Beautiful Ice

[Scytheteen]

This is a poem i wrote about a year ago, I hope you guys like it

Beautiful Ice​

The cold icy bed
Laying in a pool of water

The mistress struggles for survival;
Struggles to keep her children alive

A cold-blooded predator in the night,
Stalking and readying for attack

A swift motion of the beast
And her blanket tears in two.

The mistress sinks lower into her bed.
Feeling no guilt, no shame.

***

Comments? Thoughts? Criticism?

 

[TJgamer]

It's very...unknown. The story has such a mysterious feeling to it.
The structure is nice. Your free-verse style was pleasant to read.
Good work.

 

[Regeneration]

I'll agree with TJgamer, the structure is perfect. I can see that your thoughts describing the scene have been put forward in a real good manner.

I can't really find any flaw in this poem hence I shall deem it awesome. :D

Though this isn't really required, you should be a bit more careful when it comes to punctuation, just makes the poem flow better. Then again, it isn't necessary.

 

[Scytheteen]

It's very...unknown. The story has such a mysterious feeling to it.
The structure is nice. Your free-verse style was pleasant to read.
Good work.

thank you! it means a lot that you liked it!

I'll agree with TJgamer, the structure is perfect. I can see that your thoughts describing the scene have been put forward in a real good manner.

I can't really find any flaw in this poem hence I shall deem it awesome. :D

Though this isn't really required, you should be a bit more careful when it comes to punctuation, just makes the poem flow better. Then again, it isn't necessary

Thanks for the feedback! I always feel a little more lenient about my punctuation when doing free verse, but I'll keep it in mind for other things I write cause i suck at punctuation.