I wish I could tell you how much I love you...(contestshipping)Rating:PG

[Water Pokemon Rule!]

This is my first fic, i hope you enjoy reading it and please comment on it.

-------Chapter 1--------
In a thick lush forest, a teenage girl was trying to find her way through the thicket. She had brown hair tied up in a red bandana. She wore an outfit matching her bandana. She held a brand new PokéNav. It was her birthday present. She had finally turned 15. She was headed for Johto. Johto was a glorious region with just-opened contest facilities. The girl was mad about contests. She had come close to winning the Hoenn and Kanto Grand Festivals. Her rival, Drew, who was a green-haired guy a year older, beat her.


As she was thinking about Johto, she tripped over a protruding tree root and fell hard. She had grazed her knee. "Ouch", she cried as she reached into her fanny pack. "I should be more careful, Ash and Brock aren't travelling with me anymore." As she took a plaster out and put it on her knee, she thought of all of the good times she had travelling around Hoenn and Johto. She stood up and brushed herself off. Her PokéNav bleeped. This signalled that it was close to its destination: New Bark Town. The girl picked it up and started running towards the west. Five minutes later, she started running back from where she came. She had held the PokéNav upside down.


After running for several minutes, she stopped at a big sign. It read: New Bark Town, where new beginnings blow. Below it was some graffiti. It said: Ash waz here. The girl smiled. She started walking towards the town.


Tall buildings surrounded her as she walked into a busy town. She headed straight for the Pokémon Center. She needed to register into the Johto Contest Association. She handed her contest pass to the receptionist. The receptionist was an elderly woman. As she typed in the girl's details she finally realised whom the girl was. "Excuse me", she asked, " are you THE May? I'm a big fan of yours; you just make sure you win the Grand Festival for me." She handed the contest pass back to May. Behind her a voice said, "May, I'm surprised to see you here." May turned around quickly, there stood a tall, green-haired teen. May's heart melted. "Oh my god" she whispered, "he has become so fit…"
"Did you say something May?" Drew asked.
"Oh, I was just wondering if you had improved since the last Grande Festival." May answered. Then she blushed. She was never good at lying. "I've got to go Drew", May said quickly as she ran out of the Pokémon Center leaving Drew curious about her rushed exit. "Aww…young love" muttered the elderly receptionist under her breath.


Drew was stunned by the hurried exit. The May he knew would have argued a lot more. He strolled over to the counter where the elderly receptionist was sat behind. He handed his contest pass to her. As she typed in the details into her computer, she said, "You love her don't you" Drew blushed.
"No" he replied, but inside he knew he did.
"You should tell her", the receptionist advised, "After all anything can happen when you take a chance." She handed him back his pass. "Good luck with the contest tomorrow." She added as Drew started walking out of the building. "Thanks", he replied.

As he walked through the busy town centre, he thought of all that he had been through with May: Mirage Island, contests, Grand Festivals. He had lost the chance of being in the top 4 after being beaten by her. He had tried not to hold back but the moment she stepped on stage, her beauty entranced him. He held back a bit too much and lost the battle, but seeing her happy after the battle made his disappointment fade away.

The sun was setting over New Bark Town. May wearily trudged back to the Pokémon Center with a few bags. She had been shopping to take her mind off the afternoon's events. She was just walking towards the elevators. The elevator shutters open and the green-haired coordinator walked out. May quickly dived behind a potted plant. As Drew walked past, May tried to conceal herself as well as possible. Drew walked out of the Pokémon Center with Roselia following close behind. Nurse Joy, who was doing an evening patrol around the Center noticed May and asked," May I ask what are you doing behind that plant?"
"Oh, I was just umm… umm…. checking on the soil content." May answered nervously, " You look after your plants well Nurse Joy, umm...I'll be off to my room now…umm...well see ya!" May ran quickly towards the elevator. She stopped in front of it and pressed a red button sticking out of the wall. The elevator arrived quickly. May stepped in. The elevator doors closed. She pressed the button for floor 12. She watched as the elevator passed several floors. Then, the lights flickered and went out. The elevator shuddered and stopped. She started to panic. She pressed the intercom button frantically but the button did not light up. May was trapped.

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Well I hope you liked it.

 

[Water Pokemon Rule!]

-------Chapter 2------

May started to panic. She didn't know what to do. She tried not to panic but her attempts were unsuccessful. He heart was beating as fast as a running Arcanine. She took several deep breaths and tried to think what her friends would do in this situation.


A few minutes passed and May sat down in the elevator and tried to think of a plan.
A sleepy bulbasaur released itself from its pokéball. It noticed a little trap door in the ceiling of the elevator. It extended a vine from the back of its bulb and tapped May gently on her shoulder. "Huh...what's up bulbasaur?" May asked the little Pokémon. It pointed towards the trap door. "Oh! Well spotted bulbasaur." She exclaimed. "Use vine whip on it!" Bulbasaur's vines extended at a powerful speed. They stopped just in front of the trap door. Bulbasaur gently lifted up the little panel. May released her Beautifly. " Beautifly! Take the…elevator…shaft!" May said, as she released it. "Beautifly, fly up through the hole and go get help!" Beautifly answered with a cry. It flapped its shimmering wings. It reached the top of the elevator shaft: floor 12, used silver wind on the shutters and blew open the doors.


Beautifly glided slowly through the corridor. As she turned the corner, she collided into an expensive vase. The vase fell off its stand. Beautifly quickly shot out some silk from its mouth and she caught the vase just before it hit the ground. She returned it back to where it was standing minutes ago. She then remembered May was still in the elevator shaft so she glided on in search of help. She came across a door with the lights still on. Beautifly started tackling the door. The door finally opened as Beautifly charged towards the door. The door opened fully and Beautifly charged through it and fell on the bed inside and rolled, she hit the end of the bed. A concerned teen started walking towards her. Beautifly, dazed, tried to stand up. The teen had a familiar voice. Beautifly knew that the voice could be trusted. She used string shot on the guy's arm and started dragging the green-haired teen towards the elevator shaft.

~ A few minutes later~ ~ ~

"May!" The guy shouted down the shaft. May looked up towards him.
"Joshua! "May gasped. She hasn't seen him for ages!
"I'll go get help" he replied, "I don't have any Pokémon that can help you!" Joshua ran off. "I'll be right back!"

~A few more minutes later~~

Joshua returns with a very sleepy looking Drew and the Pokémon Center's cookie jar.
"I got help!" shouted Joshua, showering May with cookie crumbs.
"I'm in a crisis and you get cookies?!" May fumed.
"Uhh…I'm going back to bed!" Joshua shouted. Drew started to take charge of the situation. "Get your bulbasaur to lift you out of the lift with a vine whip!" Bulbasaur understood and didn't need prompting. She lifted her out with a strong vine. Drew released his Flygon. "Flygon! Fly down there and get May and her Bulbasaur." Flygon obeyed his command and soon the girl and her Pokémon were standing next to Drew. Both May and Drew called back their Pokémon and started walking down the corridor. When they reached May's room, the said their goodnights. May searched through her fanny pack for her room key. She couldn't find it anywhere. "Drew! She shouted. "I've left my room key in the elevator!" Drew turned around quickly.
"Well, it's too late to get it now. Why don't you bunk into my room for tonight?" May agreed.

Drew opened the door to his suite. They both walked in. Drew shut the door. "I'm really tired." He said. "I'm gonna sleep early tonight." He took off all his clothes except for his boxers. He then crawled into bed. May, stunned by Drew's body stared at him. He looked at her and May blushed. She turned away, but soon turned back and said, "If you take the bed, where do I sleep?"
Drew replied quickly, "On the floor, you should be lucky you're not sleeping in the corridor." May scowled and unrolled her sleeping bag. She was tired after the day's events so she fell asleep quickly.

~ ~ Next morning~ ~

May yawned as she stretched out wide. She stood up and noticed that Drew had packed up and left. On his bed was a note. It read:


Dear May,

You snore like a Grumpig. It's the contest today. See you there.

Love,

Drew


Attached to the letter was a blue rose. May picked it up and put it into her fanny pack.
She walked out of the Pokémon Center and headed to the contest hall. May entered the contest with her Squirtle. She started her appeal with a water pulse. This created a wave of water. She then continued with a waterfall attack. She then gracefully commanded her squirtle to use an ice beam on the water pillar squirtle had made. Squirtle balanced on the frozen pillar and stuck a pose. The audience loved it, they seemed to cheer endlessly. The judges seemed to enjoy the performance as much as the audience. "Remarkable!" exclaimed one of the judges. May and Squirtle received 29.9 for their efforts. The rest of the appeals went smoothly. There was only one person that bested her score. The coordinator was: Drew. The match-up board muddled up the semi-finalists. The match-ups were:

Amy v Wred
May v Drew

As the announcer announced the match-ups, May's heart sank; she didn't want to face Drew so early. She started to pace the locker room, while the match between Amy and Wred started.
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feel free to comment on it

 

[Water Pokemon Rule!]

- Chapter 3--- ---

On the main stage, Amy released a fierce-looking Makuhita that was slightly bigger than normal. Wred released an odd-looking Pokémon too. It was a Machop with an evil look. Its muscles were unhealthily overgrown. A bell rang as the two odd-looking Pokémon attacked each other with savage attacks. "Makuhita! Arm Thrust!" Amy screeched. The two Pokémon were attacking each other viciously, then all of a sudden, Makuhita turned to the audience, and jumped into the seats and started attacking the audience, Machop pivoted and faced the judges with a cold, evil stare. Vivian, the announcer, screamed and shouted, "These Pokémon are not normal, they're shadow Pokémon!" Wred suddenly ripped off his clothes revealing a pink leotard. "Uh-oh…I forgot to change from my ballet outfit!" Wred blushed and headed towards the locker rooms. Amy whipped off her coat, there was a uniform underneath with the logo: CR. Wred came sprinting back with his uniform on. Amy and Wred had matching uniforms. "We have no time for stupid mottos!" Wred started.
"They're a waste of time like Santa's Grotto!" Amy finished.
" We're Cipher Rockets and we hate mottos!" They both shouted. May looked up at the screen. Amy and Wred stood on the battle stage with an evil look on their face. They had the evil look on their face. They're eyes suddenly changed colour. They spoke with a robotic voice, "Hand over your Pokémon. Or else."
"Or else what?" said Drew in a cool voice. He flicked his hair from over his eyes. He had on a blue t-shirt with a black jacket over it. The jacket had a yellow stripe on it. He held in his hand a pokéball. "Makuhita! Attack that insolent child!" screeched Amy. "Drew! Watch out!" May screamed as the hyperactive Makuhita charged. A quick flick of the wrist and Drew's Absol popped out of its pokéball. It appeared with a fierce cry. "Razor Wind lets go!" Drew commanded without any signs of panic. Absol roared as it attacked the Makuhita ferociously. The force of the attack blew Makuhita back. It crashed in a crumpled heap at the back of the stage. "Machop! Shadow Blitz!" Wred screamed. A purple aura appeared around Machop as it charged towards May. "May!" shouted Drew. May turned around to see the charging Pokémon. "I got this one covered Drew!" May replied confidently. May released a pumped-up looking Blaziken from its pokéball. "Blaze Kick, Blaziken! Show them what you're made of!" A ball of flames burst from Blaziken's foot. Blaziken raised its foot and delivered a powerful kick into Machop. It flew back at an incredible speed. It crashed into the evil trainers, sending them flying through a window in the ceiling. They disappeared into the sky with a twinkle. At that moment, Officer Jenny arrived on her police-bike. "What's going on here?" She demanded. Nurse Joy explained what had happened. "So, they introduced themselves as Cipher Rocket?" Officer Jenny asked Nurse Joy. "Yes, they did. What are your thoughts Officer?" Nurse Joy replied. " What I think is 'Cipher' from Orre has joined with 'Team Rocket' this is bad. I'll have to inform the Chief." She said in a serious tone, she then softened as she turned towards May and Drew. "Good work guys! We could use you on the force." They both blushed at the comment.

After a short break, everyone piled back into the contest hall. Everyone fell silent, as they wanted to hear what the announcer had to say. "Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, I would like to apologise for any inconveniences caused this afternoon. I am sorry but we will have to continue our contest tomorrow. Instead of being a semi-final match, the match between May and Drew will be the final match. I'm sorry but tickets have to be re-bought for the final. I hope you all have a good evening and I hope to see you all tomorrow."

The sun was setting as May looked out over the port in New Bark Town. She thought about the day's events. Suddenly, there was a voice behind her; "It was a hectic day today, wasn't it May? She whirled around quickly and saw a tall green-haired boy wearing exactly the same clothes as he did in the afternoon. "Drew?" May asked, "I'm surprised to see you here."
"I'm just taking an evening stroll. So May, are you ready for tomorrow?" Drew asked. "Ummmm…I think I'll be ok." May replied.
"I'm heading back to the Pokémon centre, May. I've booked a separate room for you." Nurse Joy will give you it. "See you later May," he said as he flicked his hair. "Catch." He said as he threw an orange rose. He walked off and left May wondering as to what the rose was for.
____

 

[Water Pokemon Rule!]

-----Chapter 4-----

As the sun rose over New Bark Town, A few Hoothoot were retiring back to their nest. A Spinarak scuttled up a tree. In a room in the local Pokémon Center, a brunette teenage girl was sleeping. On the floor beside her bed lay a few snoozing Pokémon. There was a knock on the door and a soft voice said, "May, you need to wake up soon if you want to get to the finals in time!"
The girl groaned and said sleepily, "Five more minutes dad…" It wasn't long before she started snoring again.

Meanwhile, over at the contest hall, people were piling in through the doors trying to purchase tickets. A police motorbike was parked outside the hall. "Can everyone please line up in an orderly fashion." Officer Jenny told the crowd. "You, yes you with the big hair! Get back in line!" A man with a brown Afro trudged to the back of the line. Contests have become increasingly popular in Johto. Everyone would try as hard as possible to get their hands on tickets. The main entrance of the contest hall was in a state of chaos.

Back at the Pokémon centre, May was still snoozing. Skitty let itself out of its pokéball. Skitty realised that her trainer was late for an important match. It then noticed that her trainer was still asleep and snoring as loud as a snorlax so it used doubleslap on May. May woke abruptly screaming Drew's name. May realised that her Skitty was staring at her, wondering what on earth had just happened. May blushed and said, "I'm sorry Skitty, I didn't mean to scare you." Skitty replied with a faint purr. "Oh no! I'm late for the contest!" May shrieked. She quickly changed into her usual outfit and rushed out of the room. A few seconds, she returned, "Almost forgot these" she said to herself as she picked up her pokéballs. She ran down the winding stairs. She avoided taking elevators now, because of what happened a few days ago. She borrowed a pokécenter bike and headed for the contest hall.

A puffed-out and panting May reached the contest hall. She propped the bike up against the wall and rushed into the hall. She quickly dumped her stuff in a locker in the changing rooms. She ran towards the main hall. As she was running she collided with a door. As she regained her balance, she noticed a sign on the door that said, "PULL", as she was running, she tried pushing the doors at high speed. May pulled open the glass doors and the main hall opened up in front of her, there was an eager screaming crowd, the judges were waiting for her. Drew was stood in the centre of the stage. The announcer, Katherine was stood beside him. "Due to his opponent not being here, I declare Drew…. Oh, hi May! Pleased to see you, the match will continue! Both trainers please take to the stage." Both trainers ran up the steps on either side of the stage. They both had a pokéball in hand, waiting for the judges to be ready. "Drew, May, begin when you're ready!" shouted the head judge.

"Oh, I'm ready, ready to cream you May!" shouted Drew as he threw his pokéball high in to the air. A butterfree appeared on stage with a shimmering powder scattering over the stage. On the other side of the stage, a brown furry fox-like Pokémon appeared on stage. "Butterfree! Silver Wind!" Drew commanded. The butterfly Pokémon gracefully aimed a forceful attack at the little Evee. May reacted quickly, "Dodge it, and use Double Team!" Evee obeyed with a cry. Many copies of Evee created a ring, surrounding Butterfree. Drew's Butterfree glanced around and tried locating the real Evee. "Butterfree! Bug Upheaval!" Butterfree attacked a clone. It disappeared. "Evee quickly! Shadow ball!!" The real Evee shot a round purple orb from its mouth. It collided with butterfree's attack with a big bang. The two Pokémon were thrown back. As the smoke cleared, both Pokémon were panting. Both Pokémon were covered in dust. Both Pokémon faced each other. Butterfree descended from midair with a crash. "Butterfree is down for the count! May and Evee have won the New Bark Contest! Please join me to collect your ribbon!"

Outside, once everything had quietened down, May was signing autographs. There were lots of fans surrounding her. There was a person in front of her that looked strangely familiar. She had long purple hair. She was wearing a white t-shirt and a pink skirt. "Harley?" May asked.
"I'm not Harley silly!" came the reply, "I'm Haley. Hmm… You know Harley? He's my twin brother!" Have you seen him about?"
"Not lately" answered May, "Not since the Hoenn Grande Festival."

A tall green haired boy ran up to the crowd, panting profusely, "Hey girls! You're fans of famous trainers aren't you?" the girls nodded as a reply, "I've just seen Wallace, Hoenn Champion in town!" The girls giggled and ran towards the town centre. "Really?" asked May.
"No silly, that was just a distraction! I came here to talk to you. You did great in the battle just now. I was surprised. You deserve that ribbon. And since its nearly Christmas, I'm here to give you a gift." The cold weather froze May. She didn't know what was going on. Soft white flakes floated down from the sky. Drew pressed a pink rose into May's hand. He leaned closer to May and whispered, "Happy Christmas, May" and he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. Drew immediately ran off after that, leaving May stunned.

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[.Bastion]

I'm a little pressed for time right now, so I'll go over your first chapter.

In the first two paragraphs, you have a very redundant use of the word 'she'. You can actually use May's name so 'She' isn't used in every sentence.

In a thick lush forest, a teenage girl was trying to find her way through the thicket. She had brown hair tied up in a red bandana.

You're putting too much in this one sentence. Even though the sentence isn't long, there's too much happening here. You can go into multiple sentences describing the setting, and then follow it up with a description of May. Right now you just crammed a possible paragraph into one sentence.

Throughout the story I also noticed you have a tendency to use small sentences. For example:

She held a brand new PokéNav. It was her birthday present. She had finally turned 15.

This can easily be changed into one sentence and it will overall sound less choppy. Like: 'May used her Pokenav, which she had recieved as a birthday present not too long ago, to find her next route to Johto.' Definitely not the best example, but again you had alot of information. You can either combine the shorter sentences into one or you can add more description and spread the information into a couple of sentences.

Those were the main points I thought you should work on. If you have any questions, PM me. =D

 

[DemonPrince]

Amy v. Werd? anagrams of

May v Drew

Otherwise, it was good

 

[Taemin]

Nice.

I don't have time to read all of it right now, but I did read the first chapter, I noticed what 'Key' pointed out as well, but she already covered it.
So with that aside, it was pretty good.

 

[carter756978]

Drew didn't beat may in the kanto grand festival

 

[Craig²]

It's good. I like it. ^____^ ~

 

[UltimatePIkachuFan]

This story is great so far.