Ivysaur's Writers Block And Other Poetic Creations

[ivysaur'swritersblock]

I TOTALLY messed up on my first thread. Geez, I placed it in the wrong place, and made the mistake of doing it all wrong. (Guess I'm still LatiLover, the n00b who always double posted. I'll never learn *sigh*)

The poems are, to save space, inside spoiler tags.

So now it's redone, hopefully right.

My First Poem(s)


Ivysaur's Writers Block

Spoiler:

Writing.

How do you do it?

Does it have a certain structure, a certain blend?

Do you keep on going? Does it always end?

Thinking of ideas causes some delay.

And if you catch writers block, you'll be here all day. [note]Edit: With writers block stopping you, anyway.[/note]

Just let your imagination flow free and smooth.

Let it be wild and crazy.

Let it be free.

Let me.

Write.

The Day I Went to the Ocean

Spoiler:

The ocean breeze floated down.

And the sun glowed upon my crown.

In case you don't know, that's a word for head.

And I mean to write about the ocean instead.

I ran down, dashing across the sand.

I had been traveling for days on land.

Just as I was to reach the water.

I got caught, by the farmers daughter.

How I was so very sad.

To be in a Pokeball, not on the beach, glad.

Love

Spoiler:

Love

What can true love be?

Can it be sitting, cozy, by a fire during a harsh, bleak winter storm?

Can it be swimming in the cool, clear ocean in a hot summers day?

Can it be winning battle after battle, defeating Pokemon again and again?

It can be,

The fun memories of all these, spent with your special partner.

Your Trainer.

School

Spoiler:

School is the worst.

I hate every day.

Unless I'm with friends,

I somehow pull through that way.

It's amazing what I can do,

I do homework... (sometimes) what about you?

[Like them? Tell me in the comments! I'll put even more up later!]

(Did I do it right, bro?)

 

[Oryx]

Your poetry is very reminiscent of Shel Silverstein poems. I like it! I liked the order of the poems on the page as well, although that's generally not very noticed. You started with a poem about how to get rid of writer's block, which I thought was quite clever.

Ivysaur's Writer's Block
I like the rhythm of this poem. It can be difficult to pull off a poem that has different line lengths in it, but you managed it quite well in my opinion. The only problem I have is with lines 5 and 6 - I'm not sure exactly what the issue is but there's something awkward there. I'm leaning towards the problem being with line 6, as it's a tad long and doesn't say much that adds to the poem itself.

The Day I Went to the Ocean
I was super into this poem, the rhythm, the rhyme, the story of it, the cute sidenote, up until the farmer's daughter. That came out of nowhere and didn't seem to fit in with the rest of the poem at all. I think if you started with the action instead of "I was caught", then it would be less surprising, as well as not specifying that it's "the farmer's daughter", since we don't know the farmer and we certainly don't know his daughter.

Love
This somewhat deviates from your style, and I'm not sure I like it as much as the others. It seems to rely on repetition, which is really tough to work with and didn't end up too well. I think the poem itself would work better if you took out the "with your trainer" at the end of each line, since the last line stipulates that all was done with the trainer anyway.

School
This poem is a bit short for my tastes. I feel like it could have said a lot more but instead you focused on the surface and not underneath. The rhythm is nice though, excepting line 4 which is a tad long. The only other thing I would change is to add an ellipsis (...) in the middle of the last line. Maybe it's just me but I think that would look better.

 

[ivysaur'swritersblock]

Thanks for the reply!

I really like your feedback, its very detailed and such.

I'm going to leave the farmers daughter in so it still rhymes, because sometimes poems don't need to make sense :)

I'll edit some of them as well.

What should I right next? Like, give me a topic or something.

 

[Oryx]

If I give you a topic, it won't come from your heart! You have to write about something you're inspired by, otherwise it just sounds forced :P