"Finding Yourself"

[PKMNgamer]

-Chapter 1 Prologue-
All I remember was waking up wet and cold. It was horrible. I heard something, waves? It took me ages to realize i was lying face down on a floorboard of the S.S. Titan. The Ship, along with its crew passengers and there pokemon, sunk. I was the only survivor. My next thought was not about my safety, but about the safety of my beloved pichu. My closest friend. "Spark..." I whispered slightly and then passed out.

-Chapter One-
I sat on a bench just outside the Pokemon center main entrance thinking to myself. "Its getting late I better find a place to stay." A couple walked into the center, eyes locked with mine. I must have looked like a ghastly my face was long I was so worn out and I had no idea where I was going to stay tonight.
"Hey... do you have anywhere to stay?" I looked up and saw a beautiful face staring me down. Her dark brown hair was glinting in the twilight, she looked at me with wide eyes.
"Uhm... No." I replied sluggishly.
"Well my parents own a bed and breakfast." She said. "I could ask them to let you stay the night." I wasn't sure what to do. I needed a place to stay, but didn't want to be a burden.
"No." I said bluntly.
"Hmm... Suit yourself." She said and turned around sharply and walked away. I hung my head but noticed that she looked back, slightly worried. Waiting... Wondering...

Across the street I noticed a lone poochyena roaming around, looking for a good trash can to eat out of. I smiled.
I loved pokemon, ever since I was little and got my first pokemon. It was a pichu, I always took care of him. Played with him. But none of that matters now, my smile faded.

I stood up, held my hand out to try and call a taxi and quickly lowered it remembering I had no money. As it got darker, I walked on. Looking for a box or over hanging to sleep under. Hoping, praying for something good to happen, Regreting turn down that offer for the bed and breakfast.
I heard something in the distance. Thunder. It was about to start raining so I made a run towards the nearest building. Luckily there was a small cottage just ahead on a little hill.

I ran up and knocked on the door, a chubby bloak with a short black beard came to the door grunting and moaning.
"Who er you?" He asked me.
"My name's Dakoda." I replied.
"Eh! Halley come out here." He yelled into the house. The girl I talked to before came to the door, her pink night robe blowing in the wind. "Is this the boy you were telling me about? You're right, he does look poor."
"Daaaad! I'm sorry... Come in, please."

She was so nice to me. We went indoors and sat down around the kitchen table, Halley's mother was making dinner. Halley looked over at me. "What did you say your name was?" she asked smiling.
"Dakoda... I'm, not from around here." I looked away slightly.
"Where are you from, dear." Halley's mom asked from over at the stove. "Would you like some tea?" I looked over at her and polity said. "No, thank you." I put my hands together. "I'm from Violet city."
"Violet?!" Everyone turned and looked at me, an awkward silence befell the room. Halley broke the silence. "Violet is in Johto, that's... so far away."
"Hun, do you know where we are?" Halley's mom walked over to me slowly, looking me right in the eyes. I looked back at her silently for a moment.
"No ma'am, I... was on a ship wreak." Everything was still. No moved for what felt like forever. Halley's mom sat down next to me and put her arm over my shoulder and smiled.
"We'll take care of you. Lets eat dinner, and go to bed. We'll discuss this more in the morning."

To be continued...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Authors Notes Chapter 1; 6-19-09: I'm not a writer, and I noticed that my chapter 1 was a lot shorter than most other peoples fan fics on here.
I think it came out pretty good, but I want lots of feed back to make chapter two just that much better.
And I will be including a "Chapter Prologue" explaining some back story concerning that chapter. Thanks.

 

[Spectacular Hero]

First that prologue isn't even a page long so you probably want to make that longer or you can add it into chapter one. Also you need a lot of description to you know make the scenary clearer to the reader, and make your sentences longer too.

 

[PKMNgamer]

First that blog isn't even a page long so you probably want to make that longer or you can add it into chapter one. Also you need a lot of description to you know make the scenary clearer to the reader, and make your sentences longer too.

I feel the sentences are fine. a sentence doesn't need to be very long to get your point across.

and thanks, I will make more note of the scenary.
And I knew it was all too short especially the prolouge. If you don't like short chapters then there's no point in reading my fanfic. because they are all going to end up being at least this long. That's out to everyone reading this.

 

[Spectacular Hero]

I didn't say anything about the chapter being short, I was referring to the prologue the chapter lenght doesn't really matter much if it gets the job done I was just saying that you could add a little more to the prolougue, don't make it as long as the chapter, since your chapter's about two pages maybe three long the prologue could be around half maybe one page, or just a couple more paragraphs.

 

[PKMNgamer]

I didn't say anything about the chapter being short, I was referring to the prologue the chapter lenght doesn't really matter much if it gets the job done I was just saying that you could add a little more to the prolougue, don't make it as long as the chapter, since your chapter's about two pages maybe three long the prologue could be around half maybe one page, or just a couple more paragraphs.

Oh, right. well I am including a "Chapter Prologue" at the begining of each chapter. it'll be much shorter and explain some sort of back story on that chapter. (Sorry forgot to explain that.)

I've changed it to say Chapter 1 Prologue

 

[Spectacular Hero]

That's okay for me, that way we can know a little more about the ship wreak he was on