Following the Air

[He Trembles on Your Breath]

This is my first fanfic, named after myself ,(a bit cheesey I know but it's apt), (No longer is this true) tell me what you think, and be harsh​

Following the Air​

Chapter 1​

"Get back, GET BACK," His father screamed from the edge of the cliff top.
"But I want to help you, you'll fall," the young boy pleaded, his voice laced with desperation.
"Kail, you aren't strong enough. I'll just pull you down with me, just go, run and don't look back. Remember, I love you Kail," the desperation was heavy in his father's voice now as well.
"I love you too, Dad," with that Kail turned and ran, wincing as he heard his Father's last sound in this world, a scream.

***​

Kail woke up from the usual fitful nightmare; it still haunted him to his very soul. That had happened almost eight years ago: he was now fourteen. He knew he had to forget, but he just couldn't, it was the last memory of his father and he wasn't letting go.
Kail stood and looked in the mirror as he fumbled around for his comb and dragged it through his messy brown hair. He stared a while in the mirror at his deep green eyes, Jocey (the woman who had found Kail) had always said they were his defining feature, the way you could pick him out from anyone else in Bramble Town.
Kail sat back down on his bed, yawning and stretching, his eyes glancing over the illuminated Pokétch beside his bed. 11:30 he was supposed to meet Professor Thorn an hour ago!
Quickly grabbing his running shoes and any clothes he could find Kail tore out of the house, "Be back later… meeting Prof. Thorn."
His feet pounding the pavement, Kail could only think what Professor Thorn would do, he had seen students on the receiving end of one her tempers, they usually ended up clearing out the school stables.

***​

Being a teacher at the Local School for Trainers and being the local authority on Pokémon, Professor Thorn was a well respected woman. However she couldn't stand late students, especially when she wasn't the only one waiting.
"Professor, who exactly are we waiting for?" A young girl sitting patiently in front of her asked.
"I'm sorry Larissa, didn't I mention? We are waiting for Kail Alexander; I believe you have your classes with him?"
Larissa looked at the Professor as if this said it all, Kail was a great student, and a promising Trainer he was just always late.
At that moment the door to the lab burst open and a rather red-faced and out of breath boy entered.
"Sorry… I'm late… Profess…" The boy barely gasped out the words before collapsing on the floor.

***​

Kail stared at the pale, brown-haired woman above him, his eyes slowly adjusting before he realised it was professor Thorn.
"Good your awake, we can begin," Professor Thorn announced sharply, "Kail go and sit next to Larissa. Oh come on now, hurry it up."
Kail was used to the Professor's lack of sympathy, but it still managed to annoy him. Kail was glad his friend Larissa was here too, even if she was giving him one of her usual disapproving looks.
"Now, I imagine you'll both be wondering why I asked you here today, well, you passed your end of term tests with flying colours," the Professor couldn't help but pause and smile at the looks of glee on both of the children's faces, "you may or may not know that that tradition of the school compels me to grant you your first Pokémon!"
Larissa almost squealed with joy whilst Kail had almost fallen out of his seat with elation. With this the Professor took three Pokéballs from her desk. Tossing them into the air there was a flash of red light, and three of the most colourful little beings sat before them.
Happiny, Bagon and Oddish: The three Pokémon couldn't be more different and looked extremely odd sitting next to each other.
"Larissa, your marks were highest so you get to pick first, then Kail."
Larissa looked like she had been preparing to make the choice all her life, she walked straight over to the Happiny, picking it up and cradling it in her arms.
Kail felt the choice far more difficult, this Pokémon would likely be with him all his life. His eyes flicked between the Bagon and the Oddish. His heart pumped faster. He knew he couldn't choose.
Oddish had always felt bored, always living her life in the same place; she longed to travel, to be with a trainer, someone who would teach her to battle. The female trainer hadn't even seemed to notice she was there, the male trainer looked indecisive. She couldn't let this chance slip away. Waddling over to the boy, Oddish hugged onto his leg crying.
Amazed by the strange behaviour of the creature, Kail bent down to pick her up, "I think we know who I'm going to be taking then"

 

[Blue Angel]

I liked how the Oddish picked the Trainer, versus the Trainer picking the Pokemon.

There were a few cliches, like Kail waking up late, rushing out the door to meet a Professor, and then getting his first Pokemon.

I must say though, that these cliches seemed a little more justified, with the nightmare, the fact that the Professor was a female teacher of their school, and the fact that a high grade on an exam gave him the right to a Pokemon.

"But I want to help you, you'll fall," the young boy pleaded, his voice laced with desperation.

"Kail, you aren't strong enough. I'll just pull you down with me, just go, run and don't look back. Remember, I love you Kail," the desperation was heavy in his father's voice now as well.

Just two punctuation errors that I could see.

No comma after "help."
Too many commas in a sentence chop it up into pieces that don't make sense.

Your second punctuation error was a run-on type error, which could be easily fixed by putting a period after "enough."

I understand if they were periods, and they just looked like commas, due to the italics.

I didn't see any grammar and spelling mistakes.

Try to avoid cliches where you can. Here is a link that might help with that.

 

[He Trembles on Your Breath]

Thanks :D I'll try and get those errors sorted out, the cliches were slightly necessary. But don't worry I'll move away from them as the story progresses.

 

[Blue Angel]

Thanks :D I'll try and get those errors sorted out, the cliches were slightly necessary. But don't worry I'll move away from them as the story progresses.

No, it's no problem. You fixed your cliches by countering them with non-cliches.
Some people might not agree, but I say that goes above and beyond the "call of duty."
Most people just avoid them; You used them, and twisted them to work for you.
It was a risk, but a good one.

(Don't change anything to keep them futuristically though :p
Change is good, and more people will probably appreciate the future cliche discarding
Don't mind me; Keep going like I said nothing XD)

 

[He Trembles on Your Breath]

Chapter 2​

Air wandered into the strange town, copper-brown hair blustering about her in the breeze. She caught many a glance from people passing by, obviously bemused by her odd attire. Air thought it fun to be striking, challenging common perceptions about what 'should' be worn. She always wore her hair in bunches and the upper part of her clothing consisted of a short-sleeved canary yellow T-shirt. This was tucked into her navy blue skirt that fell just below her knees. To finish off she had a large black satchel carried over one shoulder with two Pokéballs clipped on.
Air often did things on a whim, flitting about through the countryside or from one town to the next. It was on one of these whims that she happened upon Bramble town and a familiar boy starting his journey into to the world of Pokémon.
"Ouch, that really hurt, why'd you walk into me?" The strange girl grumbled.
Oddish gave a squeak of derision at the human who appeared to be shouting at her new master. The girl had been taking no notice of where she was walking and had walked straight into Kail and Oddish who had subsequently been perched on Kail's shoulder. Her master stood gawping and the girl idiotically, and giving her the oddest of looks. He was failing to notice that Oddish had been knocked to the ground after the incident.
Kail stared awkwardly at the girl before him: his cheeks flushing a pale shade of pink, "I'm… It's just… Well, you have green eyes."
Air thought to herself about how people called her strange and random people bump into her because she had green eyes. "If that's all then," she replied to the boy, slowly moving off to the right.
"Wait a second, can I-"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESH," Came a loud squeal, Oddish stood at her master's feet crying.
His cheeks flushing even more fiercely after Oddish's little outburst Kail scooped the creature into his arms. This incident had apparently tickled Air as she had and an uncontrolled fit of giggles and leaned over tickling the little Oddish's stomach. Kail laughed too as Oddish made happy little burbles of animalistic laughter kicking her tiny feet.
"I was only just given her at school, we're still learning how to work together," Kail explained
Air looked at Kail and smiled, she figured the boy was younger than her, but not by much maybe a year or two, "The name's Air, I'm travelling with my Pokémon. I'm following the wind and they're following the air."
Kail smiled back at Air, "I'm Kail."
"Well Kail I'll see you around, good luck," with this Air turned on her heel and walked in the other direction.
"Wait," Kail called after her, "Are you going anywhere important?"
Air turned on her heel fixing Kail with her gaze yet again, "Like I said, I am travelling."
"It's just I've always been the only person around here with green eyes and it's… Well it' just… Erm…" Kail paused to think of what to say, "I know it's weird asking this but could I come with you?"
"Because I have green eyes."
"Yes."
"Your fairly new to this, you'll want to go and travel around gyms, be the typical hero, I just want to be with my Pokémon and to travel, I'm really not going anywhere in particular. And besides that you're a stranger to me and have the off chance off wanting too kill me." Air replied, in a rather blunt tone.
Kail suppressed a giggle despite the fact she was being serious he found humorous at how ludicrous he was himself being, "When you put it that way, I see how stupid I must sound to you. But I just thought you might be able to help in some way I suppose. I began thinking we might have some sort of an epic adventure, almost a schoolboy daydream really. I should let you get away. It was nice to meet you though."
Air gave the boy a bemused look, but shook it off with a smile, "Nice meeting you too Kail and good luck I suppose."
With that she turned on her heel walking off, out of the small town. What an odd boy, Air thought to herself.

***​

It had been hours, his feet were sodden and he was cold throughout. He'd even had to put Oddish into her Pokéball because of the downtrodden weather.
After trotting along an old beaten path for roughly an hour Kail came across a large, illuminated Pokéball flashing on and off in the horizon. He hurried his pace enthused by thought of shelter in one of the nation's friendly Pokémon centres.
The doors to the relatively small centre widened and Larissa turned her head. A familiar face came into view, "Kail, over here!"
Kail smiled happily seeing his friend sitting on one of the small red couches, "Why isn't there anyone here?" He queried.
Larissa shrugged, " It was this way when I got here, I was hoping to spend the night but the local Nurse isn't-"
A large howl from outside the doors cut her off. A Nurse and a middle-aged women ran inside carrying a large Persian with a gash in it's right side. Larissa turned her head away from the scene disturbed at thought of what could of happened. The distressed creature howled once more whilst it's tearful owner made reassuring sounds.
"Oh Kail who could do such a thing? I mean, the poor thing it must be in so much pain to make a noise like that," Larissa questioned in a small quavering voice.
Kail only managed a "Hmm," too disturbed by what he had seen.
Kail and Larissa sat quietly for over half an hour until a dishevelled looking Nurse Joy came to greet them and apologised for not acknowledging them beforehand.
"Is it okay?" Kail asked, " and do you have any idea what happened to it?"
"He should be okay, no major organs were damaged, thankfully. As for what happened I could barely get a word out of the poor women bar her name and something about being jumped," she replied.
"Jumped, oh how aw-"
The door crashed open three imposing young men carrying knives smashed their way into the centre, they were garbed in strange red clothing.
The tallest of the three grabbed Nurse Joy by the front of her blouse holding the knife point to her throat, "Tell me where it is, and you won't get hurt."
-------------
Okay so this has been a long time in coming. To be honest I totally forgot about it, hope you enjoy.

 

[Lonely Roses]

I know you'd said that you'd worked on something, but I had no idea it was like this. :P I'm impressed little friend.

 

[He Trembles on Your Breath]

I know you'd said that you'd worked on something, but I had no idea it was like this. :P I'm impressed little friend.

'Little friend' Patronise much? Glad you read it though, next chapter is giving me a terrible case of writer's block. :\