Secret Santa 2017 (T) (IC)

gimmepie · Dec 18, 2017

Secret Santa

Welcome to the In Character thread for our RPT Secret Santa. Here you can post as the characters you have received as gifts as they attempt to deliver presents to strange locations for Santa. That's right, Santa is outsourcing now. After all these years the business has finally grown enough to expand.

Before you get started though, we do have some things for you to keep in mind. The standard RPT rules do apply here and it is preferred but not required that character interaction be written as joint posts. Make sure you get your posts in quick because this thread closes January 15th.

Now back to the fun stuff. Remember those zany locations I talked about? Well we have prepared twelve for you, but you are in no way limited to these locations if you have some creative ideas of your own.

Candyland
Self-explanatory name is self-explanatory. Literally everything here, including the locals, is made of sweet sugary treats. It's inadvisable to try and eat people or their property but that doesn't mean it isn't possible.

The Spoopy Forest
A dark and creepy forest that is populated entirely by mangy, wild-like children… and the Hypno that uh… takes care of them? Not totally sure if Pokemon can be held accountable for kidnapping but his charges don't seem to mind.

Impossible Park
Impossible Park is a waterpark located somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean… under the water. It has everything you'd expect from your typical water park - rides, exhibits and extremely unhealthy food (with extra salt) but with a special logic-defying twist.

Giant Village
Honestly, this is a pretty ordinary town. Cute little cottages, mostly well-behaved little kids and this lovely little park. It's just that little is a relative term here because it was built with its inhabitants in mind and the people who live there happen to be literal giants. Yes their presents need to be to scale.

The Pit of Poor Resolution
So this is a giant ball pit… I think. It's honestly really hard to tell because for some reason the resolution is just terrible… and what's with the colour mixing? It's all varying shades of blue. If you manage to navigate this place and actually find a child you probably deserve a medal. Just… what?

The Totally Not Haunted Haunted House
Well at least, everyone says it's haunted. Like, nobody has ever seen a ghost there but there's creepy ass porcelain dolls in every room, broken windows, conveniently placed mirrors and I swear to god that painting is watching me. Nobody seems to be living there at all but hey, it's on the list.

Club Penguin
No it's not what you're thinking. This is a legit club located in the antarctic somewhere. All the penguins come here to hang out and the adult penguins do adult penguin things while the little penguins are left in the creche. Don't make the bouncer angry. The penguins only really party during the Christmas season and if you disturb them they will slap you. Hard. Very hard. You will get penguin slapped.

The Little Pop Idea
This place is horrible. Good lord, WHY? At first you think you've walked into a normal apartment complex but then you will almost certainly try to get in the stupid elevator and that's when it happens. The laugh track. The minute you step through that door (that is not copyrighted at all in any way) you have entered everyone's worst nightmare. A sitcom universe where every bit of bad humour or misfortune is accompanied by an apathetic, mocking laugh track.

Bitchpark
I don't know what you thought I meant but this happens to simply be the home of a large number of amazonian Shiba Inus. Absolutely no men are meant to be there… or cats. In fact, looking at the time… well any males who enter stand the risk of being cuddled and slobbered on quite excessively.

The Underground
Literally, this place is underground. It's a dark cave society where the inhabitants are extremely friendly snails. Well, I say extremely friendly but that's only from 6am to 6pm. The rest of the time they are blood-thirsty murder snails. But even murderous invertebrates deserve a merry Christmas… right?

Memeville
Okay, so there is somewhere worse than The Little Pop Idea. This place seems like an ordinary cartoonish city… but it's not. Oh no. It's a horrible capitalist dystopia where you have to pay just for the right to breathe the air, where there is little scenery left that hasn't been exploited, where people wear the most bizarre knitted garments and reference crappy memes 24/7 and where every five minutes their god-awful theme song plays. Truly this is a vision of hell… but there's kids there so someone has to brave it.

Foxrally
No really, inside Foxrally. If you couldn't tell right now, this person is obviously possessed by demons and unfortunately demons reproduce. Yes demons are making smaller demons inside of Foxrally. Turns out, they were well-behaved abominations this year too… well what I'm getting at is that somehow you need to get inside of Foxrally and leave some presents for the demon babies. I saved the worst for last ngl.

Have fun!

Groc · Dec 21, 2017

In Which a Strange Magicial Boy Comes Inside

"Hmm... tra la la..." Puro mumbled as he sleepwalked through the shipping department. Elves scurried out of his way, but he seemed to instinctually dodge and weave around them. At several times crisis was only narrowly averted, and more than one elf wanted to intervene, but that old myth about never waking up a sleepwalker took on a dangerous new meaning when that sleepwalker could alter reality on a whim.

"*yawn*, Puro deliver gifts now... get comfy pillows from the fat man... maybe new blanket too..." Puro stopped in front of the manager, who checked his list. "Uh... yes, Puro, we have a shipment here for little... Shuggarath? Apparently his location is 'Inside Foxrally'. Also, apparently the kid has 27 genders, but prefers to be called male. The present's over there, in the box with the 'Biohazard' wrapping."

Puro didn't move, except to loll his head to the side and snore softly. "Puro deliver present... Hand now, please..." He slowly raised his arms, his oversized sleeves dangling loose. The manager elf grumbled, but went and got the gift. "You're lucky you have powers. I don't think the boss would keep you around if he didn't need you." He rudely shoved the box into Puro's hands, jolting the boy partially awake.

"Hmm, wha? Oh... gift..." he opened a swirling green portal in front of him before dozing back off. "Boss not need you, tho... You replaceable. You expendable..." The ground shifted under the manager elf's feet, slanting down and dumping him into another portal. The elf screamed for help as he fell, but the portal abruptly closed, cutting off his yells. Puro smiled in his sleep as he walked through the portal.

Meanwhile! Thousands of miles away...

It was either very early or very late. Foxrally didn't know which, but it didn't matter at the moment. He was more concerned with As the Dust Settles. It was a very entertaining thread, which everyone should go read, and he needed to let his friend know that he'd liked their latest post.

As soon as he clicked the button, a completely unrelated portal opened up, revealing Puro and his questionable gift. The boy put one finger to his lips, silencing Fox before he could speak. Or maybe he was stifling a yawn. Either way. "Shh..." Puro shushed, running his other hand along Fox's cheek. "Just let this happen..."

Puro opened his eyes, which glowed with eldritch purple light, and Fox felt a sharp pressure behind his eyes. The pain faded as quickly as it had appeared, and Fox found himself alone again. A second later, he lost all memory of Puro, and went back to what he was doing before.

Meanwhile! In the kind of gray area between dreams and waking, you know, where spirits live and stuff? Astral Plane kind of thing? That place!

It's a little known fact that when a demon takes over your body, they don't actually live in your body. They cuddle up to your soul, which lives in your mind palace. That's where Puro found himself now, although he was too unconscious to notice. Still sleepwalking, he stumbled through Foxrally's soul room, which the demons (plural) had redecorated. And taken some of the furniture. If it had been an actual room, Fox probably wouldn't get that security deposit back, either. The point is, the part of Fox's soul that housed demons looked like Detroit under a sepia filter.

Green tentacles sprouted from several buildings, and wild memes flitted through the beige sky, or roamed the streets in packs. An escalator led up to a floating laptop computer, where Nerites was holding a tea party with Quantum and Giron. Star Gazer brought biscuits, but couldn't stick around. (Of course not, she's one of Groc's characters. That guy's never around when you want him.)

All of this was lost on Puro, who rode the escalator in silence. Halfway up, it had to stop for repairs, so Puro just opened a portal to the top. While the repair man cussed him out for basically making his job obsolete, reality altered itself so Puro could just walk through the cat door. Not even a doggy door, a cat door. "Tra la la, special delivery..." Puro sang as he walked in.

Inside was a Lenny-faced alien and a small yellow creature, who was sitting in a toy biplane and yelling "Happy feet! Wombo combo!" The alien hopped in place as it spoke in a robotic monotone. "Hey. How did you get in here. I barred those windows weeks ago."

Puro sat down, too tired to stand anymore. "Puro deliver gifts... Puro is good Santa..."

"Oh. I get it now. My boy has been such a good child this year, so he gets a gift. Honestly, I'm ashamed. I tried raising him to be a disrespectful little ****, but all he wants to do is bake cookies for the homeless. Or something like that. I honestly don't pay attention to his life. I'm a good demon but a lousy parent. Oh well. Give it here, you little troll."

Puro trundled over and gave little Shuggarath his gift, patting the demon boy on the head. "You're a soft kitty..."

"Now get out of my house you goody two shoes scumbag. I'm going to the gym to try out that new exorcise equipment. That was a pun. Hahahahaha."

Puro opened a portal, walking through and going back to the North Pole. He laid down in his bed and nestled deeper into his sleep.

Meanwhile! In Arizona... wait, seriously? Who lives there?

The elf manager landed on the ground, still screaming from when he had fallen into the portal. After a moment, he realised he wasn't falling anymore, and promptly shut up. Looking around, he saw nothing but sand and rocks as far as the eye could see. He sighed in resignation, trudging through the desert until he could get a signal and call for a ride.

And everything worked out in the end.

Secret Santa 2017 (T) (IC)

gimmepie

Groc