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A Blanket Of Dreams [my first and only fanfic]

Desaparecidos

[Bright Eyes]
85
Posts
19
Years
  • Age 39
  • mass
  • Seen Oct 15, 2004
ok, first thing; i wrote this part i'm about to post around four years ago. i am always busy with Hockey, so i have yet to finish this story. it starts off to be just another predictable fanfic, but as i post more you will see how my writing has changed.

i know a lot about the grammer mistakes, and run on sentences.



and some facts about the characters;

Brian: around 5'3", dark brown hair, hazel eyes.

Eric: 5'4", brown hair, green eyes

Frank: 5'4" light brown hair, brown eyes

Josh: 5'5" blonde hair, blue eyes











any other questions, just ask. thanks!



and i'll post the rest of the chapter as soon as i'm done typing it from my printed copy. my old computer died and i lost the disc it was saved on, so all i have left is the original copy i printed.







enjoy ;D








Chapter one- A New Beginning



?Oh man I can?t wait for tomorrow! I just can?t wait to start my Pokemon journey!?

A young boy named Brian lays in bed late at night tossing a toy Pokeball into the air and then catching it. Brian is a trainer from the town of Tellap; well he will be starting tomorrow. In Tellap, you have a choice of four Pokemon to start your journey. Those Pokemon are, Bulbasaur, Charmander, Squirtle, and Pikachu. Each Pokemon has there own strengths and weaknesses. And for the first time in six years, there will be a trainer for each Pokemon. Those trainers are Josh, Eric, Frank, and obviously Brian. Each trainer is actually friends, and met at Pokemon starter school. I wonder what Pokemon the will-be trainers will pick?
Well it seems Brian has finally fallen asleep, and pretty late too. It?s already three-sixteen in the morning. His mom would be very mad if she found out he was still up. Well good night Brian and good luck tomorrow starting your Pokemon quest.

?Errrr! Errrr! Errrrr!? the Snorlax figurine clock radio angrily blared. Brian groggily slumped over and hit the ?off? button.

?I?m up already! Man.? He said sarcastically. ?Hey! Wait a minute. I?m going to get my Pokemon today!? Brian shot up faster than a Raticate?s quick attack. He whipped the covers off and jolted out of his room and down the stairs. He then raced right back up laughing. I guess he realized he has to get fully dressed first. He came flying down the stairs again, kissed his mom goodbye as she tried to get him to eat something first, and then ran out the door.
Brian, like the other trainers will be going to Professor Maple?s laboratory to receive their very own Pokemon. It was a warm day. Brian looked up, having to advert his eyes to see into the sky because of the bright sun. He could hear tons of wild Pokemon everywhere, but he couldn?t focus on anything. Brian was extremely excited, and who could blame him?
Halfway there he saw Eric jumping off his porch and waving bye to his parents. As soon as they saw each other, Eric ran to Brian?s side.

?Hey Brian! What?s up man?? Eric called out happily.

?I?m so excited to get our Pokemon! It?s going to be awesome!? Brian just as excited called back.

?Yeah me either! I might choose Bulbasaur or Pikachu.? Eric paused. ?I?m still not sure yet.?

?Well you know who I?m going to pick!? Brian laughed, as did Eric.

?I guess you?re going to pick Charmander? Huh?? Eric rolled his eyes because he already knew the answer.

?Hey, he?s been my favorite since I was born!? Brian replied. ?Plus I want to follow in my father?s footsteps, and maybe someday have a Charizard half as strong as his was.? Brian added in a somewhat sad monotone. Eric shrugged and they both kept walking towards Professor Maple?s through a small brush of forest.
Brian and Eric could hear familiar voices coming from behind. They both turned around and instantly felt a sharp stinging pain to their heads.

?Owww!? They both screamed, rubbing their hands on their heads.
?That was embarrassing!? Yelled Frank laughing. Josh also joined in on the amusement of what just happened. Brian and Eric turned back around to see what hit them so hard.

?Wow. We should definitely watch were we?re walking from now on.? Brian said, as he looked puzzled at the low hanging tree branch that knocked them silly.

?You can say that again.? Eric replied. Frank and Josh added more laughter.
Leaves started falling from the tree. Also, a faint but clear buzzing sound was coming from the tree.

?What is that noise?? Frank asked confused.

?I can?t hear anything.? Brian said back, still shaking off the effects of the branch.
All of a sudden blurs of yellow and black bodies swarmed around them. Josh was the first to notice what they were.

?Beedrill?s!? He screamed out. ?Run!? They all took off as fast as they could. Jumping over rocks and bushes. The swarm of angry Beedrill?s were hot on their trail. Brian started sweating as he pushed his way through deep brush and thick roots that sprouted out of the dirty ground. As soon as they made it back on the main road they knew they were ok. Although they didn?t take any chances, so they just ran the whole quarter mile left to the Laboratory without stopping.
They dove through the double oak wood doors all out of breath. Brian threw his hands on his knees and heaved for air. He wiped his forehead with the jacket he earned after graduating from the Pokemon started school.

?What happened to you guys?? A voice called out. It came from a man who looked around forty years of age. His hair was mainly white, but had spots of gray, which looked like pepper.

?We got chased by an angry group of Beedrill?s? Brian hoarsely replied.

?Well, at least you all made it on time. I guess you all must be really excited too. Right Frank?? Professor Maple laughed. Frank whipped his head around and quickly put down a book titled, ?Eevee And It?s Evolutions? Written by Maple himself.

?Oh sorry.? Frank sheepishly half smiled.

?So! You guys must be anxious for what I have for you four.? Maple said.

?Yes we are!? Eric cried.

?Well here you are!? Professor Maple laughed.
He pushed a large red button on a glass table. There was a loud clang and the table flipped over to revile four Pokeball?s.

?I think I know what those are!? Brian?s face lit up like an Electrode.

?Yes. These are the Pokemon I have received from the school for you guys. Now it?s just a matter of who will get whom?? Maple laughed.

?Well I?m going to pick Squirtle!? Josh answered quickly.

?Ok. Here?s your Pokemon.? The Professor handed over the Pokeball, which carried the water turtle type Pokemon to Josh. Josh?s face looked incredibly happy.

?Umm, can I have Pikachu?? Frank asked excitedly.

?Sure. But remember, Pikachu is a handful for a beginner trainer.? Maple said cautiously, but Frank didn?t hear one word of the Professor?s advice because he was too thrilled for his new Pokemon.

?I?m going to pick Bulbasaur!? Eric called out his choice.

?Here you are Eric. This is my personal favorite of the group, a really good choice for a novice trainer.? Maple handed over the Pokeball to Eric?s wide-open hands.

?And I guess that leaves Charmander for Brian.? Maple called out. Brian was ecstatic. He couldn?t even believe his eyes.

?Oh yes! Charmander!? Brian yelled.

?This is perfect, well it looks like you?re all ready to start your Pokemon adventures.? Maple gleefully said. ?I just have two things left.?

?And what?s that?? Brian curiously asked.

?Your Pokedex, which carries hundreds of different Pokemon data, and??

?And what?? Frank interrupted the Professor.

?And good luck to all four of you!?

?Thanks Professor!? They all yelled happily.

?I have some work to do now, so you all have to leave. Go and start your journey?s!? The Professor added.

?Ha ha! Yes!? Eric yelled as they got outside.

?I can?t wait to start my training!? Brian yelled back.

?Yeah, but if we had a battle right now, my Squirtle would beat all of your Pokemon!? Josh said triumphantly.

?No way! Pikachu would thundershock your Pokemon into submission!? Frank screamed back.

?Hey! Lets battle it out right now! Lets have a four-way battle! Eric added.

?Ok! That?s a great idea!? Brian yelled in agreement. ?Every Pokemon trainer for themselves!?

?Ok, Go!? Eric screamed.
Each of them except Brian threw out their Pokeball?s to battle.

?Go Squirtle!? Josh yelled.

?All right! Pikachu go!? Frank sent out his Pokemon.

?You?re up. Let?s see how well you are. Go Bulbasaur!? Eric cried.
Brian was still in amazement that in a few seconds he will be seeing and training his Pokemon. Not just a Pokemon, but a new friend as well. In his mind, he is wondering about the future with Charmander and his whole journey. The adventures they?ll have and all the fun times. Somehow he knew, before he even sees his Charmander, that they?ll become the best of friends.

?Hurry up!? Eric yelled, bringing Brian back from his daydreaming.

?Yeah! Lets go Brian!? Josh added.
Brian gave them all a quick glance of confidence.

?Ok, I?m ready. Go Charmander!? Brian pushed the small button on the Pokeball. It enlarged to four times the regular size. He then threw the Pokeball to the grass. They all watched as a bright light blasted through the air. When the light started to fade, a body stood in its place. An orangey lizard type Pokemon appeared. Brian?s eyes lit up, and a giant smile crossed his face. It was love at first sight. Brian looked at his Charmander, and Charmander looked at Brian.





[rest of the chapter to be continued as soon as i'm done typing it.]
 

Mr Cat Dog

Frasier says it best
11,344
Posts
19
Years
First thing - Past/present tense mix-up. Your first paragraph was entirely in the present tense, whereas everything else was in the past. This may be something like narration, but it doesn't really fit in with the rest. If you want to improve, you should switch it all to past - even the bits with the narration.

Second thing - This doesn't seem very real. It's not exactly likely that there will be only 4 trainers and only 4 Pokemon. If this was real, then a fifth trainer that was just as elegible wouldn't be able to get a Pokemon. If this was real, there probably would have been more of a choice and a few more trainers coming along as well. Also, this screams "PREDICTABLE PREDICTABLE", and although you said it started out like that, I shlal have to wait and see exactly how it breaks from the classic OT tradition.

From what I can see, most of the description is good. The morning scene seemed a bit rushed, but at least you included it (unlike some other people in fics). And Charmander coming out of the PokeBall was also well told. Well done ^_^
 

Lily

◕ ‿‿ ◕ double rainbow.
3,329
Posts
19
Years
Consider rereading or editing your story...because I caught past/present tense mix ups and the fact that some of your paragraphs were merged with sentence fragments. Those make the fact of reading your fic very confusing in my eyes. Try sticking with one of them. For this case, I would advise on the past tense, since it fits well with your story and all.

Ooh....rushed. Try to ease it down a bit. I can sense all the hyperness practically flying through the beginning. That, however, DOES express Brian's eager nature to finally go on a Pokemon Journey again, but try to add more details on the parts where people would find it the most interesting part to read. I liked how you wrote the last part asides from the tense mix ups...very nice with the Charmander!

Overall, the four Pokemon with Pikachu and the four trainers involved in it wasn't using much of originality, but you never know how it is going to turn out later on. Good luck on the next chapter! ^_^
 

Desaparecidos

[Bright Eyes]
85
Posts
19
Years
  • Age 39
  • mass
  • Seen Oct 15, 2004
yea it is really rough. it was actually copied a little wrong. because i typed it in word, but then when i pasted it here it went weird.

the past present mixup is just the narrator speaking. i actually cut him out in the next few chapters if i remember correctly.


i know it needs a lot of work, but it does get better.

i've had friends who hated Pokemon read it, and actually want me to finish writing it so they could read the rest.


as for it being rushed, yea it really is at the beginning. i might re type it at somepoint to add background info or anything else.

thanks a lot for taking the time to read it and critique it. i appreciate it. i hope you'll soon like it =D
 

Desaparecidos

[Bright Eyes]
85
Posts
19
Years
  • Age 39
  • mass
  • Seen Oct 15, 2004
[conclusion to chapter one]











Charmander knew that Brian was his new trainer. He gladly accepted that. He looked at Brian in a curious face to see what he wanted him to do.

?Ok. Let?s make up some ground rules for the battle.? Frank said.

?How about just one rule?? Josh interrupted. ?Full on four on four at the same time, last Pokemon standing wins.?

?That sounds good to me.? Eric calmly said.

?Yeah, same here? Brian added.
Before anyone said go, Frank jumped ahead and called out to his Pokemon.

?Tackle Attack Pikachu!? Pikachu ran hard and fast at the nearest Pokemon, which happened to be Squirtle. Catching up to the quick starting battle, Josh assertively tried to counter the attack with his own.
?Squirtle! Quick attack!? Squirtle barely dodged Pikachu?s tackle and charged at Bulbasaur.

?Bulbasaur use growl!? Eric screamed. Bulbasaur nodded at his trainer?s command. He started to shake his hefty bulb on it?s back and opened his mouth to let loose a fearsome growl. Squirtle seemed effected by this as he lost his footing and fell over his feet. This is when Brian took advantage of the situation.

?Use scratch Charmander!? Brian called. Charmander brought back his right claw, and let loose a giant scratch onto the turtle Pokemon. It hit the already dazed Squirtle with such force it actually flipped him over.

?Squirttleee!? Squirtle cried in pain.

?Squirtle use bubble!? Josh yelled scared he might already lose. Squirtle got up slowly, but shook off the attack and opened his mouth to produce hundreds of tiny bubbles. He took aim at Charmander and shot the stream of crystallized, foamy bubbles right at him. The attack hit him hard, but he kept to his ground.

?Charmander, use another scratch attack!? Brian called out to his beloved Pokemon. Charmander again took his claws to Squirtle. Squirtle took the hit and looked back at his foe.

?Bulbasaur use leech seed!? Eric called from his standpoint. Bulbasaur shook its bulb again, but this time little shaped seeds sprung out of its bulb and flew into Pikachu. The seeds sunk in to Pikachu?s body slowly. The effect would soon zap a lot of Pikachu?s power.

?Pikachu shake that off and use thundershock!? Frank ordered. Pikachu listened and squeezed its body extremely tight. Sparks of short electricity started forming at the electric mouse?s cheeks. Bulbasaur looked back in terror as Pikachu let loose the cannon of high-powered electricity.

?Bulbaaaa!? Bulbasaur yelled in obvious pain.

?Bulbasaur tackle!? Eric yelled hoping he was still ok to continue. He growled back at Pikachu and charged. He ran with all his might and collided with him. The collision sounded like a small tree falling. They both went down hard. This time Pikachu got up and charged at Bulbasaur.

?Bulbasaur watch out!? Eric cried out scared. Too late! Pikachu had the speed advantage and pelted right into Bulbasaur. Bulbasaur let out another sharp cry of pain. Then it did something amazing. Bulbasaur shook it?s bulb again, this time violently. Huge razor sharp leaves that were sent out ripped through the summer air like a hot knife through butter. The move was called razor leaf, and Bulbasaur shouldn?t have learned that move for quite some time.
It struck Pikachu incredibly hard. Pikachu went down wincing. He tried to get up, but slumped right back down. Pikachu looked more like a lifeless doll than a Pokemon. Josh was extremely happy that his Bulbasaur had beaten Pikachu and learned a very strong move in the process.

?Pikachu!? Frank yelled running towards his Pokemon desperately worried. ?I?m sorry buddy. You did really great!? Frank then recalled his Pokemon to his Pokeball and watched the rest of the hectic battle. While Bulbasaur was taking a quick break from the battle, Charmander and Squirtle were still toe-to-toe.

?Charmander use leer!? Brian coached his Pokemon. Charmander opened his mouth and let out a, ?Charrr!? The move sent Squirtle stepping backwards a little, leaving just enough room for a tackle, and that?s just what Brian called to do. Charmander sped to Squirtle?s dazed body. He bent his head down and lifted it right into Squirtle?s, as he was a foot away. It sent both Pokemon down, but only one in pain.
Charmander rose first as he waited for Squirtle to respond. Squirtle was just getting up when they all heard Eric?s voice call out to his Pokemon.

?Bulbasaur! Tackle now!? Bulbasaur dug his feet into the dusty and dirty ground and ran at Charmander at top speed. Bulbasaur was only about fifteen feet away, so Brian had to act fast.

?Charmander, instead of countering just jump out of the way now!? Brian quickly called out. Charmander barely got out of the way as Bulbasaur blurred past him. He couldn?t stop at the speed he was going at, and accidentally slammed into Squirtle! What a move from Charmander! That easily finished off both Pokemon as they slumped over fainted. The bright lights again flashed and the two Pokemon that were just lying there now vanished.

?All right!? Brian beamed with excitement.

?That was a great match!? Frank called out to the others.

?Yeah! Great job guys! ? Eric added. ?You used your Charmander really well Brian.? Brian turned a little red.

?Well it was all Charmander who did it!? Brian replied.

?Charrr!? Charmander said happily. Brian got down on one knee so he could be eye to eye with his Pokemon.

?You did great Charmander! I?m so happy you?re actually going to be with me.? Brian said smiling at Charmander.

?Charmander!? Charmander seemed really excited as well.

?Well I guess this is it guys.? Josh said

?Yeah, we better get started on our you know what?s.? Frank added.

?Hey! I got an idea!? Eric cried happily. ?Let?s meet back here in one year. You know, the annual Tellap Pokemon battle royal??

?Yeah that?s a great idea! I bet we?ll all be way more experienced and have a bunch of gym badges under our belts.? Brian exclaimed.

?Alright sounds good to us!? Josh said looking at Frank.

?Ok! Then it?s final. We?ll all meet back in Tellap in one year and enter the tournament.? Eric said proudly.

?Alright, well I still have to go home and pack and get ready. So good luck guys! Cant wait to see you all again!? Frank said goodbye and waved as he ran to his house.

?Yea I got to get going too.? Josh said sadly.

?We?ll miss you man!? Brian said. Eric picked up his bag and gave one last wave to his friends.

?Well it looks like it?s goodbye.? Eric said.

?Yeah, but not forever.? Brian quickly added. Eric laughed. They gave each other one last handshake.

?I?ll definitely see you all here next year.? Eric said as he walked away.

?You better!? Brian yelled laughing. Eric smiled back and waved goodbye. Brian turned around and started for his home. He thought about putting Charmander back in his Pokeball, but after looking down at him he quickly thought otherwise. Plus nowadays, tons of trainers left their starting Pokemon out of their Pokeballs. Brian looked down again and saw that happy face he longed for in a Pokemon. He grabbed Charmander and threw him up on his shoulders. Charmander felt so warm and snug on his back. It may not of looked like it, but a tear was forming in Brian?s eye.

?Hey mom!? Brian yelled as he opened the door to the only home he?s ever known. ?Look what I?ve got!? He heard noises coming from the kitchen so he walked there. He saw his mother bent over at the fridge, stuffing packaged food containers and juice boxes into his bag.

?Oh hunny!? I knew this day would come sooner or later.? His mom said sadly. ?I packed everything you need on your journey. I also made ?Momma?s famous muffins too!?

?Awesome! Thanks mom!? Brian yelled in joy. ?But I guess this is goodbye, well for now. But I promise I?ll be back real soon. Oh wait, I didn?t even show you the Pokemon I got from Professor Maple!? Brian said excitedly.

?Oh Brian! He?s so cute!? His mother shrieked. ?Can I hold him??

?Ummm yea?? Brian said, but Charmander was already through the air landing in Brian?s Mother?s arms.

?Charrrr.? Charmander silently cooed as Brian?s mother pet behind his ears.

?Ok, well let?s get going Charmander.? Brian said. And just like that, Charmander jumped out of that trance and landed back on the floor.

?Well Brian?? His mother hesitated. ?You?ll soon be on your way, and it?s going to be hard and scary out there. And if you ever need anything? well I guess I?m trying to say, is that, I?m going to miss you so much!? His mother was beginning to cry. ?I know you?ll be back someday and that you?re old enough to go, but I guess all mother?s want to keep their babies forever!?

?I know mom.? Brian started to feel guilty about leaving. But he knew he had too. ?I?m going to be a Pokemon master someday and you?ll be right there watching!? Brian yelled proudly.

?I wouldn?t miss it for the universe!? His mother cried. ?Go out there and bring me back that trophy!? She grabbed Brian and embraced him with the hug of his life. ?You stay out of trouble, and go to bed at a decent hour!? She cried.

?Ok mom!? Brian replied chokingly. ?I?m going to miss you mom!? Brian said as she finally let go of him.

?Here?s your bag sweetie.? She said. She gave him one last kiss. Brian threw the bag over his shoulders and started walking out the door. He turned around and ran back to give her one last hug.

?I?ll miss you! I love you! Good luck!? His mother yelled to him as he finally made his way out. Brian turned around one last time to wave goodbye.

?Charmander!? Charmander gave his salutations and ran up to Brian.

?This is so hard to see my baby leave. I wish he could stay forever. I hope he?ll be ok. I hope he never meet?s any of those horrible people that killed his father. Those Team Rocket?s better stay away from him. I love you so much Brian.? His mother thought as she watched him leave. The last thing she saw before she closed the door was her only child walking besides Charmander, heading for Miracle Forest to start his quest at becoming a Pokemon master.











[chapter two will be here shortly]
 
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