Dark Energy / Pokemon League Adventure OOC thread
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Hiro, if you want a few pointers just check this out:
"Abra, that's good!" Shelby said to Abra. Abra merely looked at her, and then teleported over to where she was. The wild Exeggcute began to move off into the forest, looking rather sick and dizzy. Shelby snickered and recalled Abra, a big smile on her face. Charmeleon looked pretty amused himself. "Ready to go, buddy?" Shelby asked, looking at Charmeleon who nodded.
It's a small paragraph from one of my other RPs. Here's one of yours:
After arriving in Vermillion City, Hiro wasted little time, for as soon as he found himself getting off the boat, he was getting on the bus to Pallet. While on his way, he thought,"WOW, this place seems a little depressing, well i guess it would be considering whats been happening, well no matter, ill fix things", and as he said that, he tipped his hat over his face and fell asleep.
Now I'm going to edit it...just take note and look at some of the small things that you tend to do wrong.
After arriving in Vermillion City, Hiro wasted little time. For as soon as he found himself getting off the boat, he was getting on the bus to Pallet. While on his way, he thought, 'Wow, this place seems a little depressing, well I guess it would be considering what has been happening. Well it's no matter, I'll fix things.' As he said that, he tipped his hat over his face and fell asleep.
See for when he's thinking what you should probably do is either make the word italics or use something other than quotation marks. Possibly something such as just this: ' A single dash rather than both so it doesn't confuse people when you're thinking or when someone is talking. Another thing...using all caps is fine, but sometimes it might be better to underline it or something (that's not too bad, so don't worry about that so much). And little words like i and ill that you seem to do, try to capitalize the "I" and the Ill, while putting a ' where it needs to be like "I'll" that can make it more friendly for people to read ^^.
Here's another:
A figure steps out," Whats with all the noise, huh, who are you", Hiro looks at Prof. Oak and thinks,"Intersting, this Proffesor Oak", Hiro answers,"Im Hiro, im here for a pokemon". Prof. Oak says,"Ah, but you know your early, im suppose to meet the trainers in a few days". Hiro, not wanting wait ask," Well how about i get my pokemon now and ill come back in a few days, when the trainers arrive", Oak says,"Sure, i dont see why not, here you go, I know you wanted Squirtle", Oak hands Hiro a pokeball containing the pokemon Squirtle. Hiro pushes the button on the center of the pokeball and flash of light appears as the ball opens, Squirtle appears, Hiro crouches down and says," Hello there, im your new trainer", Squirtle replies," squirtle squirt". Hiro returns squirtle to his pokeball an says," Ok, thanks Proffesor, ill be back in a few days", Proffesor Oak says," remember in a few days". Hiro leaves the lab and goes to train with Squirtle while he waits for the other trainers.
Well...first of all, when two people are talking like this, you should really have it so it's set up like...
A figure steps out, "What's with all the noise? Huh, who are you?" Hiro looks at Professor Oak and thinks, interesting, this is Professor Oak.
Hiro answers, "I'm Hiro, and I'm here for a Pokemon."
And as I said for when people are thinking, you might want to make it simpler so people don't think that Hiro is actually talking out loud. It's just little things, but little things do add up ;) I hope you don't get offended by this Hiro, as I'm just trying to help you with your RP. Another suggestion would be to use a program like Microsoft Word or something such as that so you don't have as many grammar and spelling mistakes (mostly the ill and i stuff). Have fun RPing though.
"Abra, that's good!" Shelby said to Abra. Abra merely looked at her, and then teleported over to where she was. The wild Exeggcute began to move off into the forest, looking rather sick and dizzy. Shelby snickered and recalled Abra, a big smile on her face. Charmeleon looked pretty amused himself. "Ready to go, buddy?" Shelby asked, looking at Charmeleon who nodded.
It's a small paragraph from one of my other RPs. Here's one of yours:
After arriving in Vermillion City, Hiro wasted little time, for as soon as he found himself getting off the boat, he was getting on the bus to Pallet. While on his way, he thought,"WOW, this place seems a little depressing, well i guess it would be considering whats been happening, well no matter, ill fix things", and as he said that, he tipped his hat over his face and fell asleep.
Now I'm going to edit it...just take note and look at some of the small things that you tend to do wrong.
After arriving in Vermillion City, Hiro wasted little time. For as soon as he found himself getting off the boat, he was getting on the bus to Pallet. While on his way, he thought, 'Wow, this place seems a little depressing, well I guess it would be considering what has been happening. Well it's no matter, I'll fix things.' As he said that, he tipped his hat over his face and fell asleep.
See for when he's thinking what you should probably do is either make the word italics or use something other than quotation marks. Possibly something such as just this: ' A single dash rather than both so it doesn't confuse people when you're thinking or when someone is talking. Another thing...using all caps is fine, but sometimes it might be better to underline it or something (that's not too bad, so don't worry about that so much). And little words like i and ill that you seem to do, try to capitalize the "I" and the Ill, while putting a ' where it needs to be like "I'll" that can make it more friendly for people to read ^^.
Here's another:
A figure steps out," Whats with all the noise, huh, who are you", Hiro looks at Prof. Oak and thinks,"Intersting, this Proffesor Oak", Hiro answers,"Im Hiro, im here for a pokemon". Prof. Oak says,"Ah, but you know your early, im suppose to meet the trainers in a few days". Hiro, not wanting wait ask," Well how about i get my pokemon now and ill come back in a few days, when the trainers arrive", Oak says,"Sure, i dont see why not, here you go, I know you wanted Squirtle", Oak hands Hiro a pokeball containing the pokemon Squirtle. Hiro pushes the button on the center of the pokeball and flash of light appears as the ball opens, Squirtle appears, Hiro crouches down and says," Hello there, im your new trainer", Squirtle replies," squirtle squirt". Hiro returns squirtle to his pokeball an says," Ok, thanks Proffesor, ill be back in a few days", Proffesor Oak says," remember in a few days". Hiro leaves the lab and goes to train with Squirtle while he waits for the other trainers.
Well...first of all, when two people are talking like this, you should really have it so it's set up like...
A figure steps out, "What's with all the noise? Huh, who are you?" Hiro looks at Professor Oak and thinks, interesting, this is Professor Oak.
Hiro answers, "I'm Hiro, and I'm here for a Pokemon."
And as I said for when people are thinking, you might want to make it simpler so people don't think that Hiro is actually talking out loud. It's just little things, but little things do add up ;) I hope you don't get offended by this Hiro, as I'm just trying to help you with your RP. Another suggestion would be to use a program like Microsoft Word or something such as that so you don't have as many grammar and spelling mistakes (mostly the ill and i stuff). Have fun RPing though.
Your fine, i want help, cause i know i need it. i have a question, when do you know when to space things, i borrowed something from your latest post, hope you dont mind:
"Quilava use smokescreen!" Shelby shouted. She clenched her fist and took almost like a stance, watching the match carefully. Smoke spouted from Quilava's mouth, blinding everyone in the area. Shelby heard Brock shout something to Steelix, but couldn't make it out until she felt the earth begin to tremble. "Quilava go in and use flame wheel quickly!" Shelby called, pointing towards the smoke. Shelby heard a slamming sound, but then when the smokescreen cleared she saw Quilava panting with a small burn mark on Steelix.
"Steelix use stone edge!" Brock called.
"ROOOOAR!" Steelix shouted. Medium and small sized stones flew up around Steelix, before launching themselves directly for Quilava. Shelby clenched her teeth and told Quilava to dodge them as much as he could. Quilava was surefooted and quick footed enough that it managed to dodge most of the stones, only getting pelted by a few of the smaller ones. Quilava stood tough though, and when Shelby told it to use an ember attack it was ready. Flames discharged from Quilava's mouth, pounding into Steelix in a fiery blast. Steelix flinched, and attempted to turn its great body away from the burning fire. Brock told Steelix to snap out of it and use another earthquake attack.
The earth began to quake and almost heave. Shelby realized soon that this was a very powerful earthquake. When she looked at Quilava, she saw that its eyes were closed in pain as the earth trembled. Shelby clenched her teeth and fists at the same time. Brock stood on the opposite end of the gym, arms crossed, watching the battle unfold. Once the ground had stopped shaking, Shelby thought of something for the next earthquake. She told Quilava to quickly use a flame wheel attack. Fire sprouted around Quilava in an almost protective shield. Quilava charged at Steelix, but Steelix was ready.
"Use iron tail, Steelix!" Brock shouted. Steelix's tail soon became shiny and even harder than before. It turned slightly, and sent its tail slamming down towards Quilava. Quilava leapt up, using the flame wheel for power, and met the iron tail dead on. The attacks clashed, sending up a small cloud of dust. Brock ordered another earthquake. When the dust cleared as the earth shook, Quilava was no where in sight on the gym floor. Shelby smirked as a puzzled look came across Brock's face.
this may a stupid question but how when Brock tells steelix to use stone edge, how come its by itself, im just trying to figuren this out?
"Quilava use smokescreen!" Shelby shouted. She clenched her fist and took almost like a stance, watching the match carefully. Smoke spouted from Quilava's mouth, blinding everyone in the area. Shelby heard Brock shout something to Steelix, but couldn't make it out until she felt the earth begin to tremble. "Quilava go in and use flame wheel quickly!" Shelby called, pointing towards the smoke. Shelby heard a slamming sound, but then when the smokescreen cleared she saw Quilava panting with a small burn mark on Steelix.
"Steelix use stone edge!" Brock called.
"ROOOOAR!" Steelix shouted. Medium and small sized stones flew up around Steelix, before launching themselves directly for Quilava. Shelby clenched her teeth and told Quilava to dodge them as much as he could. Quilava was surefooted and quick footed enough that it managed to dodge most of the stones, only getting pelted by a few of the smaller ones. Quilava stood tough though, and when Shelby told it to use an ember attack it was ready. Flames discharged from Quilava's mouth, pounding into Steelix in a fiery blast. Steelix flinched, and attempted to turn its great body away from the burning fire. Brock told Steelix to snap out of it and use another earthquake attack.
The earth began to quake and almost heave. Shelby realized soon that this was a very powerful earthquake. When she looked at Quilava, she saw that its eyes were closed in pain as the earth trembled. Shelby clenched her teeth and fists at the same time. Brock stood on the opposite end of the gym, arms crossed, watching the battle unfold. Once the ground had stopped shaking, Shelby thought of something for the next earthquake. She told Quilava to quickly use a flame wheel attack. Fire sprouted around Quilava in an almost protective shield. Quilava charged at Steelix, but Steelix was ready.
"Use iron tail, Steelix!" Brock shouted. Steelix's tail soon became shiny and even harder than before. It turned slightly, and sent its tail slamming down towards Quilava. Quilava leapt up, using the flame wheel for power, and met the iron tail dead on. The attacks clashed, sending up a small cloud of dust. Brock ordered another earthquake. When the dust cleared as the earth shook, Quilava was no where in sight on the gym floor. Shelby smirked as a puzzled look came across Brock's face.
this may a stupid question but how when Brock tells steelix to use stone edge, how come its by itself, im just trying to figuren this out?
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Sorry, I don't think I understand your question. How come what's by itself exactly?
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Oh alright, so I didn't get your question. But once you edit your post, I'm sure Mike will be more than happy to read it :) It seemed like a good post to me as well.
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Cool, I'm going to swing by and check it :) And thanks for the compliment.
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I thought it was really good Mike. The post was fairly long as well, and it was a good read :)
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Nice new banner Mike ;) I like it a lot.
LegendaryPokeBreeder
Did you get the pecan sandies?
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awwwh I cant make banners :( lol Everyone seems to have them now xD Where do you get those trainer cards from?
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Well I got mine at Pokecharms, but that's down so...just search it on google :)
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I was talking about the trainer cards, not the banners lol. I know that you make the banners :)
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Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh...riiiiight, I'm brilliant. And yeah, that one. Your Seadra reminds me of the one that I trained up to level 100 in my Ruby game...lol
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