Rainbow Chara X
Impossible to gauge!
- 129
- Posts
- 9
- Years
- Shiny Hunting in Sinnoh
- Seen May 12, 2025
This might just top Chapter 8 in terms of pure vitriol.
[FONT=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Chapter #10 - Rage Awakened (Second Act)[/FONT][FONT=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]
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Welcome to Not-Cerulean Cave, may I take your order?
No, seriously, the only thing different here is that she put tiles over the water so you can walk through it. She doesn't even get rid of the water, she just puts a line through it.
Gastrodon's appearance here is kind of amazing considering how they were slated to appear in the actual Gen 3 games at one point but were scrapped and moved over to the next generation. I guess things came full circle.
= The beta backsprite in case you were wondering.
See, this is what I'm talking about. Then again, given how this is a bonus dungeon re-purposed to be a mid-game one, I'm not surprised all the rare and expensive items are here.
PP Up and Max Elixir are high-ranking members of the Too-Cool-To-Use club, so they'll be sitting in my bag for quite a while.
Yes, because I need more roadblocks. I like Gothorita but running into ones with Shadow Tag wore out its welcome immediately.
... You can get Slowking here???
That's a very interesting choice for a wild Pokemon, given how hard they are to get in the real games.
What are the chances of this happening? That's eye-catching, but again I don't want to raise a level 10 starter up to our current levels.
sigh.
We can't avoid this guy, can we? Oh well, it's his funeral.
: "Revenge!"
That's pretty much all he needs to say.
: "Okay, this is stupid."
: "Do not widdle your way into changing my choices. For I have already made a pact with Darugis. If I cannot defeat you now, he will take my soul into the-"
Who says widdle? Especially a man his age? The word you are looking for is "wriggle", my friend.
Yes, because this needed 4Kids level censorship. Hard to take your dark and edgy story seriously when you do stuff like this.
: "Why in the world would you sell your soul?!
: "Why, you say? If I do so, I will have the ability to torture you and your father... forever!
: "Sorry, but I won't allow that to happen. Well... saying I'm sorry would be lying."
Let's Play Monica hates him, but In-Game Monica feels bad about it for some reason I can't hope to comprehend.
The game tries to hype this up to be the big final battle with V, but he's no more threatening than the last time we fought him.
Get
Mega
Bodied
Scrub.
: ("I'd feel sorry about this if I didn't completely hate you and V.")
: ("I understand. Please, do with us as you must.")
[Both of them clash fists]
Sigurd being burned is the only way they're fighting on equal ground, so at least he goes down with some dignity.
Corin ends it by dropping his Spiritomb into the shallow grave it deserves.
He's surprised that he's dying after he explicitly said "Darugis will kill me if I lose."
My god, the game is going to introduce more characters. This is totally where I'd take a swig of alcohol if I were into that stuff.
[V screams out bloody murder while Monica yells out his name]
It gets better:
"V's body turned into stone his body slowly drifts towards the underworld."
Saying exactly what happens isn't good enough. Show, don't tell.
: "No! V, I'm sorry!"
[All of Monica's Pokemon stare at her with extreme confusion]
What the fuck? Why are you sorry?
[This is so stupid I need my own theme for this: Escalon]
I'm being played, right? Where are the hidden cameras?
What in the world is this writing?!
V has been an unrepentant dick obsessed with revenge and has wanted to kill and torture us since we started, so why in the name of all that is holy would the main character shed a tear for him when he dies? We should be dancing on his grave singing Joy to the World while throwing confetti everywhere!
Boo-hoo, our dad "betrayed" him. You can't expect me to feel bad for a person who signed a contract with Literally Satan to harm some poor girl and her father.
: "I've got to be tough... This is just a challenge..."
[Citadel of the Bount]
[A faint glimmer emerges from behind Monica]
: ("Sigurd, do you see that?")
: ("... Huh? I can sort of make something out.")
[Upon closer inspection, the glimmer belongs to a series of marionette wires attached to Monica's back]
: ("Are those... wires?")
: ("What in the world?! It can't be! Sigurd, cut them immediately!")
: ("On it.")
[Sigurd manifests an aura knife into his hand and slices the wires. They vanish without a trace.]
: "... Huh? What happened? Did I beat V?"
: ("It's just as I feared. Monica was possessed by some higher entity to act that way. Just like my own trainer...")
: ("Sounds like you've had a pretty tough life if this kind of crap happened to you too.")
: "Guys, what happened? Why is it so dusty in here all of a sudden?"
: ("That's what's left of V. When we beat him, he crumbled into dust and his soul went into the underworld or some junk. Personally, I'm glad he's gone.")
: ("Oh, without question. Monica, you were crying because of his death. We were worried that you snapped.")
: "Are you serious? If there's anybody I wanted gone the most, it was him. Good riddance."
[Monica spits on the ground where V was]
: ("Well said. I like you, Monica.")
: ("She's the best, right?")
: "Quit making me blush, guys. Come on, let's go already."
You get a Max Revive for beating V. I find that extra funny considering what just happened.
We interrupt this program for another Sudden Rival Battle.
I can understand this logic because this was the same shit I pulled back when I was 11. See, in a certain story me and the guys did, I threw literally everything at the readers just so there would be a fight scene. The reason being because I didn't want to be boring, but the game still manages to be boring and annoying at the same time.
Also ouch that mapping physically hurts me.
I'd transcribe this dialogue if I actually liked you as characters, so have the super-abridged version instead:
Not-May: "Hi, I'm Florina. Darugis interrupted our date on the ship so that was a thing. Dray says I'm his girlfriend but I don't know what he's talking about. Oh yeah, have you come across the third Chosen One?"
: "I don't really believe in this chosen one stuff. But from what I've heard, only me and Noah are being called that. So who's the third one?"
Florina: "We don't know yet."
: "Hey, man, listen. I don't care about being called the chosen one as long as I get to beat up Darugis."
You're not the Joker, dude. Florina agrees with me and shuts him up.
Florina: "We're gonna build a base in the Omni Region and you're gonna be part of it whether you like it or not. Fight me."
Dray: "Oh boy this is gonna be good."
These are the only characters barring Monica that have shown some sort of character. Whether or not I like them is debatable.
Blue May isn't scary at all.
I SAY AS SIGURD NEARLY GETS MURDERED, JESUS CHRIST
I'm amazed his determination allowed him to tank all of that.
Normally this would be a bad idea, but Ice Punch begs to differ.
Infernape is cool, but Gale is even cooler. She could have learned Brave Bird at one point, but I've figured that Double Edge is enough.
: ("Hah... I think I'm getting a bit rusty. That or these new enemies are getting stronger.")
Samurott has always been a weird Pokemon to me. I think it's cool, but it's never really felt... complete, for lack of a better word. I'm ambivalent to it.
Corin is still slaughtering other dragons. I approve of this.
You called Monica the chosen one, so did you honestly expect her to lose?
Florina: [Mutters something about destiny]
Dray: "I'm out of popcorn!"
Florina: "Shut up, Dray."
Astonishing commentary from the both of you. Monica is interested as to why Dray has a Druddigon, which she notes is one of her father's favorite Pokemon.
They say they're from Sinnoh and traveled through Unova to get a Druddigon, so that plot thread went nowhere. A major thing they mention is the town of Salem and how Amaris, a member of Team Dark Rising, lives there. For extra tastelessness, there's this line they say about it:
"There's a lot of dangerous witchcraft going on there. I advise you proceed with caution."
It's not like the real life Salem had religious zealots that branded any poor woman a witch out of mortal fear, am I right?
I know that's not the case for what's happening here because Darugis, but wow that's not cool.
* ears perk up *
Did you say graveyard? This game may redeem itself just yet.
[Dray and Florina leave]
Well, thank god they're gone at the very least.
[Monica flinches]
: "AAAAAAH! PUT THAT AWAY!"
[One beatdown later]
Salty players in a nutshell.
[Current song in-game: Lavender Town]
Hello, not-Lavender Town. We've entered the spooky section of the game, guys.
A good thing about this place is that the Name Rater lives here. Excellent.
Now Siegfried actually has his name... but uh, misspelled slightly. I guess I wanted to make him and Sigurd feel closer.
Due to being Lavender Town, the white hand girl is here. Everybody talks about spirits, but the people inside the houses seem to be convinced that Monica has already helped them out... despite the fact we just got here.
Programming, what's that?
Have some flagrant abuse of the English language as a bonus.
I'm gonna get some repels so wild encounters don't drive me insane.
Yikes. It's very obvious that mist was not meant to be used here.
Oh, and to top off the insult sundae? There's not even spooky music playing despite there being a perfectly good selection in the vanilla game. How do you mess that up?!
This is the song that plays here, I wish I were kidding: Route 11 Theme
^ Me regarding this game and the blatant lack of creativity.
The FireRed and LeafGreen versions of the Channelers look crazy. No need to worry, though, because Chelli here couldn't get our soul even if we held it in front of her face.
What is this game's fascination with Ferrothorn? At the very least, Absol is a really cool Pokemon. (That Sigurd outclasses in every regard, so boo.)
Also, due to this being the "spooky" area of the game, there's ghosts around here too.
For example, we get a new ghost friend! Her name is based off of the Norse goddess of the dead.
Time to face not-Lance and his legion of zombie children.
(By the way, if you've forgotten who this guy is, we fought him at the beginning of the game. He's the person who threw a level 50 Tornadus at us while the best Pokemon we had was a level 10 Gible Corin. That seems like such a long time ago...)
: "Ugh, it's you again. What are you doing here?"
Monica notices that he has the Jewel of Life with him and comes to the conclusion that he's the third chosen one. I... guess that's cool?
: "I'll make you pay for what you did to me the last time."
Not-Lance calls us weak. I just have to laugh at that because this is the fight I abused rare candies for in advance.
I'm just gonna cut to the chase: His name is Light and he's a "descendant" of Arceus and that he's meant to protect the Jewel of Life. Honestly, all this dude does is replace V on the "people who need to die" list.
: "I get a bad aura from you. You're not on my side, are you?"
: "Then just give me the je-- What's wrong with those kids?"
Not-Lance: "I drained their souls. Life is a prison and they need to learn that the hard way."
Christ almighty, what is wrong with these people?
Not-Lance: [Big edgelord speech about how he's been a slave to Arceus all his life and plans to make Monica learn the true meaning of pain or something like that]
As far as I'm concerned, this guy is V 2.0. He's just as despicable and his backstory doesn't even make sense.
What's that about a Dark Pokeball, though?
Yeah, you're really threatening there, Mr. Chosen One.
Double Element Punch! Wave managed to freeze a Gliscor while Corin glitches the screen with Earthquake. That's pretty great.
... What the hell is a Conarp?
Holy shit! It's a fakemon!
... With a really weird and stupid name, but still. See, Conarp is a
/
type with Wonder Guard... which is a horrible idea seeing as it has weaknesses to at least four common types (
,
,
and
). Sure, it's a giant step up from the rest of the sprite art in the game (that is, zero-effort palette swaps), but it still looks really janky.
Conarp is nothing special - it has 118 Defense and Special Defense, but that's about it.
[Sigurd used Aura Sphere!]
If this was supposed to be intimidating, then you failed. Even Wave could beat up this thing with no hassle.
Says the person who mindlessly follows Darugis because he didn't like Arceus. Give me a break, man...
"The Jewel of Life is nothing more than a small instrument of proof showing how you'll do whatever it wants. Here, take it."
What is he talking about? I honestly have no idea. What's better is that he just gives us the Jewel of Life despite the fact that would be a good thing for us.
At the very least, him being an idiot works in our favor.
Yeah, seriously.
Light: "I never got to live my life like a normal kid, so I hate everything. Darugis lets me do cooler stuff anyway, like create brand new monsters."
In-Game Monica tells him to cheer up despite the fact he just sucked the souls out of a group of children. She... has some pretty bad character judgement.
("I felt energy being absorbed from my Pokemon every time they were damaged.")
It didn't attack us once! Come on, game. Don't try to make that thing more important than it actually is.
Light: "You still have a lot to learn, Monica. Farewell..."
[The typical fade to black transition]
You're the only person that I like in this story despite everything that's happened, Monica.
The kids get their souls back somehow, thank Monica for saving them and return to Salem. Well, that's nice at the very least.
(By the way, if you step towards the kids here, Light's sprite will suddenly reappear but can't be interacted with. I can't even begin to comprehend what kind of script fuckery is going on there.)
[Advent of the Angels III]
[The Jewel of Life resonates with Monica's presence - the earth shakes as a blinding flash of light washes over the forest]
: "Whoa!"
Excellent.
By the way, this is incredibly important to mention - the Gengar family has Destiny Bond in this. I've seen someone sweep through the entirety of Dark Rising just by abusing Destiny Bond and Revives, which is insane considering what they throw at you.
Frankly, I deleted it off of Hel's moveset the instant I saw it. See, as much as I'd like to cheap through the game... someone's already done the Destiny Bond thing and, personally speaking, it's boring as fuck. I want to make this game suffer for its sins.
Prime example right here.
Aura Saber and Void Bomb are Sigurd's signature moves. Aura Saber has the chance to burn 70% of the time while Void Bomb has a 50% chance to flinch. Their animations are recycled from Aerial Ace and Night Shade respectively.
Now that Sigurd has them, there is absolutely nothing the game can do to stop me.
We are level 90+ on top of all of that. Believe it or not, we have to be this strong to finish the game. There is no text or emoticon in the world that can summarize my emotions better than this:
[The entire team falls over with strained looks on their faces - theme I would use here: The Sewer]
: "Huh?!"
: ("Wh-what the... I can't move!")
: ("C... Can't breathe!")
: ("What's going on?!")
: "I have no idea, but we need to go to the Pokecenter fast!"
Doctor Roy: "All of the Pokemon in your active team seem to be suffering the effects of overexertion. I recommend you leave them behind for a while, as they are physically unfit to fight in their current state."
: "Jeez... Will they be alright, doc?"
Doctor Roy: "Of course they will. All they need is some time for their bodies to adjust to the sudden increase of power. In the meantime, I would recommend using some replacements."
: "Replacements... Ah! I know just the people for the job."
[One quick PC romp later]
[Theme I would use for the B-Team: Variable X]
[The team strikes a pose with Bellamine in the center]
Now we're talkin'! The B-Team finally gets their time to shine in the limelight.
See, while I had the A-Team geared up to rip an Inception level asshole into Dark Rising, I felt there were Pokemon in the PC that never got the appropriate amount of screentime. They may not be as broken, but they're more than enough to get through the rest of this game.
If you tried to pass here before, a disembodied voice would have screamed at you to leave. I don't know who it is, but given the production values of this game so far, I just imagine it's Dark Rising Girl using a cheap voice modifier.
Good eventing there.
Now, despite this place being labeled as the "Rosary Graveyard", there are no graves, no ghosts and no rosaries. You have no idea how pissed I got when you couldn't even get the "spooky" town right.
See, there's a difference between something that's bad and something that's horrible. Something that's horrible tends to be legitimately boring due to failing to impress or not even trying. Dark Rising is both at the same time.
You will live a very short life in this world then, my friend.
Anyway, the mansion of the person we were sent to find is here. Cue retread of an area from the vanilla games in 3, 2--
Are you kidding me?! Even MORE rivals?!
My god, it's like this woman couldn't resist making an awful palette swap of every existing Pokemon character. Like damn, have some self-control.
These new rivals are V's children. They're so powerful that Noah and Syndey tell Monica to just run, so you know this is going to end up horribly.
I'll admit, not-Hilbert has a relatively good color scheme. It's not offensive.
What does he have that's such a threat?
[Burn in Despair!]
WHAT.
HOW DO YOU HAVE A LEVEL 70 KYUREM-BLACK?!
Ignoring the fact that this random person somehow managed to get a specialized form of Kyurem like it was nothing, what frustrates me the most are the game balance issues here.
We have a level 70 legendary with an absolutely monstrous attack stat (170 attack!) armed with max effort values (I've checked with Trainer Editor). Even if you grinded to its level or higher, you wouldn't stand a chance due to it tearing your shit apart with its bare hands.
Also, it is not a forced loss battle - I've tested it. You are supposed to go toe-to-toe with this monstrosity and win. I'd ask Dark Rising Girl if she has any concept of how game design works, but this is proof enough that she clearly doesn't. I'll probably touch on this with an extra chapter after the let's play's done.
Since Uber Dragon here is too much of a threat for even Bellamine (mind, she defeated a literal monster with 180 Attack with the help of my Ninetales in Snakewood), Lumis tanks a hit and picks up the slack.
[Lumis used Dream Eater!]
: ("Ah, so succulent... I'm glad to be the one to end you, monster.")
Kinda hard to feel bad for you and V when you're all trying to kill me.
What do you expect to happen, princess? Do you honestly expect your Uber Dragon to save you?
I'm consistently impressed by the lack of creativity regarding these characters, but it's even worse in this regard seeing as they're literally Hilbert and Hilda with different colors.
Not only that, they come with Kyurem versions of both Reshiram and Zekrom like it was nothing.
That's a new low even for this story.
How is this physically possible?!
It's bad enough that the brother had a one-of-a-kind uber dragon that shouldn't even be in the game if it were properly balanced, but how in the world does his sister have the other form as a separate Pokemon?!
The Black and White forms for Kyurem are made when you fuse either Reshiram or Zekrom with him, with all of them being uber rare legendary dragons... that are practically considered doomsday weapons when put into the hands of an actual villain (Ghetsis from Black/White 2).
I refuse to believe a person with a working knowledge of Pokemon looked at this and said it was okay.
Kyurem-White is the opposite stat wise with a crazy 170 Special Attack, but watch me dismantle it regardless.
[Soul Ablaze]
As such, the entire team will have to work together to take this beast down.
: [Is slowly enveloped by flames] ("Is... is that all you got...?!")
Sathala, you deserve both a purple heart and a medal of honor for tanking that. You are a true badass, my little puffball.
Now that Kyurem-White's confused and has Leech Seeds on him, things are finally in our favor. It's time for a battle between kaiju.
: ("You don't scare me.")
: ("Tenacious, huh? Two can play at that game.")
[Ignell used Dragon Pulse!]
: ("Haha! You're no match for us when we work together, monster.")
Monica and the crew are the heroes for a reason. How shameful is it that your insanely busted legendaries couldn't even slow down a group of normal Pokemon.
Kaiden (Not-Hilbert): "My dad is dead because of you! You'll pay dearly for this!"
Now, In-Game Monica is desperately trying to apologize for this and is sad about it. Our Monica, though?
: "Bring it on. Your dad was an awful human being and I'm glad he's dead. Cross me again and I just might get you too, because I've had it with all of this."
[Not-Hilbert and Not-Hilda run out of the room with visible fear]
: "Man, you're really scary when you want to be..."
: "What's going on here, Noah?"
Sydney was fighting V's kids and Noah's Keldeo lead him here. I guess those are good enough reasons for us to suddenly all be here.
Sydney goes on to explain how she kept hearing a dragon's roar and figures it must be the original Kyurem.
This only raises further questions about how Kaiden and Sakura got their Kyurems to begin with. They're not a random Pokemon you can find down the street, guys, you can't just get them whenever you want.
Anyway, wow. That's all I can handle for this chapter. Let's hope I don't get an aneurysm from playing the rest of the game.
See you then.
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Team setup:
(Bellamine, level 80, has Sand Cloak,
,
) - "It seems I'm destined for insanity no matter where I go." [Deep sigh]
(Hel, level 74,
,
/
) - "I wouldn't worry about it too much, dearie. Life is short, after all."
(Lumis, level 71,
,
) - "Agreed. Miss Bellamine, everything that happens here sounds heavenly compared to what you've been through."
(Ignell, level 74,
,
/
) - [Goes into a bout of hearty laughter for beating up Kyurem-White]
(Sathala, level 73,
,
) - "Man, I just hope Siegfried and the guys will be alright. I almost had a heart attack when they were brought in like that."
(Vera, level 75,
,
) - "Yes! I'm finally on the front lines with the team. I can't wait!"
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Back up team:
(Corin, level 95, has Dragon Fang,
,
/
) - "Go... get 'em, guys."
(Sigurd, level 96,
,
/
) - [Is huddled next to Siegfried, with both of them shivering in their sleep]
(Siegfried, level 93,
,
/
) - [Is huddled next to Sigurd]
(Gale, level 90,
,
/
) - "I didn't expect such an explosive reaction from the Jewel of Life... How are you guys feeling?"
(Arthur, level 91,
,
/
) - "Like a bag o' piss, thanks for askin'. We get all of these fancy new powers yet we can't do anything with 'em, so that blows."
(Wave, level 91,
,
) - "At the very least we seem to fine. Sigurd and Siegfried look like they caught the worst of it."
(Cinder, level 40,
,
) -[Is attending to the sick team with a worried look on his face]
[FONT=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]Chapter #10 - Rage Awakened (Second Act)[/FONT][FONT=verdana, geneva, lucida, lucida grande, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]
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Spoiler:
Welcome to Not-Cerulean Cave, may I take your order?
No, seriously, the only thing different here is that she put tiles over the water so you can walk through it. She doesn't even get rid of the water, she just puts a line through it.
Gastrodon's appearance here is kind of amazing considering how they were slated to appear in the actual Gen 3 games at one point but were scrapped and moved over to the next generation. I guess things came full circle.
See, this is what I'm talking about. Then again, given how this is a bonus dungeon re-purposed to be a mid-game one, I'm not surprised all the rare and expensive items are here.
PP Up and Max Elixir are high-ranking members of the Too-Cool-To-Use club, so they'll be sitting in my bag for quite a while.
Yes, because I need more roadblocks. I like Gothorita but running into ones with Shadow Tag wore out its welcome immediately.
... You can get Slowking here???
That's a very interesting choice for a wild Pokemon, given how hard they are to get in the real games.
What are the chances of this happening? That's eye-catching, but again I don't want to raise a level 10 starter up to our current levels.
sigh.
We can't avoid this guy, can we? Oh well, it's his funeral.
That's pretty much all he needs to say.
Who says widdle? Especially a man his age? The word you are looking for is "wriggle", my friend.
Yes, because this needed 4Kids level censorship. Hard to take your dark and edgy story seriously when you do stuff like this.
Let's Play Monica hates him, but In-Game Monica feels bad about it for some reason I can't hope to comprehend.
The game tries to hype this up to be the big final battle with V, but he's no more threatening than the last time we fought him.
Get
Mega
Bodied
Scrub.
[Both of them clash fists]
Sigurd being burned is the only way they're fighting on equal ground, so at least he goes down with some dignity.
Corin ends it by dropping his Spiritomb into the shallow grave it deserves.
He's surprised that he's dying after he explicitly said "Darugis will kill me if I lose."
My god, the game is going to introduce more characters. This is totally where I'd take a swig of alcohol if I were into that stuff.
[V screams out bloody murder while Monica yells out his name]
It gets better:
"V's body turned into stone his body slowly drifts towards the underworld."
Saying exactly what happens isn't good enough. Show, don't tell.
[All of Monica's Pokemon stare at her with extreme confusion]
What the fuck? Why are you sorry?
[This is so stupid I need my own theme for this: Escalon]
I'm being played, right? Where are the hidden cameras?
What in the world is this writing?!
V has been an unrepentant dick obsessed with revenge and has wanted to kill and torture us since we started, so why in the name of all that is holy would the main character shed a tear for him when he dies? We should be dancing on his grave singing Joy to the World while throwing confetti everywhere!
Boo-hoo, our dad "betrayed" him. You can't expect me to feel bad for a person who signed a contract with Literally Satan to harm some poor girl and her father.
[Citadel of the Bount]
[A faint glimmer emerges from behind Monica]
[Upon closer inspection, the glimmer belongs to a series of marionette wires attached to Monica's back]
[Sigurd manifests an aura knife into his hand and slices the wires. They vanish without a trace.]
[Monica spits on the ground where V was]
You get a Max Revive for beating V. I find that extra funny considering what just happened.
We interrupt this program for another Sudden Rival Battle.
I can understand this logic because this was the same shit I pulled back when I was 11. See, in a certain story me and the guys did, I threw literally everything at the readers just so there would be a fight scene. The reason being because I didn't want to be boring, but the game still manages to be boring and annoying at the same time.
Also ouch that mapping physically hurts me.
I'd transcribe this dialogue if I actually liked you as characters, so have the super-abridged version instead:
Not-May: "Hi, I'm Florina. Darugis interrupted our date on the ship so that was a thing. Dray says I'm his girlfriend but I don't know what he's talking about. Oh yeah, have you come across the third Chosen One?"
Florina: "We don't know yet."
You're not the Joker, dude. Florina agrees with me and shuts him up.
Florina: "We're gonna build a base in the Omni Region and you're gonna be part of it whether you like it or not. Fight me."
Dray: "Oh boy this is gonna be good."
These are the only characters barring Monica that have shown some sort of character. Whether or not I like them is debatable.
Blue May isn't scary at all.
I SAY AS SIGURD NEARLY GETS MURDERED, JESUS CHRIST
I'm amazed his determination allowed him to tank all of that.
Normally this would be a bad idea, but Ice Punch begs to differ.
Infernape is cool, but Gale is even cooler. She could have learned Brave Bird at one point, but I've figured that Double Edge is enough.
Samurott has always been a weird Pokemon to me. I think it's cool, but it's never really felt... complete, for lack of a better word. I'm ambivalent to it.
Corin is still slaughtering other dragons. I approve of this.
You called Monica the chosen one, so did you honestly expect her to lose?
Florina: [Mutters something about destiny]
Dray: "I'm out of popcorn!"
Florina: "Shut up, Dray."
Astonishing commentary from the both of you. Monica is interested as to why Dray has a Druddigon, which she notes is one of her father's favorite Pokemon.
They say they're from Sinnoh and traveled through Unova to get a Druddigon, so that plot thread went nowhere. A major thing they mention is the town of Salem and how Amaris, a member of Team Dark Rising, lives there. For extra tastelessness, there's this line they say about it:
"There's a lot of dangerous witchcraft going on there. I advise you proceed with caution."
It's not like the real life Salem had religious zealots that branded any poor woman a witch out of mortal fear, am I right?
I know that's not the case for what's happening here because Darugis, but wow that's not cool.
* ears perk up *
Did you say graveyard? This game may redeem itself just yet.
[Dray and Florina leave]
Well, thank god they're gone at the very least.
[Monica flinches]
[One beatdown later]
Salty players in a nutshell.
[Current song in-game: Lavender Town]
Hello, not-Lavender Town. We've entered the spooky section of the game, guys.
A good thing about this place is that the Name Rater lives here. Excellent.
Now Siegfried actually has his name... but uh, misspelled slightly. I guess I wanted to make him and Sigurd feel closer.
Due to being Lavender Town, the white hand girl is here. Everybody talks about spirits, but the people inside the houses seem to be convinced that Monica has already helped them out... despite the fact we just got here.
Programming, what's that?
Have some flagrant abuse of the English language as a bonus.
I'm gonna get some repels so wild encounters don't drive me insane.
Yikes. It's very obvious that mist was not meant to be used here.
Oh, and to top off the insult sundae? There's not even spooky music playing despite there being a perfectly good selection in the vanilla game. How do you mess that up?!
This is the song that plays here, I wish I were kidding: Route 11 Theme
^ Me regarding this game and the blatant lack of creativity.
The FireRed and LeafGreen versions of the Channelers look crazy. No need to worry, though, because Chelli here couldn't get our soul even if we held it in front of her face.
What is this game's fascination with Ferrothorn? At the very least, Absol is a really cool Pokemon. (That Sigurd outclasses in every regard, so boo.)
Also, due to this being the "spooky" area of the game, there's ghosts around here too.
For example, we get a new ghost friend! Her name is based off of the Norse goddess of the dead.
Time to face not-Lance and his legion of zombie children.
(By the way, if you've forgotten who this guy is, we fought him at the beginning of the game. He's the person who threw a level 50 Tornadus at us while the best Pokemon we had was a level 10 Gible Corin. That seems like such a long time ago...)
Monica notices that he has the Jewel of Life with him and comes to the conclusion that he's the third chosen one. I... guess that's cool?
Not-Lance calls us weak. I just have to laugh at that because this is the fight I abused rare candies for in advance.
I'm just gonna cut to the chase: His name is Light and he's a "descendant" of Arceus and that he's meant to protect the Jewel of Life. Honestly, all this dude does is replace V on the "people who need to die" list.
Not-Lance: "I drained their souls. Life is a prison and they need to learn that the hard way."
Christ almighty, what is wrong with these people?
Not-Lance: [Big edgelord speech about how he's been a slave to Arceus all his life and plans to make Monica learn the true meaning of pain or something like that]
As far as I'm concerned, this guy is V 2.0. He's just as despicable and his backstory doesn't even make sense.
What's that about a Dark Pokeball, though?
Yeah, you're really threatening there, Mr. Chosen One.
Double Element Punch! Wave managed to freeze a Gliscor while Corin glitches the screen with Earthquake. That's pretty great.
... What the hell is a Conarp?
Holy shit! It's a fakemon!
... With a really weird and stupid name, but still. See, Conarp is a
Conarp is nothing special - it has 118 Defense and Special Defense, but that's about it.
[Sigurd used Aura Sphere!]
If this was supposed to be intimidating, then you failed. Even Wave could beat up this thing with no hassle.
Says the person who mindlessly follows Darugis because he didn't like Arceus. Give me a break, man...
"The Jewel of Life is nothing more than a small instrument of proof showing how you'll do whatever it wants. Here, take it."
What is he talking about? I honestly have no idea. What's better is that he just gives us the Jewel of Life despite the fact that would be a good thing for us.
At the very least, him being an idiot works in our favor.
Yeah, seriously.
Light: "I never got to live my life like a normal kid, so I hate everything. Darugis lets me do cooler stuff anyway, like create brand new monsters."
In-Game Monica tells him to cheer up despite the fact he just sucked the souls out of a group of children. She... has some pretty bad character judgement.
("I felt energy being absorbed from my Pokemon every time they were damaged.")
It didn't attack us once! Come on, game. Don't try to make that thing more important than it actually is.
Light: "You still have a lot to learn, Monica. Farewell..."
[The typical fade to black transition]
You're the only person that I like in this story despite everything that's happened, Monica.
The kids get their souls back somehow, thank Monica for saving them and return to Salem. Well, that's nice at the very least.
(By the way, if you step towards the kids here, Light's sprite will suddenly reappear but can't be interacted with. I can't even begin to comprehend what kind of script fuckery is going on there.)
[Advent of the Angels III]
[The Jewel of Life resonates with Monica's presence - the earth shakes as a blinding flash of light washes over the forest]
Excellent.
By the way, this is incredibly important to mention - the Gengar family has Destiny Bond in this. I've seen someone sweep through the entirety of Dark Rising just by abusing Destiny Bond and Revives, which is insane considering what they throw at you.
Frankly, I deleted it off of Hel's moveset the instant I saw it. See, as much as I'd like to cheap through the game... someone's already done the Destiny Bond thing and, personally speaking, it's boring as fuck. I want to make this game suffer for its sins.
Prime example right here.
Aura Saber and Void Bomb are Sigurd's signature moves. Aura Saber has the chance to burn 70% of the time while Void Bomb has a 50% chance to flinch. Their animations are recycled from Aerial Ace and Night Shade respectively.
Now that Sigurd has them, there is absolutely nothing the game can do to stop me.
We are level 90+ on top of all of that. Believe it or not, we have to be this strong to finish the game. There is no text or emoticon in the world that can summarize my emotions better than this:
[The entire team falls over with strained looks on their faces - theme I would use here: The Sewer]
Doctor Roy: "All of the Pokemon in your active team seem to be suffering the effects of overexertion. I recommend you leave them behind for a while, as they are physically unfit to fight in their current state."
Doctor Roy: "Of course they will. All they need is some time for their bodies to adjust to the sudden increase of power. In the meantime, I would recommend using some replacements."
[One quick PC romp later]
[Theme I would use for the B-Team: Variable X]
[The team strikes a pose with Bellamine in the center]
Now we're talkin'! The B-Team finally gets their time to shine in the limelight.
See, while I had the A-Team geared up to rip an Inception level asshole into Dark Rising, I felt there were Pokemon in the PC that never got the appropriate amount of screentime. They may not be as broken, but they're more than enough to get through the rest of this game.
If you tried to pass here before, a disembodied voice would have screamed at you to leave. I don't know who it is, but given the production values of this game so far, I just imagine it's Dark Rising Girl using a cheap voice modifier.
Good eventing there.
Now, despite this place being labeled as the "Rosary Graveyard", there are no graves, no ghosts and no rosaries. You have no idea how pissed I got when you couldn't even get the "spooky" town right.
See, there's a difference between something that's bad and something that's horrible. Something that's horrible tends to be legitimately boring due to failing to impress or not even trying. Dark Rising is both at the same time.
You will live a very short life in this world then, my friend.
Anyway, the mansion of the person we were sent to find is here. Cue retread of an area from the vanilla games in 3, 2--
Are you kidding me?! Even MORE rivals?!
My god, it's like this woman couldn't resist making an awful palette swap of every existing Pokemon character. Like damn, have some self-control.
These new rivals are V's children. They're so powerful that Noah and Syndey tell Monica to just run, so you know this is going to end up horribly.
I'll admit, not-Hilbert has a relatively good color scheme. It's not offensive.
What does he have that's such a threat?
[Burn in Despair!]
WHAT.
HOW DO YOU HAVE A LEVEL 70 KYUREM-BLACK?!
Ignoring the fact that this random person somehow managed to get a specialized form of Kyurem like it was nothing, what frustrates me the most are the game balance issues here.
We have a level 70 legendary with an absolutely monstrous attack stat (170 attack!) armed with max effort values (I've checked with Trainer Editor). Even if you grinded to its level or higher, you wouldn't stand a chance due to it tearing your shit apart with its bare hands.
Also, it is not a forced loss battle - I've tested it. You are supposed to go toe-to-toe with this monstrosity and win. I'd ask Dark Rising Girl if she has any concept of how game design works, but this is proof enough that she clearly doesn't. I'll probably touch on this with an extra chapter after the let's play's done.
Since Uber Dragon here is too much of a threat for even Bellamine (mind, she defeated a literal monster with 180 Attack with the help of my Ninetales in Snakewood), Lumis tanks a hit and picks up the slack.
[Lumis used Dream Eater!]
Kinda hard to feel bad for you and V when you're all trying to kill me.
What do you expect to happen, princess? Do you honestly expect your Uber Dragon to save you?
I'm consistently impressed by the lack of creativity regarding these characters, but it's even worse in this regard seeing as they're literally Hilbert and Hilda with different colors.
Not only that, they come with Kyurem versions of both Reshiram and Zekrom like it was nothing.
That's a new low even for this story.
How is this physically possible?!
It's bad enough that the brother had a one-of-a-kind uber dragon that shouldn't even be in the game if it were properly balanced, but how in the world does his sister have the other form as a separate Pokemon?!
The Black and White forms for Kyurem are made when you fuse either Reshiram or Zekrom with him, with all of them being uber rare legendary dragons... that are practically considered doomsday weapons when put into the hands of an actual villain (Ghetsis from Black/White 2).
I refuse to believe a person with a working knowledge of Pokemon looked at this and said it was okay.
Kyurem-White is the opposite stat wise with a crazy 170 Special Attack, but watch me dismantle it regardless.
[Soul Ablaze]
As such, the entire team will have to work together to take this beast down.
Sathala, you deserve both a purple heart and a medal of honor for tanking that. You are a true badass, my little puffball.
Now that Kyurem-White's confused and has Leech Seeds on him, things are finally in our favor. It's time for a battle between kaiju.
[Ignell used Dragon Pulse!]
Monica and the crew are the heroes for a reason. How shameful is it that your insanely busted legendaries couldn't even slow down a group of normal Pokemon.
Kaiden (Not-Hilbert): "My dad is dead because of you! You'll pay dearly for this!"
Now, In-Game Monica is desperately trying to apologize for this and is sad about it. Our Monica, though?
[Not-Hilbert and Not-Hilda run out of the room with visible fear]
Sydney was fighting V's kids and Noah's Keldeo lead him here. I guess those are good enough reasons for us to suddenly all be here.
Sydney goes on to explain how she kept hearing a dragon's roar and figures it must be the original Kyurem.
This only raises further questions about how Kaiden and Sakura got their Kyurems to begin with. They're not a random Pokemon you can find down the street, guys, you can't just get them whenever you want.
Anyway, wow. That's all I can handle for this chapter. Let's hope I don't get an aneurysm from playing the rest of the game.
See you then.
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Team setup:
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Back up team: