An ode to music :D

[FallacyOfTruth]

Im writing a poem for a competition at my school. Tell me if you think this is first
prize material?? :p

Where would i be without sound? Up on the sky, or down on the ground?
Without the majestic beauty of noise, id be like a child who has lost all his toys.
For without music i could not manage a stammer, im like a carpenter, a guitar my hammer
In my opinion music is what makes the world go round, it makes us all smile, picks us up when were down
Music is the best, it puts all else to shame, it is what sputs the pulse in my viens
To hear the beauty of sound, id pay any cost, for without music id be forever lost

thats the end :P
Any feedback would be appreciated :)

 

[TJgamer]

This poem is (how you say it) totally awesome!
Your going to use this in a competition at your school?
In that case, the only critical thing I could think of is the line "I'm like a carpenter, a guitar my hammer". It's a little strange in my perspective.
But for being first prize material, I can't be too sure. Though if I was judge, I'd would surely give this poem consideration.

 

[FallacyOfTruth]

This poem is (how you say it) totally awesome!
Your going to use this in a competition at your school?
In that case, the only critical thing I could think of is the line "I'm like a carpenter, a guitar my hammer". It's a little strange in my perspective.
But for being first prize material, I can't be too sure. Though if I was judge, I'd would surely give this poem consideration.

Thank you for the feedback..really appreciate it :)