Chase

[blankspace]

Title: Chase
Genre: Romance
Rating: Everyone (so far)
Warning/s: None so far
Author: blankspace
Status: Incomplete/ unfinished

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon. I never will.

Chase
Chapter 1​

Armed with a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates, Brock stood gallantly in front of yet another beautiful woman. The dark brown spikes of his hair stood in cared-for perfection. Hours of combing and gelling in front of the mirror led to the finished product that was his mane. His tanned skin was smooth to touch in the hopes that its milky texture would entice the lady in front of him. His white suit was pressed and wrinkle-free. The contours of the ensemble brought out how manly he truly was.

He was dressed to perfection. No crease, wrinkle, nor even a hair was out of place as he stood in front of this girl and yet as the words he'd watched his reflection recite over and over finally tumbled out of his mouth…

"Will you go out with me?"

There was no stutter to his voice, no pause for fear of rejection. The words rang out clear and loud. A quiet confidence emanated from his voice. Though somehow his words went unheeded and the woman merely sidestepped him to go on her way. Not even a nod of recognition was given him.


Yet another piece of his heart broke off from the main chamber. He felt the small section flutter in his chest before crashing down into the pits of his stomach. With the sinking, he felt the familiar drain of strength and thought.

He was alone in his mind. The city with its streets, people, pokemon, and its hustle and bustle ceased to be. He was alone. The solitude was welcome.

Once again, his declaration of love was rebuffed by yet another female and what hurt most was this time she wasn't just another girl he glimpsed on the street. No, he knew her and she knew him. Still she dealt with him cruelly, refusing to give him even a simple no.

For a brief moment, he thought of giving up on the notion of romantic love entirely and directing his attentions to only the platonic kind of loving but his mind cleared. Yes, he was definitely a lover. He was born with a mission and that was to provide one very special girl all the devotion she could ever possibly desire.

The only problem was every single woman he chose to bestow upon his affections was blind to that need for caring. That was alright, he thought. They would soon see that Brock was the way to everlasting bliss. No, only that girl, only she needed to see that.

He opened his eyes and let his hands fall to his sides. He had a choice. Would he try to show her he truly cared about her or would he let her walk away? One parting was already enough. Would he allow her to walk out of his life yet again?

To be continued...

A/N: Er, yeah. This is my first Pokemon fanfic. Constructive criticism would be appreciated. :nervous:

 

[Astinus]

I like it. It's a good Brock-centered fic that catches his character rather well. I'm intrigued as to who this woman is that he cares so deeply for.

Just caught one typo...

Hours of combing and gelling I front of the mirror led to the finished product that was his mane.

Should be "in".

Other than that, it looks good. I'm hoping that you continue! ^_^

 

[blankspace]

Thank you for the comment and for pointing out my error. I'll go fix it right away. ^_^

 

[blankspace]

Chapter 2

Chase
Chapter 2​

A decision was made. He would go after her. Brock pumped his fist into the air, still holding onto the bouquet and felt his vigour surge through him again. He decided to see if he could change her mind. He turned and sprinted to catch up with her. His feet pounded the ground with every step he took. Petals of the bouquet flew off as he gained speed. The chocolate thudded and bumped about in its casing as he moved just like the sound of the drumming of his heart in his ears.

There was the thrill of the chase again. He picked up more speed as he saw the familiar redhead turn left into another street. He vowed not to lose her. He couldn't lose her. Not again.

"Miss, you just have to say yes to me!" The pleading in his voice startled even him but he shook away the desperation and ran even faster than before, his brown vest flapping behind him as he tried to catch up with his fair lady.

He chased her down the street and onto the next, panting. His breath caught in his throat. His head felt light. She was gone. Again.

He dropped onto the chair nearest to him in the small café on that little street corner. He set his tokens of affection on the table, holding his head in his hands. Beads of sweat trailed down his face as he fought to catch his breath.

Her face flashed in his mind and he choked. The stunning smile that took his breath away, the jovial azure eyes that turned steely when upset, the supple lips that called to him, the cheeks that reddened in the most enthralling way, he could not forget any of it.

As he sat there supposing, considering, thinking of so many things all at once, he felt a figure approach. Assuming it was a waiter come to take his order, he glanced up and saw that indeed it was a waiter. At the back of his mind, taunts rang through. He so wished that maybe, just maybe, it was his dream come true approaching but no. It was not so.

"May I take your order, sir?" the waiter asked cordially.

The words barely registered in his mind before he found himself naming random items on the menu. He asked for a parfait, a slice of chocolate cake, fried chicken and other foods he could not care less for at the moment. Still he ordered them and the waiter went away.

A thought crossed his mind on why he ordered so much and he almost managed to laugh. Was it not customary for the broken-hearted to feast in the hope of forgetting the aching?

The waiter returned to give him a glass of water and Brock took it in his hands and examined it, rolling it about in his palms, though he took care not to spill the water. A deep stare into the water revealed a distorted reflection of his appearance, but not being in his normal state of mind, he took it as his true exterior. He thought himself to be extremely homely at that very instant, and felt compelled to believe that was the reason for his rejection.

His state of desolation must have prompted the hands of fate to pity him, thus giving him a chance for joy. As he stared at his reflection, he raised the glass slightly and behold. Out of the swimwear shop across the street, emerged the beautiful angel.

Was it a sign from heaven that he should never lose hope? Regardless of whether it was or was not a sign, he took it as one. He rose, leaving his gifts on the table along with money for food he did not eat.

The chase was on again.

 

[ProtrainerEon]

I enjoyed this. Your writing is nearly perfect in terms of errors. Punctuation and Grammar are small issues here. There were a few errors I caught but nonetheless the story is coming along well. Keep up the good work, fellow writer! :D

Brock pumped his fist into the air, still holding onto the bouquet and felt his vigour surge through him again.

Just added a comma after 'air.'

The chocolates thudded and bumped about in their casing as he moved just like the sound of the drumming of his heart in his ears.

(or you could nix the "s" on chocolates and keep its) In my opinion, the second suggestion I presented to you would be best. As I said previously, this is just one of few minor errors I found.

He turned the corner onto the street he saw her enter and stopped, panting.

Perhaps you could say, "He followed the beautiful woman around the corner onto another street and stopped, panting." Or instead of enter, say "turn onto."

Enter is the wrong word to use here since it implies that there is some sort of opening to pass through, like a door. There is no door. A street is walked on, not through. Get the idea?

"Miss, you just have to say yes to me!" The pleading in his voice startled even him, but he shook away the desperation and ran even faster (than before), his brown vest flapping behind him as he tried to catch up with his fair lady.

I added in an exclamation after the end of his sentence and a comma after 'him'. Again with the minor errors. Good job staying on your feet here.

Also, I wrote in 'even faster' instead of 'more,' with than before being an optional addition to this change. It's up to what you want.

The waiter returned to give him a glass of water and Brock took it in his hands and examined it, rolling it about in his palms, though (as) he took care not to spill the water.

Either put a comma in the sentence after 'palms,' or substitute in 'as' for the word though. Ok?

Next...and last!

A deep stare into the water revealed a distorted reflection of his appearance, but not being in his normal state of mind, he took it as his true exterior. He thought himself to be extremely homely at that very instant, and felt compelled to believe that was the reason for his rejection.

Well, you got a little mixed up here, but no matter. I shall ride in on my golden stallion and help you! XD

So...anyways, let's get to the point. Aww, poor homely Brock. :P

I think that word was great for the moment and good for molding his saddened character in this scene. Your characterization for this chapter is, as always (in first chapter too), excellent.

I simply added commas after 'appearance' and 'instant.' You did great here, it was just that the sentences seemed a little stretched without being divided by commas.

His state of desolation must have prompted the hands of fate to pity him, thus giving him a chance for joy.

Just a comma (after 'him'), no worries.


Now, I think I'm done...yes, I am. Great job! I'll be looking forward to reading your next installment.

 

[Astinus]

As ProtrainerEon pointed out your grammar mistakes, then my review will be shorter than normal. Normally what I focus on is grammar! xP

Anyhow, I have my guesses as to who it is that Brock is chasing after. When you dropped a few hints describing the woman, a picture formed in my mind. From that, I figured it out. I can't wait to see how correct I am...or wrong!

Once again, you impress me with the fact that you include in Brock's feelings. Whether it's because I'm still stuck on another romance fic that I read last night that skimped on emotions, or what, I can't say. What I can say is that I can feel for Brock as he chases after this woman. Congratulations on that! It's something that some people forget to put in: feelings.

I'm going to be waiting for the next chapter! Good luck on it!

 

[blankspace]

ProtrainerEon: Thank you for that. ^_^ I find it very helpful. I've also editted the mistakes you've pointed out. As for that one part with the street and the turning, er, I tried to change the sentence while thinking of your advice. I hope that sentence works better now. Oh, and... Thank you for liking it!

Hanako Tabris: Hehe! Thank you. I sure hope you got it right since I wanted the description to come out correctly. ^_^ Hopefully Brock will get the girl in the end. XD I don't even know what's going to happen in the end, so all I can say is 'Go Brock! You can do it!'

 

[ProtrainerEon]

Maybe you should add in the element of another guy. Brock's heart is crushed when he follows the girl and sees her dating this one dude. Then the chapter ends and on the next chapter you tell the story from the mysterious guy's point of view. Get me?

That'd be interesting. XD I'm such an evil heart crusher.

 

[blankspace]

Aw, but Brock's heart would be so crushed! Poor thing...

Although maybe... XD We'll see what happens.

 

[blankspace]

Chapter 3

Chase
Chapter 3​

"Would it kill you to wait for me?" he yelled in frustration.

It was no use of course. Only the spearow, soaring through the air, heard his cry. Other than that, no one was around to hear him. His chase led him to a vast forest in the outskirts of the city. It was dusk and no one was around for what seemed to be miles.

The chase proved to be futile... again.

"Whispered words will never reach you, will they?"

A stump of a tree beckoned him to sit, and he dropped onto it, lifting his gaze to the heavens. The clouds floated by languidly as always, moving slowly at their own pace, constantly moving, but where do they go?

"Where am I going?" he voiced. "I'm trying to find you" He lowered his gaze. "But it seems you don't want to be found."

Glancing around the vicinity, Brock tried to come up with a plan. There just had to be something he could do, absolutely anything, for him to find her. His thoughts were becoming increasingly paranoid.

What if she saw him following her and lured him into the forest to get him lost? What if he followed the wrong girl? No, that was impossible. What if- what if- what if she just doesn't feel the same way- that's why, why... she just ignored him.

He shook these thoughts away, blocking the passageway to his mind. Such pessimistic thoughts would never help him. How would he ever find his way to her if he just sat there thinking awful things?

The spearow flying overhead seemed to have taken a liking to him and swooped down to join him in his thoughts. He smiled briefly at it and reached out to stroke the feathers. The spearow seemed to enjoy it and nuzzled closer to him, looking for more warmth.

A bitter smile replaced the brief smile of joy and it settled on his face for quite some time. He continues to caress the spearow, wishing that it was her he was with and not just some wild pokemon. He sighed. He looked up and realized night has fallen. Should he start trying to find his way back?

Then out of the corner of his eye, he saw her. Emerging from the shadows like a prized possession that was lost and now found, she stood there. He turned his head to affix his gaze on her, the splendour that caused him nights of sleep.

He wished to say something- anything!- but his throat went dry and his mind went blank. Where were the arduous speeches he'd practiced so meticulously? Where were they now that the maiden stood before him?

After eternity passed him by, he found the words he'd lost, and opened his mouth to speak. However, she beat him to it.

"Follow me"

Following years of silence, he finally heard her speak again, and those two words left him weak like no other command before. He stood to follow for he swore before there was nothing for her that he would fail to do.

 

[Astinus]

This is getting better! I loved the descriptions of Brock just sitting in the middle of the forest, alone with his thoughts.

A few grammar spots:

The clouds floated by languidly as always, moving slowly at its own pace, constantly moving, but where does it go?

If your main subject is plural, in this case "clouds", then other mentionings of it in the same sentence should be as well. So your sentence should read: "The clouds floated by languidly as always, moving slowly at their own pace, constantly moving, but where do they go?"

"I'm trying to find you," he lowered his gaze.

That comma should be a full stop, and the h in "he" should be capitalized.

The spearow fling overhead

"flying"

Good luck with the next chapter! ^^

 

[blankspace]

Thanks for being there to point out my mistakes, Hanako. ^_^ I seem to have a big problem with suject-verb agreement. How sad. My past English teachers will be so disappointed in me. XD

Okay, in my next post, I'll be placing the last chapter. I don't feel very confident about the ending but... I can't seem to change it. Who knows why? Ah, well...

 

[blankspace]

4th Chapter or Ending

Chase
Chapter 4 ​

Past the trees, bushes, and lush green grass, they hiked. The angel was always a few feet ahead, never stalling enough to allow him time to catch up. At first, he believed they had to stride side by side, but whenever he grew closer, she picked up the pace. Following minutes of this fruitless chase, he paused and allowed her to take the lead. Wherever they were going, she either wanted to see it first or… or she could not bear to stand next to him.

Passing a small hanging bridge, the beauty looked back and for a moment, they locked eyes on each other. But then as suddenly as she turned to look, she was walking ahead again, her eyes locked on the path. Brocks cheeks colored. Did he imagine that? Was he so infatuated that when in her presence, he would drift off and imagine his dreams and his fantasies to be real? He shook his head to clear his mind. He had to focus. This was unfamiliar terrain. He could easily lose his way. However, he found that despite his self-discipline, he could not help but envision the two of them together, walking hand in hand...

Their travelled path led on and on through endless twists and turns. It went up and down, over rocks and a little stream, and as he thought about this, he almost laughed. It was strange how this trail mirrored his romantic life's path, full of twists, rocks and roughness. Had it not been for his anxiety, he would have burst into laughter right then and there in the middle of a vast forest far away from the city. However, he was nervous and boisterous laughter was out of the question. However, it mirrored his love life so well that though he tried to contain himself, a small chuckle escaped him.

The fiery keeper of his heart- ironic as it was given her love for water- turned to face him, looking puzzled. Brock's heart froze. That gaze, that look of confusion, brought his heart to a stop before making it pound rapidly like a hitmonchan in the middle of a pokemon battle.

That look upon her face drove his heart to a standstill but at the very same time, it caused his heart to pound mercilessly. Was it his fault that a woman could affect him so? He did not think so. Why was he driven frail when in the face of the woman he loved?

"Brock"

His name was considered very manly but when used by her, the context changed dramatically. Instead of images of a man with burly rock pokemon that could wound others greatly, it conjured images of him, Brock, but in a kinder, more feminine, more loving light. Such as thoughts of Brock in an apron, slaving over dinner or cleaning the house, and Brock taking special care of sick pokemon.

"Brock"

For the second time, she spoke his name. It had a nice sound to it when she said it. He kept silent, hoping for her to say his name again. He imagined her whispering it to him in a more intimate setting. A chill went through his spine! Brock, Brock, Brock… He loved how his name echoed in his mind, invoking tender fantasies.

"Brock"

There it was again. A sweet smile spread on his face. Could she please repeat his name, he longed to ask. It has been so long, too long, since she last used his name numerously. Back then, they were only kids and now they were adults.

"Brock!"

A hint of impatience was there. If it were another person speaking, he would have heeded the irritation but as he was still trapped in his dreams, he could not reply.

Suddenly the tree was behind him and hands gripped his shirt. Leaning against his chest was a head. Her head, he realized.

"Will you listen to me, Brock?"

A sense of urgency and desperation was evident in her voice. It chilled him to think that she was upset. Why was she upset? He needed to know what bothered her. Still, he believed that she would tell him. No, he knew that she would tell him if not now, some other time. She was like that. Always speaking her mind.

"Okay, I'll listen" he whispered. He reached out to stroke her soft hair. "I'll listen. I'm all ears"

She looked up and Brock stared deep into her eyes. Maybe that was elation he saw. Maybe there was a little bit of fear. Maybe she was just nervous when he asked. A guy in a tuxedo standing in front of you was intimidating, after all. Maybe she wanted to play hard-to-get. Maybe she just needed to say something right now. But he knew deep inside that for now the chase was over. He smiled. Under the stars, in the middle of nature, he could finally say what he truly wanted to.

All that worrying for nothing, huh? Maybe he was just a bit too melodramatic.

"I'll chase after you forever if you wanted. I love you… Misty"

The End.

 

[Astinus]

=D I was right! It was Misty! *does drunkrabbit dance* Gymshipping is awesome, and a ship that I used to be in to. It's great to read a fic about it again.

Brocks cheeks colored.

You need an apostraphe to make "Brock's" possessive. Otherwise, it's multiple amounts of Brocks running around. xD

All those "Brock" that Misty says need to have a full stop after them. You left them without one.

And I don't think there were any other errors. But maybe that's because I was enjoying the conclusion of this.

It went up and down, over rocks and a little stream, and as he thought about this, he almost laughed. It was strange how this trail mirrored his romantic life's path, full of twists, rocks and roughness.

Loved this part as well. The water, the rocks... It makes me happy.