Pokedragonfire
ph34r |\/|y 1337 n1nj4 5k1||z
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- Seen Jun 18, 2008
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Our friends from the Johto Times are hosting a favorite Pokémon poll - and we'd love for you to participate! Click here for information on how to vote for your favorites!
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Cyndy, May, Hero (Conquest), or Wes - which Pokémon protagonist is your favorite? Let us know by voting in our poll!
A cool story that needs proofreading!
- Thread starter Pokedragonfire
- Start date
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This would go in Other Fanfiction and Roleplay. ^_^; I'll move it for you.
*moved*
*moved*
Pokedragonfire
ph34r |\/|y 1337 n1nj4 5k1||z
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- Seen Jun 18, 2008
Okay, then, thanks :D I really didn't know what to put it in :)
Cherrim
PSA: Blossom Shower theme is BACK ♥
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^_^; You still working on it? If so, I like the premise. You've got some good ideas here, and I'd like to see more of the story. For any extra ideas, you might want to have Firewing help out with some sort of quest in which he has to put the orb he received to use. You may also want to put a little more description in it, too. You were fine in the beginning, but I can't visualize Smoketooth as well as I can see Firewing. ^_^; It's no big deal, but description really does help fiction come alive. I did make a few corrections, if you don't mind (as you did ask for a proodreading ^^;).
***
In the kingdom of dragons, at the top of the highest mountain, is a group of the wisest, most intelligent, bravest, and most pure-hearted dragons who are always solving the most difficult problems which occur withing the dragon kingdom. These, whom are called the council of dragons, unselfishly solve any and all problems that a dragon or mythical beast may have. They are the most highly respected of all dragons and the group takes only the best dragons. Firewing wanted to be one of them. More than anything in the world, Firewing wanted to sit atop Mt. Dragon and solve the most difficult tasks. He wanted to go on adventures, seeking the truth, and helping those in need. It was all he dreams of ever since he was a young chick (the term for a baby dragon). He was an ordinary dragon living on Dragon Island who could swim, fly, and breathe fire. He was as smart as any human, possibly smarter. His scales shone a glossy gold. Tomorrow was the day he would go to Mt. Dragon to become a council member.
Firewing was excited. Today he had turned old enough to become a council member. He could finally go to Mount Dragon to become one of the best dragons on all of Dragon Island. Even in all the dragon realm.
"Firewing, are you sure you're ready?" said Smoketooth, one of Firewing's closest friends.
"Of course I am. I've trained my whole life for this," replied Firewing.
"Will you be too busy to visit? I'd miss you too much if you were there all the time."
"I think I can take breaks. I'll have to ask," said Firewing.
"Here, take this shiny orb. I want you to think of me everytime you see it. I found it that one time when we went treasure hunting and ran into that griffin. We were both so scared it was going to cut our tails off!" Smoketooth laughed as he handed the orb to Firewing.
"I'll see you later, Smoketooth," Firewing yelled as he was flying away with his orb and pack of supplies.
"Good-bye. I will never forget the good times we've had. Good-bye!" screamed Smoketooth as Firewing was flying further into the distance.
***
In the kingdom of dragons, at the top of the highest mountain, is a group of the wisest, most intelligent, bravest, and most pure-hearted dragons who are always solving the most difficult problems which occur withing the dragon kingdom. These, whom are called the council of dragons, unselfishly solve any and all problems that a dragon or mythical beast may have. They are the most highly respected of all dragons and the group takes only the best dragons. Firewing wanted to be one of them. More than anything in the world, Firewing wanted to sit atop Mt. Dragon and solve the most difficult tasks. He wanted to go on adventures, seeking the truth, and helping those in need. It was all he dreams of ever since he was a young chick (the term for a baby dragon). He was an ordinary dragon living on Dragon Island who could swim, fly, and breathe fire. He was as smart as any human, possibly smarter. His scales shone a glossy gold. Tomorrow was the day he would go to Mt. Dragon to become a council member.
Firewing was excited. Today he had turned old enough to become a council member. He could finally go to Mount Dragon to become one of the best dragons on all of Dragon Island. Even in all the dragon realm.
"Firewing, are you sure you're ready?" said Smoketooth, one of Firewing's closest friends.
"Of course I am. I've trained my whole life for this," replied Firewing.
"Will you be too busy to visit? I'd miss you too much if you were there all the time."
"I think I can take breaks. I'll have to ask," said Firewing.
"Here, take this shiny orb. I want you to think of me everytime you see it. I found it that one time when we went treasure hunting and ran into that griffin. We were both so scared it was going to cut our tails off!" Smoketooth laughed as he handed the orb to Firewing.
"I'll see you later, Smoketooth," Firewing yelled as he was flying away with his orb and pack of supplies.
"Good-bye. I will never forget the good times we've had. Good-bye!" screamed Smoketooth as Firewing was flying further into the distance.
Miyu-chan
.::f l o w e r g i r l::.
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I love the story, but I feel that it could be strached longer. =D Is this the end of the 1st chapter? And, I don't know if it's just me, but I feel that "screamed" is too storg a word in the end. =/ Maybe it's jut me...