Whoa, what's going on?
That's one long title btw. :) But this is one long review too so meh. Bear with me.
Anyhoo, let's just start with the basics for now - grammar and plot. I know, we all love it but yeah, that's what you REALLY need to work on right now. Description as well.
The ever infamous game plot of the Ru/Sa plot that took over half the fics of ff.net for a long while (and I should know, I helped start it =P). I do hope that you do have a mainstream plot for this fic because if your relying on the Ru/Sa game to be your plot, not many people are going to like that. =/ It's fine to use the games as a background plot of course but not as the mainstream as well.
But let's start from the beginning no?
It was a beautiful day here on the hoeen city when the story starts with too trainers they are brendan Brich and May OAk.Brendan has always long too be a pokemon master.His rival is Wally Woods.And May wanted to be a contest master.Her rival is Drew[Shuu].Here is brendan now near the cost of the platerburg gym."Soon i will be a pokemon master!
Which "hoeen" city do you speak of? There is no "hoeen" city to my knowledge. You've got to be more specific with us with background information. Never heard of "platerburg" gym either. And who's talking in this paragraph? For all we know, since your explaining the characters, a rock could be talking.
Proper nouns and beginning of sentences are always capitalized btw. Also, double space after periods. It helps readers actually *read* the fic instead of having it crowded and squished together.
I'm confused on how Brendan and May already have rivals if they just started their journey too. Also, how is May related to Oak? You can't just link canon characters to other canon characters despite the fact that this May isn't based off the anime one.
here at this gym with my pokemon team:
Poochyena,Seedot,Zigzagzoon and Treecko!."Uh, hey Treecko were are you were suspose to strike a pose with us when we cheered!".Brendan's Treecko just sat on a tree branch and snoozed."Oh man the time i hade you you were always so......you
"Here at this gym with my pokemon team"? Yet again, this could be a tree or the narrator talking, not Brendan himself (who I assume is suppose to be talking). Never list things in fics; show, not tell after all.
No comments on the attempt on character development. It's rather laid back like Ash's IMO but we'll see later on.
The flashback seen, I have to admit, burned my eyes. x_X You random switch through script and story mode was odd not to mention the fact that your punctuation and capitalization were pretty terrble. o.0
Where did Brendan get this pok?ball anyways? Did he pull it out of his- you know where lol?
Let's not even tackle the subject of spelling right now. Spelling isn't that difficult usually; a simple spellchecker could of caught that typos.
When a character is talking, it's important to END it with another quotation mark otherwise reviewers might literally think that the character is stating the description (of what there way anyways).
While on description, describe the settings, the characters, the Pok?mon, the battle, practically everything the eye can see. Or what you see in your head type out so we can see it too.
Be a dear and clickerz the link that Oni put on your thread ja?
LaTeR dAyZ!
............please i told you that this is my very first fanfic.It is very different from yours but that the way the world cumbles. :\