat trying to catch his soldiers off-guard.

    *****

    It was indeed rare for Kina to have been anywhere other than her hometown, Laphoon, the capital of wind elementalists. But here she was, less than a week after being brought back to life, in Banla. Banla was known for being an individualist, having broken its borders from the water elementalist capital, Rivnal. Of course, Shoda had had a few quiet words with Nikkai and the ran and tiger now stood protectively on either side of Kina and Baikai. The bighorn ram felt darkness flowing from this town, something that had never occurred in all of the times he had visited here.

    Banla was a lower-ranked town that inferior elementalists always hung out in. Dilapidated buildings with shattered windows littered the area. Wooden-styled edifices like standard homes, barns and warehouses were falling apart, so perhaps it was no wonder that a lower-ranked town like Banla had attracted this mysterious darkness. Either way, it still made Shoda edgy; the ram was constantly glancing around, even giving furtive looks behind him every now and then.

    "Shoda," Nikkai stated, exhaling quietly. The tiger could sense the darkness as well, but now as great as what Shoda could.

    "What is it, Nikkai?"

    But before the tiger could answer, a new unknown voice piped up. "Hello, everyone."

    Instantly, Nikkai and Shoda were on guard. They faced the newcomer, a blind black canine. "Who're you?" Nikkai growled. He was suspicious of this dog, based off his edginess because of the town's dark aura. A long silence ensued before the canine responded.

    "My name is Bayou Larklight. I'm pleased to make your acquaintances."

    Baikai stared at Bayou thoroughly, as his eyes narrowed in concentration. "Master Nikkai, since you're the leader of Fated Dusk, I suggest you and Shoda stand down. Bayou is not a foe."

    A massive tremor rippled through the Bengal's muscles as he fought to regain control of his body after the order from Baikai. Nikkai was panting heavily and his face was screwed up in fury. "How can you be so sure of that?!" The tiger almost roared. "Something in this town is causing the darkness, and I think it's him!" Nikkai pointed a huge paw-like hand in Bayou's direction.

    "Nikkai's right," Shoda added. "I'm one hell of an experienced telepathist and I can't even get past his mental walls. He's definitely hiding something that he doesn't want us to know."

    Kina was concerned by Nikkai and Shoda's accusations, and so took matters into her own hands. "Who are you really, Bayou?" she questioned the blind canine with perfect curiosity in her tone.

    With the fog of death still clouding her mind, she couldn't tell that Bayou was indeed an enemy and that his friendliness was merely an act.

    As per his instructions from Sobar, Bayou answered that he was an Argent soldier who had been forgotten. Baikai had not yet touched Bayou to welcome him to the team, but after he'd replied to Kina's query, the Borzoi shifter felt no need to. Not knowing, however, he was inviting a wolf into the sheep flock. Mentally, Bayou smiled evilly to himself; the plan had worked.

    *****

    The warriors of Argent had their enemy surrounded. As per Garland's previous order, Beaumont had pressed the lockdown switch, preventing anyone from entering or exiting the fortress. In close range to their opposition, they felt sure he would defer from using his specialized element. They were right; however, instead of using his element, he charged forward and grabbed an Argent feline.

    The bear's brutish strength slung the feline over his shoulder, causing the soldier to crash into the crowd. Without much notice, lightning crackled from his palm and branched out, striking many of the opposition. Sunstrike grinned, before dashing forward. "Truly, I just don't have the time to deal with all of you," he shrugged.

    "Someone, try getting that armour off his body!" Garland snarled.

    The lynx siblings, Beaumont and Carna, took a step forward; almost like they were bending the metal from Sunstrike's back. It was like magnetism. Before long, the bear's armour was a ball of scrap metal, leaving him clenching his teeth.

    "Where are you going?" Baren, the Doberman shifter, swiftly kicked Sunstrike down. The bear flipped onto his feet before serious damage could be done. He wiped some of the blood from his mouth, before forming lightning around his arm. Baren's brow folded downward.

    "Where's Ramirez?" the Argent feline, who had been grabbed by Sunstrike, yowled. The black tom wasn't getting up. From the distance he was at, Baren suspected the red-furred bear had broken the cat's back.

    "Everyone, he's going to release that electricity. To the sides! Now!" Garland yelled.

    A wave of lightning ripped through the corridor. Everyone quickly hugged the wall before any of the electrified ribbons could hit them. Without a kill, one would have thought Sunstrike would be even more livid. In fact, he was pleased; it gave him a clean get-away. For a bear, who are normally renowned as slow movers, he could move hastily from one place to another.

    By the time everyone could get their act together, he was halfway down the corridor. Catching up to him now would almost be impossible at this point. To make things even harder, Sunstrike would send bolts of lightning through the crowd. "See ya, suckers..." Sunstrike smiled. That half-smirk was interrupted by an erupted stalagmite. He stopped in his tracks; the stalagmite closed the corridor for an escape.

    "Now look what we have here..." the white tiger moved into sight. "You are in a bit of a hurry, aren't you? Lucia is still in the medical wing because of you." Ramirez's voice was cold as he spoke to the bear. Looking back at the Russian Blue briefly, he returned his focus to Sunstrike. "I hear you've broken Dullah's back. For that, you will pay the ultimate price. Without your armour, you're susceptible to attacks."

    With the bear totally focused on him, Ramirez twitched his tail and then it happened. Garland snatched a sword from a disorganized Husky shifter and jammed it through the bear's back.

    Blood poured from the open wound in his chest. Garland had missed Sunstrike's vital organs on purpose to allow him to live, but that didn't make it any less painful. Coughing blood from his mouth was even hard to do with a blade so close to his lungs. It was a pure shame to be caught. "He... he... he..." Sunstrike laughed, touching the blade with his claws. The bear turned his eyes, before putting his palm near Garland's face. A maelstrom of lightning stormed from it, causing Garland to be blasted back. It wasn't enough to kill him with Sunstrike's condition, yet it was enough for a slight revenge.

    "Commander Garland, sir!" A hubbub of voice, from both feline and canine shifters, immediately started up.

    "I'm... fine. No thanks to that stupid hibernator!" The one-eared Shepherd growled as he stood up, feeling his face where the lightning had hit him. Already the left side was going numb. "Get this pathetic thing out of my sight!" The order was directed at the Argent lion, who began dragging the unconscious bear away.

    *****

    Something felt wrong. Even from Banla, Shoda could sense the emotions and thoughts of the warriors back at the Argent Unit headquarters. "We've got no time for this," the ram cut in quickly, performing his customary bleat before talking. "Something's happened at Argent. We have to go back. Bayou will have to come with us."

    Nikkai looked sharply at the ram and then nodded. "Right, you, come with me." The Bengal roughly grabbed Bayou and lead the way back to the helicopter. Once everyone was seated inside the aircraft, Nikkai tersely gave Maxwell the all-clear to take off.

    Bayou retreated into his mind and sent an update in Sobar's direction. A small group of Argent members have accepted me, even thought the tiger and ram suspect something is up. The cheetah is with them, alive as you believed, and unable to shift. And something has apparently happened at their headquarters. Didn't you say Sunstrike was scoping the place out?

    I did say that. Perhaps he got in over his head. When they arrive back there, I want you to rendezvous with him. But make it look like you are simply curious as to why he's there, in case you're followed. The cat's unable to shift, you say? Hmm, interesting; I might be able to use that to my advantage. You know what to do.

    Understood, Leader. Bayou, out.

    Time seemed to pass quickly as what had been an hour flight coming to Banla decreased to half an hour on the way back to Argent Unit. The whole group was silent as the helicopter continued powering through the sky. Nikkai was especially quiet as he thought of the announcement he would give to Argent when they returned. I've known all along why Albin and Argent as a whole rejected me even though I'm a feline, the Bengal thought bitterly. Now it's Albin's turn to be bitter as he reflects on why he rejected me that day. I'll make him pay...

    Shoda, too, was deep in thought. So this is the end of our time at Argent? Despite being rejected, I enjoyed my time here. What I didn't like, though, was being ridiculed due to my habit of bleating.

    When they arrived back at Argent Unit, stunned expressions crossed their faces as they saw a massive clean-up effort underway. With Sunstrike still unconscious and securely bound by shackles, two grey tabby shifters were taking the broken body of Dullah to the medical wing. Kina overheard one of them speak to the other. "Commander Garland said something about putting Dullah to sleep..."

    "Are you serious?" The second tabby replied, looking surprised.

    "He said "What good is a warrior who can't stand to fight?" Personally, I don't know what to think."

    "Oh, so NOW you decide to return, Commander Baikai." Derision was obvious in Garland's tone. "To what honour do we owe your returned presence?"

    "That's quite enough, Garland." Ramirez countered.

    "If everyone could gather in the meeting room..." Nikkai trailed off, his tone hinting at something major.

    Lucia seemed well enough, so the Russian Blue joined everyone else at the meeting room several minutes later. The gathered warriors shifted uneasily; the single thought in everyone's minds was What is he going to tell us? The Bengal waited a number of moments longer, which caused a couple of the canine warriors to growl in impatience.

    Finally, he strode up to the microphone and breathed in. "I have an announcement to make," he stated simply, after exhaling.
     

    Sgt Shock

    Goldsmith
    385
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  • The Thunderstorm: Shock's Review

    Hello Kyuu. It's about time that I gave a legitimate review on your work. This was mainly because I got lazy and didn't feel like it—which is not an acceptable excuse what-so-ever. Nevertheless, this is part of my unrestricted review style that I am implementing for this entire month. So do not feel like you are being singled out because I know you. At any rate, this is basically a review for the four chapters and the prologue in one incredibly lengthy (and slightly coffee driven) reviews. So let's begin and see if we can iron out some problems.

    The first paragraph in the prologue dumped some information on us. Reading over the prologue again even after I helped you with at one point—it just feels like something missing. That is something a friend taught me. A prologue is supposed to be eye-catching or action-filled (not always both). It's the thing that catches the reader almost instantly to your story. It's your first impression and you can't take it back. With that said, I cannot say that achieved that on the level that you probably wanted.
    A reoccurring problem is that you stopped the narration to explain the character's appearance. It's natural for a writer wanting to do this. I know I'm lectured on this before to many other writers, but it is a habit. We want to explain the person to get that imaginary out of the way. We also got a bit repetitive in sentences and I will like to see more sentence variation.


    • What is sentence variation? Shock's definition is the methodical change in sentence wording and placement for better flow. In layman's terms, changing things up to make the paragraph sound good. Keep the readers guessing, you know?
    Sentence variation is probably weaker point in your writing. However, I am not one to talk. But I'm going to point it out anyway in the best way that I can. This paragraph from your Prologue Seeking Revenge will be my example:

    Her tone, on the other hand, was a rasping growl. The female warrior's gaze shifted to her right where her swords still lay. Her amber eyes returned their glare to the monk as muscles rippled beneath her spotted yellow-furred pelt. She did not appreciate being brought here, and she bare her fangs instinctively. Her whole feline self was screaming to escape, but something stayed the overwhelming desire to flee. Maybe this monk could tell her what had happened. With that thought in her mind, she got out of bed. She then picked up and sheathed her swords before focusing on the monk again.
    Alright , you might be asking: "why did he bold all of the pronouns?" I would ask that if I was reading this review. Believe me, I'm going somewhere with this. You started most of your sentences with the same kind of notion. She did this. Her body did this. You get the point. Try to mix things up for better understanding and to avoid your work getting stagnant. Generic pronouns like "the feline" and "the female warrior" needs to be peppered in more cleverly than it is. Keep things fresh. Alright enough about sentence structure and go to something positive.

    Needless to say, I'm still a fan of this concept. I feel like you need to break away from just the shifter idea and present it as more of an original thought. There are books that have done this shifting into animal thing before. You will have to break away from being inspired by something and creating something that is you. I have been inspired by World of Warcraft with one of my stories. But it is my job to take a new spin to something that is done before. Make it your own in a way that no one has seen before.

    The first couple of chapters were indeed rather interesting to read through. But I'm going to have to get on you for Kina's character. She needs to be developed a bit more. She's not catching my interest like I would have wanted in a main character. This is more of an opinion of mine to fair. Her character seems like most of your other characters (I think that it is fair to say that since I've read quite a few of your work). What makes her different? Give her some character depth and show it in the work. She's looking pretty flat.

    With that being said, she's not looking like the main character at all. You often just switch on a completely different set of characters almost at random times. I can see where some of these are need; on the flip side, I feel like you made the entire cast the focus. So names are being thrown around and we hardly know the main character as a character (this is a problem with JL as well but I'm getting to that on another time). Since you are focusing around a war—a particular large cast of characters is needed. However, you are going to have to pick a chosen few to just focus on.

    Whew, this is pretty long and I'm still not done so bare with me. A thing about your work I can never deny is the grammar. It's always pretty sound. I've seen few grammatical errors. However, my grammatical incompetence will have to find them again. There are times though where you will kind of switch topics or tell us something that is completely random in mid-sentence.

    "As the warrior cheetah looked up into Ramirez's icy blue eyes, the heart that she had hardened due to the deaths of her parents shattered and her own eyes showed a concerned expression"
    For me, mentioning the death of her parents was fairly unnecessary. Not to mention that this sentence was horridly long. I've noticed that in your work. Some of your sentences run on for a bit of time. You can cut down most of these sentences by removing words (for example we already know Ramirez's eyes are blue from another point in the story I believe. We already know Kina's a warrior and cheetah. Etc.) You mention that Kina's a warrior, a cheetah, a female, and a feline a lot on the story. I am not picking on you. But, it's redundant.

    With that said, we need to wrap this up. This was a great start and I hope that you are motivated to keep writing. I should have a review on Justified Lunacy sometime this month. Good luck and feel free to defend yourself from my barrage of information. Talk to me, I like that.
     
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