Conquering the Battle Frontier!

[~Kavin~]

Hello everyone it's ~Kavin~ trying my first stab and a fanfic. Please any criticism is welcomed. Bettering the story in any way is always a plus. I based some of the characters off of friends I have made here to make things a bit interesting. I want to see their reactions to the characters they gave me. Again, enjoy my fanfic! :D

Rating: PG
Genre: Action/Adventure and some suspense

Prologue
Those who strive for excellence will come across
It when they least expect it with hard work
and determination...
​

BAM! BAM! BAM! "Kavin it's time to get up! Weren't you supposed to be heading out to the Fight Area today?" BAM! BAM! BAM! Constant knocks came from the door as Kavin lay in his bed unconscious. Suddenly, a bright green blur, what appeared to be a Pokémon, jumped on top of Kavin to stop the onslaught of repetitive knocks on the door.

"Whaa… Oh hey Ace! What's going on?" Ace began to purr and rub up against Kavin making sure he doesn't fall back into a deep slumber.

"Kavin this is the last time I will remind you! Today is the day you set out for the Battle Frontier!"

Kavin leapt to his feet. "Oh crap! I totally forgot! Thanks mom I'm getting up right now! Ace how can you be an espeon and not let me know how important today was?" Ace began to groom his beautiful coat as if to ignore his master's last comment.

"You better be glad you're so cute!" Kavin began to laugh to himself as he haphazardly dashed towards the bathroom while Ace began to gather Kavin's important information and technology for his highly anticipated adventure. "Yes! Today is the day where I own the battle frontier! I wonder if I will meet some interesting people along the way. Ace can you slide my poketch under the door. Ace cautiously grabbed Kavin's poketch and carefully slid it under the door.

"Thanks buddy. I don't know what I would do without you!" Ace happily purred and rubbed up alongside the door as if to show his master affection. 15 minutes later, Kavin was finally out of the door.

"I'll see you later mom! Next time you see me, I will be the master of the Battle Frontier!" Kavin pulled a poke ball that he had obtained from Hoen from his belt and threw it far above the ground.

"Let's go Flygon!" From the poke ball appeared a huge, long eared dragon that appeared to have goggles for eyes. "Ace you know the drill!"
Ace jumped onto Kavin's backpack as Kavin boarded Flygon. "Hang on tight Ace!" Ace nodded as Flygon sprung into action! The graceful dragon began to levitate as she took for take off. "Wow Hearthome City looks so small and insignificant from up here. What do you think Ace?" Kavin grabbed Ace and held him over the vast skies. Ace let out a low reverberating growl to let his owner know that he was not fond of his present situation.

"Ha ha just joking Ace! Come here little guy!" Kavin began to caress the top of Ace's head and let his hand slide down to embrace his entire body."Now let's go to the Battle Frontier!"

Elsewhere in Snowpoint City…………..

The snow was constantly descending in the frozen tundra that was known for the smart, yet attractive gym leader, Candice. Off in the distance, sounds could be heard echoing through the snow near the departure point of Snowpoint City to the Fight Area.

"Kaori! Hurry up before the ship leaves without us on it. Then what would mom say?" Deep within the whirlwind of snow, a beautiful girl with long, crimson, hair could be seen frolicking in the flurry.

"Hiiro calm down. While we are in Snowpoint City I think we should bask in the ambience of the blizzard of beauty that is this city." Coming from the blonde, tall, and slender guy with emerald eyes standing in front of the boat, a vein could be seen pulsating in the middle of his forehead. When Kaori laid her eyes on the abnormality on her brother's brow, she immediately headed towards the boat.

"Gosh you should really learn to relax brother. You only live once!"

Hiiro sighed. "I think I would be able to relax more if I didn't have to keep a constant watch over my little sister." Hiiro took his hand and began to stroke it against Kaori's head as he knew this irritated her.

"Stop it Hiiro!" Kaori quickly slapped his hand away. "Why are we going to the Fight Area anyway? We excel in contests not battles." A faint smile suddenly fell upon Hiiro.

"We have countless ribbons from contests and we have collected our fair amount of badges in Sinnoh. Why not look towards the next challenge? Plus since we are so used to an audience, the Battle Hall seems like a spot that's right up our alley." Convinced by her brother's argument, Kaori decides to oblige his proposal.

"Alright then brother, let's show the Battle Frontier some elegance and finesse!" The Steam boat let out a huge roar as it set it's course for the small island that surrounded the Fight Area.

 

[kissing. raindrops]

Good start Kavin :3 I like the story so far. Good luck with the rest!

 

[Jas_66]

This is so cool!
Nice u have a Flygon!
lolz
GL with the rest of the FANFIC.
XD

 

[~Kavin~]

Thanks everyone! I'm going to try my best to give you much more in the first chapter and remember any criticism is greatly appreciated! :D

 

[~Kavin~]

Chapter 1: Battle Frontier: Aim to win glory with Pokémon​

Three days later…

Flygon let out a faint cry signaling her trainer that they had almost arrived to their destination. As Kavin was slowly coming back to the world of the living, he rubbed his eyes and set his sights on the magnificent horizon. The scenery was breathtaking. The mist from the cumulus clouds hovered beyond the small island making it appear majestic.

"Ace! Wake up buddy look at this!" Ace slowly came to and let out a small yawn then acknowledged the sight by sitting in his best friends lap, letting out a silent cry as if it was saying the view was beautiful. "So that's where it is….The Fight Area….Home of the Battle Frontier!" Kavin couldn't help but pay attention to the huge mountain behind the Fight Area. "That must be the famed Stark Mountain that houses the legendary Pokémon Heatran. Too bad I'm not a big fan of legendary Pokémon. My main focus is for Ace and I to own the Battle Frontier!"

Excited by Kavin's declaration, Ace used his psychic attack to make Kavin levitate and fly alongside Flygon. "Way to get your spirits up Ace! Just don't drop me kay buddy!?" As Kavin laid eyes on Ace, the blue aura from Ace's psychic attack blending in with his shiny, lime green coat made him appear gorgeous as well as omniscient. "Seeing Ace in this light just reassures me that we won't lose!"

Ace finally pulled his carefree owner back onto the safety of his Flygon. "Okay we are finally here you guys! Now to put my gear on so I can look cool!" Kavin went to his backpack to pull out his hat and his mp3 player. Now that he had brought out his new persona, he was ready for the task at hand. "Flygon use roost!"

Flygon safely landed then was immediately imbued with a healing aura to restore her health after the long, strenuous trip. "Good job girl! I'm so proud of you. We wouldn't have made it here if it wasn't for you." Kavin stroked Flygon's head as he reached for her poke ball near his belt strap. The sound of the poke ball opening put Flygon at ease as she knows she has deserved a long rest.

As Kavin put the poke ball containing Flygon away, he finally had time to focus on his new surroundings. Because of the volcano, the land around her is craggy. The rough terrain and all the ups and downs in the earth make it hard to keep an upright stance. The trainers walking around gave off an air saying they have earned a colossal amount of accomplishments. The shrubbery in the Fight Area was nothing like the trees and bushes back in Sinnoh. To outsiders visiting, the new atmosphere appeared exotic right down to the berries that are being sprouted. You could tell that those fruit bearing shrubs weren't common to the mainland's usual greenery. Even the houses weren't familiar. It appeared they were made of pure stone slab but cut in a fine quality. The dock area was covered with enormous storage boxes and was swamped with sailors and fishermen. It appeared that the Fight Area is truly used to attract only the hardiest of trainers. Only the best of the best would be considered eccentric for gathering at a place like this. Finally, sitting in between the poke center and the poke mart, Kavin set his sights on the entrance of the Battle Frontier. There was a massive hall leading into the Battle Frontier. Beside it were titanic fountains of water spouting up into the air. Kavin slowly approached the gigantic entrance but not before he was stopped by an exclusive trainer.

"Hey you there with the shiny espeon, welcome to the battle zone!"

Kavin looked up into the sunlight and he set line of vision on a dazzling girl with short, light blue hair paired with turquoise eyes with matching blue shirt, shorts, and shoes sitting on top of the poke mart. Kavin smiled and walked over.

"I assume you are talking to me and my buddy. We do have names." The striking girl quickly cut him off.

"Be prepared! If you give me your name I'll take it as you inviting me to a bat…" Kavin quickly cut her off.

"Kavin's the name but you can call me KT. My partner's name is Ace! We didn't come here to be timid so can I get your name?" The eccentric girl leaped off of the poke mart right in front of Kavin.

"Why do you want my name?"

Kavin smirked. "After giving your name, you should always get your opponents name as a sign of respect after beating them!" The unique trainer covered in blue attire, quickly reached for her belt.

"Well then I'll give you my name after you beat me…….assuming you can beat me!" Onlookers began to gather around the inevitable battle. Ace began to purr uncontrollably. Kavin began to chuckle. The azure trainer began to get agitated.

"What's so funny?" Kavin could tell that he was getting under her skin. A tactic Kavin was known for back in Sinnoh. It was his method of intimidation.

"Usually my partner here is very quiet natured and is quick to flee behind me when he encounters people he doesn't know. Today however, he's in the mood to battle alongside me so I was just thinking about how sweet my first victory will be in the Fight Area!"



The light blue bomber grabbed two poke balls from her belt. One appeared to be a net ball and the other came across as a luxury ball. Out of the net ball came a Pokémon of massive proportion! It was a Swampert! Out of the luxury ball was a blaze of fiery fury! An Arcanine let out a vast roar then stood firm in front of his beloved trainer. "This will be a double battle! Are you up to it because it appears as if your partner wants to forfeit!"

Kavin looked behind him and saw that Ace was cowering in fear due to Arcanine's ability to intimidate. Kavin glared at the huge canine but it did not falter. "It's okay Ace you aren't alone. I'm here and then there's…." Kavin reached for his belt and grabbed a normal poke ball and threw it in Ace's line of vision. An enormous cat appeared purring loudly. "Welcome to the battle tower Purgery the Purugly!" Ace immediately went to stand at his companion's side. Pergery gave a faint smile at Ace letting him know that there was nothing to fear. "Now Ms. Blue, LET'S GET THIS BATTLE STARTED!"

Back on the ship headed towards the Fight Area……

"Brother! Are we there yet? I want to check out this famous Battle Hall you were telling me about!"

Hiiro let out a huge sigh. He began thinking to himself. "I hope she is really going to take this trip seriously. She's very talented when it comes to contests, but as far as battling she doesn't really care for it. I just want to try my hand at something new so I'm going into it with pure focus at heart. I really think I may just let her go wherever she wants in the Battle frontier. I know I'm being irresponsible as a big brother, but with the protection of her own Pokémon, I think she will be okay. Forgive me sister for this one time I have to be selfish." In the background of his thinking process, Hiiro began to hear a faint sound increase in volume as he came to his consciousness.

"Brother! Did you hear me at all?"

Hiiro shook off the thoughts and began to pay attention to his sister.

"Yes my dear sister I heard you. Once we are at the Fight Area, I'm going to let you go wherever you want to go. Please don't tell mother about this. She would kill me. I'm my faith you not to do anything foolish so don't let me down."

Kaori's eyes began to sparkle. "Thanks for the opportunity to soar in the Battle Frontier brother. I won't let you down!" Unexpectedly, the boat carrying passengers to the Fight Area came to an abrupt halt. The captain of the ship stood at the head of the ship notifying the passengers that they had arrived at their destination at last. As Hiiro stepped off of the boat, his awe from seeing the new landscape was cut short seeing everyone clutter up at the entrance of the Battle Frontier.

"Brother what's going on over there?"

Hiiro climbed on top of a storage box to see what all the commotion was about. "It appears that someone is having a Pokémon battle right at the front entrance of the Battle Frontier! Let's get closer to see!" Hiiro leapt off of the storage box and darted towards the cluttered area of trainers and onlookers.

"Brother! Don't forget your luggage!" Kaori sighed and grabbed hold of an ultra ball. "Sometimes I forget who's the oldest. Blaziken I choose you!" Out of the yellow and black ball came a tall combatant bird that let out a bloodcurdling roar! "Blaze!" Kaori began hugging her gigantic friend. "Hey Blaziken! Could you grab brother's luggage for me?" Blaziken nodded then hoisted the bags on his shoulders. "Okay now let's head over to the battle!" They both hurried to the exciting scene.
An ace trainer volunteered to referee the battle.

"This will be a 2 on 2 Pokémon double battle. There will be no substitutions. Do both trainers agree to the terms and conditions of the rules set forth?"

They both gave a quick nod. The tension was quickly building up. Onlookers were talking amidst themselves. Some were admiring Kavin's altered colored Espeon, while others were complimenting the legend that is Arcanine.

"If both trainers are ready then, begin!"

Kavin looked at the fierce determination of the cobalt maiden. "I see you are raring to go so ladies first!" She took no time in giving commands to her Pokémon.

"Arcanine use Flare blitz on that frightened espeon and Swampert you use waterfall on that Purugly!" Arcanine, with uncanny speed, engulfed itself in a massive fireball and headed straight for Ace. The flames being emitted by Arcanine made the bystanders run to a save distance.

Kavin stood there undeterred. "Pergery use fake out on that big fireball!" Pergery, with blinding speed, struck Arcanine and stopped him in his tracks. Kavin looked at Ace. "That's your cue buddy. Use grass knot on that slow Swampert!" Ace, also being light on his feet, dashed past the slow moving Swampert tripping it with an array of knots of grass. Immediately after the assault, the Swampert dropped face first into the craggy surface. The referee took notice.

"Swampert is unable to battle!"

The blue haired trainer stood there in shock. She began muttering to herself. "What just happened? Swampert was taken out in one blow? I underestimated that espeon. Not just in power, but in speed as well. He truly is a great trainer. But I won't be swept like some rookie!"

Kavin saw that she was surprised with Ace's display of power. "I hope the Battle frontier won't be this easy or I might have wasted a trip here!" Kavin realized that his boasting was making his opponent's blood boil.

Watching from the sidelines, Hiiro had his eyes glued on the battle. He was paying close attention to the trainer with the unusual colored Espeon. "Kaori, this is what the Battle frontier is all about! Can you see the fierce determination on both trainers' faces? Both of them have come to the conclusion that losing is not an option!" Hiiro took his eyes off the battle to see the expression and get her opinion of the battle, but it was as if she was caught in a trace. Not even budging from her spot, she was focused on the match. Hiiro smiled. "It seems like something finally got you energized about battling in the Battle Frontier! I guess I should pay close attention as well!" Hiiro set his sights back onto the explosive battle.

"Swampert return." She called her fainted Pokémon back into his resting chamber. "You did a great job. You've earned a nice long rest."

The ace trainer acting as referee gave an update on the battle. "The battle sits at 2 vs. 1 by way of the male trainer."

The determined female trainer rubbed her poke ball containing Swampert and put it back on her belt strap.

Kavin smiled. "That good knowing that you care for your Pokémon the way you do. I truly respect you, but don't think for a second that I'm going to take it easy on you! Pergery use Hypnosis on Arcanine! Ace! Follow up with a psychic attack!" Pergery began to stare deep into Arcanine's eyes trying to lull him into a trance.

"Not so fast! Arcanine use extreme speed!" At a speed faster than the naked eye could see, Arcanine attacked Pergery and sent her flying into a huge crater near a stone slab house.

Kavin shouted. "Don't forget about Ace!" Ace began to lift Arcanine with monstrous strength of telepathy. "Now send him flying!" With a nod to his trainer, Ace slung Arcanine into the side of the poke mart! Simultaneously, both trainers called out to their Pokémon. "Pergery!" "Arcanine!" Kavin went to aid his fallen companion. When he got to her she couldn't budge an inch.

"Pergery you did a good job taking up for Ace like that. I couldn't have gotten this far without you." Kavin grabbed her poke ball and returned her to her home to restore her health. On the other side of the battlefield, the mysterious trainer went to go check on her Pokémon.

"Arcanine are you okay?" At first, he was shaky to get to his feet but he finally caught his footing and let out a huge roar signaling his trainer that he was ready to continue! Kavin walked back to the battleground ready to continue the battle.

The referee walked to the center of the battle. "Both trainers are down to one Pokémon each. Let the battle continue!" The crowd began thriving on the talent that these trainers were displaying. Kavin began to think of his next strategy.

"Okay that Arcanine is a problem. Ace is faster in terms of speed but with that extreme speed attack I have to gamble everything on this next attack." The female trainer shouted to Kavin.

"If you won't come at me then I'll just have to come to you! Arcanine use Flare blitz on his Espeon!" Arcanine focused his fumes of fire to envelop his entire body as he prepared himself for the deadly attack. Kavin saw that Ace was shuddering a bit.

"Stand tall Ace! Remember your fallen comrade and what she did to protect you. Let's not let her sacrifice be in vain. Hang tough; take his attack head on with a signal beam!" People in the audience were confused at his choice of attack. Kaori turned to Hiiro.

"Why would he use a bug type move on a fire type Pokémon? It just doesn't make sense."

Hiiro, not taking his eyes off the battle answered his curious little sister. "To the typical trainer, that move would be foolish, but if he is doing what I think he is doing then just maybe……." Ace held his ground until the very last minute; before getting hit with the colossal attack, he shot out a tri colored beam with the colors of red, purple, and pink being mixed together into one beautiful color hitting Arcanine square on his head, though it did little to faze him. Arcanine then plowed into Ace with his special attack. Ace went tumbling into the crowd of people while Arcanine fell backwards at the recoil damage from the attack. Kavin dove into the sea of people going to check on his best friend.

"Ace are you okay buddy?" Slowly but surely Ace stood to his feet but it appeared that last attack did more damage than Kavin initially thought it would do. "That last attack left you with a burn. I didn't anticipate the possibility of a burn…."

The referee steps in. "Is your espeon able to continue?"

Kavin looked at Ace. "Hey buddy I won't push you if you don't think you can…." Ace abruptly walked towards the battleground. Kavin put on a smile that came all the way up to his ears. "Let's win this ace! Referee we are ready to continue!"

The referee nodded. All of a sudden Kavin heard the words he was afraid of.

"Arcanine use extreme speed!" Kavin shouted to Ace.

"Brace yourself buddy this is all we can do for right now just endure it!" Astonishingly, the attack never came. Kavin began chuckling. The blue beauty stood there confused.

"What's going on? Arcanine why won't you attack? Are you hurt?" Kavin answered her question with haste.

"Just like you are now, your Pokémon was confused by Ace's signal beam. We were hoping that this would happen. If I had to bet it on anything it would have been that last attack. I'm assuming it took a lot out of Arcanine and with the recoil damage as a bonus, the confusion took place. Now Ace! USE PSYCHIC!" Ace began to glow in a light blue aura and his eyes turned light blue as well as he began levitating Arcanine from the earth. Higher and higher Arcanine went, until Ace didn't have the strength to keep his telepathy up. At an astounding speed, Arcanine came plummeting down towards the earth like a meteor about to make a huge crater in the earth. A huge thud echoed all around the Fight Area. When the dust cleared, Arcanine laid unconscious in a huge dent in the ground made by Ace's last powerful attack.

The referee ran towards the fallen Pokémon. "Arcanine is unable to battle. The winner of this match is Kavin from Hearthome City!" The crowd let a thunderous cry to congratulate both trainers for their hard work. The female trainer went to check on her Arcanine.

"Good job boy. I'm so proud of you for hanging in there till the end. I couldn't ask for a better partner." She pulled out her favorite luxury ball and placed it over Arcanine to help him relax a bit before taking him to the poke center. She then stood up, walked towards Kavin and congratulated him. "Congrats! You won fair and square. As for my name you can call me Ocean. I think I might have said this already but if not, welcome to the Battle Zone! See you inside the Battle Frontier!" With that, Ocean headed towards the poke center to heal her Pokémon. As newfound fans crowded around Kavin, he only had one thought in mind.

"I finally made it!" He then grabbed his favorite poke ball of them all, a nest ball, and calmly touched Ace with it, teleporting him into his poke ball. "Good job buddy! After we are through with the Battle Frontier, everyone will know of our exploits!" Kavin then headed off after Ocean towards the poke center.

"Brother! That was so exciting! Let's hurry up and go into the Battle Frontier." Vaguely hearing his sister, Hiiro calmly walked towards the hall of the Battle Frontier and only muttered two words.

"It's time."

 

[kissing. raindrops]

Great job! I am impressed with your descriptive words and intensity into the battle.
A few things...

As Kavin was slowly coming back to the world of the living, he rubbed his eyes and set his sights on the magnificent horizon. The scenery was breathtaking. The mist from the cumulus clouds hovered beyond the small island making it appear majestic.​

Great descriptions. Helped me imagine the view. ​

"Ace! Wake up buddy(comma) look at this!" Ace slowly came to and let out a small yawn then acknowledged the sight by sitting in his best friends lap, letting out a silent cry as if it was saying the view was beautiful.

You have some places where commas are really needed, not just that part but others. This is just an example.

This is a run on sentence. To help readers distinguish what is happening, sentences should be shorter and punctuation should be used whenever necessary for the changes.​

Excited by Kavin's declaration, Ace used his psychic attack to make Kavin levitate and fly alongside Flygon. "Way to get your spirits up Ace! Just don't drop me kay buddy!?" As Kavin laid eyes on Ace, the blue aura from Ace's psychic attack blending in with his shiny, lime green coat made him appear gorgeous as well as omniscient. "Seeing Ace in this light just reassures me that we won't lose!" ​

Great idea! I liked this part. :3

Awesome description, again, makes it fun for the reader to read.​

As Kavin put the poke ball containing Flygon away, he finally had time to focus on his new surroundings. Because of the volcano, the land around her is craggy. The rough terrain and all the ups and downs in the earth make it hard to keep an upright stance. The trainers walking around gave off an air saying they have earned a colossal amount of accomplishments. The shrubbery in the Fight Area was nothing like the trees and bushes back in Sinnoh. To outsiders visiting, the new atmosphere appeared exotic right down to the berries that are being sprouted. You could tell that those fruit bearing shrubs weren't common to the mainland's usual greenery. Even the houses weren't familiar. It appeared they were made of pure stone slab but cut in a fine quality. The dock area was covered with enormous storage boxes and was swamped with sailors and fishermen. It appeared that the Fight Area is truly used to attract only the hardiest of trainers. Only the best of the best would be considered eccentric for gathering at a place like this. Finally, sitting in between the poke center and the poke mart, Kavin set his sights on the entrance of the Battle Frontier. There was a massive hall leading into the Battle Frontier. Beside it were titanic fountains of water spouting up into the air. Kavin slowly approached the gigantic entrance but not before he was stopped by an exclusive trainer. ​

Watch the tense you use in the story. You went from past tense (was) to present (is). This is only one example where it has happened in the story.

Great descriptions, again, just watch how long your paragraphs get. They may be a bit long, so you could just indent to make it shorter. :]​

Kavin looked up into the sunlight and he set line of vision on a dazzling girl with short, light blue hair paired with turquoise eyes with matching blue shirt, shorts, and shoes sitting on top of the poke mart.​

I like the descriptions you used for Ocean!​

The light blue bomber grabbed two poke balls from her belt. One appeared to be a net ball and the other came across as a luxury ball. Out of the net ball came a Pokémon of massive proportion! It was a Swampert! Out of the luxury ball was a blaze of fiery fury! An Arcanine let out a vast roar then stood firm in front of his beloved trainer.​

I like how you even described what type of balls these guys were in. It adds to the excitment.

"Stand tall Ace! Remember your fallen comrade and what she did to protect you. Let's not let her sacrifice be in vain. Hang tough; take his attack head on with a signal beam!" People in the audience were confused at his choice of attack. Kaori turned to Hiiro.

​

"Just like you are now, your Pokémon was confused by Ace's signal beam. We were hoping that this would happen. If I had to bet it on anything it would have been that last attack. I'm assuming it took a lot out of Arcanine and with the recoil damage as a bonus, the confusion took place. ​

I like the idea that you used Signal Beam to confuse Arcanine, great job.

Now Ace! USE PSYCHIC!" Ace began to glow in a light blue aura and his eyes turned light blue as well as he began levitating Arcanine from the earth. Higher and higher Arcanine went, until Ace didn't have the strength to keep his telepathy up. At an astounding speed, Arcanine came plummeting down towards the earth like a meteor about to make a huge crater in the earth. A huge thud echoed all around the Fight Area. When the dust cleared, Arcanine laid unconscious in a huge dent in the ground made by Ace's last powerful attack.

[/QUOTE]

Great ending to the battle! ​

All your descriptions really helped me imagine the scene. This is the best Pokemon fan fic I have ever read. You use imagery and grammar, some things that some writers lack. Awesome start and good luck!​

 

[~Kavin~]

Thanks Yukio. After I finished the prologue, I had a bit of criticism about being more descriptive in my story. I'm glad to see that just one small problem helped me grow as a writer in that small amount of time. Now I'll have to watch out for run on sentences and punctuations. As far as the battle went, I knew I would really have to get into it if I would want readers to continue to follow my story. Thanks again for those of you who are reading my story again, any criticism is welcomed.

 

[~Kavin~]

Chapter 2: Off into a new world!

​

Inside of the building with a peach top, which was engraved with the poke ball known as the poke center, nurses were scattered everywhere tending to wounded Pokémon. The waiting area for trainers was packed. A nurse wearing a silver barrette, paired with a black and white gown came and bombarded Kavin with a myriad of questions.

"Hello, welcome to the Fight Area's poke center; How many do you have injured? Do you know, to what extent, the injuries are? Out of all of your Pokémon you have injured, would you know which one is hurt the worst? If I'm going too fast for you just let me know and I'll see if I can slow it down a bit." With the abruptness of the nurse's onslaught of concern, Kavin tried to remember the questions in order and to answer them.

"Uhh…..I have two injured. One was knocked out by one attack. My other Pokémon has loss of fatigue, some moderate damage, and has some serious burns. If I had to pick which was worse off right now, I'd have to say it would be my Espeon with the burns." Kavin began scratching his head under his hat, hoping he didn't leave anything out. The compassionate nurse smiled.

"Thank you for your cooperation. Here at the Fight Area, we have been proclaimed as the region's busiest poke center due to the Battle Frontier as well as Route 225 heading towards the survival area. As you can well imagine, we are very busy; so when trainers come in and are able to let us know the information you just gave to me, it helps us continue our current pace and helps out with our efficiency as a poke center. Do you have any questions for me at this time?" As Kavin looked around the poke center, he noticed that Ocean wasn't anywhere to be found. Kavin continued to scratch his head.

"Yes I have one. I see that it's packed in here. Where will I wait for my Pokémon to get better?" The attentive nurse was happy to accomodate his question.

"Since the waiting room is overflowing with trainers at this time, we will give you a ticket with an estimated time for how long it might take us to come up with an analysis for the condition of your Pokémon. When that time comes, a nurse will be able to tell you if you will be able to take your Pokémon back at that time, or if they will have to spend the night for more treatment." Kavin nodded at the idea, then reached for his waist and handed her Pergery's poke ball.

"It's okay girl. Everything will be okay in a little bit. He slowly reached for his beloved nest ball. "Ace, don't worry my friend. I won't go into the Battle Frontier without you. We are a team and we are going to conquer the Battle Frontier together!" Though he was reluctant to, Kavin handed his nest ball over to the nurse. In exchange, she gave him a ticket with a waiting time of two hours. The caring nurse saw the look of anxiety on Kavin's face and began to reassure him.

"Don't worry, although we maybe the busiest poke center, with our experience we can boast about being the best! Your Pokémon will be coming back to you in tip top shape!" Kavin smiled.

"Thank you for that. Now the wait won't be as long for me." Kavin slowly headed back out of the poke center's door. He looked over to his left and saw the damage that the Fight Area had received after the momentous battle. Kavin reached for his waist yet again, and pulled out a familiar Hoen poke ball. "Flygon, I choose you!" Out of the shining poke ball came the beautiful, majestic Pokémon that is Flygon. Kavin showered the jolly Pokémon with affection. "Flygon, what do you say we pay a visit to our secret hideout underground?" Flygon nodded with tremendous enthusiasm. Kavin leapt onto Flygon's back, then commanded her to use dig. In a show of burly strength, with her dragon claws, Flygon began merging with the earth as her and Kavin disappeared beneath the surface. At the top of a nearby tree, a pair of familiar azure eyes was gazing at the scene of Kavin vanishing amongst the rubble of earth.

"He's a pretty interesting guy. Until the next time we meet, KT!"

Inside the hall of the Battle Frontier…..

At first glance, all you can pay attention to, are the two rows of gorgeous women at the information desks. Hiiro was so stunned by the beauty of the women that his began to become flushed.

"Brother, are you okay? It looks like your becoming a bit feverish. Come here and let me feel your forehead." As soon as his sister drew his attention away from the alluring women, he was able to focus at the task at hand.

"No I'm okay Kaori. I just felt faint from the pure excitement of being a few feet away from the Battle Frontier. That's all." A curious look fell upon Kaori's face and her intuition kicked in.

"Riiiiiight! Well Blaziken and I will go to the information desk and acquire the facts we need for the Battle Frontier. You go ahead and check out the Battle Frontier but don't go far because I'll have to give you an update on rules and regulations okay?" Hiiro stood there dumbfounded with a bright red face. Kaori pushed him through so he wouldn't be so preoccupied then she let out a huge groan. "Why do boys have to be so stupid?" Blaziken looked up in the air to avert her gazing eyes as he to, be a male. As Hiiro reached the end of the hall, he was stopped by one of the ladies at the end of the information desk.

"Where are you going handsome?" Hiiro pointed at himself to see if her kind gesture was directed at him. "Yes you silly. Welcome to the Battle Frontier. Before you can advance you will need a bit of equipment that will aid you in the Battle Frontier. First is this!" She pulled out a slim, blue piece of technology that had a screen in the middle of it. "This is the Vs. Recorder. It is an amazing device that can record a battle either between friends that you meet from now on, or at a special battle facility here in the Battle Frontier." She handed Hiiro the piece of priceless equipment. "We hope you enjoy your visit!" The tempting woman then winked at Hiiro as he progressed down the hall.

"Man I could get used to this place." With a huge smile on his face, Hiiro walked to the end of the hall where he was surrounded by huge statues that he would later find out were all around the Battle Frontier. "Woah……they are so beautiful." As he stood there admiring the works of art, a stranger began pointing down at Hiiro. Underneath Hiiro's feet was the insignia of the Battle Frontier showing all five of the battling areas. He immediately jumped to the side as a show of respect to the symbol of the Battle Frontier. After gazing at the symbol for a short period of time, he redirected his attention to the huge door that led to the Battle frontier. "Here I go!"

As he walked through the door, the immense sunlight hit Hiiro's eyes with extreme accuracy. Hiiro began rubbing his eyes to regain his lost sight. When his vision began to accumulate, he was soon hit with another ailment, a loss of breath. Words couldn't describe the scene he had laid eyes upon. As he walked up he was greeted with more elaborate statues. As he moved forward, more beautiful women were standing behind booths they had set up for prizes. Their booths were set up in a square pattern but there were only three booths. At the top right of the square arrangement, was a mini display of the Battle Frontier. It seemed to draw in Hiiro's curiosity.

"Wow this is what the Battle Frontier looks like at a miniature point of view, but as I look around, this figure just doesn't do the Battle Frontier justice. Hiiro paid close attention to the design and layout of the Battle Frontier. The center of the frontier was surrounded by what appeared to be a moat. The shrubbery around the majestic place was well taken care of. If the plants and trees could talk, they would brag about how beautiful they are. Hiiro chuckled to himself. "That's funny, the thought of trees being vain even though they have veins!" Hiiro looked around to see if anyone has heard is horrible attempt at a pun. With a sigh of relief, he continued his tour of the Battle frontier.

First up was a huge tower with glass as far as the eye can see. "This has to be the Battle Tower." Further inspection showed that the platform was also made out of glass. "Wow I can look down under my feet to see water from the moat. That's ingenious!" Once Hiiro began to advance his tour, he saw that a sign was there in front of the entrance to the Battle Tower. Hiiro anxiously read the sign. "Battle Tower; Never Lose! Keep Winning!" Those words inspired Hiiro to make a name for himself here in the Battle Frontier. As he left the Battle Tower, he saw the insignia of the Battle Frontier was engraved in the earth. "The groundskeeper around here is very skillful." Before Hiiro could continue his tour, an important announcement was made on a loudspeaker.

"ATTENTION TRAINERS!!! ATTENTION TRAINERS!!! NOW FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY, BATTLE POINTS CAN BE WON HERE IN THE BATTLE TOWER WITHOUT PARTICIPATING IN A BATTLE FACILITY. SINCE THERE AREN'T ANY CONTESTS HERE, WE HAVE DECIDED TO OFFER 50 BATTLE POINTS TO THE TRAINER WHO CAN DAZZLE THE CROWD THE MOST BY SHOWING OFF THEIR POKEMON! SIGN UP AT THE BOOTHS AT THE CENTER OF THE BATTLE FRONTIER AND BEST OF LUCK TO YOU TRAINERS!" With the new opportunity at hand, Hiiro put his plans for the facilities on hold.

"This contest is just what I've been looking for; a chance to make a name for myself. As an added bonus, it's a contest! I'm going to excel at this Pokémon show!" Hiiro soared down to the middle of the Battle Frontier to sign up for the predestined competition.

Moments later…

"Now where has Hiiro gone? I told him to stay put. I knew the Battle Frontier was huge but this is mindboggling!" Before Kaori could scan the vast wonderland that is the Battle Frontier, her attention focused at the commotion that is occurring at the center of the frontier. "What's going on down there? Are they having a Pokémon contest here in the Battle Frontier? I thought only battles took place here…….Blaziken, let's get a closer look!" Kaori climbed onto the top of the elevated bird. As so as she was secured on top of his shoulders, he ascended into the air then quickly descended into the crowd, peering over the onlookers at the magical scene.

"Vulpix use fire blast up into the air, then expand it and compact it with extrasensory." The petite, fire packed fox blew a strong luminary shaped fire attack into the air and using telepathy, expanded the design of fire blast over the skies of the Battle Frontier. As the crowd awed over the display, the talented Vulpix slowly made the attack decrease in shape until it vanished right before their eyes. The announcer came back onto the loudspeaker.

"LET'S GIVE ANOTHER AROUND OF APPLAUSE TO LEE AND HIS ASTOUNDING VULPIX!" Lee stood before the crowd with his shining brown hair and his exuberant green eyes, letting every trainer out there that he was a force to be reckoned with. He gave his partner a congratulatory pat on the head then immediately called her back to her repeat ball.

"LAST BUT NOT LEAST, EVERYONE PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR HIRRO FROM PASTORIA TOWN!" As Lee retreated from the stage, there was a brief moment where he his eyes met with Hiiro's. The tension between them could be cut with a knife. Hiiro paid close attention to Lee's performance.

"He's an impeccable trainer who prides himself on perfection, thus the repeat ball for his Vulpix. I bet he kept capturing and releasing until he ran into a Vulpix with exceptional values and a great temperament. No matter, I'll show him that nothing's perfect." As Hiiro took the stage, he reached for his belt strap to pull out a premier ball. While Kaori was taking notes from the crowd, she noticed that Hiiro's mood had drastically changed.

"He reached for his premier ball. Hiiro is taking this seriously. I wonder what provoked him this far. Maybe it was that Lee guy. He usually saves that poke ball for last. There is no doubt about it; Hiiro is definitely going to win."

 

[~Kavin~]

Chapter 3: Soaring high

​

Out of the Premier Ball was a delicate arrangement of colors mixed into what appeared to be rose petals. It was apparent that there was a ball capsule attached to the Premier Ball. Emerging out of the beautifully displayed scene was a Beautifly! The crowd was already drawn in by the Pokémon's entrance and it still had yet to perform.

Hiiro commanded his pollen collecting friend to fly above the crowd and use silver wind. Slowly flying, while showing off its magnificent wingspan, the petite butterfly flew over the crowd and conjured up a gust of wind containing small, yet shimmering specs of dust. Next, Hiiro required Beautifly to use sweet scent to mix into the previous demonstration. Beautifly let out a sweet smelling aroma visible to the naked eye. The audience began basking in the ambience while paying close attention to the exhibition. Finally, Hiiro had his Beautifly cast safeguard to contain the silver wind as well as the sweet scent. The scene was breathtaking. Hiiro had created a snow globe at a grand scale over the audience. With a snap of Hiiro's finger, Beautifly sent gusts of wind clean through the masterpiece as if it was performing intricate surgery. The punctured work of art slowly dissolved amongst the spectators. The viewers went insane with praise. His sister could be found in the crowd with a small smirk on her face.

"I don't think anyone can compete with Hiiro when he get's this pumped. Well done brother, well done."

After the regal picture was painted, the loudspeaker deafeningly blasted the results to everyone at the Battle Frontier.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, I THINK WE HAVE A WINNER! LET'S CONGRATULATE HIIRO FROM PASTORIA TOWN WITH HIS ROYAL BEAUTIFLY!"

One of the gorgeous girls from the booths presented Hiiro with his battle points. By laying eyes on the stunning girl, Hiiro's temperament became regular. He put on a huge smile and gladly accepted his winnings. Concealed within the crowd, Lee sent out a piercing glare that only Hiiro caught. Shrugging it off, Hiiro slowly stepped down from the stage where he was ambushed by newborn fan girls.

"Oh my gosh! Your Beautifly is just gorgeous!" "Can I have your autograph?" "Will you take a picture with me?" "Your hair is so beautiful!"

Hiiro turned into putty and was slowly being crafted in the hands of his fans. At the last moment, Kaori came shoveling her way within the stampede of girls.

"Okay girls time to give my brother some space. He just performed so I'm pretty sure you can imagine that he's extremely tired. So if you would be so kind as to…." Kaori's plea fell on deaf ears. "Okay Blaziken. Use sky uppercut!" In a blazing display of intimidation, Blaziken stuck out his chest in front of the girls to appear larger as he used a feint to scare the girls off. In a sigh of relief, Hiiro thanked his sister for saving his life.

"Few! That was close Kaori. Since you saved me from those gorgeous, beautiful, stunning, alluring, tempting…" Kaori coughed to stop his infinite description of the girls. "Err….right umm like I was saying, since you helped me out, I'm going to give you half of my winnings! I just wanted to get my name out there a bit. The battle points were just a bonus for me." Kaori smiled and accepted her brother's kind gesture.

"Thanks brother. Now that you've had time to make a name for yourself, I think it's time for you to accompany me to the Battle Hall!"

Around the time of the contest in the Battle Frontier, two hours had passed and Kavin was on the way back to the Poke Center. Sprouting out from the ground, Kavin reappeared riding his trusty Flygon.

"Thanks girl. Remember; keep this a secret from the others. I think they would get jealous to know that you went to the secret base." Flygon smiled and nodded as she reentered her Poke Ball. "Now to go check on Ace and Pur…" Kavin began scanning the area. "That's funny I felt like I was just being watched. Maybe I'm just paranoid. Well, no time to waste. I have to go get my friends." Kavin cautiously walked into the Poke Center. Upon entering the establishment, Kavin was once again bombarded with a heap of questions by the same caring nurse.

"Welcome to the Fight Area's Poke Center. How many do you…." Kavin began waving his ticket around to jog her memory. "Oh okay you have a ticket. I remember you, the one with the Purugly and the altered colored Espeon. Well I have good news for you! They both are in excellent condition! You can pick them up at the front desk. Here you are." The kind nurse handed Kavin a pick up slip to obtain his life long partners. Kavin dashed to the front desk to get his long awaited companions. The woman at the desk had salmon pink hair, with a white hat that sat on top of her head like a crown with a matching ensemble. It appeared to be the Nurse Joy of this area.

"Hello Nurse Joy I'm here to pick up my Espeon and my Purugly." Kavin quickly handed her the slip as if it was burning his hand.

"My, my! Someone is anxious to get their Pokémon back! That's the enthusiasm we like to see with trainers. Wait just one minute while I go retrieve their poke balls." Nurse Joy scooted backwards in her rolling chair, skillfully spinning around to get the wanted poke balls. She then spun back around, rolled back up to the desk, and carefully handed Kavin back his prized possessions. "There you are sir! Your Pokémon have been fully restored back to health. We hope to see you again!" Kavin ran out the doors of the Poke center so fast, people could compare the speed to that of a Jolteon. Once Kavin was outside, he threw his beloved nest ball up into the air. Once it opened, the green swirl from the nest ball opening added to splendid scene of Ace appearing in mid air. Once out, Ace's shiny lime green coat brightened up the area as he made a 10 point landing on top of Kavin's shoulder.

"Hey there buddy! Let's waste no time! It's time to take care of business." With a nod of recognition from Ace, Kavin headed for the Battle Frontier.

 

[Artemis]

I've got to hand it to you, the description has improved and you have a really good talent for writing. I would say to watch out on some of your wording a bit, because it can get a little confusing on who is saying what at times. Also, at some points of the chapter you could hav eelaborated more, but all in all you did fairly well with them. I definitely like how you've shown character to your roles, and I think Hiiro is just so lusted into the girl it might get him in trouble later on, lol. You've also added a bit of suspence and mystery into your writing. For example, the underground and what Kavin may be hiding, and Ocean. She seemed very mysterious right now, but I'm sure we'll learn more later on. I've got to say to you keep writing and you'll end up getting better. This is just the start and I can only imagine what lies ahead.