DragonBall Z:New timeline.

[Gohan]

Okay this is my first attemt at a non-pokemon fic.so don't be suprised if it stinks okay?this is after GT but the characters are younger than they should be.

Chapter One:
"Vegeta!!What the heck are you doing here?!!and why do you look like you just went GOTH?"Goku said looking up from his magazine as Vegeta walked in.
"I had troubles with allowing Trunks to do my hair."he replied sitting down.
they talked for awhile until Trunks,Goten,Pan,and and Giru came into the room.
"Father!!!you said that you would take us to meet Hymaru.when do we leave?"Goten asked Goku.they all had backpacks on and there was something mischievous in there smiles.
"Oh yeah!!!I totally forgot!!!come on Vegeta grab the DragonBalls and lets go!!"Goku practically yelled jumping up.he grabbed Pan's sleeve and Trunk's hood and dragged them out the door.Vegeta and co. followed taking off as soon as they where outside.
"Hey Goten bet you can't catch me."Trunks said zooming off.Goten followed gaining speed quickly so he was level with Trunks in a matter of seconds.

 

[Gohan]

you guys are really missing a chance to tell me I stink. :D

Chapter Two:
"Hey Goten have you been doing some training?"Trunks asked Goten who was right next to him.
"Yep.Gohan is sparring with me every afternoon from 1 to 7 pm.its really paying off isn't it?"Goten replied as they flew on.
"Hey boys!!we're here!!you almost passed it!!!"Goku yelled to them.he slowly descended torward a deserted looking area.
"WHAT HE MEANS IS:GET YOUR LAZY BUTTS OVER HERE!!!!!!!!!!"Vegets yelled at them while he also descended.
"Vegeta I don't think we needed that."Goku said as the kids turned a U-ie and followed them to the ground.they landed on the ground with a thud.Goten instantly noticed someone.
"GOHAN!!!!WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!!!!!!!"he yelled running over to Gohan and Videl.Gohan patted his little brother's head and walked away Videl following them.
"Well Goten I'm here to meet Hymaru.there is an upcoming world tournoment and we're all entering.well dad thought that we should meet Hymaru and train with him."Gohan said as the rest of the group caught up to them.Goku took the lead and lead them to a cave.
"Well guys this is it."he said laughingly.typical Goku mood.we still followed him deeper into the cave and came at a house with red shingles and white paint.

 

[King Internet]

goku met up with vegeta

"you will taste my fireball"

kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHH
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


MEEEEEEEEEeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

vegeta:"that didnt hurt"

goku: "i waso nly at 1% of my powerlevel"

vegeta:" WHAT NO HOW DARE YOU "

picolo:

SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECIAL

BEAM

cannon

goku: "ouch"

vegeta: "you have won this round picolo"

 

[Princess of Oceans]

you guys are really missing a chance to tell me I stink. :D

Chapter Two:
"Hey Goten have you been doing some training?"Trunks asked Goten who was right next to him.
"Yep.Gohan is sparring with me every afternoon from 1 to 7 pm.its really paying off isn't it?"Goten replied as they flew on.
"Hey boys!!we're here!!you almost passed it!!!"Goku yelled to them.he slowly descended torward a deserted looking area.
"WHAT HE MEANS IS:GET YOUR LAZY BUTTS OVER HERE!!!!!!!!!!"Vegets yelled at them while he also descended.
"Vegeta I don't think we needed that."Goku said as the kids turned a U-ie and followed them to the ground.they landed on the ground with a thud.Goten instantly noticed someone.
"GOHAN!!!!WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!!!!!!!"he yelled running over to Gohan and Videl.Gohan patted his little brother's head and walked away Videl following them.
"Well Goten I'm here to meet Hymaru.there is an upcoming world tournoment and we're all entering.well dad thought that we should meet Hymaru and train with him."Gohan said as the rest of the group caught up to them.Goku took the lead and lead them to a cave.
"Well guys this is it."he said laughingly.typical Goku mood.we still followed him deeper into the cave and came at a house with red shingles and white paint.

Chapter Three: Enter a new Foe

The heroes were flying to the 'tournoment' when Goku turned to Vegeta, who was flying next to him, but across from Picollo and three over and two down from Goten, and said "Gee, Vegeta, don't you think we're spelling a lot better and talking in proper grammar in this latest chapter?"

Vegeta did a manly and most likely a homosexual grunt as he turned to look at Goku, "I DON'T CARE," he bellowed.

The heroes reached the tournoment. They then saw Perfect Cell standing there waiting for them beside the check in equipment. Cell laughed.

Goten was scared so he hid behind Trunks. "Trunks, have you been working out lately? You look great!"

Trunks blushed and turned around "We've been uh... yeah working out every day in hyperbolic time chamber, you must remember! You said you loved me, Goten," Trunks began in a hurt tone, but was cut off.

"KAMEHAMEHA!" Cell screamed as he attacked.

The attack hurt Vegeta a lot.

"VEGETAAAAAAAAAA!" Goku screamed as he turned Super Saiyan 4 to combat the evil Cell who was charging up his power while grunting. Goku ripped his shirt off and threw it on the ground.

While flexing his manly muscles and showing off his great upper body, Goku yelled, "YOU ARE GOING DOWN FOR THAT CELL!"

The fight started.

 

[King Internet]

my chapter wasnt that good :[

 

[Cornelius Sure Is Fickle~]

Sorry to break with the current story, but I had, well, let's say, inspiration. Hope you like...

Goku and Freeza were on the internet. It was an internet fight.

"You're gay," said Goku.

"No you are 'teh gay'," said Freeza.

Krillin who was sitting next to Goku on the computer was alarmed at Freeza's comeback, thinking his best friend had been bested for sure. Goku simply looked smug.

"HOW CAN YOU BE SO SMUG AT A TIME LIKE THIS!?!?!?!!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?" asked Krillin, amazed that his friend could keep a cool demeanor under such heavy fire.

But still, Goku looked calm. However, Freeza had taken this time to go on the offensive.

"Goku, you're so gay you're a faggot~" said Freeza.

"Freeza, u r teh bl0kk3d."

And with that, the little "monkey" known as Goku had bested Freeza completely.

 

[Gohan]

hey um guys?you guys are noobies aren't you?okay this is my fanfic so uh..yeah.if you guys want fanfiction rules go to one of the stickies at the top that says 'Fan Fiction Rules'.or one of those threads.

Chapter Three:
"Hey Goku!"a voice came from around the corner of the house.Goten peaked around the corner shortly followed by the other kids.Hymaru was jogging towards them.instead of walking out to greet him like Goku,Videl,and Vegeta did the rest just stared at him.
"Y-your a kid."Gohan remarked.he walked forward still staring.
WHAMP!!
Gohan was down.Videl was standing over him fist clenched.
"Gohan don't stare.don't act like a little kid."she said.Gohan was sitting on the ground,hands over the back of his head where she had hit him."Okay Videl."he said with a shaky laugh.he stood back up and stuck out his hand for Hymaru to shake.
"Hey guys.Goku has told me all about you.he says that you're all super strong and can go super sayion 4.I hope we'll all do great in the tournoment."he said hands behind his head.the others wlked forward,still staring.
WHAMP!!
"Pan what did I tell you about staring?!!"Videl screeched at Pan,who was now holding the back of her head.
"Sorry mom."Pan said.she stood back up and went to stand next to her father's side.
"Hey Hymaru do you have a frying pan I could borrow?"Videl said turning to Hymaru.the others all gulped nervously and stopped staring.they all came forward to introduce themselves.
"Hi Hymaru,my name is Goten.this is Pan,Trunks,and our little robotic friend Giru!"Goten told him,motioning to each person in turn.
"I'm Hymaru.how old are you all?I'm 11."he replied coming forward to stand with the group.
"Well....,lets see,I'm.....17,Trunks is.....18,Pan is........15.Gohan is.....um...-"Goten said.
"I'm...um...I'm 24.Videl is.....24.and Dad is....41...I think.Vegeta...is..40."Gohan said cutting in.he suddenly looked around as if something was missing.
"Hey wheres Piccolo?"he said puzzled.Gohan had a freindship with Piccolo since Gohan had trained in the wilderness.
"I'm right here kid."Piccolo said apearing behind Hymaru."this kid makes some very good food.even I like it.Dende says its the best thing hes ever tastesd!"Piccolo told us.he was as close to a geniune smile as he could get.

 

[Princess of Oceans]

I'm sorry, but my post was actually my review. If you can't detect sarcasm you need to read it again.

 

[Gohan]

ya could have just told me.so I have to work on my spelling,my orginization,my details,anything else?

 

[Kyosuke]

Cornelius Sure Is Fickle don't interrupt Gohan's story like that, if he wanted anyone to add to his fan-fic he would have said so.

 

[O]

I think its a she... Oh and, the 1st two were very short... Maybe they could've combined to be a chapter, and the 3rd one was an ok length. The plot is a bit weird but keep it up. Also sometimes do 2 enters instead of one. It makes the writing less squashed up.

 

[Kelsey]

Hey, you guys quit butting in on Gohan's story! This is surely against the rules of Fanfics, and I know Gohan doesn't appreciate your behavior so please: just read, rate, but make your own fanfic in another thread please. ^^;;

OK, well, from what I've seen so far Gohan, your fic looks pretty good. It seems as though there is a lot of chaos going on, but surely was intentful. ^_____^ I think adding paragraphs in there would release your fic from clutter, making it easier to read. ^______^

Also, one little grammer error I found was after someone speaks with quotations and such, you need to have a comma after it. Example:
"Hey Sara!", stated Kelly.

^o^ Overall, your fanfic is quite enjoyable. Great job Gohan! =3

~Kelsey

 

[Gohan]

yeah I don't usually write long chapters.most of them are alright when I get an idea thought up about the next chapter.

Chapter Four:
"Oookay.now this is getting pretty freaky,"Pan said.she was still standing by Gohan,away from Videl."and its about to get freakier,"she muttered barely hearable.

"What was that Pan,"Gohan said absentmindedly.he was staring at Piccolo thinking.

"Come in guys!!"Hymaru said excitedly,ushering them in.they found themselves standing in a living room with a tv,couches and a cofee table.Dende,Mr. Popo,Krillin,#18 and their child were lounging on the sofas watching the tv.on it were reports about the sucess about Capsule Corp. and their research.

"Hey Bulmas on!!you've gotta see this,"Krillin informed them upon walking in.Every one rushed forward,Vegeta pushing his way through.

"Shes my wife after all,"he declared.the reports were just ending though but they all caught the last few sentances.

"Bulma,the head of Capsule Corp. declares that Vegeta,her husband,is the source of her inspiration.This was another boring yet thrilling report.When we come back we'll tell you about the large number of wolve outbrakes in West City."the reporter told us as the commercials started.

"Who knew Vegeta could do something good for change?"Goku said in his joking manner.

okay I'm working on th quotations.

 

[Kelsey]

yeah I don't usually write long chapters.most of them are alright when I get an idea thought up about the next chapter.

Chapter Four:
"Oookay.now this is getting pretty freaky,"Pan said.she was still standing by Gohan,away from Videl."and its about to get freakier,"she muttered barely hearable.

"What was that Pan,"Gohan said absentmindedly.he was staring at Piccolo thinking.

"Come in guys!!"Hymaru said excitedly,ushering them in.they found themselves standing in a living room with a tv,couches and a cofee table.Dende,Mr. Popo,Krillin,#18 and their child were lounging on the sofas watching the tv.on it were reports about the sucess about Capsule Corp. and their research.

"Hey Bulmas on!!you've gotta see this,"Krillin informed them upon walking in.Every one rushed forward,Vegeta pushing his way through.

"Shes my wife after all,"he declared.the reports were just ending though but they all caught the last few sentances.

"Bulma,the head of Capsule Corp. declares that Vegeta,her husband,is the source of her inspiration.This was another boring yet thrilling report.When we come back we'll tell you about the large number of wolve outbrakes in West City."the reporter told us as the commercials started.

"Who knew Vegeta could do something good for change?"Goku said in his joking manner.

okay I'm working on th quotations.

Well, you have paragraphs now, so that's a good habit to get into. I would recommend lengthening this chapter some more, it's a bit too short. ^^;

Also, you have to remember that the first letter in every sentence is always capitalized. ^_____^

I saw one grammer error:
hearable = audible ^___^

Well, aside from that, this chapter could use a makeover. XD But really, I think your fic is getting much better. Just by taking advice from those who give it to you is sure to help you. ^^

~Kelsey

 

[mew42003]

Those were great Gohan!10 out of 10!