How young is too young?

[Freedom Fighter N]

Raichu, it's not a matter of age.
When was the last time you met a 13 years old and you got a good explanation of how the process goes, and the risks involved, what do to in certain situations, etc? Most likely it didn't happen. Now, ask the same question a 16 years old.

And no idea why it became so holy either. Gotta say, it's an hour at best with foreplay, so what the hell. Sex is likely 3% at best of the time you spend with your lover anyway. Even 3% is bad? Wut.
Oh well, this is coming from a 17 years old male's mouth, so it probably can't be taken seriously.

And I kinda categorize teens like Vendek here does, except it's a "mentally mature" and a "mentally immature" instead of younger or older than 16.

 

[FreakyLocz14]

In your particular view of things, maybe. I fail to see how it shows an upstanding moral sense or restraint, however maybe in your culture it does. But that was an offensive and close minded statement he made.

I think you took what he said the wrong way. He wasn't saying that you're immoral if you have sex with your girlfriend before marrying her.

 

[Esper]

Depends on maturity. There's no easy answer. Buuuuut... half your age plus seven rule? Let's start there.

A 20 year old can only be with someone 17 or older.
A 19 year old can only be with someone 16.5 or older.
An 18 year old can only be with someone 16 or older.
A 17 year old can only be with someone 15.5 or older.
A 16 year old can only be with someone 15 or older.
A 15 year old can only be with someone 14.5 or older.
A 14 year old can only be with someone 14 or older.

Anyone younger doesn't fit into the formula. Therefore anyone under 14 is too young, flat out. I think that's a pretty good starting point. Too young is also not knowing how to use a condom and not knowing about STIs. I don't know when people learn about that in school, but for me it was in 9th grade when most kids were 14 or 15. So I'd say that 14 is a good bottom limit, but even then it should follow the half-your-age-plus-seven rule. And even then I think most aren't ready, but I wouldn't automatically say someone is too young at 15, just that they probably aren't.

 

[Dawn]

Age matters a whole lot when someone's below say 20. However, it starts mattering less and less the older both people get. When you're a teenager though, it matters a whole lot, and for a dang good reason. It's there to protect the naive.

Also, inb4 trying to justify not trying to stop the naive from suffering because of their naivety.

 

[Evanlyn]

ok, if some of you take this as an insult, I am sorry, but I feel that I have the need to explain (as best as I can) about sex, all I ask is you read the whole post;

1. When a couple has sex, it forms a bond - it makes the couple emotionally attracted to each other, so when they break up, it will make it SO much harder - love cannot be based on feelings alone, but also on decisions.
2. having sex before you're married doesn't help your relationship - although many people might think "ooh cool, a bond, that will help our relationship!" all it will do is basically destroy your relationship. It will blot out reason. Fights will start. There will be too much pressure put on both partners in the relationship.
3. If at least one of the people in the couple has had premartial sex before, then it is more likely of them getting STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) - most of these are life changing and even deadly (yes, they can kill you) - I would suggest going to a doctor and getting checked, and then cease having premartial sex.
4. The most obvious one, pregnancy. After having sex, it is likely that the female will get pregnant, and if you break up, she will be a single parent (because if you have abortion, it is MURDER - most think that 'it's all right, it's not a human yet - WRONG, as soon as it is concieved, it is alive, it is human) Children need 2 parents, it is in their nature. The mother, especially if she is a teenager, will find it extremely difficult to care for her child, especially if she doesn't live at home anymore.
I saw that somebody mentioned 'condoms' in a previous post, saying it's fine and that they will 'protect' the people having sex. Once again, this is wrong. Condoms offer minimal, I repeat, minimal protection - even if you wear them, there is still a very high chance that you will get pregnant, it is best to refrain from premartial sex entirely.
5. another thing you should know is that the most couples who have had the happiest sex, was those who saved it for marriage.
6. Also, you should know that you should NOT marry just for sex - it will not be a good relationship, you will probably end up fighting so much, and then getting a divorce, don't do this.
7. If you are in a relationship, and your partner tells you 'if you love me, have sex with me,' then he/she doesn't truly love you, they are using you - talk to them, and, if he/she continues to use you, get out of there as fast as you can! If you never wish to get married, do not go into a relationship just for sex, that will mean that you are being a jerk and being selfish.
8. If you are wondering 'when can I marry her?' wait until she is older than 21. From the ages 16 - 21, she is going through many changes, it is likely that she will 'outgrow' you, just wait a while, and then, if she is still around, then you might seriously think about marriage.

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask me.

 

[Evanlyn]

yes, sorry, I accidentally got 2 bits of info mixed up in my head - I will tell you what I was supposed to say;

A study has shown that condoms have a 31% 100% kill rate. It may seem fine, but you are putting yourself and your partner at incredible risk. A study has shown that condoms have a 31% failure rate. Now ask yourself, would you hop on a plane that you are told 'don't worry, 69% of our planes land safely, only 31% blow up in midair.' That's not a risk that I'm willing to take.

 

[Esper]

I would like to see that study since it conflicts with what I know about condoms. Perhaps you were seeing a statistic about their effectiveness when not used properly, since improper use does reduce their efficiency, (and here is where you could make the connection of someone being too young to have learned how to do it properly) but don't go away thinking that condoms break all the time because, well, they don't, and if used in conjunction with other forms of contraception they can be super-effective at stopping pregnancy, even if it can't be a 100% guarantee.

 

[Bluerang1]

In your particular view of things, maybe. I fail to see how it shows an upstanding moral sense or restraint, however maybe in your culture it does. But that was an offensive and close minded statement he made.

I believe. Me. Maybe some others but my post refereed to me :)

I'm gay. I can't get married. Does this mean I'm supposed to live a sexless life forever? Or at least until they decide to legalize gay marriage? No. I don't plan on that. && Just because you haven't married someone, doesn't mean you will forget them. I haven't had sex, and when I do, it's probably going to be with my current boyfriend, but not for a while. We're going to wait until we're both ready and want it. Can we get married? No. So that's out of the option, and we aren't going to wait until the government decides that we are legal. && I'm certainly not going to ever forget him. It's been a year, and he's the first person I've been able to say "I love you" to. No, he's never going to leave my mind.

Well then if you find someone you really love etc. You can't forget one you've loved can you?

 

[Nafe]

Less than 2% of condoms break when used correctly. 1-5% may slip off and 3-13% may slip down but not off. That sure has hell is alot less than 31%..... And if you buy a condom that fits properly, you'll reduce the risk of slippage.
The breakage rate (which is what I would consider a failure, as the others don't relate to a fault in the product) is pretty damn low ;)
As I said, I have been using condoms for years and years and have never had one break or fall off, and I am not a daddy yet.

 

[Alley Cat]

Well, you could see if there are civil unions or domestic partnerships where you guys live.

As far as I'm concerned, everyone says wait until your married, not in a civil union or domestic partnership. This is gonna be off-topic, but also.. I don't want to get down on one knee, open a box with a few forms in it and say: "Will you be in a domestic partnership with me? Just sign here." That doesn't exactly float my boat.

&& Condoms have a very little chance of leading to pregnancy. If that's your qualm, there are are also other ways. Spermicide, Birth Control, Day After Pills, etcetc. So you can't chalk up underage sex to being a bad thing just because the condom might fail. Because the condom has the same chance to fail in and out of marriage. Plus... you could always, like I said, use the other methods such as birth control and spermicide.

Well then if you find someone you really love etc. You can't forget one you've loved can you?

No. I can't. Which is why what you said doesn't make sense. The whole, why do it with someone you are going to forget. && I'll ask you, since I can't legally get married, what would, by your morals and values, be the route for me to take?

 

[Alley Cat]

Don't get angry with Bluerang. All he did was say something he believed in(I personally agree with what he said, but that's just me). It shouldn't cause any offense if you firmly believe in what you do yourself. No reason to get fighty here....

Who here got angry? & So, by your beliefs, what would I have to do enable to justly have sex(as justly as possible with homosexuality being a sin) && If two people were 15 and got married, would that make their sex okay?

 

[chanchimi]

Who here got angry? & So, by your beliefs, what would I have to do enable to justly have sex(as justly as possible with homosexuality being a sin) && If two people were 15 and got married, would that make their sex okay?

You seem like you're getting angry by the way you're asking this question. I didn't say anything about ages and what makes it okay. You shouldn't really care what I think about that, anyways.

 

[Alley Cat]

You seem like you're getting angry by the way you're asking this question. I didn't say anything about ages and what makes it okay. You shouldn't really care what I think about that, anyways.

No. I'm just curious. Would sex be okay regardless of age by your beliefs if they were marrried? It's a debate, and I'm wondering.

 

[chanchimi]

No. I'm just curious. Would sex be okay regardless of age by your beliefs if they were marrried? It's a debate, and I'm wondering.

Ok. Well, I'm not really sure. Because for me personally, I don't think of it like that.... I would wait because I'm in no rush to be involved in it. I've never really been interested in anyone, or even been in a relationship. By choice, of course. xD Yea. Not sure if that makes sense.

But anyways. If you really want an answer, I guess I'd say that they can do what they want! Married or not, I wouldn't ever expect people to do things the way I would. I don't do almost anything people my age do. If that is what they want to do, gay, straight, married or not married. They can do what they want, when it comes to this, it is their choice. I can't change anyones opinions, and I wouldn't try to. (Sorry for this longish reply!)

 

[Livewire]

Let's get back on topic, please. In the future, Chanchimi & Alley Cat, If you want to debate like that, do so in VM's.

 

[Alley Cat]

Hm.. Sorry. It seemed on-topic to me, because we were still discussing age in and out of marriage. If anything got snappy back there, I didn't realize. So, again, sorry. :/

All I can say is, I'm 15. If I want to do something, I'm going to do it. I think if you are at an old enough age to ejaculate for men, or get your period for women, then you are physically ready for it. Mentally, however, depends on person to person. I might be a little too young, but there honestly wont be much difference for me between now and year. If you think that you're ready for it, and are planning to do it safe, then I can honestly say, go for it. This topic is so situation-based, that it'd honestly be impossible to pick a fair age. People would always feel(and some be) ready before that age, and some wouldn't feel(or be) ready until after that age. I guess that 18 is the most fair thing, because that is when you are ready to carry your own court issues and are basically sent off on your own.