k, in red is Is This Really Pokemon Colloseum, made by Yoru Ryu. This shows if the narrator is speaking then, well she has done her writing on a line with no "me:" or "narrator:", i like this style and if you don't, don't post!
Yoru Ryu made this and i did not, it is for viewing purposes ONLY or she'll be on my back!
Author: Yoru Ryu AKA Rainy Day
Rating: PG-13 for occasional language and innuendo
Disclaimer: Yoru owns nothing, so no legal action please. And some jokes here are the result of Nikki who has a great sense of humour XD
A/N: Just to add another humour fic to my collection, it may get silly. I like script style as it can make things even funnier and I don't see why it isn't welcomed most places. Let's see if this goes anywhere…and thanks to Nikki for the flashback scenes--you rule girl.
Pokemon Colosseum
(That's not a rubbish bag; it's Rui!)
Act:1
Scene: A low fat feel good bacteria
A Skarmory flies across the screen, we don't actually know if this is the same Skarmory that the big bad boss man has, nobody explains it, all we know is you never see it again… Perhaps it got itself lodged in the Cliffside? And nobody will ever know nya!
AUNDIENCE: For God's Sake!
The scene changes to five quintuplets walking round in circles - Lets just say their names are Bill, Phil, Gill, Dill and… Fredwardo and a very uncomfortable looking man.
BOOM!
GONZAP THE CONSTIPATED: Whoa, what was that? Come my Band of Merry Men!
Below grounds… though not under sea level – that'd just be stupid.
WES: I did it!
UMBREON: (Sarcastic) Huzzah…
WES: Now we just have to find that crazy arm thing…
UMBREON: (Sighs)
Completely ignoring the fact that Gonzap The Constipated and his band of Merry Men are on their way down Wes and his black dog thing wander around the room.
UMBREON: Hey, I found it!
WES: Espeon –
UMBREON: Umbreon
WES: - Umbreon, calm down or your gonna get me into trouble.
UMBREON: And breaking and entering isn't going to get you in trouble?
GONZAP THE CONSTIPATED'S VOICE: WES!
WES: Now you've gone and done it.
UMBREON: Sure. Blame the non-human one.
Wes sees three different coloured snag machines in the center of the room.
UMBREON: Didn't do a very good job about hiding them did they? (Looks around) Not even any guards.
WES: Preccccciouuussssss…
UMBREON: Um.
Wes closely examines the three machines of blue, red and pink. He picks up the red one.
WES: Does this make me look fat?
UMBREON: Of course not. It complements your eyes.
He takes the blue one.
WES: Hows 'bout this?
UMBREON: Hmmmm… (Scratches chin) I always imagined you a spring shade.
WES: Right you are (Takes the pink one)
AUDIENCE: How stupidly obvious for a boy to take something pink in a humour story…
WES: Now to escape (Throws arm in the air) To the Batmobile, Robin!
Try again.
WES: To the Mystery Machine, Scoob!
Nope.
WES: To the Speedo… ah… I mean Speeder, Umbreon!
Much Better
BOOM!
Gonzap The Constipated runs out and grabs the back of Wes's Speedo... er… Speeder.
WES: Eheheh, Onwards! (Throws the bike in reverse by accident and runs over Gonzap The Constipated) Eeps. Back to jail for me, hehehe.
The speeder continues its path backwards and through the hole in the building…
AUDIENCE: What hole?
YORU: Oh, did I not mention that part? Yeah, my bad.
… and towards another wall – this time with no hole.
YORU: Happy now?
AUNDIENCE: Hardly! We don't even want to be here.
Espeon, seeing the cofuffle Wes' got them into teleports them to the middle of the desert.
CHRISTIAN FUNDAMENTALISTS: We told you! That Espeon is Satan! This proves it! (Wave bibles about)
AUNDIENCE: 'Cofuffle'?
YORU: it's a word!
Outskirt stand.
WES: (Eating chips)
AMERICAN AUDIENCE: What the Hell are chips?
BRITISH AUDIENCE: Idiots.
AMERICAN AUDIENCE: Hah! By 'chips' they mean 'French fries'
BRITISH AUDIENCE: Idiots.
Two strange men walk down the ramp of the old Locomotive restaurant, they seem slightly miss-shaped for they're bending over like hunchbacks.
DUSTY'S VOICE: Thank you, come again!
FOLLY: (Holds hand to head) Oh, what atrocious service. I for one am never returning to this urine soaked Hellhole.
TRUDLY: I disagree. You could've called it a 'Pee pee soaked heck hole'…
FOLLY: Well corrected my four-fingered friend.
TRUDLY: Terribly bad when that bloke tried to fondle me under the table.
FOLLY: The one with pink hair?
TRUDLY: The very same.
FOLLY: Well, I heard he…
WES: (Notices the moving bag in the boot of the van) Hmmmm…
Wes walks over to the moving bag while the two 'gentlemen' fervently discuss their terrible experience in the restaurant carriage.
ESPEON: Suspicious…
UMBREON: I concur.
WES: Hmmm…
BAG: (Wiggles) Help me, you moron!
WES: Hmmmm… (Opens bag)
BAG: I can see the light, and it burns!
WES: (Stuffs his chip carton in the bag) Hmmmmm…
BAG: Hey! Don't throw your rubbish in here!
WES: (Ties the bag up again) Hmmmmm…
BAG: Nooooo!
The two strangers walk back to their van.
FOLLY: OI! (Hits Wes round the back of the head) Keep you filthy hands off of my bag sack!
They leave. Now, inside the locomotive.
Do the Locomotion~
Wes and his purple and black dogs walk over to the counter, the TV comes on.
NEWSREADER: Literally seconds after the 'Hero' of this game has made his escape our rag-tag team of news reporters have discovered this blown out building. (Points to a sign) Convenient eh?
SIGN: Team Snagem Headquarters – signed, Supreme Overlord Gonzap!
NEWSREADER: We have yet to determine what this building was used for, however we do suspect it to be smuggling X-rated footage of Prince Charles into the country (shudders)… back to you at the station, Jerry.
JERRY: Thank you, now we have just received some of the footage of Prince Charles. People of a nervous disorder, young children and pregnant women should look away… now.
A random woman in the carriage screams and chucks her teacup at the TV in horror.
DUSTY: HEY!
WOMAN: Sorry…
DUSTY: (Turns to Wes) How may I be of service to you Mr…?
WES: Gotta think of a line fast!
DUSTY: Excuse me?
WES: Wait, did I just say that out loud?
DUSTY: Um (gasps) you're the 'Hero' of the game!
WES: AHHHHHHHH! (Runs out)
DUSTY: Thank you, come again.
The pink haired man who tried to fondle Trudly shuffles out after Wes.
ESPEON: What a shifty character.
WILLIE: I see you are a Pokemon trainer…
UMBREON: (Rolls eyes) What a line.
WES: A... what?
WILLIE: A Pokemon trainer.
WES: Oh, no. I don't have any Pokemon.
Willie, Espeon and Umbreon stare at Wes a long moment.
WILLIE: What about them then? (Points to the Eons.)
WES: They're mine? God, I thought they just followed me round 'cause they had nothing better to do!
UMBREON: I have way better things to do than follow you around!
ESPEON: I don't…
WILLIE: ANYway! How'd you get them on the motorbike?
WES: Oh, oh! I know that joke! Ahem, POKE 'EM ON!
WILLIE: What?
WES: How'd you get two Pikachu in a car? Poke 'em on!
WILLIE: (Ignores him) Would you like to battle?
WES: No, I don't have any Pokemon! I've told you already.
Wes grabs up his belongings and stalks off to the speeder, Espeon and Umbreom follow and they all speed off.
WILLIE: Drat, another through the net.
The next town along Folly and Trudley are struggling under the weight of the mysterious bag.
WES: You do know the rubbish men come by on Wednesdays don't you?
FOLLY: This ain't a rubbish bag.
WES: Yeah it is. I put my rubbish in there so therefore it's a rubbish bag.
TRUDLY: Look! Just shut up, how're we supposed to do any struggling when you keep distracting us!?
ESPEON: (Uses psychic abilities to throw the bag in a Dumpster) Done and dusted.
BAG: Ow.
No need to get violent.
WES: (Looks around) Who said that?
I did.
WES: Who?
Me.
WES: Hm, I'm hearing things again, just like when that voice told me to kill all my friends, so I did an' got sent to jail for life and then just like any justice system I'm free and killing friends again after only two months… eh... what were we talking about again?
ESPEON: Who's is he talking to?
UMBREON: God knows.
FOLLY: Oh I cannot take this anymore! If anybody wants me I'll be in the VIP lounge!
Folly and Trudly run off leaving their van and the rubbish bag.
BAG: For the last time I am not a rubbish bag!
Dash walks past and drops a sweet wrapper on the floor. Wes picks it up.
WES: Hey, moron! There's a rubbish bag right there (Points.)
BAG: NOT A RUBBISH BAG!
DASH: Should a rubbish bag talk like that?
WES: It talks? (Spins around)
Everyone walks over to it and Wes picks up a pointy stick and pokes it.
WES: Pokey, pokey.
A muffled curse from the bag and a hand grabs the pokey stick through the material and shakes it about violently.
WES: Oh God it's sucking me in!
ESPEON: Just let go of the stick, genius.
UMBREON: (Smacks Wes for insubordination)
YORU: See? I told you he was just an innocent victim.
AUDIENCE: Bloody sympathizer.
Wes opens the bag and Rui jumps out.
RUI: For the sake of my reputation as a medium I would first like to say I don't stand for violence of any sort…
Rui smacks Wes.
RUI: And that I am not a rubbish character you can just run away from. No, no I follow you everywhere. There is no escape from my hauntingly big eyes that will follow you around the room, no. No escape at all! Muhahahaha! Think the Mona Lisa on Prozac...
It's true. I always try to lose you in Agate but whenever I go into a house you suddenly appear… must be a time traveler. Tell me, are you Doctor Who?
RUI: Doctor who?
Exactly.
ESPEON: Does she have a Tardis?
UMBREON: I reckon she uses that rubbish bag.
RUI: I do not travel in time! My pet can though… have you met Celebi?
AUDIENCE: If she were an original character and had a Celebi people'd say she was a Mary-Sue now.
And that isn't fair. Just because an original character has a Legendary doesn't mean they're all high and mighty!
RUI: Oh you're just getting uppy 'cause every character in 'The Dragon Homeland' has a Legendary Pokemon.
Well, yes… but most of the main characters aren't original anyway…
RUI: Excuses, excuses…
Can we get back on track please?
RUI: So tell me, Wes. Why'd you join Team Snagem? (Mutters) Like I already don't know.
WES: Well, a lot of people say I was an abused child or orphaned but I can't remember which…
I think I'll go for abused first… hit it, Wes!
WES: Yes, I was an abused child in the past…
ESPEON: I feel a flashback coming on.
UMBREON: Now look what you've done!
Ten years earlier…
WES'S MUM: (Screams at Wes)
WES'S DAD: (Smacks Wes over the head with a two-by-four)
BOTH: Hot ****, we're awful.
KIDDIE WES: Pity me, pity meeeee!
Back to the present. And now we'll try with orphaned.
WES: And then my parents where killed in an accident on the roads…
Eighteen years ago.
A road through the middle of nowhere. A cheese truck speeds along, a pale gray man with wild purple hair and glowing red eyes is at the wheel. Next to him sits a single passenger reading a roadmap.
NASCOUR: Gonzap, have you figured out that accursed map yet?
GONZAP: I'm trying, sir.
NASCOUR: You've been trying for 20 minutes. We'll have missed our exit; let me see that map!
GONZAP: Shouldn't you watch the road?
Nascour yanks the map away.
NASCOUR: Hmmmm…
Meanwhile, in a mini headed the opposite direction…
WES'S DAD: Wes's mum, Wes's been crying for a half hour now! Would you try to see what's wrong with him?
WES'S MUM: (Looks behind the seat) Oh, dear, he's got a terrible rash. I'll get the cream, oh, it's behind your seat, i can't reach it.
WES'S DAD: Here, I'll try…
WES'S MUM: Shouldn't you watch the road?
8.7 seconds later…
CRRRASSSH!
Nascour and Gonzap climb out of the crashed cheese truck.
NASCOUR: Oh, crap.
GONZAP: Erm, they look pretty dead to me.
NASCOUR: Well, just a little setback. We can still make the Cheddar convention on time. Go hitch a lift, peon.
GONZAP: Okay.
Gonzap flags down a passing car, gets in, and drives off.
NASCOUR: What the--? Gonzap, you idiot, I meant for both of us! Come back here! …Oh, bollocks. (Looks around) Great, no civilization for miles. Well, best start walking.
He wanders off.
In the present.
WES: And that's it.
RUI: (Waits) That didn't explain anything.
They leave to see the mayor.
AUDIENCE: Wait, what about the Mirror B --?
No, no, not much time, gotta skip as much as we can, we're late, we're late, we're late!
AUDIENCE: Aww.
Anyway, enter mysterious figure.
NASCOUR: I'm so great!
AUDIENCE: Everyone bow to Master Nascour.
NASCOUR: Now, lets see… you must be… Miss Rui. Gonzap's told me a lot about you. And your parents. Dentists, aren't they? (Slits eyes) I hate dentists. (Turns to Wes) Sandy hair… vacant expression… you must be Wes.
WES: Man, does he know me or what? (Grins)
RUI: Why are you wearing a dress?
NASCOUR: It's a gown, brat.
Rui touches Nascour's chest.
NASCOUR: Not the paintwork!
RUI: Paint?
NASCOUR: Yes. To get this nice tight effect I simply paint on the top half of the outfit.
RUI: So that's a skirt then?
NASCOUR: Actually they're my pajamas. Evice and me just had a sleepover.
Say, how old are you?
NASCOUR: Well, I've been told I can play from anywhere from twenty to thirty but on a good day I'm told I can pass for late teens whereas a bad day…
Sorry I asked.
NASCOUR: (Looks down his nose at Wes) I like the looks of you… and not in the perverted way the players must think when I say this line in the game. I'll see you later I'm sure.
WES: …
NASCOUR: Leader of Cipher, here's my card. Come if you get lonely. (Smirks) No pressure.
He strides off to his hotel room slash love nest.
RUI: Well, that was unexpected.
ESPEON: I guess you humans all have low standards since your faces are pretty twisted in Pokemon Colosseum.
WES: Why do guys keep hitting on me…?
k, now, chapter 2 and 3; 2 is based on Monty Python and 3 is short, but funny (i think ^_^)
Little Hoenn
Hoenn, Hoenn, Hoenn, the best invention in the year 2003, apart from Kylie Monogue, and the kettle, we take our time, to show you, behind the scenes of Pokemon Ruby, Sapphire, and Emerald, to see what Groudon eat for breakfast and lots of other things I can't be bothered to say, so, LET'S DO IT!!!
Warning: Pet shops can be dangerous - don't try this at home!
Wally: Hello, I wish to register a complaint...Hello? Miss?
Archie : What do you mean, miss?
Wally: Oh, I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint.
Archie: Sorry, we're closing for lunch.
Wally: Never mind that my lad, I wish to complain about this Pidgey what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Archie: Oh, yes, the Pidgey. What's wrong with it?
Wally: I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.
Archie: No, no it's resting, look!
Wally: Look my lad, I know a dead Pidgey when I see one and I'm looking at one right now.
Archie: No, no sir, it's not dead. It's resting.
Wally: Resting?
Archie: Yeah, remarkable bird the Pidgey, beautiful pumage, innit?
Wally: The plumage don't enter into it -- it's stone dead.
Archie: No, no--it's just resting.
Wally: All right then, if it's resting I'll wake it up. (shouts into cage) Hello Polly! I've got a nice cuttlefish for you when you wake up, Polly Pidgey!
Archie: (jogging cage) There it moved.
Wally: No he didn't. That was you pushing the cage.
Archie: I did not.
Wally: Yes, you did. (takes Pidgey out of cage, shouts) Hello Polly, Polly (bangs it against counter) Polly Pidgey ,wake up. Polly. (throws it in the air and lets it fall to the floor) Now that's what I call a dead Pidgey.
Archie: No, no it's stunned.
Wally: Look my lad, I've just about had enough of this. That Pidgey is definitely deceased. And when I bought it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long squawk.
Archie: It's probably pining for the fjords.
Wally: Pining for the fjords, what kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat on its back the moment I got it home?
Archie: The Pidgey prefers kipping on its back. Beautiful bird, lovely plumage.
Wally: Look, I took the liberty of examining that Pidgey, and I discovered that the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there.
Archie: Well of course it was nailed there. Otherwise it would muscle up to those bars and VOOM!.
Wally: Look mate (picks up Pidgey) this Pidgey wouldn't voom if I put four thousand volts through it. It's bleeding demised.
Archie: It's not, it's pining.
Wally: It's not pining, it's passed on. This Pidgey is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late Pidgey. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-Pidgey.
Archie: Well, I'd better replace it then.
Wally: (to camera) If you want to get anything done in this country you've got to complain till you're blue in the mouth.
Archie: Sorry guv, we're right out of Pidgey.
Wally: I see. I see. I get the picture. Archie: I've got a slug. Wally: Does it talk?
Archie: Not really, no.
Wally: Well it's scarcely a replacement, then is it?
Archie: Listen, I'll tell you what, (handing over a card) tell you what, if you go to my brother's pet shop in Goldenrod he'll replace your Pidgey for you.
Wally: Goldenrod, eh.
Archie: Yeah.
Wally: All right.
[He leaves, holding the Pidgey. CAPTION: `A SIMILAR PET SHOP IN Goldenrod, LANCS' Close-up if sign on door reading: `Similar Pet Shops, Ltd.' Pull back from sign to see same pet shop. Archie now has moustache. Wally walks into shop. He looks around with interest, noticing the empty Pidgey cage still on the floor.]
Wally: Er, excuse me. This is Goldenrod, is it?
Archie: No, no it's, er, Pallet Town.
Wally: (to camera) That's Inter-City Rail for you. (leaves)
and chapter 3;
Act 3: Kyogre vs. Groudon (well kind of…)
(fades in to see Maxie and Archie talking to Steven)
Archie: Let us past!
Steven: Wait, wait, wait, what'd want?
Archie and Maxie: I want to take over the world with…
Archie: Kyogre!
Maxie: Groudon!
Meowth: and Meowth!
All: ???
Steven: (¬¬) wrong fic…
Meowth: sorry (sulks off)
(all see Groudon walking towards them with hands in pockets)
Groudon: *mumbles*
Steven: This is weird… what's wrong Groudon?
Groudon: …my girlfriend kicked me out…
Steven: Girlfriend?
Groudon: yeah, us Pokemon have girlfriends too you know…
Steven: Who?
Groudon: Kyogre
(Maxie and Archie stair at each other then faint)
Steven: …ok… what 'ave you two been doing the last million years?
Groudon: playing Scrabble.
Steven: (0.o) why'd she kick you out?
Groudon: I beat her!
(phone rings, Groudon takes out mobile)
Groudon: Hello, Groudon, head of Legends Cooperation, here for all your *** kicking needs, how may I help you? Oh, hi dear, *pause* yeah, ok, I'll come home now… (leaves)
(Maxie and Archie regain consciousness)
Maxie: I had a lovely dream…
Archie: I had a nightmare…
Both: About Groudon.
Steven: Ok, I've had enough, if anyone wants me, I'll be in the VIP lounge…
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long post :D
EDIT: Why is no one here *sob*
