Amber Islands

[evee]

ok this is the first installment of my fan fic the amber islands it
is based losely on my hack i am creating for gold version. I have never
done any writeing like this before but i figure it should be fun
but what i need from you are strait forward opinions of it. i understand
that the grammar might not be very good in this game but you are going
to have to bear with me (it wont be bad i just type really fast) oh
and dont expect much punctuation aswell. wnyways here it goes


Chapter 1

Humble bagon-ings

URGGGH URGHHH


ANOUNCER:

the alarm clock beeped and beeped from 10:00 A.M until 12:00 P.M
(after noon) the messy haired 15 year old teenager realizes what a
stupid mistake he had made he sat on the corner of his bed and threw
his legs through a pair of his old broken in cuffed bottom blue jeans
he threw on a white muscle shirt and a black t-shirt with a red track
jackette with white ines going down the arms and around the trimming
the back of the jackete read safepoint whick is from the island he
is from. he stuffed 2 pairs of pants and a hodded sweat shirt along
with 2 other t-shirts a tent he also opend his closet and brushed off
the dust from the top and opend it he took out 3 pokeballs and 2
potions. he ran to his other dresser and grabed his think silver watch
his 2 favourite right and a wrist/sweat band (because he knew
the islands could get hot) he ran down the stairs and threw on his old
black hi top s***s and grabbed his favourite black cap and rushed out the
door

meanwhile on the outskirts of the islands the islandic pokegod was
thrashing and speeding under the watter the god poked its head out of
the watter and saw a fleet of old cheap looking boats. the island god
was not used to seeing such a fleet and used its powers to sweep
through the possible intruders minds and found feeling of rage.jelousy
and other nasty feelings. knowing only one person who could save the
islands but knowing that the god would never find him he had to move
on to the second best thing.

back to the hero. he was runing through the street dodging people
all over like he was in a race he finnaly seen the great labotory
of the islands.....see sid was lucky his father was a very talented
trainer and his mother was even a gym leader from the jhoto league
after his father defeated the johto,kanto,orange islnds, and houne
league he disapeared but new before he left that his son would be a
trainer and hopefully...a master so he decided to start his family
off in safepoint island were the lb was so it would be easier for his
2 boys to become trainers and get good starters. his mother was a very
respected gym leader....her name was clair and she specialized in the
dragons. anyways as he made his way to the entrance he saw his 4
friends and there sister leaving the lab he asked them what they got

red sent out a quilava

blue sent out a totodile

and green sent out a chicorita

sid and crystal were never really close so she assumed that he did not
want to see what she got.sid asked were yellow was and the 3 brothers
answerd that he has a early start and took the pokemon he wated the
most.blue said "I dont think there are any pokemon there for ya sid
but you should check it out" sid said he would catch up with the 3
brothers later and took off into the lab.


Now i know there not much excitment in this one but there will be some comming up...i hope you all enjoyed...leave some mesages for improvment or ideas...seeeya
thanks
evee

 

[Sarafina]

You could use more capitilization otherwise it's not half bad!

 

[evee]

well heres the second one. I used some more capitalization on this one. sarafina what did you think of the story in the first one and if its not to much trouble give me some more criticism (see im not a good speller) if you dont mind . anyways here i go


chapter 2

Murkrow must fall!

ANOUNCER

Sid made his entrance into the lab and ran starit into the professors
office and apologized for being late. The professor said "Sid dont apolagize to me
ive seen it all i have pokemon...its you who should be feeling bad because
you now have to wait another year to start your journey." sid was waiting
for the professor to admit it was a joke but the profesor just went
back to his paper work on prehistoric pokemon. sid could tell that
the prefossor was veyr disapointed with him...Sid always had a special
conection with the professor and he feard that his laziness has interfierd
with there friendship. As Sid was walking out the prfessor stood
behind him and said "It's not always like father like son you know"
sid replied "wadda you mean" the professor shot back "just because you
are iresponsible dosent mean your father was.....now get over here" the
professor said with a jokeing tone in his voice. The profesor explained
that Sid's father told the Prifessor "If there was ever a problem with
the starters give my boys these pokemon instead". the professor kept
switching the pokeballs around and said choose one so he did he threw
the pokeball and outcame a bagon. all the lab assist. stoped what
they were doing and staired in awe. A houne pokemon in ths region
was extremely rare since they are so far apart. sid was speechless
and knew his father knew that he would get bagon.all of a sudden
everyone heard a thud the professor fell to the ground and
started speaking with a totally diffrent voice. the voice
told sid to get to the cave on the outskirts out of woodenickle
island to retreive the balance. The profesor then woke up and
asked what had happend but by that time sid was already out the
door.

he ran through the woods with his new pokeball in his hand until he
triped on what looked like a big finger.He had no time to invesyigate
and kept runing until he reached woodenickle island you see woodenickle
and safepoint islad were bound together by a thick cement bridge.
anyways sid took off north and ran into a little cabin

sid kept running and saw wild pokemon all over the place. Sid never
liked to travel this far but he knew he would have to if he wanted to
be like his father. he decided that he ran all he could and a rest isnt
completley out of the question. Sid called out bagon and sid sat and
relaxed in the sun while the bagon was walking around sniffing anything
that intrested him. While sid was laying and relaxing he noticed bagon
staring at the ground, Sid wanted to know what was up so he got up and
walked yowards bagon, sid realized that bagon was staring at the magicarp
splahing around in the small pond. Sid felt well rested and continued
on his journey towards the small cave but a little slower then before.
day light was just starting to fade and sid noticed that there was a
little cabin in front of him. sid walked to the cabin and knocked on
the door a middle aged man with dark hair answerd the door the middle
aged mans face was darkend in some areas from charcol. Sid asked
if the man knew if there was a cave nearby and the man replied
that the only cave around those parts belonged to him and it was
private property. But the man felt bad when sid said how far he traveld
so the man invited him in for a meal. During sid's and the mans
conversation the man mentioned he had a murkrow that was abandoned
in a nest and was almost eaten by a sneasel, Sid thought of sokething
he told the old man that he just got a begining pokemon and it's still
a low level so sid asked that if they fought and sid one he could
journey into the tunel for 1 day and if he lost then the murkrow
would have gained expierience and even if it loses it will know some
of its abilities so its a win win situation. The old man agrees and the
old man and sid head outside to start the battle

the battle starts off with bothe contenders sending out there pokemon

Sid: Go Bagon!

Man: Get em murkrow

Man: Ok kid ameture gets first move!

Sid: if you insist! Bagon Bite!

Man: Murkrow fly up! Great now peck

Sid:as it fly lower bite!

bagon's bite does a good amount of damage

Man: Back up MURKY!

Sid: Good job now use rage and build off your emotions

Man: USE AERIAL ACE ITS TO FAST TO CATCH!!!

before sid could reply murkrow made the conection

Sid: Now use all that rage and let it all out with a big FLAMETHROWER!

murkrow was hit hard and fell to the ground

Sid: Now use your rage attack

Murkrow faited

Man: good fight although you totaly tooke out my murkrow
now deals a deal

*sid felt uneasy atthat time like something was watching him*

Sid thought great now i can find this "balance" the professor was
mumbling about

Sid enterd the cave and by that time it was already night. All he could
see was walls. It was a very small cave so he decided hed check it out
in the morning and sleep tonight...after all that running....he
deserved it. so he called out bagon and he unfolded his sleeping bag
and slept next to bagon in the tiny damp cave


in the morning sod sprung up and checked his watch it was very
early in the morning but sid figured he could use all the time he
could get so him and his bagon dug around at the walls for about 2
hours untill he felt something...it was softer then rock and smooth yet
still hard he dug around it and pulled it out...it was a egg.

 

[evee]

This will mostl ikely be my last one....i have enoguh ideas to write about 60 but there is such a lack of intrest that i dont really think its worth it
Enjoy

The eggs desighn was intresting it looked kind of like a face the
patterns looked like this -> \ /
\/\/\/\/
/\/\/\/\

After sid packed up and recalled his bagon he stoped by the cabin
and yold the old man he was on his way. The old man said that the
battle really restored life to his little murkrow and he oughta
repay him with a token of apreciation, The man took something outta
his pockete and told Sid that it was charcol and it powerd up
fire type moves not that his bagon needed it with such a awsome
flamethrower attack. The old man explained that the cave was full of
charcol and thats what he does for a living. Sid aid thank you and
was on his way

On his way home he felt a shakeing in his pockete and ralized what it
was. He took out his cell phone and it read prof:freesta without waiting
another second Sid answerd it and told the professor about thw battle
but the profesor seemed woried

Sid:whats wrong i one my first battle arent you happy?

Prof: of course im happy for you...but i feel more woried for you

Sid: why's that?

Prof: Because i spoke to your brother yesterday

*Sid realizes the horible mistake he made*

Prof: he showed up about 2 hours after you left

Sid: was he mad?

Prof: lets just say.....he's looking for you

Sid said he would be back in the lab in less then 2 hours and shut
the phone and stuffed it in his pockete


The rest of the day Sid felt uneasy not only about his brother but
also because he felt like he was being watched. So he stoped walking
and then noticed a rumble in the busheshe yelled OK STEVE IF YOUR
MAD JUST COME OUTA THERE SO WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT INSTEAD OF YOU STALKING ME
LIKE THE BIG FREAK YOU ARE!!! all of a sudden someone poped out
but it wasnt his brother. He was avrege sive with brown short hair
and a video camera on his shoulder

Sid: Who are you?

Travis: ma-ma-my name is travis *sounds scared*

Sid: well why are you following me around?

Travis: Beause i want to make a documentry on pokemon and how
they battle and after seeing you defeat that murkrow...

Sid: What you? how long have you been following me?

Travis: since i saw you running like a mad man up towards that
shabby little cave...but im glad i did....the way you battle
is unbelievable...so i hope you dont mind...but i would really
like to document you and your battleing techniques

Sid: Why me? there are tons of other trainers out there....what makes
me so special?

Travis: I told you...it's the way you battle....plus it starts from the
begining of your journey....so veryone would get to see it from
start to finish

Sid thought hard about it. on one hand he did'nt really know travis all
all that well and didnt know if he could be trusted. But on the other
hand did he really want to take this journey alone?

sid finally agreed to let travis follow him around and travis was very
happy about the descision.

Sid explained to travis what had happend and why he need to go back
to safepoint island and speak with the professor. Travis noticed Sud
was kind of uneasy on the trip home and asked why. Sid just stoped
walking pointed strait ahead and said thats why. in the distace a tall
muscuallar kid stood and glared at sid. the kid yelled

Steve: You stupid little runt you didnt wake me up so you could have
first dibs on your pokemon!

Sid: THATS NOT TRUE AT ALL! I WAS JUST CAUSGHT UP IN THE EXCITMENT
THATS ALL!

Steve: well talk is cheap lets battle

Travis: ..im getting this

Steve: GO ARON!!

Sid: TAKE EM OUT BAGON!

Travis: *THINKS:wow to houne region pokemon this is gold.

Steve: You little jusr you may have took first pokemon but im takeing
first turn! ARON USE TACKLE ATTACK

Sid: Bagon dog that your must faster!

Bagon dodges succesfully

Sid:use your flamethrower

Steve: HAH! USE HARDEN ARON!

Sid: Ise it again!

Steve: Move it!

aron did not move fast enough and was only mildly hit by the flame

Sid: NOW MOVE IN WITH THE BITE ATTAcK!

Steve: NOW USE YOUR MUD SLAP

Bagon was blinded and hit with the mud

Steve: Now that hes close use the t.m i taught you IRON TAIL NOW!

The iron tail droped bagon in to time and bagon fainted

Steve: well nice start loser even with cheating i still beat the pant
off you

Travis: we will see next time

Steve: what did you say to me

Travis: nu nu nuthing sorry

steve walked away with that s**t eating grin on his face

sid realized that there was no more time to waist and he must hurry
back to the lab to let the prof examine his egg and he could also
heal his fainted bagon

In less then 20 minutes they made it back to safepoint island and sid
noticed that it felt so much smaller then he last rememberd it. he
made it to the lab and told the professor about the egg, his new friend
travis and the battle with his brother.

Sid: Steve mentioned you gave him a T.M...Did dad leave on for me to

Prof: well...no...see your dad always liked steve better

Sid: psh he wishes. no c'mon old man and make with the goods*in a
jokeing tone*

Prof: of course... here it is i believe its called dragon claw here
use it wiseley...now as for the egg....ive never seen one like
that. You best hold on to it and see when it hatches. Phone me
imediatley when it does...now be gon with you...wait i forgot
these are for starting trainers...this is a pokedex...im sure
you know what it does and here are 5 pokeballs...im sure you
know how to use them....now goold luck.

Sid: Thanks alot professor i cant wait to efeat the gyms here

PROF: that remins me...remember now there are 16 gyms to defeat
instead of the regular 8.....good luck

and like that sid and travis left to catch,train, and doument pokemon
and start there adventure in the amber islands

 

[Frostweaver]

well first of all...

a) preferably, don't use script format... it is ridiculously difficult to do anything with script unless you're really THAT talented

b) more details are needed... definitely

c) though use of sudden capitalizations can catch the readers' attention, the way it's used here is rather unnecessary ^_^;

d) refer to b)

e) refer to d)

 

[capalex65]

nice story evee really nice

 

[evee]

yeah but i find itm uch easier to write in a script format i think its alot easier to understand and as for detail i think i put some more in the new chapter im writeing....anyways that one might be my last one anyways....seeya
evee

 

[evee]

Chapter 4

The narow list
_________________________________________________________________
Sneasel!

Sid excalimed

Sid: i can't wait...you know there are sneasel that live down this
route...and im going to catch one...such speed and dark/ice attack..
a very valuble pokemon to my team...dont you think trav? hey trav?

Travis stood frozen in fear as a giant mouse stood before him with a
huge thunderbolt shape at the tip of its cord like tail. The tail
started collecting electricity and little sparks would shoot off
but just then another giant mouse pokemon jumped from the long grass
and slamed the other one. As they were fighting travis and sid
decided it was a perfect time to make a clear escape but before sid
did he pointed his pokedex at it.

Pokedex:

RAICHU
supreme elctric mouse

Type: Height: weight:
Electric 2'07" 66 ibs

RAICHU is a third evolution pokemon. This pokemon is very fast and
very powerful. It is said it can absorb other pokemons eletricity
if tail is placed on the other pokemon.

travis grabs sid and pulls him along

Travis: Are you insane you coulda got seriously injured. Did you see
the way those 2 pokemon were fighting. Never mind what they
could have done to you.

Sid realizes he left something very important behind

Sid: Oh no i gotta go back....it must have fallen out when i pulled
out my pokedex

Travis: The egg?

Sid: No not that thats safely wraped up in my back pack...its my list!

Sid start retracing his steps back.

Travis: Your list....your list of what?

Sid: The list of pokemon i want to capture

Travis: You have a list?

Sid: Yeah...is that so weird?

Travis: well yeah arent trainers suposed to train any pokemon type
just for the love of training all pokemon

Sid: Hey ive been makeing that list ever since i was young.... and
by the way i dont tell you how to make your precious little movie
do i?

Travis: Whatever lets just go look for the list.

Sid: ill find it...you go start building a camp...im not leaving this
route until i find my list and capture a sneasel.

Travis: Ok fine.

As sid was walking through the dark wood he felt watter droplets.
watter droplets were something to be heard on this island...the rain
can get very bad here. In the distance he heard a faint cry

chaaaaaa

sid rushed to see what happend he noticed that there were a nest full
of hatched eggs and there were no pokemon left. except one...sid looked
at it because it looked familliar. it was a black pokemon with a thin
black tail, it had a small flame burning on the tip of it's tailit
was to weak to stand sid took his track jacket and took out one of his
potions and sprayed the young pokemon. while he was doing this he
noticed that there are muddy foot prints. Two sets seem very large...
and there were prints of foot print's that were a little larger then
the young pokemon he held in his hands. Sid figured it was his parents
and the foot prints ended because they took off with the bigger ones
and left the runt. Sid took the young pokemon in his arms still wraped
in his jackete and caried him back to camp...sid noticed the young
pokemon looked kind of empty but sid couldnt do nuthin until he reached
camp. When he did he took out his pokedex and aimed it at the young
pokemon.

POKEDEX:

Charmander
lizard pokemon
Type: Height: weight:
TYPE 1 :Fire DEFAULT! DEFAULT!
TYPE 2 :Dragon


Charmander can be found throughout the pokemon world. Charmander
is a special pokemon on the amber islads because it adapts difrently
useing its dark colours as a defense mechinism in the wild.


Sid then took out a pokeball and threw it...out came bagon. Sid told
bagon to collect berries and chew them up but not swallow them.

Sid then told travis to hand him his camera. Sid shot the charmander
from every angel to make sure he got film proof if the charmander
improved.

when bagon returned Sid told bagon to feed the young charmander. Sid
and Travis then left the tent and sat in the rain whil bagon gave the
young charmander the nourishment he despretley needed. Sid figured
bagon should do it because there was a pretty close resemblance between
the 2 and maybe the young charmander would think bagons part of his
family.

Later on that night when sid and travis returned to the tent they found
bagon and charmander curled up together. Charmander still looked quite
weak but he looked much better then the state that Sid found him in.


Early in the morning when Sid had just woke up he noticed that travis,
Bagon And the little charmander has disapeared, Sid then got dressed
and walked outside and saw travis filming bagon and charmander

Sid: What are you doing out here so early?

Travis: Look how they play. You can tell there both of a dragon species
and the young charmander is treating bagon like a parent....
I just had to get it on tape.

Sid: Well i think we should pack up acording to this map there is a
unoffical gym nearbye.

Travis: A unofical gym?

Sid: Yeah instead of getting badges at these gyms you win prizes like
a rare t.m or huge amounts of cash and even scarce pokemon.

Travis: Well we cant go looking like this now can we? i say we
freshen up pack up camp and head out

Sid: Yeah but before we do I must take care of something

Sid then walked over to the young charmander and asked him if he was
intrested in joing his pokemon party

Charmder *thinks* I must join this party....I couldnt survive without
them...but its not only that...I feel a strong connection
with him.

Charmander then walked up to the ball that sid had placed before it
and lightly tapped it. Just then a red laiser popedout of the ball
ans absorbed the weak pokemon. the ball layed there motionless with
no hassle from the pokemon. Myba vecause it was to weak or maybe
because he was serious about joining the team either way Sid now has
2 pokemon and is on the hunt for sneasel.




i know i said my last one was gunna be my last one but i decided id keep writeing just for fun and to sharpen my skill you know? anyways i had this one lying around for a while (i always stay a few inhead just incase i hit a metal block or sumthin) anyways this fic was based on a hack whick will mostl ikely become a rm2k game anywas here ya go

 

[metagrossman]

this is some very good writing i amimpressed! *adds to eevees reputation* BYE

 

[Mr Cat Dog]

Well, it seems your main problem is spelling and grammar. If you just type your chapters up into the relpy boxes, I suggest you start typing them up into something like Microsoft Word, or another word processing program, since they'll be able to spot grammatical errors, like when to have a capital letter, and spelling errors.

You say you type very quickly, so it's obviously affecting your spelling. It's OK to tone it down a bit. No one's going to mind if you don't have a chapter up when you planned it. I sometimes go weeks off course when I'm writing chapters because I'm checking to make sure everything's perfect, with as little errors as possible. Proofreading really does help in situations like this.

Although there is description, it only happens outside of battles, and the battles can be the most exciting part. It helps to liven them up by describing the attacks instead of saying them verbally. It may be hard to incorparate into a script fic, but it'll be worth it in the end.

As for the plot itself, it seems a little bit strange - especially the first chapter with the Professor. I didn't understand properly until I reread it several times (and by several I mean 5 or 6 o_O), and when I did get it, I though it was a bit weird.

What I did like however was the idea of him being filmed by Travis. This added a nice touch to it, and I appluad you for it *claps hands*

Well, it's mainly your spelling and grammar you need to work on, but with a word processing program, it should help you a lot. ^_^

"A Vote for Justice is a Vote for MCD"

 

[emeraldslay]

I would read it, but to tell you the truth, I have a major grudge against script format. I hate it. Sorry.

 

[evee]

thanks for all of the positivity and i should probabley prof read it its just that i really dont have alot of ime on the computer but i guess people want quality over quanity and i can understand that....thanks for your input

 

[evee]

for anyone whos intrested it is going to take awhile for the rest o go up (2 months) but by them i will have all the summerys of each chapter so they will be easy to write....anyways seeya