Jhoto Adventure

Neiko Star

Dancing rain
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    Years
    • Seen Nov 18, 2012
    Chapter One: The Beginning

    The sun was slowly rising over the two hills that towered over Goldenrod City. The sky was turning pink as streaks of light ran across the sky. Somewhere in the sleeping city, however, children everywhere were writhing excitedly in their beds, because this morning, at 9:00 a.m., they would receiver their first Pokemon at Professor Elm's laboratory, located in the great center of the city.

    Though dawn had barely risen, it seemed like every inhabitant of Goldenrod was awake. There was one house in particular that seemed like it was ready to depart on an adventure. It was a large, old-fashioned house made of pure white marble. Its roof was made of brownish red tiles neatly placed on top of each other, and its countless windows were all lighted up.

    Suddenly, one of the windows on the top floor burst open. A young girl was standing behind it, leaning her face out of the open window, with a delighted expression on her face, as though fresh air was a blessing.

    "Deli!"

    The young girl turned around. A Delibird was standing besides her, pulling at the end of her nightgown.

    "I guess you're right," Vera Sandrilene said with a sigh, closing the window.

    "Deli, deli," the Delibird nodded approvingly.

    "Well, get out of here, I'm going to change now," Vera told it.

    The Delibird looked as though it wouldn't mind seeing her change, but Vera threw it a sharp look and it trotted out of the room grudgingly.

    "Pervert," Vera muttered under her breath. She walked to her closet and took out the outfit she had carefully picked out the night before. A white blouse, a plaided brown skirt and a pale green buttoned-on sweater. She quickly threw on these clothes, pulled on her long white socks and looked into the mirror. She had long, waist-length, wavy dark brown hair, a slim, tall figure and golden brown eyes. She hastily brushed her hair a bit, then put on a sparkly green headband that matched her sweater.

    "Deli delibi?"

    A furry white head poked out from the doorway.

    "Yeah, I'm done," Vera said irritately. I bet you wished I wasn't, though.

    The Delibird seemed to guess her thoughts since it widened its eyes and disappeared behind the doorway.

    I'm only ten, she thought stubbornly as she stepped into the hallway. Why do I have to deal with this?

    She skipped down the stairs and halted to a stop at the sight of her mother standing on the bottom step, her hands on her hips, wearing an apron.

    "How many times have I told you not to skip down the stairs?" asked Cecilia Sandrilene impatiently.

    "One hundred and seventy-two times," Vera answered automatically.

    Mrs. Sandrilene raised her eyebrows, but she seemed used to her daughter's behaviour. "Breakfast is ready. Come down and eat before it gets cold. And no skipping !" she added warningly.

    Vera did as she was told, and marched into the kitchen to find a plate of bacon and fried eggs waiting for her. She hurriedly gulped down her mother's delicious cooking with some milk, put the plate and the glass in the sink with a slight crash (Vera!) and ran back upstairs for some extra studying.

    Two hours and a half later, she came back down the stairs, skipping of course (VERA!), quickly put on some black leather shoes, and rushed outside, shouting a good-bye to her mothers as she slammed the door shut. (VERA!)

    Normally, it would be dangerous to let a ten-year-old wander alone in a huge city like Goldenrod. But Vera's house was right on the street facing the one Elm's lab was on, so the only danger would be that she collided with an early delivery truck while crossing the street, which was highly unlikely.

    As she arrived in front of the lab, Vera noticed that she was the first one. All the better for me. I get all the choices.

    She walked up bto the front door and rang the bell. Seconds later, a nerdy-looking scientist's head poked out. He seemed surprised to see Vera.

    "I'm here for my Pokemon," Vera stated boldly.

    "Er...well," the scientist seemed to be at a loss for words. "You see, you're an hour early..."

    "I don't care," Vera answered right away.

    The scientist raised his eyebrows and said awkwardly, "Well, then...follow me...". He opened the door ajar.

    Vera followed the scientist into the laboratory, which she remarked smelled a lot like peanut butter, careful to peek inside any door that was open. She saw several interesting machines in one room, including a Playstation 3.

    "Yes, well, um...we don't generally show that to, er, public," the scientist said hastily, banging the door shut.

    "Do you play Super Mario Sunshine?" Vera asked him interestedly.

    He turned a deep shade of scarlet.

    I'll take that, she thought happily, as a yes.

    Finally, they reached a corridor with only one room at the end, where the scientist quickly told Vera to wait a moment, and he hurried into the room Vera guessed must be Elm's office.

    While she was waiting, she looked around the hall she was in. The corridor was nearly empty. The walls were bare and there was nothing lying around either. Vera noticed this with great disappointment as the door to the office burst open.

    The scientist came back out, looking flustered, and said, "Er...the Professor is uh...ready to see you...now...."

    Vera followed him inside the room, which she noticed to her delight, was far more interesting than the corridor she had been in. Every inch of the wall was covered in Pokemon pictures, blueprints, and diplomats. There was a small library covered with thick books in the corner. In the center of the room was a large machine. Vera also could not help noticing that, unlike the rest of the lab, this room smelled like pickles.

    A brown-haired man Vera recognized as Professor Elm, due to the constant and annoying publicities that passed on the TV every five minutes, cleared his throat. He adjusted his round glasses in an impressive kind of way and said clearly,

    "Welcome, child. I am Professor Elm. You are here today to receive your first specialized starter Pokemon, which you will keep throughout your whole journey. You will be given the choice, of course. However, due to the demand of the citizens, I have added additional types to the choices. I have to say that I am delighted to receive you here, and I hope that your journey will be successful. Now, I shall demonstrate to you to choices you have."

    He bowed his head in a very professonial manner and waited for Vera's response, looking very pleased with himself.

    "Uh...could you repeat that? Because I didn't understand a word you said," Vera asked, blinking.

    Elm turned scarlet.

    "Well, anyway, that was a very well learnt speech," Vera said, in what she thought was a compliment. "I could see that you learned it by heart very well. Kinda like those speeches in the beginning of the Pokemon video games," she added kindly.

    Elm was now a brilliant shade of mahogany. From that day on, Vera always thought Elm should be in the World's Records book for being able to turn the deepest red.

    "Y-Yes well...kindly choose your Pokemon now, Miss," Elm spluttered, still red.

    "Okay," Vera replied cheerfully.

    The top of the machine opened, revealing seven highly polished, red Pokeballs.

    "Er...right," Elm said, regaining his confidence. "Now, young one, please select your chos--"

    "What?" Vera blinked.

    "Oh, um, ju-just choose your Pokemon," Elm said hastily.

    "'Kay," Vera said. "But...what are in them? Am I supposed to choose by chance or something?"

    Elm blushed again. "Oh, no, um...well, we have Chikorita, Cyndaquil, Totodile, Mareep, Larvitar, Hoothoot and Spinarak."

    "I'll take Larvitar, please," Vera told him happily.

    "Er...right." Elm took one ball from the collection. "Here we go..."

    "Thanks a lot," Vera said delightedly. "I have to go now, bye!"

    And she rushed out of the room, banging the door behind her (VER-oops, never mind), leaving Elm muttering, "I hope they're not all like her..."
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
    Enjoy! :D
     
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    Okay, I know you people are reading this, so can you please at least post a comment?

    Chapter Two: Patience

    Vera ran back across the street (without looking both ways) and back into her house. Her mother
    was waiting for her, sitting on the bottom step of the stairs. Her father, of course had already gone to work. Vera hardly ever saw him except at night, when he came into her room to wish her goodnight.

    "So, how'd it go?" her mother asked her, a worried expression on her face.

    "It was great," Vera said happily. "I followed a scientist into the lab and saw a Playstation 3 and smelled peanut butter and pickles and I got my first Pokemon!"

    Her mother raised her eyebrows slightly. "So which one did you choose?"

    "It was a Lavitor!" Vera exclaimed.

    "A...what?" her mother asked, puzzled.

    "Here, I'll show you," Vera told her, taking out her Pokeball. She clicked it open as a flash of light escaped from it. The light formed into a figure, and seconds later, a small green dinosaur was standing in front of them.

    "A Larvitar?" Mrs. Sandrilene asked, impressed. "That's a very rare Pokemon. Why don't you see what your Pokedex says about it?"

    Vera blinked. "Oops," she said. "I forgot to take my Pokedex and my Pokeballs!"

    Mrs. Sandrilene rolled her eyes. She petted Larvitar on the head as the latter stared curiously at Vera, who was now rushing back towards the door, yelling behind her, "BE RIGHT BACK!" She yanked open the door, ran outside and slammed the door shut (Vera!).

    Cecilia Sandrilene sighed. "She's like that," she told the Larvitar, who was now hidden under her knees, staring at where Vera was a few moments ago. "You'll have to get used to her."

    "Lar..." Larvitar whimpered. It did not seem to appreciate that its new owner was a door slamming, yelling fanatic.

    A few minutes later, Vera returned, clutching a red Pokedex and five Pokeballs. She seemed thoroughly pleased with herself, though Cecilia was not sure the Professor was.

    "I've got the Pokedex, Mom," Vera said, delighted.

    "That's great," Cecilia replied glancing down at the Larvitar, who was eyeing Vera with wide eyes.

    "I'll use it now." Vera opened the Pokedex and pressed the red button, pointing it at Larvitar, who hadn't moved a muscle since Vera's return. A mechanical voice rang out from the device:

    Larvitar, the Rock Skin Pokemon:
    Larvitar is born underground and feeds on soil. This Pokemon eats its way to the surface to see its parents' faces. After it has eaten a large mountain, it falls into a deep sleep and begins the evolutionary process to its evolved state, Pupitar.

    Vera pressed the green button. An image appeared on the Pokedex's screen: it was a Larvitar, traced to a Pupitar with an arrow, traced to a large dinosaur-looking Pokemon, Tyranitar.
    Vera paused, then pressed the blue button. Text appeared on the device's screen:

    Larvitar: lvl. 5 Male - Rock/Ground
    Leer - Bite - Sandstorm
    Timid Nature

    "Wow," Vera said. "That's cool." She turned to the Larvitar. "Okay, Larvitar, we're gonna be partners!"

    Larvitar widened its eyes, and shook its head.

    "What? What do you mean, no?" Vera asked, surprised.

    Larvitar released a number of screeches and bounded towards the kitchen.

    "It seems he doesn't like you," Cecilia said quietly.

    "Why not?" Vera asked questioningly.

    "You heard the Pokedex, his nature is timid. That means shy," she added, to her daughter's puzzled look. "And you were quite noisy when you came back."

    "Oh, so I have to be quiet?" Vera said thoughtfully. "Okay then." She walked into the kitchen to find Larvitar crouched under a chair. Remembering what the Pokedex said about it eating soil (the only thing she understood), she rushed into the backyard and scooped up some dirt. She returned to the kitchen, dropping dirt along the way (VERA!) and put the rest it in a small bowl. She pushed it under the chair. Larvitar backed away.

    "You have to be patient," Cecilia told her daughter. "It's used to the moutains. You have to give him some time."

    So Vera kneeled down in front of the chair and waited. And waited, and waited, and waited...finally, she fell asleep. When she woke up, it was afternoon already, and to her delight, the bowl was now quite clean and spotless. Larvitar was asleep, as curled as his rocky body would allow.

    Vera realized with only slight disappointment that other trainers would have already started their journey. But, as she thought in her opinion, None of them got a Lavitor. I mean a Larvitor. And glancing at the curled figure, she was sure that she had had the best starter of all.
    If only its name could be less complicated to remember. Was it Larvator or Larviter?
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
    I know the chapter's short, but that's all I have to give today. >_>
     
    I believe that it is Johto. My advice, would be to contact Astinus, and have that fixed. Otherwise, the story was really great, I really like Vera's personality.
     
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    I can't see anything wrong with your story, congratulations and keep it up.
    I'll also be keeping tabs on your work.
     
    I got through reading the first part and I enjoyed Vera's attitude toward people, and how you fit in her mother yelling at her 4 times in a sentence. I don't think I would have known a better way to do that.

    they would receiver their first Pokemon at Professor Elm's laboratory, located in the great center of the city.


    She walked up bto the front door and rang the bell.


    A brown-haired man Vera recognized as Professor Elm, due to the constant and annoying publicities that passed on the TV every five minutes, cleared his throat.

    He bowed his head in a very professonial manner and waited for Vera's response, looking very pleased with himself.


    "Well, anyway, that was a very well learnt speech," Vera said, in what she thought was a compliment. "I could see that you learned it by heart very well. Kinda like those speeches in the beginning of the Pokemon video games," she added kindly.

    You know my style, so I won't explain again :P (receive; to; publicity - this is the "plural" form and singular form; professional; learned - not 100% sure, but I don't think the "t" ending is used with "learn" - it's up to you)

    I'll continue reading soon. Try editing your first post and see if it will let you change the Title to "Johto." It's a little bit of a shot in the dark, but it's worth a shot.
     
    I like this story. Your Description is great very realistic and your charcters are very indepth I like it alot im going to keep my eye on this one. ^_^
     
    Since someone posted, I'll now give a review of Chapter 2.

    "That's great," Cecilia replied glancing down at the Larvitar, who was eyeing Vera with wide eyes.

    "You have to be patient," Cecilia told her daughter. "It's used to the moutains. You have to give him some time."

    You know the routine: (eying, mountains) [Honestly, "eyeing' looks right, but spellcheck disagrees :p)

    Remembering what the Pokedex said about it eating soil (the only thing she understood), she rushed into the backyard and scooped up some dirt.

    I discourage the use of parenthesis wherever possible. Most of what you have written is good, considering it would be almost impossible to fit in. You could try something else for this part. If you can't think of anything, just shrug off this comment :P

    I can honestly say that you are the best parenthesis writer I have seen.
     
    Finally, someone notices Natures. ^^

    This is a pretty good story so far. Though the fact that the girl starts off with a rare Pokémon is usually frowned upon, I think you handled it pretty well here. And let's face it; Who doesn't want a Larvitar as their starter?

    You spelled 'Larvitar' and 'Larvitor' quite a few times, but I'm not sure whether this is on purpose to show Vera's cluelessness or you just keep typing O instead of A.

    I'm not going to go onto the grammar, as you did pretty good overall and you already have someone on that. So I'll just say that this is turning out to be pretty intresting and that I'm reading.
     
    Yeah, Vera's pretty clueless. XD The next chapter should be up by tomorrow.
     
    Ok, sounds cool and I will be waiting. ^_^
     
    Chapter Three: Time to Go

    "I still don't understand, sweetie," Cecilia repeated patiently. "Why do you want to go to New Bark Town to start your journey? It would be a lot simpler to start it right here."

    "But Mom," Vera protested. "In the Pokemon video games, you're supposed to start at New Bark Town, since Professor Elm's lab is there in the games, and then you're supposed to go up to Ch--"

    "Fine, fine," Cecilia said, rolling her eyes. "Do as you like. But I still don't think it makes sense."

    "Deli Deli!"

    Delibird waddled across the room. "Deliiiii, deli!" It scolded them. "Deli, deli deli, delii!"

    Larvitar walked over, behind Delibird, and nodded. Its stomach growled loudly.

    "Oh, sorry, Larvitar," Vera said, remembering that Larvitar hadn't had its breakfast yet. "I'll go get you some soil right away." She rushed over to the counter where she opened a large bag, took an empty bowl and shoved some dirt into it. She turned around and thrust it to Larvitar. "There you go."

    Larvitar attacked the dirt delightfully. It wagged its tiny tail back and forth. Over the past week, it had learned to trust Vera and the habitants of the household. In return, Vera had rewarded it by learning its name properly.

    "Lar," Larvitar said happily, plopping down on its behind. The bowl was spotless.

    "Wow, Larvitar, you sure eat fast," Vera said, taking the bowl and crashing it into the sink. (...her mother couldn't yell in front of Larvitar...)

    "Well then, Vera," Mrs. Sandrilene said in an annoyed voice. "You better go pack up. We'll take you to New Bark after lunch."

    "Great!" Vera said cheerfully. She kneeled down in front of Larvitar. "I'll be busy, so go play with Delibird, 'kay?"

    Larvitar nodded and forced itself back on its chubby little legs and ran off, Delibird ahead of it, squealing and screeching happily.

    Vera ran up the stairs, and into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. (After carefully making sure Larvitar was out of earshot...VERA!) She took a small, green knapsack from her desk top and stood in front of her closet.

    I need something that'll make me look like a trainer. But it can't be too fancy, because I don't think Larvitar likes fancy stuff. He doesn't like those magazines he finds in the basement...I know!

    She yanked off several of her clothes from the rack and stuffed them into the knapsack.

    Now I don't have to decide...I'll just wear what I have!

    She glanced at her Poke-belt, which was made to hold Pokeballs and a Pokedex. She left it on her desk, everything carefully put in their right holder.(Mom's work) She stuffed it in. Vera looked around her room, searching for things she might need on her journey. Her gaze fell upon a wallet, that her mother had given her, along with three hundred dollars fitted inside it. She grabbed it, and threw it inside the knapsack along with her clothes and the belt.

    I don't think I'll need anything else...

    She went back downstairs.

    "I'm ready," she announced to her mother, who was busy making lunch.

    "Did you pack your clothes?"

    - Yes.

    - Your wallet?

    - Your belt?

    - Yes.

    - It had everything?

    - Yes.

    - Six Pokeballs?

    - Yes.

    - Pokedex?

    - Yes.

    - All right, then. Go have some fun before lunch.

    - 'Kay.

    Vera ran back up to her room, thinking that if she didn't stop running up and down the stairs, her legs muscles would be giant, and plopped herself on her bed. She closed her eyes and...

    "Lar?"

    Vera opened her eyes. She saw a pair of freakishly big red eyes staring down at her. She blinked.

    "Hi, Larvitar," she said, blinking again. "What are you doing here?"

    "Larvitar," it said.

    "Vera, what are you doing?" Cecilia's voice exclaimed. "Hurry and get up, or don't you want to start your journey anymore?"

    At this, Vera sprang up, hitting her head on Larvitar's rocky one. As she skipped down the stairs (And Cecilia thought that habit was gone...), she thought she saw stars everywhere, but that didn't occupy her much, since she always saw red (for some reason, always on people's faces...), and stars were a nice change of scenery.

    She quickly gulped down her omelette, choking in the process, and waited impatiently as her mother finished hers, hopping from foot to foot, excited at the prospect of going to New Bark Town and finally starting her journey. Larvitar mimicked her, without knowing why, tried hopping on its pudgy little feet, fell down and made a huge dent in the wooden floor.

    This caused Cecilia to finish her lunch at record time, much to Vera's delight. She scooped up Larvitar in her arms and waited excitedly.

    Cecilia took out a Pokeball from her pocket and clicked it open. In a flash of red light, a Kadabra appeared.

    "Kadabra, would you mind teleporting us to New Bark?" Cecilia asked it.

    It grunted and in another flash of blinding light, they were in a field, next to a sign written 'New Bark Town'.
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
     
    You might not want to make Larvitar warm up to Vera so quickly. It takes time for a Pokemon to grow to its trainer. A week isn't quite enough. They haven't had time to bond, or done anything to bond. Battling is one of those things that bring the Pokemon and Trainer together. Just slow Larvitar's comfort level. Show a little, but make sure that Larvitar still gets freaked out about Vera's loud attitude. -Remember, Larvitar will always be timid nature. It can get comfortable with people and Pokemon - it jsut takes time. You can also put some comedy in there. Maybe a new Pokemon gets hit with one of Larvitar's attacks because it's scared.

    "Wow, Larvitar, you sure eat fast," Vera said, taking the bowl and crashing it into the sink. (...her mother couldn't yell in front of Larvitar...)]

    Get rid of one of the sets of "..." It is unnecessary.

    She glanced at her Poke-belt, which was made to hold Pokeballs and a Pokedex. She left it on her desk, everything carefully put in their right holder.(Mom's work) She stuffed it in. Vera looked around her room, searching for things she might need on her journey.

    Put the period on the other side of the parenthesis. What is in the parenthesis is part of that sentence. You put it in a spot where it would be considered irrelevant or an incorrect fact. Simple typo :P

    "Did you pack your clothes?"

    - Yes.

    - Your wallet?

    - Your belt?

    - Yes.

    - It had everything?

    - Yes.

    - Six Pokeballs?

    - Yes.

    - Pokedex?

    - Yes.

    - All right, then. Go have some fun before lunch.

    - 'Kay.

    This style is pretty original. I'm not sure if you want to be unique or traditional(judging by everything else you've done - I'd say unique). I like your style, but I think traditional looks better and more proffesional(no dasdes before the dialogue and quotation marks around each part). It's is obviously up to you.

    Vera ran back up to her room, thinking that if she didn't stop running up and down the stairs, her legs muscles would be giant, and plopped herself on her bed. She closed her eyes and...

    "Lar?"

    The transitioning was shaky. It took me a few reads to realize she fell asleep and woke up. Try to mention the fact that she is tired, etc.

    It grunted and in another flash of blinding light, they were in a field, next to a sign written 'New Bark Town'.

    The last part is a little awkward. Try something more like "...next to a sign that had written on it 'New Bark Town.' " I switched the apostrophe mark to after the period because it is grammatically incorrect the way you have it above. I honestly like it better the way you have it, but... those are the rules of grammar. *shrug*

    Looking forward to another read ^^
     
    AHA! No spelling mistakes this time. :P
    Well, anyway, I want you all to know that the next chapter will only by up by after tomorrow or after after tomorrow.
     
    Vera!

    You're brilliant!

    Now you get to wear Aunt Sadie's Ponyta sweater all day long! :o

    Nice chapter. Sort of hard for me to get the concept that Vera had fallen asleep when Larvitar popped up in front of her face, though...
     
    i like. Vera's attitude is so much like mine!! Also.Just like commented before she and Larvitar bonded a little too quickly.Other than that everything is just fine.
     
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