Life of a Character

[Dragonfree]

(A/N: This is a parody of bad Pok?mon fics that also includes flat-out ranting that's not exactly humourous. The first chapter should be read to have a basic understanding of the concept, but otherwise the chapters aren't very linked to each other so you should be fine skipping some if you feel like it.)



Chapter 1


Once upon a time, there was a girl.

All of a sudden, she started to exist. She didn't know how or why; she just did. All around her was darkness. She herself was merely a spirit.

She was twelve years old.

She felt herself grow a body; the body of a young girl. Or well, more like a black, misty shape that would vaguely remind the viewer of a young girl.

She had flaming red hair

?AHHH! IT BURNS!!!? she screamed as her hair blazed up in fire. Thankfully it died down after a second, to be replaced with normal, red hair with an unknown haircut.

and dazzling green eyes

She blinked a few times with her new eyes. At least she wouldn?t appear like just as much of a freak now as she had just a minute earlier.

and her name was Ashley Ketchum Waterflower.

?Oh, no, please, not that name,? Ashley groaned. But this was the author's will.

Her parents were Ash Ketchum, 36, and Misty Waterflower, 32.

Memories started coming to Ashley, of her father and mother. Misty had been sent into space where time passes slower, which was why Ash was now four years older than her while he had been two years younger when they were kids.

It was now her birthday and she was really excited because she would now be getting her first Pok?mon.

Ashley felt an unexplainable feeling of excitement. She'd be getting a Pok?mon! From the memories she had just earned, she had looked forward to this day for her whole life.

Her father took her to his lab

She found herself in a very dark place. It was some kind of a laboratory, but everything was shrouded in shadow so that the details were impossible to make out. She saw her father, or at least what she assumed was him since it was so dark, standing near her. The place was way too depressing for the unnatural, jumpy feeling in her stomach.

and handed her a Pok?ball.

Ash, or at least his shadow, gave her a small sphere. She couldn?t see it in the dark, so she just took it.

?This is Articuno,? he said. ?Use it wisely.?

Ashley gave him a strange look. ?Dad,? she said unsurely, ?isn?t Articuno a Legendary Pok?mon??

?Of course it is,? he replied. ?But what wouldn?t I do for my lovely little Mary-Sue of a daughter??

She shrugged.

?Thanks, Dad,? Ashley said and went out of the lab.

She felt a bit guilty about leaving her parents without even saying goodbye, but again, it was the author?s will. There was nothing at all outside except black. Then she felt herself fade away.

-------

She reappeared in some kind of a room. Unlike the darkish surroundings she had been in earlier, this one was filled with light and warmth. It was rather plain ? just white walls, white floor and white ceiling with a fire burning merrily in a fireplace at the end ? but to her delight, she found a crowd of girls there.

Some of them looked fine, but unfortunately a lot of them were just shadows like her. Many weren?t even lucky enough to have hair or eyes at all.

?Hey, you new?? came a girl from behind her. She looked about fourteen years old and wore a yellow T-shirt with a Pok?ball on the front and black pants.

?Yeah,? said Ashley thankfully. ?What place is this??

?It?s the Pok?mon Fanfiction Character Camp,? the girl explained swiping a strand of her dark blue hair out of her bright green eyes. ?The girls? house, to be exact. My name is Abby.?

?I?m Ashley,? she replied, blushing.

?Uh huh,? said Abby, raising her eyebrows. ?Ash and Misty?s daughter, I assume??

?Yeah,? Ashley sighed.

?Now?? Abby ran her eyes around Ashley?s shadowed body, ?I can tell from a mile away that your author is bad, but just how bad? How long was your first chapter??

?Well,? Ashley muttered, ?ten sentences, including the ?Chapter 1? at the top.?

Abby shook her head. ?Really bad,? she said.

?I envy you, you?re at least described properly,? Ashley said miserably. ?How long have you been here??

?Actually?? Abby leant closer to Ashley and whispered, ?I?m not technically even here yet.?

?What do you mean?? asked Ashley, confused.

?Well, you see, I?m still in my first chapter. My author is writing a fic about us right now.?

?Really?? Ashley asked, her eyes wide. ?You mean we have the same author??

?Well, see? your author is a character of mine?s, if you get what I mean.?

Ashley shrugged. She didn?t exactly get it, but she felt that Abby would never be able to fully explain it to her.

?Anyway,? Abby changed the subject, ?that?s how I know all this stuff about this place. My author made me know it.? She winked. ?If you?re wondering about something, just ask.?

?All right?? Ashley thought for a second. ?What will happen tomorrow??

?Your second chapter will be written,? said Abby. ?In your author?s world, many days may pass, or even just hours, but here it?s always one day. When you wake up tomorrow, you?ll be in your fic.?

?Oh man,? Ashley groaned. Abby giggled.

?Well, I assure you that you?re not the worst one off here. Tonight you?ll get to hear some stories, and by the time you get to bed, you?re going to feel very, very thankful for your author.?

Ashley had the feeling that she had been born into a world of pain.

 

[Lily]

LOL I really liked reading this..XD

The last part was funny, how she wasn't described properly. Wow, just hilarious. XD No wonder, I was confused at first, thinking if this would be the whole chapter. Mmm I loved the ending the best, and Mary-Sue was written all over Ashley. I can't wait for chapter 2, if there is, since this would prove tp be rather a funny incident...wow, great job here! ^^

 

[Gohan]

haha funny.they're describing their authers.just hilarious!!write more so I can laugh.write lots more please.

 

[Mari]

XD~!!

This is so cool! Not only did you make it enjoyable and funny, you describe everything well. Making it far more enjoyable to read, for me at least. Everything you put in there made sense really, it's not a big deal really, but most parody fics I read were really confusing.

I hope there's more soon...this ficcy's fun! X3

 

[Dragonfree]

Chapter 3

Ashley found herself awake after a night of unpleasant dreams about ?Agony in Ashley?. She heard the voice of the narration in her head, even though she wasn?t actually transported to the set.

To reviewers:

?Oh no,? she whimpered.

--Sorry, but this wasn?t very good. It was way too short to be a proper chapter and that name just irks me. And why did she leave without even saying goodbye? Your spelling and grammar are good, though.

?Listen to that person, listen to that person?? Ashley prayed.

Well, this is my fic and if I want to have my chapters short, they will be short. And I had to go away from my computer so I couldn?t write more. There is nothing wrong with her name, I think it?s beautiful. And she said goodbye, I just didn?t write it!!

Ashley sighed. ?Shouldn?t have gotten my hopes up.?

--THE BEST STORY EVA!!!!! CONTINUE!!!

Ashley banged her head against the wall.

Thanks! ^_^ Your story is really good too!

?Why do I doubt it is?? Ashley groaned.

--You call this a fic? It sucks! Everything sucks about it! You suck!

Ashley heartily agreed with this person, although the review itself technically sucked too.

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY I SUCK! GO AWAY!

Ashley sighed again.

--Canon rape if I ever saw one. First off, Misty is older than Ash. ?Ashley Ketchum Waterflower? is the worst name ever invented. Secondly, Ash is OOC; ?Use it wisely? sounds nothing like Ash. I highly doubt he?d even become a professor. Ashley is flatter than a sheet of paper and a blatant Mary-Sue. She received a freaking ARTICUNO for a starter, with absolutely no explanation on how Ash got it. I don?t know how you managed to get that much wrong in such a miniscule chapter, but you did. Congratulations.

Ashley bit her lip. It was a lovely, constructive review, but unfortunately she knew what was coming?

Stop flaming me!!! I?m just ten, I mean, what is your problem? Instead of being nice, you start flaming me with stupid nitpicky comments!

Ashley took a deep breath.

--This is a very good fic, a little short, but otherwise there?s nothing wrong.

?NOTHING WRONG?? Ashley screamed. ?OF COURSE THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG!?

Thanks, I hope you read more!

Ashley saw the strategy behind the author?s comments: she told the ones who criticized her to go away, and the ones who liked the fic to read more.

--This is way too fast-paced. You could have made a much longer chapter with the same happenings. If you described things more, you could have made the chapter much longer, and you shouldn?t just say that Ash is her father and Misty is her mother; you can include it in the story. Otherwise it was pretty good.

?This is so not flaming,? Ashley muttered. ?Don?t try to tell me this is flaming.?

Thanks! I?ll try to make the next chapter longer.

?Er? didn?t you just say that you decided how long your chapters would be?? Ashley pointed out. The Author, naturally, didn?t hear her, and Ashley found herself absorbed into the darkness of the chapter.

-------

Ashley headed out to Route 1! It was very grassy and Ashley loved smelling the flowers.

The darkness around her slowly lifted to reveal a grassy field. Trees and flowers grew all around it, and Ashley felt a weird urge to start smelling all the flowers for some reason. Somehow she loved doing it, even though the flowers didn?t actually have any scent to smell.

Then there came a mean guy called Dave.

All of a sudden, a shadow was standing in front of her. The name ?DAVE? read in big letters across his face. Ashley immediately felt that she didn?t like him at all.

Dave: Hey, you?re a girl! I?ll beat you in a Pok?mon fight any day!!!

?Er? why are you speaking in script format?? asked Ashley, confused. ?And why are you sexist??

?Cuz I?m TEH MEANIE!!!!? answered Dave meanly. Ashley realized to her horror that this must be her evil rival who abused exclamation marks. She edged away in an attempt to get around him.

Ashley: You?re so immature, grow up.

Ashley groaned and muttered a swear word. Why did she have to go back at him? And in script format?

Dave: Haha, let?s have a Pok?mon battle about it!

?A Pok?mon battle about whether you?re immature?? asked Ashley puzzled. ?How is that supposed to work??

?Shut up, I?m just TEH MEANIE!!!!? Dave snorted.

Ashley: I?ll kick your ***! Go Articuno!

An absolutely formless shadow appeared in front of her. It did have ?ARTICUNO? written across it, though, allowing Ashley to know what it was. She couldn?t help thinking that Articuno was horribly ugly like that; it was such a shame, considering that Articuno was supposed to be a beautiful Pok?mon.

Dave: Go Charmander!

Another shadow appeared in front of Dave, this one with ?CHARMANDER? written on it.

Ashley: Articuno, use Ice Beam!

?Why do I have to obey you?? Articuno snorted. ?I?m a Legendary. You?re a Mary-Sue.?

Charmander fainted!

The shadow called Charmander randomly dropped down to the ground. Articuno hadn?t actually hit him with anything, but he probably just fainted from the pressure or something.

Dave: Puny Charmander! You?re weak, you couldn?t even defeat a girl! And I hate weak Pok?mon!

?Because I?m TEH MEANIE!!!!? Dave added.

Dave left his Charmander with Ashley and it was raining, so Ashley took the Charmander. Because she saved him, he decided to come with her! Now Ashley had a new Pok?mon!

Ashley felt herself disappear to the Fanfiction Character Camp again. She was relieved that the chapter was over.

 

[Miyu-chan]

lol, really nicely written, it reminds me of some of the first few attempts of writing a fanfiction that I did. :P I love how you sort of wrote two versions of the story. xD; Love it. <3

 

[Dragonfree]

Hm? I appear never to have posted chapter two here... oh well, here it is...




WARNING: My main victims in this chapter are NC-17 rated. While the chapter itself does not technically contain anything nastier than maybe PG-13, it is disturbing. Read at your own risk!



Chapter 2

In the evening, all the girls sat down on the floor of the big room. Upstairs there were dormitories and bathrooms, as well as the kitchen, but in this room they could sit and chat about their authors and fics.

Now the lights were out, and they were just sitting cosily in groups by the fireplace. The new girls sat together in a circle.

?Meet Ashley Ketchum Waterflower,? Ashley said dully, ?who got an Articuno for a starter in a ten-sentence-long chapter one.?

Another, very pretty girl started sulkily: ?Ash is in love with me, I?m the youngest Champion of the century and I have caught all the legendaries ? all of which was way too unimportant to actually put it in the fic, so it was rather just briefly mentioned at the beginning.?

The others shook their heads.

?My Pok?mon battle by screaming their names at each other,? moaned a shadow.

?My lines are horribly cheesy,? a girl who looked exactly like the female player on FireRed and LeafGreen sighed.

?I?m a Mary-Sue!?

?My author has a horrible taste in clothes!?

?My author spent half of the chapter making me cut myself with a pocket knife!?

?I?m a cardboard cut-out!?

?She made me fall in love with that cocky main character!?

?My personality is so exaggerated!?

After a few more of those shouts, most of the girls seemed to have finished complaining. They looked around for somebody who had yet to tell her story.

?Well, my author was amazingly inspired today, and started writing a fic about this place,? Abby explained. ?So she wrote about me and Ashley meeting in the first chapter.?

All the girls turned to the last one, who, according to Abby, was named Clare. She was a blonde with big blue eyes, an unnatural haircut, dressed in sexy clothes and looked disgustingly perfect in every other aspect. It seemed almost out of character that she had been sitting there quiet, looking down, during the whole conversation. She was now the only one who hadn?t told about her first chapter yet.

?How was your chapter?? asked Ashley cautiously.

?Well?? Clare said miserably, still looking down. ?It didn?t start out so bad; it was decently written and I went to Professor Oak?s lab and got a Bulbasaur, but then I started off and?? She finished it in a whisper that nobody could hear.

?Sorry?? a brown-haired, sixteen-year-old girl named Mary inquired. ?We didn?t get the last part.?

?I?? Again Clare found herself unable to finish the sentence loud enough for anybody to hear.

?Come on, just say it!? another girl urged her.

?Fine, I got RAPED!? Clare yelled, tears of anger running down her cheeks. Several of the girls nearby gasped in horror, including Ashley. Abby just looked down.

?By who?? asked a sixteen-year-old girl from another group that was slightly apart from the others.

?My Bulbasaur,? Clare sobbed. ?And some wild Pok?mon that came afterwards??

?And your age is what?? the sixteen-year-old questioned.

?Thirteen,? said Clare shakily.

?Do you think your author has plans for more nasty stuff??

?Y-yes,? Clare whispered. ?The? the Author?s Note...?

The other girl sighed heavily. ?Well, tomorrow you can join us here, and we?ll give you all the assistance that we can. Hopefully, you?ll get used to it sooner or later, but I?m afraid there?s no escaping your fic.?

?They?re the rapefic characters,? Abby whispered to Ashley. ?Poor girls, made to be abused, and sometimes even forced to like it.?

?That?s horrible,? Ashley muttered. ?Why are they so apart from the rest of us??

Abby shook her head sadly. ?Because they know what you?re thinking. They know that they make the rest of us feel guilty. It?s to keep us sane.?

Ashley sighed. ?Is Clare going to be joining them tomorrow??

?Yeah,? said Abby quietly. ?But they?re probably the closest of all the characters here. She?s going to be better off with them than with us.?

?Maybe,? Ashley said. ?But still? isn?t that horrible?? She cringed, glancing at Clare. She had now curled up on the floor and seemed to be crying.

?Of course it is,? Abby said sympathetically. ?But some authors just love to torture their characters.? She paused. ?I trust you haven?t read Agony in Pink??

?No,? said Ashley. ?I just started to exist today, you know.?

?Thought not.? Abby shrugged. ?Lucky you.?

?What is it?? asked Ashley curiously. Abby turned towards her.

?It?s character torture of the worst sort. I believe she?s still in a mental hospital, crying hysterically all day, moaning and screaming. I personally have no idea who would want to read that stuff, anyway...?

Ashley sat, stunned, and prayed that her author had never heard of Agony in Pink or at the very least had no intentions of imitating it.


(A/N: If you really want to know what Agony in Pink is, go ahead and look it up, but I guarantee you that even if you have a strong stomach, you're going to have a very hard time reading those descriptions without vomiting all over your computer screen, so I suggest you don't.)

 

[sparklythingy]

I remember reading this on Serebii, and I never had time to type up a comment, so here I am. I'm enjoying this a lot - it pokes fun at a lot of the main deficiencies of fanfiction in the Pok?mon fandom, which I like. I also like how the characters have minds of their own, and don't like what the Authors are doing to them...

And the reference to Agony in Pink made me gigglewince. Are you a GAFF member, then? *shudders* Even the summary of that one was... no. Just no. It's disturbing what some people write about...

 

[Miyu-chan]

Wow, are there really pokemon fanfics like that? o.O; I went to search for Agony in Pink... and the summery was... scary. x.x; I've just always looked to it as a kids show... and... x.x;

 

[Dragonfree]

Are you a GAFF member, then?

Not a member, but I browse around there every now and then. Especially when I feel like getting some inspiration for this.

Wow, are there really pokemon fanfics like that? o.O;

Not like Agony in Pink as far as I know, but there's this one posted on GAFF recently called "Pok?mon Breeding Center III" which was almost as disturbing as Celebrian. Then there's Tentacruel raping Misty, Tangela raping Misty, Charizard raping Liza, Pikachu raping Bulbasaur (that one's very infamous), Pikachu raping Misty, a bunch of female Pok?mon raping Brock, Celebi raping Mew...

 

[Dragonfree]

Chapter 4

?Oh, hi, Ashley!? Abby greeted merrily. ?How was your chapter??

?Lousy,? Ashley sighed. ?I got to know my meanie rival, I battled his Charmander, I won and he abandoned his Charmander so I saved it because I?m so nice. Oh, and the dialogue was in script format.?

Abby looked pained. ?Well, we?ll hope your author improves. Speaking of which, any reviews??

?Yep,? Ashley replied. ?Six of them.?

Abby raised an eyebrow. ?Well, it?s true what they say, that bad fics usually get more replies. Any proper ones??

?Three of them had a point.? Ashley paused. ?What?s the usual??

Abby shrugged. ?Well, it differs between where exactly the fic is being posted.?

?Oh,? Ashley replied blankly. ?Well, I don?t know where that is.?

?We can never know, but it can?t be a very sensible place if you half of yours made no sense ? I assume that?s what you meant??

?Well, one of the others did say it was short,? Ashley admitted. ?But they claimed that otherwise there was ?nothing wrong? so? oh man, that person is to be felt sorry for.?

She stared at a shadow who had just appeared in the room. Unlike most of the other shadows, who at least were shaped enough for her to be able to tell that they were girls, this one was just like a cloud of absolutely formless, wispy mist. It didn?t even have a name written across it. Actually, it could have been a Pok?mon for all she could tell, but this house was only for human girls so that must at least have been the author?s intention.

The shadow walked ? or hovered ? over to them.

?What is this room we are located in??

?This is the human girls? house of the Pok?mon Fanfiction Character Camp,? Abby answered immediately. ?This is where you will stay between your chapters. How was your first chapter??

The shadow shrugged, or at least Ashley imagined that was what she was doing. ?Not disappointing, although rather too short to tell for certain.?

?Well, I think I can tell a lot of things about the fic already,? Ashley commented.

?Why?? asked the shadow. Ashley raised an eyebrow in disbelief; had the shadow not noticed her own lack of description?

?Ashley,? Abby hissed in her ear, ?she?s probably an Exception.?

?Exception?? Ashley asked curiously.

?It means,? the shadow explained, ?that my appearance is not a result of my author?s inability to describe me, but rather lack of reason to do so.?

?Huh?? Ashley just said.

?My chapter was a prologue,? the shadow continued. ?In order to create suspense, my author shrouded my identity in mystery. The writing is rather advanced and I am true to my personality, so I would call it promising.?

Ashley blushed. ?Sorry? I?ve never met an Exception before.?

?You are forgiven,? said the shadow. ?You cannot be blamed for assuming the obvious.? She sighed. ?I am fortunate, but I can tell you are not quite so much so.?

?No,? said Ashley miserably. ?My name is Ashley Ketchum Waterflower.?

The shadow sighed sympathetically. ?Good luck.?

Then she floated away.

?Are there any more Exceptions?? Ashley asked Abby.

?Yeah, of course,? Abby replied. ?Want to meet some??

Ashley shrugged, and Abby took her arm and dragged her towards a shadow who was chatting with a few other girls in a corner. Ashley stopped to stare. The name written across the shadow was ?WENDY MARY-SUE GOODY TWO-SHOES?.

?Hi, Wendy,? said Abby cheerfully.

Wendy turned around. ?Hi,? she greeted back. ?Oh ? hi, Ashley.? She snickered.

?Look who?s talking,? said Ashley, still staring at Wendy?s name. Abby cracked up.

?Wendy?s fic is a parody,? she said, laughing.

?Yeah,? Wendy confirmed. ?My name was deliberately chosen to be absolutely ridiculous. The ?Wendy? is supposed to sound like 1D, or one-dimensional. Then ?Mary-Sue? is self-explanatory, and the ?Goody Two-Shoes? part is because I?m that type of a Mary-Sue. Parodies are really fun to star in most of the time.?

?What is your fic like?? Ashley asked curiously.

?Well,? Wendy began, ?I got a Kyogre from Professor Firewood. Then I found an injured Mew and I felt so sorry for it that my magical healing powers that I had never known about healed it. It was so thankful that it decided to travel with me. Then I met an old woman who said I looked trustworthy so she gave me a Pichu egg. I took so good care of it that it hatched just as I entered the next city, and Pichu loved me immediately. Then it told me that its mom had been taken away by Team Rocket, and I swore to beat Team Rocket and find its mom. Then two Team Rocket members called Calamity and Jane with a talking Skitty appeared, and Pichu blasted them off with a Thundershock. Then we went to the Gym and I used my Pichu versus the Gym Leader?s Steelix and won because my Pichu has Teh 00ber Awesum Speshul Powah of D00m. And then it?s just the next chapter.? Wendy grinned as Ashley and Abby tried to contain their laughter.

?I wish my fic was a parody,? Ashley finally sighed. ?Then all the horridness would just be funny.?

?But hey, you?re not the unluckiest person here,? Wendy pointed out. ?Just think about what Misty has to go through. She will predictably be here until the end of time, starring in a billion fics ? some of them good, admittedly ? and being Out of Character. Just be thankful you?re an original character. You will presumably just have one fic written about you, and odds are it won?t be finished either since trainer fics are almost never finished. And after that you?ll escape to freedom ? out there.? She pointed to the window; outside it was beautiful landscape with cute Pok?mon hopping around.

?I want out,? Ashley murmured, staring longingly out there.

?Sorry, but not until you will never be written about again,? said Abby, patting her back. ?Don?t worry. Your author will give up sooner or later. People almost never keep writing a fic for that long. Although I knew this girl who was in a fic that keeps getting revised again and again because her author absolutely won?t give up on improving it. But if that happens to you, your author will at least be improving so it won?t be that bad.?

?But I want out!? Ashley whined.

?You?ll get out,? Abby reassured her. ?Just try to survive while your author struggles with your story??

 

[Strawberry Delcatty]

I'm surprised you haven't posted this at PE2K.

Anyway, out of the few fan fic parodies I've read, this one really stands out. I liked how Ashley hated being a Mary-Sue. Chapter 4 (which I have yet to see on your site or FanFic.net) well pretty good too with the concept "Exceptions" and all.

Overall, this is very nice. =3