How young is too young?

[FreakyLocz14]

In most places, it is illegal to engage in sexual activity with a minor. In California, it is even illegal, though rarely prosecuted, for two teenage minors to engage in sexual activity with each other.

Does a couple where one partner is 18 and the other is 17 being intimate with each other really deserve harsh criminal punishment and the possibility for them to have to register as sex offenders for the of their lives? I think not.

My question for you is, where do we draw the line? Is a 16 year old being with a 21 year old too much of an age difference? Then how do you explain people like Anna Nicole Smith, who used to date old men while she was in her 20's and 30's?

Also, in some places, the age of consent is lower for heterosexual activity and higher for homosexual activity. Is that fair?

Discuss.

EDIT:
In Canada, the age of consent was 14 for a long time. It was recently increased to 16. In America, ages of consent vary from 15-18 depending on their state or territory. In some states (mostly Southern states) and territories the age of consent will be 15-17 for heterosexual activity, while it will be 18 for homosexual activity. This is likely because this is the only way that those states can criminalize homosexual behavior.

 

[Cariad]

Wow...

Well, in my opinion, age doesn't matter when it comes to a relationship. You can be in love and have like...11 years difference. But a 20 and 80 year old doesn't work. I mean, there are limits, but not many. Wow i'm so bad at explaining myself. You get the point.

 

[Alley Cat]

I think that all this age stuff is just plain bull-****.
I can understand them wanting to protect people who don't really want the sex, but feel they don't know how to say no. But, guess what? I don't choose to.

The whole age difference, legal and non-legal thing is also a bunch of crap. Who cares if your bf/gf is two years younger? What does it matter? It is hurting no one for someone who is 18, and someone who is 16 or 17 to be together. I mean, as long as both people are actually committed to it, then what's wrong? What's your reason for condemning it? I don't have a problem if the age difference is ten years, so long as they are both consenting adults. The thing, the bigger the age difference, the older you should be. Because an adult in the eyes of law(18) truly does have no business being with someone not even sexually developed(10). But if they want to do it, when the 10 year old is 20, and the 18 year is old 28, then fine. That's their business again, their both legal adults.

But what gets me, is when they try to prosecute two "underage" people who just want to do what they want to do, and want to have the fun they should be allowed to have. They aren't hurting anyone by having sex, so the government should just lay off.

&& The heterosexual age being younger than the homosexual one? That's just more of that homophobic behaviour that is so riddled throughout our government creeping up throughout the cracks. They figure they can't stop it, so they might as well as try to delay it, or find ways to get rid of them(making their acts illegal.). But again, that's just homophobic fear. What difference is the sex between me and my boyfriend, and my sister and hers? Not a damn thing. We both love and care about our partners, so what difference does it make? None. Just bigots being bigots.

 

[Sydian]

Does a couple where one partner is 18 and the other is 17 being intimate with each other really deserve harsh criminal punishment and the possibility for them to have to register as sex offenders for the of their lives? I think not.

That's like...if you were 20, almost 21, and went out and drank. You're still breaking the law, but at the same time, who really cares? I'm indifferent on this one. While I feel like "well you're almost 18 anyway, so why does it matter?" the same would apply to drinking alcohol before the age of 21. People do both of those, so idek.

My question for you is, where do we draw the line? Is a 16 year old being with a 21 year old too much of an age difference? Then how do you explain people like Anna Nicole Smith, who used to date old men while she was in her 20's and 30's?

There's a vast difference in maturity and milestones with a 16 year old and a 21 year old. For one, a 16 year old has, likely, just gotten their driver's license. They're still in high school, not even a senior. Probably around 9th-11th grade. A 21 year old though? They've had their license (usually), have graduated high school, possibly college (or are at least close to doing so), can legally drink alcohol, and just...there's just too many social differences between the two. I mean, they can be together, sure, but you're likely to not have too much in common. No limits to love, but I still...well, if I were 21, I wouldn't even be interested in a 16 year old. Heck, I'm 18 and don't even wanna think about being with a 16 year old. lol

Also, in some places, the age of consent is lower for heterosexual activity and higher for homosexual activity. Is that fair?

If anything, why isn't it lower? You can't get pregnant from homosexual activity! But no, if there's gonna be a limit on sexual activity for heterosexuals and homosexuals, give them the same limit. That's just ridiculous that it would be higher. Just...why. lol People still break it anyway though~!

Hi I'm Syd and I suck at explaining what I'm trying to say.

 

[Black Ice]

The reason is probably because 16 year olds don't understand the risk of having a child at such a young age, and they're not responsible enough for one. The older person might just be taking advantage.

18 sounds like a more reasonable age than 16, but if the person does it anyway, he/she should be prepared for any unfortunate consequences. I don't think age differences should matter as long as it's consensual.

 

[Margot]

Well, I for one am not a fan of overly young kids doing anything of the sort, even if they around the same age. My friend works as a camp counselor and she told me her 5th graders were talking about sexual and I was like NOOOO WHY.

But age difference? I totally agree with Sydian, I knew a 16 year-old who was dating a 22 year-old and that grossed me out. Because a 16 year-old and a 22 year-old are at very different stages in their lives and want different things and the maturity is generally off.

I'll put more into this post later when I get back since I have to go :x

 

[Alley Cat]

I agree with Sydian on the whole 16, 21 wont have much in common. But think about it in different perspectives. They've known eachother their whole lives, or maybe they go to a few parties together, because even if they aren't supposed to be drinking/having the same interests, that still doesn't mean that they dont. The two might be at different points in their lives, but they could still have been drawn together due to something that they've shared in their life. It could be that one point in common. But I do see what you mean about the whole difference in social status there.

As long as everyone is safe about, and sexually developed or developing... then I don't see much of problem with anything.

 

[Deleted member 143209]

I think there ages that are certainly too young. But I think it depends on your maturity and where you are in a relationship. But in my opinion, any age under 16 or 17 is far too young, and even at that I think the teenager would need to be in a good place and in a decent relationship with the person they're doing it with. Otherwise they're going to see sex as sex, and I do not feel they will have much of any other view on it until they do it with someone that means something to them, which is a whole other thing entirely.

My question for you is, where do we draw the line? Is a 16 year old being with a 21 year old too much of an age difference?

I think so, but it depends on the relationship they've had really. But really, I think the 16 year old should be in a mutual situation as the other person, especially for their first time, the 16 year old does not need to remember their first time being a bad experience.

Then how do you explain people like Anna Nicole Smith, who used to date old men while she was in her 20's and 30's?
I wouldn't call her any sort of example, to be honest. And I don't consider her to be a good role model in this sense. But she had the right to marry or be with whoever she wishes, but research her situation and you'll find reasoning for dating older men.

Also, in some places, the age of consent is lower for heterosexual activity and higher for homosexual activity. Is that fair?
I'm not very opinionated on this, but I think that it's always going to be a different sort of experience, and the dangers are different in each. With that said, I don't really see why there is a difference in the jurisdiction for either situation, and I don't feel that it should be.

 

[Livewire]

Well, I for one am not a fan of overly young kids doing anything of the sort, even if they around the same age. My friend works as a camp counselor and she told me her 5th graders were talking about sexual and I was like NOOOO WHY.

But age difference? I totally agree with Sydian, I knew a 16 year-old who was dating a 22 year-old and that grossed me out. Because a 16 year-old and a 22 year-old are at very different stages in their lives and want different things and the maturity is generally off.

I'll put more into this post later when I get back since I have to go :x

Agreed with Kyoko & Sydian. No 16 year old is in the same ballpark in terms of maturity, schooling, occupation, etc, as a 21 or 22 year old. Take a freshamn in High School, and switch their lives with a Freshman in College, and it'd be very noticeable. Sure, a 16 year old might seem mature to a passerby, but notice how the "You seem mature for your age" add-on gets mentioned when people compliment kids like that. You seem mature at 16. What have you done to warrant that? You just got out of junior high. Ok, yes, you can drive at 16. How about pay insurance? Or for a home? Feed/Clothe yourself? Pay for college? Be conscripted into the military? Raise a family at an early age? Go to Jail? The world is big and scary in some cases, it's not easy. Look at the show 16 & Pregnant on MTV. One big train wreck after the other, because they are too young to handle real world problems. 18 should be the uniform age for everything in the eyes of the government.

 

[FreakyLocz14]

Agreed with Kyoko & Sydian. No 16 year old is in the same ballpark in terms of maturity, schooling, occupation, etc, as a 21 or 22 year old. Take a freshamn in High School, and switch their lives with a Freshman in College, and it'd be very noticeable. Sure, a 16 year old might seem mature to a passerby, but notice how the "You seem mature for your age" add-on gets mentioned when people compliment kids like that. You seem mature at 16. What have you done to warrant that? You just got out of junior high. Ok, yes, you can drive at 16. How about pay insurance? Or for a home? Feed/Clothe yourself? Pay for college? Be conscripted into the military? Raise a family at an early age? Go to Jail? The world is big and scary in some cases, it's not easy. Look at the show 16 & Pregnant on MTV. One big train wreck after the other, because they are too young to handle real world problems. 18 should be the uniform age for everything in the eyes of the government.

Should the 18 year old line be that definite? What about my example of a 17 year old and an 18 year old in a relationship? A 1 year or less age difference certainly isn't anything major.

 

[Alley Cat]

Agreed with Kyoko & Sydian. No 16 year old is in the same ballpark in terms of maturity, schooling, occupation, etc, as a 21 or 22 year old. Sure, a 16 year old might seem mature to a passerby, but notice how the "You seem mature for your age" add-on gets mentioned when people compliment kids like that. Look at the show 16 & Pregnant on MTV. One big train wreck after the other. 18 should be the uniform age for everything in the eyes of the government.

I agree with the government needing a uniform age, and 18 should be it. But with shows lie 16 & Pregnat, they make the scenarios out to be worse than they actually are. It's all about drama, money, ratings, and views to them. I should know, I've known a few different "16 & Pregnant" people, and none of it was even REMOTELY close to how they protray it on the show. They like to throw a few wrenches into the system and see what happens because of it.

But who needs to be at the same maturity level to be together? My sister's boyfriend is just a plain immature dumbass. He's 18, and less mature than me. But that doesn't make him any less of person. My sister is less mature than me. But sometimes I'm less mature. It goes around in a circle like that, honestly.

If they are physically mature, then in most cases, they are mentally mature enough. If they can both stand up there and say: This is whole-heartedly what I wanted, I was fully commited, and I have no regrets blahblah then what does it matter? Again, it doesn't harm you, let them do as they please. A 16 year old has just as much chance getting pregnant as does a 21 year old(disregarding fertility rates/ovulating etc) & Depending on their situation, a 16 year old could take better, just as good, or worse care of a child than a 21 year old can. It is situation dependent, but of course that would be applying double standards, and the government cant and shouldn't do that.

They just need a central, uniform age of consent/maturity/allowedtodowhatyouwant. 18 sounds just, you've gone through all your mandatory schooling(in most cases).

All I know though.. is I've kissed people 18(just turned), and people 13. I was consenting to both of those. I ASKED for those kisses, and I kissed back. Is the 18 year old supposed to get arrested because he kissed me? Nah. That just ain't cool.

Should the 18 year old line be that definite? What about my example of a 17 year old and an 18 year old in a relationship? A 1 year or less age difference certainly isn't anything major.

There are always going to be things that are unjust because of the law. But that is where double-standards kick in. The government can't(READ: shouldn't) apply the law to some situations and other ones. While it might not seem fair for the 17 and 18 year old couple to be illegal, they can't let that slide, yet still press the 16 and 18 year old couple. That'd be double standards, and they can't technically do it. They have to apply a definite line, and they have to stick to it, it's the only way to be fair.

 

[Livewire]

Should the 18 year old line be that definite? What about my example of a 17 year old and an 18 year old in a relationship? A 1 year or less age difference certainly isn't anything major.

A year or so would be permissible, I think. When I started dating my girlfriend in High School three years ago this October, she was 16 (A month away from 17) and I was 18. But I think I'd be hard to justify 22 and 16, 21 and 16, etc.

 

[Guy]

That's like...if you were 20, almost 21, and went out and drank. You're still breaking the law, but at the same time, who really cares? I'm indifferent on this one. While I feel like "well you're almost 18 anyway, so why does it matter?" the same would apply to drinking alcohol before the age of 21. People do both of those, so idek.

There's a vast difference in maturity and milestones with a 16 year old and a 21 year old. For one, a 16 year old has, likely, just gotten their driver's license. They're still in high school, not even a senior. Probably around 9th-11th grade. A 21 year old though? They've had their license (usually), have graduated high school, possibly college (or are at least close to doing so), can legally drink alcohol, and just...there's just too many social differences between the two. I mean, they can be together, sure, but you're likely to not have too much in common. No limits to love, but I still...well, if I were 21, I wouldn't even be interested in a 16 year old. Heck, I'm 18 and don't even wanna think about being with a 16 year old. lol

If anything, why isn't it lower? You can't get pregnant from homosexual activity! But no, if there's gonna be a limit on sexual activity for heterosexuals and homosexuals, give them the same limit. That's just ridiculous that it would be higher. Just...why. lol People still break it anyway though~!

Hi I'm Syd and I suck at explaining what I'm trying to say.

Syd's explanation above would be my sentiments exactly.

Also, you explained it wonderfully.

 

[Bluerang1]

I guess 18 or even 19. Stuffs like that shouldn't be happening when you're still in school. You have better things to worry about. Apart from age of consent, I believe in waiting until marriage. Why conjoin with someone you'll eventually forget? O_o

 

[Livewire]

Why conjoin with someone you'll eventually forget? O_o

I take great offense to that. So, since I've had premarital sex, that dooms my relationship automatically, no matter how much I love my girlfriend? (In my case, at least) Let's be a bit more reasonable and open minded than that.

 

[Alley Cat]

I guess 18 or even 19. Stuffs like that shouldn't be happening when you're still in school. You have better things to worry about. Apart from age of consent, I believe in waiting until marriage. Why conjoin with someone you'll eventually forget? O_o

I'm gay. I can't get married. Does this mean I'm supposed to live a sexless life forever? Or at least until they decide to legalize gay marriage? No. I don't plan on that. && Just because you haven't married someone, doesn't mean you will forget them. I haven't had sex, and when I do, it's probably going to be with my current boyfriend, but not for a while. We're going to wait until we're both ready and want it. Can we get married? No. So that's out of the option, and we aren't going to wait until the government decides that we are legal. && I'm certainly not going to ever forget him. It's been a year, and he's the first person I've been able to say "I love you" to. No, he's never going to leave my mind.

 

[FreakyLocz14]

I take great offense to that. So, since I've had premarital sex, that dooms my relationship automatically, no matter how much I love my girlfriend? (In my case, at least) Let's be a bit more reasonable and open minded than that.

I don't find it offensive at all. People have different moral values. Waiting until marriage speaks volumes about someone's sense of morality, and is a sign of restraint. It doesn't make those who engage in premarital sex automatically immoral, though.

I'm gay. I can't get married. Does this mean I'm supposed to live a sexless life forever? Or at least until they decide to legalize gay marriage? No. I don't plan on that. && Just because you haven't married someone, doesn't mean you will forget them. I haven't had sex, and when I do, it's probably going to be with my current boyfriend, but not for a while. We're going to wait until we're both ready and want it. Can we get married? No. So that's out of the option, and we aren't going to wait until the government decides that we are legal. && I'm certainly not going to ever forget him. It's been a year, and he's the first person I've been able to say "I love you" to. No, he's never going to leave my mind.

Well, you could see if there are civil unions or domestic partnerships where you guys live.

 

[Livewire]

I don't find it offensive at all. People have different moral values. Waiting until marriage speaks volumes about someone's sense of morality, and is a sign of restraint. It doesn't make those who engage in premarital sex automatically immoral, though.

In your particular view of things, maybe. I fail to see how it shows an upstanding moral sense or restraint, however maybe in your culture it does. But that was an offensive and close minded statement he made.

 

[Rogue planet]

I generally tend to categorize teens into two areas, younger than 16 and older than 16 (since the laws here say 16 is the age of consent). I think, if two people below 16 do things together, it's really not that bad; and most do anyway IT'S CALLED EXPERIMENTING. Whereas if it's a 13 year old and a 17 year old, it seems a lot more like the oldest is taking advantage here.

If a 16 year old and a 20 year old had sex, I wouldn't have a problem. It's the same age difference, but the mental gap between being 14 and then just two years later being 16 is pretty large. There's a lot of development that goes in a very short amount of time when you're at that age.

So generally I think once you're over the age of consent you can do what you want. If one person is above and the other is below then it's likely there's something wrong (but not always); but if both people are under the age of consent it's not as bad as one being above and one being below. Like most situations though, you really cannot apply a universal category, because there will always be a minority that contradict it. But we have to, for the sake of the law. I would say that I support the idea of 16 being the age of sexual consent. And in this country, most cases of two minors having sex is brushed aside, which I support as well.

As for homosexuals having different laws, as usual, it's just ridiculous.

 

[Shining Raichu]

I actually think the age of consent should be lowered for everybody. I'm not sure about the exact specifics of it all, but the second you hit puberty there are hormones and urges coursing through your body that need to be constantly maintained. Now, I'm not suggesting that 12-year-olds should be engaging in these activities, but I do think that sex has been made overly sacred by society and needs to be de-stigmatised. It's just a bodily desire that needs to be fulfilled, and I personally don't see why it takes this commonly-talked-about x amount of maturity to partake. As long as they practice safe-sex, of course. But how much maturity does it take to put on a condom?

My opinion is make the age of consent 15 years old everywhere. Teenagers are going to have sex, and telling them they're not allowed to have sex until the adults judge that they're ready is a little too totalitarian for my taste and will not work anyway.

As for age differences, a 16 year old with a 21 year old does not bother me in the slightest. If a 15 year old was with a 25 year old that would be a different story. I think everybody has their own lines to draw on that particular topic, but this imaginary apartheid line between those over 18 and those under 18 has taken too severe a meaning under the law.

And again, as for homosexuals having different standards to live by, ridiculous and unfair as always. But that will change as the bigots begin to die off and a new society emerges :)

I don't find it offensive at all. People have different moral values. Waiting until marriage speaks volumes about someone's sense of morality, and is a sign of restraint. It doesn't make those who engage in premarital sex automatically immoral, though.

People too often confuse values with morals in my opinion. To say something like that shows how morally upstanding someone is, that's a judgment call that nobody really has the authority to make. For instance, I don't believe that no sex before marriage is moral, I think it's more than a little silly and goes against baser instincts just for the sake of going against baser instincts.