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Alliance

BigfootTheUnbeatable

Phillies World Champions 2008!
191
Posts
16
Years
    • Seen Apr 11, 2009
    A story about how Professor Gary Oak inevitably become involved in a plot to save the world. Review my fic, I'll review yours!

    Alliance

    Chapter 1-The Gym Leader's Son
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Professor Gary Oak ruffled his outrageous, spiky, amber hair as he looked ahead. On the coast line, which was about a mile away, was supposed to be his next great 'adventure'. He was on the seas of Route 222 in Sinnoh, headed towards the Hotel Grand Lake. Gary would stay there over night before he conducted experiments on the water Pokemon of Lake Valor. Gary looked down at his Blastoise, who growled back at him.

    "I know boy, only a bit longer," Gary assured.

    Blastoise was his companion from the start, and was one of Gary's best friends. Also with him on the Sinnoh journey was his Umbreon, whom he also shared a close bond with. His newly evolved Electivire had stayed back with his grandfather, Professor Samuel Oak. The bulky, electric Pokemon had developed a bond with one of Ketchum's Pokemon.

    Gary stepped onto the loamy sand on the coast of the beach and returned his Blastoise. He was finally here, now to check into the Hotel. He made his way up towards the grassland, when a young boy approached him.

    The boy was around 5'5, maybe 13 years old, and had neatly cut blond hair. He wore a white hoodie and brown shorts and had a pokeball in his hand. The young trainer's expression was powerful; he had a look of determination on his face. Gary wondered as to why this kid was following him, and then he got his answer.

    "Hey, I see you're a trainer. Let's battle! I just caught some new Pokemon," the boy pestered.

    "I'm sorry young man, but I don't have the time," Gary explained.

    The kid was obviously a fairly new trainer; he was probably from around here. The boy reminded him of Ash, always wanting to battle and eager to meet new people. Gary began to walk away but the boy followed him.

    "Come on, let's go!" the boy yelped.

    He released two pokemon, both rather small. One was a petite cat type with large ears and blue and black fur. It had yellow stripes on it and yellow star on its tail. The other, which he recognized as a Wooper, was a blue creature that had a flat tail and no arms. There were purple antennas protruding from its head. The Wooper bit at Gary's leg.

    "That's how you want to play it? Fine kid, I'll beat you with one pokemon," Gary snapped back.

    Gary was frustrated with the kid's nuisance. It was time to end the annoyance now. Gary reached for Umbreon's pokeball and then released the black moon creature. The Umbreon stood on its hind legs and then leaped into the air.

    "Umbreon, use Dark Pulse!" Gary commanded.

    The Umbreon shot a wave of dark energy down at the Wooper that stood before him. The Wooper flew back as Umbreon.

    "Shinx, use Thunder!" the boy yelled.

    "Umbreon, Light Screen!" Gary said.

    The other one of the kid's Pokemon, which Gary now recognized as a Shinx, let out a burst of Thunder. The powerful electrical attack was at once subdued when it struck the wall of light that Gary's Umbreon had created. Umbreon shifted behind Shinx.

    "Sucker Punch!" Gary screamed.

    Umbreon raised its left paw, and stuck the thunder cat in the back, full force. The Shinx was down for the count. Gary sneered, he knew that Sucker Punch had a high critical hit ratio, and that had come into effect right now.

    "Ugh! Wooper, Mud Shot!" the boy, obviously regretting making Gary mad, ordered.

    The Wooper opened its mouth and released a thick shot of mud. The spiraling mass of water and dirt sped at Umbreon, who easily dodged the attack. Umbreon was faster than anything this kid had in his arsenal.

    "Umbreon, end this with Pursuit!" Gary shouted with vigor.

    The Umbreon dashed at the Wooper, and downed it in one fell strike. The kid was stunned. He fell to his knees and returned his Pokemon to their pokeballs. Umbreon jumped onto Gary's shoulder and Gary stroked his magnificent, jet-black fur.

    "Good work Umbreon. You showed that kid a lesson," Gary smiled.

    "Hey that was incredible! Can you teach me how to battle like that?" the boy shouted at Gary.

    Gary sweatdropped and sighed. This seemed to be a no win situation. What was up with this kid? He gets brutally beaten after hassling him to begin with and expects Gary to teach him? Gary opened his mouth to decline the offer when the boy said,

    "My father's rich. He could pay for whatever you need," the boy said.
    Gary raised his eyebrows. Whatever he needed, eh? This little twerp's father could pay off a massive research grant for him and all he had to do was train this little brat. Gary pondered the new offer, but it honestly wasn't a hard decision.

    "I'll consider it, but first, I'll have to meet your father," Gary said.

    "Fine, but we have to go back to Pastoria City, where my family lives," the boy explained, "By the way, the name is Ben."

    Gary nodded. He could check into the Hotel anytime, he felt this money was more important right now. Ben turned and began to lead the way, while Gary followed. Umbreon purred and curled up against Gary's head on his shoulder. Gary reached into his professor's jacket and pulled out a piece of paper.

    'Dear Log', he began to write….
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Ben and Gary approached the dampened city of Pastoria after about 2 hours of walking. The moon was high in the sky at that point. Gary buttoned up his white lab coat as it was getting chilly.

    Gary bent down and touched the soil of the ground. It was predominantly the kind found at marshes. After all, this was the home of he famous Pastoria Great Marsh. Umbreon woke from its peaceful sleep and nudged Gary. It purred loudly and growled in the direction of the marsh.

    Gary knew something must be wrong. Umbreon always did that when she sensed danger. Ben led Gary up to the gym and then stopped there.

    "This is it, prepare to meet my father," Ben said.

    Ben pushed open the doors of the gym and walked in. Inside, there was a series of planks and stone structures. The place was flooded with water and they appeared to be elevated. Ben pulled a switch and the water in the gym emptied out through hole drilled into the side of the wall. This was clearly a complicated puzzle for new trainers to solve.

    An old man, about 50ish, approached the two. He was wearing bizarre blue overalls that were designed to look like he was a fish. The man was wearing a mask that covered his face and had two crazy stalks of white hair protruding from the side of his head.

    "Sadly, this is my father, the famous Crasher Wake," Ben sighed. He cupped his hand over Gary's ear and whispered, "I know, he looks ridiculous."

    Gary chuckled at the comment. But the boy was right; his father did look ridiculous in that costume. Gary wasn't expecting this is what the master of water Pokemon would look like. Gary put out a hand to for Crasher Wake to shake, which the much wiser man did.

    "Dad, this is Gary Oak, and he agreed to let me go with him to learn more about Pokemon," Ben explained.

    Crasher Wake nodded and said, "Yes, yes. My boy does need some serious training. He's picked on quite a few times for his battle skills. Now, I assume you'll want something in return."

    "Your son promised me a research grant, sir," Gary voiced.

    "Ah, well I can do that for you young man," Wake said, "But research? Why a professor at such a young age? Your not Samuel's son are you?"

    "No, I'm his grandfather, I never met my father," Gary spoke.

    "Hmm. I'm sorry. On to more pressing matters, to start out for the training, I would go to the Great Marsh. It would be beneficial to you and the boy," Wake suggested.

    "Alright, let's go Ben," Gary said.

    Gary and Ben left the gym, and immediately headed for the Marsh. Ben could go anywhere in the city that he wanted this late at night, because he was the gym leader's son.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    "Ben, is there any reason your father would want us to come out here so late at night?" Gary asked.

    "Yeah, I'll show you," Ben said.

    They hopped on the transport train inside the Marsh and Ben programmed it to go to field 6. The two were there within minutes. They stepped out and Gary took note of his surroundings. There where trees and bushes as far as the eye could see. The ground was very wet and damp, and there where tiny lakes everywhere. Croagunk and Marill frolicked in the grasslands. It was the Safari Zone from Fuchsia all over again.

    Ben again led Gary in trek for what seemed like miles up to a hilltop. On top of a cliff that rested on the side of a hill, a Pokemon stood triumphantly. It had beautiful silver fur and striking red eyes. A black fin stuck out from the side of its head. Gary recognized the Pokemon from his journeys in Hoenn. The Pokemon was Absol, bringer of disaster.

    "Dad would bring me out here sometimes just to look at the elegant Pokemon; he only comes out at night. It seems impossible for a Pokemon like this to be in the Marsh, but it hasn't been caught because no trainer has ever seen it but my father. Or at least this Absol," Ben explained.

    "What's unique about this Absol?" Gary questioned.

    "It has a scar on its left eye, Dad gave it to him when Absol battled my dad's famous Floatzel," Ben pointed out.

    "You seem to have a lot of respect for your father," Gary guessed.

    Ben flicked his hair back as the wind passed through him.

    "I envy him. I want to be like him. I want to be a powerful trainer so bad!" Ben broke out.

    This kid really was like Ash, more so than Gary had thought to begin with. However, Gary couldn't help but feel bad that he had to live in Crasher Wake's shadow. Gary could relate; he was always 'Professor Oak's grandson', never just 'Gary Oak'.

    "I'll help you be a good trainer, I promise," Gary smiled.

    Umbreon growled again. That feeling was coming back again. Gary reached into his bag and clutched Blastoise's pokeball; he was ready for a fight if he had to.

    Just then, about 20 figures, all dressed in black, emerged from the bushes. They're uniforms all matched, each with a large red 'R' emblazoned on the front.

    "Just come quietly Gary Oak, and we won't hurt the kid," one yelled.

    "Team Rocket," Gary murmured, "Ben, stay behind me!"

    Gary released Blastoise from his pokeball. Looks like Gary had needed him after all. But how did Team Rocket get here? And what could they want with Gary? He could only hope he could fight his way out of this…..

    TBC

    Author Notes Coming Soon...
     
    Last edited:

    ProtrainerEon

    Ultimate Trainer
    322
    Posts
    17
    Years
    • Seen Jun 11, 2021
    What's TBC?

    I found two-three typos which I'll go back and point out soon.

    The marsh train seemed as if it was inside the marsh to me, like inside the water. That could've been clearer.

    I love the quickness and realism with which the connection between Ben and Gary was created. Love it. The comparison to Samuel was a nice touch. We're about to see his grandson kick butt!

    You write excellently. You've definitely got the writing skill to back up your blunt and well-written reviews. I like you just because of that. :D

    I know you're not writing so I'll like you, but so I'll like your fic. I like both. Keep going strong.

    ~Pro~
     

    Banov

    Master of Kecleon
    117
    Posts
    18
    Years
    • PA
    • Seen Sep 15, 2017
    I read it. Here are some of the things I noticed that ought to be changed...

    "I'm sorry young man, but I don't have the time," Gary explained.
    "Young man?" Gary's only like... 14 or something, right? 16?

    Gary was frustrated with the kid's nuisance.
    Nuisance isn't ever used like that.

    The Wooper flew back as Umbreon.
    What?

    "Sucker Punch!" Gary screamed.
    'screamed' makes him sound hysterical. Use 'yelled' instead.

    Umbreon raised its left paw
    'Left' is totally unnecessary.

    "Ugh! Wooper, Mud Shot!" the boy, obviously regretting making Gary mad, ordered.
    Move " obviously regretting making Gary mad" to the end of the sentence.

    "Good work Umbreon. You showed that kid a lesson," Gary smiled.
    "Taught" > "Showed"

    Gary sweatdropped and sighed.
    Sweatdropped isn't a valid verb you should be using.

    This seemed to be a no win situation.
    The situation at hand wasn't exactly 'no-win.' I think you'd be better off without this sentence.

    Umbreon purred and curled up against Gary's head on his shoulder
    Isn't umbreon at least a couple feet long?

    "Ah, well I can do that for you young man," Wake said, "But research? Why a professor at such a young age? Your not Samuel's son are you?"

    "No, I'm his grandfather, I never met my father," Gary spoke.
    1) Gray is his grandSON,
    2) Why would Crasher automatically guess Oak?

    Ben could go anywhere in the city that he wanted this late at night, because he was the gym leader's son.
    We never have any reason to question where they can and cannot go, so this isn't necessary.

    it hasn't been caught because no trainer has ever seen it but my father. Or at least this Absol," Ben explained.
    Um, not counting Ben and Gary.

    Ben flicked his hair back as the wind passed through him.
    Unless Ben is secretly a ghost, wind can't pass through him.

    They're uniforms all matched, each with a large red 'R' emblazoned on the front.
    You meant THEIR. They're is a contraction for 'they are.'

    He could only hope he could fight his way out of this…..
    Might be better as "He could only hope to fight his way out of this"

    Otherwise, it's alright. The twist at the end was pretty cool. I think we'll need to wait until next chapter to see the plot really start rolling forward.

    ...Now you better fulfill your end of the bargain XD
    Review my fic, I'll review yours!
     
    Last edited:

    Ninja Caterpie

    AAAAAAAAAAAAA
    5,979
    Posts
    16
    Years
  • Oh maan...
    He took every mistake I was going to point out!
    The Wooper jumping back as Umbreon...sounds as if you...
    -points finger like Phoenix Wright-
    HAVEN'T BEEN PROOFREADING!!!
    Dun Dun DUUUUUN!
    Good fic...Keep it up?
     

    BigfootTheUnbeatable

    Phillies World Champions 2008!
    191
    Posts
    16
    Years
    • Seen Apr 11, 2009
    Thanks for the feedback, I'm definitely going to proofread harder next chapter and have certain things make more sense.

    Banov, about the 'young man thing', in my story, Gary is around 20/21 years old. I'm sorry for not making that more clear. I'll be reading your story, Burning Spirit and dark lakitu's soon hopefully.

    Chapter 2 coming some time this week hopefully. Name:
    The Mysterious Pokemon Ranger!
     

    BigfootTheUnbeatable

    Phillies World Champions 2008!
    191
    Posts
    16
    Years
    • Seen Apr 11, 2009
    Alliance

    Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon, Gary Oak or Crasher Wake. I do own my OC, Benjamin Wake.

    Chapter 2-The Mysterious Pokemon Ranger
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    "Blastoise, Water Pulse!" Gary shouted.

    The large blue turtle roared and revealed the cannons hiding under its shell. Water pulsated from the cannons at high speeds and slammed into the enemy Arbok. But there was something unique about this water; it had supersonic waves around it.

    The Team Rocket members were all confused. Around ten Arbok lied on the ground, defeated. Ben peered over the destruction and a revelation came to him. Gary was this strong? He held back on him. As he drifted into thought, Gary grabbed Ben with both hands by the waist and lifted him onto Blastoise's back.

    "Let's move, time to go!" Gary said.

    Gary and Umbreon led the way, Blastoise and Ben behind them. The Great Marsh Train was up ahead. If they could get to that perhaps they were safe. As they descended the staircase that led to the train station, they heard a loud buzzing sound.

    "Look, up there!" Ben yelled, pointing into the sky with his index finger.

    Gary looked up and saw it. There were around twenty Beedrill, each holding a Forretress. Behind them, was a large blimp, with a red 'R' logo on it; Team Rocket.

    "I guess we know how they got in," Gary said.

    "Drop em!" A voice commanded over an intercom that appeared to be coming from the blimp.

    The Beedrill each dropped their Forretress, which as they dropped, used a Self-Destruct attack. Before their very eyes, the Great Marsh Train exploded. Debris flew everywhere in sight. Over head, Gary spotted a large chunk of flaming steel fall into a lake. Pokemon in the Marsh were sprinting for shelter.

    How could Team Rocket do this? Gary wondered. This was inhumane. They caused so much destruction and terror just to get what they wanted, and this time it was his fault? Well, I'm not going to allow it! Gary thought. Umbreon's probably gaining power from the moonlight. Time to make my move!

    "Umbreon, use Helping Hand!" Gary screamed.

    Umbreon's left paw glowed as she stroked Blastoise's body with it.

    "Now, use the power of the moonlight Blastoise! Hyper Beam!" Gary commanded.

    Blastoise opened its mouth and omitted a massive white stream of energy, which completely blindsided the Beedrill, taking them all out. Ben celebrated and high fived Umbreon.

    "You think this is over?" the voice yelled over the intercom, "It's just beginning. You won't get away Gary Oak!"

    Just then, a helicopter approached the Pastoria area, overlooking the Great Marsh. The helicopter had a PRA logo on its side. The door to the helicopter slid open and a girl with blue hair poked out of the side. On her shoulder was a small blue and white chipmunk/rat type of Pokemon, which had a massive fluffy tail.

    "Pachirisu, Thunder now!" the girl shouted.

    Gary and Ben looked on as a massive Thunder attack struck the blimp. The electric move pierced through the leather of the blimp's exterior. Soon, what was left of the Rocket blimp came crashing down into the Marsh.

    "They're going to need to be doing a lot of cleaning up here tomorrow," Ben sighed.

    Gary wasn't interested in what was to happen to the Marsh right now. He was more intrigued on as to who just took down the blimp. Gary soon got his answer. The girl with the blue hair jumped out of the helicopter and opened up a pokeball.

    She released a green dragon Pokemon, which Gary knew was a Flygon. The girl quickly fell onto its back and took it down near Gary and Ben. The girl hopped off of the Flygon and approached the two.

    Now that she was near them, Gary could get a better look at the girl. She was tall, and Gary could honestly say she was quite attractive. She wore her blue hair in two strands, each on one side of her head, held up by a red headband. She had matching red gloves, boots, and mini jacket. She wore black socks quite high and a black mini skirt. Her Pachirisu sat on her shoulder similar to how Gary's Umbreon rested.

    Gary could tell by her apparel that she was a Pokemon Ranger.

    "Hey Gary, the name's Hinata. You're gonna have to come with me," She said with a cute grin.

    "Unfortunately, I have research that has to be done tomorrow. I can't," Gary replied.

    Hinata lifted up a piece of paper. The document seemed to be official and had a giant red stamp on it.

    "This is a warrant for me to take you whether you want to go or not. Poke Ranger Association official. Just come peaceful, I'll explain in the chopper," Hinata stated.

    Gary sighed and started walking. He returned Blastoise and Umbreon to their pokeballs as Ben fell to the ground.

    "One condition, the kid comes too," Gary offered.

    Hinata bit her lip playfully and then said, "Well Mr. Oak, you are in no position to be making demands. But….I'll allow it."

    Ben took out his two pokeballs and looked inside. Shinx, Bonsly, I hope you guys are ready for an adventure, because I think we've got one!

    Hinata, Ben, and Gary got on the back of Hinata's Flygon. The dragon Pokemon lifted off the ground and began flying back towards the helicopter.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Gary shifted around; he was rather cramped. The holding deck of he helicopter wasn't too good for space. Ben sat beside him; Shinx and Bonsly were out of their pokeballs. Ben stroked Shinx's fur and Bonsly was running around, just to stretch its legs.

    Gary was still confused as to why the PRA wanted him. If the PRA wanted him specifically, this was a big deal. Team Rocket too; what were they even doing in Sinnoh? Since when did they have operations here anyways? He had so many questions…..

    "We're here," Hinata said as she opened the door.

    The ranger led Gary and Ben through a small corridor, which brought them to the metallic staircase that led to their uncertain future. As Gary stepped out, he could see that they were in a much different place from where the left.

    He immediately noticed they were in a canyon, which technology clearly built into it. There was a strait of water for boats in the middle of the cavern and one each side of the water there were many building. Gary could see Pokemon Rangers, scientists, and important officials making their way about the place.

    It was clearly meant to be hidden; was this the PRA's secret base? Gary looked about and then saw that Hinata was talking to the pilot of their helicopter about something. The pilot left as Hinata turned to Gary and Ben.

    "Come with me, we're going to central administration," Hinata ordered as she began to walk.

    Ben looked at Gary skeptically. Gary couldn't do much then to just shrug as the two followed the voluptuous female. Hinata led Gary and Ben all the way to the edge of the base, until which they had reached the end of the cavern. There was basically just a giant stone wall in front of them.

    Or so they thought?

    Hinata pulled her Ranger Badge from her jacket pocket and placed it on the stone wall. The wall flashed with light and then a small code module appeared near when Hinata had placed her badge. She punched in a few numbers and after a voice and DNA recognition, a small entrance opened up right in front of them. Hinata got on all fours and began to crawl through the tight space.

    "Here we go again," Ben stated.

    The three began to crawl through, Hinata, followed by Gary, followed by Ben. It was extremely cramped and Gary couldn't help but look at Hinata's butt. It's not that he was interested, but he was behind her and there was no way to not really. After awhile Ben noticed this, and with a smirk pushed Gary forward.

    Let's just say Gary head ended up some where it didn't want to be.

    "Ahhhhhh!" Hinata yelped, "Pervert!"

    Somehow, with what little room she had, Hinata slapped Gary across the face.

    "But, he…" Gary started.

    Before he could finish, his face met with Hinata's palm again. Ben broke out into laughter in the tight spot as Gary whipped his head around.

    "If you do something like that again I swear to Arceus that I will kill you," Gary whispered to Ben.

    The trio reached the end of the narrow passageway and they stepped out into an open space finally. Before them, was a massive tower with a long stem of a body, and then a sphere attached to the stem. There were a few people walking around and Ranger jeeps riding around.

    Ben had never seen much out side of Pastoria, so this was quite amazing for him. He had always thought of the Pokemon Rangers as kind of like the army of Sinnoh. They were the protectors of peace and they always did what was necessary to keep citizens safe. And now he was here, in their base.

    "This, my friends, is the PRA Command Center," Hinata said.

    "But I thought the last place was the command center?" Ben asked.

    "Not quite. This is the real base. It's hidden from new people and infiltrators and such. PRA has to have high security," Hinata explained.

    "So you're like high ranking or whatever?" Ben questioned.

    "Yep, rank 31! Most cadet I know are only around rank 11," Hinata bragged with a grin. She showed the two her badge, which in gold letters said, "Rank 31".

    Gary was keeping relatively quiet. His face hurt tremendously after the consecutive slaps from Hinata. Gary was still kind of embarrassed too, and it was all Ben's fault. Why did this kid have to be so mischievous?

    Hinata led the two up to the main building and as they walked in, many high level rangers walked by. The whole place had an official kind of feel to it. It was like the FBI. The three got in an elevator and Hinata typed in a few code numbers.

    The elevator took them to the 45th floor, out of 60, and then stopped. The three walked out and then they began strolling down the hall. After about 30 minutes of aimless walking down hallways, Gary finally spoke.

    "Where are we going?" Gary asked.

    "Hold your horses, we'll be there soon," Hinata calmed.

    At the very end of the hallway, in the very corner of the floor it seemed, was a dark room. Hinata led the boys in and turned on the lights. Hidden behind a some useless lab junk it seemed, and some curtains was another elevator. The three entered the elevator and they started going down.

    "What's the point of all this?" Gary yelled. "We're just going around in circles, not doing anything!"

    Hinata grabbed Gary by the collar and shoved him up against the side of the elevator.

    "I could kick your ass in a million ways before you could even land a single punch on me. Don't raise your voice, just do what I say," Hinata whispered into Gary's ear.

    Ben couldn't help but laugh at the scene. Gary, the senior of Hinata by about a year or two, was about to get pummeled.

    "Woah, let's not resort to violence here," Ben added, trying to make peace.

    "It's okay Benny, I was trying to get my point across," Hinata said cheerfully.

    Ben looked at the much taller woman strangely. She had changed her attitude rather quickly. This was one of the more unique people he had met. But Ben knew she wasn't as weird as his dad.

    The elevator soon stopped and they walked out. They were now in an underground lab, and there was an office at the end. There were only a few people walking around here. Gary noticed tons of machinery and such on tables and cranes lifting weird objects. This was clearly classified stuff.

    Hinata strolled over to the enclosed office at the edge of the room and opened the door. Gary and Ben walked in and saw that the room was quite bid for an office, and there were four chairs across from a desk. There was an unnecessarily big chair behind the desk,, that was turned around. Hinata motioned for them to take a seat.

    They sat down and then looked across the room and saw two other trainers sitting in chairs next to them. One of them had a rather angry look on his face, and had strange purple hair. The other, a female, had orange spikes coming from her head, and sunglasses that sat on top of them. They were both wearing unique outfits too. Ben found it amusing that they had stranger hair than Gary.

    Gary knew who the two were. The boy was Paul, the famous Sinnoh trainer, and the girl was Zoey, the famous Sinnoh coordinator. Suddenly, the giant chair at the desk whipped around to face the five of them, but there was no one in the chair.

    "What's going on here?" Gary asked.

    All of a sudden a very small man, only about 3'5 Gary guessed, popped up from the chair. The petite man had a miniature suit and tie that fit him quite well as did his small sunglasses. The man had a zigzag mustache and an afro that easily added 4 or 5 inches to his actual height.

    Ben broke out into laughter. I correct myself; this is the funniest looking person I have ever seen! Ben thought.

    "Benny, do not treat the director with such disrespect!" Hinata scolded.

    Ben immediately stopped laughing. Gary and the others were shocked. This funny looking man was the director of the PRA? So that's why there were all of these pointless, secret hallways and elevators. It was for the director's safety.

    "You've got to be kidding me," Paul remarked.

    Zoey hit Paul over the head and told him to shut up.

    "You don't own me woman," Paul stated firmly.

    "I think it's time everyone was quiet and listen to me!" The director shouted.

    The room fell quiet as the director began to pace around the room.

    "First I would like to thank Hinata for bringing Mr. Oak here safely, we were in a bit of a pickle back there, eh?" The director pointed out as Hinata nodded. "Now, on to more pressing matters, you all have been brought here for a reason. And that is to save the world."

    The four of them gasped and looked at one another. Even Hinata seemed surprised; apparently this was more important than she had previously believed.

    "How?" Gary questioned.

    "Ah, you must be Gary Oak. I've heard a lot about you from your grandfather. You like to ask questions and get answers, but such is the way of a Pokemon researcher. Trust me I know your kind, I have many researchers working for me now," The director rambled.

    "Now, the answer Mr. Oak's question, yes, we need the three of you to save the world," the director again stated.

    Ben guessed that he meant Gary, Paul, and Zoey, as he had only come on accident. He shouldn't even be here right now…

    "As I assume you already know, you especially Gary, that Team Rocket has come to Sinnoh. What you don't know, is that they have come to make an alliance," the director began.

    "An alliance? With whom?" Zoey pondered.

    "Team Galactic," the director said, "Giovanni and Cyrus, leader of Team Rocket and Galactic respectively, are going to make a power alliance. Their aim is to destroy us, the PRA. They figure if they get us out of the way, they can use the legendaries that they are hunting to rule the four regions. They can't do that without decimating the Pokemon Rangers first however."

    "Get to the point; where do we come in?" Paul questioned impatiently.

    "If you three notice, you all have necklaces that were given to you by parents, friends or relatives. The red gems attached to these stones can be used to awaken the three legendary lake pokemon; Uxie, Mesprit, and Azelf," The director explained.

    Gary, Zoey, and Paul all looked down. All three of them did have the gems. Gary remembered his was a present from his mother before she disappeared, just like his father. These stones will help us save the world? Gary thought.

    "It is of the utmost importance that we capture the lake Pokemon as soon as possible," the director mentioned, "If either of the team should get a hold of all three, then our last line of defense will be gone."

    Just then, a man burst through the door of the office.

    "They're here! Run!" he screamed in terror.

    Author's Notes: Phew, 8 and 1/2 pages on Word. I've written longer but that was a doozy. This chapter seemed kind of boring after the Marsh scene I think, but it was all necessary to establish what was going on. I have a list of things that will help some people to imagine the landscape.
    Fake PRA Base and Dock: Think in Raiders of the Lost Ark when they go the Nazi base.
    Real PRA Tower after the small tunnel: Think Realgam Tower from Colosseum
    Director's lab and office: Kind of like Tony Stark's office in Iron Man

    Please Review, Chapter 3 coming soon!
     

    Banov

    Master of Kecleon
    117
    Posts
    18
    Years
    • PA
    • Seen Sep 15, 2017
    The Beedrill each dropped their Forretress, which as they dropped, used a Self-Destruct attack. Before their very eyes, the Great Marsh Train exploded. Debris flew everywhere in sight. Over head, Gary spotted a large chunk of flaming steel fall into a lake. Pokemon in the Marsh were sprinting for shelter.
    Awesome.

    Gary and Ben looked on as a massive Thunder attack struck the blimp. The electric move pierced through the leather of the blimp's exterior. Soon, what was left of the Rocket blimp came crashing down into the Marsh.
    I don't think blimps are made of leather.

    She released a green dragon Pokemon, which Gary knew was a Flygon.
    Be more thorough in your description here. Flygon isn't just "a green dragon."

    Hinata lifted up a piece of paper. The document seemed to be official and had a giant red stamp on it.
    How does a document look 'official'?

    Poke Ranger Association official.
    What?

    Just come peaceful, I'll explain in the chopper,
    Peacefully.

    Bonsly was running around, just to stretch its legs.
    Bonsly have no legs really worth stretching, just tiny feet. =p

    "Here we go again," Ben stated.
    The scene at hand bears no resemblance to earlier events. This comment seems pretty out of place. "Stated" is an awkward verb to use, too. Don't be afraid to use 'said' every time they speak, it's a damn good verb.

    The three began to crawl through, Hinata, followed by Gary, followed by Ben. It was extremely cramped and Gary couldn't help but look at Hinata's butt. It's not that he was interested, but he was behind her and there was no way to not really. After awhile Ben noticed this, and with a smirk pushed Gary forward.
    I think this would come out less awkward as "Hinata's butt covered Gary's entire field of vision. Ben found this hilarious and pushed Gary forward."

    Though, how did Ben push Gary without touching his butt?

    Before them, was a massive tower with a long stem of a body
    Unnecessary comma! =D

    The elevator took them to the 45th floor, out of 60, and then stopped. The three walked out and then they began strolling down the hall. After about 30 minutes of aimless walking down hallways, Gary finally spoke.
    30 minutes?! And all in complete silence?

    "Hold your horses, we'll be there soon," Hinata calmed.
    "Calmed" can't really be used like that, and besides, Gray wasn't really overexcited or anything.

    Hidden behind a some useless lab junk it seemed, and some curtains was another elevator
    Random 'a.' "It seemed" is just awkward there, too. Take it out. Alternatively, say "Hidden behind some seemingly useless lab junk..."

    "What's the point of all this?" Gary yelled. "We're just going around in circles, not doing anything!"
    No need to be redundant.

    Gary and Ben walked in and saw that the room was quite bid for an office, and there were four chairs across from a desk. There was an unnecessarily big chair behind the desk,, that was turned around. Hinata motioned for them to take a seat.
    "Big."
    Also, double comma.

    The other, a female, had orange spikes coming from her head, and sunglasses that sat on top of them
    Who the hell stabbed orange spikes into her head? o__o

    "You don't own me, woman," Paul stated firmly.
    A comma there would be nice =)

    What you don't know, is that they have come to make an alliance,
    Needless comma.

    "They're here! Run!" he screamed in terror.
    Well, it wasn't midsentence, but it's still not the proper ending to a chapter. We don't know who it is, so it's tough to feel surprised.

    There's no two ways about it; you need to proofread more. There were a lot of mistakes that you should have caught after reading through a couple times. The plot is staying strong, though, and I liked the director quite a lot.

    One final thing to think about... from what we've seen, Gary's pokemon are just way too overpowered. You need to tone it down in the future.
     

    Satoshi_Red

    Ketchup Devourer
    59
    Posts
    15
    Years
    • Seen Aug 26, 2010
    A word of advice; in all the stories I've ever seen, almost only awful ones need to say that they aren't awful. This could scare people off. Having no summary might be better than having a really poor one.

    The best way to make up for that is to have a very catching beginning-- and no offense, but it isn't very catching. I mean, one of your characters starts off giving the impression of boredom and impatience, which is probably not what you want your readers to feel the first paragraph or so in. On the other hand, it isn't painfully unbearable either. In the kid's description, the whole 5'5 thing threw me off a little, it seemed not to flow as well compared to the mostly informal text surrounding it. Five and half feet would be better way of writing that out.

    Some things I liked, although it is very trivial and silly I admit, is his pokemon selection. Blastiose and Umbreon. I always imagined him having those pokemon. Perhaps he has those in anime or something, I don't know, but in the games I'd often face him while he had an eevee or a squirtle.
     

    ProtrainerEon

    Ultimate Trainer
    322
    Posts
    17
    Years
    • Seen Jun 11, 2021
    Gary does have Umbreon in the anime. I think he has Blastoise too...I never really paid him that much attention. Also, I've seen Gary with Blastoise in quite a few other fics. Coincidence? O_o

    Banov, I disagree, Gary's Pokemon are not overpowered. They really haven't fought any noticably strong Pokemon, so we've no reason to say so. For all we know those Arbok could've just evolved. I guess ten was a little over the top, though. I mean seriously, TEN Arbok? It would make more sense if they were Ekans...

    Anyway, my comments:

    Hinata! Awesome, glad to see some Naruto here (if that's where the name came from. The description is pretty similar). That bumped my rating for this story. I know that's selfish, but seeing a familiar name made me like the story just a little more.

    Yeah, the description for Zoey sounded weird. Spikes? Just say she had spiky hair.

    "Now, the answer * Mr. Oak's question, yes, we need the three of you to save the world," the director again stated.

    * = to

    "I think it's time everyone was quiet and listen to me!" The director shouted.

    "...I think it's time everyone quieted down and listened to me!" or something similar, would sound better.

    "Woah, let's not resort to violence here," Ben added, trying to make peace.

    I believe it's "Whoa".

    Well, overall this chapter was decent. Quite a few things seemed out of place, unreasonable, or gramatically incorrect. Still, this chapter had material that was written well enough to be considered good.

    If you observe the errors that your reviewers have kindly corrected, you should be well on your way to a gramatically excellent fic. We're also hoping the quality of the story will improve as you go along.

    Hopefully, the next chapter will be even better. I look forward to seeing more of this. Don't give up! :D
     
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