Magikarp's Heart

[DuelTypeFlareon]

A/N: Just so you know, I posted this in Fanfiction.net under the username KogasMySexyBeast. This is in fact, me and I haven't copyed it. (posted only because I don't want to be banned for posting my own poem.) ^.^' This poem's about the struggle poor Magikarp goes through. A/N

Lonely Magikarp,
Looked upon as nothing,
Ruby red and shining in the sunlight,
But always cowering in fright.
Do not fret my little Magikarp,
Have strength in your heart.
An unknown power stored within,
Level twenty, the change begins.
Twisting, turning, shades of blue,
Deep as the sky and jaws clamped tight.
Strength not seen in former self,
The new power rose,
Growth into a Gyarados.
No longer seen as nothing,
The strength in your heart is yours to wield.

A/N: Please review and tell me what you think! Thanks for reading!

 

[TJgamer]

I love your idea and concept. Especially for the fact that Magikarp is considered the weakest Pokémon ever.
The only slight problem is the lines,
"Strength not seen in former self, the power rose,
Growth into a Gyarados."
It rhymes, but the syllable count is uneven, thus making it sound a little cumbersome.

Keep up the good work though. Practice makes perfect.

 

[DuelTypeFlareon]

I really have to thank you tjgamer, you give me quality feedback.
Most of the time I get "Oh, you write like a god!"
...well maybe not exactly like that. XD
I'm thinking of making "the power rose" into its own line. Still feels awkward, but not as much as it is now. Your input? :3

 

[TJgamer]

Perhaps adding an adjective between a and Gyarados, such as powerful may have it sound a little better.
However, it's still your choice on the word(s) though.

 

[DuelTypeFlareon]

Fixin'

Thanks for that, I think it flows a little better now. :3