i am

[protoman]

ok here is a poem i just made

I am Poem​

I am a brave worrier
I wonder if my dreams will come true
I hear the metal hitting one another in a black smith?s yard
I see thousands of soldiers in front of me
I want two swords
I am a brave worrier

I pretend that I am a twin bladder clad in only a chine mail, in front of an army
I feel the sweat running down my body
I touch the souls of people when I am not battling
I worry I mit die in battle
I cry when a loved one dies
I am a brave worrier

I understand people risk their lives others
I say that everyone as a destiny
I dream the world will be free from evil
I try to make my dreams come true
I hope the world will be free of evil even if it is for a short time
I am a brave worrier​

[edit] i have to do it for english and i wont to see what people think of it

 

[Sumomo & Kotoko]

Its really good.I give it an A.= ))

 

[darkblastoise89]

'sokay... bad spelling and some bad grammer but it makes since to me to the point where i like it, just needs to be edited and refined like a rough diamond...

 

[Finglonger]

well er I always try to be honest when I look at poetry and to put it bluntly I didn't like this piece at all. It was vague, poorly executed, and yeah. I really didn't like the premise at all it was really cliche to say the least.


"I am a brave worrier
I wonder if my dreams will come true
I hear the metal hitting one another in a black smith's yard
I see thousands of soldiers in front of me
I want two swords
I am a brave worrier"

-so many problems I don't know where to start x_x. This is nonsenscial at best, but even poems about nonsense are interesting this is just bland and uninspiring. eh yeah every line here has something wrong with it, and I'm just too lazy to try and fix it.


"I pretend that I am a twin bladder clad in only a chine mail, in front of an army
I feel the sweat running down my body
I touch the souls of people when I am not battling
I worry I mit die in battle
I cry when a loved one dies
I am a brave worrier"

-this one is almost as bad..... the diction helps a little bit, but not much. so basically the same comments as the last stanza.

meh this is a good first attempt. emphasis on the word attempt. I really think that you could do better, my suggestion: toss this and start over again with a new premise.

 

[protoman]

hey thxs for the commets and i dont care if they were bad but i am bad and i mean bad at poems