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[Other Original] EV's Collection of Short Writings
- Thread starter Absol
- Start date
Nolafus
Aspiring something
- 5,720
- Posts
- 12
- Years
- Lost in thought... again
- Seen Mar 4, 2018
I told you I would get to this eventually!
There weren't any obvious grammar mistakes that I spotted. This is usually a good omen, and I wasn't disappointed.
You're showing, so that's good. It's not the greatest showing the world has ever seen, but it's definitely a good start. The only thing I have to say is to keep working at it, and your writing will be a lot stronger.
The only qualm I'm really having, is that there's not much in terms of description. I really have no clue what the scenery around our main character looks like, or even what the main character looks like at all. Taking the time to slow down and making sure the reader is immersed in the scene will help a lot with making the emotional attachments.
Plus, I feel like the story is moving a bit too fast. There's enough content in each chapter to make a decent sized section, but they seem so short for me. Taking the time to add descriptions will help with this as well. As far as where to add them, I'm still figuring out how to do that myself, so I'll get back to you on that. :P
Overall, not a bad start by any means. With some minor tweaking, this story could be really strong. Just making sure to slow down and take the time to describe what's going on would go a long way. I enjoyed it and I'm glad you decided to post it! :D
There weren't any obvious grammar mistakes that I spotted. This is usually a good omen, and I wasn't disappointed.
I'm having issues with this opening sentence. Yes, it sets up the story, but I think there's a bit more information than what you need. Who are these elves? If I'm three chapters into the story and I still don't have a clue, I'm wondering if this should be mentioned this early. I get that this is the entire reason this guy is going on his journey, but I'm just having issues with it right now.
You're showing, so that's good. It's not the greatest showing the world has ever seen, but it's definitely a good start. The only thing I have to say is to keep working at it, and your writing will be a lot stronger.
The only qualm I'm really having, is that there's not much in terms of description. I really have no clue what the scenery around our main character looks like, or even what the main character looks like at all. Taking the time to slow down and making sure the reader is immersed in the scene will help a lot with making the emotional attachments.
Plus, I feel like the story is moving a bit too fast. There's enough content in each chapter to make a decent sized section, but they seem so short for me. Taking the time to add descriptions will help with this as well. As far as where to add them, I'm still figuring out how to do that myself, so I'll get back to you on that. :P
Overall, not a bad start by any means. With some minor tweaking, this story could be really strong. Just making sure to slow down and take the time to describe what's going on would go a long way. I enjoyed it and I'm glad you decided to post it! :D