Johto: The Land of Beginnings (PG)

[Garouga! Bare Your Fangs!]

Okay, I'm in a write-something kind of mood and I'm REALLY hyper thanks to Raisin Bran and DDR. So I figured why not write a Pokemon fanfic? Pokemon RPs produce my best work, and I think I can apply that to a story for once. I aim for this to be different from the 'Beat Team ______' stuff that has gotten pretty common on Pokemon forums. No, this will be...A TRAINER'S JOURNEY. If this goes over well, I may also decide to do a story for Kanto.

Johto: The Land Of Beginnings​

Chapter One: Sibling Rivalry! The Journey Begins!

"Gooooooood morning, Johto! You're tuned in to Trainer's Guide with me, DJ Khannon! The time is 5:30 A.M., and it's time for a Trainer's Guide Update. As of ten minutes ago, there was been an increase in the sightings of Zubat outside of the Ice Path. But since when have Zubat been scarce? Also, the southern passage out of Blackthorn has been blocked by Gym Leader Zane, who is undergoing intense training in the ways of Ice Pokemon. Since the departure of highly respected Gym Leader Pryce and until Zane is finished training, there will be no Mahogany Gym badge to collect. That could spell bad news for this year's Pokemon League tournament, which has a total of twelve returning participants and no newbies! The chairman of the Johto Pokemon League urges all trainers with eight badges to apply for the tournament at--" The blurred vision that soon burns your eyes at the first sign of light; The enhanced hearing that seems to have the sole purpose of giving you a headache; The numb feeling in your right leg as you roll off of the bed. These all fall under the same category: The 'joy' of waking up.

"Silver! Silver Harper, if you aren't up and dressed in five minutes, then I'm telling the professor to forget about giving you that Pokemon!" The enhanced hearing kicked in, and Silver Harper groaned loudly as he sat up in his bed. His long black hair was a mess, and he could feel the legs of his pajama bottoms sticking to him. He stood up after recognizing the feeling; It was warm and damp, and had a strong odor to it. He knew what had happened, and stared menacingly out into the hallway. In the middle of the hall sat the family pet, a Poochyena puppy that had been nicknamed Pooch. It looked rather pleased with itself, having just been given a new rubber bone by Silver's mother. The teen stared at it for a second, then ran to the door and poked his head out. The hall seemed deserted, so Silver stepped out and faced the stairs. He then began to yell to his mother.

"Make it fifteen! Pooch decided to--"

"Pee on his leg again!" Silver swore under his breath and turned around to face the door at the end of the hall. Sure enough, his identical twin Gold stood in the doorway, already dressed in black shorts, a red and black striped T-shirt, and white running shoes. On his back was a bag that seemed to be halfway full. Gold grinned and walked down the hall, shoving Silver into the bathroom upon approaching him. Silver swore again and shut the door, locking it and testing to make sure it was truly locked. When he was satisfied, he turned around and began undressing, getting ready for his second shower in twelve hours.

********************​

"Mom, why are we up so early again?" Silver yawned and shook his wet hair out in a doglike manner, much to his mom's annoyance. Gold grinned and lifted his hand to point and laugh, but was soon sprayed with droplets of water. It was Silver's turn to laugh, and he took his seat at the table in the kitchen. Both of his parents were reading separate sections of the paper and tried to pay no attention to what had happened.

"Water Gun attack!" Silver shook his head again, spraying water across the table at his brother. Gold wiped his eyes clean, then picked up a buttered bagel from the plate at the center of the table and flung it in retaliation.

"Overly Buttered Bagel attack!" Silver opened his mouth to catch the bagel, only to have Pooch jump across in front of him and intercept it. The boys both started laughing, and stopped once their mother slammed her section of the newspaper down in annoyance. She looked from both Gold to Silver, then at their father across the table from her.

"What did I say about insulting your father's cooking? He really put some effort into it this time, and you still put it down?" Silver's father looked over the edge of his paper at his wife, who was giving him a 'Your Turn' look, and sighed. He neatly folded the paper and picked up a bagel, examining it for any flaws.

"Come on, boys. I think I did good this time. I mean, look at that crispy golden color!" Silver picked up another bagel and looked at it like his father did. There was no arguing that it WAS toasted to perfection, but there was still one big detail that stood out.

"Dad, there's at least an inch of butter on this. If I bite it, I may have a heart attack right here." Gold, who had recently taken a bite of one of the bagels, clamped his mouth shut while laughing, slamming his fist on the table at the same time. He started choking and coughing, and soon had to spit his bagel out into a napkin. He balled the napkin up and shot for the trash can, but barely missed it and hit the floor instead. Pooch scurried out from under the table and picked it up, swallowing it in a matter of seconds. Mrs. Harper swore heavily enough to catch the attention of the rest of the family as she stood up and ran over to Pooch.

"Pooch! Bad boy! No eating out of the trash, or anything meant for the trash! We raised you better than that! We--What?" Mrs. Harper picked up Pooch and rubbed his stomach, all the while looking at her family. they stared back in an awed silence, until Gold finally cracked a grin and flashed a thumbs-up at his mom.

"Alright, Mom! I knew you had it in you!" Silver slowly turned his head from his mom to his brother, who quickly dropped his hand and pretended to look at his watch. A look of fake shock spread across his face, and he grabbed his bag and headed for the door.

"Oh, look at the time. We're late already. Come on, Sil, we need to get there in five minutes!" Silver looked at his own watch, which said six o'clock on the dot. The lab didn't open for another hour, and it was only a fifteen minute walk to get there. However, he just shrugged and picked up his own bag. His parents walked him to the door, where he hugged both of them and waited for his brother to do so as well. Once he did they started down the path to Newbark Town, not wanting to look back in fear of their mother crying her eyes out. Gold dared to look back, and did not see her crying, but instead running up the path after them. He tapped Silver on the shoulder and he too turned around, and they both looked at each other.

"Noooo, you can't leave yet! You're still to young I won't let you! Please don't leave me!" Silver heard his mother shouting pointless threats at them, trying to keep them from setting off on their adventure. As she got closer, he felt sudden fear and took off down the path as fast as he could go. Gold, too, felt the same thing and followed his brother.

"Hurry, Gold! If she catches you, it's all over!"



Next chapter: Departure and Capture! Rivals to the End!

 

[Yami Rui]

"Overly Buttered Bagel attack!"

OMG that was actually kinda funny to read.

a Poochyena puppy

Mind telling us how the family got a pokemon that's native to another far-off region instead of in Johto.

Other than those two points all I can seem to comment on is what I think of the plot. You say this plot will be different by making it a Trainer's Journey. Normally on journey's a trainer will encounter and try to defeat the evil organization or at least some members of it.

This I found actually tough to review, so think over what I did say and I'll wait for the next chapter.

 

[PkmnBreederSteven]

I thought it was pretty good I'll be looking forward to future chapters.

 

[Garouga! Bare Your Fangs!]

Regarding the Poochyena comment...One thing came to mind when I read that: Oddish. That Pokemon was introduced in the first set of games, and made appearances as a catchable Pokemon in all of the games since (Don't know about D/P...Haven't played it). This proves that Pokemon not only exist in the region that they were introduced in, but others as well. If you need another example, think of Slugma in G/S/C. It appears on Cycling Road in Kanto, but it was introduced in the Johto series.

Also, not all Pokemon journeys have a team trying to take over the world. Be realistic for a second: If a team tried to take over the world every time someone started a Pokemon journey, then there'd be more teams than trainers.

 

[Tetsuya]

Yeah i liked it something to read it was something that got me out of my boredom lol XD

 

[Garouga! Bare Your Fangs!]

Thanks for the reviews. I appreciate them. Now it's time for...



Chapter Two: Departure and Capture! Rivals to the End!

"Did--did we lose her?" Silver stopped dead in his tracks, fatigue finally getting the best of him. Gold soon caught up and collapsed in the middle of the path, panting like a dog. The brothers took a minute to catch their breaths, all the while watching the path to make sure their mom had finally stopped. Once they were all rested and content with the distance from their mother, they continued onward. After a few seconds Gold tried to make conversation to pass the time a bit quicker.

"Sil, what kind of Pokemon do you want? Personally, I'm hoping for a Charmander. You know how much I love fire, after all." Silver said nothing, but stared straight ahead as he verified his brother's love for fire in his mind. The first thought was the time his bed had caught fire a few years ago. His parents didn't believe him when he said Gold did it until his brother finally confessed to the crime, and apologized. That wasn't good enough, though. Mr. Harper had taken all of Gold's money to buy a new bed, and said that he would also pay for the rest of it as well. After a week, the deal was forgotten and life returned to normal.

"Chikorita." Gold stopped walking and stared at his brother for a second, then sprinted to catch up. He pulled Silver's shoulder until they were face to face, a wide grin spreading across his face.

"Chikorita? The little grass thing with the leaf on it's head? You honestly want one of those?" Silver did not answer, but instead shoved his brother's hand off of him and kept walking. He could tell by the surroundings that they would be there any minute now, and did not want to waste any more time.

"So you DO..." Gold ran to catch up, and Silver ignored him again. When he opened his mouth to pester his brother ome more, he was cut off.

"We're here."

********************​

Newbark Town; A quiet little town on the border of Kanto and Johto that was famous for being the home of Professor Elm, one of the greatest minds in the world. It consisted of a few houses and the lab, no shops or gyms anywhere near it. The people here walked out to Cherrygrove every time they needed the slightest thing, and returned as if they had been here all along. the Johto Building Committee wanted to put a shop in this town, but the citizens refused. When asked why, they said they enjoyed walking and got to visit friends when they went to Cherrygrove.

"Hey Sil, which one's the lab?" Silver rolled his eyes and slapped Gold on the back of the head, pointing to the biggest building in the town. It was a shade of light blue that reflected the little bit of sun out beautifully, and it had a certain feel to it that said 'You are welcome here'. The brothers continued to marvel at it for about a minute longer before Gold punched Silver's arm and started to run towards it.

"Last one there's got to get a Chikorita!" Silver took off after his brother, passing him with ease and reaching the lab door first. When Gold caught up he shook his head and grinned.

"I'm still getting a Charmander. You can ave your precious grass thing." Silver shrugged and pulled on the door's handle to open it. Nothing happened. He tried again and again, until he gave up and sat down on a nearby bench. Gold sat next to him and checked his watch, seeing that they only had to wait for fifteen minutes before the lab was officially open.

********************​

Fifteen minutes later, right on the dot, Gold jumped up and tried to open the door. It opened this time, and he held it for his brother. Silver was surprised at his kind gesture, and grew disappointed once Gold dashed in and shut the door behind him. Silver sighed and opened it, hoping that he could go on this journey by himself.

Upon entering the lab, the brothers looked around in awe. It was the shiniest place they had ever been, and it was crawling with Pokemon. They watched as an Arbok curled up in a ball and rolled by, soon followed by a Kirlia and a six foot tall Kabuto. The latter stopped at the sight of the two soon-to-be trainers and stood on its hind legs. Silver soon realized that it was not a Kabuto at all because of the zipper along the stomach, and wondered who would be wearing such a weird costume. The person in it tried to grab the zipper with one of the costume's mock pincers, and grumbled in annoyance. They tried again and again before throwing their arms down in defeat.

"Little help here?" Gold snapped out of his state of amazement long enough to pull the zipper down the length of the costume. A second later a man in a white lab coat stepped out. Well, stepped was an overstatement. His foot got caught in the bottom of the costume and he fell, landing face-first beside Gold. Silver suppressed a laugh as the man rose, and he could get a good look at him. He was a tall, thin man in glasses with a messy patch of black hair on his head and a fresh bruise on his cheek. He greeted them with a wave before kicking the costume under a chair, where a Caterpie soon crawled out from.

"Hello there. My name is Steve. I work directly under Professor Elm, who is away on business at the moment. Now then, judging by the schedule he sent me I would assume that you two are the Harper brothers?" Silver nodded and glanced over at Gold, who was examining the costume under the chair. Steve clapped his hands twice and motioned for them to follow him, which they did after Gold was done staring at the costume.

Steve led the brothers to a large room on the second floor that was flooded with Pokemon. The room itself was designed to look like a jungle, with the ceiling made of glass-like panels. The Pokemon themselves were asleep for the most part, with a few eating from their designated bowls. Silver's eye caught a lone Chikorita, sleeping at the base of a tree.

"This room was made to look like the habitat these Pokemon are accustomed to. Everything in it is, of course, real. Even the plants. this is to secure a complete feeling of being at home while the professor and I study them. But I don't think you came here to learn all that. So, what would you like for your first partner? First stage Pokemon only, please." Silver pointed to the Chikorita, which had woken up and was stretching its legs. Gold took a second to decide before he ran over to a sleeping Charmander and picked it up. The Pokemon awoke in surprise and started screaming. Soon everything in the room was awake and Steve quickly caught the Charmander in a PokeBall to keep it quiet. The Chikorita stared at Silver questionably before Steve walked over to it and sat down. He spoke to it for a minute, then it nodded and approached Silver.

"Chikorita is one of the most intelligent Pokemon we have. She can tell time by looking at the position of the sun or moon. The only problem is she has a hard time telling humans what time it is." Silver knelt down to examine his new partner, who seemed to be doing the same.

She doesn't look that smart. Silver smiled and reached out to touch Chikorita's leaf.

He doesn't look that smart. Chikorita allowed him to touch her leaf, and enjoyed the feeling of it. Steve then turned to Gold and handed him the PokeBall containing Charmander.

"Your partner is a bit of a crybaby. Don't worry, though. The professor said that he'll grow out of it eventually." Gold stared at the PokeBall and felt his fingers inch towards the button, but Steve slapped his hand before he could touch it.

"Not here. You need to get to know him alone, or he'll become confused as to who to obey. Chikorita is smart enough to know already." Silver picked up Chikorita and held her in his arms, wondering if she had been the right choice. Steve led them back to the lobby, where two small bags had been placed on the table while they were gone. He handed one to each trainer and smiled warmly. They both looked inside and saw five PokeBalls and a shiny red PokeDex.

"Professor Elm said to tell you good luck, and that he hopes you two do great things." Silver nodded and waved goodbye to Steve and Gold, and stepped back out into Newbark Town. There were some signs of life now as people were checking their mail and such, but it didn't have the feeling of his home city, Cherrygrove. With a heavy sigh he put down Chikorita and started walking towards the town exit. The Pokemon followed, and by the time they reached the path Gold had caught up to them. They walked silently for another few minutes before coming to a fork in the road.

"Left or right, Sil?" Silver pointed to the right, and Gold nodded. They embraced each other before taking their different paths, which would surely lead to different adventures.


Next chapter: Cherrygrove Again! The Poliwag Pond!

 

[Alter Ego]

Regarding the Poochyena comment...One thing came to mind when I read that: Oddish. That Pokemon was introduced in the first set of games, and made appearances as a catchable Pokemon in all of the games since (Don't know about D/P...Haven't played it). This proves that Pokemon not only exist in the region that they were introduced in, but others as well.

Actually, all that proves is that Oddish (Much like Zubat) is native to most (probably all) of the pokémon regions. The point of time at which they were 'introduced' is irrelevant. I'm not saying that you can't have a family Poochyena, but seeing as how the appearance of Poochyena into Johto hasn't been mentioned in the anime, the manga, or the games a quick explanation of that (Could be part of the radio program in the beginning) would be nice. You aren't required to do everything by the games, but you should at least provide a plausible explanation for the changes you made. (Could be migration, could be a new trend among rookie trainers or people who want pokémon as pets, I'm sure you can think up something). So yeah, I think Yami Rui actually made a valid point there. :O

He greeted them with a wave before kicking the costume under a chair, where a Caterpie soon crawled out from.

Ehh...this bit sounds kind of odd. If the Caterpie was beneath the chair then it would have been hit by the Kabuto suit, which - if it did happen - hasn't been acknowledged at all. Also, it would be 'from whence' rather than 'where' if you would want to be grammatically correct. Still, that sounds kind of old fashioned, doesn't it? You might want to rephrase this sentence.


Well, aside from those small points this is actually looking like a decent OT fic thus far. Your characters certainly have personality, there are several fun parts (Love the 'not too smart' bit, although that could be because I've used a similar one on a few occasions. xD) and the plot seems to be progressing at a fair pace. So yeah, keep at it. ^^

 

[Garouga! Bare Your Fangs!]

Thanks for the review. I'll try to come up with an excuse for the Poochyena, but don't expect it soon since it was only a minor character. And I'll edit the Caterpie thing so it makes a little more sense.

From now Silver and Gold will take turns being the main character of a chapter, so both of their adventures are covered. Now, it's Silver.

Chapter Three: Cherrygrove Again! The Poliwag Pond!

The path to Cherrygrove seemed longer than usual without Gold around to make stupid jokes about everything. Silver let his mind wander to the good times at home, when the two would often try and housebreak Pooch. They taught the Pokemon the meaning of what might be said to him, and what is considered as 'acceptable' behavior. In a way, Pooch acted as a mediator between them; Playing with him was the only thing they could do together without arguing at some point.

The path curved ahead and Silver followed it, glancing down at his new partner and wondering how Gold was getting along with Charmander. It was plain as day that he missed his brother, despite all of the bad times they had together. No matter what he thought, his mind kept drifting back to his brother.

"Chikorita, do you have any siblings?" Chikorita, who had been observing the beautiful forest scenery, looked at Silver questioningly and stopped to scratch something into the sand dirt. When she was done, Silver saw that it was a drawing of two lines. He figured that she meant two.

"Did you get along?" Chikorita took a second to decide, then crossed out one of them and circled the other. It was pretty obvious that this meant she got along with only one. Silver understood to an extent; He had both loved and hated his brother.

Come on...I've waited all my life to be a Trainer, and I can't stop thinking about the person who tormented me up until this point? Get a grip! Silver shook his head and looked around, feeling that this place was somewhat familiar. An image suddenly popped into his head; His house. This was the road that he took when he wanted to go home. After the fiasco involving his mother that morning, home was the last place he wanted to go. Instead he took a shortcut through some of the plants and emerged on another path, which he remembered leads through Cherrygrove and on to Violet City. There he would challenge the Violet Gym for his first badge.

********************​

Silver stepped upon the roads of Cherrygrove City no less than an hour later. He had to make a quick detour when a Rattata decided to ambush them in order to show off to another Rattata. Silver noticed that the challenger was male and the onlooker was female, a sign that this battle was to make her like him. Chikorita fought with honor, beating the Rattata but making pleasant conversation afterwards. Silver wanted to catch it but Chikorita would not allow it, so he remained with only one Pokemon for the rest of the trip.

Cherrygrove City was slightly bigger than Newbark Town, but still lacked a gym. Silver started by heading to one of the shops and buying a few Potions and PokeBalls. Chikorita was amused at the idea of humans grouping together and fighting over various items, and couldn't stop watching a sale at a furniture store. People were pushing this way and shoving that way, creating utter chaos anywhere within thirty feet of the store. Silver, who had been heading for the route connecting Cherrygrove to Violet, stopped to explain the fighting to his partner.

"See, this shop has lowered its prices, and these maniacs smelled the low prices from a mile away and rushed over to here to kill each other over patio furniture." Chikorita made a sound that sounded like a laugh, and Silver continued towards Violet City. Chikorita got one last look at the crazy shoppers before scurrying off to join her trainer.

Taking his first step out of Cherrygrove City, Silver knew that he had broken a personal record; This was the farthest he had ever gone. A tear came to his eye as he realized just what he was doing. He was leaving the people he loved so he could chase every trainer's dream of being famous. His parents had raised him since he was born, and now he was leaving them. The tear in his eye grew and he wiped it away, taking another step and motioning for Chikorita to follow. She did so, and they walked into a new land; A land of surprises.

********************​

Soon after leaving the places he loved the most, Silver stopped on the edge of a large body of water for a break. The sun was high in the sky now, and it cast its shine across the ripples of the pond, creating beautiful images on the water. Chikorita sat on the edge of the grass and stared at the water, while Silver laid back and stared up at the clouds. They were thin and scarce, and it took more imagination than normal to form pictures with them. The only things that came to mind were all snakelike Pokemon, such as Milotic and Ekans.

"Hey, Chikorita?" Silver waited for an answer from his Pokemon. He decided to see if she wanted something to eat, but she didn't even seem like she wanted to talk.

"You know, you could at least make some kind of noise--" Silver sat up and gasped. Chikorita was in an intense argument with a short blue Pokemon that had a round shape to it and a swirl on its stomach. Silver whipped out his PokeDex from his pocket and scanned it.

"Poliwag, the Tadpole Pokemon. Poliwag loves water, and is known for putting on beautiful performances when trained right." Silver shut his PokeDex and stood up, feeling the aftereffects of his leg falling asleep. He limped over to the two Pokemon, and Poliwag only gave him a glance of recognition. Chikorita pointed to Poliwag, then the water while making furious noises. The Poliwg shook its head and gestured with its foot to the grass and water.

"What's going on?" Chikorita looked up at Silver and pointed to Poliwag. The water Pokemon stood still for a second, then fled to the water and did not return for a few minutes. Silver stared at where it had disappeared, and turned away to go back to where he had been laying. He heard Chikorita shriek and turned back around, only to see the Poliwag returned with six others. They all discussed what had happened, then turned to face Chikorita. The six other Poliwag backed away, leaving the original one and Chikorita facing each other. Silver sighed; He could feel a battle coming.

Poliwag said something in a cocky tone to Chikorita, who jumped on Silver and knocked an empty PokeBall from his belt. She pointed at the PokeBall, then at Poliwag. Silver understood most of it, but still had one thing he wanted to ask.

"Why?" Chikorita sighed and shook her head, then stuck out her chest and walked around. There was a very pompous feeling to it, and Silver finally understood the whole scenario.

"Ah, so this one has a confidence problem. Why?" Chikorita returned to normal and drew a line in the dirt, pointing to one side and then to Poliwag. Then she pointed to the other side and Silver, who nodded. Chikorita nodded, and suddenly scratched out the line furiously and pointed to Poliwag again.

"Territory troubles?" Chikorita nodded and bit Silver's pants, pulling him towards the battle. He shook her off and she jumped forward, ready for battle.

"Chikorita, use Tackle!" Chikorita collided with Poliwag, who flew back into the crowd of other Poliwag. They tossed it back into battle, and it strted by using Bubble. Chikorita tried to dodge it to the side, but got hit when the attack swept over as well. Silver swore as Chikorita rose again, and Poliwag shot another Bubble attack.

"Hold your ground and use Leech Seed!" Chikorita took the attack head-on as her leaf grew longer and buried into the ground. Poliwag stopped attacking, confused, and felt the leaf wrap around its foot. Like a vine it slowly snaked its way upwards, engulfing most of the enemy. Chikorita glowed a light shade of green and let go of Poliwag, who collapsed out of exhaustion. After waiting a second for it to move Silver threw a PokeBall. Poliwag disappeared in a flash of red light, and the ball dropped to the ground. It wiggled once, twice, and finally laid still. Silver picked up Chikorita to celerate his first catch and noticed that the Poliwag were celebrating as well.

"Not liked around here, huh?" The Poliwag all shook their heads and Silver laughed, picking up the ball and attaching it to his belt. He was now one step closer to being the best.



Next chapter: Fire Problems! Charmander's Fear of Battle!

 

[PkmnBreederSteven]

In Chapter 2 that Steve fellow reminded me of Bill but I still like it I give it a 8/10 and its really entertaining.

 

[Garouga! Bare Your Fangs!]

I will be needing some time to write more chapters, since I haven't had access to a computer in a week. >.<

 

[Alter Ego]

Nyu, sorry for not reviewing the third chapter earlier. I've been a very bad and lazy noodle. .___.

Anyway, there's a lot of good stuff here, but most of it just seems so...rushed, somehow, like you're just hurrying it all up to make the plot move along. The scene with the shoppers, for instance, has lovely potential, but in just explaining it in a referative 'and then they did' kind of way, you're distancing the reader so much that the whole thing looks like a meaningless side-note, which is a shame. Also, the whole shortcut thing was just...what? He somehow covered a heckuva' lot of wilderness terrain with virtually no time or effort spent. Oh, and on the Rattata incident:

Chikorita fought with honor, beating the Rattata but making pleasant conversation afterwards.

Two words: male pride. The Rattata was just embarassed in the eyes of a female it was trying to impress - and by a green, cutesy plant thing with a leaf on its head to top it all - and the next thing he does is make polite conversation with it? Am I the only one who thinks that the Rattata should be a bit more upset than that? o.O Furthermore, this is Chikorita's first battle - a rite of passage, in a way - and yet you brushed it off with virtually no description. This would, it seems to me, have been a nice point to end this chapter, provided that you had taken your time with describing the whole thing (Although another possible ending could have been when they left for the route to Violet City).

What I'm saying is, just stop for a moment and smell the roses. You've got a lot of lovely ideas, but you should stop to develop them. The way it is, this looks more like a summary of a chapter than the chapter itself. It could really use a good bit more...involvement, and the best way to do that is to take your time with the events, even if that means a slower pace. Judging by the predicted title, the next chapter will be about Charmander's first battle, yes? This could have worked nicely in parallel with Chikorita's first try, but as it is, Chikorita is ahead for having battled twice. Besides, I'd have appreciated seeing a bit more development for Chikorita before Poliwag was dragged in too. :\

Furthermore, your battle descriptions could use some more work. In their current state, they just aren't engaging enough and the battle end way too quickly. I mean, if the Poliwag was the big bad bully of the pond while Chikorita is still virtually untrained and hasn't even learned Razor Leaf yet then the battle should be a bit more challenging than that, especially since Silver doesn't have that much experience as a trainer yet. I mean sheez, even from the trainer's standpoint battles should seem rather intense, shouldn't they? Especially when you're new to it all, yet Silver is out and about shouting orders like no-one's business and Chikorita obeys unquestioningly and without fail. If she think's that her trainer isn't 'too smart' as she put it in the previous chapter, then wouldn't she at least consider questioning his orders and do things her own way? This kind of perfect discipline kind of seems odd for a new trainer and pokémon team. Furthermore, a bit more strategy and creative use of moves would be fun. I mean, Poliwag just sat there and took the Leech Seed without even trying to counter-attack? WTFudge? Isn't that little bugger supposed to be the troublemaking territorial type? It stands to reason that it would fight to the end. xP

So yeah, more depth would make this fanfic great. ^-^

 

[Garouga! Bare Your Fangs!]

Alrighty, I understand what you're saying. I was trying to do character descriptions and chapter three at the same time, so something was bound to go wrong. The good news is I have a good outline of the Gym Leaders!

Here's a double chapter update...Turns out I wrote them a while ago and left them on my computer.


Chapter Four: Fire Problems! Charmander's Fear of Battle!

Gold glanced around at the scenery he was so familiar with so he could take a break from looking at the ground. So far, his journey had been pretty unsuccessful. Here he was, still in familiar surroundings, with a Charmander that had proven to be a scaredy-cat from the first minute.

A rustle in the bushes. Gold whipped his body around to where he had heard the sound of shifting leaves and grabbed Charmander's ball from his belt. He saw a Rhydon emerge from a clump of bushes and stretch its arms, spotting him after a second and backing away cautiously. Charmander appeared in a flash of red light, heading straight for battle. The two collided and Charmander was knocked back, It stood up and raised its arms, glowing white and doubling in a size. The light seemed to fade for a second, but soon made Charmander even bigger and gave it wings. The white light faded and the figure that used to be Charmander bellowed a war call and charged the Rhydon. The two collided and Charizard picked its foe up and tossed it through a tree. Gold threw a PokeBall at it and caught it with ease, hugging Charizard and doing a victory dance--

Tree branch! Gold felt the pain of reality strike him as he walked into a branch at waist level that knocked the air right out of him. He stopped to regain the lost breath and sat down, taking the time to see if he could remember where he had gone. This path was the longer one, and passed a road that connected Blackthorn City to the southern towns. Looking down at Charmander's PokeBall, he wondered if the Pokemon would mind helping him catch a new team mate. Preferably something that would help him in the long run, like a Geodude or Phanpy. The latter would be harded to find, but definitely worth it so he could rub it in Silver's face.

Gold stopped thinking of his future team and looked up at the sky. The clouds weren't the type he liked to watch, but he knew that his brother was somewhere else underneath them. He silently vowed to himself that he would beat Silver in the Pokemon League finals, and stood to continue onwards. A few minutes later he emerged at a very familiar building; his house.

"Gooooooold!" There was an ear-shattering shriek from the doorway, and Gold turned back to the path and started running for his life. He dared to look back and saw his mother chasing him yet again, this time with poor Pooch dangling under her arm like a doll. The Pokemon was obviously hating its current conditions, but seemed either too lazy or tired to do anything about it.

"Argh, leave me alone! You're letting Pooch run away!" Gold's little lie seemed to fool his mom, who turned around and searched the path for any signs of Pooch. She realized what had happened and slapped her forehead with her free hand, turning back to Gold while turning that same hand into a fist to shake at him.

"One of you better come back as a champion, or I'm never letting you leave the house again!" Gold stopped running and turned around, waving farewell to his mother again while shouting his reply.

"Don't worry, I plan to!"

*****************************​

Cherrygrove City had been a bit more chaotic than normal, but Gold didn't really care. He got the supplies he wanted and left in one piece, which were the important things. He calmly made his way to Violet City, where the first gym awaited. With only one freshly-caught Pokemon he stood little chance of beating a Gym Leader, and desperately needed to train and catch something. There was a lake off to his right and sounds of a battle coming from its direction, but Water Pokemon wouldn't help much against a Flying-type Gym.

There was a rustle in the bushes just like the one in his fantasy earlier, but instead of a Rhydon it was only a Weedle. Gold ignored it and kept walking on, looking for any signs of a useful Pokemon. There was nothing that fell under that category. Besides the Weedle, he noticed a few Caterpie grouping around the base of a tree and a Bellsprout playing with an Oddish in a patch of sunlight. Finally, he noticed something that would lead him to a useful Pokemon.

"Bingo..." Before Gold was a large cave, the entrance veiled in darkness. Darkness normally meant Pokemon that didn't need sunlight, which was perfect since Flying-types were strong against most Pokemon that relied on sunlight. Gold entered the cave and looked around, seeing nothing but darkness. There was a soft scratching off to his side and he turned to try and see what was making it. The only thing he could make out was the outline of something short and long, though.

"Charmander, how about some help?" Gold threw Charmander's PokeBall and saw his Pokemon materialize in a flash of light that temporarily illuminated the cave. It cautiously opened an eye and saw the red light cast by its tail on the wall, and soon looked around. Gold did the same, noticing nothing out of the ordinary; Rocks on the ceiling, rocks on the walls, rocks on the floor, a Dunsparce digging a hole in the wall, some more rocks, a--

"Dunsparce?! Charmander, attack it!" Charmander turned around and looked at Gold, puzzled. With a small sigh, it walked over to the Dunsparce and tapped it in the shoulder-area. It stopped digging and turned, and the two started talking. Charmander walked back and pointed to Dunsparce, then the hole in the wall, and finally the cave exit.

"I can't help it leave until it's weakened. It'll break out of a PokeBall, whether it wants to or not." Charmander turned around yet again and looked down at its little claws, then Dunsparce. The Pokemon had stopped digging and stared back, its face blank of any emotion.

"Try a Scratch attack!" Gold pointed confidently at Dunsparce, and Charmander shook its head and ran behind him. The young trainer slowly lowered his hand and picked up his partner, placing it between him and the wild Pokemon.

"Scratch!" Another shake of its head.

"Now!" A third furious shake of Charmander's little head, and with that it layed down and curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth gently. Gold looked at it before stepping over it and approaching the Dunsparce.

"Could you injure your tail so I could catch you?" The Pokemon nodded and bit its own tail, and Gold threw a PokeBall at it. There was a flash of light and it disappeared inside the ball, which hit the ground soon after. Picking it up and putting it on his belt, he turned and walked out of the cave, recalling Charmander to its own ball without turning around.

"Come on, wuss...We have some training to do."



Chapter Five: Three Way Battle! Chikorita, Geodude, and Teddiursa Face Off!



"Bye, guys! Hope you have fun without this little rascal bothering you any more!" Silver waved a farewell to the group of Poliwag he had befriended while still holding the PokeBall containing his new capture. He turned and continued walking onwards to the first gym, glancing down at Chikorita for any sign of feeling on what had happened back at the lake. It was eyeing the new PokeBall cautiously, knowing that its contents was a threat to everyone.

"Lighten up. I caught it, therefore it's now under my control. If it so much as touches you with the intention of hurting you, I'm releasing it. Away from the pond. Maybe in a waterless place to make it suffer a little. Then we'll go out and catch something friendly. Like a Wooper or Mareep or Heracross." Chikorita put some thought into its answer, all the while dodging stray tree branches and stepping over especially sharp rocks. Finally it nodded, and Silver let that be the end of the conversation. They walked silently for a few minutes before Silver noticed something in the distance; It was a dark spot on the side of a small mountain. He knew what it might be right away.

"Hey, we're coming up to something. Looks to be the entrance to a cave...I didn't think there were any caves near here--" There was a sudden flash that illuminated the dark spot, and something moving away from it. For some reason the cave seemed to get darker after the thing left, but the two ignored it and looked at each other.

"Let's go check it out. Maybe we can get something to intimidate Poliwag there." Silver recieved a gentle nod from Chikorita, and the two sped up their walking a little.

********************************​

The cave had returned to its natural dark state by the time Silver had reached it. He tried to look inside it from the sunlight, but he couldn't make out anything inside. With a heavy sigh he turned to Chikorita, gesturing to the darkness.

"Got anything that can shine some light on the situation?" The Pokemon shook her head, and Silver turned back to the cave entrance. There were some good Pokemon that lived in caves, as well as a few dangers. One of which was a lack of light. The Pokemon inside had adapted to it, but he still needed something to help him see.

Silver set his bag down and sat outside the cave for a few minutes in a deep trance while Chikorita sized up the entrance. It wasn't huge, but it'd be tough getting something on the outside to light it up. One thought she had was fire, but she didn't want to sacrifice any kind of nature in the burning process, and something told her Silver's supplies were going to be useful at one point or another. She was soon distracted by a movement near Silver's bag. It was pretty slow, so she was able to see what it was. A Geodude, going through their supplies. Silver was still thinking, his eyes shut tight, so he didn't notice anything going on. That meant it was up to Chikorita for now.

She snuck up on the busy Pokemon, careful about the amount of noise she made. Anything she could hear sounded natural, so she thought she was doing alright. Crouching low, she sprang and hit the Geodude full-force in the back. As she rolled away painfully it looked around, unharmed, and spotted its attacker.

"Geodude, enough!" Silver's eyes snapped open at the sound of a new voice, and he looked over to where he had heard it from. Someone was running up the pathway he had come from, but he couldn't make out any features. All he saw was black clothing from head to toe, with a mask to add to the mystery. The trainer ran over to Geodude and picked it up, and Silver stared at the mess it had made. He scrambled to put everything back in its spot, all the while watching the new trainer out of the corner of his eye.

"Forgive me. My name is...Zeke. I just caught this Geodude, and haven't had the time to train him properly. Could I interest you in a trade, perhaps?" Silver stopped gathering his belongings and looked at Chikorita, who was shaking her head. The look in her eyes said that she hated this Geodude more than she did Poliwag. He stood and dusted his hands off, then addressed the newcomer.

"I'm sorry, but I'll have to pass. I only have two Pokemon; Chikorita is too valuable to trade, and my other one is as much of a handful as your Geodude." Zeke nodded sadly and set his Geodude down, returning it to its PokeBall. He looked into the cave, then at Chikorita, and finally at the sky.

"You a trainer?" Silver nodded, and Zeke grinned while he lowered his head. Chikorita walked over to her trainer's side and sat down while the two stared at each other intensely.

"Want to battle?" This time Zeke nodded and stepped back a few feet, giving enough room for a battlefield. He grabbed a PokeBall from his belt and tossed it, revealing an Eevee in a red beam of light. Silver did the same, except his PokeBall's contents was his new Poliwag. The water Pokemon turned to look at its new trainer, only to be hit from behind by its foe. It turned around angerly and sprayed a Bubble attack, narrowly missing.

"Poliwag! Look, I know we haven't had time to get to know each other, but please...Listen to me for now so we can win this!" Silver's shouts were ignored as Eevee tackled Poliwag again, dodging another frenzy of Bubble attacks in the process. Zeke relaxed his stance a little as Eevee delivered the finishing blow, and Silver recalled his Pokemon.

"I didn't even have to say anything! Wow, that was easy! I guess it's time for Chikorita, now?" Zeke grinned in an overconfident way as he looked for the opposition, which was nowhere in sight. There was a rumbling noise and he swore, watching a large vine grow from the ground and wrap around Eevee's body. The vine sapped its energy, all the while threatening to pull it under. A second later it sank back and Eevee toppled over, exhausted. It was recalled, and Zeke stared in amazement.

"H--How? Where did that...?" Silver stepped aside and revealed Chikorita behind him, pulling its leaf from the ground. Zeke swore again and tossed out Geodude, who stared down Chikorita while waiting for a command.

"Use Tackle!" Chikorita leaped in the air to avoid getting hit, and launched a counterattack Tackle. It hit Geodude's back hard again, rolling backwards in pain. Zeke stared beyond the battle with an expression of exaggerated shock, pointing to behind everyone.

"Dude, there's a Teddiursa in your stuff!" Silver scoffed and shook his head, watching Chikorita set up for a Leech Seed.

"Tackle! Tackle like your life depends on it!" Zeke was sounding desperate now, pointing to Chikorita and even jumping a little. Silver turned to warn his Pokemon, and saw something out of the corner of his eye. He continued turning and faced it, seeing that there really was a Teddirusa in his bag. It was stuffing itself with his candy, licking its paws after every few bites. He watched it for a second before realizing that Zeke was going to try to capture it. He wanted it as well, so it looked like their battle had turned to a competition for now.

"Switch targets! Go for the bear!" Chikorita turned around and nodded, letting its leaf grow and dig into the ground. A vine appeared from below, catching the Teddiursa by surprise. It was lifted high in the air, and Geodude's Tackle attack hit Chikorita instead. The Grass Pokemon winced in pain and withdrew its leaf, letting its prey fall and hit the ground. It seemed unharmed and turned to face its attackers, its eyes full of rage. Geodude and Chikorita both tried to Tackle it from different sides, but both attacks were dodged and they hit each other. Geodude was the first one up, and it tried to attack again. This time, it was led into the side of the cave. Teddiursa turned to laugh, and got caught off guard by Chikorita. It slid away and was hit again, this time rolling into a tree. Zeke threw a PokeBall and Chikorita knocked it out of the air, causing it to roll back. Silver tried the same thing only to have it knocked back by Geodude instead. The two Pokemon glared at each other and attacked again, moving away from the unconsious Teddiursa. Both trainers threw their PokeBalls again and Silver grew excited as his got slightly closer. The emotion faded as Zeke's ball knocked his out of the air and hit the Teddiursa. Three seconds later, it was caught. Everyone stared in amazement at the still PokeBall, and all was quiet. Chikorita walked towards Silver with disappointment in her eyes, only to be picked up and hugged by her trainer.

"You did good, but in the end it was between me and him. Don't be sad." Chikorita cheered up a little and looked over at Zeke, who had already picked up the ball and was now dancing around with Geodude. There was a shrill beep and he looked down at his watch, then stopped dancing and started running back the way he had come from.

"Break's over! Gotta train! They can't keep the pass secluded forever, you know! Bye!" Silver put Chikorita down and looked after Zeke and Geodude, wondering what pass he was talking about. His thoughts were interrupted by Chikorita tugging on his pants, trying to pull him towards Violet City. He laughed and ran in that direction, racing Chikorita to their first badge.


Next Gold chapter: First Gym Battle! Falkner and Sweet Scent! (revising)

 

[Garouga! Bare Your Fangs!]

Chapter Six: First Gym Battle! Falkner and Sweet Scent!


It had been a strange day for Gold; He had caught a Dunsparce (which wanted to see the world, as he learned during a break), and at the same time he found out his Charmander refused to battle. He couldn't figure out why, and it wouldn't give the slightest hint, so he decided to drop the subject for now. However, he was so close to the Violet gym he could smell it.

"Dude, that smells awesome! Like...barbequed chicken and chocolate!" Gold had just entered the city when the aroma hit him. He followed both his nose and stomach to the source of the smell, which was an old-looking building. The air around it was a soft shade of pink that seemed to sparkle, but he didn't notice. All he knew was food was nearby, and he was hungry.

"Excuse me, could you point me in the direction of the barbeque and chocolate?" Gold pulled over many people and asked the same question, only to recieve the same answer. They would then ask him if he knew where another thing was, and he would tell them no. After a few minutes of mindless wandering outside the building, he finally decided to enter it and ask inside. When he pulled the door open the smells got even stronger, causing him to restrain himself from drolling with delight. He calmly walked up to one of the many people dressed in orange robes and asked his question. The man only laughed, shook his head, and walked away.

Two people caught Gold's eye a split second later; Another robed person talking with a man dressed in loose clothing with a soft purple color. Something about him seemed important, but before Gold could ask him anything he was pulled into the conversation by the person in the robe.

"Welcome to Violet City. You are here for a gym badge, right?" Gold nodded, and both of the men laughed heartily.

"Excellent! Our little idea worked! Call back Pidgey for now. We have a challenger!" The man in loose clothes nodded seriously and sprinted up a staircase, leaving the other man and Gold alone. There was a minute of silence as they both stared at the staircase before the new gym challenger finally said something.

"What...idea?" The man cocked an eyebrow at the young trainer and laughed again, gesturing casually to the ceiling.

"Just a little plan to get more challengers for the gym and tourists for the tower. Lately, people have been saving Violet's gym badge for last, which drove away one of our prime attractions. Just between you and me, the badge here is the easiest and would be a piece of cake to get in the end...Anyway, we decided to attract trainers passing through with a little Whirlwind-Sweet Scent mix upstairs. And it worked!" The second person returned and grabbed Gold's hand, shaking it in a manner that resembled strangling a small animal from the side. Without letting go he pulled Gold from the tower and ran to a much larger building. Once they were inside he was let go as the person, perhaps the Gym Leader, ean into a smaller room adjascent to the arena. He returned before Gold could examine the battle grounds, this time with a half-awake teenager in a black and white striped shirt. He slumped to the middle of the gym and yawned loudly, causing Falkner to grunt impatiently.

"This battle is for Violet City's official badge. It shall be between the Gym Leader, Falkner, and...this challenger kid. The challenger can switch Pokemon at will, the Leader can't, blah blah blah...BEGIN!" Falkner tossed out a PokeBall eagerly, which burst open to reveal a sleeping Pokemon covered in brown and white feathers with black markings around its eyes. Gold looked at it, still confused about the whole experience he had just been through, and threw Dunsparce into battle. It looked around curiously while Pidgey woke, and finally the battle started.

"Pidgey, use Gust and follow up with Sand Attack!" Pidgey yawned and stretched its wings for the attack as Gold ordered a Rage attack, which hit the bird after it attacked. Dunsparce seemed happy about its attack and did it again as Falkner threw his arms up wildly and cursed, realizing the mistake he had made. The second Rage, more potent than the first, hit and Pidgey was done for, disappearing in a beam of light after it fell to the ground.

"I forgot...I had Pidgey blowing the Sweet Scent everywhere just a few minutes ago. I looked right by that. Crap...Wingull, back me up here!" Falkner threw a second PokeBall which opened to reveal Wingull, a strangely colored bird with the ability to use Water attacks. Gold decided to keep Dunsparce out and ordered it to use Rage again. It suddenly became even angrier as Wingull attacked it, causing it to dig its pointed tail into the foe's wing immediately after. The bird shrieked in pain and fell to the ground with a wing injury, flapping desperately to try and regain flight. Like Pidgey before it it was recalled, and Falkner silently threw out a third ball. This time, it was another small bird with different colored feathers and a distinct beak that looked very sharp; Spearow.

"Time for this to end, and my winning streak to begin again! Spearow, do me a favor and finish this thing with Peck!" Falkner laughed and pointed to Spearow, who nodded. It started the match off with Peck, and dodged when Dunsparce went to hit it with Rage. It kept this strategy up until its enemy was dizzy from all the spinning, and finally ended things with a powerful Drill Peck from directly above. Gold recalled his Pokemon and held the ball close to him before placing it on his belt and throwing Charmander out. It looked around at the battlefield and got terrified instantly, running back to Gold and clinging to his leg like a small child. He had to unhook its claws one by one from his pants before he could kneel down beside it to try and motivate it.

"Look, I know you don't want to do this, but I need you. Dunsparce put up a good fight, but he's tired now and needs some rest. You can finish this if you put your mind to it. I know you can. So how about you go out there and help the team a little? I believe in you." Charmander seemed to perk up a little after the pep talk, and it saluted before running back out to Falkner's waiting Spearow. The Pokemon took to the air again, circling Charmander like a vulture around its prey.

"Use Ember!" The attack came at a perfect time; Spearow was spinning rapidly towards Charmander as it closed its eyes and opened its mouth. The first ball of fire hit it, causing its foe to slow down. One by one they hit until it finally stopped and dropped to the ground in a big heap of burnt feathers. Gold ran out to the middle of the arena as the judge lazily called the match, and he started dancing with Charmander on the PokeBall logo. Falkner wiped a tear from his eye as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a feather-shaped badge.

"Congratualtions, kid. That little guy has some serious potential." He handed the badge to the victor and pointed to Charmander, who looked around in astonishment. The Pokemon realized what he was talking about a second later and shook its head frantically, causing Gold to laugh.

"Come on...You could be great if you just tried." Charmander thought this over for a second before smiling, and Gold called it back to its ball and turned to the door of the gym. As he made his exit he spotted his best friend and biggest rival heading in his direction. He grinned and shook his head, walking away before he could be seen.

Taking his time in getting here...Typical Silver.


Next Silver chapter: Easy Badges and Difficult Catches! The Dreads of Thunder Wave!
Next Gold chapter: Gastly For Korinku?! An Overnight Trip In Sprout Tower!

 

[Always and Never]

this is becoming an amazing story.

My only criticism is if Charmander never battled before how would he be strong enough to use ember?

9.5/10

 

[Alter Ego]

Okay...I've been trying to refrain from biting reviewers here, but I have my limits...

WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH THESE NUMBER RATINGS?!!​

Seriously, just going 9.5/10 or 8/10 or whatever doesn't say anything whatsoever unless you've got some very specific guidlines of what each grade means. In other words, mr.Scyther, and particularly you PkmnBreederSteven, your posts are bordering very closely on spam. <.<


Anyhow, moving on to the actual fic...I think it would really help you if you slowed down on the updates. Seriously, one chapter a week would be good even if you have more of them written up. Why? Because eventually you will reach a point at which you have run out of ready-written chapters. And that, my friend, is the point where your update times will shift from a matter of days to a matter of weeks. xP Really, quality over quantity in the updates, please.

Take your time and apply the critcism you get, even to the other ready-written chapters if possible. These chapters hold many of the same problems as I outlined last time. Brushing aside important parts of the story with a referential style - such as the fact that Charmander is a coward. I mean, it would have been a lot more effective if you had just gone and written the first time when that came about in proper detail instead of turning it into a side-remark. Again, this is an important part of character development so don't rush it.

My main gripe, however, is with the gym battle chapter. First off, Falkner was horribly OOC. I mean sheez, he's being all cool, composed and formal even in the games, do you honestly think that he's the type to lose his temper and scream 'crap' at the first setback? Maybe it's just me, but that really spoiled my reading experience. xP Also, Gold won that battle waaaay too easily. Seriously, a newly caught Dunsparce under the control of a rookie trainer beating two pokémon trained by a gym leader? Not a very likely scenario at all, and Falkner's 'strategies' - if they can be called that - were horribly amateurish (Again, OOC for him). Finally, what's with his team? Three bottom-of-the-barrel flying types are all he's got? He's a gym leader for pity's sake, where did his signature pokémon go? For the games that's Pidgeotto, for the anime it's Pidgeot, and for the manga it's Skarmory, but it certainly isn't Pidgey, Wingull (Where the heck did that thing come from, anyway?), or Spearow. I mean sheez, a gym leader should have at least one impressive-looking or exceptional pokémon, but he didn't. -.-

Also, isn't it a tad weird how easily Charmander got over his battling issues? I mean, one moment he's refusing to fight a Dunsparce who wants to be weakened and the next he takes on an attacking pokémon just like that? That's a too sudden change, in my opinion.

Overall, I don't think Gold or his team were ready to beat a gym leader, and your description of the battle didn't really change my opinion on it. This is not the game, you know, it's okay to lose and even the early gym leaders don't need to be incompetent. xP

So yeah, don't really have much good to say about that chapter. Others were allright, I guess, except for the afforementioned problems, but still...they could all have done with more preparation.

 

[Garouga! Bare Your Fangs!]

I'm working on the next chapter now (and trying to improve a whole deal on it), but process is slow due to me getting grounded again for telling my brother a menu is not a to-do list (it was considered a fat joke, and I am not allowed to make fat jokes about him)...

As for the attack 'problems', I prefer using what I call the "anime technique system", which involves a newly caught Pokemon knowing most of it's techniques. However, I cut it short so they only know a few basic ones instead.