Introversion

[Enpatsu Shakugan]

As is pretty well known, most people who frequent the internet and talk mostly online are almost always introverted. Not always, but it's generally a vast majority.

In any case, it could be generational (young people are far more likely to be online than someone older, regardless of personality type), physical (ie, anxiety or other such disorders) or just preference that online is just more enjoyable than real life.

So for anyone either wants to talk more about their own stories facing their introversion or anyone with questions about it, this is the point of this topic.


Here's what's been bothering me, or that I've been dealing with. I'm introverted by nature; I might come across perhaps even an ambivert at times, with how opinionated and talkative I am, both online and off; I can generally make friends and be in, albeit small, social situations generally without issue, but I feel I'm 70/30 at best. Introverted being the majority. I don't like huge groups of people, hate public speeches and performances, and greatly dislike being grilled for information by those I have no desire to share myself. Then I shut down like a vice.

What's interesting is, I befriended a shop owner a few years back; a leather shoe place and while the guy, let's call him by boss, is charming and talks to a lot of people, he's also, I've noticed, a bit narrow-minded and even hypocritical at times in his worldview.

I befriended him to such an extent (or impressed him with what I've done on my own working with my hands), that he's allowed me to internship at the shop and learn the trade of cobbling and other such things, and just hang out. And while that's nice, here's the point I mean about narrow-mindedness.

Being at the shop has greatly assisted me socially, even as unpleasant as it used to be. The thing about him was... he's used to dealing with a certain type of person. The kind who frequent the world and are like him; these are his friends, his girlfriends, almost everyone he knows. In his mind, the world is still as it was in 1981.

I have a feeling I was probably the first introvert he's ever gotten to know on a more personal level. He and I have discussed my own shortcomings and working through them, but I don't think it's possible for him to understand what it actually means to be an introvert.
What he doesn't get is, an introvert's personality can and will change depending on outside circumstances. IE, we will go into defense mode and all but shut down or other such things when put in a situation that is threatening.

To him, because everyone in his world is just like him, and as an extrovert, he always acts the same way in any situation, with anyone. And that's fine; that's just the way he works, but he seems to think that's the only way for someone normal to act.

Thus he comes across as wholly incapable of understanding my duality in certain situations and why sometimes I get very put off by his crass nature that begins to border on aggressive. He's very blunt and hard to swallow, but it's made me think at how some people might view introversion as a literal mental disorder, if only from simply not understanding how other people work. I have no other mental disabilities; I'm not autistic, I grew up pretty normally, it's just that I've always been a bit paranoid and introverted. That's how someone like me would act. Like a cat when cornered in an inescapable situation; they will kill themselves to escape. That's a good way to describe it.

Like, I try to tell him that a whole world he's never seen (remember, 1981 mentality) exists online and he's never come across the people I regularly converse with. We're from different worlds, basically. And what annoys me is, I'm open to his knowledge on his world, but he seems to always brush off the notion that my world, with others like me, or even far far worse off than what he assumes I even am, exists at all, and yet he likes to call me the narrow-minded one.

I'm just wondering if anyone else has dealt with these sort of situations or people, or have been misinterpreted due to your introversion and whatnot.

I think it might be a lot more common than I thought.

 

[Vragon2.0]

As is pretty well known, most people who frequent the internet and talk mostly online are almost always introverted. Not always, but it's generally a vast majority.

In any case, it could be generational (young people are far more likely to be online than someone older, regardless of personality type), physical (ie, anxiety or other such disorders) or just preference that online is just more enjoyable than real life.

So for anyone either wants to talk more about their own stories facing their introversion or anyone with questions about it, this is the point of this topic.

Well I think I'll be the first and whatnot.

So, I think I was always leaning towards introversion and essentially not very social, save for making some close friends (or at least close to me). Then stuff happened with some moving away and another dropping me for other friends, which honestly really hurt me then. I sorta kept from being social due to not wanting to be hurt again by something like that.

It was around the time of 14 when things started to get worse. I started to enjoy being by myself and imagining things, making stories and scenes in my head, or watching tv. I also enjoyed playing games, but the internet activity was restricted. In fact, I can say it wasn't till I was 17 that I'd actually get any real interaction with social media due to a few things I won't go into. Let's just say I look on those years with anger and regret.

Eventually, I just broke down, got very lonely and depressed, guilty about anything and honestly not giving myself any credit. I enjoyed being with my family, but it got to the point where I'd put them above me. I become quiet, distant from others, try to get out of conversations and whatnot.

It was around 18 that I got a job and in it I was miserable (janitor job after all). It didn't really add much save for making my confidence drop more and all that. It wasn't till I got my seconds job that something started to change. Not at first though. I got a job at a fast food place and at first I was quiet "saying yes and no only" The funny thing is the peeps there were really friends and kept trying to talk with me though I tried to not to, but at least being respectful. Like a quite reply or whatnot. It was about 3 months later they broke through me shell and I began to interact with them. Having friends where I could express myself pushed me to experiment. Let my creativity, skills, interests all head out and become much better.

I'm still introverted to a degree, namely at being the center of attention when I don't initiate it or being in a crowd of people. I can be a bit extroverted and a little crazy heh. I make friends a lot better now and use my downwards looking at me to be able to be fine with others, or at least to not jump too much on things.

I've never dated or have had the confidence to, but I've bettered in making friends and being the initiator and while I don't enjoy always holding the end of the stick, I'm much more flexible about it. I interact a lot online (probably more than I should), but namely to learn more about people and expand my world. I'm a college kid right now after all, so I need to push forward in learning more from others and interacting. Not being so introverted or at least find ways to stay away from allowing myself to be isolated and instead push forward out of my comfort zone.

 

[Ninetales]

I've never dated or have had the confidence to, but I've bettered in making friends and being the initiator and while I don't enjoy always holding the end of the stick, I'm much more flexible about it. I interact a lot online (probably more than I should), but namely to learn more about people and expand my world. I'm a college kid right now after all, so I need to push forward in learning more from others and interacting. Not being so introverted or at least find ways to stay away from allowing myself to be isolated and instead push forward out of my comfort zone.

Good for you for bettering yourself. The important thing is that you have made some positive changes and that's something to be proud of. That being said, it's perfectly fine to be introverted. However, when it causes anxiety, feelings of depression, or a lack of confidence is when it becomes an issue. Like most things in life, it's healthy to have somewhat of a balance.

As a kid, I was very meek, shy, and quiet. I was a notorious "goody two-shoes" who was terrified of boys and being disobedient. However, as I became a teenager I continuously began to come out of my shell. I started easily making friends and I developed a much more easygoing personality, rather than being so uptight and rigid. I learned to enjoy laugh, let go, have fun, and be wild.

Now, in my later teenage years, I consider myself to be very extroverted and outgoing. (Despite still having an online presence, I go online a lot less than I did 3-4 years ago, it's now a minor part of my life). My weekends are spent hanging with friends, attending social gatherings, or going to parties. Sometimes, I get rather lonesome when I'm unaccompanied. That being said, I do enjoy being able to do my own thing peacefully, without disruption from others. It is nice to have time to yourself, after all. As I mentioned earlier, balance is important, extremes on either side can be overall detrimental to one's well-being.

Ultimately, self-love is important and whether you're an introvert, and extrovert, or somewhere in the middle, it's important to accept yourself. Of course, we all have goals that we want to achieve, and as long as they're realistic and healthy, there's nothing wrong with that :)

 

[strangerhypno]

Good for you for bettering yourself. The important thing is that you have made some positive changes and that's something to be proud of. That being said, it's perfectly fine to be introverted. However, when it causes anxiety, feelings of depression, or a lack of confidence is when it becomes an issue. Like most things in life, it's healthy to have somewhat of a balance.

As a kid, I was very meek, shy, and quiet. I was a notorious "goody two-shoes" who was terrified of boys and being disobedient. However, as I became a teenager I continuously began to come out of my shell. I started easily making friends and I developed a much more easygoing personality, rather than being so uptight and rigid. I learned to enjoy laugh, let go, have fun, and be wild.

Now, in my later teenage years, I consider myself to be very extroverted and outgoing. (Despite still having an online presence, I go online a lot less than I did 3-4 years ago, it's now a minor part of my life). My weekends are spent hanging with friends, attending social gatherings, or going to parties. Sometimes, I get rather lonesome when I'm unaccompanied. That being said, I do enjoy being able to do my own thing peacefully, without disruption from others. It is nice to have time to yourself, after all. As I mentioned earlier, balance is important, extremes on either side can be overall detrimental to one's well-being.

Ultimately, self-love is important and whether you're an introvert, and extrovert, or somewhere in the middle, it's important to accept yourself. Of course, we all have goals that we want to achieve, and as long as they're realistic and healthy, there's nothing wrong with that :)

Self acceptance and self-love? That's pretty generic advice to give. It's easy for you to accept yourself and for others to accept you but not everyone was born with the same opportunities and chances as you. Accepting yourself is a very hard thing to do when you are born and raised in a way that makes it hard like if you have no friends, no family to give you comfort or no home to live in or you're bullied all your life or etc.

I've had people tell me to accept myself, when those supposed friends don't even accept me. Life isn't that simple that a little self love and acceptance will work. It's a generic and frankly inconsiderate statement that doesn't apply to everyone.

 

[Ninetales]

Self acceptance and self-love? That's pretty generic advice to give. It's easy for you to accept yourself and for others to accept you but not everyone was born with the same opportunities and chances as you. Accepting yourself is a very hard thing to do when you are born and raised in a way that makes it hard like if you have no friends, no family to give you comfort or no home to live in or you're bullied all your life or etc.

I've had people tell me to accept myself, when those supposed friends don't even accept me. Life isn't that simple that a little self love and acceptance will work. It's a generic and frankly inconsiderate statement that doesn't apply to everyone.

Listen, I have overcome various obstacles in my own life that I failed to mention. You're assuming that I have had a near perfect life with a lot of opportunities. When in fact, I suffered from social anxiety for years. It was so bad that I was terrified to leave my house and I had thoughts of suicide. I overcame it, through counselling and I'm proud of all that I've been able to accomplish. You don't know me, what I've endured, or my given situation at all, so please take several seats, sweetheart. If anything's inconsiderate, it's your ignorant remarks.

Yes, and I am very happy in my current state, and I am truly thankful for every blessing I've received. However, it took me a while to get to where I am now.

I wasn't born yesterday, buddy, I know that people aren't all given the same opportunities, and that it's not just easy to love yourself. It is however, possible to come to a place in which you can love and accept yourself. I was simply trying to help. And pretty generic? Excuse me sir, I don't see you offering any sort of advice or encouragement. So, please, with all do respect, back off. Thank you.

 

[twocows]

The funny thing is that I started off life as an extrovert, became an introvert, and now I'm somewhere in the middle (though I lean slightly extrovert now).

I became introverted largely because of my experiences in junior high. Kids are jerks, and what's worse is they usually don't realize it. Kids are like sociopaths that slowly grow into decent human beings (or don't, in some cases). I was like that too, I'm not going to lie. Doesn't change the fact that I got it as bad as I gave it and then some. That's why I empathize a lot with kids in that kind of situation; I get how hard it is and how a lot of times people see you as the bad guy even when you're the one taking crap. It sucks.

I eventually started becoming more extroverted again as the people around me started being less crappy, but I still find it a lot harder to deal with people I don't know in an offline environment (I'll talk the ears off of people I'm familiar with, though).

Self acceptance and self-love? That's pretty generic advice to give.

I'm sure you've got some heavy things to deal with; a lot of people do, myself included, so I can understand that. And I get that you might find what the other person said to be unhelpful or even annoying. In that case, just ignore it; don't be rude about it. Nobody here's trying to force advice on you, we're just talking with each other and sharing our experiences. Maybe what worked for someone else won't work for you; that's fine, it might resonate with someone else. I don't think someone sharing their experience is inconsiderate, but I think giving them a hard time for it is.