Judge/Improve My Team!

[MegaBiscuit123]

So I've recently become interested in competitive battling, but I have no clue where to start. I made a team and tried using it on the smogon battle simulator, and it doesn't exactly work... So here it is!
Baton Passer
Ninjask
Light Powder
Speed Boost
Timid Nature
EVs: 252 HP/252 Def/4 Spe
Harden
Swords Dance
Baton Pass
Roost

Hazer
Weezing
Black Sludge
Levitate
Lax Nature
Evs: 252 HP/252 Def/4 SpA
Venoshock
Toxic Spikes
Clear Smog
Explosion

Special Sweeper
Greninja
Life Orb
Protean
Timid Nature
Evs: 4 HP/252 SpA/252 Spe
Hydro Pump
Ice Beam
Extrasensory
Dark Pulse

Wall/Cleric
Blissey
Leftovers
Natural Cure
Bold Nature
Evs: 4 HP/252 Def/252 SpD
Soft-Boiled
Heal Bell
Seismic Toss
Light Screen

Special Sweeper
(Mega) Alakazam
Alakazite
Magic Guard/Trace
Timid Nature
Evs: 4 HP/ 252 SpA/252 Spe
Psychic
Focus Blast
Taunt
Shadow Ball

Spinner
Sandslash
Earth Plate/Soft Sand
Any Ability
Jolly Nature
Evs: 252 Atk/4 Def/252 Spe
Swords Dance
Earthquake
Stone Edge
Rapid Spin

Anybody care to take a stab at it? I'm open to all suggestions, especially replacing team members, items, evs, and natures. Just leave a comment with whatever advice you have. The advice would be much appreciated!

 

[MegaBiscuit123]

This is OU by the way. And I used a couple NU and UU Pokemon, so I wouldnt be surprised if that were part of the problem.

 

[JustJeff]

I would recommend a Talonflame! :D Annoying everyone w/ it! So much fun!

Talonflame @ Choice Band
Ability: Gale Wings
Nature: Adamant
Ev's: 252 Attk / 4 Def / 252 Spe
~Brave Bird
~Flare Blitz
~Will-O-Wisp
~U-Turn

You would want an odd number of HP for if you switch it in Stealth Rocks, you live with 51% Hp! And also, try not to switch it in Stealth Rocks. So always run a Defogger or Spinner when using a Talonflame~

 

[PlatinumDude]

Scolipede > Ninjask. Its defensive typing is less crippling to get Baton Passing done and it's also bulkier:
-Substitute
-Protect
-Baton Pass
-Swords Dance/Iron Defense/Megahorn
Nature: Timid/Jolly
EVs: 248 HP/20 Def/240 Spe
Item: Mental Herb
Ability: Speed Boost

There are better Pokemon than Weezing out there. If you want to stop setup sweepers, use Mandibuzz, Skarmory (both learn Whirlwind to force out stat-uppers) or Amoonguss (learns Clear Smog as an offensive form of Haze), but take note that the latter shares weaknesses with Scolipede:

Mandibuzz:
-Foul Play
-Roost
-Taunt/Whirlwind
-Knock Off/Toxic/Defog
Nature: Impish/Bold
EVs: 248 HP/136 Def/108 SDef/16 Spe
Item: Leftovers
Abiilty: Overcoat

Skarmory (this is a Showdown! team, at least; Defog Skarmory is pretty hard to get a hold of in cartridges):
-Roost
-Defog
-Whirlwind/Taunt/Brave Bird
-Toxic/Stealth Rock/Counter/Brave Bird
Nature: Bold/Impish
EVs: 252 HP/252 Def/4 SDef
Item: Leftovers/Rocky Helmet
Ability: Sturdy

Amoonguss:
-Spore
-Giga Drain
-Clear Smog/Sludge Bomb
-Hidden Power (Fire/Ice)/Sludge Bomb
Nature: Bold
EVs: 252 HP/228 Def/28 SDef
Item: Black Sludge
Ability: Regenerator

Light Screen is a subpar option on Blissey; its special bulk is great already. Its pre-evolution, Chansey, is better in most cases, as it has better bulk factoring in Eviolite. However, both are better suited to stall teams and this team isn't one. I think Sylveon is a better candidate, as it packs some form of offensive presence in Pixilated Hyper Voices (Pixilate turns all Normal moves into Fairy ones and powers them up by 30%):
-Wish
-Protect
-Hyper Voice
-Heal Bell
Nature: Bold
EVs: 252 HP/216 Def/40 SDef
Item: Leftovers
Ability: Pixilate

Mega Alakazam can get away with a Modest nature because with Modest, it still outspeeds what it needs to outspeed, such as Greninja and Theiran Tornadus. That, and Timid Mega Alakazam hits slightly less harder than Timid Life Orb regular Alakazam.

Excadrill > Sandslash, simply because Sandslash is slower and weaker than Excadrill:
Excadrill:
-Earthquake
-Iron Head
-Rapid Spin
-Rock Slide/Stealth Rock
Nature: Adamant
EVs: 252 Atk/4 Def/252 Spe
Item: Leftovers/Air Balloon
Ability: Mold Breaker

or
-Earthquake
-Iron Head
-Rock Slide
-Rapid Spin
Nature: Adamant/Jolly
EVs: 252 Atk/4 Def/252 Spe (Choice Scarf) or 120 HP/136 Atk/252 SDef (Assault Vest; Adamant only)
Item: Choice Scarf/Assault Vest
Ability: Mold Breaker

 

[MegaBiscuit123]

PlatinumDude, could you PM me? I have lots of questions. I seriously have no clue what I'm doing! I don't even recognize some phrases you used{XD} But I really want to get into this, so I'd really love and appreciate the help! And Scolipede in hindsight seems much better than Ninjask. Ninjasks defenses are so bad and it is weak to a lot of common types. And I also prefer not to use too many pokemon of the same type.. So would you suggest Mandibuzz, Skarmory, or Talonflame? I know they play different roles, but still.. And really, don't be afraid to be mean or critical or anything!