Kelsey
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- 1,912
- Posts
- 20
- Years
- Seen Mar 30, 2005
Wow, this fic was very well written MewMan! ^_____^ I like how this is set somewhat in the future. What with the robots and all, it's a very great setting IMO.
You have paragraphs, so that makes me very happy! <3
I saw one spelling/grammer mistake. I think LT pointed it out for you already, but here it is again:
"as the robots would definitely robots" -unless you have a meaning to this, I stand corrected. XD
I like how this story begins kind of describing who Liamoon is and a bit of his background. That is always very helpful when reading a fanfic. ^_____^ You could put more effort into describing Liamoon's family and his surroundings. This will help to create a better picture for the reader.
Well, that's about it, keep up the good work, MM! ^_~
~Kelsey
You have paragraphs, so that makes me very happy! <3
I saw one spelling/grammer mistake. I think LT pointed it out for you already, but here it is again:
"as the robots would definitely robots" -unless you have a meaning to this, I stand corrected. XD
I like how this story begins kind of describing who Liamoon is and a bit of his background. That is always very helpful when reading a fanfic. ^_____^ You could put more effort into describing Liamoon's family and his surroundings. This will help to create a better picture for the reader.
Well, that's about it, keep up the good work, MM! ^_~
~Kelsey