Any good...

~Ozy~

PC's Unofficial Poetry Critic
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    Miscellaneous poems of a mischievous mind

    Okay, I'm editing this to be a general anthology of my poems for PC. I might include notes on thm might not. you'll just have to see. I'll be puttingup a few of my older ones first, the ones I'm proud of.


    I never was any good
    At writing anyone a love poem
    It always seemed to hurt to much
    My heart was always too bruised
    My soul was never trusting

    So I guess this will have to do
    Inadaquate as I think it is
    Because nothing's adaquate for you
    I can't give you all you deserve
    Please listen anyway

    You heal me
    Make me feel like it's going to be okay
    Even when nothing's going the way I'd like
    I trust you
    More than I do myself
    Or any other
    My world revolves around you
    Do you understnd that
    I know I don't

    I was never any good
    At writing anyone a love poem
    I hope this will do​
     
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    It was interesting, however it didn't flow to well.
     
    it didnt flow at all. it was ok though. improve on the flowing
     
    That was actually part of the point of this. Not to sound defensive or anything, but strem-of-conciousness poetry rarely, if ever flows.
     
    He's right, you know. Stream-of-consioucness poems aren't supposed to flow. Normally, they're very choppy, so it fits his said genre.

    *giggles* And thanks, koi. I did enjoy it, though you knkow I think you are more than adequet for me.
     
    Well, these first three are examples of my improv, in fact when I was doing nothing but write improvisational poetry. These are my my favorites of the three. Written, respectively, for an ex-boyfriend, kinda as a POV piece, and finally, when I was thinking about the more violent side of me and its contrast with who ya'all usually see.

    Why?
    Why did you
    Have to lie
    Why couldn't you
    Just say goodbye
    And now I want
    For you to die
    Because you lied
    Because I cried
    And something inside
    Made me decide
    That love ain't worth the ride
    On this emotional tide

    But now I find
    There's another who's kind
    Has seeped inside my mind
    Made my heart shine

    And now you want me to come back
    After what you did, you deny the fact
    That you betrayed me, stabbed me in the back
    You take a different tack
    Say that it was the crack
    I still don't wanna come back

    I've moved on
    What love we had
    Is long since gone
    But I still ask why

    Gravity
    Gravity
    Filling me
    With overflowing
    Sincerity
    Overwhelming me
    Washing over me
    Killing me
    Instilling in me
    Sense of duty
    Loyalty
    Bravery
    Finally,
    No more gravity
    My heart runs free
    A light I see
    And thus I flee
    From gravity

    Conflicted
    They say it's alright.
    That I don't need to fight.
    That I can still write.
    I think it's a lie.
    I could make them die.
    Fists and feet.
    Blood on the street.
    Broken bones, shattered lives.
    Pile of bodies outside a dive.
    Why do I fight?
    I just want to write.
    But it's not alright.
    I still want to fight.
    Scent of blood in my brain.
    And the thought still remains.
    Block, punch, kick.
    Another mother****ing prick.
    And still I fight.    ​
     
    *shivers* Powerful poetry, love. I envy your rhyming abilities. I have none, so it seems. :P
     
    Ah......so now I see whos with Phantom Mew...always wondered...but anywho, that's not really any of my buisness...ahem...


    You, too, are a wonderful poet. And you, too, have surpassed me in many ways. You have become another star in my sky along with Phantom Mew and blue eyes white dragon. These first few are most impressive. Very touching and very well said (except for Conflicted...that was an awesome one with action! :laugh: ) You also must be bowed to.
     
    Thanks, to all of you. *giggles* Though truth be told, Blaine's assessment of my writing is still the one I value most. :P They all mean a lot to me, though, really, they do. I'm not used to m work being recognized. I'm still working through some of my older poetry, these next two are rather mre emotional, for me, at least. Again, respectively, in memory of my grandfather (and koi, sorry, I know by this point you must be getting a little weary of hearing about him), cutting, and, well, I suppose you could call it a protest poem.


    Angelic Requiem
    An angel came within my dreams
    To tell me of my fears
    And all the things that saddened me so
    Throughout the passing years

    A bottle of tears she gave to me
    So I could remember you
    And I know that you will one day see
    All of our dreams come true

    The tears of the world, they comfort me
    For I know I?m not alone
    Even though you?ve left this world
    I?m never on my own

    The bottle of tears she gave to me
    Came from the heart and soul
    And let your life be remembered by
    The light you gave to the world

    One Cut/Spiral
    One cut more
    And I spiral down
    I fall ever deeper
    Never hitting the ground.

    One cut deeper
    I feel the pain
    The blood runs down
    Red glorious rain.

    One cut further
    There's no hope, no light
    I love the darkness
    I can taste the night.

    One cut two
    I look over again
    My knife lies there
    No hope, just sin.

    Tortured Genius
    Tortured Genuis
    Head in the sky
    Softly composing a lullaby
    Ignoring all the simple fools
    Thinking the only way to rule
    Is with force, and might, and guns, and bombs
    Filling the world with violence and death
    Destroying peace and death
    And dads and moms
    All with a single "smart bomb"
    On a "surgical strike"
    Designed to stop one evil dictator

    Tortured genius
    Head in the clouds
    Dreaming of a banner unfurled
    On the top of a castle in another world
    Unlike our own
    Where the selfsame fools
    Who think the only way to rule
    Is with force and might and decption and lies
    Filling the airwaves with their false words,
    "This is all in the intrest of your saftey"
    "With technology, we guarantee there will be no civillian casualties"
    Never guessing that one "smart bomb"
    Ripped apart families, dads, kids, and moms

    Tortured Genius
    Watching that banner unfurled
    On the top of a castle in another world
    Where peace reigns supreme
    Tortured only because
    He knows it's a dream
    Which will only come true
    After Death's barrier is breached
    After that lone castle beseiged
    By the forces of violence, guns, and bombs
    Have all passed away
    And forever peace reigns    ​
     
    *nods* Wonderful Poems, love. All I can really say, other than I am NOT tiring of hearing of your grandfather. I never would.
     
    I must say you show your works well. Quite well written and very deep. I tip my hat to you again. And it is with great warmth that I say you did splendidly.
     
    I have a surprise for you all today. A NEW poem! :P Corona is a little fussy at the moment, so it might not be top notch, but I wrote it, and Corona's whining be ****ed. I actually wrote it about my home state, Colorado (the bells referenced in the first verse are the Maroon Bells, in case you're wondering).

    Seasonal
    Bells always chiming
    Midsummer, patchwork of snow
    Bighorn below, dining
    All in sunset's glow

    Aspen leaves golden
    Patch of wealth in the green
    I in thrall, beholden
    Atumnal glory to be seen

    Howling winter in the pass
    Cutting sharp in powder fine
    Avalanching up in Snowmass
    Up a backcountry climb

    Mud and rocks, cold and heat
    Snow and sunshine ev'ry second day
    Vernal playtime needs warm feet
    Or with frostbite you'll pay

    Never doubt my homeland's glory
    Nor the dangers too
    Every sunrise tells a story
    Every sunset makes it true    ​
     
    In my opinion, it started slow, but picked up and finished off nicely at the end. Once again you have done a superb job.
     
    *smiles* Nice one, love. Your attatchment to CO has been made apparant again! :P
     
    ANOTHER new poem by me! YAY! :P Well, this is kinda about when I started to realize just how close I felt to my pair, and when romantic feelings for her started to come back. Again, stream-of-conciousness poetry.

    Ending it all
    I was about to
    Let it all end
    Throw it away
    Cold steel sticking through me

    I said it was to protect you
    To keep them from harm
    Then you said I was wrong
    And let it all end

    I'm not sure why
    I trusted you
    Let you stop me
    Told you I wouldn't
    Said I'd try something else
    But I did
    And I'm grateful
    Else we'd both be dead

    That's when it started coming back
    Started wanting to hold you
    But that wasn't right
    That wasn't who I was
    But it was, I found
    Afraid to tell you
    Terrified to let you know
    Because you wouldn't want me

    But you did
    And I did
    And now, together
    For both of us
    We ended it all    ​
     
    *sigh*......wish I could have that feeling......but alas...

    Very good work once again. You are amazing.
     
    This is pretty much the only thread I'll continue to post in, as I do still have poetry to share with everyone. So listen, okay? :P This one is almost a song, I guess.

    Guilty
    You said it was all right
    But that was last night
    And it doesn't seem now
    Like it's gonna work out

    I'm guilty, tried in my mind
    Try to find innocence, get left behind
    It's NOT all right
    No matter what was said last night

    Can you feel it, my lament?
    In my mind, it all makes sense
    My guilt weighs down my soul
    And I don't deserve the role.

    (that I'm placed in...)

    I'm guilty, tried in my mind
    Try to find innocence, get left behind
    It's NOT all right
    No matter what was said last night

    It's said life goes on
    But in my guilt, I'm but a pawn
    Undeserving and alone
    Without joy of my own

    And the jury comes in
    Against you I've sinned
    Sentenced to bleed
    Sentenced to need

    (to apologize for my wrongs...)

    I'm guilty, tried in my mind
    Try to find innocence, get left behind
    It's NOT all right
    No matter what was said last night    ​
     
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    Adamant, you have once again outdid yourself. I am proud to idolize you as one of the best around. You inspire me to keep going. And as for this piece, very emotional on my part. excellent.
     
    ....Amazing. ^_^ You really are an excellent poet.
    You really made sure not to leave out detail, which is excellent. Detail always makes a poem more intense.
    I saw a few typos in there but that won't kill anyone so meh~
    You also might wanna play around with some different rhyming schemes, and see what happens. It's kinda cool to see the outcomes.
    You're flow is all right, always room for improvment but it looks good.

    I look forward to the rest of your poems! ^_^

    ~Eli
     
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