I am jealous but I don't want to be

oni flygon

:)
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    Heya! Since a poem thread won't work because I'm not popular in these parts... I decied to make individual threads for my poems...>.> Like this one! X3 Please enjoy this poem (it's more of a song...but oh well...XD) I wrote ... and please do reply! :nervous: (Gee...I sound desperate) I'm open for criticisms, too! ^__^

    I am jealous but I don't want to be

    It?s in my mind and you know I can?t forget

    Am I the only one and it?s kinda stuck in my head
    Must I keep thinking of that stupid song that they sang?

    Just the same old line over and over again
    Every note they made irritated me out of my mind
    Always the same message that they try to imply
    ?Love hurts,? yeah whatever I don?t care
    Of all the songs why do they like it?
    Unless everyone is crazy or it?s just me
    Simply because I?m sick and tired of romance

    But you know I try not to be
    Unless of course you want me to hurt myself
    These thoughts won?t go away, I must confess

    It?s in my mind again and you know I can?t forget

    Do they only have one song, because I?m getting tired of it
    Oh of all things, why this horrible feeling?
    ?No one has ever felt true love without true jealousy?
    Tell me please that I never felt true love before

    Wishing I wasn?t but I couldn?t seem to deny it
    All I wanted to do is to be your friend
    Never did I intended to be like this
    To be a jealous lover, I know you have no time for this

    Thinking of you and your newly found lover
    Oh I wanted to leave you alone but I can?t seem to do that

    But nowadays I can only think of one thing:
    ?Everything will be alright?

    I am jealous but I don?t want to be
     
    *is caught reading the poem* xD;

    I <3 ed it, 'specially the conflict 'tween Man vs Self. I loved how you wrote various reasons, explaining the protagonist's feelings, and the last verse was just beautiful. It describes how all of us feels sometimes. n___n

    Great job! xD *worships*
     
    Awws, you're plenty popular around here! At least to me ya are. XD *glomps*

    This poem was a good one along with your other works. ^^ I have one suggestion, you need to use puncuation more. If you've noticed, in my poems and any other poem, there should be commas, colons, semi-colons, periods, etc. at the end of each line. This really helps when it comes to the flow of a poem. ^___^

    Well, this poem was really neat. ^o^ It made you think of what love is truly about. It seems as though there are stages of love. First, you fall hopelessly in love and feel as though this is just the happiest feeling of all. But then love turns to heartbreak and sorrow, as you are cast into a world that you yourself have never been to before.

    Jealousy seems to be yet another stage of love. For after denial of not loving your 'true love' anymore after how much hurt they had caused you, you become jealous over them, only showing that your feelings about them are just as strong as they ever have been. ^^

    Weeee, great work Niko! *huggles and snuggles* Yet another awsome poem. ^^

    ~Kelsey
     
    Thanks everyone! X3
    Thanks Kelsey-mommy! XD *huggles back*

    I'm surprised no one has noticed that the poem is in acrostic form... ^^;;
     
    <3 *huggles and snuggles Niko* Well, as I have always said, I'm always gonna be one to notice them, for not only are your poems so enchanting and beautiful, but I'm in here a lot, so it'd be hard for me to miss it. XD

    ~Kelsey
     
    oni flygon said:
    Thanks everyone! X3
    Thanks Kelsey-mommy! XD *huggles back*

    I'm surprised no one has noticed that the poem is in acrostic form... ^^;;
    Click to expand...
    Well mothers do know best.I like the poem very much Oni.And you are very popular around Pokecommunity.Youre a well like mod.I could see that the poem is really based on your emoition.
     
    oni flygon said:
    Really? XD
    I don't know if I can be that popular... XD
    Click to expand...
    Stop being negative.You are liked.Like look at your fan club,rep,buddy list.You are liked but if you are nevative like right now,mabye you should make a poem on it.
     
    My fan club died, my rep is disabled, and my buddy list hasn't been updated for a year...>.>

    XD

    But you're right...I shouldn't be all pesisimistic and stuff...^^
     
    0_o, ub3rly long, makes me want to stop reading, but i enjoyed it, great job.
     
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