Michii
as in Mishy
- 1,322
- Posts
- 17
- Years
- Age 30
- United States
- Seen Jan 1, 2012
When you think about it, PC is an incredible place. Many of us have made what seems like life-long friends. Some of us have found true love. We spend our mornings, afternoons, and evenings here when we can. There are so many people to learn from and so many things to do. We focus so much on negativity and unimportant happenings that we miss this. We miss what's truly good in our lives. We take things for granted. We avoid what's real in exchange for ignorance.
Maybe I should better explain myself. I woke up this morning after a late night on the forum. My mind was racing for seemingly no reason and I couldn't get my mind off of here. Yeah, I have additional things to worry about. I have my schooling beginning again tomorrow. It's a return to heartache, stress, and drama for me. But PC? What's it been for me in the week and a half that has been my break? It's been an escape; it's been a place for me to be with my friends while my real life friends party. They forgot about me, but here, I'm loved. Appreciated. So what has sparked this blog? Going back to this morning, I felt so very odd. I jumped in the shower, but couldn't get my mind off of here. If any of you know me, you'll know that I'm a very analytical person. Sometimes when there's an odd thing bothering me, I analyze it to the core. That's what I did for PC, and that's what has sparked this.
In the past week and a half, I can honestly say that this forum has effected me more than it has ever in the two years and three days that I've been here. I've begun to realize that some things aren't what they seem. I've begun to see what this place is. You know, in the last week and a half, I've also been told so many things that I didn't understand. I've been told of multiple people leaving. I've been told that this place isn't alive and thriving. I've been told that we're marked for who we talk to. The first statement upset me immensely. The second provoked a fear but lack of comprehension remained. That last hit me hard, merely because of the person that I've marked myself as. Statements are a funny thing. They flow out of one's mouth (or one's fingers) so easily, but they run so deep into one's thought process. So what's the point? I'm not even sure, but try to hear me out still.
I'll begin with the three things that I analyzed first, the three statements above. I'll begin with the first, the statement dealing with people leaving. After meeting the people that I've met and learning the things that I've learned, I've come to a realization. Whoever says that "it's just the internet, get over it" is a freaking moron. No, it's not just the internet. If it were just the internet, then these people what we've come to know and love would be nothing. But that's just it, they're not. They, like you and I, sit behind a computer and type their words out, or speak through a microphone the size of your thumb. Beyond the fragile microphone and the all-powerful keyboard is someone's entire life. They get away from this system and enter a world that we cannot imagine. They breathe, they eat, they sleep, and they work. They laugh, they cry, and they think, just like us. So when someone leaves this forum, it's no joke. It's not just about that little picture by their username displaying their perpetual state of being offline. It's about a real person, someone that you've come to know, leaving. I'm going to throw this out there, but I know that I haven't lost all of my innocence yet. I excitedly come on PC each day, hoping for the world that has become my escape to be exactly as it was when I hit the x button the night before. When it's not the same, I'm unsure what to do. A little piece of certainty is broken off. I do know that nothing lasts forever. You, myself, and each of these members will cease to post eventually. But there's always that little part of me that hopes and prays that things can be the same forever. I think we all know that, when things happen that are different than expected, we can be dramatically effected.
December 24th was the first day of break. I woke up, went on PC, and lurked for the day before going to my Nana's. On Christmas, I woke up, opened gifts, went on PC, and then went to my Aunts. From the 26th-30th, except for one of those days, I was on from noon until midnight or later. I spent the 31st here, but also went out to eat. I was here when the new decade began. I was here on the 1st. I was here yesterday. All seemed well for me. I guess I'm secluded in a way. For me, the only section that I heavily frequent is OVP. In my opinion, activity is the same as always, slightly less if anything towards the argument. When I was told that PC is practically dead, I automatically assumed it false. How could anyone not be here? How could the fun be taken away from it? How could melancholy sweep through each section like an epidemic? I didn't get it. I know it's break, and a lot of people take that time for fun and vacation, but it didn't make sense. Yes, I do realize that all forums have this. Yes, I do realize that there are reasons within the Pokemon company that could slow this down. Yes, I realize that this might all be talk from people that lacks a firm base. But still, I was frightened. I came here for a fresh start for the New Year in 2008. I left behind the old forum that I frequented. My own forum was basically done. My old friends moved on from their time with me. PC became my sole reason for getting on the internet for awhile. Even the thought of it ending eventually, thinking that my friends will no longer be here, scared me more than slightly. Since I was presented with this statement, I've been able to break it down and find answers. I've been able to debunk it in a way and move on. It no longer bothers me, though it will always remain in the back of my mind.
The third, and most important subject, is identity. When I first joined PC, I wanted to make it known that I was not like anyone else, nor would I be defined by anyone else. Heh, it got me into a lot of trouble, and I know I overdid it. But I was just a tough little thirteen year old trying to fit in by standing out, if that makes sense. I remember being lonely, being antisocial, but being me. That's what I don't understand. When I got friends, was I still me? Was I an individual, or was I subjected to the sad fact that I hung out with certain people? I've never really addressed this exact subject, but I have touched on it back in June. That month was the first time I was told of this statement, this statement of you are who you hang out with, and it bothered me. June was when I found my friends, and June, I was told, was the month that I was marked.
Who are we, as PC members? Are we single individuals, or are we thrown into a pot with those who are like us? Are we given a name, or are we given a group? I'd like to throw away the latter in both situations, but I've been told otherwise. I've always gone against being marked, but I was told that it's impossible. I was told in June, I was told in September, and I was told this past week. So what makes us who we're marked as? What makes us the deep and loving moderator hidden by members' ignorance, the approachable administrator because of a funny obsession, and the member who seems to hold an expectation that seems impossible? What makes us a leader of a clique, a lonesome and picked on member, and the group that's poked fun at? Must we be defined as this? Must we carry around a sign that hold others' opinions? Or maybe there is no must. Maybe we create the definitions and signs ourselves.
Regardless, I've looked at the situation many times from a bias standpoint. Looking from my eyes, this all seems barbaric and horrid. But is it really? As I said, maybe we create these definitions and signs. We, as people, are not God. We are not divine, and we are not perfect. We're flawed individuals. We make bad decisions and we do wretched things to one another. Sometimes our choice to be cool with our friends overrides the thoughts of someone's feelings. But what happens to our world when this is through everyone? Will false knowledge override real? Will we be subjected to hardships because of our race, our associations, etc etc etc? Ah, but this is already happening. It's happening all around the world, and even the safety of computer screens can't prevent it from happening to our community.
I guess I'm rambling about this. I'm not saying that we're dwelling in a corrupt society in PC that is terrible. I guess I'm pointing to the extremes as much as I can to try to push this idea out of my head. Are we marked? Are we really put into a list of people not to talk to or associate with because of our friends? If my best friend turned out to be a serial killer, does that make me one? I'm really not sure.
It's funny how similar we all are but how scrambled our unity is. At any given time, there are 200 members active here at PC. How many of them do we judge before we know? Heck, how many do we even know? I'm not saying that we should all be best friends, nonono. But we should consider the story and situations of each and every person's life before we jump to conclusions. We all have issues. We all have destruction and chaos in our lives. We have things that make us breakdown and we have things that shut us down. Then, there's the fact that out of those 200 people, none are the same. You can learn so many things from a single person. But what happens if we're against each other and our paths don't cross? How will we grow and learn? We might be missing on the best thing of our life.
I'm me, don't you forget that. I value my friends and I stand by them, but I. Am. Me. You are you, too. You're not who your friends are. You're NOT what has happened to you. But we can still be us. A community, a family, a home. If only we could see what we have here. All of these people, all of these stories. We could tell quite a tale here, couldn't we.
I close with a story from early 2008. I still had some of my friends from SPPf. I remember always thinking I was cool for being from the forum. I felt like an immigrant at PC, though. One day, I was talking to one of my friends from that site. I had gotten her to join the community, but she wasn't posting much. When I asked her why she wasn't posting, she told me something that changed me on PC. "No, I'm not like them. They're different from the people over here. They're too nice." I asked her what she was talking about and told her that she still had me. "That's the problem," she responded. "You're turning into them. You're not like us anymore." Initially, it upset me. I thought I was losing the bold individuality that I thought I had become known for. But, after thinking about it, I realized that I was proud of it. I was proud to be a member of PC. And you know, I no longer felt like an immigrant from that point on. I felt like I had always been at PC. I was always like them, like you, and that was where my internet life was really born.
Maybe I should better explain myself. I woke up this morning after a late night on the forum. My mind was racing for seemingly no reason and I couldn't get my mind off of here. Yeah, I have additional things to worry about. I have my schooling beginning again tomorrow. It's a return to heartache, stress, and drama for me. But PC? What's it been for me in the week and a half that has been my break? It's been an escape; it's been a place for me to be with my friends while my real life friends party. They forgot about me, but here, I'm loved. Appreciated. So what has sparked this blog? Going back to this morning, I felt so very odd. I jumped in the shower, but couldn't get my mind off of here. If any of you know me, you'll know that I'm a very analytical person. Sometimes when there's an odd thing bothering me, I analyze it to the core. That's what I did for PC, and that's what has sparked this.
In the past week and a half, I can honestly say that this forum has effected me more than it has ever in the two years and three days that I've been here. I've begun to realize that some things aren't what they seem. I've begun to see what this place is. You know, in the last week and a half, I've also been told so many things that I didn't understand. I've been told of multiple people leaving. I've been told that this place isn't alive and thriving. I've been told that we're marked for who we talk to. The first statement upset me immensely. The second provoked a fear but lack of comprehension remained. That last hit me hard, merely because of the person that I've marked myself as. Statements are a funny thing. They flow out of one's mouth (or one's fingers) so easily, but they run so deep into one's thought process. So what's the point? I'm not even sure, but try to hear me out still.
I'll begin with the three things that I analyzed first, the three statements above. I'll begin with the first, the statement dealing with people leaving. After meeting the people that I've met and learning the things that I've learned, I've come to a realization. Whoever says that "it's just the internet, get over it" is a freaking moron. No, it's not just the internet. If it were just the internet, then these people what we've come to know and love would be nothing. But that's just it, they're not. They, like you and I, sit behind a computer and type their words out, or speak through a microphone the size of your thumb. Beyond the fragile microphone and the all-powerful keyboard is someone's entire life. They get away from this system and enter a world that we cannot imagine. They breathe, they eat, they sleep, and they work. They laugh, they cry, and they think, just like us. So when someone leaves this forum, it's no joke. It's not just about that little picture by their username displaying their perpetual state of being offline. It's about a real person, someone that you've come to know, leaving. I'm going to throw this out there, but I know that I haven't lost all of my innocence yet. I excitedly come on PC each day, hoping for the world that has become my escape to be exactly as it was when I hit the x button the night before. When it's not the same, I'm unsure what to do. A little piece of certainty is broken off. I do know that nothing lasts forever. You, myself, and each of these members will cease to post eventually. But there's always that little part of me that hopes and prays that things can be the same forever. I think we all know that, when things happen that are different than expected, we can be dramatically effected.
December 24th was the first day of break. I woke up, went on PC, and lurked for the day before going to my Nana's. On Christmas, I woke up, opened gifts, went on PC, and then went to my Aunts. From the 26th-30th, except for one of those days, I was on from noon until midnight or later. I spent the 31st here, but also went out to eat. I was here when the new decade began. I was here on the 1st. I was here yesterday. All seemed well for me. I guess I'm secluded in a way. For me, the only section that I heavily frequent is OVP. In my opinion, activity is the same as always, slightly less if anything towards the argument. When I was told that PC is practically dead, I automatically assumed it false. How could anyone not be here? How could the fun be taken away from it? How could melancholy sweep through each section like an epidemic? I didn't get it. I know it's break, and a lot of people take that time for fun and vacation, but it didn't make sense. Yes, I do realize that all forums have this. Yes, I do realize that there are reasons within the Pokemon company that could slow this down. Yes, I realize that this might all be talk from people that lacks a firm base. But still, I was frightened. I came here for a fresh start for the New Year in 2008. I left behind the old forum that I frequented. My own forum was basically done. My old friends moved on from their time with me. PC became my sole reason for getting on the internet for awhile. Even the thought of it ending eventually, thinking that my friends will no longer be here, scared me more than slightly. Since I was presented with this statement, I've been able to break it down and find answers. I've been able to debunk it in a way and move on. It no longer bothers me, though it will always remain in the back of my mind.
The third, and most important subject, is identity. When I first joined PC, I wanted to make it known that I was not like anyone else, nor would I be defined by anyone else. Heh, it got me into a lot of trouble, and I know I overdid it. But I was just a tough little thirteen year old trying to fit in by standing out, if that makes sense. I remember being lonely, being antisocial, but being me. That's what I don't understand. When I got friends, was I still me? Was I an individual, or was I subjected to the sad fact that I hung out with certain people? I've never really addressed this exact subject, but I have touched on it back in June. That month was the first time I was told of this statement, this statement of you are who you hang out with, and it bothered me. June was when I found my friends, and June, I was told, was the month that I was marked.
Who are we, as PC members? Are we single individuals, or are we thrown into a pot with those who are like us? Are we given a name, or are we given a group? I'd like to throw away the latter in both situations, but I've been told otherwise. I've always gone against being marked, but I was told that it's impossible. I was told in June, I was told in September, and I was told this past week. So what makes us who we're marked as? What makes us the deep and loving moderator hidden by members' ignorance, the approachable administrator because of a funny obsession, and the member who seems to hold an expectation that seems impossible? What makes us a leader of a clique, a lonesome and picked on member, and the group that's poked fun at? Must we be defined as this? Must we carry around a sign that hold others' opinions? Or maybe there is no must. Maybe we create the definitions and signs ourselves.
Regardless, I've looked at the situation many times from a bias standpoint. Looking from my eyes, this all seems barbaric and horrid. But is it really? As I said, maybe we create these definitions and signs. We, as people, are not God. We are not divine, and we are not perfect. We're flawed individuals. We make bad decisions and we do wretched things to one another. Sometimes our choice to be cool with our friends overrides the thoughts of someone's feelings. But what happens to our world when this is through everyone? Will false knowledge override real? Will we be subjected to hardships because of our race, our associations, etc etc etc? Ah, but this is already happening. It's happening all around the world, and even the safety of computer screens can't prevent it from happening to our community.
I guess I'm rambling about this. I'm not saying that we're dwelling in a corrupt society in PC that is terrible. I guess I'm pointing to the extremes as much as I can to try to push this idea out of my head. Are we marked? Are we really put into a list of people not to talk to or associate with because of our friends? If my best friend turned out to be a serial killer, does that make me one? I'm really not sure.
It's funny how similar we all are but how scrambled our unity is. At any given time, there are 200 members active here at PC. How many of them do we judge before we know? Heck, how many do we even know? I'm not saying that we should all be best friends, nonono. But we should consider the story and situations of each and every person's life before we jump to conclusions. We all have issues. We all have destruction and chaos in our lives. We have things that make us breakdown and we have things that shut us down. Then, there's the fact that out of those 200 people, none are the same. You can learn so many things from a single person. But what happens if we're against each other and our paths don't cross? How will we grow and learn? We might be missing on the best thing of our life.
I'm me, don't you forget that. I value my friends and I stand by them, but I. Am. Me. You are you, too. You're not who your friends are. You're NOT what has happened to you. But we can still be us. A community, a family, a home. If only we could see what we have here. All of these people, all of these stories. We could tell quite a tale here, couldn't we.
I close with a story from early 2008. I still had some of my friends from SPPf. I remember always thinking I was cool for being from the forum. I felt like an immigrant at PC, though. One day, I was talking to one of my friends from that site. I had gotten her to join the community, but she wasn't posting much. When I asked her why she wasn't posting, she told me something that changed me on PC. "No, I'm not like them. They're different from the people over here. They're too nice." I asked her what she was talking about and told her that she still had me. "That's the problem," she responded. "You're turning into them. You're not like us anymore." Initially, it upset me. I thought I was losing the bold individuality that I thought I had become known for. But, after thinking about it, I realized that I was proud of it. I was proud to be a member of PC. And you know, I no longer felt like an immigrant from that point on. I felt like I had always been at PC. I was always like them, like you, and that was where my internet life was really born.
