Lucas's first pokemon

Event_collectorx

Omnitrix hero deoxys
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    Years
    Lucas's jogging shoes slapped against the ground as he ran through the wilderness. The cool morning mist felt good on his sweaty face.

    He always goes on a morning jog, and it is always the same route. From Twinleaf town to route 201 to sandgem town. Then from there, he jogs to the beach by route 219.

    Lucas had just left twinleaf town, and he was now on route 201. He stopped jogging and started to walk.

    It was unussually quiet this morning, and route 201 is never quiet. Ussually, you would hearn rustling of grass, the humming of kricketot, the chirping of the starly, and trainers talking. Lucas had a bad feeling about the silence.

    "GWRAAWR!!!" a loud roar broke the silence. The roaring continued and turned into screeching. Lucas walked toward the direction of the sound.

    A steelix jumped out of the grass and screamed in pain. It lunged toward Lucas. He was too scared to move, when something yellow jumped and pushed him aside. The steelix slammed against the ground. Men behind the steelix with blue hair and strange suits with a golden 'G' on it were trying to capture it. Lucas could see that the steelix was in pain.

    "Leave the pokemon alone! It didn't do anything to you!" Lucas screamed.

    "Stay out of this kid!" The strange man said.

    "I'll do what I want! Now leave that steelix alone or I'll-"

    "You'll what? Tell my mom?" The man said as he cut lucas off.

    "I'll stop you myself," Lucas said through his teeth. He was breathing angirly.

    "Lets get this over with, go dustox! Finish the boy and then help me with the steelix!" The man said.

    "Oh man!" Lucas said. The dustox was flying full speed at lucas. Lucas put his arms in front of his face and braced himself. The yellow blur came out of the grass again and blew fire at the dustox. The dustox fell on the ground and didn't get up.

    "Hey, your the one that saved me from the steelix, and you also saved me again! thanks alot!" Lucas said to the strange looking pokemon.

    "Retreat guys! This isn't over yet kid!" The man said as the grunts dashed off.

    Lucas helped the steelix back into the grass and watched it slither off.

    "What am I gonna do with you? Well I might as well finish my jog!" Lucas said. He jogged to the beach and sat on the sand. The pokemon was afraid to go in the water, so Lucas jogged to sandgem town.

    He walked into Professor Rowan's lab and yelled, "Professor Rowan, can you please Identify this pokemon?"

    "That looks like a growlithe Lucas," Professor Rowan said.

    "But its yellow! Thats not possible!" Lucas said.

    "Anythings possible. I researched discolored pokemon and they appear to be called shinies. This pokemon seems quite fond of you. And since you were supposed to start your jouney tommorow, do you want to keep this pokemon instead of getting a starter?" Rowan asked.

    "Yes! Thank you so much! Bye!" Lucas said as he raced of into the afternoon sun.
     
    Congrats, hardly any errors. But you need a little more description. You should describe the mysterious yellow pokemon when it first appears. Even though it is a growlithe.

    Also needs to be longer.
     
    thanks

    I'm going to lengthen it, thanks for the advice!
     
    Hm...
    I think it's a good story, except maybe the fact that a steelix was off of sadgem. Maybe something a little weaker.
     
    Dude, its a story! Team Galactic was TORTURING the steelix and it some how wound up over there. You know, not every thing has to be like the tv show or game.
     
    Hm...
    I think it's a good story, except maybe the fact that a steelix was off of sadgem. Maybe something a little weaker.

    It seemed to me like it had been stolen, seeing as though there were usually trainers along that route, plus, Team G have a knack for stealing Pokemon. I enjoyed it. Hope to see some more added soon. ^^
     
    I liked it, especially the shiny Growlithe.
    The yellow made me think of a Pikachu, at first, but fire coming out of a Pikachu's mouth didn't make sense.

    You don't see many stories with shinies, which makes your story more unique - but don't have more than one, unless it is part of your plot (since you know shinies are very rare)

    BTW, You misspelled "usually"(<- this is the right way)
     
    ok well....

    This story may get chapter two soon, but I'm currently working on my main fan fic which is in my sig. The character Lucas is incorperated in my main fic and this is just his background. I made one for Alex too, and I might do a background story on Derek Grace and Hitomi. So just be patient and it will come. I just need to work on my main fic first.
     
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