Codename, Stealth

[Alana]

This is a fan fiction that I've been writing for a decent amount of time now. I plan on working on it every day so that I can finish it. Each chapter is 2-3 1/2 pages long on word, some longer but none shorter. That's just a heads up for anyone who doesn't like long chapters. I'm going to say it's rated PG-13 at the moment but it may change to a slightly high or slightly lower rating later on. Enjoy. ^_^


Prologue:

The year is 2057. It has been nearly five years since the war began. Five years since they appeared on our planet. Why they are here and how they came to be is still unknown. Some say it was the doing of scientists, others believe the supernatural were involved, and still others think it was the work of some kind of god. Whatever the reason, they're here. Perhaps it would have been best if humans hadn't reacted the way they had. Perhaps if they had just tried to coexist with them, the war would have never started. But we were foolish. We thought them weak, we thought we were greater than them and we treated them as lesser beings. We attacked them without cause and we thought they would just run away and hide. They did not. They fought back. Humans did not like this. Animals had no right to fight humans. They had no right to take revenge for the death of one of their own. They were lesser and they would be punished for what they had done.

It started with a few hunters who thought this would be a great chance to become famous. They would be the first in history to kill one of these creatures. They were. But they were also the first in history to be killed by one of the creatures. They did not take kindly to having one of their number shot down for nothing. They attacked the hunters with all their strength and succeeded in killing all but one.

More hunters set out, some friends of the ones who had died, some just wanting fame and money. Others simply wanted to feed their ego by killing them. Whatever their reasons for going on the hunt, they all had the same goal. To kill the herd that had killed the hunters. They marched into the forest with guns in hand, fully intending to rid the place of the creatures. They failed. A few managed to survive but most were killed instantly. They weren't the only ones. Many people attacked these strange creatures and many met the same fate as the hunters. They brought in fighting dogs as well as several large animals to attack them. They didn't stand a chance.

Now, before you go judging these creatures too harshly, remember, it was not their fault. They came from a world in which all humans were adapted to face them and in which they were the only other creatures. Dogs and cats of our world have no more power than a fly compared to their world. Also remember that they had been attack without cause. This had never happened on their world. They were scared, they were alone, and they were being treated with hatred and fear by most.

When the military was dragged in they had more success in killing the creatures than the ordinary hunters. However, many soldiers were killed. It was at this time that the war began. No longer was it a battle for ego, but now a battle for revenge. These creatures were now a threat and the government demanded they be exterminated. To many peoples amazement, there were protests to this. They came mostly from people ages five to twenty, people who supported these creatures and had tried to defend them without anyone noticing. Some had even befriended the creatures and taken one in. They fought against the government's demands but were met with ridicule and even violence. Eventually they began to form groups, the first of which was called the Defenders. As they grew in power and number the government began to worry. One year after the creatures' arrival on Earth, the government declared that all who allied themselves with the creatures were traitors and were under arrest.

As you can imagine, this wasn't taken very well by those who had now become known as Trainers. They referred to the creatures with their true name, Pokemon. They cared for them, protected them, and trained them just like the characters in the popular TV series. They built underground bases and created new technology. Devices much like the Pokeball and the Pokedex were invented. It was then that they dropped the name the Defenders and took the name the Resistance. The largest operation and the group the government was the most worried about. There were many other gangs that worked with Pokemon, not all with good intentions, but all who opposed the government.

The Resistance worked in secret. Few knew much about them because they were determined to keep the government ignorant of their doings. Most of the Resistance's members didn't even know their teammates true name. This started back when they were called the Defenders as a sort of game. They started to give themselves nicknames and some refused to give their real name at all. This became a requirement of the Resistance. They felt that it would be much safer in case one of their members was captured or turned on them. They also created a symbol for themselves that was tattooed onto every member of the Resistance. They used a special ink so that it could only be seen under a special light. Both the light and the ink were created by the Resistance.

It soon became popular with the other gangs but they didn't care about secrecy as much as the Resistance did so many of them didn't even try to hide their tattoo. Not that it really mattered. It was two years before the government was even aware of such a mark and they still don't know which belongs to which group. This is one reason the government have failed to infiltrate the Resistance's base for so long.

The war rages on with no sign of stopping. The Resistance are struggling to keep the Pokemon alive and doing their best to end the war before it's too late.

 

[Alter Ego]

Nyah, the plot concept in itself is interesting, but I hope you don't mind me saying that your writing style here is a bit too consistent with the writing of an RP plot. Namely, you've given away all of the initial information straight out rather than working it in bit by bit which, while perhaps not directly wrong, is a bit of a stylistic let-down. This kind of informing makes sense in an RP environment where the readers need to know their setting right from the beginning, but in fanfics, it's often more appealing for readers if you reveal information step-by-step as the story progresses, allowing them to make their own speculations and ideas about what's going on and then feel smart if they turn out right. Remember, a good prologue always leaves more questions open than answered. The fact that the reader won't know the whole story until the very end is a very strong incentive to keep them coming back, so don't be shy about playing it.

The year is 2057. It has been nearly five years since the war began, five years since they appeared on our planet. Why they are here and how they came to be is still unknown. Some say it was the doing of scientists, others believe the supernatural were involved, and still others think it was the work of some kind of god.

Gods are, by their very nature, supernatural beings, so you're kind of saying the same thing twice here at the end. Maybe you could replace that last bit with something like "some would even go as far as to say it was the work of a god"? Anyway, change the first full stop of this bit to a comma for the culmination effect. It gets a bit tedious if you resort to it too often, though, so keep that in mind while writing, but in decent amounts it's all well and good.

Whatever the reason, they're here. Perhaps it would have been best if humans hadn't reacted the way they had. Perhaps if they had just tried to co-exist with them, the war would have never started. But we were foolish.

Hiphon missing in 'co-exist'.

It started with a few hunters who thought this would be a great chance to become famous. They would be the first in history to kill one of these creatures. They were, but they were also the first in history to be killed by one of the creatures. They did not take kindly to having one of their number shot down for nothing. They attacked the hunters with all their strength and succeeded in killing all but one.

two instances of 'creatures' a bit too close to each other. This kind of repetition is not directly wrong, but it's stylistically clumsy and hurts the flow of your story, so you might want to consider replacing the second instance with a synonym. Anyway, comma rather than full stop after "They were".

More hunters set out, some [were] friends of the ones who had died [and wanted revenge], some wanted to feed their ego by killing them, and some just wanted fame and money. Whatever their reasons for going on the hunt, they all had the same goal: To kill the herd that had killed the hunters. They marched into the forest with guns in hand, fully intending to rid the place of the creatures.

Nyah, it's kind of weird to stick a 'just' in the middle of a list and then continue with "Others", just make it all the same list with commas, *Pokes corrections*. Also, you mentioned what the two latter kinds of people wanted, but not what the first kind did. For equity's sake, you might want to explain the motives of all three. *Pokes corrections again* At any rate, you can "march guns in hand" without a 'with' if you use it in this capacity, otherwise it should be "with guns in their hands" since there are many hunters and many guns.

Now, before you go judging these creatures too harshly, remember, it was not their fault. They came from a world in which all humans were adapted to face them and in which they were the only other creatures. Dogs and cats of our world have no more power than a fly compared to their world. Also remember that they had been attack without cause. This had never happened on their world. They were scared, they were alone, and they were being treated with hatred and fear by most.

Never attacked without cause? Heh, you'd think that the average wild pokémon you KO just because it happens to appear in front of you and you kind of want the exp would consider you to be "attacking without cause". Incidentally, your narrator has now made a sudden jump from objective description to subjective agenda-pushing. I do hope that was intentional. ^^

When the military was dragged in they had more success in killing the creatures than the ordinary hunters. However, many soldiers were killed. It was at this time that the war began. No longer was it a battle for ego, but now a battle for revenge.

Please note that not everyone was in it for ego reasons, as you just stated yourself. Also, you've got two instances of 'battle' awkwardly close to each other and the structure of that sentence looks awkward. You might want to solve all three probelms by substituting it with something like "It was no longer a battle for ego or [enter secondary motive here], but one of survival." The tone is also getting a bit monotonous with all the "killed, were killed. Killed, were killed" type stuff going around, so you might want to rethink this whole wartime part and rewrite it in a more compact form to avoid montony.

These creatures were now a threat and the government demanded they be exterminated.

You already stated that it was war, therefore it's quite obvious that the government considers these creatures enemies so there's really no point with this sentence.

As you can imagine, this wasn't taken very well by those who had now become known as Trainers. They referred to the creatures by their true name, Pokemon. They cared for them, protected them, and trained them just like the characters in the popular TV series. They built underground bases and created new technology. Devices much like the Pokeball and the Pokedex were invented.

The narrator is shifting from unpersonal to directly adressing the reader. At any rate, you refer to something by a name rather than with a name.

It was then that they dropped the name the Defenders and took the name the Resistance. The largest operation and the group the government was the most worried about. There were many other gangs that worked with Pokemon, not all with good intentions, but they all opposed the government.

"All who opposed the governement"...what? That's a perfectly good beginning of a sentence, but doesn't work as an end. "They all" is the correct expression here.

The Resistance worked in secret. Few knew much about them because they were determined to keep the government ignorant of their doings. Most of the Resistance's members didn't even know their teammates' true names. This started back when they were called the Defenders as a sort of game. They started to give themselves nicknames and some refused to give their real name at all. This became a requirement of the Resistance.

This is kind of a chunky paragraph with all the full stops, so you might want to ease that by rephrasing the section using more commas and less full stops. Hope that was a bit clearer than mud. ^^ The information is kind of controversial too. First you explain that they hide their true names to keep the government in the dark, but then you go on to explain that it's all just a game that became a standard. Just...which one is true? o.O If both, then you might want to think about how relevant this bit of policy history is for the prologue. You could wait until a suitable part of the actual chapters and add it there for extra flavour rather than having it drag down on the prologue (A part of the fanfic which should be as compact and consise as possible).

They felt that it would be much safer in case one of their members was captured or turned on them. They also created a symbol for themselves that was tattooed onto every member of the Resistance. They used a special ink so that it could only be seen under a special light. Both the light and the ink were created by the Resistance.

Once again, chunkiness and consistency problems. Try to avoid adding sentences like the "Both the light and the ink were created by the Resistance" one by inserting the information into other sentences instead, it would help the flow of the story a lot.

It soon became popular with the other gangs but they didn't care about secrecy as much as the Resistance did so many of them didn't even try to hide their tattoo. Not that it really mattered. It was two years before the government was even aware of such a mark and they still don't know which belongs to which group. This is one reason the government have failed to infiltrate the Resistance's base for so long.

Just as a thought: if all of these organizations are illegal, why would they care which one of the gangs the 'villain' is from? You'd think that they'd be incarcerated/tortured/blackmailed/whatever until they 'fessed up anyway.

The war rages on with no sign of stopping. The Resistance is struggling to keep the Pokemon alive and doing their best to end the war before it's too late.

'The Resistance' is singular rather than plural, so 'is' rather than 'are'. Also, this is kind of an anti-climatic way to end the prologue since you haven't really left the reader with any unanswered questions (The one about the creatures' origin was brought up as an aside waaaay back in this chapter, so it has long since lost impact), so you might want to do something about that too.


Anyway, that's about it for now. Your spelling and grammar are good, but you could use a bit more work in converting your writing style from RP to fanfic (There's a crucial difference between the two). Also, try experimenting with some more elaborate sentence structures and phrases. I mean, it's your fanfic so pull out your dictionary, metaphors, figures of speech and whatever else you've got and go crazy. xD It's never wrong to expand your control of language, and prologues and suchlike are a great opportunity to show off your writing skills and attract readers while you're at it. ^^ Anyhow, keep at it and don't force your actual chapters to be short. Sure, random lazy readers might be discouraged, but the loyal ones, the kind who actually provide helpful comments and really take the time to read every word you write rather than just lazily skimming through, will love it.

 

[Alana]

The prologue was written to be like an RP. It's also supposed to be chunky and give away what the story is about. The story isn't about how the war started or how the Resistance was formed, it's about one person living through the war so the background info helps the story rather than hurting it. (I think it does anyway. :P) But I think I may just go ahead and change the prologue into background information.

Never attacked without cause? Heh, you'd think that the average wild pokémon you KO just because it happens to appear in front of you and you kind of want the exp would consider you to be "attacking without cause". Incidentally, your narrator has now made a sudden jump from objective description to subjective agenda-pushing. I do hope that was intentional. ^^

There's a difference. Walking into a forest and shooting a Pokemon with a gun is very different than having two Pokemon battle each other.

You already stated that it was war, therefore it's quite obvious that the government considers these creatures enemies so there's really no point with this sentence.

The beginning is kind of a summary of everything and the rest of the prologue is just explaining everything in order with more detail.

This is kind of a chunky paragraph with all the full stops, so you might want to ease that by rephrasing the section using more commas and less full stops. Hope that was a bit clearer than mud. ^^ The information is kind of controversial too. First you explain that they hide their true names to keep the government in the dark, but then you go on to explain that it's all just a game that became a standard. Just...which one is true? o.O If both, then you might want to think about how relevant this bit of policy history is for the prologue. You could wait until a suitable part of the actual chapters and add it there for extra flavour rather than having it drag down on the prologue (A part of the fanfic which should be as compact and consise as possible).

When the Resistance was called the Defenders they had no idea things would get so bad. They had no reason to worry about their true identity being discovered.

Just as a thought: if all of these organizations are illegal, why would they care which one of the gangs the 'villain' is from? You'd think that they'd be incarcerated/tortured/blackmailed/whatever until they 'fessed up anyway.

Each group has different motives and different hideouts. The Government's biggest concern is the Resistance. Capturing some one from a small gang and torturing them to make them give up the location of the Resistance's base and their plans seems kind of pointless, no? That's why it's good to know who belongs where.

I know the ending isn't very good but I couldn't end it with the paragraph before. I had to add something to make it fit and what better way then a nice cliche sentence? :P

 

[Alter Ego]

Oooohkay...why do I get the impression that you're just plain fighting my points here? I'm trying to help, not bash. -.- Anyway, you seem to have kind of missed my point on several things so let me just give some response:

There's a difference. Walking into a forest and shooting a Pokemon with a gun is very different than having two Pokemon battle each other.

From your PoV, yes. But are you sure that applies for the pokémon on the recieveing end? An attack is an attack, regardless of whether it's performed by means of a gun, a claw, a fist or whatever. And when you think about it, what's the difference between a gunshot and say projectile attack (Spike Cannon, Icicle Spear, Rock Blast, Pin Missile etc.) from a high-level pokémon? Both are ranged attacks, in both cases you probably didn't see it coming and they both cause nasty damage. The games and the anime ignore this, but considering the size of, say, a Spike Cannon projectile and the force applied to launching it the result could very well be lethal.

The beginning is kind of a summary of everything and the rest of the prologue is just explaining everything in order with more detail.

And that is precisely the kind of thing you should avoid in prologues and prose writing in general. Your readers aren't idiots, they don't need to have these things repeated to them multiple times. -.- Just say it once and say it properly, pointless repetition makes it look like sloppy planning, and that's not a good impression to give. :\

When the Resistance was called the Defenders they had no idea things would get so bad. They had no reason to worry about their true identity being discovered.

This doesn't change the fact that the information is presented in an awkward order. You could start by explaining the nickname game when explaining about the early days of the resistance and then allude to it later with a phrase explaining that the practice was changed from a habit to a rule.

Each group has different motives and different hideouts. The Government's biggest concern is the Resistance. Capturing some one from a small gang and torturing them to make them give up the location of the Resistance's base and their plans seems kind of pointless, no? That's why it's good to know who belongs where.

It's good to know, but wouldn't torture be a rather efficient way to get that information? I just can't see the evil government cronies taking a random convict, checking the arm/whatever and going "Crap, I don't know this one. Guess we'll just have to let you go.", sorry. You already stated that they wanted to get rid of all resistance movements, 'The resistance' might be their main concern, but wouldn't picking off the organisations one by one (In whatever oder you happen to capture their members) be the smartes move on their part? Each base they destroy (Regardless of the organisation) would be one base less for their enemies and since they're all resistance movements you'd think that the government would figure them to be co-operating, ne? This being the case, every strike against a small organization is, indirectly, also a strike against the main one. To use a somewhat awkward comparison, the big crime bosses and criminal masterminds are the main concerns of IRL police, but that's not preventing them from capturing and interrogating all the small-time crooks now, is it?

I know the ending isn't very good but I couldn't end it with the paragraph before. I had to add something to make it fit and what better way then a nice cliche sentence?

Why, a nice cliché in the form of a question, of course. At any rate, I do symphatize with finding it hard to end once you get going. That's one of the main issues that have been preventing any of my fanfic ideas from reaching writing, that and the problem of starting. o.O

The story isn't about how the war started or how the Resistance was formed, it's about one person living through the war so the background info helps the story rather than hurting it.

I realize that this is not about the birth of the resistance, but sometimes it's better to start a story without giving a clear picture of the setting and then letting the pieces fall into place as you go along, so that, in a way, the readers are discovering two stories at the same time: the past and the present/future happenings. It was just a thought, really. I fail to see how chunkiness is helping your story, though; fluency is better since it tends to attract readers rather than bore them and helps them to 'get into' the story so to speak.

 

[Alana]

Oooohkay...why do I get the impression that you're just plain fighting my points here? I'm trying to help, not bash. -.- Anyway, you seem to have kind of missed my point on several things so let me just give some response:

Sorry, I wasn't trying to fight your points, just clarify where I saw needed. I know the prologue isn't great but I wrote it using information from an RP plot which is why it turned out like one. When I re-read it I liked the RPishness to it so I left it like that. ^^; And I know you weren't bashing. The chapters are written in a chapterish style and I hope they are better than the prologue.


Chapter 1: Mission Talk

Stealth looked carefully around the dirty lot as she approached the old building. She was tall, but not too tall for a girl of seventeen. Her dirty-blonde hair was tied back in a loose ponytail and a black headband with a dragon on the front was tied around her head. She wore a black tank-top with the dragon on the back covered by a brown jacket. Her dusty jeans were faded and her dark shoes looked well used. On her wrists were loose golden bands that fell slightly past her wrists.

She moved quietly, making sure that her footsteps could not be heard. The chances of someone discovering that this rundown, seemingly deserted building was actually one of the few bases controlled by the Resistance was very unlikely. However, she was always cautious. If she was followed and the location of the base was discovered it would be a very nasty situation indeed.

She heard a rustle to her left and whipped around, her sharp dark blue eyes flashing dangerously. She waited, holding her breath. The sound came again. Stealth now knew exactly where it had come from. A pile of crates were stacked haphazardly a few feet away from the building. She had definitely heard the sound over there. She bent down, apparently tying a loose shoe lace. When she stood up she was holding a lethal looking dagger. The bright steel shone in the dim light still radiating from the sky. She held it ready, hoping she had not been tricked by the fading light and led a member of the Government to the base. She wouldn't want anyone to discover their location but if someone did she would much prefer it to be a member of one of the gangs. They, at least, would not be trying to bring their organization down. More likely they'd be after a Pokemon or some valuable item.

Something moved behind on of the crates. Stealth's muscles tensed. She gripped the dagger tighter in her hand and moved forward. Suddenly a figure leapt from behind the crates and charged her. Stealth began to laugh as the creature jumped into the air and collided with her, knocking her off her feet.

"Aronato, you know better than to scare me like that. I was about to jump behind those crates and cut you to bits!" The large Houndoom laughed and began jumping around gleefully.

'Was worth the risk, Atra. You should have seen your face!'

Stealth pushed herself to her feet and placed the dagger back in its sheath then said, "I'm sure it was very amusing. Sadly, I'm afraid that's the last time I leave you on your own. You promised you'd be good while I was gone." The young trainer gave her Pokemon a stern look but couldn't entirely conceal her smile.

'I was very good. Ask anyone. But I was getting bored so I went for a walk outside. That's when you came along.' Aronato gave another laugh and had to brace his legs to stop himself from falling over. 'The look on your face, priceless! I will be sure to tell the others about it so they can see for themselves.'

"I'll twist your horns off," Stealth replied coolly. "But enough of this, let's go inside. It's getting dark."

'Sure thing, then after I've finished laughing you can tell me how the mission went.' Stealth simply shook her head and walked the rest of the way to the rundown building. She entered through a door that appeared to be boarded up and rusted. Once she had made sure the door was securely closed behind her, she moved on. The room she was in looked just as rundown and rusted as the outside. She wasn't bothered by this however. She pushed open a second boarded up door and descended a flight of stairs. When she pushed open the third door she was stopped by a guard dressed in black.

"Hey, Stealth. Things went all right I hope."

"Ay, they did," Stealth replied cheerfully. She lifted her right arm so that the gold band on her wrist would fall down her arm and held her hand under a bright white light. On her wrist, just above her hand, was a tattoo. The guard nodded, satisfied, and Stealth removed her hand out from under the light. The tattoo vanished.

"I take it Aronato was outside waiting for you, was he?"

"He was indeed, Check." She shook her head at her Houndoom's gloating smile and moved on.

She followed several hallways, stopping occasionally to exchange a few words with someone, until she reached the one she had been heading towards. There were many doors spaced a few feet apart. Beside each door was a small box mounted on the wall. Stealth walked to the seventh door on the right side and turned to face the box. She punched in a nine digit number and the door slid open.

The room was lightly decorated with a few posters, some furniture, and a few random items. The door slid shut again as Stealth and Aronato entered. She sighed as she dropped the small backpack she had been carrying and sank onto the bed. "I'm beat," she said sleepily.

'Aw, come on! At least tell me a little of what happened on your mission before you go to bed.'

"All right, keep your fur on. Here," she took three black balls from her belt and hit the dark grey button in the center of each, causing them to expand to a larger size. She opened each one, watching as each of her Pokemon appeared in a burst of black light. "There, now everyone can hear. And Alalia can help me tell it." Aronato nodded and lay down, waiting. Alalia, a Nidorina, Zephyr, a Fearow, and Rayten, a Manectric followed suit. Stealth shifted into a more comfortable position and began to tell them about her mission.

"It wasn't all that exciting, really. I was sent to do some spying on a group of soldiers stationed a few miles from here. They mostly just talked about personal stuff but some discussed tactics and the locations of other camps. I knew I wasn't going to get much from just listening to them babble. I had to get closer to the commanding officer which proved to be harder than I thought."

'No kidding? I had to sneak through about fifty million people to get to the center tent!'

"I thought it looked more like twenty, maybe fifteen, but hey, I'm not the one who snuck through the camp, so what do I know?"

'Absolutely nothing,' Alalia replied cheerfully.

Stealth gave her a half annoyed, half amused stare, then continued with her story. "Anyway, after Alalia battled her way through the fifty million troops I snuck around to the part of the camp that had the fewest guards and slipped in. I only had to dodge about five people or so to get to the tent. Alalia was waiting for me, brave soul. I took my dagger and cut a very small whole in the side, just enough to be able to listen through. I tell ya, I had no idea those army guys could talk so much. He rambled on and on about how unstable the ground was around these parts. Not unstable as in you couldn't walk on it. Unstable as in it was too soft when it rained." She rolled her eyes then said, "Eventually he got around to what they were planning to do. They had no idea they were so close to a Resistance base and all they were really planning to do was raid a nearby town to look for Pokemon and Trainers. Sad really. Most Trainers belong to some kind of group and those that don't are in hiding. They're not stupid enough to reveal themselves to people. And the Pokemon left the towns a long time ago."

'Aw well, a guy who worries about mud isn't the brightest apple in the barrel. Then again he was hired by the Government so what do you expect?'

"Nothing better, Rayten. Still, you'd think after five years of fighting they would have learned something. But perhaps some people just never learn. Moving on, they talked and talked and talked with nothing interesting being said. Finally they decided that some sleep would do them good so the officer and whoever he was talking to said goodnight and I heard him hang something up. I guess he had been talking on the phone the whole time. Now with as much as he talked it's strange that people think girls talk too much." She shrugged and shook her head then continued, "we waited a while then snuck back out of the camp."

'If it was that easy why did it take so long? Six days to listen to a guy talk about mud?'

"Well that wasn't all we did. After I reported to Boss everything I had heard I moved on to the next part of my mission. He'd got word that there was a special stone somewhere in the mountains. After doing a lot of research he managed to pinpoint its location. With Zephyr flying it didn't take very long to get there. The hardest part was getting down on my hands and knees and looking for a rock. Boss said it would be easy to recognize but he didn't say it'd be so hard to find. I search for hours and didn't find a thing. Eventually it got too dark to see anything so I gave up for the night. I stayed two more days and actually managed to find three stones," here she paused and reached into a pocket for something. All four of them stared as she produced three medium sized transparent stones. They wouldn't have been anything special if they hadn't had a faint silver glow inside that seemed to be swirling around a gold dot in the center.

'Wow, they're beautiful,' said Aronato in awe. The other Pokemon seemed to agree as they stared transfixed at the stones.

"You should see them when they catch the light of the sun or moon. And in darkness they seem to glow even brighter. That's how I found the first one. After that the other two weren't so hard."

'What does Boss want with them?' asked Zephyr in a far away voice.

Stealth shrugged. "I dunno. I'm debating on whether to give them to him or not. They're like nothing I've seen or even heard of. And when I hold them I get this weird feeling. I can't explain it but I don't think I should give them to him. Not all of them anyway. I'll give him two and keep this one," she held up an oval shaped stone with a small knick on the side. "It's my favorite. No idea why."

'Good idea. I'll bet he sends you out to look for more soon, though. Something like that, there's no telling what it could be used for. And I bet it's worth a fortune.'

"True, Ray, but I doubt he'd sell 'em. He wouldn't send me out to find them if he was just going to use them for money. A job like that is usually given to a lower ranking member. And the way he talked when he was telling me about the mission. I got the feeling he didn't want me to tell anyone else about it and that he was only assigning it to me because he trusted me. Whatever these are, they're not something that's likely to be sold." She stared at the stones for a few moments longer then put them back into her pocket. "Boss is gonna be mad when he finds out I got back and didn't report to him."

'Just tell him you were so tired you forgot,' suggested Alalia sleepily.

"It wouldn't be far from the truth. I'm not too worried though. I'm just gonna tell him I was exhausted and I needed sleep. I'll report to him first thing in the morning." She stretched and flopped back onto her bed. "For right now I'm just going to get some sleep. Goodness knows I need it." She kicked off her shoes and muttered something to Zephyr about the light. He lifted his large bird-like head and hit the light switch. Stealth gave a glance at her pocket and saw a faint glow coming from it. She yawned and rolled over, falling asleep shortly afterwards. If she had been more awake, she might have noticed that the stones were giving off a soft pulse.

 

[DarkFenris]

i have read the first 6 chapters and i think its really good. i hope it keeps coming alana!

 

[Alana]

Thanks but I wasn't planning to add any more chapters on PC. ^^;