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Dancing Feathers

Bird_Trainer_Robyn

Bird Trainer
  • 23
    Posts
    20
    Years
    Hi Everyone, This is a fan fic based some what on my Ruby version. Read it and tell me what you think of it so far.

    Dancing Feathers
    Chapter 1
    Rough Start

    Robyn woke up to the sound of her Pidgey alarm clock and got out of bed. She looked out her window to see the bright morning sun shining on Littleroot Town. She walked over to her closet and pulled out a hot pink top and aqua jeans. Robyn went into her bathroom and looked in the mirror to comb her medium length, light golden blonde hair. She smiled happily at her self in the mirror. Her eyes were a light blue color and full of joy as she turned and walked out of her room, down the stares and into the kitchen.

    Today was the last day of school and the day she would finally get her first Pokemon. For the past few years, Robyn had gone to Professor Birch to help him keep books and papers sorted, desks and floors clean and to lean about Pokemon. Finally she could get her own Pok?mon from him. Unlike other beginning trainers, Robyn was 16. She had decided to stay in school longer than the normal trainers. While all the other kids her age had been training for six years already, she was still in school getting her High School Diploma, studying to become a Pok?mon Researcher. Finally she could become a Pok?mon Trainer start to catch up to he friends.

    Robyn got down stares and garbed some toast and left for school. All the teachers were already, mentally, on vacation leaving the students with nothing to do but talk and show off their Pok?mon. Robyn was eager to leave school and get her own starter Pok?mon. At last it was the end of classes and the end of school. Excitedly she walked over to the lab.

    ?Hey Look! There goes the little birdie girl.? A boy mocked from the other side of the road. Robyn saw them and walked across the street quickly to greet them. The boy was with a group of teens the same age as Robyn. In fact, two of them use to be her best friends years ago. The boy, David had short brown hair and green eyes. He was warring jeans and a dark green shirt. Kelly was the same height as Robyn, she had brown, wavy hair and hazel eyes. She was wearing a purple top and a lime green skirt. David and Kelly had been her best friends until they left on their Pok?mon Trainer journeys. They were with a group of teen that they must have been Pok?mon Trainers they meet while they were traveling across Hoenn.

    ?Hi David, hi Kelly, what are you guys doing here?? she asked them. Happy to see her old friends after five years.

    ?We just decides to take a little brake from training. We also wanted to see if you have grown up and gotten a Pok?mon yet.? Kelly said with a sour tone.

    ?So did you finally get a Pok?mon?? David asked her.

    ?No. I?m on my way to get mine.? She told them happily.

    ?About time you built up some courage and started training.? Kelly laughed with the same sour tone.

    ?I was never afraid to start training Pok?mon.? Robyn told them, ?I wanted to stay in school longer that?s all. I want to become a Pok?mon Researcher that specializes in bird Pok?mon? At this the trainers and her friends started to all laugh.

    ?We know, we know. You always wanted to become a Pok?mon Watcher.? He said in a mimicking voice.

    ?Pok?mon Researcher.? She corrected him.

    ?What ever. You?ll never catch up to us now. You waited too long.? David said, still laughing.

    ?Yeah. She?ll probably start with a little pathetic Torchic.? Kelly said and they all laughed harder.

    ?Torchic are not pathetic.? She told them becoming confuse from her friend?s comments.

    ?Yes they are. We can take them out in one hit with our Swampert.? David said to her. ?Check out how much mine has grown. Go Dilophodata!? he said letting out his first ever Pok?mon. When the light faded Robyn could see the lager blue salamander like Pok?mon, the Swampert growled at her.

    ?Take a look at mine. Go Salmatha!? Kelly said also sending out her starter Pok?mon.

    ?Wow. Last time I saw them they were cute little Mudkip.? Robyn said watching the two Swampert as Salmatha walked over to Dilophadata to stand next to him.

    ?Yeah but there not cute and littler any more.? David reminded her.

    ?Well mine still is.? Kelly corrected him.

    ?Right.? He said noticing Kelly?s comment, ?But any ways, you?ll get nowhere starting with a Torchic. You?ll never catch up to us. But good luck trying. I already have all eight badges.? He told her flashing his badge case.

    ?Well I have all eight badges too, and I won five Pok?mon Contests.? Kelly said also flashing the badges and ribbons, trying to look better than David.

    ?See you?ll never catch up. Come on lets go.? He said, returning his Pok?mon as some of the other Trainers laughed form behind them. ?Come find us when you get stronger. If you ever do.? He said and they all laughed as they walked away.

    Robyn stood there watching her friends walk away. They had been gone for five years and didn?t ever want to stay to talk. Sadly she walked up the street to Professor Birch?s Lab. She came to the door and walked in.

    ?Hi Professor, I?m here to get my Pok?mon finally.? She said happily as she walked to the back of the room to find him. The Professor was doing some paperwork at his desk.

    ?So school is finally over.? He said looking up from what he was writing. ?Alright come over her I have your Pok?mon ready.? He said leading her over to a table. ?Here is your new Torchic.? He said picking up a Luxury Ball and handing it to her.

    ?Wow a Luxury Ball.? She said excitedly.

    ?Yes you have done so much and have been such a big help that I wanted to thank you by giving up a special Pok? Ball. It will be more comfortable for your Pok?mon also.? He told her.

    ?Wow. Thank you Professor.?

    ?Well, take a look at your Torchic.? He told her.

    ?Come on out Torchic.? She said letting her Pok?mon out. The little orange and yellow chick Pok?mon came out and looked at her new trainer and chirped. ?She is so cute. Thank you so much Professor.? She said picking up the Torchic.

    ?Your welcome Robyn. She has a Quiet nature, so she will be great for Beauty contests and will have good Special Attack power.? He told her patting the Torchic on the head gently. ?And I have another gift for you.? He said reaching into his pocket. ?This is for you. It?s a Pok?Nav. It will help you while you travel.? He said handing her an aqua and pink Pok?mon Navigator. ?Now don?t tell anyone I gave it to you. I didn?t even give my son one when he started but you have been such a big help that my assistant and I wanted you to give you one.? He told her.

    ?Thank you, thank you so much.? She said excitedly.

    ?And I have one last thing for you. My assistant went out to pick it up for me the other day. To show how much we appreciated you doing so much cleaning, filing and work for us and to show how much we will miss you, we wanted to give this to you.? He said picking up another Luxury Ball from his desk and let the Pok?mon out. In front of them was a shining Torchic. Its colors were reversed form the normal one and sparkled slightly. ?It?s a shining Torchic. He has a Brave nature, good for Attack.? Professor Birch told her.

    ?Wow. Thank you so much Professor.? She said picking up the shining Torchic in her other arm. ?They are amazing Professor. I don?t know what to say.? She said happily looking at her two new Pok?mon.

    ?No need to thank me. You were the one who helped us so much.? He said placing his hand on her shoulder. ?I wish you the best of luck on your journey. I know you will make a great Pok?mon Trainer and Researcher some day. Here is your Pok?Dex and some Pok? Balls to get you started.? He said handing them to her.

    ?Thank you so much Professor. We better get going.? She said as she placed her Pok?mon on the ground so she could carry the items. ?Good bye Professor.? She said as she walked out the door.

    ?Good luck. Come back and visit.? He called back and turned to his desk to finish his work.

    Robyn walked back to her house to get her stuff with her two new Torchic hopping behind her. She turned to talk to them as they walked.

    ?You two are my first Pok?mon.? She said to them happily. The Torchic both looked up at her and chirped. ?I know we will be great friends. As soon as I get my stuff from my house we can get started on our journey.? She said as they walked down the street. ?Here we are.? She said as they turned a street corner and came to her house. ?Come on in.? she said to them, holding the door open for them, and they walked in.

    She walked up stares into her room and grabbed her stuff. First packing her Backpack with necessary camping things like a sleeping bag, water proof cooler bag, a small tent, clothing, rope and some random objects, and don?t forget food and water. Next she packed her Pok?mon supply bag.

    ?Bag, Potions, Antidotes, Pok?mon food, Pok?Nav, Pok?Dex, Pok?Block Case, Pok? Balls Trainer Card.? She said out loud as she packed her black fanny back with the things she needed. Finally she was ready to go. She wrote her mom a little good-bye note with her Pok?Nav number. ?All right. Lets go.?

    Well what did you think. Go ahead and be honest. If you would like to read more, check in later. Bye bye.
     
    Oh no...yet more Torchics, Mudkips and Treeckos. But very good even so. You need to make it really lively and exciting if you made 'em have the same old starters. Couple of weird spellings, but otherwise great!
     
    Like Kiri said above, my brain went into MARY-SUE ALERT when the Torchic came out. I'm hoping that it isn't going to be this predictable fic that's so happy and cheery it wants to make me retch... but it probably won't be, I hope :P Anyways... to review:

    Nice job on the actual rivalry front, Kelly and David really seemed to have that love-hate relationship going on with each other (not as in love or anything). Whether it was intentional was up to you, but it definitely made it feel less confined to the games/anime central of which all OT fics are based around.

    There were however, a fair number of grammatical and spelling errors. Don't worry as MS Word will be able to take care of it. What you do need to take care of is the use of colour. Unless describing hair and eyes, colour nearly always as a significance to the character's personality. When describing the people's clothes, they seemed to clash with personality. Purple tends to be a more relaxed and introversial atmosphere, whereas green tends to be more of an outgoing colour (not as much as red or orange). Colour can make or break a mood so it's best to use it accordingly.

    Well, as long as this doesn't stay predictable, this should turn out fine. ^_^
     
    Im still working on the fic. It is takeing a long time.
     
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